Gretl Guides: Vienna's FREE audio tour

This brief introduction contains information on the Gretl Guides: Vienna’s Must-Sees Tour, including the length of the route, possible fees, nearby restrooms, and other logistical concerns.

This tour begins on Stephansplatz—St. Stephen’s Square—at the center of Vienna’s first district and reachable by the U1 and U3 metro lines.

In this episode you’ll get tips on navigation and orientation, discover a hidden Gothic chapel, learn about the fate of dishonest bakers, and hear the legend of the “Stock-in-Irons.”

We now take a stroll down the "ditch," Vienna's most majestic downtown pedestrian shopping street. 

Here you'll learn how the area went from Roman moat to modern thoroughfare, encounter the stunning Pestsäule (commemorating the city's survival of the Black Death), meet Holy Roman Emperor Leopold I and discover the origins of his "Habsburg Lip," and get the opportunity to use a pretty one-of-a-kind subterranean restroom.

After hanging a left onto Kohlmarkt, head toward the imposing green dome above the entrance to the Hofburg complex. The broad, circular Michaelerplatz offers a chance to see nearly two thousand years of architectural innovation, come face-to-face with Mozart’s death mask (and learn why the location of his body is a mystery to this day) and marvel at the edible window displays and immaculate kitchens of the confectioner to kings. 

Enter the Hofburg imperial complex through the domed archway, and make your way onto the enclosed square. 

Here you’ll meet the last ruler of the 1000-year-old Holy Roman Empire, trace the growth and expansion of the palace complex as it hosted nearly seven centuries of Habsburg rulers, see the chapel where the renowned Vienna Boys Choir performs, hear about the mysterious artifacts of the Imperial Treasury (and learn why Hitler was so keen to get his hands on them), get to know the enigmatic Empress Elisabeth, and see where the renowned Lipizzaners of the Spanish Riding School perform (as well as getting the scoop on hassle-free tickets). 

Continue through the Hofburg complex to the massive open Heldenplatz. 

On this "Heroes' Square," you'll meet two of Austria’s most important military heroes (depicted here on horseback),  track the structural evolution of this “imperial forum,” stand before the balcony where Hitler announced the “Anschluß” in 1938, and learn about the economic conditions that led to Austria’s annexation. 

Cross the multi-laned Ringstrasse (being careful of tram, bike, and car traffic) and head toward the imposing monument seated between the two museums. 

Here, you’ll meet Empress Maria Theresa and her extensive family, hear about the extensive holdings of the Natural History Museum (including the world’s oldest-known human-carved statuettes), get the run-down on the collection at the Art History Museum (the crime scene of one of history’s biggest art heists), and grab the opportunity to see the city skyline from above with an optional free trip to a rooftop patio in the MQ. 

Cross back over the Ring and take a right (walking along it counter-clockwise) until you reach the lush Burggarten, on your left. 

Here you’ll have the chance to take a selfie with Mozart, meander through a verdant landscape designed by an Austrian Emperor, learn why you’re now allowed (and encouraged!) to sit on the grass,  visit the butterflies or sip coffee in a former imperial greenhouse, and catch a showing of the iconic film The Third Man at one of the world’s oldest continually-operating cinemas. 

Cutting through the park, exit at its east corner (near the Palmenhaus) and make your way up to the large terrace overlooking Albertinaplatz (the directions at the end of episode 07 include the option to take an elevator). 

From this vantage point, you’ll hear about the Albertina Museum collection and its revolutionary original admission policy, see Vienna’s Monument Against War and Fascism (the city’s first memorial to the Jewish victims of the Holocaust), learn about the political turmoil in Austria during the period leading up to the Second World War, indulge in some of Vienna’s most beloved street food (with tips on how to order a sausage and beer in Viennese dialect), and get the scoop on one of the city’s iconic deserts with the origin legend of the famous Sachertorte. 

Visit the crown jewel of the opera world!

In this episode you'll learn why locals nicknamed the State Opera a “sunken trunk” and how unfavorable opinions of this building may have led to the deaths of its architects, hear how—and why—it was bombed in World War II, marvel at the State Opera’s technological capabilities and rapidly changing repertoire, and get insider tips on standing room tickets and backstage tours. 

Cross the Ring, following Operngasse as it curves to the right. After a couple of blocks, you’ll see the gold laurel-leaf ball atop the Secession building and the array of market stands just beyond it. 

Here you'll confront the bold and decorative aesthetic of the Vienna Secession movement, wander through the fragrant stalls of the city’s largest market, sample the variety of tastes that combine to create “Austrian” cuisine, pass the “Papageno Door” of the Theater an der Wien (and say hello to one of Mozart’s closest buddies), peruse the trash and treasures of the Saturday morning “Flohmarkt” (the largest flea market in Austria). 

Make your way to expansive Habsburg summer residence by taking the U4 metro line directly to the stop “Schönbrunn.” (Further information on navigating this route—by UBahn or bike—can be found at the end of episode 10 of this tour and in the “Getting Around” episode of the Welcome to Vienna! Info Pack). 

Once you reach the palace complex, you can stroll through the meticulously manicured Baroque gardens (including two topiary mazes), hike up to the ornamental Gloriette to enjoy the same view of Vienna that emperors have for more than four centuries, waltz through the ballroom where the Congress of Vienna redrew the map of Europe in 1815 and Kennedy coined the phrase “Cold War” in 1961, meet Empress Elisabeth ("Sisi") and hear how court pressures led to some curious habits, and learn first-hand from trained pâtissiers how to prepare a perfect Apfelstrudel in the Court Bakery’s Strudel Shows. 

At the end of this episode, you’ll also receive tips and recommendations on other points of interest in the area.

Interested in just a few useful terms to get you by while you’re in town? Or maybe you plan to study German longer-term? 

This episode offers vocabulary and pronunciation tips, how to differentiate between Austrian (and Viennese) from other forms of German, the nuances of my favorite Viennese curse word, and recommendations for language learning resources. 

Dine out with the ease and confidence of a local! This episode covers navigating the menu for vegans, vegetarians, and people with allergies or dietary restrictions; seating, ordering, finding the restroom, toasting, and asking for the bill in German; how (and when) to order tap water; bill-paying etiquette (for cash and card); and tipping customs. 

Get to know your hosts in the Austrian capital! After 15+ years of living in Vienna, I’ve got two theories on what has shaped the local character. Plus, my tips on how you can better understand the Viennese while you’re here.

Everything you’ll need to know to manage your finances while you travel in Austria. Topics include how to spot a good cash machine, answering that “accept conversion?” question, why your card might not work here, and  recommended resources for handling multiple currencies.

Tips on staying safe and healthy while in Austria, including outsmarting pickpockets; a run-down of Austrian resources and phone numbers for the fire department (122), police (133), and ambulance (144); dealing with medical, sexual health, and/or pharmaceutical issues while you’re here; and hazards of the outdoors, like high altitudes and ticks. 

All the ins and outs of transit in Austria, including the best ways to get to and from the airport, taking public transportation, getting around on a bike or scooter, and the rules of the road: renting, driving, and parking for car traffic.

40,000 years of Austrian history in less time than it takes to eat a Schnitzel.