Another World is Probable

I have some notes for the cosmic powers that be. Is there a way to lodge complaints? A manager I can speak to? No? Who designed this system?!? At times like these, I understand why people question the existence of God/Higher Power/Source, etc. because if there is a God, why would It allow all these awful things to happen? I have some thoughts.

I didn’t know this was a saying splashed over Pinterest and Etsy until recently: “Everybody wants to change the world but no one wants to change the toilet paper roll.” Personally, I don’t mind changing the toilet paper roll but I understand the underlying message. When people talk about changing the world, they often think of something big and grand. They fail to realize the little things they do also change the world. More in this week's post.

Right now I’m migrating old pictures from my phone to my computer. In part, it’s to create more space but it’s also because I’m in the mood to clean and clear. What’s interesting is that instead of looking at the photos with wistfulness and nostalgia like I usually do, I’m struck with the parallels between then and now. More in this week's post.

After a long day of staring at my computer screen, I walked outside to my apartment complex’s terrace where something caught my eye. Leaning against the far wall beneath an overhang is a bag of detritus. It’s filled with dirt and pine needles and everything workmen scooped out of our gutters from at least eight months ago, if not longer. Do you know what was spilling out of that bag? More in this week's post. And yes, the picture of this episode is what spilled out.

I’m really good at being stuck. I repeat patterns over and over again. I find myself in places where I can’t seem to escape from. Taking my power back? Not an easy thing for me. I’d much rather give my power away to someone else. More in this week's post.

I heard a line from Leonard Cohen’s poem Good Advice for Someone Like Me the other day: “If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.” Wow. I’m pretty sure I can end this post right there and let you meditate on his idea. (But I won't.)

I’ve loosely been following the Writers Guild of America strike, which has now been joined by the Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. I feel like I’m watching a dystopian movie but here’s the kicker, it’s all really happening. The CEO of Disney, Bob Iger, said during an interview at the Sun Valley annual conference, which has been touted as a “summer camp for billionaires,” that he thinks those on strike are “unrealistic.” More in this week's post.

Summer is a season that elicits nostalgia like none other for me. I long to recapture the lazy, sun-soaked days of my childhood when time stretched like Silly Putty. I want the carefree aesthetic portrayed in media – beach days, fireflies, and ice cream. In my mind, everything was great way back when. Except…it wasn’t. More in this week's post.

I, like many, have a lot of feelings about the smattering of recent U.S. Supreme Court decisions. And then there are the bills targeting the LGBTQIA+ community. The trend I’m noticing is more divisiveness, more separation, and more hate, frankly. Is this what human beings are destined for? Are we doomed to splinter off into smaller and smaller groups and engage in constant “us versus them” culture wars? More in this week's post.

The mind is a powerful thing. I’m pretty sure every spiritual tradition touches on this using different phrases such as, “magnifying mind,” “as you think, so you become,” “what you focus on grows,” etc. The question for me then is what am I focused on? Am I keeping my mind trained on greed, envy, cruelty, anxiety, fear, or selfishness? Or am I turning toward higher ideals such as love, generosity, and communion? More in this week's post.

We humans like simplicity. We want an easy-to-tell story and we want it to be logical. But the thing is, real life is rarely like that. Real life is complicated and hard to turn into a soundbite, no matter how much we try. For instance, the common explanation for Juneteenth is it’s a day to celebrate when slaves learned they were free. However, that’s whitewashing the truth. More in this week's post.

With flowers bursting into bloom seemingly overnight, it seemed fitting to recycle this post from June 2018. Enjoy. If you read my blog regularly, you know that patience is not my strong suit. I want things to happen quickly like a thunderstorm – swift and noticeable. Instead, things happen like a seed planted in soil – slow and subtle. Here’s a true story: In January, I planted California poppy seeds. In March, everyone else’s poppies started to bloom. Mine did not. More in this week's post.

I’ve lived in my apartment for eight years so I’m familiar with what’s usual and unusual. On Saturday, something strange happened. I walked into my bedroom and a giant beetle crawled on the outside of my window. I’m on the second floor, not next to trees, kudzu, or anything nature-y that would warrant a giant beetle crawling on my window but crawling it did. As I watched this beetle, it occurred to me this creature was likely completely unaware of my presence because the windows are slightly tinted. Yet, inches away I stood, observing. This beetle reminded me that the way I watched it is the way my loving higher power always watches me and guides me, according to my spiritual tradition. More in this week's post. And in case you are wondering, the picture in this podcast is indeed of the beetle.

An annual sow thistle “volunteered” to grow in one of my pots and I let it. I nurtured the pseudo-dandelion and it was thriving for a while. The bright yellow flowers blossomed in abundance. Green leaves unfurled and stretched toward the sun. And then the plant started to die, for whatever reason. I’ve deadheaded the blossoms, removed the brown leaves, and continued to water it according to the guidance of my plant app. But the plant is still dying. Some people would say, “It’s a weed. Why even bother? Just let it die,” but I have trouble with that. More in this week's post.

I’m currently in Washington, D.C. visiting friends and it feels surreal. I went to university here and am visiting my old stomping grounds. I half expect to run into my younger self on the street because the memories are so visceral. The ghost of young me is present in a way she hasn’t been on previous trips. Maybe it’s because my college friends and I are approaching 20 years of friendship, or because they all have kids of their own and I’m recognizing how much things have changed. Whatever it is, I’m acutely aware of something my spiritual teacher says. More in this week's post.

I learned or relearned something recently about mothers and grandmothers. All the eggs a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries when she’s a four-month-old fetus, which means we spend approximately five months in our grandmother’s womb. It also means our grandmother was formed in the womb of her grandmother. More in this week's post.

I keep thinking about all the circumstances and events that led to me being here, right now. How my ancestors had to have XYZ happen to them. How my parents had to meet. All of that and many more things. It’s a wonder. So often I feel blasé about being alive because when there are nearly 8 billion people in the world, is it really such a miracle to be in human form? Is it really so precious? According to many spiritual teachers, including mine, yes. More in this week's post.

Even though Passover is long over, I keep thinking about a story I heard. There’s a perception that during the exodus when God parted the Red Sea the Jews walked up to the water and tada! The water parted. However, Jewish teachings state that’s not what happened. The Jews waded into the water up to their knees and nothing. They kept going up to their waists and still nothing. Their chests, no change. The water came all the way up to their noses, meaning they could no longer breathe, and then the water parted. More in this week's post.

I’ve told this story to a few people this week so perhaps it’s also worth sharing here. It's about luck and fate and guidance and. . .

If you’re a business owner, you know there can be a real ebb and flow to income. Some months money is rushing in and you can’t believe your good fortune. And then other months you’re barely covering all your expenses and cursing your fate. I can’t speak for everyone but when I’m in an ebb time, it’s difficult to believe my circumstances will change. Even though I’ve seen it happen over and over again, I still think this time will be different. I fall into a quagmire and count every penny, worrying I won’t be able to pay for things I need. Keep in mind I have plenty of evidence to suggest all my needs are always met, sometimes in amazing ways. Yet, despite the history, a part of me perpetually thinks this time is the exception. More in this week's post.

I’m recycling this post from February 2019. The message about not needing to know everything all the time is still a valid one. Enjoy.

My therapist said something to me this week that I’d heard before but this time I really heard. He told me, “There are some things you don’t need to know.” I’m a curious person and want to know everything! Curiosity is a key component of being a journalist; it’s my job to find out as much as possible about a story. However, truly, there are some things I don’t need to know.

I keep thinking about the swiftness with which Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) collapsed. In the span of 48 hours, it went bust because as interest rates rose, VC capital to SVB’s portfolio companies decreased. That required the companies to start withdrawing deposits from SVB to fund day-to-day business operations but those deposits sat in bonds that were losing value by the day. The need for cash forced the bank to sell their illiquid bonds at a loss, and boom, financial panic.

Whenever I hear stories like these, I strangely have a surge of hope that it portends the fall of capitalism. More in this week's post.

Members of my community are at the age where they’re starting to die. It seems like every three months or so someone passes away. Some people I’m closer to than others, but regardless, each death leaves an impact.

Have you ever played that game where you stand in a circle and hold a piece of yarn while also throwing it to someone else in the circle? In the end, you wind up with a giant web that connects every person to everyone else. That’s what I think life is like. More in this week's post.

This is a repost from October 2014 when I was living in Missouri.

My recovery mentor often says to me, “God is slow but always on time. When it’s time, he moves fast so be ready.” Today I’m marveling at how true that is, particularly because I’m in a place that has seasons. In the Bay Area, there are two seasons: the dry season and the rainy season. Missouri has a proper spring, summer, fall, and winter. More in this week's post.

Two sports stories from around 20 years ago are on my mind because my friend showed me the videos of them: that of speed skater Steven Bradbury and swimmer Eric Moussambani. Their stories are amazing if you’re unfamiliar with them. More in this week's post. 

This repost is from almost exactly six years ago but is still relevant today. Enjoy.

I had a dream the other night my sister, Rosie, and I slept in the same bed. She started hogging all the covers and I yanked them back from her and said, “No. You can’t take all the covers.” It’s not a dream based on reality but nonetheless, it got me thinking about greed, especially as it relates to the world’s resources. A group of people is hogging almost all the resources leaving the rest of us shivering in the cold. More in this week's post.

One of the most striking things for me about being in Australia is not the accent or driving on the left side of the road, it’s their take on security. More in this week's post.

Whenever I share about my upcoming Australia trip, people are genuinely happy for me. I’m taken aback because sharing good news, especially over social media, seems perilous these days. A year or so ago, Glennon Doyle shared a video of her singing on a boat with her friends and family. The next day, she had the single-largest drop in followers her entire time on Instagram. She posited it’s because there’s something triggering about seeing women, especially, happy. That perhaps we’re more comfortable with their pain and suffering. More in this week's post. 

Lately, I’m noticing how much I catastrophize. Catastrophizing is assuming that the worst will happen. It can also be believing you’re in a worse situation than you really are or exaggerating the difficulties you face. What to do about it? More in this week's post. 

I feel contracted about money right now because the situation with one of my highest-paying clients is in flux. Not only that, I’m spending a lot of money all at once for this upcoming Australia trip. I didn’t know what I was signing myself up for, honestly, because I booked the ticket semi-impulsively. My response is wanting to hoard money like a dragon sitting on her riches. “Amass all the wealth! Spend none of it!” In other words, it’s a good time to remind myself of a concept I learned almost exactly three years ago: “It’s not your money.” More in this week's post.

The new year is typically when many people start to set resolutions of how they want this year to be. They want to change an aspect of their life or behavior. Resolutions abound such as: “I want to lose weight,” or “I want to make more money.” But how do those things actually happen? How can we make a change stick? After all, most people abandon their resolutions by February, and sometimes even earlier, so it’s clear that merely setting the intention isn’t enough. Read more. 

As we enter this new year, I keep thinking about envy. Not the way I normally do in that my chest burns with the emotion, aching to have what someone else does. Instead, I’m thinking about something my former therapist told me, “Someone out there envies you.” More in this week's post.

My dad told me about a TV show where people try to be the last person to survive in the woods on their own for a chance at winning $500,000. The premise is interesting because it touches on the themes of competition, human versus nature, and also resourcefulness. I get the appeal. But what I don’t get is the lengths people will go to in order to win. More in this week's post.

I’m working on a novel about a 32-year-old woman who is deeply insecure but tries to mask it with false bravado. When I show small snippets of the novel to a writing group consisting primarily of women around my age, the feedback is positive. However, when I show small snippets of the novel to a writing group consisting primarily of women around 30 years older than me, the feedback is negative. Regardless of the changes I make, the experience reminds me you can’t please everyone all the time and it’s not worth it to try. More in this week's post.