Time Ram

For our 60th anniversary special, we take the classic episode 'The Five Doctors' and Time Ram it into the 'Day of the Doctor' slot, as broadcast on 23 November 2013! Despite some of us being trapped in a time eddy, we explain numbers, the Cyberman decline and the economic role of Terrys chocolate oranges... helped by our special guest, Gareth Preston! No cabbages were harmed in the making of this podcast.

Tune in (so to speak) and listen to Time Ram attempting the impossible: taking Steven Moffatt's finely tuned episode "Let's Kill Hitler" and attempting to cram it into the Jon Pertwee era! I mean, what are we like? It might help that we've already done "A Good Man Goes to War" (Time Ram 005) and come up with a possible River Song parentage in "The Return of Dr Mysterio" (Time Ram 031). Or it might not. It's the episode otherwise known as "A National Socialist Dictator F***'s Us Up!"

It seems that in the Time Ram Universe (TRU?) Paul McGann's Doctor Who was introduced to the Americans in 1996 with... 'Castrovalva'. In other words, the Master, complex continuity and endless TARDIS scenes. A sure fire hit! In this podcast (guest-starring Melanie Clark), we explore that possibility, but with added card counting, math vs maths and civilisations wiped out by swimming pool Stonehenges. Roundels forever!

It's time for Benton's awfully big adventure in 'The Sensorites', previously starring William Hartnell, but now upgraded for Jon Pertwee! So that'll be 'The Thenthoriteth', then. In the process, we get all grown up and find out about sunk cost fallacies, the value of pointed sticks and what's so great about molybdenum. Although we also do an acapella season 8 soundtrack. Only on Time Ram!

We get taken back to the 1960s, with William Hartnell starring in 'Carnival of Monsters' (because this is Time Ram, and whatever Doctor you're thinking of, Jon Pertwee isn't it). Our dander's up as we define fan wank, enrage the Doctor and discuss the origin of the Macra. Now, is that a friendly Drashig or a man in a sack with prongs on?

Finally, Time Ram extracts 'The Creature from the Pit' from the Tom Baker era, and puts it where it always belonged - the Peter Davison era! Written by the under-rated David Fisher, this serial presents us with a fascinating matriarchal society containing plenty of nuance and meaning. And then we add some knob gags. In the process, we ponder the eternal questions: what happens when Nyssa's batteries run down? How does Peter Davison communicate? How many famous people have we stood next to in urinals? It's time to use maths in our continuing efforts to get Helen Mirren to appear in this podcast!

This Time Ram, we collide fourth Doctor Tom Baker with Patrick Troughton's 'The Moonbase' and wait to see which Doc comes out on top! We also consider these vital questions: Moonbase Alpha or Moonbase 3? How do you wear a scarf in a spacesuit? What do Cybermen have against aerials? Where have all these crabs come from? We also get to consider Harry the gooseberry, Helene Merrien and the Green Cross Code Man. And is that Sam Becket? Hoo boy.

Finally, Time Ram kicks off its own Paul McGann era, beginning with 'A Town Called Mercy', previously imagined for TV's Matt Smith. In the process, we have our first Time Ram three-way, ask an important question about Borusa, and find out what Hanson money buys. We also tackle those cybernetic pirates, the Cybs, and impersonate The Two Ronnies. Also: how much does Helen Mirren need the work? Featuring our special guest star, Black Archive writer Jon Arnold!

D'NER D'NER D'NER D'NER BATMAN!! In this episode, the first Doctor, William Hartnell, stars in the Peter Capaldi episode 'The Return of Doctor Mysterio' in proper sixties fashion! Although he probably doesn't meet Adam West. Or maybe he does? For this is Time Ram, and anything is possible. Literally anything. Hence we learn about the Doctor's special ring, join the campaign for Justice for Dodo and witness some brain-on-brain action. And also... is that a 10-foot tall Donald Pleasence?

In this episode, Time Ram takes Jodie Whittaker's 'Fugitive of the Judoon' and rams it into the Christopher Eccleston era... because we can, that's why! In the process, we investigate who is the most alien Doctor, which showrunner is pro-old ladies and what Bradley Walsh does in his spare time with Aridians. We also take some passive aggressive cakes and stick them down the Falcon Hole with Han Solo... because we can, that's why! We finish by avoiding oncoming narrative to do the watusi. Because... you get the idea. I know, I know, it's really serious.

Join us for an exciting journey with the 13th Doctor, "nicest person on the planet" Jodie Whittaker as she takes on a naughty cactus in 'Meglos'! Whether you're a Deon, a Savant or simply Meglostic, you can still enjoy Miriam Margolyes, Jimmy Nail, jungle hierarchies, learning to unfold the Unfolding Text, and establishing whether time loops are chronic or not! Has Chris listened to the voices this time? Who really hates vegetables? And how do you perform basic maintenance on a dodecahedron? The clues are all there, as we feature Helen Mirren's best guest role so far!

Welcome to 1967, in which the second Doctor Who - Patrick Troughton - takes his companions to the moon for the first true Base-Under-Siege story: 'Sleep No More'. Time Ram wields a very sharp scalpel to uncover Ben's chain of sacrifice, James Bolam in an accent-off and the ever mysterious Heron Carvic. What is it like to be fingered by a Sandman? Can we invent a Ralph? And is that Schnorbitz hiding in the shadows? With at least 50% of this story missing, maybe we will never know... Also, Peter Capaldi gets a mention.

Join us as we examine 'The Invasion of Time', starring Peter Davison! In the process, we learn what happens when you get massive eggs, the fifth Doctor being menacing and Derek Deadman trying to be taken seriously. What does Mrs Borusa call him at night? Who is Gallifrey's interior designer? How difficult were Turlough's teenage years? And why is William Hartnell hitting that Samurai with his stick? Let's all do the Shoboggie-woggie and find out. Time Ram: now a proud member of the Direction Point network.

This time, we examine the Peter Davison classic from 1984: 'The Sea Devils'. You remember it: the one where all those extras playing Sea Devils in heavy leather Samurai costumes drowned in the sea. The story in which the Doctor visits the Master in prison and finds him affable and friendly... No wait, this is the Ainley Master, isn't it? The story in which the Doctor visits the Master in prison and finds him as mad as a box of frogs. The one in which Tegan is a good and capable helpmeet. The one in which Turlough... what does Turlough do? What does Turlough ever do? Tune in and find out! Or not. That's equally likely, frankly.

Join us as we discuss Sylvester McCoy's 'The Green Death', featuring Nick Berry, Alun Armstrong, John Woodvine and... Ken Dodd? Really? Are we going there? Apparently, we are. Also: Helen Mirren. In the process, we investigate giant maggots, Margaret Thatcher, brass rubbing, Fell's fall and dozens of single and double entendres. Ooh err missus! And yet... still we somehow fail to answer the most critical question of all: what happened to all those other creatures on Metebelis 3? Did the spiders just web 'em up and eat them?

This is Time Ram, the podcast that randomly mashes up different eras of Doctor Who, and welcome to our latest episode: Paradise Towers as you've never imagined it! Transposed to the 1970s and the Tom Baker era, this is Paradise Towers with grimy locations, paddling pools, sanitised BBC future punks and Suzie Quattro. What would the rezzies be like in the Golden Age of Old Ladies? Would the BBC really be able to secure the services of Carrie Fisher? How old is that Kang at the back?  All this, and the fearsome Pex Brothers - coming soon, to a cineplex near you!

This time, Time Ram discusses the Jon Pertwee story 'Mission to the Unknown' - a famously colourful story, celebrating the glam and huge 'taches of mid-seventies Britain. It's the era of Jason King, open shirts, big medallions and endless smoking. Thrill to Alpha Centauri and the Giant Clams! Gasp at the thought that Terry Nation is still, somehow, trying to get his Dalek series off the ground! But will Mark Seven be involved? Probably not. Meanwhile, Doctor Who is producing its most star-studded episode ever...

Welcome to Time Giraffe! This time, we make sounds on the internet about the Matt Smith story 'Nightmare of Eden'. In the process, we learn that there is more to it than Z-grade monsters encountering a party of Gearon's pac-a-mac fans. No, this is an Empress and Hecate s***fest, featuring the return of Steven Berkoff and Time Ram favourite, Helen Mirren. There's Della doing stuff, Tryst's terrible accent and a deep message about the internet! Wipe your history, folks. 

This time, it's that legendary Matt Smith episode, The Curse of Peladon. "Curse" being the operative word, as we delve into Grun's limited vocabulary.  Yes, it's our 15-certificate episode, so be warned! For those who dare to proceed further, there's also Star Trek, Ed Sheeran, Crumhorns, medieval fire safety standards, Nigel Farage and a CG claw giving it some. Learn how Jo's IQ varies with skirt length and why King Peladon has no game. Join us as we confront the hermaphrodite hexapod in the room!

Our first regeneration story! In this episode, we discuss the classic final episode of the Peter Capaldi era from 25 December 2017: 'The Caves of Androzani'. Which just leaves us one dilemma - which companion is in this anyway? All we can agree on is Don't Kill Bill. After that, it's the Cheeky Girls, evil Christmas trees and gags about blowholes all the way. Well that's Time Ram for you, innit. Also starring: Derek Jacobi, Chris Addison and Helen Mirren. Always Helen Mirren.

Welcome to the vision that is William Hartnell in 'Attack of the Cybermen'. It's the "brand new" podcast episode that "may" or "may not" use "quotation fingers"! The podcast where we learn about that high level laziness that requires you to actually put a lot of effort in. In the meantime, we establish a new rule, Rupert writes some notes and we fantasize about becoming a hardened walnut. It's the space year 1985, and Ian and Barbara are finally about to get home - or are they? Could the Doctor really steer the TARDIS all along? And is it possible for our version of this story to be even more violent than the original?

Time Ram unleashes the cloister bell as we face our impossible mission: turning A Good Man Goes to War into a Patrick Troughton story! Find out what happens when a format we haven't given enough thought to turns around and bites us on the a***! Suddenly we find ourselves in a world of pervert scientists and hyper-babies, a cheap 2001 and craving the claw! A world of Monoids, Menoptra, Sensorites and Visians, where only the Meddling Monk can save us! As we move from Easy Yellow to Moderate Red Alert, open heart surgery begins to look simple. This can't be Time Ram... This must be Time Disease.

Introducing the concept... maybe

Welcome to Time Ram, the new podcast that mashes together different eras of Doctor Who. In this first episode, we reimagine Peter Capaldi's 'Mummy on the Orient Express' as if it was made in the Colin Baker era. Does it work? Is it better? Can we get Colin to take off that terrible jacket? What were Jasper Carrott and Tomek Bork up to in 1986? And what happens to Peri if she loses her spleen?