Fkd Up By Faith

Rhian, who is a mental health social worker, spoke to me candidly about her childhood in a fundamentalist Welsh chapel, where not even (or maybe especially not) the Anglicans were going to heaven!

Through travel and exposure to other cultures, as well as moving for education and exposure to a range of philosophical thought, Rhian found herself rejecting those ideas for something more integrated, and more mystically connected to the divine.

The poetry in this episode is

'Your presence is near' by Julianne Lepp, read at the top of the show by Jude.

and 'Thanks Robert Frost' by David Ray, read at the end by Rhian.

I was very lucky  and very excited, to interview Matthew Remski for this first Fkd Up By Faith of 2023! Many of you will know Matthew as one of the hosts of the fabulous Conspirituality podcast which is easily my favourite podcast, and the highlight of my listening week. He is a writer, journalist and cult researcher whom I first met in the yoga world, with which we have both become rather disillusioned. Our wide-ranging conversation begins in Catholicism and ends in the online world of the New Age influencer. A must listen! Matthew is author of several books, the latest being 'Practice And All Is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics, And Healing In Yoga And Beyond' which is a must-read for anybody who is involved in yoga (especially those who teach) He is also co-author - along with his fellow podcast hosts, Derek Beres and Julian Walker -  of the upcoming Book 'Conspirituality: How New Age Conspiracy Theories Became a Public Health Threat' which is out in June, and available for pre-order from the publisher, and all the usual book places. LINKS Matthew’s website http://matthewremski.com/wordpress The Conspirituality website https://www.conspirituality.net The Conspirituality book https://www.conspirituality.net/book ACKNOWLEDGMENTS In this episode Jude shares the poem ‘Adjective’ by Anne Carson Matthew shares from ‘Noctograms’ by Luciano Iacobelli and  from ‘An H in the Heart’ by bpNichol

We continue with the fourth, and last (for this year) of our bonus reflections for the period of Advent.

I have invited some of my guests from this past year to record their own reflections for each of the four weeks of Advent on the themes of Hope, Peace, Love and Joy.

Mark Townsend, an independent priest, writer, magician and celebrant, offers a wonderful reflection this week on the theme of Joy. Mark joined me in episode 21 where he spoke, amongst other things about being a 'Trainwreck for Jesus.'

You can find Mark at https://www.marktownsendministry.co.uk

The incidental music on this episode is 'Carol of the Bells' by lesfm on Pixabay - https://pixabay.com/users/lesfm-22579021

You can see the Muppets version of 'Carol of the Bells' at  https://youtu.be/ysIzPF3BfpQ

The Fkd UP By Faith theme music is by David Goodall - https://www.soundsmove.com

We continue with the third of our bonus reflections for the period of Advent.

I have invited some of my guests from this past year to record their own reflections for each of the four weeks of Advent on the themes of Hope, Peace, Love and Joy.

Mairtin McNamara - who was my guest on Episode 17 of the pod -  has shared an incredibly beautiful reflection on this week's theme of love. 

I begin by having a bit of a laugh at myself for supposedly getting muddled over the order of the advent themes, and a recording I made of the hymn 'Gaudete'.

As always our theme music is by David Goodall https://www.soundsmove.com 

The incidental music is 'Silent Night' by Music for Videos on Pixabay https://pixabay.com/music/christmas-silent-night-128870/

FUBF will return with the usual format in the New Year, with some exciting guests!

For now, however, here is the first of four bonus reflections for the period of Advent. 

I have invited some of my guests from this past year to record their own reflections for each of the four weeks of Advent on the themes of Hope, Peace, Love and Joy.

This first episode is with me - Jude - on the theme of Hope.  Sections and timings are as follows

Preamble and introduction

5:35  Music - my version of Veni Veni Emmanuel 

7:00 Poetry - ' O Come O Come Emmanuel' by Malcolm Guite

9:30 Reflection - on misguided use of scripture and the idea of 'mystical' hope.

16:30  Short Guided Meditation

Piano version of O Come Emmanuel by K. Jason French at https://kjasonfrench.bandcamp.com/track/o-come-o-come-emmanuel-solo-piano

FUBF Theme music by David Goodall https://www.soundsmove.com/

Writing on the theme of by Cynthia Borgeault at https://cac.org/daily-meditations/mystical-hope-2020-04-16

This bonus episode is a special one for Samhain - or if you like - Halloween. There is a lot I don't like about Halloween, and about the various ways in which distorted versions of our history and lore are sold back to us.  Samhain - the Celtic festival that preceded it - has also fallen prey to those who would seek to market all things spiritual in the best way that only the colonial mindset can. 

Here's the thing. It's not for sale.

Light a candle. Place it in your window. Have a listen to my ritual in this episode if it appeals to you. You need buy nothing. 

There are three parts with timings as follows

PART ONE - Background and history of Halloween and its origins in Samhain - 02:00

PART TWO- Ghosties, ghoulies, and the turn to the Dark Side - 06:55

Heads up/Content Warning for a nasty sound effect at 08:46!

PART THREE - A gentle Samhain Ritual - 12:20

The Samhain Blessing in the ritual was written by me (Jude)

Threshold Invocation for the Festival of Samhain

(to be said at the front door of the house on the eve of Samhain,

in the evening) from Celtic Devotional by Caitlin Matthews

Grandmother Wisdom, open the door,

Grandfather Counsel, come you in.

Let there be welcome to the ancient lore,

Let there be welcome to the Winter of the Year.

In cold and darkness you are travelling,

Under crystal skies you will arrive.

May the blessed time of Samhain

Clarify the soul of all beings,

Bringing joy and wisdom to revelation.

From the depths to the heights,

From the heights to the depths,

In the cave of every soul.

The background music in this episode is as follows

1. Celtic Dream by Frank Schroeter

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/6461-celtic-dream

License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Artist on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/frank.schroeter.52

2. Halloween Theme 1 by Alexander Nakarada

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/4735-halloween-theme-1

License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Artist website: https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com

Mark Townsend  (he/him) is an Independent priest, a celebrant, magician, and author of several books including 'The Gospel of Falling Down' 

I had a wonderful conversation with Mark about his life and experiences as a Church of England (and now independent) priest and celebrant and about the ministry of being f**k ups for Christ! We spoke about the privilege of being alongside people in their vulnerable and transitional moments, about how our own vulnerabilities and mistakes are the root and strength of authentic ministry.

https://www.marktownsendministry.co.uk 

Jude reads from 'The Wild Offering Oracle - a 52 Card Deck on Giving it all to God!' by Tosha Silver, and published by Hay House. 

I had a delightful conversation in this episode with Marc-Henri Sandoz Paradella, who is a psycho-spiritual counsellor, meditation teacher and author of the book Toxic Jesus. Marc lives in Lausanne, Switzerland, and was an evangelical pastor before he began to ask questions...

 An experience of cancer in 2018, which caused him to have his leg amputated, led to what he describes as a 'reverse epiphany' where the idea for 'Toxic Jesus' was born. 

We talked about the understanding of Grace, about an authentic (non-bypassing) spirituality and about finding ways back to faith after 'deconstruction'.

Marc's website is https://en.marchenrisandoz.com/

The book 'Toxic Jesus' can be found in all the usual online outlets. 

I read the poem 'Buddha in Glory' by Rainer Maria Rilke which you can read here https://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/R/RilkeRainerM/BuddhainGlor/index.html

Marc read quotes from 'Also Sprach Zarathustra' (Thus Spake Zarathustra) a  treatise by Friedrich Nietzsche, and from the Apocryphal 'Gospel of Thomas'. 

In this, the third of our special episodes for the period of Advent and midwinter, we hear from Jack Mason-Goodall, who was a guest on episode 15. You can listen to that episode again here https://anchor.fm/fkdupbyfaith/episodes/Episode-15---With-Jack-Mason-Goodall-e187594/a-a6kk44k

Jude begins this episode with a reflection on candles,  and Jack shares an utterly gorgeous reading of the poem 'Until we Could' by Richard Blanco. You can read more about the origin of the poem at 'Freedom to Marry' here http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/watch-freedom-to-marrys-until-we-could-by-inaugural-poet-richard-blanc

A slight detour for FUBF for a few weeks. Indulge us. 

For the period of Advent, a few previous guests are recording reflections on the themes of hope, healing, reconciliation and forgiveness.

In this first, beautiful and mindful reflection, we hear from Dawn Lister, who was my guest back in episode 4. Dawn is a Yoga and Mindfulness teacher and co-owner of Anahata Yoga Centre in Leigh on Sea. She is a Mum and a writer who is currently working on a memoir about her experiences of growing up as a Jehovah's Witness.

The poem Jude shares is 'The Gift' by Mary Oliver

The FUBF theme music is by David Goodall https://soundsmove.com 

The piano accompaniment of 'In The Bleak Midwinter' is from the UMC https://www.umcdiscipleship.org/articles/piano-accompaniment-recordings

In this bonus episode for Samhain, I talk to Vicki McFall, who is a Scottish Wiccan/Pagan. Like me, Vicki has some reservations about people (In Vicki's words, the 'dabblers') adopting or cherry-picking Celtic religious festivals (and other practices) who don't always have the accompanying spiritual practice to keep them grounded, safe, and respectful. She also has a go at online 'mediums', makers of 'spell candles', and non-indigenous co-opters of indigenous sacred practices and objects. 

Vicki's common sense and straight-talking ordinary-ness shed some light on common misconceptions about Pagans, Wiccans, witches, and their practices.

Jude reads the 'Threshold Invocation for The Festival of Samhain' from the 'Celtic Devotional' by Caitlin Matthews.  

 Rachel Cotton is an Atheist Buddhist with Jewish roots,  an autistic parent of autistic kids, and chair of Autistic Pride Reading. http://www.autisticpridereading.co.uk

In this fascinating conversation, Rachel very generously shares her faith history: her father's Judaism;  her own journey from Atheism to Tibetan Buddhism (indeed, both); her fear of death; and her love of archeology. 

Jude shares Jane Hirshfield's poem 'To Hear the Falling World' which you can read on Poetry Chaikhana  https://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/H/HirshfieldJa/ToHearFallin/index.html

 Rachel shares Thich Nhat Hanh's translation of  the Heart Sutra https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/letters/thich-nhat-hanh-new-heart-sutra-translation/

 Jack Mason-Goodall is a psychologist and psychotherapist in training, who specialises in working with autistic children and families.  

We covered a lot of ground in this uplifting conservation, but significantly,  this was the first conversation (but most definitely not the last) on this podcast, about being  F****d up by a yoga community!

Jude shares the poem 'I Live in the Woods of My Words' by Hannah Emerson https://hannah-emerson.com 

Naomi Wood  (she/they)  is a Brighton-based writer, poet, performance artist, and workshop leader.

We had a fantastic conversation about (you guessed it) being Fkd Up by the Evangelical Church, about expressions of faith, finding the sacred in nature, and -  of course -  about poetry!

Naomi shares two spoken word pieces in the podcast. Jude shares Seamus Heaney's poem 'Postcript' at the top of the show. 

Naomi's website is http://www.naomiwoodmodel.com

Instagram @naomiwoodwrites and @iamnaomiwood

Brighton Feminist Bookshop https://thefeministbookshop.com/

Hammer and Tongue - poetry slam http://www.hammerandtongue.com/brighton/

In this lively conversation, multi-media artist, Jet Black talks to me about her Jewish upbringing and the importance of being a culturally and ethnic (but not religious) Jew.  

She shares candidly about the recent death of her mother, and the anxiety of choosing an appropriately Jewish headstone amidst a plethora of opinions. 

Jude shares the poem 'Freedom' by Denise Levertov

Jet shares a verse from 'Night Comes On' by Leonard Cohen 

It was an incredible treat to speak to poet John McCullough. John is an award-winning writer, poet, and creative writing tutor, who won the Hawthornden prize for literature in 2020 for his third collection of poetry 'Reckless Paper Birds'. 

In this episode, we talk about poetry (obvs!) as well as spirituality (and the connection between the two) about mental health, queer spirituality, more poetry, and John's early church experiences as a choirboy.

I share John's poem 'Sometimes I am Visited by a Church of Rain' which is from his second collection 'Spacecraft'. John shares his poem 'Soulcraft' from his third collection 'Reckless Paper Birds'. Both are published by Penned in the Margins and can be found in all the usual book-selling places. 

https://www.johnmccullough.co.uk

http://www.pennedinthemargins.co.uk/index.php/2017/12/john-mccullough/

Dawn Lister is a Yoga and Mindfulness teacher and co-owner of Anahata Yoga Centre in Leigh on Sea. She is a Mum, and a writer who is currently working on a memoir about her experiences of growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, which - like many ex-members of the JW organisation - she considers to be a cult.  Dawn tells her fascinating - and sometimes difficult -  story of childhood and adolescence in a Jehovah's Witness family, about the process of leaving the church, and her long path to healing, wholeness, and forgiveness.   https://anahatayogacentre.com Dawn and her business partner Daniel Groom also have a wonderful podcast called 'From the Heart'  which you can find via their website or on all the usual channels.  As with many stories of being FKD UP BY FAITH, some people might find aspects of Dawn's story upsetting. 

PRAYING - by Mary Oliver

It doesn’t have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try

to make them elaborate, this isn’t

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

Revd Sheila Zeitsman is an ordained OneSpirit Interfaith Minister and faculty member for OneSpirit Interfaith Foundation.

In this fascinating conversation, Sheila shares her story of growing up as a white African in Zimbabwe, her uneasy path to faith, her ordination as a Church of Ireland priest and her later ordination as an Interfaith minister. 

Sheila's bio on the OneSpirit Website - https://www.interfaithfoundation.org/faculty

The Loving Kindness Song mentioned by Jude - sung by Jess Huetteman on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZwSMpjEb-M

Sheila's Blessing was by John O'Donohue

May all that is unforgiven in you

Be released.

May your fears yield

Their deepest tranquillities.

May all that is unlived in you

Blossom into a future

Graced with love.

--John O'Donohue ("To Come Home To Yourself"; Benedictus/To Bless the Space Between Us)

To get the ball rolling...