Mediator-diagnosed impasse:

If impasse is assumed by the mediator(s) to be present when not actually stated by the participants this can be based on an expectation or ‘requirement’ of participants to ‘perform’ in a preconceived manner for the benefit of the mediator(s). (Are they smiling, have they come to ‘agreement’, have they made an action plan, can it be put down on paper?) Indeed, the participants may not be stuck at all, just not doing/saying/deciding what the mediator thinks they ‘should’ be. As a consequence, a tug-of-war ensues - caused by the mediator(s) and so the situation does indeed become stuck! A perceived going-round-in-circles may be simply a revisiting of an idea or issue, perhaps a few times until it feels more comfortable and makes more sense to the participant(s). If the mediator tries to stop that or do something to prevent it being spoken of repeatedly it may mean the participants never get a chance to come to terms with it in a way they feel comfortable with. To think we, as mediators, perceive impasse when not explicitly stated by the participants can be a great indication of the extent to which we are wanting to control or direct or ‘rescue’ the people involved in a dispute rather than help them to create their own answers. This allows us to adjust our practice accordingly if we remain mindful about such experiences.

Participant-stated impasse:

If participants state for themselves that they think they are in impasse it can simply be an honest and vulnerable openness about their perceptions and feelings about their situation at a given time in the discussion. There is no reason why that cannot quickly change without the mediator having to do anything ‘special’ to ‘make’ it happen. Sometimes an expression of impasse/feeling stuck can be just like stopping for a rest on a long journey to look around and see where we are rather than feel we have to keep ‘moving forward’, particularly where we might be a little unsure about where we are going and how we will get there, wherever ‘there’ is. On that basis a summary from a mediator of what has been discussed so far without any attempt to direct the way forward can be supportive as the participants can, while resting on their journey, be helped to look back on the places (issues, topics etc.) they have visited so far. The willingness to express a feeling of stuckness or impasse is, in many ways a gift to the mediation process as it opens up new possibilities for questions that can be asked in relation to that feeling or expression that did not exist before.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

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Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Contemplations on Conflict 4 - Eckhart Tolle - ON A DEEPLY UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL, YOU DO NOT WANT POSITIVE CHANGE

CAOSBy Alan SharlandSep 07, 2019