Future dads clubMar 29, 2019
What's in a song?
If you've ever heard a parent sing a silly song and wondered why they'd make up silly songs, then clearly there isn't any joy in your life. Erica found her memory of songs we'd sing little guy fading from memory. So what better way if memorializing dinky tunes than putting them on our podcast.
If you get an earworm, don't blame us, you've been warned.
Zarko - The first months
In this episode I have a conversation with my friend Zarko, who learned he and his partner were expecting a child. You'll get to hear Zarko consider his upcoming role as a future dad in the first trimester, in the third trimester, and once he comes up for air, in the fourth trimester.
This one way we thought of capturing his thoughts as they evolved over the duration of the pregnancy, to see the kind of growth and the considerations he'd have as a future dad awaiting his first child.
As always, feel free to share this with other future dads you may know.
Birth Experience - Part 3; Message to future dads
Birth Experience - Part 2, Dig a little deeper
In part 1, Erica shares her birth experience. I challenge her to dig a little deeper, because I know what she experienced wasn't as simple as she made it sound. Have a listen, and as always, feel free to share this podcast with a friend you think might appreciate knowing they're not alone.
Birth Experience - Part 1
In this episode, my partner shares her side of the story. I've split it into 4 parts to make what is an emotional and demanding day a little lighter yet relatable for you. If you're a future dad, I encourage you to have a listen with your partner.
We hope our story gives you something worthwhile to discuss, or highlights insights to explore.
Where are you?
What's in a birth class?
The longer I live, the more it seems, that details surrounding major life events are private and not to be discussed too openly. It could also have to do with how comfortable people are at digging a little deeper and questioning things. For example buying a car, or a house, are two things that require an appetite and stamina for bargaining and possibly not getting what you want. In a North American cultural context, where most things are off the shelf, it seems like the pain associated with an unknown experience, excuses the unnecessarily higher costs associated with these purchases. Oh yea, weddings are totally on that list as well.
When it came to my partners' pregnancy, I can't recall who told her this, but essentially it was, when you start showing, be ready for open season on the way you look, the way you feel, and the pain you'll be going through. We noticed that what people were most interested in talking about, were the, let's say, challenging highlights of their pregnancy. Morning sickness, the smells, the lack of sleep, and almost always, any unresolved trauma they underwent while giving birth. Rarely did people just ask and listen to my partner, it was almost always a variation of, "Let me tell you about this terrible experience I had, which you'll also probably have, because, that was my experience, but it's all worth it in the end! Good luck!" complete with a road runner Meep Meep and dust leaving you to contend with their 9 months of stuff. Suffice to say, my role a lot of the time was to bat away their worries from my partners current experience. Yes the baby is moving, no you're not a bad mom and you won't get diabetes from eating one donut, yes you're getting enough exercise, for every negative story that involved X situation, remember there's so and so and so person who had a healthy and positive experience.
So real talk, where is it happening in this culture, when it comes to sex, it's called the birds and the bees, and when you're an adult, it becomes, schedule that C! Folks are happy telling you they've been pregnant for 4 months, that the baby was born safe and healthy, that they won't let you sleep, and when they learn you're expecting a child the ever present advice that you should always always, opt for the drugs and schedule that C-section. So we went to a birth class a month before our due date, to supplement the information we had from our wonderful Doula, and the many books we acquired over the nine months. It was a 9 to 5 and it went into pretty good detail on what to expect before and during labor. Even had the videos that were clearly shot in the 90s. I think the most useful part for me, was seeing how other people fared. It attracted first time parents, and what I saw there was part of what got me doing this podcast.
The instructor also recalled a story about another future dad, who had suggested men consider arranging to spend 1 to 3 hours a month of alone time, with their child, male or female, and that by the time they're 12 years old, that Saturday weekend ritual with dad, will be equal to 144 hours of personalized time with daddio. The instructor then asked if anyone in the group recalls spending that much time with their father, the silence was powerful and affirming. And a bonus tip, if you have 4 children, that's one special Saturday they each have to look forward to. If you have more than 4, please let us know how you solved for this math equation.
A final note, by far the book my partner appreciated most was Ina May's Guide to Child birth. It's like a curated collection of people telling you their experiences, except they get into important details and you can put it down when you've had enough.
A moment of science
What is a good father?
Why does this matter?
Do you wanna?
We're pregnant! ....now what?
When asked what having a child meant, my friend said "History doesn't end with me", it was much more profound. The idea is that having a child activates a mortality mirror, this lil bean may create a drive in you to do better, or stay alive long enough until they're no longer dependant on you for their survival. Another friend said, "I started spin class, don't laugh, I used to make fun of it, but it's hard, and hopefully it'll help me avoid getting heart disease, I want to see my kids grow bro"
Things to goog
- Wheel of life, coactive coaching.
- White board markers for windows.
- Personal coach, pregnancy.