Big Book Awakening

In episode #86, Arline discovered how selfish she was in her last relationship after writing her sex inventory during the Big Book Awakening workshop. After a year in recovery, her "Sex Ideal" just came, and she was able to write it down.

In episode #85, Oliver shares how Alcoholics Anonymous was the end of the line for him. He was desperate. He needed a solution. "I was afraid of everything. I was so anxious. Fear is what drove my life. The frustrating thing was that "I did not know what I was afraid of until" Oliver went through the twelve-step program, the Big Book Awakening Way.

In episode #84, Christine shares for the first time the truth about her addiction to other things besides alcohol. "I was that girl always on the outside looking in. I never, ever, ever fit it. I never belonged."

In episode #83, Mary L. shares her breakdown of how she goes through a Step Four Resentment Inventory Worksheet. She starts the process by writing on paper: "I'm resentful at? Why am I angry?" Mary writes it all down and keeps writing until she's done. When you are doing your inventory, it is a constructive exercise. You want to be good to yourself.

In episode #82, Michael K. shares how the resentments (grudge list)we hold on to destroy us more than anything else. From these resentments stem all forms of spiritual disease. Many of our mental health issues and physical ailments can get sorted out with help from a doctor and twelve steps work.

In episode #80, Bill R. shares how his father started drinking hard when he was nine. During his alcoholic rage, his father took it out on him. That's when fear reared its ugly head in his life, and Bill lived in fear for a long time. Drugs and alcohol distracted him from the fear. "If I was enjoying my drinking, I was not controlling it. And I was out of control for many years."

In episode #79, Pat A. shares how he had a problem with God in the past. "It's not that way today. And that's a message of joy and hope." So what's playing God? If I am going to tell you how it is, I am playing God because I am not satisfied with what is here. If I am afraid of God? I am living my life based on a thought.

In episode #78, Keith shares how he stepped in the door for twelve years and right into step four, skipping one, two, and three. Keith shares how one of his sponsees did not believe in anything. One day the sponsee said: "I just wish my grandmother was here." So Keith suggested why don't you make your Grandma your higher power? The sponsee has ten years sober today just because he did not want to let his grandma down.

In Episode #77, Jason confesses, "I have never been able to be honest with people. I've always been concerned about what you thought about me." He continues: "Through reliance on God and the steps in this program, I've come to this place where I can honestly say I am grasping and developing a manner of living. And it's painful at a time."

In episode #76, Andrew shares how he always struggled with self-esteem and confidence. King Alcohol was his buddy. Today, God has a more central place in his life. 

In episode #75, Oliver shares how he came to Alcoholics Anonymous because he was beaten down by life. "I was really arrogant and really high. Until I lost everything. Drugs didn't work anymore." Oliver was hopeless. "Finding God has been the hardest battle of my life." 

In episode #74, Arline L. shares that in the middle of darkness, she heard "Start with you." What does that even mean? Soon after, she attended her first Big Book Awakening meeting in March 2022. Arline was resistant to faith until she believed everything would be turned around. "I really have to believe to see it later."

In episode #73, David M. Shares how the first Big Book he got was in 1987, but he never read it. David hit bottom in September 2017 after smashing into two cars on his way home. The driver of the second car asked him if he was drunk. He said yes. She said to go straight home and get sober. 

In episode #72, Jose G. shares how for the first five years of sobriety, his higher power was a door knob, and he was like a dry drunk. Then one day, a man at a twelve-step meeting invited Jose to Church. So Jose and his wife went to church. After three visits to Vineyard Church, he met with Pastor Charlie Brown and shared his story. After that meeting, his life was never the same because he gave his life to God. His life was transformed. And three months later, his wife decided to be with someone else. 

In episode #71, Tom B. shares how a cat named Delilah got him sober. It was his wife's beautiful cat. One evening he got so drunk that he told his wife: "I am going to get my .22 and send that cat to God. I hear God calling you too." Next thing he members were three angles dressed in blue uniforms pulling him out of his bed and taking him down to jail.

In episode #70, Isaac shares how he was not a daily drinker like his sponsor. "I loved to binge on the weekend," Isaac questioned if he was an alcoholic because he didn't have the same story as others. Isaac believed he could set the drinking down after meeting his wife. Unfortunately, it didn't work like that. After a series of consequences from drinking, Isaac started asking himself: Why do I drink like this? Why do I do this? Why can't I drink like other people?

In episode 69, Michael shares Step 1: The Physical Craving. "What happens after I put a drink or drug into my body. Nothing to do with the 'Mental Obsession'. The physical craving, or 'the allergy' after I start drinking or using."

In episode #68, Vinny shares how not everyone is desperate. But in his own personal experience: "I can only help people that are desperate." Not everyone is willing to do what it takes to get sober, and stay sober forever.

In episode #67, Jose shares how drugs and alcohol took away his fears until he lost all hope. Then one day he asked for help and found refuge at the Salvation Army. 

In episode #66, Nancy H. shares how she had late-onset alcoholism. "It took me a full year to concede to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic." As soon as she quit drinking an eating disorder took off. The surrender to give up sugar was so much harder. "I see the evidence of my God working in my life."

In episode #65, Pat T. shares how sooner or later his sponsees ask...How do you get an intimate relationship with God? "I find that when you don't make God strange and you make him familiar like he were a best friend...people start warming up to the idea that they too can have a relationship with Him."

In episode #64, Brian S. shares how working with others requires meditation. Meditation in step 11 is a vital part of his life today. "Through the steps is how I gained access to a power greater than myself. It's kept me alive, sober, and restored me to sanity." In 2009, Brian was introduced to the Big Book Awakening, which opened up a new world for him after ten years in AA.

In episode #63, Jose G. shares how for many years he's always what's the difference between being happy and being joyful. And he never really got an answer until he began to experience what the difference is. Jose shares how freedom comes when we show up. "The freedom comes from coming here."

In episode #62, Luis shares how he hit bottom after he lost faith in his ability to fix his life and solve his drinking problem. "I reached the end of myself and realized I cannot do it by myself. Today, my faith is rooted in God's promises and what He has done in my life."

In episode #61, David M. shares how without Big Book Awakening "I never thought I would give up alcohol. Something in my mind was telling me you can't give up alcohol." In Step Six, David found the willingness to give up all his difficulties, resentments, and nightmares to God because he was a changed man.

In episode #60, Keith shares how he was taught by his dad that you drink when you celebrate; you drink when you are down; you drink when it's Christmas; no matter what it was that is what you did. "There are a lot of people in this that crave alcohol. And there are a lot of us that crave relief. I wanted to get relief from the stress of being an eighteen-year-old running the household."

In episode #59, Arline shares how she's always known that she was an alcoholic but didn't understand or see that her life was unmanageable.  "Because I continued to work and provide and keep everything afloat, I didn't feel I was unmanageable."

In episode #58, Adam M. shares the reason he picked "Constantly as the topic was because: "I am trying to myself that I need to work this program constantly." I really try to stay consistently consistent with my relationship with my higher power."As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” –Alcoholics Anonymous (p. 88)

In episode #57, Oliver shares his favorite topic in the Big Book of AA: "There's a solution." Because today he is seeking a solution to live (not to quit drinking, but to live). "I had to exhaust everything I thought would make me healthy before I could accept this program."

In episode #56, Luis L. shares how he didn't know the word "Spirituality" when he first arrived to the twelve step rooms. But he soon discovered he was spiritually bankrupt. "I was a subject of King Alcohol, swept up in his mad realm." But just as A.A. promised, "my circumstances have steadily improved as my spiritual life grows and matures."

In episode #55, Mer shares growing up in the Church she thought her relationship with God was not the problem. After enough pain, Mer went through the twelve steps program of recovery and realized that she had a problem with God. "I didn't trust God because I didn't have a connection with my dad."

In Episode #54, Mary shares how "The more I fought the more things were not going my way. The more things were crumbling all around me." Acceptance is the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. "In any twelve-step program, you get the results with the action." 

In episode #53, Shauna shares how in her alcoholism she was hopeless. The "Spiritual Malady" started really young for her. Growing up she never had one close friend because she couldn't let people see what was happening in her life. 

In episode #52, Matt H. Shares how growing up he felt alone and not good enough. Then he had his first beer and that feeling went away. "I could not live life on life's terms." Drugs and alcohol worked for years until they didn't. I didn't have a connection with a higher power. "I felt so alone. I felt so alone. I couldn't talk to anyone." I was so desperate and had no way of fixing myself. "I thought if I could not fix myself like I couldn't get fixed."

In episode #51, Mike shares how he hit a spiritual bottom after relapsing and thought: "this is not you, Mike." On August 1, 2021, Mike returned and started going through the Twelve Steps program of recovery the "Big Book Awakening" way. In this podcast, he shares a few passages from Chapter 5 - How It Works, and Step Three.

In episode #50, Megan shares how nothing has been more impactful on her spiritual growth than Step 11. On awakening, her first thought is "God direct my life."

In episode #49, Michelle N. shares the miracles that have happened in her life since getting sober, working this program of recovery through Big Book Awakening, by taking statements in the Big Book and turning them into questions.

In episode #48, Luis L. shares how when he got here he was "like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others." Saved by the grace of God, Luis was able to recover from alcoholism. Over time, God would heal his heart and he would learn how to extend grace to others, one day at a time.

In episode #47, Mike H. raises the question: "Is a belief and a faith in God enough for me to recover?" Because when he got here he had a really big problem with God. Mike shares there's one really important detail in whether we want to recover from Alcoholism. "Am I willing to do the work in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous because God blesses work not words."

 In episode 46, Jose G. AKA "Pastor Jose" reminds us that we need God's "protection and care" because the journey ahead is going to be rough. "Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help, it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!" 

In episode #45, Chad shares his personal struggle with powerlessness over alcohol, mental obsession of controlling his drinking, a lot of trial and error (relapses), and the insidious insanity of that first drink. "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

In episode #44, Doni travels via plane from Missouri to California to participate in her first "live" Big Book Awakening meeting. Doni shares details of how God has shown up in her adventure to California. "I cease fighting anything or anyone...because God has my back."

In episode #43, Natasha and Rafael share their experience, strength, and hope with the group. "What it was like; What happened; What's like now."

In episode #42, Luis L. shares how when he arrived to the 12 step meetings he had a desperate desire to control his drinking but was powerless. As a result of going through the Big Book Awakening, a shift happened and he developed "the honest desire to let God take us to better things."

"I love life and life loves me." In episode #41, Renzo shares how he relapsed after two years... despite all his "relapse prevention plans". On his way to a meeting, he prays and asks God: "How can I become a drug counselor if I just relapsed? Show me what I need to do. How can I improve my sobriety?"

In episode #40, Kornelia shares how when thoughts of drinking come, there is absolutely nothing besides God that stands between her and the drink. Kornelia says: "Its grace. I received this for nothing."

In Episode #39, Pat B. shares how once he believed alcoholism is an illness then he was able to have a deep and effective spiritual experience.

In episode #38, Jessica shares how growing up the child of two alcoholics, she felt at home in a bar. And home is something I've always searched for. When she had her first drink, she experienced a non-normal reaction.

In episode #37, Jenice shares how: "It was really hard for me at nearly sixteen years without a drink, suicidal most times, because I didn't have a solution. I didn't want a solution because I didn't believe I was an alcoholic."

In episode #36, Luis shares the vision behind the Eastlake BBA Monday Night Meeting and how "there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful."

In episode #35, Nati shares her experience growing up the child of an alcoholic and later if life, accepting an invitation to a 12-step recovering meeting. "It wasn't until my very late adult life that I really started to see the power of God working in my life." 

In episode #34, Michael K. reads a portion from "Winner Takes All" story. "I have already told you about some of the miracles that have happened. However, there’s more. I want to tell you how I feel inside. I am no longer spiritually bankrupt. It’s as if I have a magic source in my life that has provided me with all I need. I just celebrated my twelfth year of sobriety a couple of months ago. When I first came to A.A., I didn’t know who I was. My sponsor said, “Great—if you don’t know who you are, you can become whomever God wants you to be.” –Alcoholics Anonymous (p. 381)

In episode #33, Captain Brad shares his favorite line from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous: "We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

In episode 32, Janice shares how at her first Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meeting they talked about God and she "could not believe that.". As soon the meeting was done she darted out and a woman touched her arm and said: "Use another word."

In episode 31 - Luis shares how he asked God for a topic to share on. While he was waiting on God to direct his thinking, he came across the Twelve Gifts of Life Recovery and The Twelve Laws of Life Recovery.

In episode #30, Isaac shares how he was raised in a cult and his whole family struggles with alcoholism. He reached the jumping-off point where he can't imagine life with alcohol or without it. "I came into the rooms and was ready to try something. And the people that I saw here were happy and free. Had something that I wanted.

In episode #29, Kristian shares his experience with practicing Step Ten on a daily basis and staying connected to his Higher Power. "Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.”

In episode #28, Michael K. reminds us of Dan Sherman's final suggestion: "Continue to read and consider the Big Book through p. 164 looking at your experience and for instruction. Continue to ask God for guidance in practicing theses Principles you've experienced in all your affairs."

In episode #27, Jennifer shares how her life changed when she decided to turn her will and life to God. "I manipulated everybody to get what I wanted. And it was always kind of justified. I was running on self-propulsion. And that is what I had done my entire life."

In episode #26, Andres shares: "I've been clean for six months. Just coming to one meeting and being consistent with one meeting makes me feel like part of a network, with like-minded people, that are all looking for the same thing. And that gives me strength and hope."

In episode #25, Luis L. shares his experience with FEAR, self-reliance, and spending time with our Higher Power. "I had to let go of this routine that served me so well before and be present to where I was in the moment," Luis shares.

In episode #24, Jose G. shares how the biggest struggle that he's had in sobriety... is being in a relationship with a "Higher Power". In the beginning, it was the group. One year sober, Jose picked a doorknob to be his higher power. "I believe that doorknob for 5 years led to me to God. Nothing was wasted."

In episode #23, Oliver shares how something in the chapter "A Vision for You" really struck him. "My vision for my life has always been very limited. But the vision I got from reading this chapter is this...I've been given this great fellowship. My true brothers are here in this room. The people that I truly love, the people that truly know me are here."

In episode #22, Jared shares his experience with Step Twelve and twelve-step work. He reminds us how the whole concept and substance of the twelfth step is talked about pretty much throughout the whole book. "My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me."

In episode #21, Vinny shares how he had a change of heart that is just not the norm for him. He shares his experience with a neighbor who is living in chaos for the past six months. "I lost my crap. And then I started to go into prayer. Not prayer for me. Prayer for honest and earnestly praying for her...the lady above and her kids."

In episode #20, Catherine shares how when she was in codependent addiction: "I could see the problem with my behaviors but could not see what was objectionable about the underlying fears."

In episode #19, Oliver S. reads a portion from the book and then shares how he experienced God after doing the fifth step. In his experience, you want to pick a sponsor with who you truly identify. Connection and compassion are qualities you want from the person you read your fifth step to.

In episode #18, Jason shares on June 12, 2018, he surrendered his alcoholism and has not had a drink since. But he stands here tonight about 95 days sober. "The problem with pills and weed is... they're sneaky."

In episode #17, Vanessa P. shares her experience with doing Step Four: Sex Inventory and Sex Ideal. "If you are using people, using sex, love, and relationships for any reason, you are still using. You're intoxicating yourself with the drama and the chaos. You are still being selfish in this way." Vanessa also shares her experience with making amends to her ex-boyfriend who recognized her drinking was out of control and suggested she get help.

In episode #16, Michael shares on fear, resentment inventory, and the fear grid. "If you are new and wondering why we are talking about FEAR when I just came here to stop drinking and using. Once I put the drink and drug the anxiety mostly is what came up first. And even after the anxiety was cleared away and kind of settled down, I look at how I am driven by hundred-forms of fear. And things consistently get worse when I am driven by fear."

In episode #15, Janet reflects on a statement from her early days in recovery back in Australia that read: "The depth of your anxiety is a measure of your distance from God." Janet thinks to herself: I've always been anxious. Does that means I've always been a long way from God?

In episode #14, Eric shares how used to like to drink at a bar and tell people about his problems. Then he started drinking at home and things got worse. So when he arrived to the Meetings, all he wanted to do was stay sober for six months, get a divorce and win custody of his kids. But then he changed his mind and started his journey through the Twelve Steps.

In episode #13, Karla shares how from a young age she didn't feel like she fit in this world. As an adult she became successful and still had a feeling of emptiness. Her life was a mess and then one day her psychologist of many years suggested she go to a twelve step meeting. This was his suggestion after $25,000 of therapy.

In episode #12, Jose shares how he believes Step Three is the basis to the beginning of the process of recovery. "What Step Three asks us to do is to make a decision. And that's all it's asking us to do. And a lot of us I think pretty much complicate it. I didn't have the understanding of Step Three really until maybe close to ten years ago. And I began to see one word that changed everything for me."

In episode 11, Oliver shares how the base of this program is first step. "It is a miracle for me to see where I am today and where I was when I first started this program. My spiritual battle is not there anymore. The hardest thing that I've done in AA of all the steps is Step Two."

In episode #10, Vinny shares on Step One: The Spiritual Malady. When I'm in a situation and running on self-will I'm looking over my shoulder like what's the repercussions of this one. They say 52 is the barometer to see my spiritual malady in action. Page 52 in the Big Book of A.A. talks about all the stuff that's on the outside: relationships, depression, anxiety, jobs... But what's really going on is the inside like being stuck in fear. And when do I see that. How do I get to a place to see that? And what can I do to avoid it?

In episode #9, Luis L. shares how he's been fighting his whole life. How his problems were a result of an internal conflict. Luis shares how towards the end of his drinking career he was constantly waking up at 6AM from a total blackout thinking: "there's no way I'm going to this again." And by 6PM he had 100 reasons/excuses to pick up the first drink,  setting off the vicious cycle in motion again. Then one day the "mental obsession" with controlling his drinking lifted and he was free.

In episode #8, Octavio shares how an earthquake shook the ground on Easter and that was the day he stopped drinking. Next, he called a guy and asked him to be his "temporary" sponsor. Octavio's share is followed by participation from the group.

In episode #7, Pat B. shares his experience, strength, and hope from going through the Twelve Steps program of recovery the Big Book Awakening way, focusing on Step One: The Physical Craving. Pat's share is followed by participation from the group.

In episode #6, Ahna shares how her life started all over again after she was invited to a Big Book Awakening (BBA) workshop. Ahna shares how she lost everything in six months because of alcoholism. And after a total surrender, she got sober and was transformed into a trusted mom. Ahna's share is followed by participation from the group.

In episode #5, Pat T. shares how he first started doing the twelve steps the way we do it in Big Book Awakening nearly two decades ago. Pat goes over the first promise of hope found on the cover page of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, including the Circle and Triangle. Pat's share is followed by participation from the group. 

In episode #4, Bill T. shares how he's a recovered drug addict struggling with controller/fixer, chaos creator, Al-Anon stuff in his relationships. Then one day he found hope in Book Awakening meetings on zoom and felt like he had a spiritual reawakening. Bill's share is followed by participation from the group. 

In episode #3, Adam M. shares how taking his first sponsee through the Twelve Steps program of recovery the Big Book Awakening way changed his life. Adam's share is followed by participation from the group.

In episode #2, Michael K. shares his experience, strength, and hope of going through the Twelve Steps program of recovery the Big Book Awakening way. Michael’s share is followed by participation from the group.

In episode #1, Jose G. shares why the smallest stuff we do matters. How it's the tiny stuff that gets us to begin to live a life of freedom, a life of joy, and a life of happiness. Jose's share is followed by participation from the group.