LESSONS IN LIFE

We tend to think that if only we were rich or had much more money, we would need nothing else. But while money helps us to live routine lives without too much anxiety, this other asset is also crucial to our success, especially for making an impact or impressing the people we care about.

Elaine explains why it is so important.

At some point many of us have wondered why some people seem so hateful towards others, and without reason too, especially on social media where users are likely to be strangers. In fact, some people take delight in treating others badly, for the sake of it, when a little bit of kindness and care could go a long way.

Elaine explores roots of this sad situation, putting forward her own reasons for such negative form of behaviour.

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Ageing is inevitable, but the rate at which we age is entirely down to our thoughts and outlook. The most important fact is that we are living longer and longer. If you are only 40 years old now and female, you are likely to live to be the average mortality rate of 83 years. This podcast outlines the key reasons we fear ageing.

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Starting a new romantic relationship tends to be very exciting, like going into a great adventure. But that could be the time to keep a level head; to start to ask yourself some key questions before the relationship progresses too much, and disillusion sets in.

This podcast sets out what needs to be asked.

Many people wake up in the morning doing the same stale routine without even thinking of their world, their blessings or their loved ones, taking their life for granted. This can make each day seem the same, almost a drudgery in some respects. But we can empower our life in simple ways, making it more enjoyable and purposeful. Elaine gives her six of the best approaches to the day.

The values you have, and live by, are stringly connected to your achievements and overall success. But what are values, and where do they come from? can we change our values quickly? This podcast provides some answers to these questions.

We ALL have both flaws and strengths, and that combination is what makes us all unique beings. More important, one person't ‘flaws’ might appear just right to another person who desires them. So is it important to correct your 'flaws' , and how do you do it?

This podcast gives some thoughts on the question.

There are some habits we cling to which do not help us in our objectives, but we depend on those familiar habits and ways of acting so much, we do not often realise that they could be quietly robbing us of what we desire. This podcast looks at what could be causing repeated disappointments.

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Stress is not routinely bad for us. It causes issues only when it constantly affects us; when most of our actions appear stressed, and with little enjoyment in our lives. However, we can keep too much stress away by applying three simple tips in our usual routine. This podcast explains them.

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It is very easy when we have been hurt in a relationship to wish we had not met the person, or to vow not to even go into a relationship again. But that is judging yourself and your life by one incident instead of learning from it and moving on. You might also be tempted to think that not loving anyone else at all would be far better than any hurt you might feel. But is it?

Elaine looks closely at the two options.

Globally divorce rates are rising with no sign of slowing down. But what is causing the increase, and what basic elements help to keep a relationship or marriage intact? Elaine gives some reasons for the recent statistics and basic tips for improved togetherness.

RELATED BOOK: 7 Steps to Finding, and Keeping, ‘The One’

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Living a healthy lifestyle according to this blend of 10 simple activities should make a huge difference to your quality of life, in a wholesome way, while naturally embedding themselves into your daily routine. It means that you wouldn’t be putting yourself into any kind of rigid and monotonous activity schedules.
This podcast lists the 10 steps.

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Research has shown that when it comes to making decisions many people fear the process, because they fear the outcomes, tending to delay their decisions as long as possible. On top of that, emotions tend to overwhelm logic in the process. Additionally, making decisions in afternoon was found to be harder than in the mornings when the body is feeling more alert. This podcast outlines the 6 main reasons we need to make decisions.

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Stress is usually short, sporadic or intermittent, designed to sharpen up our capabilities in coping with life and to improve our resilience. In most cases we do just fine in reacting to it, because a little bit of stress keeps the adrenalin flowing and hones our coping skills. However, it is when stress continues for long periods without being addressed that trouble looms.

This podcast highlights the signs of stress as well as some key remedial actions.

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Your mindset is very important. 'Failing' at anything is no problem. It's when we give up, or refuse to try when things haven't worked for us, that we need to worry. We would not achieve much in the end with such a negative and defeatist mindset. This podcast gives three key habits that maintain your confidence.

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So many people break up with a date/partner, and still feel the urge to contact them, especially if they did not want that break. It can be a really difficult situation if you are missing that person, or feel you shouldn't have broken up. Sometimes it is hard to let go, especially when we believe the person still cares. But should you get in touch, especially if you haven't heard from them? This podcast helps you to decide this very personal dilemma.

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Some people feel very weak and timid, afraid to go after what they desire in life, and even more fearful of interacting with others. In this way, they rob themselves of opportunities, recognition and rewards. 

But there is a primary reason for this timidity, apart from being shy. This lack of confidence is caused by one main reason, and this podcast reveals what it is. 

Are you the type of person who is afraid to fulfil your own needs because you tend to put others above you? To treat them more than human, and to think you are not worthy of them? Do you find it difficult to articulate your own needs, especially to ask someone out? You could find this podcast useful. 

Give yourself the chance to build relationships confidently with the help of this podcast.

If you are the kind of person who starts to worry and fret about a new date, to get anxious about what you are saying or doing, this podcast offers some important tips about how to avoid doing that and simply enjoy the person's company without fear.

Give yourself the chance to build relationships confidently with the help of this podcast.

If we lack personal confidence, how can we build it up? And is there a perfect time to be confident that we need to reach?

This podcast demonstrates the driving forces behind confidence and how they can be developed.

The past often looks better when we lack confidence, and are low in self-esteem, because it allows us to ignore the moving times, and be blind to what we do not wish to see. We hang on to a specific event, a person, or thing, even though they are long gone, either for blame, as a handy crutch for our anxieties, or to prevent us taking action. This podcast explains why some people are often stuck in a past from which they cannot get away.

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Perhaps you have met someone who tells you that they would like to get you know you better. and you are confused as to what they mean, especially if you are not really drawn to them.

You probably wonder whether that is something to make you feel good, or cause you anxiety!

The answer could be in this podcast.

We all have times of boredom caused by relentless routines, nothing wrong with that. The concern comes when that boredom is recurring and regular, leading to low morale and demotivation. What could be the remedy? Elaine uses her own experience to examine the question.

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We all have goals that we desire in life, but should we stick to them doggedly, or change them as we see necessary? This podcast suggests the most suitable approach to personal goals.

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Do you respond to fear of things not working out, or your projects failing, in order to motivate you, or to encouragement in achieving your desires? There is a reason for that, which the podcast explains.

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Can personal confidence originate out of nothing, or does it need to have some foundation to be truly valid? This podcast explains its origins and provides a simple test for your own confidence level.

Do you worry about the imperfection of parts of your body? Don't like what you see in the mirror too much?

This podcast looks at the reason we're not satisfied with ourselves, and ways to remedy it.

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We all worry about putting on weight or being overweight, but if we ;pst that weght wuld we feel much better for it? This podcast gives a viewpoint on it.

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To many people, words are harmless, not as powerful as physical hurt. But words can be even more powerful than physical pain in their impact because we tend to carry them around in our heads far longer. This podcast explains the hidden power of words.

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For many people, being 'dumped', as they perceive it, can be a painful experience because it affects the ego and the self-esteem. So why does it happen, and which is the best way to handle it? This podcast gives an explaination.

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Most of us would be tempted to believe that whenever there is conflict, it generates tension, perhaps anger and frustration, in a unified way for everyone. But certain key factors affect how we deal with conflict, especially through our perception, personality and culture. In essence, each of us has a different tolerance threshold for annoyance or pain, and differing coping mechanisms for dealing with the various obstacles we encounter in our lives.

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Too many people are afraid to ask for what they desire because they are more fearfully focused on a possible rejection than an approval. They remain reticent, dreaming, perhaps envying others, while lacking the skills to put themselves in the frame.

This podcast explains the importance of learning to be being assertive.

How much do you really know YOU? Do you know what jobs you like to do? What might make you annoyed or give you pleasure? Why is all that important?

This podcast explains the main reasons.

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It is often very annoying and frustrating to feel misunderstood by others, despite what you do. So what could be the answer to that?

This podcast explains the basic reason why you might feel misunderstood and what to do about it.

Do you have a date or partner who seems to spend ages on their phone, even when you are with them? That could lead to real problems later on because it does not suggest enough attraction between you to sustain the relationship.

Elaine gives some coping tips.

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You might believe that the way people treat you is entirely dependent on what they think of you. That is true in part. but somethings else about you i what really triggers their reaction. This podcast explains what it is.

Even when some women (and men) actually feel that they are a low option for their lovers, partners, or bosses, that they come last in the diary, the schedule, the job, and the scheme of things, they still hang in there taking the crumbs that fall off the table, instead of being the main bread themselves. Such a situation, where the relationship is clearly imbalanced and one-sided, is not good for either person.

Elaine explains the negative effects in this podcast.

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There are lots of misconceptions about ageing, primarily caused by fear of the process. In fact, six of them are most common, especially the first one that says we have to prepare for being older, and to be afraid of it. But no one has to prepare for ageing, except through financial ways to ensure adequate income later in life, if you stop work, or are earning much less.

This podcast teases out those fears about the inevitable ageing process.

Some people find it hard to be positive, no matter how good their life is. But causes that, and what can be done to change it? This podcast gives 5 useful tips.

Many people use just one incident in their lives to determine what will happen to them in the future. But this assumes that they stop learning when they are hurt and remain in an unchanging situation. Elaine gives a perspective on this.

Most of us cannot cope with disappointments but we gradually develop mechanisms to help us deal with them and move on.However, a few people get stuck at such times, being unable to shake off the negative feeling, and allow themselves to become overwhelmed by it. What makes people change from being positive to negative?

Elaine Sihera explores the reasons.

Can you actually help someone to improve their self-esteem, or is that wishful thinking? To what extent can you make someone feel better about herself simply because you care for her? 

Elaine's podcast looks at the reality of such a situation.

Do you feel comfortable with criticism, especially from those who might be different from you? How do you recognise constructive appraisal?

This podcast gives an insight into this tricky area.

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After some heady dating, are you feeling tired of the date's company, wishing for some breathing space? And is that really normal, or unusual? What do you do when you feel that way?

This podcast answers the question and explains this tricky dilemma.

Do you feel awkward saying 'thank you' or showing gratitude? Some people are even embarrassed by having to do it. But why so we tend to react in this way?

Elaine explains the main reason some people might dread showing gratitude to someone.

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Whatever approach spiritualists profess, it seems there are 10 major elements that indicate a true spiritual being, and this podcast explains them simply.

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Cheating can be such a devastating action for those on the receiving end, but can it really save some relationships rather than predictably breaking them up? Does cheating force some hidden truths to be faced?? This podcast explores this sensitive point.

Some people are very wary of talking about their past relationships, others take their experiences in their stride and do not mind talking abiut them to current partners. Do you find that easy to do, or is there some reluctance? This podcast looks at the difficulty in disclosure.

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Still churning inside at the loss of a relationship?
Feeling wronged by it and can't seem to let it go?
Wishing you were still together with your date or partner, or feeling angry at their actions?
This podcast gives reasons  why holding on to past hurt is very damaging to mental health and some tips on moving forward.

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We all like to think that we are good friends to others? But those expectations between friends can often scupper the best friendships. What does being a 'good friend really mean?
Elaine offers an answer.

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Many people are living quiet lives of desperation, aware that they no longer feel attracted to their partner, or vice versa, yet suffering the neglect and often loneliness at losing their appeal, while pretending all is well. But what is attraction, and how does it work?

This podcast offers a perspective.

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Do you often regret your actions because you were not satisfied with what you did, and wished it was much better? Regret and using hindsight comes easily to us, especially when we lack confidence. But are they useful states?

This podcast looks at the issue.

Do you find it difficult to change your behaviour, especially if others feel you should change certain actions? You're not unique in that because there is a reason we all find it hard to act differently. This podcast explains why.

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Do you feel as though no one wants to date you, or even befriend you? Sometimes it can be your imagination, but there is likely to be some truth in it, though you might not know the reasons. This podcast gives some answers.

Do you normally expect the worst, even though things could go very well? Are you the worrying type that dare not trust yourself to be positive?

What is the reason for that?

This podcast looks at the merits of not being positive.

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How often have you ended dating with someone and then promised each other to be 'friends' afterwards? Is that a good foundation for real friendship, or just to sugar-coat any rejection? Is real friendship possible after any intimacy? This podcast explains why that is a futile hope.

Have you ever been told to 'Get real' when someone doesn't wish to see your point of view, or are trying to convince you of theirs? What does it mean, and is it possible?

This podcast explains the contradictions of this term.

We tend to choose others to share our company for a variety of reasons, but what do our friends and associates say about us? Can we detach ourselves from what their words, actions and beliefs?

This podcast looks at the significance of our friendships.

If we have not modified our outlook and approach in any way, we are the direct products of our childhood. It seems that how we turn out as adults owe much to which type of parenting we experienced. At the beginning, in our very early years, the way we are treated by parents is paramount, and actually affects how we see the world to a remarkable degree because they are the primary socialisers. This podcast briefly explains the four main parental styles.

Many of us might marvel at some couples who seem, outwardly at least, to have little in common, and might wonder what do they see in each other to be drawn together. Are they proof that opposites really attract each other? Or is there something else in the mix?

Elaine's podcast offers a perspective.

Too many of us suffer from low self-esteem, never feeling too good about who we are, and the unique bodies we have; too often being self-critical and negative. But where does that feeling of self loathing or dislike come from?

Elaine goes to the root of the problem in her podcast.

Many people who might be single for a long while, or have had hurtful experiences in relationships, tend to believe they will never find the person they seek because nobody seems to want them, or find them lovable. But the root of that assumption lies much closer to how they view themselves rather than how they are treated.

This podcast explores the main reason for such fearful beliefs.

It happens so often without fail, that it is almost taken for granted: conflict between teen and adult daughters and their mothers over some aspect of their parenting. Sometimes it seems as if mothers (or daughters) can do nothing right, and the pain of such estrangement, that seems to have no end, is often acutely felt by everyone involved; a situation where pride and the ego usually kill relationships.

Elaine talks through the key reasons why daughters sometimes reject their parents.

Do you tend to agonise about going to work, more days than not?

Many people feel alienated from work, while some just don't wish to work at all, but feel guilty about it as it goes against social norms and other people's expectations. But is there anything wrong with deciding not to work at all, especially if the person is not affluent and needs a steady income?

Elaine explores the pros and cons of not working.

Have you had experience of friends or relatives being quick to point out what they think is wrong with you, but being reluctant to acknowledge and encourage your achievements and strengths? It is not a great feeling when that happens too often, but there is a reason for it.

This podcast explains why some people cannot help finding fault, and feel more comfortable with it.

Many people associate humility with confidence, but there is little connection between the two states, especially as humility is often linked with shyness and feelings of insecurity. There's no harm in being humble, as others are likely to feel more amenable in your presence, but is it really necessary to being a confident person?

Elaine notes the difference between the two states.

Many people get into a helpless cycle of negative thoughts, leading to feelings of impotence, fear and loss of control which makes them constantly anxious and annoyed with their situation. But what causes that, and what can they do to change it?

Elaine's podcast explains the reasons and gives some remedies.

We all have some kind of insecurity in our lives, but when it dogs our footsteps and even overwhelms us, it becomes unbearable and tends to paralyse our actions. Insecurity affects us when we have very low confidence, and are unsure of ourselves. So what is the biggest giveaway that we're insecure? 

Elaine reveals what this tell-tale sign is.

For whatever reason, many people feel the need to cheat. Yet it can be pretty devastating to the one on the receiving end of that thoughtless and hurtful action. Sometimes it can really destroy trust and even damage lives. So how do you cope with that, and even move on from it?

Elaine gives her thought-provoking answer the question in this podcast.

Some people seem to spend a lot of time waiting around for others to make up their mind whether they wish to progress friendships or not. Yet that could be a sign of low self-belief, confidence and not trusting their own instincts. Are there any benefits of waiting for an answer?

Elaine explores the possibilities.

Though a ready stereotype, this perception does have some basis in fact, though not all women fit the assumption. Why would they prefer taller men, especially when really tall men are in the minority in male society. Is there enough evidence to confirm the question?

Elaine explores the reasons for this assumption and even gives some surprising information around the perception.

Many people dread the thought of ageing, mainly because our society does not reward older people, but tends to treat them as surplus to requirements. Hence there is a lot of needless fear around the process. We just don't wake up one morning and find ourselves 'old'. Getting older is very subtle and gradual, so that 'slowing down' is not an automatic state. It really depends on the individual and their lifestyle. Elaine explains how in this interesting podcast.

RELATED BOOK: The New Theory of Confidence

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Follow Elaine on Twitter @ESiheraESC for new podcast alerts.

Often we feel badly, but think we're feeling sad. It seems hard to tell the difference.

Yet, it is a subtle but distinct difference, which is important, because each state needs a different approach to remedy it. Learning the difference should help towards finding the right solution to feeling better.

This podcast explains the difference.

Some people are cynical about Valentine's Day, not really seeing its value. But for very busy people, or those who might be reticent in showing their feelings, this is a welcome reminder to stop and give some attention to their partners, or simply to show how they feel.

But what do you think?