Recharting Your Life With Hope -Get Unstuck and Discover Direction, Purpose, and Joy for Your Life

Show notes:

1. The Journey Begins: Understanding the Struggle Bus:

• We kick things off by talking about the notorious "struggle bus." We've all been there, right? Feeling stuck and overwhelmed in your career, your relationships, or with another person. Today, we're going to break it down.

2. What if you saw your struggles as tests in the classroom of life?

• Life presents us with tests, and passing the tests helps you move to the next level. I'll share a few tests I've faced and we'll explore how we can look at life through the lens of "earth school"

4. Embracing Imperfection:

• Perfection? Not our goal here. Let's discuss the importance of embracing imperfections and understanding that they're all part of our journey.

5. Unpacking the Purpose:

• Time for some introspection. What's the point of your current struggle? How can you learn and grow from it? We'll uncover the wisdom hidden within challenges.

6. Stay in Your Lane:

• Comparison is a tricky game. I'll teach you why it's crucial to focus on your unique path and not get caught up in comparing your struggles to others.

7. Self-Reflection and Journaling:

• Grab your pen and paper, folks. We're diving into self-reflection and journaling. These tools are essential for processing emotions and finding clarity during challenging times.

8. Emotional Intelligence and Coping Strategies:

• Let's explore emotional responses and healthier ways to cope with life's challenges. Building emotional resilience is a key lesson.

9. Rewrite Your Story: Shifting Self-Labels:

• What if you could change how you see yourself? I'll show you how envisioning a different narrative for yourself can lead to personal growth and transformation.

10. Paying It Forward: Inspiring Others:

• Lastly, we'll talk about the ripple effect. Sharing your experiences and wisdom with others is a powerful way to inspire personal growth in yourself and those around you.

Conclusion:

• Remember to embrace your unique journey, accept life's tests, and keep your focus on the big picture. What is this teaching you or what could it teach you if you let it?

Show notes:

Introduction:

• Who do you want to be vs. who you really are
• How your unhappiness has everything to do with how you see yourself, others, and the world.

Segment 1: What is Dissonance? (00:02:15)

• Understand dissonance as a feeling of being out of alignment with your ideal self.
• Relate dissonance to beliefs, actions, and thoughts.
• Listen to specific examples to grasp the concept better.

Segment 2: Recognizing Dissonance (00:04:00)

• Honestly assess your alignment with your desired self.
• Reflect on whether you genuinely like yourself and whether you match up your past aspirations.

Segment 3: Choosing Your Thoughts (00:06:30)

• Contemplate past moments of unhappiness and self-questioning.
• Recognize the tendency to blame external factors when feeling out of alignment.
• Grasp the significance of the term "dissonance."

Segment 4: The Impact of Our Thoughts (00:09:45)

• Learn from Viktor Frankl's experiences during the Holocaust.
• Understand how thoughts influence your perception and response to circumstances.
• Understand that suffering is often a result of your thoughts.

Segment 5: Getting Out of the Box (00:13:30)

• Comprehend the concept of being "in the box" and its effects on emotions and physical well-being.
• Realize that staying in the box, even if you're right, is a choice and will lead to suffering 100% of the time
• Create an alternate story to shift your perspective and observe how it affects your feelings and reactions.

Segment 6: Self-Reflection and Accountability (00:16:45)

• Commit to daily reflection, journaling, or seeking support from others to acknowledge the times you're in the box
• Understand that no one else can put you in the box; you are responsible for your thoughts and reactions. You put yourself in the box

Chase and I went on our first-ever marriage retreat after finding ourselves in a relationship rut for the past year or two. As I learned new ways of thinking about things and how to shift my perspective, I realized the information would also help my wonderful podcast listeners with their career struggles.

I've done a lot of therapy and reading to make sure my marriage is able to survive, but when I read John Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I started seeing parallels with work relationships. Dr. Gottman talks about the "Four Horsemen" of marriage. These are things like contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism. If present when a couple is interacting, Dr. Gottman says their relationship has a high likelihood of collapsing. The same could be true with your workplace relationships. If you're shutting down or filled with contempt for your boss, guess what? You might need to start job searching. Or, you can work on turning it around. I'll go through the 4 horsemen and how they might show up in your workplace and what to do about it to try and salvage your job.

It's time, people! You finally get to nail what's sucking your energy and wasting your time. I'll teach you how to figure out who or what needs to go bye-bye and how to carry this out. If you like this episode, listen to 159 and 160 for decluttering your space and decluttering your emotions.

In this episode I review the most common emotions I encounter in my life coaching. I'll give you steps to figure out which emotions are "body snatching" you, how to be a thought detective, how to do a thought audit, and finally, what to do about those BIG emotions keeping you stuck.

Today I share a powerful tool that can help you clear out the clutter in your life and create space for meaningful change. In order to move forward on your career journey, you'll have to clear out the space to become (whatever that means for you).

Who Can Use This Tool: Are you ready to embrace change but find yourself overwhelmed by where to start? This episode is for anyone who's feeling stuck and yearning for a new direction, whether it's a career shift or a fresh perspective on life. If you often get lost in the details or struggle to imagine your next steps, this tool is designed just for you.

Who This Isn't For: If you're currently in survival mode or immobilized by the thought of change, this episode might not be the right fit for you. This tool is best suited for those who are ready to dream and take action.

Introducing the Declutter Decoy: The Declutter Decoy, is a game-changer that helps you create order and clarity in your life. This tool was taught to me as the "living space tool" by Martha Beck, but I like calling it the Declutter Decoy because it can shift your mindset without you even realizing it.

How It Works: Our lives often become cluttered, hindering our ability to see the bigger picture. Imagine zip-lining through a forest – you see the tops of trees and bald spots that are invisible from the ground. The same applies to our lives. We're going to explore four types of clutter: physical, emotional, human, and time clutter over the next few episodes.

Step 1: Physical Clutter: Physical clutter is present in everyone's life – from messy drawers to chaotic closets. The disorder distracts you from focusing on your dreams. Establishing order and discipline in your environment is essential for growth.

Examples of Physical Decluttering: We delve into practical examples of decluttering, from cleaning out your purse, and getting a haircut, to tidying up your car. Physical clutter affects decision-making and drains our energy.

The Declutter Decoy Technique:

1. Select a small, stress-inducing area in your space.
2. Describe it in detail – how it looks and makes you feel.
3. Contrast it with a clutter-free area that brings you calm.
4. Analyze the feelings and sensations each space evokes.
5. Identify parallels between cluttered spaces and areas of your life.
6. Make cluttered spaces feel more like the calm ones.
7. Break down the process into the simplest steps.

Personal Example: I share my experience using the Declutter Decoy technique to tackle my purse clutter, and how it relates to my social media posting habits. By taking small, manageable steps, I'm working to bring the calm and purpose I feel in coaching to this aspect of my life.

Applying the Technique: You're encouraged to take the lessons learned and apply them to your own cluttered spaces – whether physical, emotional, human, or time-related. By taking even the tiniest steps, you can create significant shifts in your life.

Conclusion: Remember, making even the smallest changes can lead to significant results. Just like a ship adjusting its course by a single degree, you can chart a new path and arrive at an entirely different destination. Embrace the Declutter Decoy and start recharting your life with hope.

If you found this tool valuable, don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Until next time, keep decluttering and keep believing in the power of change.

Everyone has fear to some degree. But how do some people keep doing scary things and others get stuck for years (or a lifetime)? What do you do about fear of making a mistake or fear of failure?

🗣️ In this thought-provoking episode, we'll dive deep into the world of self-compassion and its profound impact on healing burnout. You may have heard Kristen Neff's remarkable TED talk on the subject, but get ready for even more eye-opening revelations!

🚀 Discover how fostering radical self-compassion can transform your life, boost resilience, and dissolve the chains of self-criticism.

After reading dozens of Facebooks posts and comments from people who say they'd love to cut back to part-time but can't, I decided to share 3 tools to give you the shift you need to make it happen. If you've longed for a change in your schedule but a part of you says it'll never happen, this episode is for you.

If you still don't feel ready, reach out and I'll walk you through the steps to get you there.

Want to know a trick to determine if you're resisting change because of fear? Tell yourself you have to stay put and see how that feels in your body. If it feels bad, you need to make changes. Likewise, if you tell yourself you can have a do-over and change your mind, and if your body feels free, relieved, or expansive, this is a sign you need to make a change.

Plus, how to talk to fear in a way that'll calm it down and allow you to choose the right path going forward.

Step 1 was all about inner work: admitting you're lost, confused, and stuck. This step is all about dreaming and giving yourself permission to do so without rules or restrictions. Have you ever noticed how, when you first experience an "I'm stuck and don't have a clue what to do next" type situation, you become paralyzed for a while? Then, you eventually start seeing glimmers of hope, you start brainstorming and thinking "what if" type thoughts. This is step 2!

Every single time life throws us a curve ball (aka CHANGE), we go through the 4 stages of change according to Martha Beck. When you first experience a big change, you might feel completely lost, angry, or have total disbelief. Listen to find out more about stage 1 of the change cycle and how it relates to your career.

Did you hear the story last summer about the lady who fell head-first into the porta-potty while trying to retrieve her cell phone using her dog leash? I use this fascinating story of (attempted) resilience and failure to illustrate what we can do when we find ourselves in situations involving shi%$y work situations.

If you're curious about whether life coaching can help you get unstuck or make your next career move, let's talk! We'll meet up on zoom and chat.

I'd love to meet you, so stop thinking about it and take action! Remember, you can't think your way to clarity, but taking action will lead you there.

The day I recorded this episode I said YES to bringing my son's computer to school when he forgot it. I wanted to say no, but mom guilt and people-pleasing made me say yes. 20 minutes later I was pulled over and given a ticket. I've learned that lesson and tried to share my insights and tips with you!

If you're curious about whether life coaching can help you get unstuck or make your next career move, let's talk! We'll meet up on zoom and chat.

I'd love to meet you, so stop thinking about it and take action! Remember, you can't think your way to clarity, but taking action will lead you there.

When I was asked to write an article on burnout and how lifestyle medicine can help, I dragged my heels, thinking I wasn't perfect enough to offer tips or advice. But, it turns out I already do many of the things lifestyle medicine promotes, and you can, too. They're not complicated and don't require enormous change. And I can promise you'll feel better if you try these on for a week.

For years I held myself to such high standards I made myself miserable. I walked around on Empty. But I wasn't able to see that I was the problem. Instead, I blamed others and my job. Learn to assess which things fill you up and which things drain you, then give yourself permission to let go.

If you're curious about whether life coaching can help you get unstuck or make your next career move, let's talk! We'll meet up on zoom and chat. I'd love to meet you, so stop thinking about it and take action! Remember, you can't think your way to clarity, but taking action will lead you there.

Y'all know I share too much sometimes, including arguments with my husband, yelling at my kids, and being mad at whatever injustice I think I've suffered. Today's episode takes a look at what the anger is all about using examples from my own life. I'll give you a few tools to use the next time you feel angry. Don't let anger cause you to "burn down" your life or your marriage. Instead, look underneath it and get curious about why it's there.

If you're curious about whether life coaching can help you get unstuck or make your next career move, let's talk! We'll meet up on zoom and chat. I'd love to meet you, so stop thinking about it and take action! Remember, you can't think your way to clarity, but taking action will lead you there.

In this episode I share a vulnerable truth about not getting to do the Mastercoach program I applied to, I talk about the mistakes I've made when I squeeze my eyes shut and hope for the best, and I tell about a relative who ate poison by accident.

After 20 years of marriage, we thought it was time to celebrate with a childless trip to Italy! Listen for tips on how you can get the same perspective shift without leaving your home!

This is the last episode of Season 3, so click the subscribe button so you'll receive new episodes when Season 4 starts.  

In the meantime, why not get coached?

Who I coach: burned-out working women who can't imagine staying in their jobs for another 10 years, but they a) feel a lot of GUILT for not loving their job b) aren't sure WHAT they'd do next c) aren't sure HOW do leave or pivot.  

Why use me?  You know life is too precious to waste years being in a job you dread.  I've been there and came out stronger on the other side.  You can, too!  I've got tools that I'll teach you so you can make life adjustments going forward.  

When do I coach?  When my kiddos are in school from 7:45-3:00

Were you scared of things as a kid?  We all were.  Are you still scared of things?  Again, we all are.  But how we handle that fear determines how we live our lives.  How do you know when you need to sit up and pay BIG attention to fear?  I'll also talk about the different kinds of fear.  

Included in this episode:  my childhood fear of kidnapping, my fears about my kids, and how fear may have kept my son safe at a birthday party when he was 5.  

Are you considering life coaching?  My ideal client is a working woman (usually they're moms but not always) who isn't thrilled with her work life but she feels trapped and isn't sure if she can or should consider quitting.  And yet she goes to work day after day feeling misaligned, out of sorts, and overall meh (or UGH!).  

Yes.  I, the staunch non-dog person, now has a shelter dog I adore.  And wow, what a great teacher she's been!  Listen in for tips you can use in your everyday life.  

When you're frozen in uncertainty, the good news is that the situation won't stay the same whether you act or not.  Even by not making a move, you're essentially making a move, right?  

Taking a good look at where you're stuck and what your options are can be a relief when things start piling up and weighing you down.  I'll share how a fall into frigid water gave me the ah-ha I needed!

Reading the intro to the book, Reviving Ophelia, I had so many ah-has about how we as moms lose decades of our lives to other people's needs and wants.  We give up our own selves to become the version of us society wants and needs us to be.  What happens when you wake up in your 30's or 40's, look at your life, and realize you have no idea who you are or what you want?  I'll give you a road map of small doable steps to rediscover yourself.    

I describe how we think, feel, and act when we're in the throes of a slump, a pity party.  Then, I contrast that with how you'd be better served by giving you 8 easy to follow steps (one is to shave your legs!).  If you're prone to dipping low, this is the episode to listen to!

As we drove the 4 hours to my hometown, I jotted down stories from my life, my clients' lives, and my patients' lives to illustrate how we create pain by living in the future and past.  By living in our cocoon of the present moment, we "seal up" our lives against needless worry and anxiety.  

I'll share how I often fight against "what is" (ie, reality) and how this causes more suffering than the situation itself.  Imagine you're in a job you no longer love but you feel trapped.  It appears you have no options.  The thought bubble above your head frequently says "I can't keep doing this!"  I'll give you the hard truth about how to look at your options and make a choice.  

I'll also share how I fought against "what is" twice in the last 12 hours: with a big travel goof-up and a sleep study gone awry.  

If you can relate and want to try changing your own reality or at least your perspective on it, reach out!  You can send an old-fashioned email to my personal email (no assistant yet, unfortunately!) hope.cook@gmail.com or get all fancy and send me a DM on Instagram @coachhopecook

My life coaching mentor, Martha Beck, has used the metaphor of swinging from a rope swing to help clients determine if they need to jump, keep swinging for a while, or stay on the safety of the rock for a while longer.  Maybe you've considered taking a leap, but something tells you it isn't time.  Or maybe there are things you can do to make your current job be a better fit so you don't have to jump off into the unknown.  

I sometimes coach clients who've mustered the courage to do something big--quit their jobs, start dating, get a degree, and then BAM!  It all ends and they're back to square 1.  This is such a hard place to be--they experience loneliness, sadness, and feelings of shame.  Listen to this episode or share with a friend who's going through it.  Tip:  Don't tell them about a similar situation you or a friend has had. Bite your tongue!

For at least two years I read every self-help book I could get my hands on.  I saw three different therapists, I listened to career clarity podcasts, but when it came down to it, I knew what I needed to do.  When I read Martha Beck's book, Finding Your Own North Star, I had so many ah-has!  Finally, I was ready to answer those hard questions and take off my blinders.  In this episode, I'll ask you many of those same questions.  Get ready with your pen and paper! 

And if you're not a DIY kind of person, let's sit down together with a mug of coffee (or a glass of wine) and I'll ask you all these and more!

I bought a new car yesterday, but the journey started months ago with a totaled vehicle.  I use the metaphor of a dying/dead car to explain your career journey from the beginning (unhappy, "dead" and stuck at your job) to the big leap (being "all in") including all the detours and unexpected events along the way ("what the heck was I thinking?!").  And yes,  you will finally arrive at your desired destination (my new car finally makes it home to my driveway).  

IFS seems to be all the buzz these days--or is it just me because I'm a therapy-addict?  I'll explain how this way of thinking about ourselves can give you a new take on your areas of least satisfaction.  For example, is your inner Perfectionist making your mom-life miserable?  Is your Pleaser keeping you at a job you should've left 2 years ago?  Is your Rebel making trouble in your relationship?  

One of the first things I do with clients is to ask them what they'd change if they could wave a magic wand.  In other words, what do you wish was different?  Instead of naming things they have control over, they'll say things like, "I wish he would..."  or "In my ideal world, she would....".  I explain how the only thing they can truly change is themselves and that starts with noticing what's going on in their bodies and their minds.  I'll share a few simple tools you can get started with!

Like many of you, I learned to please others when I was a child to ensure I was liked/loved.  I put others first and was rewarded, further compounding the belief that my needs come last.  I'll share what I've learned to help treat this condition and get unstuck!

If you're a Triple P and need help changing, reach out!  Email me at hope.cook@gmail.com or send a DM on IG: @coachhopecook

I'm a victim frequently (twice this morning already!)  Being in a mud-pit of despair and wearing a woe-is-me attitude kept me stuck in a job for 3 years too long.  But, there's hope (pun intended!).  Actually, I'm so grateful for that 3 year period because it was a huge opportunity to grow and change into who I am today-a life coach helping other women figure out how to have careers filled with joy.  

Did you know it took me two years to finally do a podcast?  Did you know I thought about taking my life coaching class 8 years ago and didn't?  We all have secret dreams deep inside but fear and doubt stop us and squash our dreams.  Listen to my 11 tips for how to birth your dream into a reality.  And no, you don't have to quit your day job!

Eating meals in silence, sleeping in a guest house with strangers but not speaking?  Weirded out, yet?  Hear how silence is a secret super-power and how you can benefit from a reset in your own life!

I have several clients who learned to be non-feelers somewhere along the way.  I've been there myself, stuffing and compartmentalizing emotions and feelings.  If you're a regular listener, you know our bodies don't bode well when we put issues in our tissues.  Listen to this episode if you're an "It's okay.  I'm okay.  I'm fine, everything is fine" type woman.  

Autumn got her first nudge in 9th grade when she felt pulled to work in law enforcement as a victim advocate.  Sometimes she listened right away when she'd get a nudge, other times she'd resist.  Hear her amazing journey of following the nudges of career changes, moving to Hawaii, and writing a book.  

Michele Neskey, aka founder of the Posh PA, kept me laughing as she walked me through her life as a mom, a PA, an entrepreneur, and all the other roles society assigns to us.  We get to hear how she made the decision to start hiring others to help her in her business (helping pre-PAs get into school.)  This investment in herself led to a huge business growth spurt.  Then Michele chose to take another chance on herself when she realized she continued to work longer and harder at her job as an oncology physician assistant despite receiving less and less appreciation.  We discuss guilt over leaving a job and how to reconcile this in order to truly find yourself.  

(*trigger warning, attempting suicide is discussed in this story in the context of an overdose)

Today's guest, Kristi Amdahl, first tried to end her life before she'd even hit her teen years.  With raw honesty, she shares how, even as the daughter of a preacher, she'd never really had a relationship with God, but in her darkest hour, when she'd given up all hope, she heard a voice.  She began to slowly turn her life around, upgrading one aspect at a time until it was a complete turn-about.  From her teen years aspiring to be a Vegas stripper to now letting her soul guide her, Kristi's story will no doubt touch you.