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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

By Xandy and Christine Schiefer

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
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107: Reviews of Driving Schools

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too WetDec 16, 2020

00:00
45:33
107: Reviews of Driving Schools

107: Reviews of Driving Schools

We're just two podcasters trying to make an honest living. So what if we like looking at hotties with honkers?

Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Dec 16, 202045:33
106: MLMs in Utah

106: MLMs in Utah

Dec 09, 202055:18
Between You And Us: Episode 19

Between You And Us: Episode 19

Dec 07, 202040:26
105: Reviews of Target

105: Reviews of Target

This episode is brought to you by refrigeration and Gucci. Learn more at this year's Downton Abbey expo in Minot, ND.

Follow Alex's Twitch stream to make his hair purple: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Dec 02, 202059:24
104: Black Friday Reviews

104: Black Friday Reviews

Nov 25, 202051:11
103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota

103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota

Nov 18, 202052:40
102: Reviews of Private Investigators

102: Reviews of Private Investigators

Nov 11, 202001:00:13
101: Autumnal Reviews

101: Autumnal Reviews

Nov 04, 202001:07:33
100: THE WORST OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

100: THE WORST OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

Oct 28, 202002:26:20
99: Halloween Reviews

99: Halloween Reviews

Oct 21, 202059:23
98: Cemeteries in Louisiana

98: Cemeteries in Louisiana

Hey ghostie, bring that thicc smoky body this way ;)

Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Oct 14, 202047:09
97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire

97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire

Oct 07, 202047:32
96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

Sep 30, 202057:07
95: Daycares in Indiana

95: Daycares in Indiana

Sep 23, 202049:00
94: Airports in North Carolina

94: Airports in North Carolina

Sep 16, 202048:24
93: Malls in New Jersey

93: Malls in New Jersey

Sep 09, 202056:46
92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

Sep 02, 202049:45
91: Beaches in Rhode Island

91: Beaches in Rhode Island

Aug 26, 202057:14
90: Small Towns in Ohio

90: Small Towns in Ohio

Aug 19, 202056:57
Between You And Us: Episode 18

Between You And Us: Episode 18

Aug 17, 202022:22
89: Lighthouses in Maine

89: Lighthouses in Maine

Aug 12, 202054:04
88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

Aug 05, 202049:48
87: Cowboy Boots in Texas

87: Cowboy Boots in Texas

If you're wondering what Jimmy Fingers is up to, he's using those fingers of his to go to https://www.raicestexas.org/ways-to-give/bond-fund/ to donate to the RAICES Texas Bond Fund! They are a nonprofit agency that promotes justice by providing free and low-cost legal services to underserved immigrant children, families, and refugees. 


Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Jul 29, 202054:56
86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity and help Alexander reach his goal of man spreading all over the internet. We promise the experience will be anything but lugubrious! Ok, no, that definitely can't be right. Where's my thesaurus...


Subscribe to Alex's YouTube channel to watch his Joe Exotic transformation! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyamOY_uT2j3KM_wDCOSLNQ


Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet 

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.


Jul 22, 202046:21
Between You And Us: Episode 17

Between You And Us: Episode 17

Jul 20, 202032:30
85: Garbage Plates in Rochester, NY

85: Garbage Plates in Rochester, NY

Jul 15, 202047:28
84: Historical Sites in Italy

84: Historical Sites in Italy

After the success of our Disney Parks episode, we decided to do another one! Oh wait, never mind, these reviews are of Pompeii. But apparently some people can't tell the difference. In an attempt to redeem the craziness, we read our oldest reviews yet! And if that doesn't float your gondola, we talk a lot about sewage.

If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Jul 08, 202055:04
83: Zoos in Norway

83: Zoos in Norway

Don't be too surprised if we rename our podcast to The Shanti Chronicles, because Alex loves his new adopted Gibbon daughter. The news about her might be the most important part of our episode, but it doesn't take away from the craziness that are these reviews. So be sure to listen to this episode, because it has elks, ducks... everything!

If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

To see a picture of Shanti, go here: https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Jul 01, 202001:01:03
82: Scuba Diving in Guam

82: Scuba Diving in Guam

Disclaimer: These Podcast Hosts Be Wildin'. Wait, what does that even mean? Anyway, we're reviews of scuba diving in Guam, then Alex reads reviews where the reviewer vows never to return to a state/country. It's just as fun as it sounds! So don't *fundamentally* stop listening to our show and listen to episode 82 now!

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Follow Alex on Twitch to see the upcoming haircut disaster! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Jun 24, 202001:01:22
81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

Jun 17, 202059:46
80: KFC in Japan

80: KFC in Japan

Welcome to the Church of Yelp, where we teach you everything it takes to get yourself into hell. We're reading reviews of the "benign personality cult" also known as KFC in Japan. Then, Alex sings a warbling tune of reviews where the reviewer mentions a dream they had. All in all, it's a pretty fun episode to listen to as long as you're not Australian. Fair warning.

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Follow Alex on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Jun 10, 202044:47
Podcast Blackout

Podcast Blackout

Jun 03, 202001:53
79: Reviews of Water Parks

79: Reviews of Water Parks

Between the indiscriminate pooping, tea bags, and bodily excreted waste... this might be our grossest episode yet. But if you can make it through, you can hear our mother's favorite joke. Well, maybe that's the worst part of the episode. We'll let you be the judge. See you in our next show, "Yelper Nightmares!"

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA

Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

May 27, 202052:31
Schiefer Madness: Few Things Considered

Schiefer Madness: Few Things Considered

Welcome to our first weekly Winnie-sode! We discuss jellybean storage, dried up condoms, and we touch on what it's like to be an oxygen-dependent woman of a certain age. That's our story, morning glory!

Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.

May 22, 202029:57
78: Craft Stores in Raleigh, NC

78: Craft Stores in Raleigh, NC

The Schiefer Siblings are coming out to play! And they're on a mission... to normalize... constipation? God this episode is messy. If you want, you're welcome to dive headfirst into this mess of crazy craft store reviews and reviews of cat cafes from people allergic to cats. This episode is not sponsored by Eagle-Eye Cherry, but we wish it was as he's pretty much the coolest. 

Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!

Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

May 20, 202042:32
Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can you, but we'd encourage you to donate to the One Fair Wage Emergency Fund by going to OFWEmergencyFund.org. With your leftover money, feel free to buy yourself a plague doctor mask.


Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!

Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

May 15, 202032:02
77: Lakes in Minnesota

77: Lakes in Minnesota

May 13, 202055:55
Between You And Us: Episode 16

Between You And Us: Episode 16

May 11, 202039:31
76: Bowling Alleys in Philadelphia, PA

76: Bowling Alleys in Philadelphia, PA

We've got new merch!! Head over to bit.ly/beachtoosandymerch for a "Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Loser" pin, a "Baron of Cream" shirt or a Beach Too Sandy decal! 

If you've ever eaten calamari at a bowling alley, this episode isn't for you. Because the lit fairy godmothers Malex and Mristine are judging you. But don't worry, Malex gets what's coming to him when he embarrasses himself by being unable to say "early bird menu" properly. So at least listen to that struggle.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!
Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

May 06, 202058:22
Between You And Us: Episode 15

Between You And Us: Episode 15

May 01, 202048:11
75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

Apr 29, 202001:02:18
Schiefer Madness: Animal Crossing

Schiefer Madness: Animal Crossing

Apr 25, 202034:10
74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

Apr 22, 202050:18
Schiefer Madness: it's about GI troubles that we all have

Schiefer Madness: it's about GI troubles that we all have

Apr 18, 202037:37
73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

Apr 15, 202053:05
Schiefer Madness: Erotic Hand Sanitizer

Schiefer Madness: Erotic Hand Sanitizer

Is that title really not enough for you?

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!
Go subscribe to our YouTube channel to see our beautiful faces! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, robinhood76, and tyops.

Apr 10, 202027:16
72: Resorts in Mexico

72: Resorts in Mexico

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill emoji* *wrench emoji* KARMA BACK AT YOU!

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!
Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Apr 08, 202001:01:08
Schiefer Madness: Tiger King

Schiefer Madness: Tiger King

Apr 03, 202049:09
71: Universities in England

71: Universities in England

Apr 01, 202057:42
Schiefer Madness: Quarantine Cuties

Schiefer Madness: Quarantine Cuties

You should really listen to this episode, but keep in mind that it won't save your life. Only Lysol can do that apparently. We hope you enjoy this surprise bonus episode. Please stay safe out there! And a very big thank you to everyone who is still working and supporting their communities.

Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic:

Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.org

Avoid purchasing WIC items to save them for families who depend on WIC.

Support your local Chinese businesses!

Self-isolate! Vulnerable members of the community are depending on all of us to help stop the spread of the virus.

And finally, be kind to yourself. If you are struggling with your mental health, you can contact the confidential Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

Mar 28, 202037:16