The Feels with Charmian

Why do we get some things that we want, and for others, they seem to elude us? In this episode, we discuss the tendency as human beings, to see our biggest desires, as big to begin with. In order to have the things we want, we have to become the version of us that naturally identifies with having it. We talk about how to shift into that mindset, and how to take our goals, people, and ideal states off the pedestal we built for them, in order to really experience them.

@charmiantyx

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What does it mean to “become the one” rather than “find the one”? If we find ourselves unable to keep relationships, is it them or is it us? In this episode, we discuss how the state of being we perceive relationships from, affects our relationship health. This is for anyone who wonders why they can never truly feel happy single or attached; the lack of fulfilment in any circumstance stems from your state. Remember, feeling loved is a choice you make, it has to start from you. Happy listening x

@charmiantyx

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Let's talk affirmations! We affirm every moment of every day, so the question is, how do we affirm more of what we do want? A scan of what we experience now will give us a clue of what our subconscious programming is currently like. I discuss the Illusory Truth Effect and why you don't have to believe what you affirm, how to craft the right affirmations, when best to affirm intentionally.. and everything in between. This is a tried-and-true daily routine I use to stay in the best possible mindset. Write it, become it. x

(Psst. This episode goes hand-in-hand with episode 28.)

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Some of us consider spiritual upgrades as becoming closer to God, but I see it as becoming closer to oneself. In the last year, I've learnt about what it means to change no one but self, reframed my perspective on the role of desire, and how I've arrived at trusting that what we want, we can have. Spoiler alert; it involves giving no one but yourself, the permission to believe that you can. Thank you for coming along on the ride, see you on the flip side of 29! x

@charmiantyx 

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It takes 21 days to form a habit, and 90 days to create a lifestyle. In 2022, I finally have a mental health routine that I feel confident about sharing with you :)

From my exact journaling format, to how I build a meditation routine I love, how I keep a mental diet, and how I start my mornings - I hope this episode motivates you to create a wellness routine that not only feels natural to you but one that you love. Feel free to skip ahead to specific sections with time codes, and all resources I referenced can be found below as well. I love you all and am always assuming the best for you.

3:22 — How I meditate.

14:40 — How I journal.

27:10 — How I set mental boundaries.

33:00 — How I start my mornings.

37:30 — Announcement!

My go-to guided meditations:

ediyasmr’s channel

https://youtu.be/TS8WieldiW4

aaron abkes’ channel

• Create Yourself

https://youtu.be/1CtSsjHmQ34

• I AM

https://youtu.be/J76yeF2ttd8

• Daily Intention

https://youtu.be/GRk3OB-dpTY

New episodes of SGExplained out every fortnight on Sundays:

https://open.spotify.com/show/4f3ErNGtWmtoG6Ht8jvZzE?si=40f821a0d7324261

@charmiantyx

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"Every single thing about who we are, we got it from somewhere.”

Part of knowing ourselves is being able to identify what isn’t us. Do we know what beliefs are running our lives, and where do they come from? Chris Marhefka led many lives before this one; the one of an athlete, recovering from brain surgery, growing and selling seven-figure businesses, and finally becoming the CEO of personal healing and transformation. I chat with Chris on identifying our parental blueprint, rewriting the roles we play in our lives and what "doing the work" means. The beliefs we learnt from our parents unconsciously run our lives, until we look at them, and decide maybe not all of them work for us. 

Work with Chris:

https://www.chrismarhefka.com/

https://www.trainingcampforthesoul.com/

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Let's talk about MOOLAH! Or more specifically, how to make your money work for you, no matter how or what you earn. In this episode, I invite my friend Matthew John (@slim.matt) to reinforce the basics of money 101, and together, we break down the various money personality types there are out there. This is especially helpful if you work in a gig-economy, just entered the workforce, or are looking for ways to save comfortably, consistently.

The 24th episode on the 24th of the month - did I plan it? Maybe maybe maybe. This is the last episode for the year folks, and one I highly recommend giving a listen as we start thinking of our new year's resolutions. This, IMHO, is step 0 to lasting change - understanding how change really happens. Make 2022 the year you drop old stories of yourself; stories that no longer have a place within the version of you that you want to be. I'm sending you love and #kebabwisdom for the holidays. Catch you in the new year! x

Say no to being A HOE HOE HOE! lol it’s cuffing season! A time so easy to settle for mediocre, less-than-fulfilling relationships out of loneliness. Sis is here to help strengthen your dating standards, by sharing with you author and sexologist, Shan Boody’s concept of the Frozen Five. We know what we don’t want, but do we actually know what we NEED in order to thrive in our relationships? I break down what you should be asking when listing your five non-negotiable traits, and as usual, share a (healthy) dose of my take and experiences in the field. Get a weighted blanket y’all, cause we are NOT settling this holiday season. x 

Authors mentioned:

What does your therapist think about you? And what are they really asking when they ask you questions? In this episode, I chat with Jon about his practice as a Psychotherapist and Mindfulness Teacher, to set the record straight about what mindfulness is, and how we can hold space for our anxieties. Skip ahead to parts that interest you with the timecodes below, or sit with us and let's unpack. Jon's having peppermint tea, I've got chamomile, make a cup for yourself too.

This episode includes a quick guided mindfulness practice at 37:30 mins.

4:35 — Sitting with our emotions. What is it and how do we do it?

7:30 — What is the story you’re telling yourself in this moment?

9:13 — Your emotions are just emotions, there are no ugly ones.

10:50 — Understanding how mindfulness is used in therapy.

11:50 — Thoughts are not facts.

13:50 — Mindfulness with another person.

16:02 — How do we see people more than we use them?

20:15 — Couples Therapy. What does a couple “working out” look like?

25:08 — “I’m feeling anxious” vs. “I have anxiety”

27:27 — Identifying it vs. Identifying with it

29:00 — How is how you feel, affecting your life?

30:40 — Your anxiety is not the same as someone else’s anxiety.

31:41 — "What good does this emotion do for you?"

32:20 — High-functioning anxiety — what is it?

36:30 — Your emotions always have a message.

36:55 — Being mindful is not about feeling good.

37:30 — Guided mindfulness practice: Dropping Anchor

44:11 — Is mindfulness always about meditating?

45:21 — Meditation is a mindfulness practice, but you don’t need to meditate to be mindful.

46:42 — How Jon stays mindful in and out of work.

48:22 — Your therapist has their own therapist!!

49:44 — Do therapists have perfect personal lives?

55:00 — Find a therapist you can give feedback to.

56:00 — Being friends with your therapist.

Book a complimentary first session with Jon:

We’re baaack! To kick off season 2, I bring on my film’s co-star, Ky Tan, for a no holds barred conversation on modern dating. We discuss our share of bad dates, how to use dating apps effectively, defining “the one”, core values vs dealbreakers, and if marriage is the necessary end goal of heterosexual relationships. 

Started from the bottom now we here! We have levelled up with our manifestations since our free coffee days my friends. For the big 2-0, I share with you some of the fun (and unexpected) things that I’ve created in my life, using various methods mentioned by the likes of people like Billie Eilish, Shawn Mendes, Oprah, Ashley Graham.. the list goes on. Listen to get a healthy dose of wu-wu today, and remember, your thoughts create your reality; the good and the bad. Manifestation is simply, deliberate focus, so choose the thoughts that serve you and drop the ones that do not. Get out there and create the things you want guys. You got this ;)

Ashley Graham on manifestation:

Let’s about UNproductivity! We all have lazy days, days we don’t want to achieve, but if the lack of motivation draws out, there could be more we’re not seeing. In this episode, I highlight the key differences between laziness and burnout, to help you have a better idea of what we’re dealing with here, and know the fix to this disconnect we feel. Laziness is something we can live with, but pervasive burnout can lead to mood disorders like depression. Listen to your body and what it's telling you it needs :) Please reach out for professional / medical support if you feel you need additional support — you are not alone.

Connect with me on IG @charmiantyx

Do you control your emotions, or do they control you? I'm all for feeling our feelings, but in the heat of the moment, we can get carried away. The 5 second rule is known for helping you to curb hesitation, so that you can act on instinct and achieve your goals. By the same token, taking 5 seconds to not react when sh*t hits the fan can help you regulate your emotions, so that you can act from the better version of you. Tried and tested by yours truly — here's to emotionally self-regulating like a baus. x

Connect with me

@charmiantyx

Even the best of us struggle with feeling great about themselves from time to time, and that just reminds us we are human. But, a healthy level of self-confidence can be built and maintained, with some tools to help! In this episode, I share with you my roadmap to building confidence over the years — through uncovering the experiences that have caused it to falter, how then to bounce back from that, and what I do to keep my self-esteem healthy. We discuss the habit of getting to know ourselves, childhood trauma, and setting mental health boundaries, in order to protect our innate ability to love what we see in the mirror.