Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls
By Lauren Kelly and Sarah Royal
Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls Nov 26, 2023
Episode 168: No Lemonade for Thor Anderson
Creepy Thor Anderson is here from St. Olaf after saving up for the bus fare and maybe low-key stalking Rose. Meanwhile, Sophia answers a personal ad, thinks she's caught up in sex games, but is actually witnessing the heartbreaking reality of a wife trying to prepare her husband for her imminent death. What a load of fun!
Episode 167: Bikini Bottoms & Foam Fingers
The Pope is in Miami and Sophia is hellbent on getting a papal blessing for her sick friend, Agnes. So hellbent, in fact, that she steals a jewel-encrusted ring steeped in history to make her point. Meanwhile, Blanche gives Roes the gift of suspicion with a detective in the bushes.
Episode 165: Welcome Home, Solider
B̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶B̶o̶b̶,̶ Bill! Bill is back from the war and really looking to get back on track with his serious relationship. The problem is, Blanche, whom he's been pining for the whole time he's deployed, doesn't remember him. Meanwhile, Sophia uses Rose as an estate attorney and is hoarding more than just gold teeth.
Episode 164: Two Bottles of Beer on the Wall, featuring very special guest Sarah Armstrong
It's spooky season and what better way to celebrate than some Grammy-haunted windchimes! The girls help Blanche say goodbye to her [definitely racist] Grammy's plantation outside Atlanta. Meanwhile, Sophia dies for a minute and comes back with a life wish.
Episode 163: Recorded Live at the Uncle Cluck's Outpost in Palermo
We're back on track and discussing Mile$ and his frickin frugality! Meanwhile, Dorothy leaves Sophia in Blanche's care as she goes on a romantic cruise for 3 days--just enough time to make it to a remote village in Sicily and get back to Miami.
Hey, Maybe This is Our Shot at Getting into The Bible: A Very Special Episode with Jim Colucci
What better way to celebrate the anniversary of the Golden Girls Premier than a conversation with pop culture author, TV expert, and all-around pal & confidante, Jim Colucci! We talk to Jim about his own connection to the show, the process of writing Golden Girls Forever, which has become a must-have for any fan of the show, and his appreciation for the art of sitcom. Plus, we hear about Jim's new book that focuses on another classic TV show, The Love Boat, and a conversation he and Sarah have planned in LA to discuss Sarah's book, AKA Lucy. It is truly a load of fun!
I Like Lucy: Sarah's New Book and a Chat with Two Superfans
If you've been a Scandinavian knit-wit living in a closet and haven't heard, Sarah wrote a book! A.K.A. Lucy: The Dynamic and Determined Life of Lucille Ball is out on October 10. We discuss the tie-ins of I Love Lucy and Lucille Ball & The Golden Girls with Jim Negri, a Lucy & GG expert, and Charlie Cizek, better known as the genius behind the hilarious Instagram account, ShadyPinesMa85.
Episode 162: We're Out of M-O-N-E-Y
There's a hurricane a-coming! Specifically, Hurricane Saturday, NBC's epic crossover event. This episode features the McKinley Lighthouse (RIP), poor Gloria (literally), Stan and FiFi, Bea Arthur's real-life son, and so much more. You'll love it, or our names aren't Dan and Morothy.
Episode 161: We Just Swing the Wind Blows
We're back!! In this one, Rose goes out with a jerk who dates men and women, Blanche tries to deflower a priest, and we see young Dorothy, young Stan, and a red-headed Sophia! Not a top-tier episode, but lots to discuss!
Episode 160: Wherever There's News, We'll be Here
In the last episode before our summer hiatus, we explore a clown-fearing mama's boy and Stan's transference of his mother's love and rejection to Sophia. Enjoy it with a cake that's sweetened with natural fruit juices & some moist tea!
Episode 159: This Plot Is Full Of...Fruit Salad
Sophia eats some cantaloupe and pretends to be possessed by Charlie in a mean joke that really damages Rose's relationship with Miles (who, btw, is back from Amish Country and still going by Miles). Meanwhile, Blanche coaches Stevie, a baseball player with some unconventional methods, and Dorothy writes a letter to her dead father. PS. It's pride month! Support your local drag queen (and their baseball team)!
Episode 158: It's Not in Yet, Don
Dorothy is putting together a family history for her grandkids and learns, despite Sophia's best efforts, that her mother was betrothed to a man named Guido! Huge reveal! Meanwhile, good two shoes Rose calls the City on Blanche when she plans to install a hot tub.
Episode 157: NurseyNurseNurse
Sophia sneezed and blew herself off a stool, resulting in two sprained ankles! Dorothy hires a nurse, and while she resists at first, Sophia becomes quite fond of her (not in that way). Meanwhile, Blanche parades her grandaughter around at a child beauty pageant where not a one kid seems to be having fun and one might actually set herself on fire.
Episode 156: The Case of The Wildly Popular Episode
The Girls head to the Maltese Falcon Club to participate in a Murder Mystery Weekend. Blanche is competing against Posey McGlinn for a promotion, and also maybe a romantic relationship with her boss? Sophia cops an entire place set, Dorothy solves the mystery, and Rose not only figures out what a maître d' is, but also gets back at Blanche for stealing her earrings! What a load of fun!
Episode 155: Skips a Generation, yahoooo!
We're back and we're entering the final season! Dorothy needs a hearing aid, Sophia might be a Jew for Jesus, and Charlie may have slept with Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux while he was visiting Miami.
Episode 154: 🎶 We Must Try & Try To Warn the King...that the 6th season is over! 🎶
The sky is falling and we're closing out Season 6 on top! Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche, 68 (and dead!) star in an elementary school production of Henny Penny narrated by a Robin Hood-clad Sophia. Meanwhile, Blanche tries to get Chugger Dietz to print a retraction on an obituary that does not result in the outpouring of grief one would expect.
Episode 152 & 153: Anyone for S'mores?
Nyquill shooters & a hotplate, a recipe for disaster! Sophia is under arrest when a deathbed confession implicates her in the Shady Pines fire. The rest of the girls reminisce while trying to work through an impossible situation.
Episode 151: Thank You For Listening to This Episode on a Night When our Hang Gliders are in the Shop, Congress is in Recess, and the Lepers are on Geraldo.
Blanche Devereaux's going on a diet....again. The girls participate in a bachelorette auction, the crown jewel of 90s sitcom plots. Uncle Angelo is back in town, and thanks to the timely death of Stan's own uncle, Dorothy is able to offer him an apartment in his hour of need. The place leaves something to be desired on the hide-and-seek front, but is apparently large enough for a formal party with a long guest list that doesn't include the Big Mean Bug Lady.
Episode 150: Somebody Here Doesn't Remember Prom Night, 1946
Hi Dorothy, Bye Dorothy. Blanche Devereaxu's goin on a diet. Blanche purges the kitchen of all sweet and salty treats as she tries to fit back into her wedding dress. Rose and Sophia, in different ways, make this all the more difficult. Meanwhile, Certified Golden Girls Hunk™, John Noretti is in Miami and he and Dorothy share an enchanted evening and rehash old memories.
Episode 149: Our Highest Rate EVAH--EVAH!
A rabbi, a mobster, and a copy in a dress walk into a house...
In this one, Rose is dating the Cheeseman! Miles comes back as an Amish windmill maker, and Blanche tries her yankee-doodle-dandiest to get into a club full of racist old white ladies. It's a hilarious, whacky ride.
Episode 148: We're the Brightest Kids In Brooklyn™!
When Dorothy struggles to connect with the kids in her honors progrum, Sophia tells her she was the brightest kid in Brooklyn™ growing up and it goes straight to her head. Speaking of State Fairs, Blanche's ego inflates until its bursts when a young actor mistakes her for Aurora's mother. It's grand..just grand.
Episode 147: Bushmania & Sensationalist News
Rose pursues a new career as a news reporter, but she's better with a hairbrush. Meanwhile, Blanche's perfect arrangement with Mel Bushman gets shaken up when she fears the Zipper King has died, finds out he hasn’t, and then seeks to complicate their “relationship.”
Episode 146: Enough Wicker Would Be Fine, Enough Wicker Doesn't Lie
Dorothy is in cahoots with the manager of Cyrpus Grove to trick Sophia into believing she's there to be something between an employee and a volunteer when really, she's a guest! Meanwhile, Rose and Blanche get a modeling gig for a penny saver that turns out to be less glamorous than they expected. We'd sue!
Episode 143: Guess We Have To Get Used to Calling Her 'Dorothy Zbornak!'
Dorothy and Stan have been sneaking around and no one bothered to ask Sophia aka the Godfather. The old flames decide to get married, again, not in the presence of their children or grandchildren, but under the instruction of a no-nonsense wedding planner and famed attorney Marvin Mitchelson. Surprise, it doesn't work out! Meanwhile, Rose is stalked and harassed by Myra, whose weapon of choice is a crustacean!
Episode 142: Oh Boy, A Totally Wacky Plotline that Goes Nowhere, Sign Me Up, Sign Me Up!
What was supposed to be an enjoyable evening of Miles reading poetry to celebrate that nose-nipper, Robert Frost, goes totally awry when news breaks that The Cheeseman, a mob boss, has been killed. Through a series of small reveals that don't make a ton of sense, Miles comes clean as Nicholas Carbone, shrimp lover and snitch in a tie.
Episode 141: We Bend Over Backwards for Clayton's Engagement! (laughter from the crowd)
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and what better way to celebrate than with Clayton and Doug's engagement! Blanche struggles with accepting her brother as gay...again, but with the help of the rest of the girls, comes around eventually. Meanwhile, Rose loses an award to a dead woman.
Our interview with Elliot Powell: https://www.enoughwicker.com/post/okie-dokie-daddio-sex-gender-jazz-in-the-golden-girls
Episode 140: We Run Towards You Saying "Mooooo"
Rose wants Miles to jump out of an air-a-plane to prove he loves her. Blanche is dating Rex Huntington, an abusive dirtbag who treats her terribly, and Dorothy decides to intervene. It takes Blanche a minute to come around, but luckily she sees the light. Meanwhile, Dorothy and Sophia work on the famous lunar landing puzzle.
All of The Golden Girls Villains, Ranked, with illustrations from Wicker Good Memes is here: https://www.enoughwicker.com/post/all-of-the-golden-girls-villains-ranked
Episode 139: You're the Old One, This is the Sad One
In what is arguably the saddest episode of the entire series, we mourn Phil Petrillo. Family man, poker player, and style icon. Sophia confronts Phil's wife Angela aka Big Sally about a decades-long feud and the rest of the girls try and cope with the loss.
Episode 138: It's Show BUSINESS for God's Sake
Blanche is checkin' out everything but the books at the library and comes across Mr. Ted Tanner, who turns out to be a jerk in a wheelchair. Meanwhile, Rose tries to convince the fam to let her keep Bingo, an absolutely adorable puppy, but as Dorothy puts it, no one lucid is home during the day to care for him.
Episode 137: We Care For You
St. Olaf is going through a drought and wants all of its one-time citizens, even those who live elsewhere, to join in the misery. Rose decides to commit to celibacy, but on the advice of Blanche, tries to use it as an opportunity to make Miles jealous, rather than tell the truth. Meanwhile, Blanche also inserts herself into Sophia's dating life, creating the infamous 65-year-old drag queen visual we know and love.
Episode 136: Sonny Bono, Get Off My Lanai
Mrs. Blanche Devereaux considers whether or not to stay Mrs. Blanche Devereaux when George's ghost shows up in Miami! Using one of the favorite tactics of TV at the time, Blanche dreams Geroge stained his desk and has been alive this whole time. Meanwhile, Sonny Bono and Lyle Waggoner compete for Dorthy's affection.
Episode 135: The Word Says It--Nun.
A nun has died and a dork in a Duster rams into Rose's car. Amid the grief of losing a friend, Sophia decides to join the convent. Meanwhile, Blanche uses Rose's car in a reckless attempt to meet rich men. None of it works out—what a load of fun!
Episode 134: THE NAMESAKE
Dorothy and Stan are back at it again! As though they're right back at prom night 1946, everybody's favorite divorced couple is sneaking around and carrying on like teenagers. Rose is having a problem at work with an overeager colleague that only Sophia can solve (sans dart gun).
Episode 133: HE Wants You to Listen to this Episode
Rose confronts her scumbag of a dentist who has been groping her while she's knocked out on laughing gas. Meanwhile, Dorothy aka Atila the Sub is filling in for a long-term job at a local Catholic high school. She has to decide whether or not to fail Kevin, a charming but lazy football star who refuses to apply himself academically, amid pressure from a priest, a dumb (but also charming in his own right!) coach, an active—and potentially threatening—alumni. Tunnels, he loved to drive through tunnels...
Episode 132: Outsourcing Child Care and Matchmaking, but We Can't Get Anybody to Do Our Windows!
Big Daddy created a lot of problems for his family, even in death! Viola Watkins, Blanche's beloved "Mammy" shows up in Miami (after calling!) to ask for a music box she gave to Blanche's father, who we learned she loved. Blanche has to reconcile with the affair, while Sophia covertly signs Dorothy up for a matchmaker. Rose reveals her nanny was a goat and learns how to pronounce the first name of Mrs. Eisenhower.
Episode 131: Is Mrs. Taylor the Original Q-Anon? It's Been Deleted By Authority of the Governor!
In this one, Dorothy Zbornak (Miracle Worker) tries to help Jimmy, played by the incomparable Martin Mull, confront decades of life as a shut-in. Is she qualified, you ask? Not at all! Meanwhile, Rose decides she must throw Blanche a birthday party, even as Blanche's preferred method of coping with aging comes in the form of young men and living with women who look a lot older than she does!
Episode 130: Stan and St. Olaf Come Into Some M-O-N-E-Y
With his invention, the Zbornee, Stanley is helping thousands of people open baked potatoes without burning their fingers and raking in the cash. He wants to share with his very best used-to-be (and her mother, who willfully accepts) but Dorothy is hesitant at first. Meanwhile, Rose makes sure to hold onto her I Lost My Ass in Vegas cup but somehow lets Blanche take thousands of dollars in St. Olaf war bonds. Blanche has to decide if keeping her newfound fortune is worth bankrupting the Cradle of Idiocy.
Episode 129: We Don't Have Any, We Never Did.
We lost Sophia, but we found Rose's father (he's an earthling!). The Girls are back at the hospital because Sophia has a hernia that we're led to believe is from moving furniture at Dorothy's request, but is actually a consequence of a hilarious prank. While there, Rose, an expert candy stripper and purveyor of Traditional St. Olaf Funpacks runs into her natural father, who turns out to be a dancing monk.
Episode 128: Becky Squats in a Laura Ashley Showroom
We're officially in Season 6 and Becky is back! After visiting a birthing center where it sounds like a mommy is on fire, she decides to instead deliver her baby at a Miami hospital, without regard for what that will to do Blanche's reputation. Eventually, Blanche accepts that Becky is pursuing single motherhood and has a moment of reflection where she realizes that is actually incredibly brave. Meanwhile, hyper-competitive Rose tries to satisfy her dead parents by pursuing an ice skating career.
Episode 127: Where Can We Get a Point of Light on a Stick?
Another two-part, clip show, season finale! Only this time, President Bush is stopping by to visit. Dorothy plans to share all of her gripes (most of which we share!) with the Prez, but freezes up in a classic "..Bush..." scene. Meanwhile, a charming Secret Service agent grills the girls to make sure it's safe for Mr. No New Taxes to stop by. Stanley brings over his greatest novelty to date, and it's a great end to Season 5!
Episode 126: Old Brisker, Ma's Mouth, and A Gambling Problem
Rose takes up painting and obviously, she can't paint a horse from memory, so asks someone to accompany her to the racetrack. Blanche, despite having a pass to the jockey's lounge, can't make it--largely because she's working her new boss Donald for 12 hours a week at the museum--so Dorothy hesitantly agrees to go. Unfortunately, one good day of picking winners reignites a vicious gambling problem that almost cost Dorothy everything years earlier.
Episode 125: Who Needs Spanish Flies? Just Go To Your Best Friends' God-Daughter's Wedding!
Beloved by oldster fans of the Golden Girls and beginners alike, the Girls are hot and heavy at the wedding of Dorothy's god-daughter to the grandson of Giuseppe Mangiacavallo, Sophia's once betrothed and now multi-millionaire. Dorothy and Blanche work through some deep-seated stuff that will continue to come up again and again, and we learn that Rose is peeping the priests' buns! Meanwhile, Sophia watches a very slow-acting curse in action. What a load of fun!
Episode 124: There Really Is No Reason My Mother Shouldn't Have Her Cookies
So Glen, how come you cheated on your wife?
Glen O'Brien, Dorothy's old and formerly married flame, is back--only this time he's played by Jerry Orbach. The two have such magnetic chemistry, but ultimately, Dorothy must choose herself. Meanwhile, a couple of fraudsters prey on the old and the gullible at the mall and Blanche & Sophia lose thousands of dollars--what a load of fun!
Episode 123: Vixen, Story of a Comrade
In this all-time favorite, Blanche's sister Charmaine and Stan's cousin Magda are both in Miami at the same time. Charmaine and Blanche appear to be getting along--a surprise for Hollingsworth siblings--until Blanche is convinced Charmaine borrowed her life story and sexual escapades for her book. Meanwhile, Magda butts heads with all of the other Girls, but most strongly with Dorothy, on the merits of communism vs. capitalism. One thing we can all agree on is that sex sell and slurpees rule.
Episode 122: You're Kidding, Buzz is Here Too?!
Buzz Mueller, Rose's 'one that got away' is in town! The snappy-dressing showman sweeps Rose off her feet and wants to bring her on tour with his band. Despite things going well with Miles, Rose considers it and asks if it is possible to love two men at the same time. Meanwhile, Sophia is hanging out with the wrong crowd and Dorothy firmly objects after a night that starts with Blanche's friend Mr. Big and ends with Schlomo. Sophia moves in with a senile art collector for a bit until everything is resolved.
RE-RUN: Episode 85: Fifty Shades of Clay with Special Guest Chris Gallo!
In a very special episode, we are joined by the only man to ever put his own head on Fifi's body, Chris Gallo of OhShuptUpRose.com and Golden Girls Posters! We start by talking about all of Chris' Golden Girls-related projects and then jump into one of his favorite episodes, Scared Straight. We cover everything from Phil Petrillo's significance to whether or not Rose would have actually said "Clayton is a hobo" to #coughgate88. It's bound to be Doug's favorite and is our last episode of the year! Have a great holiday, waterlilies, and catch us in 2022!
Episode 121: It's Time to Get Real, Grandma
In this frequently-referenced and celebrated episode, Rose learns she may have contracted HIV through a blood transfusion years ago. Our main focus is the the 72 hours, hence the title, between getting tested and receiving the results. This is an incredibly powerful episode even today but especially at the time it aired. There is a throughline of de-stigmatizing HIV/AIDS and a poignant scene where Blanche directly addresses Rose and America at-large with the simple truth that AIDS is not a bad person's disease.
For interviews and full papers by the scholars referenced, check out our website.
Episode 120: So Good Enough Wicker Named It Part 2! An Illegitimate Concern
Barrett and Kay from So Good We Named It are here to help us cut those ribbons at Piggly Wiggly! Yes, it's another Hurricane Saturday, as the four of us discuss episode 120 of the Golden Girls, An Illegitimate Concern. David shows up out of nowhere and borderline stalks Blanche, who at first (naturally) finds it flattering, but then is hit harder with reality than Rose is with the Metro Section when David reveals he's Geroge's son. Meanwhile, Sophia and Dorothy make lovely first runners-up at the Shady Pines Mother/Daughter Pageant. What a load of fun!
To hear Part 1 of So Good Enough Wicker Named It and more of Barrett and Kay, including interviews with fans and writers and hot takes on Virginia Hollingsworth, subscribe to So Good We Named It.
Episode 119: Everybody's Got A Nickname For It
Blanche has to get a pacemaker put in and is overwhelmed with the fear and anxiety that comes with that. Also, because it's Blanche, physical health=sexuality, so the effect is even deeper. Each of the other girls offers support in their own ways, the most memorable being Rose's World War I lullaby.
Episode 118: Memories, like the Corners of Clinton-Washington Avenues
Sophia's memories are fading and so she and Dorothy make a trip up to Brooklyn, where, thanks to a pretty rude version of Sal's ghost and a few sentimental visuals, it all (kind of) comes back. Meanwhile, Blanche accuses Rose of sex discrimination and bolsters the case that the two of them are maybe not meant to work together.