Charmed Rewind

The Charmed Ones suck so bad they get put on trial. Darryl is on death row. The promo thinks this is sexy?

Phoebe is turned into a genie and Chris is surprised to find out that breaking up his parents before he was born could have negative consequences.

The Charmed Ones' dreams come to life when they totally fail to save the Sandman from death. Leo is pregnant as an aside. 

Piper is put into a coma by some fruit, so Prue and Phoebe animate a ninja toy and it goes around killing people. Neighbor Dan fetches the sodas. 

It's the iconic first appearance of the Charmed One's greatest enemy: Barbas! Billy Drago appears once every 1300 years to be easily defeated by an ADR line. Phoebe finds a ladybug. 

The girls must go undercover as sexy Valkyries to rescue Leo from Valhalla, also Phoebe gets her empathy powers and is at her most annoying. Smash Mouth and Joe Millionaire as a talking dog, I guess?

When a banshee comes to town, the show finds an opportunity to put Phoebe into another sexy costume. Also, Prue becomes a dog. Featuring Cole's Sears portrait. 

When a student at Magic School summons Lady Godiva, Phoebe must annoyingly stand up against breastfeeding discrimination or something. Sexism is defeated. 

Piper becomes a vicious monster. Later, she also becomes a wendigo.

This episode is epically bad. The girls turn into PMS werewolves. 

Special guest 8-Bit Mickey joins us to discuss an episode with evil babies, dancing around child loss, uhhh...fetus transference?? Look it's bad. It's really bad.

Welp, it was a bad run, but it's time for CHWAV to come to a close. Charmed 2018 is just too awful. See you on Charmed Rewind, folks!

Harry's son dies and he's pretty indifferent about it, because he must steal the soul of a little chocolate stealing boy who is related to him in some fashion, because he wants to be mortal, which Macy talks to her ghost mom about, after a quick detour with Maggie and two other time wasting ghosts. Mel loves her Dear Wife.

Things seem too good to be true because things are actually happening on Charmed, which is how we know it will all be reversed by the end. 

A monster-pocalypse has started off-screen, but Maggie has like school assignments and stuff. Can two weirdos in unisex outfits help the sisters out? 

Jordan and Macy get trapped in a purse which leaps them into Jordan's past, Mel and Maggie meet a new member of the family, and Harry and Abigael get real chill with Fenric the Vile. 

Macy faces racism in the workplace, Mel sits a lot to hide her pregnancy, and Maggie somehow can't meet the deadline for a 30 second assignment. 

The girls are trapped in an interdimensional monster prison, but I think everyone is wondering what exciting thing Kevin will do this episode. 

The anagram for "solve" is "we hated this episode." 

Maggie does Flashdance, Mel apparently loves snuff videos, and Macy continues her backslide into the most boring character. Jordan is inspirational. 

Yo dawg we heard you like reboots, so we put a reboot in your reboot's reboot!

The Charmed Ones go on separate fetch quests in order to fix their screw up. Meanwhile, Jimmy is a florist, drunk old Celeste is resigned to death, and the girls argue about who gets to leave the show first. Peter joins us to mourn CarMan.

It's the death of an icon on Charmed today. The sisters breathe a sigh of relief because it wasn't anyone important to them. Aunt Viv has a Power Glove.

Let's Do the Reboot Again as Charmed once more tries to revamp its image, except this time there's a pandemic. Storylines will be hastily wrapped up. Large groups of invisible magic black market dealers won't be seen. Mel will make dumb decisions. 

In every generation there is a chosen one. He alone will stand against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness. He is the ice cream man.

Grandma Ghost! Dark Leo! Baby voice Halliwells! 98 Degrees! Will Chris get a Wiccaning or will the girls be mental children forever? The stakes have never been lower! Mom comes back too but that's not important.

A young Misha Collins shows up as the Charmed Ones deal with Deanmon Norris, screened in cats, and random twins. 

It's Halloween in July as the Charmed Ones complain, haunt reporters with traumatizing pasts, and turn people in rats. Billie has a back story that they ignore.

A government-created demon virus is sweeping the magical world, but Piper wants a vacation and Phoebe wants a break from dates. We are introduced to Margoyle, the Charmed Ones greatest enemy. 

In this explosive season (series?) finale, CarMan makes a bold move of talking with his aunt forever, two of our heroes get stuck in a marble, and Harry hangs out with drunk old Celeste. Tune in to find out about the exciting cliffhanger!!!

Is Macy the daughter of Darryl? Is Jordan a Gary Stu? How many people have ran into their invisible house? Let's meet Harry before we met Harry in this newest episode of Charmed.

It's an Ocean's Eleven style Harry-heist. Jor Jor Binks is smart for the first time.

This show's gonna lose. BUG TIME.

The girls must face their fears and the creeping presence of the monster mash when an Elder shows up out of the woodwork to prove that the Elders are still...you know. 

Phelan and I are joined by Peter to talk about Charmed's most treasured episode, the one where French Stewart is a genie.

CarMan returns! This is all Parker's fault, somehow. 

The Charmed Ones discover more things that hadn't been written into the show yet, Harry makes a Pretty Woman deal with Abigael, and Carman floats past a van down by the river. 

Macy makes a deal with Abigael to help her remove her demon powers, Maggie and Harry team up to catch a darklighter, and Mel helps. Sausages are angrily burnt, dungeons are in SD, and the fashion segment returns!

Harry is poisoned with season 2-itis, Julian reveals he's the world's worst superhero, and Galvin repeatedly asks what year it is. Jordan continues to astound with his unlikability. Mel exists. I think sisters were in this show at some point.

Abigael returns to audible groans, Maggie helps out scum of the earth Jordan, and Mel has some bonding time with their dad. Harry appears to have taken a dumb dumb potion. 

Charmed Dad isn't as dead as the girls thought, Macy goes on a date with her own daddy of the sugar kind, and Jordan continues to bring about equal parts disgust and apathy. Phelan and I delve into why this season is so disappointing but mostly make jokes .2% of the audience will get. 

Watch out, everyone, sexism is over! When Prue is turned into a man, the Cranberries help her understand how the other half lives. A creepy sweaty Alyssa Milano fetishist cameos. 

When the Angel of Death comes for Leo, Piper hatches a plan to make every guy in the world Leo so she can be needlessly mean to all of them. Along the way we meet a strange demon in a turtleneck and cape, Paige goes on a punishment date, and we imagine Leo's head on his children's bodies. 

Maggie and Parker are getting married but their perfect Beyonce/Jay-Z wedding is ruined when he goes into an apple mania. Mel turns into an Animorph and touches some magic tree sap. Jordan fights a crippling Gushers addiction. Twitter clapbacks beget Twitter clapbacks. This episode sucked and we hated it.

The show does another hasty rewrite (?), sweat is stolen (?), and we celebrate (?) the return of a beloved (?) first season character. The demon overlord Phoebe plots her vengeance. 

Dark Harry makes Macy a romantic dinner while her sisters sing karaoke and get into bar fights; meanwhile Boxer Boy continues his transformation into Galvin 2.0. Phelan and I argue for way too long about whitelighter rules. 

Where were you when the almond milk incident occurred? Have you checked Parker's Insta lately? Who let the Harry out, who-who-who-who-who? Anyone's dreams could come true on America's Got Talent. 

Macy, Mel, and Abigail take down the demon patriarchy while Harry uncovers a super unsurprising secret about his dark half. Maggie has an office.

Mel and Harry visit Van Gogh world and learn about Etsy pages, Macy meets a mysterious and obvious villain, and Maggie, most importantly, has an important job interview. 

Harry and Macy go on a road trip, sneak into a demon club, and wear cool black outfits. Meanwhile, Maggie discovers not only are they fake dead, but their father is real dead. TikTok is involved at some point. 

The Charmed Reboot is back and more reboot-y than ever! With evil doubles, magical malls, and a complete destruction of the previous season. The Yelp reviews are in, and things are gonna get messy. 

It's Halloween with the Halliwells! The girls time travel back to the days of bad wigs, protest some stereotypes, and leave Leo and Darryl to their romantic subplot back home. 

Thanks, Colebama. 

It's super knock-off time as the Charmed Ones just do Pirates of the Caribbean. We are also introduced to our newest teen heartthrob: old man pirate Captain Blackjack Cutting.

The Charmed Ones step into the ring with some demonic WCW wrestlers, Piper steals souls, and Ron Perlman rips off Phantasm.

How far back can we rewind? How about to the Unaired Pilot? Join us as we go back to the beginning and learn about generic 90s men in sweaters, Darryl with a personality, and the Phoebe before Phoebe. 

Just in time for Father's Day, let's celebrate the episode of Charmed where the girls go to the 60s and must ensure that their grandmother becomes a man-hating hag. Groovy baby!

It's time for the first Charmed Rewind! Patreon voted, and the winner was that one time Phoebe turned into a mermaid and complained a lot. Thanks, Colebama!

Uhh is it possible to be TOO much like OG Charmed? They're taking us back to the series finale with bad time travel, forgetting their own continuity, and, of course, taking a good idea and making it stupid. It's the season finale of season 1!

Harry has absolutely no luck at all, Macy doesn't check her Black Eyed Privilege, the villains get wiped out super easy, and Phelan wonders why Parker doesn't just turn into a frog and hop over a ring of fire.

The Charmed Ones are just as good as ever when all of the Elders are killed, also Ghost Mom displays clear favoritism by not getting Macy a cool weapon. But to be fair, Macy completely loses it over almond milk.

Parker turns into Magnum PI, Alastair transforms into a third rate magician, and Niko becomes Bizarro Darryl. Put on your amazing sequin body suit and place your bets as to who will make it to the finale. 

Can you drink a Galvin of root beer? What cases go to Small Claims Whitelighter Court? What do you do about Bugle Fingers? These questions and more are brought up but may never be answered.

It's snoozes aplenty when a cult comes to town and Harry becomes a super old man, who is normal. Can the girls save him before he turns into oatmeal?

Mel wears gold lamé and dropkicks Charity like a straight white male. Meanwhile, we find out just what's part of a Charmed One's balanced breakfast. 

Mel and Maggie switch bodies, Parker considers switching from guitar to ukulele, and Macy forgets to tell Galvin that Jumanji is off.

Macy brings her favorite TV characters to life and I desperately try to think of an appropriate episode title that doesn't relate to Maggie's, er...enLIGHTening situation. 

Maggie begins her transformation into full Phoebe One, Mel snoozes through the ep, and Macy and Galvin see a Miss Cleo about a dolphin. 

Macy digs for answers to her (dead) past and meets the K-Mart-keeper, Maggie goes to a party and orders some margs, and Harry is sad because he didn't have a cooler son. But perhaps the biggest twist of all...Lucy is a sleeper agent!

Maggie joins a singing ensemble with a sassy teacher who wants to kill the audience softly with his song. They encounter their greatest enemy, Jean-Ralphio. An outfit so bonkers appears I have to pause for like five minutes to recover. 

Harry's stuck in Hell-jail, Galvin broke his leg and gained a personality, and Maggie fake cries because Parker wants to know if she has the lecture notes.  How much recap is too much recap? What is a good portmanteau for Macy/Galvin? All I know is it smells like white privilege in here.

We actually enjoyed an episode?! In this mid-season finale, it's laughs aplenty as the women (not girls) try to throw a Christmas party, Parker attempts to steal their Charmed DNA, Macy wears (pants), and Galvin passes out on the toilet. Jingle hell is other people, Archie. 

Maggie can't decide between an internship with a dating app or EvilCo, Mel joins a group of rogue witches, and Macy wears mom jeans. Phelan insists on including the terrible Modelland theme song.

Hipster Torgo shows up at the house for help and Parker reveals his horrible secret...he's got diabetes! Things have taken a turn for the worse in New Charmed.

Lucy is hit with Sub Rosa pheromone, Macy sees Miss Cleo to inquire about her origins, and Galvin takes framed photos of himself to his birthday party. Were we drunk on wine coolers watching this?

Why exactly are two women fighting over Galvin, a living Ambien? Just how awful is Mel? Was their mother secretly evil? And is Harry stuck in the worst episode of Quantum Leap? In the original timeline, all of these questions were answered.

Sure Angela might kill a lot of people, but what happened to women supporting women?! Also the Elders are...y'know.

Maggie wants to throw a sweet Halloween party but the Harbinger of Evil is totally throwing off her groove. Meanwhile, Macy's lab buddies do some Halloween science and we meet the elusive sorori-lawyer. Back off, white man!

The women (not girls) find themselves in a Liar Liar situation. Meanwhile, we continue to dive deep into Macy's heritage. Did their mother sell her for drug money? It's just like Brexit.

In the premiere of our Charmed 2018 podcast, the Charmed Ones take on Mr. Freeze and the patriarchy. Did it hold up to the original?