Four Million Years Later

Our second WATCHALONG is not from G1 TRANSFORMERS, but from BEAST WARS TRANSFORMERS! It is season two's three part season ender, the apex of that series. Why not start at the first episode? THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT! If you haven't watched BEAST WARS, you NEED to. It's only 52 episodes, and some of the best Transformerness EVER PRODUCED. So watch it all on your own time!

Our first WATCHALONG is not from TRANSFORMERS at all! It is 1987's G.I.JOE THE MOVIE, the epitome of Sunbow's run on G.I.JOE. Why start at the END? BECAUSE WE LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH! Other watchalongs will follow at random intervals, and YES, we will return to TRANSFORMERS for some of them... possibly even next time. Stay tuned!!

We've arrived at the LAST episode (for awhile)! Here we just talk about how it slowly came together and how it almost didn't happen, and what Jerzy and I were doing in relation to TFs from Rebirth to essentially today. It's THE SECRET ORIGIN OF FOUR MILLION YEARS LATER!

And it comes with pictures from College Hoover's TF strips and fanfics from the late 1990s!!

Transformers Generation 3, Page 1:

It's the PENULTIMATE episode... kinda! For awhile at least. In its current form. This time we read feedback from loyal listeners, like yourself perhaps! And next time we wrap things up!

This time we take time out to discuss all the new DECEPTICONS from the REBIRTH miniseries... and amazingly, JERZY has more to say about them than the AUTOBOTS! HOOVER only had like three of these guys! And JERZY even less! But there's a certain mystical bat that really intrigues him NOW!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO OUR U.S. LISTENERS (those who listen when it's new)!!!

This time we take time out to discuss all the new AUTOBOTS from the REBIRTH miniseries... believe it or not, we still had things to say about these characters we barely spent any time with! How did HOOVER have so many of them? How did JERZY survive not getting the first SPIKE figure?? And how did either of them live without owning any MONSTERBOTS? (Spoiler: Easily.)

THIS IS IT! IT'S ALL BEEN BUILDING TO THIS!! HOW WILL IT ALL END?? WILL HASBRO FORCE DAVID WISE TO INTRODUCE 14 MORE CHARACTERS BEFORE WRAPPING IT UP?? WILL HOOVER GET THROUGH THE EPISODE WITHOUT MENTIONING ROCK LORDS?? WILL JERZY REVEAL THAT HE MADE CARDBOARD TRANSFORMERS IN 8TH GRADE INSTEAD OF KISSING GIRLS?? (SPOILER: HE DOES!) OH YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T MISS THIS ONE!!!

After all those new characters last time, we're gonna take it easy this episode, RIGHT? WRONG!! Here's 11 more NEBULANS known as THE HIVE!! Now that THE AUTOBOTS have little green buddies, THE DECEPTICONS aren't gonna be left out!!

ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE LEFT OF THE SERIES!!! (But don't worry, the podcast will have episodes until the end of 2022)

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A 20 MINUTE TOY COMMERCIAL THAT INTRODUCES 37 NEW CHARACTERS BUT ALSO FEATURES 35 PRE-EXISTING ONES!! That's right, this episode has 72 characters!!! What more is there to say???

ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT OF THE SERIES!!!

This time we take time out to discuss all the new DECEPTICONS from the movie and Season Three... resulting in our second-longest episode EVER! We're talking JUST OVER TWO HOURS of pure DECEPTICON (and QUINTESSON) discussion... 

This time we take time out to discuss all the new AUTOBOTS from the movie and Season Three... resulting in our longest episode EVER! We're talking OVER TWO HOURS of pure AUTOBOT discussion... kinda makes me sick just thinking about it! But don't worry, the DECEPTICONS will be featured NEXT EPISODE!

I wonder what happens in THIS episode? Well, HASBRO tries to win parents back after forcing the death of a loved one on their children months ago! How does it go? Well, we got some good, we got some bad. And we got a HATE PLAGUE turning everyone red and mean-spirited. What do we do when we need a hero? Does a lower ranked AUTOBOT rise from the ranks and prove themselves, saving the day? NO, WE'RE NOT HERE TO BUILD CHARACTER, WE'RE HERE TO BRING BACK THE DEAD. So a QUINTESSON is forced at SKY LYNX-point to resurrect OPTIMUS PRIME! And he'll never die again, kids! (Offer not good in Japan, sorry) All this, and JERZY and HOOVER'S opposite reactions to their discovery of TRANSFORMERS GENERATION 2!

ONLY FOUR EPISODES LEFT OF THE SERIES!!!

RODIMUS PRIME is feeling a bit overwhelmed with too many complaints he can't begin to deal with. So he shirks all his responsibilities and runs into some STUNTICONS who run him off the side of a cliff! But he loses the MATRIX in the crash, and the STUNTICONS take it to GALVATRON! Free of responsibilities, HOT ROD awakes to a world he's no longer responsible for... that is, until he realizes the responsibility owns him as much as he owns it. Plus GALVATRON gets a very metal new headquarters that we only ever see once! And JERZY tells a tale of crying at the grocery store because of this episode!!

It's time to go to another world... one the QUINTESSONS thought they had safely locked away, until GALVATRON managed to find it hidden behind a giant disc in space. We meet the ZIMOJINS, whose development has been stunted ever since the QUINTESSONS turned off the stars in their corner of the galaxy! Yeah, it's a big high-minded science fiction story airing in place of our beloved robot fights. But we do get to see PERCEPTOR as a GEISHA! Wait, HUH???

What if all the animal TRANSFORMERS ran off in the middle of a battle and didn't tell anyone where they were going? Well, it would look a lot like this! A mysterious voice calls out to "The Primitives," luring them all away, but to their commanders' chagrin. Luckily, SKY LYNX is there to use his nigh-omnipotence to lead them all on a journey to... their home?? And that's just the tip of the iceberg... because they have to contend with UNICRON'S LITTLE BROTHER, who has already sucked the life out of CYBERTRON! I'm not even making this up. Our analysis also contains one of HOOVER'S better theories on two brand new TRANSFORMERS, JOHNNY and TERRANCE!!! WAIT, WHAT??

Alright, we got introduced to the TECHNOBOTS and TERRORCONS last episode, but not for long! So now we get to spend another full episode with them to get to know them a bit better. But we have to put up with HUMANS too, and get this, THE HUMANS KISS TOO. What show am I watching? Learn about young fifth grade HOOVER sitting there, arms crossed, with a boo boo face on, having to endure these yucky flesh creatures when he's got new TRANSFORMERS to learn about. And JERZY schools us on the details of the first release of petless STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE dolls and his many GREEDO figures! All this and LISTENER MAIL!!!!

Dumb ol' loveable GRIMLOCK... what would the show be like without HIM? Well, what if he WASN'T dumb, and was actually the smartest of the AUTOBOTS?? What happens then? This episode happens then. So strap in! Not to mention, they shake out a DOZEN new characters at us; no foolin'! All this, and JERZY lets loose on RADIO SHACK commercials!!!

Hey kids, are you ready for the neverending battle of AUTOBOTS vs DECEPTICONS?? Well... put a pin in that, because this week we're going to concentrate on the AUTOBOTS vs NEW YORK CITY GANGSTERS! No, don't change the channel!! Fans of G.I.JOE will want to stick around for this one, because it may contain a sssssssertain character familiar to them. Whoops, I meant CERTAIN character. Ahem. Oh yeah, and the AUTOBOTS get put into human bodies too. WAIT, WHAT? Oh don't worry, they don't think it's a big deal. But what WAS a big deal to young JERZY and HOOVER was the END of this episode, which rocketed them both off the couch!! All this, plus why VEHICLE VOLTRON is BEST!

Those pesky QUINTESSONS are at it again!! This time they're tricking the DECEPTICONS to go deep into the bowels of CYBERTRON to unleash some foul beasts that pre-date all the TRANSFORMERS, called the TRANSORGANICS! Will both AUTOBOT and DECEPTICON alike be able to defeat them?? All this, and young Jerzy versus the Basement! And a great potential story idea for the four million year gap!

Hey, remember last time when THE QUINTESSONS kept losing their journal like it was a bar of soap they just couldn't keep a hold of? Well here it is AGAIN, and they're still just leaving it sitting around for anyone to grab. But if that's not riveting enough, we get a backdrop of two alien races at a peace conference who both want the exact opposite of peace. Just the kind of cartoon a ten year old wants to watch, huh? On top of everything, it's animated by AKOM. Whooooooo boy. You don't have to go back and watch the episode, but at least listen to us because you know we always get creative with the bummer episodes!!

It's a normal day on the planet of JUNK as THE JUNKIONS watch tv! But when THE QUINTESSONS inject subliminal messages into their beloved television, it's all out war in the galaxy! All this and the final appearance of OMEGA SUPREME!

FIRST AID quits the AUTOBOTS! GALVATRON has an Ultimate Weapon! OCTANE and BLITZWING are on the DECEPTICONS again! All this, PLUS we're on vacation in the NETHERLANDS to deal with rampant striped shirt wearer on gardener crime?? I guess?? In ANY case, it's ANIMATED BEAUTIFULLY!

Hoooo-boy... strap in, 'cause this one is something else. It's the AKOMIEST of them all, with more animation errors than you've ever seen! But we TRY to remain positive... we TRY... 

It seems GALVATRON finally got a plan together, but it got sidetracked by some weird aliens on a nearby planet, whose voices can unleash destructive power. This of course gives GALVATRON a new goal and thankfully he's already reconnecting with his old pal SOUNDWAVE who can record and replicate the sound. So it's up to the AUTOBOTS to put things straight and get harmony out of these singsongy aliens! 

Thankfully we get some more characterization out of BROADSIDE, the AUTOBOT triple changer, who turns out to be pretty cool! But other than an interesting sci-fi concept, there's... not a LOT of good here. But give it a watch just 'cause it's so bad it's good.... almost!

Hey kids, it's ZOMBIE OPTIMUS! ...is... is this a good idea? JERZY and HOOVER debate that while stating the pros and cons of the episode. And speaking of old toys no longer for sale, we're treated to commercials for toys no longer on the market in 1986! And is this finally the birth of the RODIMUS PRIME that JERZY loves??

Just two episodes after our last longest episode is OUR NEW LONGEST EPISODE! What happens when an actual comic writer and Star Trek novel author bring their credentials to TRANSFORMERS? A darn good episode happens, that's what! The AUTOBOTS pop in for a two minute cameo, with the QUINTESSONS showing up for under 60 seconds, allowing the DECEPTICONS to spend the rest of the time in a character building episode! And it's HOOVER'S favorite of season three! In this episode, we meet some space monkeys who are tasked with the unenviable task of REPAIRING GALVATRON'S MIND! And it does NOT go well for anyone but the VIEWER!

The STARSCREAM fun continues! SCREAMER'S done just playing around, this time he's on a mission to get his old body back! And for that, he needs to BRING UNICRON BACK TO LIFE! With SCOURGE as his unwilling helper, STARSCREAM manages to get some long-awaited revenge on the DECEPTICONS leaving the AUTOBOTS scratching their heads about what's going on! And JERZY scratches HIS HEAD about RADIO SHACK commercials!

Wow, I wonder what happens this episode? With the most ON THE NOSE name of all 98 G1 episodes, this episode is a fantastic reminder that Season 3 can still provide great entertainment. It's great in all ways but one... thanks, AKOM, for the tolerable animation. By the way, this is our longest episode yet!

THE AUTOBOTS sure are glad TRYPTICON is permanently out of commission. What a shame it would be if it turned out he was STILL ALIVE! Oh wait! He is! And crafty old TELETRAAN-TWO didn't care to spill the secret! Meanwhile, crafty DECEPTICON OCTANE has decided to take TRYPTICON on a trip for personal gain, taking us to... groan... CARBOMYA. But we never have to see ABDUL FAKKADI again after this episode, so... yay? All this, and we finally figure out what GALVATRON seems like, portrayal-wise.

Here we are introduced to another planet where former CYBERTRONIANS have begun a new life... except now CYCLONUS and SCOURGE have found it and are going to RUIN IT! We're introduced to a heroic new triple changer SANDSTORM, and we learn of SOUNDWAVE'S secret career as an impressionist!

Plus, JERZY has a serious bone to pick with RODIMUS this episode... 

We wrap up THE DANIEL TRILOGY with a definite improvement over last time. It seems THE QUINTESSONS have somehow made a machine to bring DANIEL's nightmares to life against both AUTOBOTS and DECEPTICONS. How did they do it? Well, we have no idea. But they did. And it's up to RODIMUS, SPRINGER, and ULTRA MAGNUS to team up with THE PREDACONS and get to the bottom of it. Have we finally gotten the TRAPPED IN A CAVE episode Hoover has wanted for so long? All this and monsters, monsters everywhere, including the commercials, which includes the BIGGEST MONSTER OF ALL, the man who tried to convince us that ROCK LORDS were great.

SADLY NO DECEPTICONS APPEAR IN THIS EPISODE. And HOOVER reviews it accordingly! JERZY has less of a problem with it, but HOOVER is not here for this DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS tale masquerading as a TRANSFORMERS story. DANIEL and GRIMLOCK are whisked away to another dimension and blah blah blah wizards blah blah GOLDEN ONE blah blah blah. But don't worry, HOOVER still finds a way to bash the ROCK LORDS.

After receiving a surprise party for his birthday, DANIEL decides to throw a surprise party on ULTRA MAGNUS'S birthday! But when is that?? So DANIEL and WHEELIE head off to a storage asteroid (not an ice cream factory) to find out when ULTRA MAGNUS was born, and manage to run afoul of THE DECEPTICONS along the way! All this, and some dolls surprise us with growing hair.

Uh oh, more timey-wimey stuff! The QUINTESSONS are tired of not being the landlords of CYBERTRON anymore, so they've built a time machine so they can alter the past. An ancient AUTOBOT named A3 has been yanked to the present while BLURR, BLASTER, REWIND, RAMHORN, WRECK-GAR are yanked to the past! And not just the past, but the aaaaaaancient past! All this, and HOOVER'S vendetta against the ROCK LORDS continues!

KUP's been carrying around some guilt for 100,000 years (literally)! What happened on the planet of DREAD that has him so troubled? Why is the famed storyteller so silent about this part of his past? The truth is revealed in this episode, and not just KUP but also JERZY faces his fears... including the scariest Christmas ever conceived. All this and the debut of one of Hoover's favorite season three DECEPTICONS.

Well, it's not TRAPPED IN A CAVE, but it's TRAPPED ON A SHIP! A QUINTESSON scientist thinks it's a grand idea to capture an AUTOBOT, DECEPTICON, JUNKION, and human to play some mind games with! But things get crazy rather quickly as outer space decides to shake up these crazy experiments, resulting in... CYCLONUS saving the life of ULTRA MAGNUS?? HUH? All this and more IRE from HOOVER, AIMED AT THE ROCK LORDS! But not HALF the IRE aimed towards MATTEL'S GUTS figures!!

We wrap up the TRANSFORMERS' first and ONLY 5 part miniseries right here! The QUINTESSONS have convinced the DECEPTICONS to wage war on the AUTOBOTS and their home of CYBERTRON! But secretly the QUINTESSONS chuckle to themselves as they plan to turn on the DECEPTICONS as soon as the AUTOBOTS are out of the way! And only BLITZWING can save the day! WAIT, WHAT??

All this and the final destruction of THE ARK and the AUTOBOTS' VOLCANO HEADQUARTERS!

Business is picking up! GALVATRON finds out where all his DECEPTICONS went, and he doesn't like the answer! The QUINTESSONS make stuff up so GALVATRON doesn't kill them! The JUNKIONS come save the day on GOO, and RODIMUS PRIME goes on a spirit quest to finally get some facts about who these new 5 faced bozos are! And JERZY recalls HOOVER pulling a similar thing during a winter visit!

We're at the middle chapter of the series' only 5-parter, and things are heating up all over the galaxy! The AUTOBOTS find themselves in a STICKY SITUATION on the planet GOO! The DECEPTICONS get made an offer they can't refuse! And WHEELIE SHOOTS A DECEPTICON IN THE FACE?! All this, and some of the most inaccurate coloring ever seen in a TRANSFORMERS episode!

Season 3 continues as we learn more about these mysterious QUINTESSONS! They have a real beef against the AUTOBOTS, it seems! Meanwhile CYCLONUS and THE SWEEPS locate and rescue (or harass, depending on who you ask) GALVATRON in order to put him back in charge of the DECEPTICONS! All this and SPIKE threatens to turn a QUINTESSON into BLOOEY JUICE!

Here we are BACK to the regular series, starting off SEASON 3! We see a lot of movie threads continue into the series, and the return of new friends like WHEELIE, ARCEE, KUP, and BLURR, as well as the return of a character we haven't seen in many episodes! And we see the sorry state of the DECEPTICON EMPIRE! And possibly the last speaking role of RUMBLE maybe?? Season 3 is THIRTY episodes long, so strap in and get comfy!

It's the exciting conclusion of TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE! It's time to move along to the final act, where WHEELIE takes charge and assumes command of the AUTOBOTS! Okay, that might not be what happens, but it's still all very exciting. But I wouldn't want to spoil it before you listen. So LISTEN!

PLEASE NOTE: The podcast is now EVERY OTHER WEEK due to various very annoying things far out of our control. I wish it didn't have to be, but alas, it does.

Here we are at part 3 of our four part movie coverage! It's a lot of AUTOBOT coverage as we follow KUP, HOT ROD, and the DINOBOTS on QUINTESSA and the others on the planet of JUNK! There's a liiiiiiittle DECEPTICONS sprinkled in for good measure. All this and we meet a new rhymey boi armed with a slingshot. This portion covers the movie from 44:21-1:03:55.

PLEASE NOTE: The podcast is now EVERY OTHER WEEK due to various very annoying things far out of our control. I wish it didn't have to be, but alas, it does.

Here we are at the SECOND part of TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE and things are about to get AWESOME and TERRIBLE all at once... you're allowed to cry during this one. This part contains not only the greatest fight in Transformers history, but the shocking rebirth of MEGATRON into GALVATRON, and his first act when he gets back to CYBERTRON.

This part covers the Shout Factory Blu-ray's chapters 4-6, or 19:25 - 44:21 of the running time.

PLEASE NOTE: The podcast is now EVERY OTHER WEEK due to various very annoying things far out of our control. I wish it didn't have to be, but alas, it does.

Here we are, at long last at TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE! This will be covered in four parts! This first episode covers the first 19 or so minutes, or the first 3 chapters of the Shout Factory Blu-ray. In this episode Jerzy and Hoover mainly lament how they'd rather be watching B.O.T. and AERIAL ASSAULT again. JUST KIDDING! It's the MOVIE, obviously, it's the BEST EVAAARRR!!!!!

PLEASE NOTE: The podcast is now EVERY OTHER WEEK due to various very annoying things far out of our control. I wish it didn't have to be, but alas, it does.

UNCLE!!! Due to life being extremely annoying and difficult, after part one of the movie goes up May 27th, we will be switching to coming out every TWO weeks instead of every week. Hoover would certainly rather blow through those Autobot-filled Season Three episodes, however life is doing its best to crush his little head like Hot Rod's tires did to Kickback.

Frankly it's amazing that we've done 78 episodes (a year and a half!) never missing a week, but we are putting on the brakes before all the tires blow out. So look for us in the same place on the same day at the same time, just every OTHER week now.

We'd like to use this time to rally the troops, so PLEASE rate and review us and tell people about us whom you think would appreciate such a podcast. Since we'll be coming out less often, it will be longer until we reach the end of the series, so it would be nice to have more and more listeners in the fold. And ONLY YOU can help make this happen! Please help us find other fans who enjoy this kind of discussion and overthinking, so IDW lets us write a SEASON 2.5 series (ha ha ha).

Thanks for listening and caring about the show. It means a lot.

It's time for another discussion, to reflect on both the STUNTICONS and COMBATICONS, before we move on to THE MOVIE! These two teams didn't get much screen time, but they actually stole both of our hearts! Yes, even AUTOBOT LOVING JERZY!

It's time for another discussion, to reflect on both the AERIALBOTS and PROTECTOBOTS, before we move on to new stories. As one can imagine, JERZY has much more to say than HOOVER this episode, so JERZY ENTHUSIASTS, enjoy! Expect a much strong HOOVER presence next week when we discuss the DECEPTICON COMBINERS from the second season!

Hooooo boy, are you ready to listen to Jerzy slowly lose his mind? Then you've come to the right place. Hoover finds solace in the Swindle story and tries to ignore all the rest, except the three voice artists chosen for the high school kids! We're not exactly ending season 2 with a bang, but it's ending whether we like it or not. 

It's time for the ROBOTS IN DISGUISE to disguise themselves EVEN MORE! By using plot magic, I mean, CAMOUFLAGE PAINT, the AUTOBOTS disguise themselves as the STUNTICONS in order to get the drop on MEGATRON'S latest plan. It's full of clown time, but at least we get to spend some time with DEAD END and BREAKDOWN and get a better handle on these characters. ONLY ONE EPISODE LEFT IN SEASON TWO!!

Apologies for Hoover's audio side being a bit rough in this one. We couldn't determine why that happened.

Ethnic stereotypes! Bizarre plot!! A crazy mcguffin!!! And some decent animation!!!! SPOILER ALERT, Hoover has a NEW least favorite episode of the Transformers! But this will likely get dethroned in season three... speaking of, there's only two more episodes of season two after this! Get in before all the cool kids do.

Picking up mere moments after last episode, we see Starscream quickly ditch the Combaticons, while Onslaught concocts a plan of his own! It seems he has a plan to get to Cybertron and get revenge on not just Megatron, but Starscream as well! This is our longest episode so far! There's a lot to love in this one, but also a few instances of missing the mark. All this, and we get semi-introduced to FIVE NEW TRANSFORMERS! Only 3 more episodes in season two after this one!!

Starscream gets kicked out of the Decepticons (again)! But this time he'll have his revenge and make his very own team to lead, The COMBATICONS!! Does he finally overthrow Megatron and lead the Decepticons into a new era of domination? And does Little Jerzy enjoy Starscream finally getting his due? Tune in to find out!

This episode, MEGATRON catches a bad case of Cosmic Rust, necessitating the kidnapping of PERCEPTOR to fix him up! Will a gracious MEGATRON end his war with the AUTOBOTS in exchange for his life? SPOILER ALERT, HE DOESN'T. Frank Welker gives one heckuva performance as the formerly invulverable merciless MEGATRON experiences a sickness he can't defeat! All this and the final appearance of SPARKPLUG, ever!

It's time to drive across Europe, because Optimus thinks that Megatron will be interested in a very rare and specially made car! And it turns out, HE IS! Is this Megatron's midlife crisis? He wants a sportscar and something called the Pearl of Bahoudin! And he's willing to spend two entire acts looking for it! All this, and the Stunticons smash into stuff!

Slingshot thinks those Decepticons are pretty cool and are unworthy of the bad rap they're given! But in this episode, he will learn otherwise. This episode features the most on-screen death and destruction we've seen yet, and NOT just at the hands of the Decepticons! All this, and Hoover finally notices something that eluded him for more than 35 years!

The Decepticons have some cars... time for the Autobots to get some jets! And we start to see Megatron's worldview versus Prime's worldview in how their creations act. Plus! Another story of how young Jerzy applied the lessons he learned while watching TRANSFORMERS to his personal life in P.E. class!! 

Hang on tight, it's time to be inundated with new characters! Megatron is tired of the Autobots always fitting through mountain roads when his Decepticon jets are too big to follow! So it's time for some Decepticon cars! But don't worry, they're not going to just walk in from stage right like all the other new character reveals this season... these characters have to be CREATED by the oldest computer on Cybertron.... VECTOR SIGMA! Learn all about it along with us for this cool 2 parter, which adds new lore to the series.

No episode reviewed this time! Before we start drowning in Combiner Teams, Jerzy and Hoover talk about all of our Season 2 Autobots INNNN SPAAAAAAAACE like DEVCON, ELITA-1, CHROMIA, FIRESTAR, MOONRACER, and ALPHA TRION. Then we get deep into the weeds discussing the 5 new Decepticons seen so far: DIRGE, RAMJET, THRUST, ASTROTRAIN, and BLITZWING. We'll hear their thoughts and takes on each one. What do they like about them? What don't they like? Listen and find out.

No episode reviewed this time! Before we start drowning in Combiner Teams, Jerzy and Hoover talk about all of our Season 2 Earth Autobots. Just a chat about the 15 different new Autobot earth-based characters we've met so far. Who do they like a lot? Who do they think is okay? Find out here!

"Oh this is the one where the Autobots star in a movie." YEAH, but there's some awesomeness buried in there beneath the memories of Autobots in silly masks doing Frankenstein monster walks. Megatron finally gives Starscream quite the whuppin'. And possibly he didn't even deserve it? And Dirge stays true to form by not succeeding in his attempted mission. Megatron's in a really rotten mood here, even Rumble gets unfairly yelled at. A very mixed bag, but worth a watch!

Boy, first SEASPRAY falls in love, and now POWERGLIDE?? What are all these Harlequin romances doing in my boys action show?? But Hoover and Jerzy are BOTH surprised to learn that this is one of their FAVORITE SEASON TWO EPISODES. How did that happen?? I mean, it's by the writer of DAY OF THE MACHINES, for pete's sake!! Listen here and find out how it all shakes out!

G-G-G-GIRL AUTOBOTS???? They're FOR REAL! Here we meet 4 of them (and kinda meet 2 others) and see what they've been up to on Cybertron (spoiler alert: kicking butt). The only problem is one of them has a SPECIAL POWER that she wants to use on her boyfriend but Grandpa doesn't like that! No, really! Come find out the many things we dig about this episode and the one big weird thing that makes Jerzy wretch.

We're back in New York, based out of Sparkplug's garage, and visiting our breakdancing friend Raoul again! And this time he has two buddies, Poplock, and Rocksteady hanging with him. The trio wants to breakdance their way into DANCITRON, the hottest new club, but it turns out the place is run by DECEPTICONS! Luckily Tracks and Blaster are here to get to the bottom of things! All this, and human girls ask Blaster and Tracks to dance! 

A rich collector-slash-hunter wants Optimus Prime's head mounted on his wall! He and his assistant-slash-butler are capturing Autobots to lure the prize out! And Blitzwing and Astrotrain interfere and screw things up pretty good. Hoover HARUMPHS at the flesh creatures stealing the spotlight but admits the fun originality of the episode, just don't make him watch it over and over... and how exactly did those giant hands come down from the billboard to pick up Blaster, anyway???

Triple Takeover? Are we finally going to learn why the Triple Changers have 3 modes? Well... no, but... we WILL see what great accomplishments they can claim under their tenure as Decepticon leaders! Such great achievements as: yelling at trains, yelling at football coaches, labyrinth construction, and scoreboard alteration. Sounds historic. But more importantly, one of the tallys we've been keeping since the beginning FINALLY went up another notch. All this, and Hoover really further solidifies and explains the whole "WHY MEGATRON DOESN'T JUST KILL STARSCREAM" topic that fandom loves.

It's time to shine a spotlight on the most gurgle-ey Autobot, SEASPRAY! An S.O.S. from across the universe is answered by a small Autobot team, and wouldn't you know it, Seaspray goes and falls in love while there! PLUS a story about Freshman Hoover in Seaspray's big metal shoes! And P.S., as of this episode, we are HALFWAY THROUGH THE SERIES! Happy New Year to you all. Thanks for listening!

Perfect timing has ensued and we now cover the Transformers Christmas Special, WE WISH YOU AN AUTOBOTMAS, which all us TF fans remember well!! Featuring maybe the most surreal ending to a Transformers episode ever, we revisit this one with grown up eyes! Bonus: hear how Jerzy desperately wanted his Windcharger toy to sit criss cross applesauce, and the ensuing tragedy! 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all our listeners. May Santa bring you all the transforming robots you so truly deserve.

Is this the CUTEST episode of the Transformers? Is this the WORST episode of the Transformers? Is this the MOST MEMORABLE episode of the Transformers? Was Pokemon first conceived of right here in this episode? Could ALL these things be true at once? You could maybe make a case! Whatever the truth is, we had an interesting time dissecting it all.  Join us, won't you?

A funny thing happened on the way back to Earth... it seems the Autobots got kidnapped by a Space Pirate named Bosch and now Smokescreen has to win his friends back in a city known for its gambling on a planet far from Earth! Thankfully he only has to deal with three Decepticons the whole time, and two of them don't know their cluster bombs from a hole in the ground. Here is a RARE episode where Hoover actually talks mess about the Decepticons. WHAA???

A handful of Autobots and Decepticons have been whisked away to another world where danger lurks at every turn! See how a mashup of sci-fi genres can result in a very good episode! Also see: Starscream humiliated more than once! Thrust continue to be useless!! Ravage continue the "Cassettes before Jets philosophy!!! All this, and a special farewell to someone we won't see again, except in our dreams!

Turns out the biggest Autobot we know harbors a secret! Was he once really into disco? Did he once kill a man just to watch him die? WORSE THAN ALL THAT! Turns out he used to be buddies with the Constructicons, used to be happy, used to be friendly, and other shocking details. Jerzy and Hoover both love this one though the animation at times causes them to facepalm like Ironhide does in this episode. 

We at Four Million Years Later wish all our American listeners a happy Thanksgiving, and as for the rest of you, we wish you a happy Thursday!

The MORPHOBOTS are on a quest... a quest for SURVIVAL! .... I guess? In any case, SOMEONE is on a quest this episode! Maybe it's THICC COSMOS. But it turns out it's OPTIMUS who should go on a quest to learn how not to commit genocide. Hear him get a STERN TALKING TO from Jerzy, while Hoover condones SOUNDWAVE laughing at STARSCREAM. Enjoy this Transformers episode that make us and Columbia from the Rocky Horror Picture Show say, "IT'S OKAY!"

TRIGGER WARNING: ROBOTIC INSECTS SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE.

What happens when you mix Transformers with Hill Street Blues? In this episode, our flying Corvette buddy TRACKS finds a friend... a HUMAN, even! Scrapper works out some issues, Sideswipe treats Ravage like a football, and Megatron is defeated by spray paint. And no, spray paint is NOT the name of the newest Autobot! All this and Sparkplug moves far away from that annoying son of his!!

This episode we head into SPAAAAAACE! When Cosmos crashes down on a moon of Saturn, he is mistaken for a SKY GOD by the moon's people, something Astrotrain is only TOO HAPPY to exploit! This episode is probably the closest the guys have come to disagreeing on an episode, which makes for interesting listening... hopefully? Hit us up at FourMillionYearsLater@gmail.com and let us know if you are TEAM JERZY or TEAM HOOVER!

Hoover's busy playing terrible video games from the early 90s! What does Jerzy do without him?? He has a talk with his buddy and fellow artist CHRIS GIARRUSSO about how he got into Transformers, and how that unfolded in a step by step process. You also get to hear the sad tale of Jerzy's sole 11th birthday gift.  Episode discussion resumes next episode!

What happens when Beachcomber discovers a lake of electrum? The animators scramble to buy more yellow paint, that's what. Oh and we also get a great story about the collateral damage of wars. And we get to learn who the ONE Decepticon is who even gets guff from LONG HAUL. All this, and insight into 13 year old Jerzy!!!

Normally I would type up a little missive, but all I have to say is STARSCREAM AND RUMBLE GET POOPED ON BY PIGEONS. That should be enough.

That Blaster, his rock n roll tunes just drive the other Autobots CRAAAAZY! But what happens when Megatron needs him for his latest scheme? (Soundwave must've had the week off?) And what happens when the biggest Transformer YET debuts to not much fanfare at all? All this and Spike and Carly go to THE MOON! And Jerzy complains about the incorrect amount of gravity on the moon, while Hoover complains about the lack of Seeker dialogue, so it must be a day ending in Y!

Time for an adventure ON CYBERTRON! What trouble will Spike and Carly get into on ANOTHER PLANET? Lots of carnage in this one with sentient robots DYING! But don't worry, they look like they're from the 1970s, so it's okay. Also, Jerzy and Hoover are shocked to find dirt on Cybertron?? All this, and what made 11 year old Jerzy say "NOOOOOOOO" to the screen while crossing his arms angrily.

What if I kept you and 4 of your friends in a closet in my house and only let you out when I needed something? Think you might want out of that arrangement? Yeah, I thought so. So do the Dinobots. Plus, CARLY IS BACK! 

There's 100% LESS HOOVER this week as Jerzy dives in to get a younger person's perspective on the original cartoon, Beast Wars, and how Michael Bay movies can actually get you into a franchise you have no prior experience with! Ashley talks about other favorite cartoons, shows, and movies, and what the through-line of it all is. 

Episode commentary returns next week with DESERTION OF THE DINOBOTS PART 1!

Megatron has sent the Autobots into THE SUN! Berger now wants THREE cities instead of TWO!! And Soundwave and the cassettes hit up a TEEN DANCE!!! Wait, WHAT?? The only thing better is what we ALMOST got! Hear all about it in this week's episode!!!

Thanks to CHRIS MCFEELY for contributing in this episode and for being a boon to the fandom. He knows so very much about the show!! Check out his blog of facts about all the G1 episodes!! :

https://chrismcfeely.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/g1facts

Gang-- we've been HAD. It turns out that for 34 episodes, we've all ben fed a LIE. It turns out that the Autobots are EVIL and the Decepticons are the GOOD ONES!! But thankfully, the truth has been REVEALED! Oh the POWER of PUBLIC RELATIONS!!

See: Brawn be angry!  Jerzy give side-eye to the Autobots' plan!! Decepticons get drunk!!! And Hoover gets two great scenes to LOVE!!!! All this and someone ACTUALLY WROTE US!!!!!

In this episode... Frenzy and Rumble almost vaporize Optimus Prime. NO FOOLIN'. Also, we get to know an Autobot who essentially suffers brain damage from a concussion. This cartoon was way ahead of it's time! Jerzy and Hoover both love this one and both somehow manage not to cry when talking about it. But you should still listen anyway!

This episode we focus on new characters GRAPPLE and HOIST as we get to know what their deal is. Are they REALLY going to team up with the CONSTRUCTICONS??? GASP!! And I will also tell you that Optimus Prime plays basketball with a few other Autobots, and you won't believe me, but it's true. Optimus Prime plays basketball. Just wait til next episode where Megatron plays JENGA! All this and Jerzy tries not to cry at the end.

Starscream becomes an environmentalist! Time warps appear all over the place! Numerous new Autobots show up and show off! Jerzy weeps at brave Bumblebee! And Hoover weeps at not enough Decepticon development! All in the latest exciting* episode of Four Million Years Later!

* Warning: episode may not actually be exciting.

The Dinobots are MOVING ON UP out of the Ark's closet and to a deluxe apartment in the sky-y-y. NO, SORRY, I mean they're moving to a mysterious prehistoric island that was accidentally found in the middle of the ocean.  PLUS, Powerglide tells us a lot about Powerglide, Starscream is as nervous as we've ever seen, and all of the sudden, there's new characters everywhere we turn. EVEN RIGHT OVER THERE! All this, and Hoover and Jerzy's collaborative fan fiction about Thundercracker at the library. Don't miss it!!

The bugs are BACK! What's better than three Insecticons? Three BIGGER Insecticons! Unless you're Megatron, that is! Hoover giggles at robots belly-aching and Jerzy cries over Spike's bravado in the face of potential explosive death. And we meet two new Autobots, Beachcomber and Inferno!!! If you think two new guys in one episode is plenty, welllll, enjoy next episode...

Oh no, there's suddenly TWO Optimus Primes?? Which is the real deal?? Guess we'll have to race to find out! Uh, yeah, this episode has problems alright, and more than just there being two Primes. But it's also got some great animation, and a solid premise. Listen to Jerzy improve the episode, and listen to Hoover MARVEL at the awesomeness of Laserbeak in this episode. For real, Laserbeak, you the real MVP.

Now for the other side of the coin, covering the 21, or 22 (Does Devastator count in addition to the Constructicons?) or 24 (Does Reflector count as 3?) Decepticons that we've encountered so far. Because season 2 is gonna show us at least 15 more! So let's sum 'em up and talk about these bots we love so much.

Episode coverage will resume next time with "A Prime Problem"!

A bit of a break from the norm; before the new characters start showing up, we're taking a minute to discuss the many Autobots we already know, as well as their little squishy friends.  Don't worry, I edited out the 2 hours Jerzy spent crying and muttering "How is Chip so good??"

And yep, that means next time we're covering the Decepticons. Episode coverage will resume after that with "A Prime Problem"!

First off, please forgive the audio issues this episode, we were dealing with two separate audio problems teaming up!

So THE CORE is not a PRETTY episode, but is it a BAD one?? We found it's NOT! You might just shut your eyes and listen to it. Chip Chase is BACK, and he's got a PLAN! But so does MEGATRON! And Starscream has a SNIPER RIFLE and 6 Autobots in his sights!! Tune in and find out why we groaned at this episode as children but have a new appreciation for it as.... older children.

Dr. Fujiyama (the famous scientist) has created a female ninja robot, which is definitely NOT an assassin, even though it has nunchucks, throwing stars, and sais! Definitely not!! Megatron MUST HAVE IT, and Starscream gets all kinds of jelly!! Good story, pretty good animation... it's even got Rumble and Frenzy. All this, and Trailbreaker gets blasted across a huge auditorium!! 

Well... Hoover had a lot of issues with this episode. Buuuuut, at least it wasn't animated by Akom? Thankfully there were SOME redeeming things in here that we were able to call attention to. Still didn't stop us from talking about it for an hour and a half. It's got Frenzy, and it's got Skyfire, so each of our hosts had SOMETHING to like. And it's got... Paul??? Give it a listen!

In this exciting episode, if IMDB is to be believed, the DECEPTICONS MAKE FRIENDS UNDER THE SEA! It really doesn't go quite that way... but there's plenty of Autobot cars-on-waterskiis, Subatlantican telepathy, and bad guys turning on other badguys action! So grab your speedo and scuba mask like Spike and dive in!!!

In this episode we mention the TOY GALAXY HISTORY OF ENTERTECH video. Find that here: https://youtu.be/lqgNYho9xl8

We also mention the old serial THE CRIMSON GHOST. Find that here: https://youtu.be/347pjR9A-pw

There's.... well, there's a lot of sighing in this episode. This is another one of the AKOM-animated episodes, and it... it looks pretty bad. Very bad even. So the challenge is, can we find the good in it?? Well, we found some!! It's got Chip Chase, so you know Jerzy ferreted some good out. And it's got some nice Skywarp action, so Hoover was pleased with that at least. What else was there to like? LISTEN AND FIND OUT!

See: a Wheeljack invention that WORKS! Witness: Ironhide feel SAD!! Behold: a new flesh creature that can handle business Rosie-The-Riveter style!!! All this and Bumblebee visits the arcade!!!! (Sorry for Jerzy's randomly-ramping-up-loudly audio in this one. I've taken away all his Bumblebee toys to punish him.)

Uh oh! Has somebody SWITCHED SIDES?? Behold: Cliffjumper cliffjump to conclusions!! Listen to young Jerzy discover the meaning of two different phrases!! And Hoover shows he appreciates easily-contented characters with no drive!!

In this episode, the Autobots attack... some jets on an airstrip?? Megatron reveals the weirdest aerosol spray ever!! Starscream has absolutely nothing to say... about ANYTHING! All this and a human smashes a window in order to jump out of it, hides in a dumpster, and has said dumpster go flying into a brick wall with her in it, but emerges unscathed! And yet I stub my toe and am bedridden for 3 months??? 

AVERT YOUR EYES, FOR THIS EPISODE IS NOT PRETTY. I mean the Transformers cartoon episode, not our podcast episode. But you can avert your eyes while you listen to the podcast too; that picture of the volcano doesn't ever move. Anyway, EXPERIENCE: The return of the Constructicons! Optimus Prime CUT TO PIECES!! Season 2 music start sneaking in!!! All this and an ALLIGATOCON!!!! 

After 17 episodes of barely saying anything, it's time for GEARS to shine! Witness: Starscream, on his BEST BEHAVIOR!! Experience: The Autobots DRIVING from North America to Africa?? And watch in horror as Prime and the Autobots mow down MILES of TREES!!! WHAT?? All in our latest exciting episode!

We're back to talking about episodes, and here is AUTOBOT SPIKE to kick off season two. In this episode we hear young Jerzy's shocked reaction to the new SEASON TWO OPENING! Jerzy upgrades the script from an intermediate level to young adult level!! Hoover lovingly talks about Reflector!!! Jerzy actually THROWS SHADE at Optimus Prime!!!! And we mispronounce Donald F Glut's last name YET AGAIN (sorry Chris)!!!!! All this and the creepiest quote in the series (so far, at least). Stick a colander on your head and transfer your mind into your podcast player!!

Part two of our Season One Wrap-up includes a lot of praise from listeners! Comments come in from Chris Giarrusso (yes, THAT Chris Giarrusso, of MINI MARVELS and G-MAN), David Cabal (of the RETROCABAL podcast), Miguel @LogosMinor/@BoricuaConvoy, Rick Heinichen (of the podcast JEFF AND RICK PRESENT UNPACKING THE POWER OF POWER PACK), Guy Jessop-Braithwaite, Ashley Knapp, and Rob Stenzinger (of the LEAN INTO ART podcast).

The sites we recommend in this episode: 

http://www.tfwiki.net

http://www.TFW2005.com

https://chrismcfeely.tumblr.com

Tallus76Photography on Facebook

http://www.youtube.com/user/RodimusPrimal 

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisMcFeely

YouTube channel Transformers At the Moon (search for this one-- their link is a bunch of random characters)

Thanks to everyone who's ever left a comment, posted a review, sent an email, or recommended the podcast. You make this all worth it.

So we went to do a season wrap-up show not sure we'd have enough to talk about, and it ended up being twice as long as usual, so we decided to post it in two parts, as I'd be very surprised if anyone wanted to listen to us for 2 1/2 hours in one sitting! In this half, we set the scene talking about the cartoon and toy landscapes of 1984, and how Transformers changed so many things, being an innovation, and literal worldwide phenomenon. You'll get to hear Jerzy discover UHF stations! Experience young Hoover shocked and excited that a GIRL collected Transformers!! And learn the terrible tragedy slash CBS Special Event that forever distanced Jerzy from his family!!! YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AFTER THIS EPISODE!!!! (Ok, so it probably will, but hey, you never know...)

Prime channels Judge Dredd! Megatron cheats! Starscream won't shut up! Two Constructicons don't talk at all! Wait, what are Constructicons?? Find out in this episode of FOUR MILLION YEARS LATER!!

SEE: Three new characters debut! HEAR: A tale of young Jerzy walking into an electric fence!! AND BE TAKEN ABACK BY: An episode WITHOUT Starscream!!!

Hang onto your catalytic data assemblies; this episode debuts a NEW SEGMENT!! PLUS: Hoover solves a mystery! The guys pitch to IDW!! And the Autobots laugh at someone getting murdered!!! All this, and it's part 4 of a 3-part series!! MATH IS HARD!!! 

CYBERTRON'S IN EARTH ORBIT!! BRAWN'S WHUPPING BUTT!! AUTOBOTS ARE REDECORATING DECEPTICON HQ WITH LASER FIRE!! ALL THIS AND MEGATRON'S BAD MANAGEMENT SKILLS!! (PLUS: JERZY GETS TEARY-EYED ON THE TREADMILL!!)

DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS ENSUES AS CYBERTRON IS PULLED INTO EARTH'S ORBIT!! See!: Megatron choke out Starscream!! Behold!: Spike act all despondent!! Witness!: Dinobots actually do a good job!! All this and tales of how cool high school Jerzy was, stealing Skyfire's catchphrase!!

It's time for another 3 parter! And time to introduce a new human! And time for Megatron's CRAZIEST PLAN YET involving special.... CARGO. All this and the Seekers get in a SHOVING MATCH!!

You loved the Dinobots from two episodes ago, right? Well here we go again!!!

HEAR: COMRADES WHO HATE EACH OTHER! WOKE GIRLS WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN ANCIENT GODS! JUANITA'S SECRET ORIGIN! AND ALL THE BEING THROWN OFF A BUILDING THAT YOU CAN STAND!!

YOU'VE HAD 7 EPISODES, SURELY YOU'VE BOUGHT ALL THE TOYS BY NOW! SO HERE'S THREE MORE! THIS EPISODE: Hear Donald F. Glut write unusual dialogue! Learn the sad sad story of how Hoover got the Grimlock toy! And hear Jerzy get uncomfortable as the Autobots line up for spankings! 

A new Transformer appears! But WHAT SIDE IS HE ON?? DUN DUNNN DUUUUNNNNNNN!

Another Chip Chase episode, will Jerzy cry tears of earnest admiration??  Warning: this episode is 72 billion astroseconds long (roughly 90 minutes). Trigger Warning: This episode features a computerized lock.

Today's episode is tastier than a piece of OILCAKE!

Happy New Year! The miniseries is OVER! But Transformers CONTINUES! And so does our analysis.

Here it is, the titanic ending to the first miniseries!!

Jerzy, Hoover, & another 22 minutes of Transformers that somehow takes about 4 times as long to unpack.  But it was the first appearance of Lightningstrike, Sunspot, Partly, and Cloudy, so you have to allow for that.

"WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!!"

Jerzy and Hoover begin their long path back down Gee Wun from the very beginning.

Primer... GET IT?

Jerzy is joined by Hoover as the pair discuss what this podcast is, what it isn't, its alt mode (lamppost), and how it compares and contrasts to other podcasts on this theme. Then, every subsequent Thursday will be a Jerz-day as we revisit the series one episode at a time. Apologies for Hoover's Betty Rubble Laugh. And nasal voice. And wrong opinions. And that he didn't just mute his part of the audio feed before exporting. Sorry.

Starting Thursday December 5th 2019... weekly episodes discussing the original animated series!

Jerzy is joined by Hoover as the pair discuss each and every episode. Tune in December 5th for our "zero episode" / Primer on what this podcast is, what it isn't, and how it compares and contrasts to other podcasts on this theme. Then, every subsequent Thursday will be a Jerz-day as we revisit the series one episode at a time. 

Here's a commercial for the show, which hopefully prepares you for the in-depth nerdity you're in store for.

Concluding my #artsoundoff entries with some thoughts on Thrust, Dirge, & Ramjet, and how the TF series had a more humane approach to army builder characters.

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The heroic (and emoting) Maximal commander is today's subject.

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This time I'm thinking about Transformers with southern accents and how scratching our heads about it breaks the poetry of fiction for kids.

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Today I think about some of the human characters from the various Transformers series.

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Possibly one of the greatest Transformers of all time? Certainly one of the greatest character arcs.

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Transformers: Animated and Transformers: Prime's take on the original Autobot medic is the subject of today's entry.

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One more look at Starscream, this time through the lens of two later shows--Transformers: Animated and Transformers: Prime.

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This time I talk about what I took away from Skyfire as a kid and as an adult.

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Some bad guys are just not-so-good guys mixed up with the wrong crowd. Today I talk about one of the more memorable ones.

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The avuncular, craggy adviser for Rodimus. I honestly thought I'd be driving a pickup truck that looked like him when I grew up.

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This time I talk about the wild giant fire ant who broke (or stretched) some implicit rules of the Transformers franchise.

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Today I talk about the one Transformer who might be a Buddhist.

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Is he despicably loyal to Megatron or a usurper? 11-year-old Jerzy couldn't make heads or tails of this guy. Current-day-Jerzy thinks he's a vital supporting character to a TF series.

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One of my favorite Transformers. The Autobot courier gave 13-year-old Jerzy permission to be nervous.

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Three Decepticons who practice and demonstrate adaptability and the power in humble goals.

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Leaders can come from anywhere, as this heroic Maximal teaches us.

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This time I talk about a new layer of darkness introduced into the Transformers franchise through the evil scientist spider, Tarantulas.

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Today I spend some time talking about a birthday present and a loudmouthed Autobot plane.

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Even bad guys can love each other. That's the lesson I learned from three Robots in Disguise characters I call "The Predacon Brothers."

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Today I break format and talk about several characters in a group--I call them "the old dudes."

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