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Goblet Of Wine: A Drunken British Harry Potter Podcast

Goblet Of Wine: A Drunken British Harry Potter Podcast

By Harry Potter

Two British lifelong Harry Potter fans Hannah and Charlie re-read their favourite childhood book chapter by chapter with added alcohol and cynicism in fortnightly episodes!

The perfect podcast for HP fans who want to revisit the story through an adult lens (AKA, NSFW), and with the added bonus of British accents, Hannah and Charlie lovingly tear apart the books pointing out plot holes, anti-feminist moments, transphobia, fat phobia, and most of all...dick jokes. A unique combination of intelligent literary criticism one minute, and drunken chaos the next, join us on our reminiscent journey.
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Ep 75 - Order of the Phoenix 28 Part 2: So Many Dead Ft. Unbitten Podcast

Goblet Of Wine: A Drunken British Harry Potter PodcastAug 30, 2021

Ep 123 - Deathly Hallows 1: Slitty Little Crevice

Ep 123 - Deathly Hallows 1: Slitty Little Crevice

IT'S THE FINAL SEASONNNNNN...DUH NU NUUUUUH, DU NU NU NUHHHHH. Welcome to a shiny new GoW, we have a sexy new location, sexy new microphones, and sexy...jars full of teeth. We're chatting about memories of the last book, quaker oats, and peacocks. Also, does anyone know who the current prime minister is? Donate to Amy's fundraiser: ⁠⁠ HP TV Show Petition: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist -⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Merch -⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠
Dec 04, 202359:07
Ep 122 - Half Blood Prince: Howlers
Nov 15, 202301:25:01
Ep 121 - Half Blood Prince Film: I Laughed So Hard I Queefed
Oct 31, 202301:24:32
Ep. 120 - Half Blood Prince 30: Dumbledore's Poolside Funeral
Aug 23, 202301:10:54
Ep 119 - Half Blood Prince 29: Hogwart’s Morgue
Aug 02, 202301:10:13
Ep 118 - Half Blood Prince 28: Real Wizards Wear Long-Johns
Jul 18, 202301:02:07
Ep 117 - Half Blood Prince 27: Avoodle Kadoozle
Jul 03, 202301:08:33
Ep 116 - Half Blood Prince 26: BYOB (Bring Your Own Boat) ft. Witch Please
Jun 20, 202301:27:03
Ep 115 - Half Blood Prince 25: I’ve Seen Harry Potter’s Ballsack
Jun 06, 202301:33:16
Ep 114 - Half Blood Prince 24: Hannah Eats Charlie
May 23, 202301:48:48
Ep 113 - Half Blood Prince 23 Part 2: If I Piss, You Piss ft. Neil
May 09, 202301:24:16
Ep 112 - Half Blood Prince 23 Part 1: Charlie Eats Corn ft. Neil (ew)
Apr 17, 202301:20:46
Ep 111 - Half Blood Prince 22: Draco’s Lost His Tits
Apr 04, 202301:30:52
Ep 110 - Half Blood Prince 21: Sarah J Maas Might Be A Furry
Mar 13, 202356:15
Ep 109 - Half Blood Prince 20: Hand Puppet Penis
Feb 28, 202301:24:54
Ep 108 - Half Blood Prince 19: I Will Go Down With This Ship
Feb 14, 202301:06:13
Ep 107 - Half Blood Prince 18: Em’s Not A Nice Person
Jan 30, 202301:43:41
Bonus Ep - Goblet Of Mulled Wine: It's Christmas, Fuck John Mayor
Dec 24, 202245:25
Ep 106 - Half Blood Prince 17: Everyone Loves A Sexy Orphan
Dec 19, 202201:20:52
Ep 105 - Half Blood Prince 16: Harry's Maggot Hair
Dec 05, 202201:20:11
Ep 104 - Half Blood Prince 15: Unicum
Nov 21, 202201:19:19
Ep 103 - Half Blood Prince 14: Eat The Fucking Canaries ft. Swish & Flick
Oct 25, 202201:39:06
Ep 102 - Half Blood Prince 13: For Alex
Oct 10, 202201:49:48
Ep 101 - Half Blood Prince 12: Virgin And Buried ft. The Gayly Prophet
Sep 27, 202201:11:53
Ep 100 - Half Blood Prince 11: LIVE FROM LEAKYCON! - Disgusting Creature & Where To Discover Them
Sep 12, 202259:21
Ep 99 - Half Blood Prince 10: I Don’t Care If They’re Stuck In The Washing Machine, Put Your Penis Away

Ep 99 - Half Blood Prince 10: I Don’t Care If They’re Stuck In The Washing Machine, Put Your Penis Away

Oooh, what's occur gin? HELLO! We're back for our first episode post-Leaky! We're doing our Leakycon recap as well as discussing chapter 10 of Half-Blood Prince. We're talking about how incest is bad (shocking I know), Bob's big dick energy, the Pensieve auto-playing, love potions, and how Voldemort is a cranky dude who loves murder.

Content Warning: Domestic and sexual violence throughout the episode especially from 1 hour in.

All the fabulous people we mentioned from Leakycon:

Fanatical Fics -

WZRD Radio Podcast -

Swish & Flick -

Potterless -

Tonks & The Aurors -

How Airplanes Fly -

Lauren Fairweather -

Hawthorn and Holly -

Chanel Williams -

Cherry Wallis -

Rhonda -

Spreadsheet of what we've drunk -

Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist -

Merch -

Aug 30, 202201:38:46
Ep 98 - Half Blood Prince 9: Mr Big Schlong ft. Nikita
Aug 15, 202202:38:20
Ep 97 - Half Blood Prince 8: Tubby Custard Love
Aug 01, 202259:15
Ep 96 - Half Blood Prince 7: Possessed By A Seagull
Jul 18, 202201:26:03
Ep 95 - Half Blood Prince 6: Big Nose Sexy Man
Jul 04, 202201:30:32
Ep 94 - Half Blood Prince 5 (Part 2): Harry’s Morning Wood ft. Flyte
Jun 20, 202201:00:41
Ep 93 - Half Blood Prince 5 (Part 1): Just Blow On It, You're A Wizard! ft. Flyte
Jun 06, 202201:11:06
Ep 92 - Half Blood Prince 4: Horace Slughorn Is In Your Walls

Ep 92 - Half Blood Prince 4: Horace Slughorn Is In Your Walls

WE HAVE SOME NEWS! And also...a new episode. Join us as we reveal what we've been teasing for *ages* and talk about Slughorn being everyone's racist uncle and what we'd do in a zombie apocalypse. Content Warning: SA 52:00-54:00 Use code 'GOBLET' for $10 off your LeakyCon tickets: Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - The TikTok we mentioned - Merch -
May 24, 202201:21:33
Ep 91 - Half Blood Prince 3: Hannah Drinks Covid & Fecal Matter
May 09, 202201:14:26
Ep 90 - Half Blood Prince 2: For Abby
Apr 25, 202201:22:48
Ep 89 - Half Blood Prince 1: Really Dangerous Soup
Apr 11, 202201:04:45
Ep 88 - Order of the Phoenix: Reading Our Howlers
Mar 28, 202201:28:34
Ep 87 - Order of the Phoenix Film: He's Really Proud Of His Owls Ft. Conor
Mar 14, 202201:39:53
Ep 86 - Order of the Phoenix 38: Insert Speculum, Twist Speculum

Ep 86 - Order of the Phoenix 38: Insert Speculum, Twist Speculum

IT'S THE FINAL CHAPTERRRR! That's right we've *finally* finished Order of the Pheonix, and it only took us...two years? Strap in for us drinking Guinness, announcing the winner of the house cup, talking about Harry finding the mirror, Luna being bullied, Ginny being a slut, and answering the funniest end of episode question we've ever had.

Wanna send us a howler? And be featured in an episode of Goblet of Wine? Now’s your chance!

- We’re accepting voice notes about anything to do with Order Of The Phoenix! This could be theories, head canons, things we missed, questions, anything! If you’re the kind of person that listens to us and has to stop yourself replying out loud, now is your chance!

- We’d love voice notes (your phone audio will do just nicely) however if you’re really shy, we can read out an email

- Tips for sound quality: don’t record in large, echoy rooms, don’t be too far or too close from the microphone. Style it out Harry Potter style and record in the cupboard under your stairs, closet, or under the duvet covers.

- Please try to keep them within 2 minutes. We won’t blame you if they’re 2:23 seconds. But please don’t send 15 minute voice notes or we won’t be able to fit everyone in.

- Howlers must be sent by email attachment to by the 11th of March with the subject ‘howler for your attention’

- Please don’t actually yell at us. We’re very fragile.


Tiktok @gobletofwinepod

Feb 28, 202201:18:12
Ep 85 - Order of the Phoenix 37: “Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep” - Dumbledore
Feb 14, 202201:45:23
Ep 84 - Order of the Phoenix 36: Guess Who’s Back
Jan 31, 202201:11:31
Ep 83 - Order of the Phoenix 35 Part 2: Sirius Gets Eliminated ft. Neil MacQuarrie
Dec 27, 202101:14:59
Bonus Ep - Goblet Of Mulled Wine: Love Actually Is All Around (Hogwarts)
Dec 24, 202101:36:23
Ep 82 - Order of the Phoenix 35 Part 1: #ShackOfWine ft. Neil MacQuarrie
Dec 13, 202101:19:29
Ep 81 - Order of the Phoenix 34: Daddy Sorry ft. Her Dark Materials
Nov 29, 202101:21:48
Ep 80 - Order Of The Phoenix 33: I'm Gunna Rip My Skin Off
Nov 15, 202101:00:20
Ep 79 - Order of the Phoenix 32: Ghost Of A Goat
Nov 01, 202101:19:09
Ep 78 - Order of the Phoenix 31: WE'RE IN ALBANIA (Let Dumbledore Suck & Fuck)

Ep 78 - Order of the Phoenix 31: WE'RE IN ALBANIA (Let Dumbledore Suck & Fuck)

A long, *long* time ago, we promised that if we ever hit 200 Patreons we would go to Albania and record an episode in a forest. WELL, we hit 200 Patreons, we went to Albania, and today's episode is coming at you from a mother fucking forest. We're drinking Greek Amstel and Albanian Brandy, and deep diving into both the modern history of Albania and how it related to Harry Potter, as well as chapter 31 of Order of the Pheonix. Turns out Albanian history is bloody fascinating, and you can relate it back to the events in Harry Potter really well, so we really recommend you don't skip the first section. However, if you do want to we shut up about it at 31 minutes. But you will miss conversation about King Zog and pyramid schemes. Diving into chapter 31, we're talking about study techniques, fish oil, sexy villians and letting Dumbledore suck and fuck.

(Also, apologies that the audio quality during the bit we recorded in an Albanian forest isn't great, it does get better in the main episode.)

Study Playlists

Pop Goes Classical -

Hermione's Lofi Beats To Relax/Study To -

Hogwarts Classroom ASMR Noise -

Lofi chill sad relaxed vibes to study to -

Relaxing melodies -

Relaxing music with no words -

Anime Lofi -

Study with me -

Donate to the charity pub crawl:


Tiktok @gobletofwinepod

Oct 18, 202101:16:32
Bonus Ep - THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: Reacting To Our First Episode
Oct 12, 202101:27:10
Ep 77 - Order of the Phoenix 30: Gay Beefcake Centaurs
Oct 04, 202101:13:41