Self Care School's Spam Filter for Your Brain

Waiting for other people to change - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 44

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that constantly striving for happiness may be an unhelpful paradigm.

Key Takeaways:

• How can we rely less on others and create our own emotional well-being?
• We want others to change their behaviour (so we can stop feeling rubbish)
• Working out what we are hoping to get from this.
• By identifying and creating emotions within our own lives, we can have more power to construct the well-being and life we desire.

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/waiting-for-other-people-to-change

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

How to unstuck - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 43

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that constantly striving for happiness may be an unhelpful paradigm.

Key Takeaways:

• Changing thoughts can lead to different feelings about the same circumstances
• Regret is difficult and unpleasant - we all know this - but what can we do about it?
• Our emotions come from our own thoughts and sensations in our body
• Why treating oneself with more compassion and kindness is probably a good idea

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-to-unstuck-and-avoid-regret

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

When you don't want to (how to say no with confidence) - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 42

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, I look at why we dance around the subject of saying no and then get really worried when we manage it.

Key Takeaways:

• Why we need to practice saying no
• How we struggle of over-explaining and worrying about inconveniencing others
• Why this looks a lot like people-pleasing
• And why this does not work

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/when-you-don-t-want-to-how-to-say-no-with-confidence

Emotional Wellbeing Kit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

Because happiness is not enough - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 41

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that constantly striving for happiness may be an unhelpful paradigm.

Key Takeaways:

• The drawbacks of striving for happiness
• The importance of embracing all emotions
• Some weird analogies
• How we limit our own experiences
• The necessity of contrast and comparison

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/because-happiness-is-not-enough

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

How to Make Decisions When You Do Not Know The Next Step - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 40

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, I look at how to make decisions, one step at a time.

Key Takeaways:

• The challenge of decision-making.
• Feeling overwhelmed by options (anyone? 👋🏼)
• Finding the smallest possible step to move closer to your goal.
• How to stop telling yourself everything has gone wrong.

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-to-make-decisions-when-you-do-not-know-the-next-step

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

Hidden Consequences of People Pleasing - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 39

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that constantly striving for happiness may be an unhelpful paradigm.

Key Takeaways:

• How can we rely less on others and create our own emotional well-being?
• We want others to change their behaviour (so we can stop feeling rubbish)
• Working out what we are hoping to get from this.
• By identifying and creating emotions within our own lives, we can have more power to construct the well-being and life we desire.

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/hidden-consequences-of-people-pleasing

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

What people pleasing is not - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 38

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the possibility that putting everyone before us all the time can be exhausting.

Key Takeaways:

• Why people pleasing does not feel very nice
• How prioritising everyone else above ourselves is probably not the flex you think it is
• Why this makes us tired all the time
• What else is possible

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/what-people-pleasing-is-not

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

Emotional Rollercoaster - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 37

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that constantly striving for happiness may be an unhelpful paradigm.

Key Takeaways:

• Self care is not all rainbows and daisies (in fact it is rarely rainbows and daisies)
• But not sorting this stuff out is no nicer
• It is always about how to stop being so self critical
• It is possible to not feel terrible all the time.
• 
  

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/the-emotional-rollercoaster

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

Why you need to stop being mean to yourself - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 36

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon looks at the unpopular opinion that trying to control other people, probably does not work.

Key Takeaways:

• Maybe your inner critic is not a reliable source of judgment
• Remembering we learnt all this stuff
• Why it is important to pause
• Exploring other possibilities and truths to counter negative self-talk
• Why this impacts the world

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/why-you-need-to-stop-being-mean-to-yourself-why-self-criticism-is-not-the-way-to-self-loveWhy you need to stop being mean

Emotional Wellbeing Kit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

How to Make Time for Yourself Replay: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/maketime

When Your Heart Cannot Stop Being Tested - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 35

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon delves into the importance of embracing emotions – even the difficult ones – and how they can ultimately lead to personal growth and deeper connections with others. I look at the significance of practising empathy and compassion towards others, and finding moments of joy amidst challenging times. There are some tips for dealing with overwhelming emotions.

Key Takeaways:

• Big raw emotions are what life is all about, even the painful ones.
• Experiencing intense emotions enables us to empathise with others and connect on a deeper level.
• Going through tough moments can help with collective community healing

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/when-your-heart-cannot-stop-being-tested-by-big-emotions

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

What to do when you cannot decide what to do - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 33

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, we explore the idea of happiness and how constantly seeking it can actually make us unhappy. We explore emotions and self-awareness and intentional decision-making. I discuss the concept of escaping emotions and how society promotes a binary view of right and wrong, happy and unhappy, which can lead to self-criticism. We look at how to develop awareness and control over our preferences and responses to different experiences in life.

Key Takeaways:

• Why chasing happiness is not the cure-all we have been sold it to be
• Why trying to escape your emotions rarely works
• Why right or wrong or binary thinking makes us more judgemental and less happy or unhappy

Full transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-to-stop-chasing-happiness

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

What to do when you cannot decide what to do - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 33

This week I am talking about how we can stop spinning in indecision and make decisions which always align with our values.

Key Takeaways:

• The wild notion that you cannot get things wrong
• Reminding yourself you have the power to choose how we feel about the decision we make
• Realising we have the ability to choose how to think about situations and how we treat ourselves
• Realising when we are dicks to ourselves it creates a fear of making mistakes

Blog on the Podcast: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-to-make-decisions

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

For the ones who feel too much - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 32

This week I am talking about how to deal with big feelings in a healthy way. I'll share some tips for understanding your emotions, coping with them, and finding healthy ways to express them.

Key Takeaways:

• When we try to avoid our emotions, we're actually just making them worse
• Noticing the things we do to escape them.
• Observing where we are mixing up what an emotion feels like and what trying to escape it feels like.
• How, as with everything, telling yourself you're getting it wrong probably is not helping.

Blog on the Podcast: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/for-the-ones-who-feel-big-emotions

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

What to do when you feel overwhelmed - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 31

This episode explores the topic of seeking external validation and the discomfort that comes with allowing others to have different opinions about us.

Key Takeaways:

• Seeking external validation is a common practice (spoiler: there is nothing wrong with you)
• But it is probably worth thinking about whether you like it or not.
• There is enormous freedom in being willing to feel discomfort.
• Not everyone is going to like us, and we can save a lot of energy when we realise this
• It's important to include ourselves in the work we do towards creating a world where everyone feels welcome, loved, and safe.

Blog on the Podcast: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/what-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed

Emotional Resilience Toolkit: https://www.selfcareschool.co.uk/p/emotionaltoolkit

The discomfort of other people’s opinions - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 30 - Show Notes:

In this episode, we are looking at the juicy topic of seeking external validation and the discomfort that comes with existing with other humans and their different opinions.

Key Takeaways:

• Seeking external validation is a common practice, so you probably don't need to keep giving yourself a hard time about it.
• Why it's important more reliable to find validation internally
• Life gets a lot more relaxed when we are open to the discomfort of having different opinions about us.
• Allowing ourselves to feel this discomfort can free up energy and time to focus on things we like
• It's a wild possibility, but maybe it's okay if not everyone likes us.
• Maybe, just maybe, not scrapping with people and their different opinions helps create a world where more people feel welcome

Blog on the Podcast: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/the-discomfort-of-other-people-s-opinions

How inspirational memes can actually be useful - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 29 - Show Notes:

This week we are looking at:

Key Takeaways:

• Inspirational quotes and affirmations can feel disconnected from our reality and may not bring about immediate change.
• The emotional connection to these quotes is crucial in finding their value.
• Identifying the desired emotions behind the quotes helps us shape our own thoughts and beliefs.
• Incremental changes and alignment with personal values can lead to a happier life.
• 
  

Segment 1: The Limitations of Inspirational Quotes

• The common experience of encountering inspirational quotes and affirmations that seem beneficial but feel distant from our own reality.
• The lack of belief and emotional connection to these quotes hinders their effectiveness in improving our lives.
• The challenges of embracing lofty ideals when facing practical concerns and responsibilities.
• 
  

Segment 2: Extracting Value from Inspirational Quotes

• An approach to finding meaning in inspirational quotes by identifying the underlying emotions they aim to evoke.
• Identifying how those emotions could benefit our lives and what thoughts or beliefs can bring them closer to experiencing those emotions.
• How shifting thoughts and focusing on specific actions can cultivate desired emotions such as calm, mindfulness, and peace.
• 
  

Segment 3: Incremental Changes and Personal Alignment

• The importance of making slight incremental changes rather than attempting drastic transformations.
• Using inspirational quotes as starting points can help identify emotions, values, and thought patterns.
• By aligning with personal values and thoughtfully shaping their own narratives, we can live a more authentic and fulfilling life right where we are.

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-inspirational-memes-can-actually-be-useful

Manipulating people for love - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 28 - Show Notes

This week we are looking at:

• Manipulative behaviours in relationships we don't realise... anyone?
• Manipulating others is not conducive to a sense of self-worth.
• Guess what does not depend on our actions or the opinions of others? Our worth
• How practicing self-kindness and respect is essential for creating a kinder, more respectful world. Which is probably what we woulc all do with a bit more of.

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/manipulating-people-for-love

The Those People are Like That Drama - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 27 - Show Notes:

This week we are looking at:

• How our brains are wired for judgment
• The illusion of knowing what others are thinking, (nice try, but probably not that useful)
• The need for control, anyone?
• How you're probably rubbish at guessing others' thoughts
• Why you might want to reclaiming time and energy
• 
  

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/the-those-people-are-like-that-drama

Why Affirmations Did Not Work for You - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 26 - Show Notes:

This week we are looking at:

• How the popular notion of self-love as portrayed on social media might not be as useful as they think or as useless as you think.
• The Problem with Superficial Self-Love: how to watch out for  unrealistic expectations and lack of practical guidance 
• The Importance of Incremental Steps: How taking small, neutral steps towards a more positive self-image instead of trying to make a huge leap from negative self-talk to self-love.
• Humor as a Tool: Why bringing lightness to the process of self-improvement and avoid turning it into just another chore on a to-do list is probably going to make it more enjoyable
• Conclusion: Finding a self-love approach that works for each individual and not to believe everything you read (or listen to).

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/why-affirmations-did-not-work-for-you

When Everyone Else Is Wrong - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 25 - Show notes

This week we are looking at:

• People often talk about politics in a good / bad binary.
• This kind of thinking can be harmful to guess who...? Yep.
• How black-and-white thinking probably is not that useful for you
• How focussing on your own story means you can create thigns you do want. rather than what you don't
• Wild as it may seem, there is probably nuance in situations

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/when-everyone-else-is-wrong

We do not need another quick fix cure - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 24 - Show Notes

This week we are looking at:

• How instagram probably is not going to solve your emotional and mental health issues,
• Why we seek quick fixes because we believe that once the problem is solved, life will be stress-free
• How we miss out on most of our emotions
• How you don't get to dodge the difficult ones.
• How we can make big emotions less overwhelming

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/we-don-t-need-another-quick-fix-cure

Whose Story Am I In? - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 23 - Show Notes

This week we are looking at:

• The concept of radical responsibility as a way to get unstuck and move forward towards personal or professional goals.
• The  dangers of outsourcing emotions to other people 
• Why waiting for other people to change is one of the most boring choices you could make
• Why Blaming others can be pretty disempowering and probably not very successful
• Finding new ways to take radical responsibility.

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/whose-story-am-i-in

You Take the Same Brain With You- Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 23

In this episode, I will be talking about:

• The general assumption is that boundaries mean someone else has done something we don't like.
• Changing your circumstances doesn't change how you feel about things.
• Redefining our understanding of what boundaries are allows us freedom.
• We need to identify our thoughts about boundaries if we are going to try and work out if they are useful or not.
• You get to set the standards for what is and isn't acceptable in your life.  Wild as it may seem, but you get to define your own rules.

Better Boundaries - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 21

This week we are looking at:

• How boundaries are rarely defined.
• Debunking common misconceptions
• How to view boundaries as neutral
• How it is pretty unlikely you are going to change other people's behaviour
• Finding the rule book for the life you want to live.

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/better-boundaries

Spam FIlter for Your Brain Podcast Episode 20: "But I don't have time" show notes:

This week we are looking at:

• One of the most common objections people have when it comes to taking on new things is "I don't have time."
• Managing your mindset and taking care of your emotional health can actually give you more time, as feeling overwhelmed and close to burnout can exhaust you and make everything take more effort.
• By giving yourself tools to filter your thoughts and emotions and ask yourself if they are serving you, aligning with your values, and getting you closer to where you want to be, you can start to make more strategic decisions ahead of time.
• Prioritising your emotional well-being can seem counterintuitive, but it can help you make more effective use of your time.
• By having a toolkit to lean on in times of stress, you can step back and take on more of an observer's viewpoint, which can help you make decisions that align with your values and goals.

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/spamfilterforyourbrainepisode12

For the needy people - Spam Filter for Your Brain Podcast - Episode 19 show notes:

This week we are looking at:

• Why being called "needy" feels like the worst thing in the world
• How we shy away from getting our needs met
• The ways we try to diminish ourselves 
• The fear of rejection.
• And I set you some homework

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/for-the-needy-people

Performance anxiety - Spam Filter for Your Brain Podcast - Episode 18 show notes:

This week we are looking at:

• The importance of not outsourcing emotional well-being to others
• Identifying the emotion you are seeking 
• And how to give them to yourself (this is always the key)
• Why external validation is probably not the flex your brain tells you it is
• Finding incremental steps to more kindness and authenticity

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/performance-anxiety

How to Create Confidence - Spam Filter for Your Brain - Episode 17 show notes

In this episode, I will be talking about:

• Inherent confidence is a myth
• Where do you externalise confidence
• Confidence is an emotion that comes from our thoughts.
• We have the power to change our thoughts and, in turn, our emotions and confidence levels.
• Practicing new thoughts is a practice and is does not have to be a boring one

Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 16 - What does confidence feel like?  What does confidence taste like? show notes

In this episode, I will be talking about:

• How confidence can mean different things to different people.
• How to build confidence
• Why it is important to define what it means to you personally.
• Identify tasks you boss it at 
• Work out which thoughts work for you (yeah, we are back to mindset)
• Work out how making a cup of tea is linked to your greatest goals.

Podcast Episode 15: "A line in the sand" show notes

Podcast Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 14: "Why insults hang around longer than compliments" show notes

How to be an ally to your body - Spam Filter for Your Brain -  Episode 13 - Show Notes

This week we are looking at:

• What do your body politics say about you?
• The disconnect between our political beliefs and the way we treat ourselves
• The negative impact of societal expectations
• The importance of being a good friend to yourself
• Acknowledging that our bodies are always trying to protect and support us

Full Transcript: https://www.heardinlondon.com/post/how-to-be-a-body-ally

Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 12 - "Who is Profiting from me feeling like this?" show notes

In this episode, I will be talking about:

• How comparing yourself to others is hardwired in our brains and that does not mean it is any good for us
• How reducing the need to compare oneself to others is a skill we can practise
• Questioning profiteering from your insecurities
• Recognising and messing with societal beauty standards and pressures is the key to our liberation
• How treating your body with kindness and compassion is probably always the answer. 
• How noticing all your body does for you is a good way of noticing how useful your knees are.

Podcast Episode 11: "How to Heal A Broken Heart" show notes

Podcast Episode 10: "Stop thinking of exercise as a weight loss tool" show notes

Podcast Episode 9: "What are you making that mean?" show notes

This is where it all begins, and how we can respond when we get something wrong.

The most important question you can ask yourself - Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 3 show notes

In this episode, I discuss:

• A powerful question which can change your life 
• Why it is probably best to assume that most of the time, we're trying our best
• Why it is probably best to assume that most of the time, others are also trying their best
• Wh ywe are a whole load of exquisite mess 
• Why being willing to change and grow is one of the most important characteristics for personal growth and self-acceptance.

Podcast Spam Filter for Your Brain - Episode 2: "Showing Up" show notes

In this episode I will talk about:

• Why showing up for yourself is important in developing a positive self-image.
• The importance of photography with respect and compassion.
• How to see different facets of yourself.
• What can help you make more confident life choices.
• How showing up for yourself empowers others

Podcast Episode 1: "How to admit when you get things wrong" show notes

This is where it all begins, and how we can respond when we get something wrong.