The Dolly Mama and the Millennials
By The Dolly Mama - Esther Goetz
The Dolly Mama and the MillennialsJan 31, 2019
Episode 13: Mom Guilt (battling the beast)
Help! MOM GUILT! Before our babies are even born, we wonder if we are doing everything right by our child. Am I eating healthy enough? I forgot to take my vitamins. After they are born, it doesn't subside. EVER. Am I playing enough with my toddler? Am I allowing too much screen time? Am I strict enough? Too strict? I yelled at them for not making their bed. I let my middle schooler quit soccer in the middle of the season. Why don't I want to spend time with my pre-teen? I shouldn't go back to work. We need the money for college. Should I have taken away my teen's cell phone? Am I enabling my adult son? AM I DOING IT ALL RIGHT ALL THE TIME? Mom guilt.
Join me today as I talk with two moms of toddlers, one who works outside the home (my daughter Sarah) and one who stays home (my daughter Sarah's close friend, Elizabeth Enns Petters - known as Lizz). We tackle this universal mom language and we uncover some valuable insights into combatting this monster. Sarah and Lizz are wise, young, smart, capable, kick-butt moms who teach this old-timer some new tricks on keeping this beast corralled and even quieted down. You don't want to miss out!
Episode 12: The Terrible Gift of Parenting While Grieving
What happens when you lose your dad eight hours after your first baby is born and then lose your husband one month before your second baby is born? How do you survive, much less thrive as a parent in the middle of a hugely difficult season, and even a lifetime of loss?
My friend and young mom, Becky McCoy, tackles the topic of parenting and grieving at the same time. Becky is a mom to two young children ages six and four and a very brave hope-bringer right in the middle of her heartbreak.
She answers tough questions about her own beautiful and messy grief process. She reminds us that there are ALL kinds of loss in our lives and we ALL have to navigate some kind of grief in the middle of our parenting season, even though many times we might not even recognize it as such.
As you listen, you will want her to "keep on talking" as I did, gleaning so much goodness not only from what she says, but who she is. We cry (well I do) and laugh lots which, in and of itself, hints to some of the profound wisdom you will hear from her. My biggest surprises are the VERY universal parenting truths that grief forced her to learn so very early on.
If you need encouragement today (she has one particular thought I can't wait for you to hear) and you want to have HOPE for your parenting journey, you have come to the right place! Don't miss out!
Episode 11: Holding Space for Yourself (An Interview with Lea Turner)
And that’s when I heard it, “Hold space for them.”
“Hold space for them? What does that mean?” I asked God.
I sat there in my car in the parking lot of the addiction rehab I taught at and knew God was calling me to embark on a journey with these women. As I hung up the phone, I was caught by a sweep of His presence, as I felt the answer to my question settle in my spirit…Just show up every week and be there for them. Be present to their pain.
It's been almost a year since I heard those words, "Hold space." I've learned to stay present without a response. Without turning away from the pain of others. Loving without saying a word, giving each other space to feel. I've learned "holding space" is a beautiful way to sit with them in their pain. It's finding the depth of love necessary to allow them to feel without judgment, without rushing in to clean it up or fix it. It's standing beside one another offering hope without saying a word.
A few months ago, the Holy Spirit sweetly asked, "Yeah, but do you know how to hold space for yourself?"
Hold space for me? There's no time for that?
I’m learning what this means. In a season of five active kids, a dad fighting for his life, and a husband with a demanding job I’m finding I need more time for me. Often times our own self takes a back seat during busy seasons. The thing is, we can’t afford not to take care of our own soul. This is why David spoke to his soul, “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone” (Ps. 62:1,5). We live unawakened lives when we neglect our souls.
Join as I'm a guest on The Dolly Mama podcast where we talk about ways to hold space for ourselves and why it's important. Laugh and cry with us for thirty minutes as we explore the need for soul-care and how to do that during this busy journey of motherhood.
Episode 9: SORRY NOT SORRY!
CONFLICT! Some of us engage in it, enjoy it and view it as a form of communication that brings connection. Others of us avoid it, despise it, and deem it the destroyer of relationships. What about all that fighting we are in the middle of as parents? Among our kids and also with them? Who should say they're sorry? When should they say they're sorry? How should they say they're sorry? What about forgiveness and reconciliation? How do they happen? When do they happen? Who should forgive? THIS BIG QUESTION is worked through: should I make my child say "I'm sorry" when they've done something wrong and "I forgive you" when another apologizes? Join me with Josh, my super wise 22-year old, as we let you in on my "fits-and-starts" journey with this never-ending parenting battle.
Episode 8: Maneuvering the Mammoth of Social Media (as Parents and Humans)
Social Media is a behemoth. Instagram. Snapchat. Facebook. Twitter. OUR PHONE. On and on and on. Join Rachel and me as we work our way through the positives and negatives (for BOTH OF US) of the various platforms and how they play out currently in our mom/daughter relationship. LISTEN closely to Rachel about the dangers she encounters on Instagram (her social media of choice) as a young #stillteenage woman and how she steers through the ins and outs and keeps her sanity and protects her self. FIND OUT about some not-so-good parts of this Dolly Mama and my personal struggle with parenting through this very tumultuous medium. You will find great hope for yourself and your own journey of maneuvering the mammoth as a human being and maybe even a parent.
Episode 7: How Not To Fight with Your Teens about Money
We implemented a financial system when our kids were about the age of 12. In the middle of all the struggles of parenting, it was one of our successes! Hear from each of them, why they liked it (and didn't) and why it worked (or didn't). Join me in a discussion with all four of them at the same time (P.S. For some reason, I talk really fast - LOL!) If you want to eliminate 90% of fighting with your kids about money, this is for you!!! If you want to hear my kids make fun of me, this is also for you!
Episode 6: How My Anxiety Effected My Parenting
Join me as I speak with Josh (our 22 year-old) about how my "nervous breakdown" and subsequent anxiety disorder informed my parenting. Find out the answers to these questions: how did crippling fear effect my decisions as a mom and what changed as I began to heal? Enjoy funny stories as part of the crazy! If you struggle with anxiety/fear as a parent (and I know I am not the only one), this podcast is for you!!! (Bear with audio issues...I'm building the plane as I fly it! It will get better!)
Episode 5: The Trust Twist (An Interview with Melony Bishop)
What happens when our child spills their milk? Fails a fourth-grade test and hides it from us? Struggles with the more complicated teen issues? Join me as I interview Melony Bishop, a very kind, wise, brave hope-bringer of three children ages 12, 15 and 17. She shines some much-needed light on this parenting path that is not well-marked. How can we and why is it important to respond instead of react? Explore the idea of reciprocal trust with us, and how this forever changed our own mothering and why it is key in the raising of our children. Enjoy 30 minutes of laughter, tears and deep insight as you get a peak behind the scenes of our not-so-perfect parenting journeys. Find hope for your own!
Episode 4: Get Down with Rachel Joy! The Baby's Got A Lot to Tell!
Episode 3: Navigating the Journey of ADD (Wise Thoughts from Jared)
Jared, our first-born son and someone who has AD(H)D, spends 15 precious minutes of his time talking through this unique path he was chosen for. What did it mean for him when he was growing up in school? What were some of the harmful messages that were given to him? How has that shaped who he is today and what he does as a result? What is my greatest parenting regret and why did I do it in the first place? DON'T MISS the incredible visual he shares that opened my eyes and heart to understand just a little bit more what it's like for him and why we ALL may need this mental image in our toolbox when those we love are navigating this journey. Find out what we can do differently! This is perfect for parents, teachers, friends, spouses of those with ADD and especially for those of you who have this struggle yourself! You may just say, "Ah, someone who gets me!"
Episode 2: Faith is a Journey, Not a Guilt Trip (Sarah's Take)
Sarah, our first-born, and a mom herself, tackles the tough question about how our faith journey both harmed and helped her during her childhood. What happened when our faith was filled with fear and guilt and behavior-management? What changed when that all began to unravel? How did we change and what was different in how we parented? FIND OUT the wise piece of advice she gives toward the end (you have to listen all the way through) that brought healing in my own life (right on the spot). She reveals something that we ALL need to hear!
Episode 1: Our Big Three (according to Josh)
Join with me as I interview Josh, our third-born of four adult kids. We explore "our big three" according to him, what he believes we highly valued and esteemed in our parenting and family life. You'll find out about my mom mantra, "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR STUFF" and how that kept us from continuing to have those never-kept behavioral contracts I had my kids sign but never followed through on. You will also hear what other TWO (what this Dolly Mama would deem) SUPER important life values somehow made the leap across that seemingly giant chasm between my heart (and Allen's too) and his!