Facade Project
By Facade Project
The rules: Each week, we pick something we want to add to our bios. We can get there however we want, as long as we meet the minimum requirements.
We will go to the end of the Earth and back to win (as long as it's not too much work).
Facade ProjectNov 15, 2021
#12 - Mick: LowKeyNerd, Bunny Kicking Enthusiast
Are you a cryptocurrency guru, Pokémon card expert, and toxic professional gamer? If so, then first off we’re gonna have to beat the hell out of you, nerd. But also, you have a lot in common with our guest Mick, AKA LowKeyNerd.
Crypto video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYQgy8QDEBI
#11 - Piper and the Sexy Shark Men
With our guest Piper, we mull over age-old deep questions, such as: “Do children have fingernails?” and“How many pre-schoolers could we fight?”
Nick is banning newborn children, Piper wants to fight Neil Degrasse Tyson with her mine-finding submarine, and we're all gonna write some spicy fiction about forbidden love with sharks.
#10 - Matt: Doctor, Anti Free-Baller, HBIC
The space race was between the Union and the Confederacy, prove me wrong.
Matt, who is a doctor, anti free-baller, and Head Bitch In Charge, denies all conspiracies, but agrees that public notaries are the most powerful sorcerers in all the land. Nick proves once and for all that the Earth is flat, and Kevin forces Austin to re-live his butt-worm days.
#9 - River: Vice President of Wires at DarkAero
How can you make a functional airplane out of stained second-hand cotton t-shirts? And how the hell do swings work, anyway?
River, Guy Who Has No High School Diploma and Vice President of Wires at DarkAero, tells us the answers, as well as all of the DarkAero trade secrets. Don't tell anyone! Thanks bud.
Also one of us gets the Nudist title. Finally.
#8 - Nina: Psychic, Astrologer, Fine Art Dealer
We got a HECKton of titles this week, babyy! These titles are coming at you even faster than girls dump me! Ha ha! I'm lonely!
Our psychic guest Nina talks with us about one-eyed spirit cats and Finnish kids jumping over swords. Austin gives everyone nightmares. Kevin explores some holes, then cries as another guest tells him he hasn't earned a title. And Nick uses astrology to become The Most Powerful Boi.
The titles earned this week: ASMRtist, Spelunker, Food Photographer, Frail, Hipster.
Send us your ideas and accomplishments at info@facadeproject.com!
#7 - Mallory: Artist, Car Crasher, Fighter
Have you ever wanted to visit ten thousand holes? Nick certainly has, and most definitely will.
Our guest Mallory fills us in on what art is, how to save cats that don't actually need saving, and why Kevin is an absolute failure yet again.
https://www.instagram.com/loch.rantula/
https://www.instagram.com/draws.of.colors/
#6 - Three Mimes Ask: Are We We?
Nick writes Kevin to his untimely demise, Austin commits unspeakable atrocities using empty milk jugs, and we figure out the horrors you have to endure in order to become a mime.
Hey Netflix: please respond to our thousands of emails, thanks.
Wait But Why Conviction vs Knowledge Graph: https://twitter.com/waitbutwhy/status/1269777477615960064?s=20
Nick's Facade Project Graph: https://i.imgur.com/iQy2HJe.png
Chronologling Austin's adventures sleeping on the floor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdRpSJYQ0ts
#5 - Teddy Roosevelt’s Milk Dream
Nick and his beautiful building need ATTENTION, Kevin hacks into the White house with his onlyFans - I mean onlyTimers - and we figure out how to own 100% of money in the world.
“The Earth is flat and you shouldn’t eat cheese anymore.” - Kevin
Kevin’s video: https://youtu.be/uLOZjjE3jyg
Austin videos: https://youtu.be/0wNfDkZgiyE, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgfJf94e5bth0eKrYZeYHlQ/videos
Nick's art: https://i.imgur.com/88n2buK.png
#4 - Ripped Martian Notary Squad
This week on the podcast, Kevin hides from the ripped Notary Police, Austin drinks WAY too much milk, and Nick whips out his giant paintbrush and paints us like his Martian girls. The scandalous adventures never end.
Nick’s art: https://youtu.be/vGQmpIq2FS4
Tim Ferriss telling you to drink a gallon of milk a day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLlq86-qJqM&t=199
Endowment Effect: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endowment_effect
#3 - Featuring Carlos, Actual YouTuber and Published Researcher
How can we become legit YouTubers and published researchers - as quickly and effortlessly as possible? Special guest Carlos is a published researcher and YouTuber (even if he won't admit it), and he tells us how to accomplish all our dreams of achieving questionable fame.
Featuring: Reverend Nick making inspiringly bad bread puns with mindful thots, Austin getting insta-rejected, and Kevin timing his elbow butt. And we all generally lower the bar.
MindfulThinks: https://www.youtube.com/c/MindfulThinks/featured
Austin's art: https://imgur.com/Rmy26Ai
Nick's art: https://imgur.com/W1wZty9
Austin's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgfJf94e5bth0eKrYZeYHlQ
Lumberjack video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkC6Cme6Kds
#2 - Ordained Ministers
"Now repeat after me: I take you as my lawfully wedded husband. I take you with all your strengths and your many, many faults, and I offer my faults to you, but I'm keeping my strengths for me and my motorcycle gang. I will stick with you forever through health and minor sickness, as long as you don't get me sick. 'Til death or a bad haircut do us part."
The fellas are ordained ministers now—what did it take?? Spoiler, not much.
Some other topics: Sexy lumberjack/blacksmith calendars, raiding on the open seas, patenting a stick.
Want to submit ideas? Email us at ideas@facadeproject.com with anything you think would be impressive and/or hilarious.
#1 - The Facade Project
The contest: Have a biography that is as impressive as possible, while requiring the least possible work to get there. (Doctor, race car driver, #1 best-selling author, etc.)
The rules: Each week, we pick something we want to add to our bios. We can get there however we want, as long as we meet the requirements set for that bio item.
We will go to the end of the Earth and back to win (as long as it's not too much work).