Dad In A Daughter's World
By Brandon Ray
Dad In A Daughter's WorldSep 08, 2023
The End For Now
This is the end of my passion project. I have learned a lot. I won't say I won't come back to this sometime in the future, but for now, I'm stepping away to focus on life with my girls.
Let Them Feel Fear
This may be controversial, but I have chosen to bolster their courage instead of dispel their fears. We can't always know what it is we are facing, so instead of trying to explain it away, lets just punch it in the face.
Hollywood Sucks: A Rant
Is anyone else sick and tired of the kids shows being filled with adult content? I sure am.
I'm back from my time away. I had some big projects to focus on. I left off with my advice on preparing for Disney and I'm sorry I didn't my update out sooner, but here it is. We had a great time, but also learned some lessons.
It has been a few years, but we are going back to Disneyland. I thought I would share some of the tips that help us be successful on our Disney outings. We have gone enough times that these are tried and true. I hope they help.
My Coach, Bernard Scott
I finish up my bit on health by interviewing my coach for the last 15 months. Bernard has been a huge blessing in my life. I am so grateful for his influence. I am an advocate for getting a coach. We need people in our lives who are pushing for the same things.
If you would like to connect with Bernard, you can find him on Instagram at @bernard_crohns_warrior
We Need To Be Striving
Everyone tells us we should all have goals. I don't disagree, but the goal is not really important. The goal is just something to get us on a journey. Once we are on a journey, striving to succeed, then we will change and grow. Then...we'll keep going.
Health Is Not A Burden, It's A Privilege
A key to success on my health journey was removing the mental burden of feeling like, "I HAVE to work out today." I don't have to do anything....I GET to work out today. Making this change helps remove the mental burden, which allows us to sustain our habit longer.
Get Rid Of Negative Self Talk
Negative self talk is causing more damage than you think. We think it only impacts us because it is our brain, but it doesn't. It impacts our whole family. I'm not asking you to instantly switch from negative self talk to being a positive person walking on clouds and sunshine. Lets just take the first step and from negative to neutral.
Just Show Up Every Day
A health journey is the best way to train ourselves for being good dads. The first step in getting healthy, learning to show up every day. If you can master that, then you can build a foundation of trust with yourself and with your kids.
How To Start Getting Healthy with Joey Szolowicz
Are you stuck trying to figure out how to start getting healthy as a busy parent? It's hard, but it's important. My friend Joey joins us again to talk about what it takes to get started on a health journey. Please be sure to find Joey on IG (@joeyszolowics)
Do The Deep Work
I hope you are on a health journey. I am and wanted to share the beginning steps. There was so much mindset work that had to be done before I could really get results. I'm going to continue sharing insights from my journey in hopes that it will help you on yours.
If you aren't on a health journey yet, get on one. You need to be alive and as strong as your girls need.
We Are Who We're Becoming
It's 2023 and time to set your vision. There is no "new year, new you." There is just you and you will either move forward, backward, or stay the same. Just remember, whatever you do, you are modeling how to live for your girls.
Keeping A Spirit of Adventure
We took a day trip up to the snow and nothing went as planned. That's alright though, because it was not about anything other than family time. So, keep the spirit of adventure and you'll be okay.
I hope your holiday has much less sickness than mine. With all this time spent being sick, I had some time to reflect on the negative impacts on how we treat our sick friends and family as well as how we need to change this going forward.
Keep The Magic Alive
Keep the magic of Santa and the Scout Elf alive for as long as you possibly can. The kids will have plenty of time to be jaded. But, be prepared for the transition, it won't last forever.
Clarity From Separation
I finally got struck with the "rona" and got some separation, which really helped me clarify some things, like my kids are just doing what kids do. The forced separation was good time for me to reflect.
Yelling Too Much?
I had a moment when I really needed my daughter to listen to me, but I have yelled too much and she has become desensitized to it.
It is critically important to keep as many family traditions as possible. I know Thanksgiving gets overshadowed by Christmas, but it is one that my family loves. I make sure we are there too. These traditions keep us connected to something much larger than ourselves.
Childhood Is Not Forever
We have to stop raising a nation of squibs! I don't really say that, but if you watch Bluey as much as I do, then you know what I'm talking about. It's true though. These generations are soft. We need to do our part to make sure our kids are ready to be adults.
The Friend Group
We are the summary of the 5 people closest to us. This is why the friend group is so important. I share how I ask about the friend group and encourage her to pick good influences and separate from the negative ones.
Don't Let Them Grow Up Too Fast
Our young girls are caught between two worlds. They are too old for Disney music, but not old enough for Katy Perry. Where are they supposed to go? This is a challenge I've been working through and, to be honest, not completely figured out. We can't shelter them from every burden, but we can't force onto them more than they can handle.
Getting Stuck In The Negative
Feedback is so important for our kids because they want to learn everything they can from us (even if they act like they don't). The problem is we can get stuck in a negative rut and only see the bad things they do. We have to be clear and positive with our kids when providing feedback.
Cheerleaders and Beauty
Ever since having daughters I have become much more aware of the presentation of women. Now that football season is back up, I have to ask, "what is the point of cheerleaders?" They don't actually do anything at the game. They do force me to address concepts of what beauty is with my kids though, so I guess there's that.
Consistency Is The Key To Success
My daughter asked me, "why do we eat the same thing for breakfast every day?" Well, I'm so glad you asked, let me tell you....
Being A Distracted Busy Body
Have you ever found yourself adding things to your "honey do" list, or working longer hours then necessary? Have you ever asked yourself why? I did this and realized I was using my work as a distraction so I didn't have to deal with something that made me uncomfortable.
Barbies vs Baseballs
Some dads are good at playing with Barbies, I am not one of them. I have frustrated my kids more than once because I'm not good at imagination games. I think we, as dads, need to be honest with ourselves about our strengths and weaknesses as well as candid with our kids regarding them.
Dignity In Disagreement
Sometimes we miss things. No one's going to bat 1.000. A childish disagreement on the playground is a great opportunity to help separate the dignity of the person from their ideas, thoughts, or beliefs. If we can teach this one thing, our future will be brighter.
Hey, Dad! Look At Me!
We all know that phase when you hear, "hey, dad! Watch this!" or, "Hey, dad. Look at me!" It is a fun stage where they really think you are the coolest dude ever, but it comes with it's challenges, like the constant demand for your attention. We have to consider a few things during this stage to help maintain the status of coolest dude ever to our little girls.
The Importance Of Stories
It is critically important that we read to our kids every day. It is also important for dads to be involved in that. The kids benefit from seeing us read to them as well as from the books we will favor over what they will typically choose.
If you need some help getting a good bedtime story, please consider my first children's story The Great Wolf. The Amazon link is here
Reviewing "The Strong Willed Child" By Dr James Dobson
I have put quite a bit of time into reading parenting books this year. I wanted to sum up some lessons from those books and the first one is "The Strong Willed Child." There are some good tidbits in this book, but overall, you could probably save quite a bit of time just by listening to this podcast.
Raising Girls In The Faith w/ Robby Lashua
I got to sit down with a local Christian apologist and father 4 and we discussed bringing up kids in the faith and how important it is to live out our faith. I highly recommend connecting with Robby. He is insightful and doing great work with Stand To Reason.
Disciplined Dads with Miguel Chavez
Are you a dad and an entrepreneur? If so, then you probably have a really good idea about how hard it is to do meet all of the obligations. Miguel Chavez is a coach that helps with exactly that. We talk about discipline. I think there is some info that will serve you here. Also, if you need some extra help, reach out to Miguel for coaching.
Reach out on Instagram @hardworkdiscipline or to Miguel directly @chavo_3
1st Grade Hate List...WHAT?!
My daughter came home upset one day after school and explained that she was on a girl's "hate list." It was sad, but also a good teaching moment for her and for me.
Child Exploitation On Social Media
Have you seen the #protectwren stuff going on? It was in the headlines, so I read a bit about it. I thought, "this is crazy!" Then I thought about it a little more and realized most of us do the same thing, just maybe to a lesser degree. We need to protect our children from the internet.
Don't Let Fear Get Control
We can't control everything that happens and we can't live in fear of everything we can't control. So, what are we to do? Focus on the only thing we can control, which is our response.
My Number 1 Lesson After 50 Episodes
After 50 episodes, what is the number one lesson, most important lesson I have learned?
Listen and find out!
Put Your Phone Down
If it hadn't been for the gentle nudge of my loving daughter's, I would have never realized how much life passed me by as I stared watching nonsense on social media. I have been on a social media fast (removed it completely from my phone). This is the story that has motivated it.
The Ideal Dad
No, I am not going to tell you how to become the ideal dad. You have to figure that out for yourself. This is about how I have received a bunch of different approaches and advice on having an ideal self envisioned. This is the approach that I use and it helps me get over my pride and work towards being the dad I want to be remembered as.
Work Hard Because It Matters
Have you ever felt physically drained? Exhausted? But, yet, satisfied at the same time? Working hard is important. The sense of pride we get providing for our families is a tangible currency. It has real value. I also think we judge ourselves incorrectly as it pertains to the work we do for our families. We need to give ourselves more credit for the intention. We need to care about the hard work. Lastly, we need to remove judgment on the results. If we do these things, we will be able to put our head down at the end of a long day and truly rest.
Best Dad Ever Party
In celebration of Father's Day, I share a story about my girls throwing me a "best dad ever" party. That expression of love was enough to keep me going. I hope you had a wonderful Father's Day. If no one else told you, you are appreciated, even if they don't know it yet.
We Got My Daughter A Puppy
Despite the warnings we received, we made the decision to get my daughter a dog. It's been hard, but what my daughter is learning is worth it.
3 Lessons Traveling With Kids
We got back from our epic trip to New York City. These are the 3 biggest lessons I learned traveling across the country with my kids.
Traveling With Kids...Plan!
What is the key to traveling with kids? Planning, planning, and over planning. It is too much work to try and figure stuff out while managing a family. Plan everything out and make room for unexpected things to happen, then be present with your family.
Interacting With The Other
I don't think I censor my kids, but I do manage what they experience. There are certain things that require a certain level of maturity to handle. I can't control everything, and for those instances I make it ok for them to ask questions. That is how we foster a healthy pursuit of understanding.
I Fired My Daughter
You would think that it was deeply satisfying, but it was not. It was actually extremely disappointing. These girls need to do things that suck so they know how to grind and not quit. Those are key elements to success in life.
I have discussed discipline before, but I lay out our method for discipline here.
Our Kids Cannot Be Our Everything
If we force our dreams onto our kids, it becomes their burden. Our children are not our mission. Our children cannot bear the weight of our dependency on their shoulders. We are bringing up co-pilgrims to walk this road with us (and make it a little further down than we did).
Stop Comparing Your Kids
Comparison is the thief of joy. Please stop robbing yourself and you kids of the joy of knowing them uniquely and individually. We have to work hard to remove comparison.
Boys Have A Penis, Girls Have A Vagina
One of the most difficult topics to discuss with our kids is our bodies. This conversation is so important to ensuring our girls have a healthy image of themselves and of others. We can't shy away from this conversation. It might be awkward. It might be uncomfortable. It will also be the most random inappropriate times, but we have to capitalize on every opportunity to have meaningful conversations with our girls.