It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic: Rid Your Life of Toxic People
By Dr. Heidi
It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic: Rid Your Life of Toxic PeopleJul 15, 2020
#204💘 Part 4 - My Journey - Through the Eyes of the Man who Loves Me💘
I would like every one to meet Jeremy aka: My Hot Husband I am not sure that our story is any bigger or better than anyone else's but it is bigger and better to us. He found me at a time in my life when I was but a shell of who I am now. He gave me the feeling that even if it wasn't with him, there was something better out there for me. I am grateful everyday for this man and thankful that God sent him to me when there was no happiness, no laughter, and no direction in my life. I had given up on the hope that my future would be any different than my past and present, and then there he was my glimmer of hope. He loves me inspite of my past situation, my perceptions, and my insecurities. He has supported me in becoming the person I am today and helped me see that I am perfect in the eyes of the heart that was meant to love me. In this 4 part series my husband and I share our perspectives on the experiences, struggles, disappointments, joys, and realities that came with our relationship. With commitment to our love, dedication to each other, and a rule that we must laugh every single day, we have become not only partners in life but also best friends. As always, he stands unwavering by my side on my continued journey to finding my peace.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#203💘 Part 3 - My Journey - Through the Eyes of the Man who Loves Me💘
I would like every one to meet Jeremy aka: My Hot Husband I am not sure that our story is any bigger or better than anyone else's but it is bigger and better to us. He found me at a time in my life when I was but a shell of who I am now. He gave me the feeling that even if it wasn't with him, there was something better out there for me. I am grateful everyday for this man and thankful that God sent him to me when there was no happiness, no laughter, and no direction in my life. I had given up on the hope that my future would be any different than my past and present, and then there he was my glimmer of hope. He loves me inspite of my past situation, my perceptions, and my insecurities. He has supported me in becoming the person I am today and helped me see that I am perfect in the eyes of the heart that was meant to love me. In this 4 part series my husband and I share our perspectives on the experiences, struggles, disappointments, joys, and realities that came with our relationship. With commitment to our love, dedication to each other, and a rule that we must laugh every single day, we have become not only partners in life but also best friends. As always, he stands unwavering by my side on my continued journey to finding my peace.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#202 💘 Part 2- My Journey - Through the Eyes of the Man who Loves Me💘
I would like every one to meet Jeremy aka: My Hot Husband I am not sure that our story is any bigger or better than anyone else's but it is bigger and better to us. He found me at a time in my life when I was but a shell of who I am now. He gave me the feeling that even if it wasn't with him, there was something better out there for me. I am grateful everyday for this man and thankful that God sent him to me when there was no happiness, no laughter, and no direction in my life. I had given up on the hope that my future would be any different than my past and present, and then there he was my glimmer of hope. He loves me inspite of my past situation, my perceptions, and my insecurities. He has supported me in becoming the person I am today and helped me see that I am perfect in the eyes of the heart that was meant to love me. In this 4 part series my husband and I share our perspectives on the experiences, struggles, disappointments, joys, and realities that came with our relationship. With commitment to our love, dedication to each other, and a rule that we must laugh every single day, we have become not only partners in life but also best friends. As always, he stands unwavering by my side on my continued journey to finding my peace.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#201 💘 Part 1 - My Journey - Through the Eyes of the Man who Loves Me💘
I would like every one to meet Jeremy aka: My Hot Husband I am not sure that our story is any bigger or better than anyone else's but it is bigger and better to us. He found me at a time in my life when I was but a shell of who I am now. He gave me the feeling that even if it wasn't with him, there was something better out there for me. I am grateful everyday for this man and thankful that God sent him to me when there was no happiness, no laughter, and no direction in my life. I had given up on the hope that my future would be any different than my past and present, and then there he was my glimmer of hope. He loves me inspite of my past situation, my perceptions, and my insecurities. He has supported me in becoming the person I am today and helped me see that I am perfect in the eyes of the heart that was meant to love me. In this 4 part series my husband and I share our perspectives on the experiences, struggles, disappointments, joys, and realities that came with our relationship. With commitment to our love, dedication to each other, and a rule that we must laugh every single day, we have become not only partners in life but also best friends. As always, he stands unwavering by my side on my continued journey to finding my peace.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
# 208 When the Unexpected Happens - Maranda
Life is about change, we all know that, but we want change that is happy, that moves us forward, that makes us grow. What happens when that change is unexpected and takes us in the opposite direction? How do we deal with that? We spend our time and energy trying to put things in place to welcome the change that is coming, yet sometimes the bottoms falls out from under us leaving us destitute and hopeless. Maranda is a woman of incredible strength. She had overcome, she had worked hard and she had survived, but when her daughter stepped out of her life all her efforts seemed in vain. What was her direction now? For so long loving and caring for her daughter is what she held on to as her life's purpose. With that swept away she had to refocus on herself and her own life. She had to value herself enough to carry on. Heartbreak and sadness covered her yet she has found her way to inner peace. She has become a guardian of her own soul having to accept the things that she can not control.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
# 207 What is it like when you are TRIGGERED?
People talk about triggers, we are aware of triggers, we can understand some of them, but the triggers I am speaking of in this episode are the triggers that we can't seem to get away from. The ones that lay silent for a time and then suddenly turn our lives upside down. I have spent almost 15 years thinking I could "fix" all the negative effects toxic relationships had on me, but through frustration and shame I have had to come to terms with the fact that perhaps not all is "fixable". The acceptance of this was difficult. I felt flawed, broken, and beyond repair for so long that acceptance at first felt like I was giving up, in the end though I did not give up....I LET GO! Letting go is such a relief for me, I don't have to live under the pressure of hoping it doesn't happen or predicting when it may happen again because I know it will and I won't know when. I accept that they are part of me, and rather than denying it, I can move through them rather than fight them.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#206 No more 'Wine-ing'🍷 - with Megan Wilcox
Once she removed from a toxic relationship, a single mother of two young boys found herself coping with the fear, stress, and loneliness with an occasional glass of wine. As the fear and stress continued so did the 'wine-ing' and it was no longer occasional. She found herself into a bottle of wine every night without the ability to control it. At an all time low, hopeless and depressed she begged for help. When no one came to help she helped herself. Helped herself into an online sobriety support group, helped herself into a sobriety class and helped herself into a new career of supporting others who are using alcohol as a way to cope with life. Today, she is working full time as an Alcohol Free Life Coach and Certified Professional Recovery Coach. She is the founder and CEO of SobahSistahs Sobriety, where she supports and empowers women to follow her lead, help themselves, and live a life free from the chains of alcohol. Learn More about SobahSistahs Sobriety here: Email:megan@sobahsistahs.comWebsite:Sobahsistahs - Health Coach, Nutrition, Sober Coachingwww.sobahsistahs.com
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#205 💪🏼From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid - with guest and friend Donavan
#200 Juicy AF with Kay Allison- life without alcohol!
#199 Divorce & Co-parenting Truths with Kate Anthony!
#198 Free Spirited - A Healing Journey
#197 Untangling the Lies we Believed with Chantelle Branch
Ready to learn more? Join me in the "We're INNIT Together Community"
coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
# 196: 5 Things You can do to Protect Yourself
There are many things that I gave up about myself when I was in an unhealthy relationship. If I would have known then what I know now I would have protected myself with all my strength. Instead, I began changing myself to become what someone else needed me to be in order for them to feel safe. I did not see that I was losing everything that was good about myself to prove myself worthy of another's love. I fell victim to what I call toxic identity theft and soon there was nothing about myself that I could even recognize. With that I also gave up my worth, my self acceptance, and my values. Do not let this happen to you, and if it already has start rebuilding today.
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#195: 5 Things We Think Are True...But They Are Not
Those who have been through a toxic relationship will tell you that there were things that they thought were true about the situation, and now looking back with a clear mind realize they are not true at all. The years we spend thinking these are true become a long continual cycle of us not realizing that we keep doing the same thing over and over, thinking maybe this time it will work and the relationship will feel more comfortable. Here are the 5 things that many believe to be true at some point during the course of their unhealthy relationship. See if you have been thinking the same thing..... I know I did!
Have you been looking for a support group? Looking for help making the choices that are best for you? looking for guidance from someone who has been in this exact situation? Needing to make a plan so that the next steps do not feel so frightening? Looking to rediscover yourself after the trauma of a toxic relationship?
The We're INNIT Together Membership Support Community is soooo much more than a support group, so if you are ready to make some changes with the guidance needed to do so, check out the details for the community here:
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#194: 5 Mistakes we Make when Trying to Understand the Confusion
Toxic Relationships are confusing and when we are trying to understand them and learn how to operate within them we often fall into behaviors that we believe will help make the relationship feel better. Many times these behaviors, not knowing they are "mistakes" cause continued confusion and become more and more difficult to remove yourself from. We would never know that we were making mistakes until we can look back on them.
Ready to learn more? Join me in the "We're INNIT Together Community"
https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community
#193: The Pain in Healing
Many are afraid to leave toxic relationships. We have become comfortable because we have learned how to survive within them, but what happens when we leave? When I left, I thought that's all there was to it. When I got into this relationship my life became disastrous and chaotic, so it would make sense that when I leave this relationship things will become less disastrous and less chaotic... Right? I don't think I even realized that there was a healing journey that needed to happen. Boy did I find out quickly that the toxic relationship had changed so much of me that I did not even know where to begin. Yes, there is a healing journey, and yes parts of it are painful, and yes I made it. I'm of course still healing but I am understanding more and more about myself everyday. Don't be afraid of the pain because the person that comes out of it makes it all worth it. We are formed by the things we go through, we are always going through something, and we are always on the journey.
#192: What questions are you asking?
#191: Love Bombing & Hoovering Explained and Compared!
#190: A Transparent Thank you!
Those who have been in toxic relationships will find that they are on a continual path of learning, growing, and self acceptance. I am no different. My January was tough, I am tired of fixing myself, trying harder, and being better. I gave that up this month. Thank you for your patience with me. -Dr Heidi
Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
Go to itsnotnormalitstoxic.com
#189: Emotional Abuse Exposed
Actress Anna Kendrick is quoted in an article by Kaitlin Reilly on 12/29/22 “her partner did not harm her physically, which made her question her perspective on the relationship. In this episode I will expand on emotional abuse, what it actually is, what it looks like, and what it feels like. How do you really know for sure?
Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
Go to itsnotnormalitstoxic.com
#188: End of Year Recap #1 Most Popular Episode of 2022- Conversations with a Toxic Person
Understanding the goal that the toxic person has when having a conversation will help you understand and better manage those 3 hour unproductive conversations that you get looped into with the toxic person? Here’s why!
Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
Go to itsnotnormalitstoxic.com
#187: End of Year Recap #2 Most Popular Episode of 2022-Why do I feel so Sorry for Them?
Big eye opener for the listeners when this episode was published. Understanding why we see things the way we do really helped people make the decisions that they needed to make for them to be free. The BIG question, Why do I feel so sorry for the toxic person in my life? It has kept me trapped, I need to understand!
Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
Go to itsnotnormalitstoxic.com
#186: End of Year Recap #3 Most Popular Episode of 2022-Forward this to Your Support System
Not a surprise that this ranked in the top 3 of 2022. We are all looking for people to understand and to be there for us on our journey but as many know, if someone has not been through it the dynamic as a whole is hard to grasp. This episode is for you to forward to those who are wanting to support you but do not understand the dynamics of a toxic relationship. Educating those who love and support you will equip them to stand stronger beside you.
Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
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#185: 🎄 What do I do about the Kids Christmas events?
Dr. Heidi talks about attending your kids Christmas events...
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#184: 🎄Can I drink when I don’t have my kids?
Dr. Heidi talks about drinking when you don't have your kids..
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#183: 🎄 Do I send a Christmas card?
Dr. Heidi talks about whether or not to get a Christmas card...
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#182: 🎄 Tips for getting through the holidays with a toxic partner
Dr. Heidi shares tips for getting through the holidays with a toxic partner.
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#181: Through the Eyes of a Child
#180: Are there Red Flags in your Finances? -with Tracy Coenen
#179: I am Thankful for what my T-0-X-I-C R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P has Given Me!
Being in a toxic relationship seems like the worst thing ever. Saying that, I agree partially because I would never want to be in another one.... Ever. When I look back, I am extremely Thankful for all that the toxic relationships in my life have done for me. Everything happens just the way it is supposed to. My mom used to say that to me when I was in the depths of the toxic cycle. As it turns out she was 100% right! Thanks mom!
🙋♀️ Want to ask Dr. Heidi a question about your toxic relationship?
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#178: What are you thankful for? -With a Very Special Guest!
Happy Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for? There is so many reasons to be thankful, my guest today is one of the people that I am the most thankful for! Join me and my daughter as we talk about what we are thankful for in this chapter of our lives.
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#177: (Members Only Sneak Peek 💚) This is why Thanksgiving is so hard with a toxic partner
Thanksgiving brings out the worst in our toxic partners.
Here's a helpful explanation of why they act this way, and how you can handle it better.
🙋♀️ Want to ask Dr. Heidi a question about your toxic relationship?
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And for this week only, use code THANKSGIVING22 to get 33% off of membership (only $10 per month)
#176: What was once lost is now found!
Many of us experience toxic relationships but do not realize the truth about them until we can look backwards. We lose so much of who we are trying to fit better within the relationship. Today’s guest tells how she learned to function within it, accept it, and live it, until ….. she understood it. That was the day things changed for her.
Want Dr. Heidi to answer your questions?
Go to itsnotnormalitstoxic.com
#175: This is what Understanding Looks Like - with T'ra
The 4 pillars of my work, as symbolized in the 4 sections of my logo are the foundation to one's journey of healing. Listen as my friend and former client reveals how her EDUCATION on the toxic personality lead to her UNDERSTANDING how she and her life had been affected. This understanding gave her the EMPOWERMENT to move into a place of FREEDOM. Seeing things from a new perspective was all she needed to become clear on what living for herself actually meant. Thank you T'ra for sharing.
🙋♀️ Want your questions answered by Dr. Heidi?
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#174: 💚 How can I learn to make decisions this late in my life? (Members-only FREE preview)
👋 Hey everybody, it's Dr. Heidi.
I get so many questions from followers, and over the years I have answered the same exact question many times over, which can only mean that many of you have the same questions. These were the same questions I had when I was going through it.
I'm also a big believer in learning from others, so I've decided to start answering these questions on my new members-only podcast.
Now, as we know, most toxic people behave very similarly, so hearing the answers to other people's questions and the recommendations that I make for their future could be very helpful for you if you're trying harder to understand your personal situation.
If you'd like to become a member to hear questions answered, you can go to:
toxic.supercast.com and become a member there.
You can also submit questions that you may have. It's only $15 a month.
And in addition to the questions and answers, it's also going to include tips on dealing, and tips on healing. And I, Dr. Heidi, for the first time, am going to be sharing much, much more of my personal journey.
✅ Go to toxic.supercast.com to become a member and submit your questions.
#173: I know I need to love myself more... but where do I start?
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We hear it all the time, "you just need to love yourself more", yet no one gives us an instruction manual on how to do that or how to even begin. Time and energy are worn thin when you are in a toxic environment with all of our attention on others and very little attention on ourselves. Here are 5 things that you can do today to begin the process of loving yourself just a little bit more.
#172: 8 Reasons I Left
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There were many reasons that I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for so many years (see episode “8 Reasons We Stay). Listen now to the 8 reasons that I finally left the toxic relationship of my past. They may sound similar.
#171: From Poker Pro to Divorce Pro
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Join me today with Rob with WTF Divorce. He found that navigating divorce was much more difficult than he thought it would be. He has established a solid following helping many make this journey with the support that they need.
#170: 8 Reasons We Stay
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Why do we stay in unhealthy situations so long? I asked myself that many times. These were some of the reasons that I stayed too long where I didn’t belong. Can you relate?
#169: Mid Year Recap: #1 Most Popular Episode: Back to the Basics
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As always mid year I do a recap of the episode that made the biggest impact on the listeners. Here is the episode that ranks #1 as the most popular episode.
#168: Mid Year Recap: #2 Most Popular Episode: I See Red Flags Everywhere
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As always mid year I do a recap of the episodes that made the biggest impact on the listeners. Sometimes I am surprised at the results. Here is the episode that ranks 2nd in the most popular episode of all time.
#167: Mid Year Recap: #3 Most Popular Episode: Chaos Creators
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As always mid year I do a recap of the episodes that made the biggest impact on listeners. Sometimes I am surprised at the results. Here is the episode that ranks 3rd in the most popular of all time.
#166: But it is My Mother……
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Many struggle with the toxic parent. The guilt, the obligation, the dedication to them giving you life. What do we do when a parent is controlling aspects of your life, our emotions, our outside relationships, and our own view of ourselves? You actually do have permission to choose yourself. You are not punishing them when you do this, you are freeing yourself from the toxicity they have and are bringing into your present life. Listen now how one woman chose herself and her own life over the constant demands of a toxic mother.
#165: Conversations with the Toxic Person: The Circular Trap
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You know those 3 hour unproductive conversations that you get looped into with the toxic person? Here’s why!
#164: When self-care was the only option I had
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Self care expert Suzanne Falter joins us today to share how her life path gave her no other option but to focus on self care. As a business women, toxic relationship survivor, and a loving parent, Suzanne was forced to choose self care when there were no other options. She is now an amazing leader in self care and a mentor to many.
#163: Silver Lining Breakups
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Today my guest Chelsea Leigh Trescott shares her story about how disappointments in her life have lead her to where she is today. A break up coach. There are so many things that we need to “break up” with in our lives, relationships, negative self talk, others opinions, old habits, you name it Chelsea has got the silver linings for you!
#162: The Cloudy Reality of Toxicity and Addiction
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Join me with Lori Paul, a certified Family Recovery Coach, as we unravel how addiction causes much cloudiness within a toxic environment. She is amazing!
#161: Is it? Or isn’t it? The love-bomb letter
Red Flags can be confusing at the beginning of a relationship. Are you questioning some yourself?
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#160: Discovering your true self with Amy Natalie
Amy Natalie is an empowerment coach and embodiment guide for conscious women, spiritual seekers, and feminine leaders. She has inspired thousands of women around the world with her work, centered on reconnecting women with their feminine energy and stepping into their Feminine power. Listen as she tells us how she stepped over fear and doubts to discover her true self and how she has attained the passionate life that she was intended to have.
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#159: Why & How - The Escalation of Abuse
3 years ago I did an episode about how abuse escalates. It was with a dear friend of mine. A self defense instructor, domestic violence advocate, mother, friend, and pillar of strength to many. She allegedly lost her life last fall to the very thing she stood so strongly against. Rest In Peace My Friend. I promise when the time is right I will tell your story to the world.
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#158: Why Do I Feel So Sorry For Them?
The BIG question, Why do I feel so sorry for the toxic person in my life? It has kept me trapped, I need to understand!
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#157: How to Continue to Move Forward when Fears Become Reality
Today’s guest is a survivor of an unhealthy relationship. Listen as she tells her story and how she and her children had to face not only the reality of escaping the environment but also survive the unexpected turn their life would take after that. She is a pillar of strength and although she is still healing there is no doubt that her story will touch many of you close and other of you even closer.
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#156: Hear from those who have found “Strength Within” (Chapter 2)
Another great episode featuring some of the members from our Strength Within community. Hear their stories, their struggles, and their victories. “Strength Within” is a private facebook support group run by Dr Heidi. It is a place where people understand, know how you feel, and can encourage you along the path in and out of a toxic relationship.
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#155: “What is Love?” Happy Valentine’s Day! (Replay episode)
Valentine’s Day is tough for those within unhealthy relationships. Just wanted to remind you what Love is really like. (Originally published 2/16/2020)
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#154: Better Your Boundaries with Wendy Sterling
Boundaries are a tough subject in the lives of those in as well as those recovering from toxic relationship. Join me with Divorce coach Wendy Sterling as we talk about how to become confident in re-establishing your personal boundaries.
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#153: I'm Not There Yet, but I Know I am on my Way!
Today I turned 50. I have never really learned to celebrate ME! Today I will share 50 things that I have learned over the last decade through my healing and journey to self discovery! Healing is hard, it takes energy but looking back over the last 10 years, I finally love who I am!
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#152: Forward this to your Support System- Toxic Relationship Reality
This episode is for you to forward to those who are wanting to support you but do not understand the dynamics of a toxic relationship. Educating those who love and support you will equip them to stand stronger beside you.
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#151: SEX and the Toxic Relationship
Understanding sex is hard but understanding sex within a toxic relationship is even harder. Why is it so good? Why is it so bad? How can it be so good and so bad at the same time? Looking at sex in a toxic relationship is no different than looking at the relationship itself. Are the goals the same, or are the goals of the act different? Relationships are based on the goals of those involved, sex is a part of that. Let's take a closer look!
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#150: Balance? How do I get that?
Life in a toxic relationship will always feel out of balance. We can not focus on ourselves when they demand our time and attention. 2022 is a new start! Give yourself some of your precious time and energy this year instead of giving it all away!
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#149: Navigating the Holiday Co-Parenting Traps!
How one woman has learned to keep her peace on earth even when having to co-parent through the joyous holiday season.
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#148: …and for that, I am Truly Thankful!
Like yours, my life did not go anything like I had planned. In the end, it happened just the way it was supposed to…. And for that, I am Truly Thankful. Happy Thanksgiving to all!
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#147: From Fear to Freedom
Join me with Cristina, a abuse survivor, as she shares how she made the journey from the fear that toxic relationships bring to having freedom in a life all her own.
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#146: Ways to Keep Calm & Carry On!
Can someone just tell me what to do? Many times there are people in our lives who may not be healthy for us yet, we are unable to to fully remove them from out lives. Co-parenting, work relationships, families, and social circles are hard to just walk away from. Here are some ways you can Keep Calm & Carry On in Toxic situations.
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#145: I see Red Flags Everywhere!
When you begin to learn about toxic personalities and the tactics they use, you begin noticing these things everywhere. It makes us wonder if everyone in our life is toxic. Listen now to learn how to decide if those around you or even yourself is using traits in a toxic manner.
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#144: Back to the Basics - What is toxic? What does it look like? How do I know?
Stepping back a bit and heading back to the basics for a while. Many are seeking answers, many have just began the journey, and many are questioning both the relationship as well as themselves. Let's go back to the beginning and simplify things for you. If you are new here, great, if you are a return listener this will be a great reminder and reflection.
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#143: Therapy… Do I? Or Don’t I?
Listen as Dr Heidi speaks with a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist on the pros and cons to going through therapy with a toxic personality.
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#142: The Ups and Downs of Healing with Laura Bligh LMHC
Being in the mental health profession as well as experiencing toxic relationships in her life, Laura talks about the constant steady push to healing. The emotional roller coaster of healing makes many feel defeated. Laura talks about her own journey of healing and how it has transformed both herself and her work.
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#141: Spiritual Ties or Spiritual Lies?
Get a different perspective on the religious and spiritual ties that may be keeping you in a relationship that is not healthy for you. Today's Guest Jerry Wicker, a certified lay minister, understands the importance of keeping the scripture in context when the toxic cycle and abuse is an issue within a relationship.
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#140: Amanda- Her Personal Journey
Listen as she tells us how both addiction and trauma bond played into her personal journey when she found herself in a toxic relationship.
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#139: Time for a Break!
After years of not allowing myself to take breaks, I have learned that I am much better for everyone, when I do. You will be too!
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#138: Chaos Creators
Toxic people are addicted to chaos and drama, Why? When they stir up chaos the attention of others goes to them. When they can demand your attention, time, and energy for their chaotic situation you have no attention, time or energy to put into yourself. They feel power and control when those around them have chaos in their lives.
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#137: Mid Year Recap of one of my most popular episodes!
This episode has made a huge impact on many of my listeners! Hope you enjoy!
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#136: Hear from those who have found "Strength Within"
Hearing from others who are going through the same thing can be an inspiration to us. Knowing we are not alone in this journey is essential in getting the support and encouragement you need as you travel this journey. Listen to others who are going through similar situations and how they have found their Strength Within.
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#135: The Slow Drip of Isolation
Isolation is something we don't always notice until it is too late. Toxic people intentionally isolate you from the people and things that support you the most and bring you fulfillment. Listen to find out why this is so detrimental to our wellbeing and we don't even realize it is happening.
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#134: Meet Matthew Phifer
Today I want to introduce you to Matthew Phifer, another toxic relationship specialist who has reached many through his social media talent. His experience and passion guides his dedication to those who struggle with abuse of many kinds.
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#133: Stocked- a story of healing with Kate Lacroix
Kate Lacroix lives in Boulder, Colorado with her two hilarious daughters runs STOCKED, a pantry-building service that teaches women how to save money on their grocery bill and invest the savings. As a proud dual Canadian-American, she is happy to be working on food and finance solvency issues and her work has taken her everywhere from the Rachael Ray Show to the halls of congress. You can reach her at kontently@gmail.com or @sheisstocked on instagram. Dr. Heidi listeners may sign up for the free or paid subscriber version of her newsletter here. https://stocked.substack.com/
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#132: The Treadmill of Unrealistic Expectations
We are superheroes! We can get anything done! No matter the ask, we got it! Why? We run ourselves ragged for the unrealistic expectations of the toxic personality without even a question. They say it we do it! That is how it has become. Why again? We respond to their needs to avoid conflict, criticism, disapproval and disappointment. Unrealistic Expectations are a form of emotional abuse when used on a continual level within a relationship.
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#131: Guilt the invisible power source.
Guilt is an emotion, guilt can NOT make you do or not do anything, yet guilt seems to have a power that we can’t control. You are actually in control of your own emotion of guilty.
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#130: Self Sabotage? Or is it something else?
Many struggle with the reality of self sabotage after leaving or within an unhealthy relationship. Is it really “self” sabotage or is it possibly “induced” sabotage?
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#129: What are you waiting for?
Stuck in a toxic relationship? Ask yourself why? What is keeping you from making changes? Where do you start? Those and many others answered here! I’m here for you-Dr Heidi
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#128: Why Do I Feel So Lonely?
How is it that we can feel so lonely when we are not alone? Toxic Relationships do not provide the things that bring us support, joy, and companionship and at the same time isolate us from the people and things that do.
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#127: All they need is contact!
We talk about NO Contact, but why is it so hard.... because all the toxic person needs is contact in order to remain feeling in control.
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#126: Dealing with the Shame
We have all felt it, the shame that goes with the toxic relationship experience. How to deal with it and leave it in the past!
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#125: Toxic Relationship Amnesia
What is it that keeps us there? Lots of things, but one of them is because we develop toxic relationship amnesia. Meaning we forget the bad things in order to survive within it!
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#124: Back to back popular episodes!
Why the silent treatment and why is no contact so important?
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#123: A Letter to You-From the Trucker from Down Under!
This man has had quite the journey, he has changed his life by learning how his toxic past has affected him. He wrote this letter for all who are still struggling.
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#122: Does Co-Parenting Even Exist?
Trying to raise children with a Toxic Former Partner? I don’t have all the answers but I can tell you what to expect and suggest a few things that may help!
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#121: Relationships are Work...UUGG
We are told over and over the “relationships are work” but are you working towards the same goal? Because if you are not you are working in vain.
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#120: Forward motion for 2021!
Worried that you are going to spend yet another year in a place that is not healthy for you? Listen now for some tips on how to move forward to a happy healthy you before another year quickly disappears.
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#119: 2020 Year End #1 Most Popular Podcast Replay: Emotional Abuse Fatigue
Are you finding that your health is declining? Living in environments with chronic stress will cause the human body to adapt to keep itself going. Learn what the signs and symptoms are so that you can identify if your toxic situation could be affecting your health at a deeper level than you may realize. Dr Heidi has a full adrenal fatigue recovery program available and has walked many back to a healthy balance after living in emotionally unhealthy situations. Listen Now.
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#118: 2020 Year End 2nd Most Popular Podcast Replay: Trauma Bonding Explained
Listen now to the 2nd most popular podcast of 2020. Why is it so hard to leave, cut off, or distance ourselves from toxic environments? Why is it that the happy free feeling I thought I would have is not there?
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#117: 2020 Year End 3rd Most Popular Podcast Replay! Why can’t I just walk away?
Why does it seem so hard to walk away from those we know are unhealthy for us. Logically it should be easy.... however it is anything but easy.
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#116: Replay! Happy Holiday Season Strikes Again
This is a replay of one of the most popular podcast episodes. The Holiday season brings with it some of the hardest days of the year to those involved with or dealing with people who carry toxic personalities. Listen again to prepare yourself for the upcoming weeks. If you know it is coming and know why it is happening it is not as hard to deal with when the erratic holiday behaviors present themselves.
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#115: Accepting vs Settling
What is the difference between being accepting in a relationship and settling in a relationship? A bit cloudy but there is definitely a difference.
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#114: Why do I keep waiting for just “one more thing”?
Why do we need so much validation that a relationship is not healthy for us? There are many reasons... Listen and see if you can relate.
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#113: Stepping back into the dating world with Kimberly Seltzer
Many of you have asked how to start back to dating again after the toxic teardown. Today on the show we have an expert to give us some forward steps you can take to get yourself back out there. Welcome to Kimberly Seltzer, another woman who has turned her past into her passion by helping others move forward with confidence in their dating lives.
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#112: Why is it so hard to find Peace?
It should be simple right? Why do we not feel the peace we expect waiting for us after leaving a toxic environment?
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#111: With Friends like These...
Toxic relationships are not only found in intimate settings. Friendships are relationships too and many of them are not what you think they are.
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#110: Are they in-laws or out-laws?
Married into the bliss of a toxic family? Every family had different dynamics but maybe just maybe you can get some tips.
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#109: Why didn’t I see it coming?
How did I end up here? It seemed to be good in the beginning, or at least seemed like something that had the potential to get better. Now here I am wondering how I got here.
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#108: You Asked!
Answers to questions that have been submitted by listeners and support group members.
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#107: I Dedicate this episode to......
To be the person that I needed when I was going through it is my mission. I dedicate this episode to the person in my life who did that for me. I Love You!
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#106: Toxic Identity Theft
Toxic People are identity thieves. The less you are in tune with yourself the easier it is for them to remain in control
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#105: Trauma Bonding Explained
Why is it so hard to move forward once we leave, cut off, or distance ourselves from toxic environments. Why is it that the happy free feeling I thought I would have is not there?
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#104: Life beyond Illness and Trauma
Join me and my guest Lesley, Host of the Mighty Talks Podcast, as she talks about her recover from life trauma and a chronic illness. She talks about the strength she gained as she turned her healing into a mission to help others.
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#103: Our Trucker from Down Under
Join me and my guest who has not only disconnected from the toxic people in his life but also found the strength and motivation to change his whole perspective on how he lives his life. He is now in the driver’s seat! He is free!
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#102: Emotional Abuse Fatigue
Are you having symptoms of emotional abuse fatigue/adrenal fatigue? Listen now to hear the symptoms that you may be having that are caused by living in the chronic stress of a toxic relationship.
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#101: I cut them off!!! NOW WHAT?
This is dedicated to a listener who has had to go no contact with her mother. She is struggling on how to deal with it moving forward as it is still causing her to struggle with her past.
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#100: The Words That Come Out of Their Mouths
We are emotional beings, we want to believe what others say. Be aware that toxic people say and do whatever they need, to get what they need, when they need it.
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#99: “Taylor Made”
Listen as Dr Heidi visits with her first ever Toxic Relationship Client. Taylor was a huge inspiration and validation that I move forward with this work. Thank you Taylor for Sharing your Story.
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#98: How can it go from so good to so bad so fast?
We call it moody but this is a whole different type of moody. How can they be nice one minute, then awful, and the next day nice again.
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#97: Why are we so resistant to change?
CHANGE! YIKES!! Who doesnt like the thought of change? If so why are we so resistant to actually making it?
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#96: Is Blood Really Thicker Than Water?
Raised to feel that you have to be loyal to those who have mistreated you? Is Blood Really Thicker than Water?
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#95: Something about Security
How security and insecurities play a role in relationships.
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#94: Confusion Infusion
How and why does it go from so good to so bad so fast?
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#93: How did I do It?
I get asked all the time how I did it. How I was able to leave, heal, and move forward? Truth be told....... I don’t truly know, all I know is that I did not stop.
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#92: What about you?
We spend much time looking at the toxic people in our lives wondering if they are really toxic or not. This episode lets look at you and how toxic prat is of others may be or have affected you, how you feel, how you act, how you see yourself.
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#91: High Conflict During Pandemic
Are you experiencing higher than normal conflict with your toxic person. There is a reason for that. The situation in the world is out of everyone’s control including the toxic people. They need control to feel secure so if you are one that is feeling the increase in the heat...... here is why.
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#90: Why can’t I just walk away?
Trauma Bonding explained and why it is so hard to understand the difficulty in leaving unhealthy situations.
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#89: Quarantined with Toxic?
This state of national emergency has my heart going out to those who are in toxic situations. This is going to be a tough couple weeks. You can do it!
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#88: Are you a stick fetcher?
We are trained by repetition and reprimand to accommodate to the toxic personalities needs. How do we untrained?
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#87: What is “LOVE”
Put the cloudy thoughts away and put LOVE into perspective.
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#86: She is making her own music now!
How one determined person persists in her struggle to understand toxicity in relationships and in the importance of finding and living for oneself.
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#85: What can we NOT control!
Pop up Podcast with Dr Heidi talking off the cuff and answering listeners questions.
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#84: Turning Past into Passion-all types of toxic.
My guest today has a podcast of his own, he is an ever growing dream of leadership and direction, but he also has experience with toxicity in many areas of his both business and personal life.
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#83: Are your spiritual or religious beliefs keeping you trapped?
Join us for a look into the religious/spiritual angle of riding your life of those who are unhealthy for you.
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#82: Part 2 JUMP into the NEW YEAR
What is your life satisfaction rating?
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#81: JUMP into the NEW YEAR!
What do you want your life to look like 366 days from now. How do you move forward when you feel so stuck? Episode #1 using your strength to move you forward!
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#80: Yep it is the Joyful Holiday Season again!
Why is it that what are supposed to be the happiest of times end up being some of the worst memories we have. How is it that every holiday season ends up in disappointment? There is a reason that toxic people and holidays do not mix.
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#79: Listeners Question: Am I ever going to “heal”?
When will this what seems to be a struggle end? I feel like I have served my time!!! Truth is you are on a journey and you have already been healing. You have already survived everyday that you thought you wouldn’t . You are already moving and growing!
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#78: Listener question: What do I do when they are not “doing well”?
When you hear or see that the are not doing well, out of control, or reckless, what is your responsibility.?
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#77: Listener question: Why is it that I feel like the toxic one?
There are many reasons that you ma be feeling like you are the one who is bringing toxic traits to the relationship. We are all capable of being toxic but we are not all “toxic”
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#76: A few tips on dealing with the toxic coworker.
Dr Heidi featured in Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/stephanieburns/2019/10/17/4-tips-to-handle-toxic-co-workers#639c65774960
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#75: “Love Yourself More”... what does that even mean?
We hear it all the time, “you really need to love yourself more” ..... easy to say hard concept to grasp. Let’s talk about ways you may not be owing yourself so you have a place to start!
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#74: Why the Silent Treatment?
Many experience the silent treatment when they are in unhealthy environments. What does it mean and why does it happen?
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#73: Why “No Contact”?
Many wonder why no contact is so important when removing yourself from a toxic situation. Here are a few of the reasons why I stress the importance of the concept.
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#72: And the award goes to....
Triggers pop up at the most inconvenient times.
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#71: I Remember....
I have been blessed to help others through the fire of toxic relationships, in doing so I am coming from a place of understanding. Why because I was there and I remember..
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#70: Nothing feels as good as letting go.
Your letting go you are to loosing, you are not giving up and you are not weak. Let go!
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#69: Who were you before someone else told you who you should be?
The only person you are destined to become is the person that “you” decide to be!
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#68: Am I “In Love”?
Why do I feel like I am “in love” with someone that I know is not good for me?
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#67: Change and the fear that goes with it
Making changes in life is exciting but I found that changes in my life were also very scary. Why do we resist change.... usually the fear factor!
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#66: Changes in your social circles?
How to digest the changes in the social circles and friends when leaving a toxic environment.
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#65: Dr Heidi is winging this one....Surprise!
Today I am talking off the cuff. I felt the need to let out whatever decided to come our today! Not to bad! Let me know what you think!!!!
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#64: Standing Strong....
Dr Heidi and her ideas ....
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#63: Toxic does not discriminate...
Today you will here from Joe, a male who has stepped out of his past of repetitive unhealthy environments and into healing himself by discovering who he was really meant to be. Toxic relationships do not discriminate and Joe has made it his mission is to take a stand for the males who may be struggling in this area.
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#62: How to process the”feelings”...
There are so many feelings to processs when leaving a toxic environment it can become overwhelming. How and why we have them!
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#61: Your time starts tomorrow! 13 minute challenge!
taking care of ourselves goes by the wayside when we are involved with toxic people. It is easier to put ourselves last on the list than to have conflict of fight for ourselves.
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#60: How do I do this?
Removing yourself from a Toxic environment is easier said than done. We all know that there are people around us who do not understand, they just don’t get it! I do!!! I was there. Looking back on my journey to freedom....Wow is would not want to do it again but what I have learned and knowing who I am now makes it total worth it!
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#59: Toxic Love!
How does someone who says they “love” me treat me this way? Toxic people do not love the way we do.... the end!
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#58: Cheater, Cheater....
Have you felt the pain, the panic, the numbness after learning of infidelity in your relationship? Remember toxic people get what they need at the expense of others.
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#57: What is it about $$$...???
Intertwined in the many types of abuse is the control and often withholding of the financial resources. Why is this apparent in most all types of abuse? Control!!!
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#56: The Common Threads in Toxicity...
Toxic relationship in our lives can be with things other than people. The guest on todays podcast can tell you why. Addictions of any type are toxic relationships in hiding.
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#55: The Devastation of Betrayal
Have you been betrayed with no way to recover? Betrayal is devastating because it can only happen with someone you trust. What now?
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#54: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...
Oh the dreaded decisions, who want to be the one to make a decision? Not me! It is easier to allow others to make them for me so I don’t have to worry that it is the wrong one. Making decisions is a part of life, it gives you independence. Toxic people steal your decision making ability as a form of control. Take it back.
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#53: To the Mothers.........
Mother’s Day... Ugg.... is it Happy?
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#52: What to expect to feel when leaving a toxic situation.
Everyone is different but many struggle with the aftermath of leaving a toxic situation. Learn a few tips that a may help you through the transition.
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#51: Quick relationship check....
IF you have been feeling that “something is wrong” or “something is not right” here is a quick relationship scan that may get you to thinking about your situation.
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#50: She’s got this.....
Join me and my guest for an encouraging perspective of healing from a toxic relationship and how at a young age she was able to see clearly the damage it was causing.
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#49: Survivor Island....
This episode features a group of those just getting ready to finish up the group coaching program here at Coaching with Dr Heidi.... you should have seen the transition that I was able to see between the first class and today. They know now that if someone is not healthy for you, you are allowed to vote them off your island.
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#48: What will people think if...?
Are you listing reasons or making excuses. There is a fine line between the two.
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#47: Run towards the Roar
What are we running from? Recap of the 2019 It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic Conference. What a perfect group of people!!!!
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#46: How abuse Escalates....
How is it that abuse grows within a personal relationship? Join us to understand what is truly violent and abusive behavior.
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#45: Then & Now
Walk through a journey with someone who knows how difficult the struggle is to move on from what is “normal” to what is truly normal.
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#44: Do you miss Laughing? I did...
Laughing is the best medicine.....
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#43: Looking in the Mirror!
Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Who would you like to see?
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#42: Triggers......UUUGGG Can You Please Go Away?
Triggers!!! Yuck... How do we get rid, over, around and through them?
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#41: What if I am lonely?
Being lonely is a fear that keeps many in and causes many to go back to toxic relationships. Why is it so scary?
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#40: Made me tear up!!!
Surprise testimonial!
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#39: Coparent? Ha... That’s a good one!
Join me in an interview with a client that has great insight on what to expect while raising children with a Toxic person!
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#38: The Effects of Living in Chronic Stress
Your body is adaptable and just like adapting to a stinky room your body adapts to stressful situations which make them seem not so stressful. Why because they become normal to us. What effects on your health may be from living in a chronically stressful environment?
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#37: The SMMEEAARRR Campaign
What to expect when finding yourself in the middle of a smear campaign and what you should do about it.
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#36: Let’s Talk about you...
Last week when Melissa and Angela asked me questions that made me think about myself I realized how much we don think about ourselves. This is a fun interactive podcast to get you thinking about yourself and your life. Have fun!
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#35: An Interview with Dr. Heidi
Many have asked to know a little bit more about Dr Heidi so here your go! Melissa and I (Angela) cornered her for an interview.
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#34: Learn the Lingo
Have you done research on toxic relationships, emotional abuse and narcissistic behavior and found that you had to then do research on words and phrases within your research? It is VOCAB time!!!
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#33: What’s with the LOGO?
My logo is a representation of the 4 steps that I moved through in my own healing process. It is also the 4 steps that program presents.
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#32: 2018 you made it, 2019 watch out!
Thinking about you and your life goals, values and dreams is not easy when you are in a toxic relationship. Let’s start building you from the inside out!
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#31: Live recording of Ho Ho Hopeful Webinar
This is the live recording of the HO HO Hopeful Webinar if you were not able to attend. Long awaited Announcement Revealed!!!
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#30: Free Webinar- Ho Ho Hopeful surviving the holidays with a toxic person
to Register Www.Coachingwithdrheidi.com/hopeful
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#29: Listener’s question
Should I call the toxic person out on being toxic? What do I do about the anger I have? Are the toxic people in my life aware they are this way?
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#28: What I am grateful for....
Looking back there are so many things that I am grateful for that may not make a whole lot of sense to others. I am grateful for everything that my past has lead me through. As it turns out the years I thought I was struggling I was actually in training to help others experience in the same or similar situations. I am grateful for the listeners who have shared my podcast with others who are struggling to heal and remove form toxic relationships.
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#27: “Hijacked” Hear what others have to say.
Hear what others have to say! Hi this is Angela, Dr. Heidi’s administrative assistant/general badass. I hijacked the podcast platform today because I think you all need to hear some of what Dr Heidi’s clients are saying about the work she does and her dedication to it. She is actually quite amazing!
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#26: Parental Obligation
Welcome back Melissa! Your questions about obligation and guilt answered here.
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#25: Control... and why am I feeling so out of it?
How do we decide what is in our control and let go of what is not?
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#24: What is it that Really Scares you?
Why do we stay in an environment that is unhealthy for us?
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#23: What does Healthy Look Like
Toxic relationships warp our sense of what a healthy relationship may look like, listen to get an idea of how it may be different than one that is not healthy for you.
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#22: Country Roads Take Me Home
Improve with Melissa on our way back after visiting her home in Ohio
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#21: Feel the Freedom
Take the feel the Freedom challenge today. Stand in your power
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#20: Meet the Team
Introducing the team at coaching with dr heidi ... we are here for you!
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#19: Deflection
Are you too sensitive?
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#18: Instagram Reflection
A stroll down Instagram lane
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#17: Peace is Possible
My guest Dr Morgan
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#16: Love Bombing
To good to be true?
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#15: What to Expect
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#14: Decisions
Easier Said than done.
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#13: A little about HOOVERING
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#12: Kids?!?!
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#11: Inner Peace Happy Father’s Day!
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#10: Please tell me I am not crazy
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#9: Am I just sensitive?
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#8: Tension
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#7: Criticism
Criticism
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#6: Refocus
New beginnings: Education & Self Discovery
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#5: Forgive??
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#4: Public vs Private
Why do they act nice in public and mean at home?
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#3: How to deal with lying
They make me doubt myself, how do I deal with that?
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#2: Are they toxic or not?
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#1: Dr. Heidi's Intro
Welcome to It's Not Normal, It's Toxic with Dr. Heidi.
If you have a question for Dr. Heidi, you can ask at:
toxic.supercast.com