be known
By Kerrah E. Fabacher, LPC-S
be knownNov 20, 2023
107. Reflections on 2023
For the final episode of the year, I love to go back and reflect.
I hope you can hear your story in some of mine.
I'll see you in the New Year.
106. Honor What's It's Taken You to Survive
105. Permission to Name What You Want
How many of us have been conditioned to believe that our wants and desires don't matter or that they're inherently wrong? So we don't really ever get acquainted with or acknowledge our wants.
But we do have permission to want. And we have permission to name what we want.
Listen in.
Resources mentioned and links:
The Soul of Desire by Curt Thompson
104. The Four Cs of Communication
Let's talk about things we must remember when talking with someone about something hard, like something they've done to hurt us, something we've done to hurt them, or something they've done that's caused emotional distress in some way.
There are ways to go about these kind of moments, so let's all do our best.
103. The Knowledge of Good and Evil
There is so much pain. So much trauma. So much sorrow. So much grief. Too much knowledge of good and evil.
The world is longing for the light. For life instead.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
102. Pursuers and Withdrawers
Coined by Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of EFT, pursuers and withdrawers are often the roles people play in their close relationships, especially romantic relationships. Some relationships may have two pursuers. Some two withdrawers. But many times one is the pursuer and one the withdrawer, and it causes a lot of tension and conflict.
So let's talk look at each, provide a description of their behaviors, deeper needs and feelings, strengths and weaknesses and then talk about how to start moving forward.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
101: We All Process Differently
We all need to process through our experiences. We may not always be able to know the meaning behind something or why it happened in our lives, but we can understand it more fully and notice how we feel and think in it, because of it.
Today, we're talking about the difference between internal and external processors, as well as slow vs. fast processors.
Listen in!
Resources and links mentioned
Check out the new questions and polls below!
100. Cheers to 100 Episodes!
Man, what a ride! Can't believe we've made it to 100 episodes. Listen in for some of the story behind the show and what the podcast has taught me over the last several years.
99. When Someone's Story Bumps Up Against Your Own
Stories draw us together, but sometimes someone else's story triggers us because it's a little too similar to our own. Listen in for how to handle this when it happens.
98. Not All Connection is Created Equal
We all need connection, but not all connection is the same. There are various types of connection, and there are different levels of connection, too, based on the different kinds of relationships we have.
So let's identify these kinds of connection so we understand them better.
Come connect with me on our new Instagram page:
97. A Gentle Reminder
It's so good to be back! We've taken a couple of months off, and now I'm reminding listeners what this podcast is all about as we ease into new episodes this fall! Listen in.
Other resources and how to connect:
Instagram www.instagram.com/beknownthepodcast
96. Reactive Boundaries vs. Proactive Boundaries
For our last episode in summer '23, we're talking about how to have proactive boundaries, and how they're different from reactive boundaries. Listen in.
95. Felt Safety vs. Actual Safety
Felt safety is one of the most important things in our healing journeys. We should shoot for actual safety, too, but let's talk about the difference between the two.
Resources Mentioned:
Strong Like Water, By Aundi Kolber
94. Retell the story you've told yourself (about yourself)
Narratives are powerful, but they can be changed. What if it's possible to change the narrative we have about ourselves?
Resources and Links Mentioned:
Healing Through Words, By Rupi Kaur
93. Grace is for the things we don't know
Because we never know what someone may be walking through.
92. What I'd Wish I'd Known About Friendship When I Was Younger
We all grow and change through the years, and hopefully, we mature, too. I wish I'd known (and done) some things differently regarding friendships, so here are some of those things so you (or a young person you know) can begin to start approaching friendship in more healthy ways.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
Safe People, by Cloud and Townsend
Hashtag for Instagram: #beknownthepodcast
91. God Hears (A Blessing)
Even when we're silent, He hears.
90. Boundaries Can Heal the Nervous System
Boundaries are all kinds of magic. Let's talk about the nervous system and how boundaries can help the nervous system get regulated and reduce stress.
Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Instagram post on boundaries and trauma
Aundi Kolber's Try Softer and Strong Like Water
89. What to Do When Your Friend Gets Married with Mary B. Safrit
MaryB. Safrit is an author, producer, and singles coach passionate about closing the gap between what the church offers and what single Christians need. Her book, The Single Christian's Church Survival Guide: How to Navigate Church Culture and Conversations Without Losing Your Mind, is available on Amazon. You can listen to Unsuitable with MaryB. Safrit wherever you get your podcasts. Follow her on Instagram and TikTok @maryb.safrit. Check out more writings, resources, and freebies at marybsafrit.com.
Links:
88. Parent Yourself
Part 2 of 2 of the inner child content, today we're talking about how to parent yourself in ways you needed to be parented as a child. Nurture, Protect, and Counsel. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
Sponsor an episode: email info@kerrahfabacher.com
Follow me on Instagram @kerrahfabacher
87. See the Inner Child
What if we chose to see beyond others' behaviors, beyond their defenses, and saw the inner child in them instead?
It could be transformative in our relationships.
Listen in.
Don't forget! Follow, Rate, and Review the show!
How to financially support the podcast (just click the "Support" button)
86. Find the Light (A Meditative Practice)
As the podcast preps to take a break during this Lent season, I wanted to do something a bit different today. This is a meditative practice for when the darkness feels a bit too dark and when the light is hard to find.
May this season be healing. And I'll see you soon.
85. Practicing Empathy
Most people are beginning to realize how empathy needs to play a role in all relationships, but they're not sure how. In this episode, we'll give some specific statements and behaviors to help.
Resources and Links Mentioned in the Episode:
84. On Celebrating Relationships and Dating Yourself
Oops! For those who already heard the unedited version that accidentally got released, here's the cleaned up version! :) Cheers to learning how to date ourselves and push back on the culture that says Valentine's is just for romance.
83. How Your Story Affects Your Relationships
We all have a story. And if we're not willing to look back at it, process it, move through it, and resolve it, our relationships will suffer. Sometimes, they'll suffer greatly. Let's talk about the impact our stories can have.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
To Be Told, by Dan Allender
82. Relational Wholeness
That's what we're striving for, right? Listen in for a gentle reminder of why relational wholeness matters, some signs your relationships may be unhealthy, and questions to ask yourself to begin working toward health.
81. Endings and Beginnings
Entering a New Year can be so quick that we neglect to slow down and reflect on what we just ended. And we do this when lots of things end and begin in our lives, so to welcome us back to the podcast after a break, I'm reflecting, too. Listen in.
80. Reflections on 2022
As I prepare to enter into a more quiet season during Advent, this will be the last episode of 2022, and I thought it'd be fitting just to spend time reflecting on the year together.
Some come on in a sit a while. Grab a cup of coffee and listen in.
79. Respect the Autonomy of Others
People's choices are their own to make, and we need to let them have autonomy to make them. Listen in to what this can look like for us in a healthy way.
78. Developing More Secure Attachments
As a follow-up to the last episode, today, we're digging deeper into secure attachment and how to get there. This is is one of the most important topics you'll ever need to talk about and understand as you pursue healthier relationships, so listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:
Questions to Build Emotional Awareness
The Anatomy of Trust (Brene Brown)
Episode 59. When Safe People Are No Longer Safe
77. On Attachment Styles and the Journey to More Secure Attachments
Written by my friend and boss, Carianne Pritchett, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Episode 77 is her story of how she realized she didn't know secure attachments in her relationships and how she began to heal. We're talking briefly about attachment styles and beginning the conversation on how to heal and develop more secure attachments. Next episode, we'll talk more about secure attachments with others. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Brene Brown's The Anatomy of Trust
76. How to Know When to Walk Away
I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation lately-- people who are struggling in their relationships, something major had happened, the same old patterns are happening and nothing's changing. And they don't know whether to leave the relationship or stay. This could be in many different types of relationships, too, not just romantic. So, even though this topic is complicated and will always depend on the individual's situation, here are some signs it may be time to walk away. Listen in.
Also, the podcast is taking a short two-week break! I'll see you soon :).
Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:
Episode 14: When to Say Goodbye
Episode 67 with Mary B. Safrit: Five Practices for When Your Friends Leave
75. Be Intentional
We talk about being intentional with others, but what does it mean? In this episode we're talking about how to be intentional in our relationships. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:
74. When You Expect Too Much of Yourself
We aren't always very kind to ourselves. I think a lot of the expectations we have of ourselves are unrealistic and unhealthy, so let's talk about how to adjust them so we can be kinder. And more compassionate and gracious. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:
73. How to Practice Genuine Apology
As humans, we all need to do better at apology, normalizing it and practicing it in effective, honest ways. Let's jump into what genuine apology is and is not. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Full Life Christian Counseling Blog Post: Let's Normalize Genuine Apology
72. Make Space for Interruptions
We're not always great at allowing others to interrupt our lives, to stop us to talk and we listen or call us and we actually answer. Or make a bid for connection and we don't turn away. We're not great at this at all. We don't like for our lives to be interrupted. We don't want to be stopped, to be inconvenienced. And that's kind of a selfish way to live. Let's talk about it.
Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:
71. Fighting the Lies Modesty Culture Taught Us
We're jumping back into the podcast after a little break with a hot topic. Today, we're talking about modesty culture, how it negatively affected young women in the church, and how we can begin making a shift in thinking and how we handle modesty from this point on so we're not leading to more body shame. We're not about that anymore because that's messing up the relationship we have with ourselves. Cool? Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:
Dr. Camden Morgante on Modesty Culture:
https://www.instagram.com/p/ChFBy6vtx58/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
https://www.instagram.com/p/ChKKGb1sWDV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Dr. Camden Morgante on Five Toxic Christian Cultures
70. Handling Unmet Needs with Grace
So you know how we are getting better at expressing our needs to our humans? Well, it's very possible our humans might not be able to meet the need we have, the one we specifically requested they meet. And if we're honest, we often feel hurt, betrayed, and even attacked when they have to say no. We also feel anxious because now we have to figure out who else to ask. Let's talk about what it looks like to handle this with grace.
Also, this is a see you soon episode! The podcast will be back in August!
Resources and Links Mentioned in the Episode:
69. When the Truth Hurts
Sometimes people will tell us something that is true or that has a little truth in it, and it can be super painful for us to hear. I value truth and clarity and honesty in my relationships. In fact, I don’t have time for people who won’t show up authentically. But sometimes that honesty hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot.
Especially when it feels true.
What do we do when someone tells us something that is hard to hear or that reinforces a negative belief about ourselves? Or what if what they are saying has truth to it?
How can we respond?
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
68. When Our Anger at the World Consumes Us
I think we're all a little angry right now. And grieving. And rightfully so with everything going on in our world and in our nation. So today, I'm just making space for that, but also for us who believe in Jesus to remember who we are. To not let our anger consume when it feels hard to love. We're in Colossians 3. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:
Come hang on Instagram
67. Five Practices for When Your Friends Leave with Mary B. Safrit
My friend Mary B. Safrit, host of the Unsuitable Podcast, a podcast for single Christians, is our guest today. She shares about the importance of friendship to a single person and why it's so hard when friendships end. She then gives us five helpful practices when our friends leave that I think will be helpful for singles and non-singles alike. All of us know the pain of losing a friend, so I hope you enjoy today's episode written and recorded by my dear friend!
Resources and Links Mentioned in Episode:
How to connect with Mary B. -->
Another helpful episode on this topic:
When to Say Goodbye: Episode 14
66. How to Repair Your Damaged Relationship with Yourself
In this episode, we're talking about the concept of rupture and repair, often discussed in the field of psychotherapy. But we're not looking at rupture and repair in our relationships with others. We're looking at the process in our relationship with ourselves. How I treat myself matters, and it's time I took steps to repair any damage I've caused here. Listen in.
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
"On 'Rupture' and 'Repair'" from The School of Life
To Bless the Space Between Us, John O'Donahue
65. When Someone's Boundaries Hurt Me
Sometimes we set limits in ways that are hurtful to others, like really hurtful. I asked a friend of mine to share a story of when this has happened to him. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:
64. So, What About Emotional Boundaries?
We can talk a lot on the concept of emotional boundaries. What if our emotions have too much of an affect on someone else? Or what if we can't seem to separate ourselves from the emotions of others? Come on in. What does it mean to have good emotional boundaries? Let's sit a while and chat about it.
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
63. Living with Someone Else's Consequences
When we have good boundaries, we aren't taking as our own someone else's consequences for their decisions. But what if in some cases we do? What if we have to deal with their consequences for whatever reason? How can we handle that? Listen in.
Resources mentioned in this Episode:
62. When It Feels Like God Isn't Listening
Today, I'm being honest with you about how I've not really felt God near lately. How I've had questions, but I'm not sure he's been answering. I'm sure many of you can relate. So in true Kerrah fashion, we're not going to pretend we don't feel confused and frustrated about this. As always, I hope my vulnerability will help you be honest with yourself, too.
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
Say Yes: Discovering the Surprising Life Beyond the Death of a Dream, by Scott Erickson
Questions to help build emotional awareness
Financially support the podcast (Click the support button)
61. A Prayer for Lent
A simple prayer as we prepare to enter the season of Lent.
60. Grace vs. Enabling
There is a distinct difference between grace and enabling. One is the obviously more healthy choice. One is not. So how can we do the former without slipping into the latter? How can we show grace without enabling someone else's harmful behavior? Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
59. When Safe People are No Longer Safe
To think about the characteristics of unsafe vs. safe people, go listen to episode 43, Safe People. But let's talk about a part of this that feels hard. What do we do when our safe people no longer feel safe? We'll talk about some behaviors that would make us feel unsafe and some possible next steps when that happens. Listen in.
Resources and Links Mentioned:
Safe People, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Instagram: @kerrahfabacher
58. Everything is Redeemable
Though not everything is redeemed in the way we'd hoped, I'm a firm believer that everything is redeemable. It's one thing that brings me hope. In this episode, we are digging into what redemption can mean in our lives.
Resources and links mentioned:
Meaning of redeem/redemption in original Hebrew