Living With Your Child's Addiction

Do you have a child or loved one struggling with addiction or mental health issues? Are you dreading the holidays? 

Happy Enough Holidays is an interactive workshop hosted by Heather Ross and Beth Syverson on Tuesday, November 14th, 4:30 -6:00 pm PST / 7:30 - 9:00 pm EST $20 for a 90-minute interactive workshop. 

Here's What You Get:   

• A Supportive Immersive Experience: Curate your holiday experience with other parents who face similar challenges and understand you during this live workshop. Custom exercises tailored to your needs and situation to help you create a clear vision for supporting yourself and your child through the holidays. 
• Reimagine Your Holidays: Rewrite the rules and set your own standards for the holidays. Uncover newfound clarity, embrace realistic expectations, and let your holiday season be a uniquely crafted experience that’s entirely your own. 
• Unlock Your Inner Strength and Resilience: Resilience isn't a fixed trait It's a muscle that can be strengthened. Together we will unlock the power within you to face holiday uncertainty head-on.  
• Two Inspiring Coaches: Heather Ross and Beth Syverson are your seasoned guides through this journey. They bring years of expertise and a wealth of knowledge in helping families navigate addiction.  

Register at https://heatherrosscoaching.com/happy-enough-holidays-2/

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with me using the link below

In a world full of responsibilities and societal expectations you may find that instead of the self-discovery and empowerment you crave, you're left feeling disconnected and unseen. It's all too common for women to lose themselves in their various life roles, especially under the immense pressure of helping a child struggling with substance use. Yet, this journey of being lost can often serve as the catalyst for finding your true self, awakening to your heart’s desires, and ultimately unleashing your empowerment as you embrace the path aligned with your true desires for yourself.

Author and speaker Debby Kerr-Henry empowers women to embrace their true selves and live a life of authenticity with embodied storytelling. Through her own personal journey of self-discovery, she has gained valuable insights into the challenges and rewards of embracing one's identity. Debbie's dedication to personal growth and her commitment to continuous learning make her a trusted resource for women seeking self-discovery and empowerment.

In this episode:

• Cultivate a healing environment in your family by embracing personal stories and fostering understanding and empathy.
• Release your conditioning about self-care being selfish and experience the benefits of daily wellness practices and receiving support.
• Discover your inner strength and unlock your full potential through self-empowerment and personal growth.
• Step out of the scripted narrative about who you're supposed to be and embrace embodiment as a transformative tool for self-discovery.

Contact Debby:

Website: https://momentousliving.com/momentous-health/debby-kerr-henry/

Embodiment: https://momentousliving.com/embodiment/3/

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with me using the link below

Heather and Pam Lanhart from Thrive Family Recovery Resources dive deep into a topic that's often misunderstood in the world of recovery: ambivalence. It can be one of the most challenging aspects that families face when dealing with a loved one's journey towards change. Ambivalence is complex but often oversimplified and stigmatized which leads to shame, blame, and labeling. Open and honest conversations about ambivalence are crucial in normalizing it within the change process. It’s important to look at our own struggles with ambivalence to help us understand the struggles and the challenges faced by our loved ones.

Some topics covered in this episode include:

• When your child asks for treatment but doesn’t follow through
• How to respond to the call that your child wants to leave treatment early
• What drives the motivation for change
• Strategies for responding to a return to use

Learn more about Pam and Thrive Family Recovery Resources

Living your life fully and wholeheartedly even when you're in a challenging place. That's the focus of part 2 of Heather's conversation with Barb Klein, Family Recovery Coach and the Author of 111 Invitations Step Into the Full Richness of Life.

Topics covered in this episode:

• How not to abandon yourself
• Honoring yourself
• Cultivating a heart that can hold it all
• The importance of daily practices that work for you

Learn more about Barb Klein

Website https://www.inspiredpossibility.com/resources.html

Book https://www.amazon.com/111-Invitations-Barb-Klein/dp/1504355261/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1470745309&sr=8-1&keywords=111+invitations

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

September Invitation to Change Learning/Support Group Use the link below to find out about the Invitation to Change support group Heather is hosting.

Author of 111 Invitations Step Into the Full Richness of Life and Family Recovery Coach Barb Klein shares her experience loving and supporting her son Nate through his struggles with substances and an eating disorder for over 13 years. She shares how it’s important to live your life fully and independent of your child’s experience and find peace and possibility beyond the pain.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Barb’s son Nate and her experience parenting him
• The significance of the words you use to describe your child
• Viewing your child as an empowered adult rather than a sick child
• The challenges of eating disorders

Learn more about Barb Klein

Website https://www.inspiredpossibility.com/resources.html

Book https://www.amazon.com/111-Invitations-Barb-Klein/dp/1504355261/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1470745309&sr=8-1&keywords=111+invitations

Mary Tilson is a Certified Professional Recovery Coach, Trauma-informed Yoga and Meditation Teacher, the Founder of Sun & Moon Sober Living, and a person in long-term recovery. There is so much you can learn by listening to Mary's journey from substance use to recovery. Instead of focusing on your differences, Mary’s story offers a chance to recognize our shared human experiences.  Look for your common ground, and discover the similarities that connect us all.

In this episode, you'll uncover valuable insights on healing, support, and connecting with your child to create lasting changes within your family.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Mary’s journey to recovery
• How to create the space between impulse and action
• Supporting someone through a reoccurrence of use
• What makes Mary feel supported in recovery

Contact Mary

Learn the unique advantages of using Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) to support your child’s recovery journey with guest Gail Embt, a Certified CRAFT Clinician. CRAFT offers powerful tools, yet many professionals and parents who need it don’t know about it. Whether you’re seeking solutions or understanding, this episode offers valuable insights to support your family.  

 Topics covered in this episode:

• CRAFT overview
• The benefits of CRAFT for you and your child
• Using existing knowledge to support change
• Navigating setbacks

Contact Gail/Recovery Club America to learn more about Parent Inner Circle

In this episode, we hear from Susie Armstrong, a multi-talented writer, healer, actor, artist, mother, and one of the key figures in Heather’s recovery journey for 8 years.  Every time you've heard Heather refer to her counselor, she’s talking about Susie.

Susie's journey has been shaped by her unique experiences and her commitment to sharing love through various mediums. As a Life Coach, Certified Hypnotist, and Certified EFT Practitioner, she has guided countless individuals on their paths to self-discovery and personal growth.

Some of the topics discussed in this episode are:

•  The difference between reactions and responses and why that matters 
• How to regulate your emotions when you feel reactive   
• How to identify when you’re triggered and how it affects your relationships
• How triggers relate to beliefs about ourselves

This episode offers a rich tapestry of wisdom and practical advice, meant to inspire you to navigate life's challenges with love, mindfulness, and authentic self-discovery. Whether you're seeking to deepen your connections, overcome triggers, or start your journey of self-forgiveness, Susie's insights provide valuable guidance for all aspects of personal growth.

How to Contact Susie or Find Her Books:

Heather talks to Michelle Weidenbenner the founder of Moms Letting Go and the All-Mighty Mom Tribe. Michelle is a passionate advocate, podcaster, and author dedicated to stopping the stigma of substance use disorder and providing hope, courage, and support to moms with addicted loved ones. Her latest book, "Unhackable Moms of Addicted Loved Ones, Closing the Gap between Havoc and Hope," offers a 30-day program for healing.

Topics discussed in this episode:

• Coping with relapse and supporting long-term recovery
• Helping your child see you aren’t blaming or shaming them
• Raising grandkids while also maintaining a connection with your child
• Taking a team approach to recovery
• Self-leadership for moms finding their true purpose 

Contact Michelle

In this episode, we have the pleasure of speaking with author Pamela Brinker, whose book "Conscious Bravery: Caring for Someone with Addiction” explores the intersection of parenting and substance use. Pamela shares her personal experiences and insights, starting with her journey that led her to write the book. We dive into the concept of conscious bravery and how it relates to her work, emphasizing the importance of personal growth even when faced with a child struggling with substance use. We explore the profound impact that her experience with her son's substance use had on her parenting style and the transformative power of waking up to a more conscious way of living.

A few of the topics covered in the episode:

Cultivating conscious bravery

Building discomfort tolerance

Discovering and connecting with your essence

The impact your personal growth has on your child

In this episode, Heather discusses the misunderstood emotion of anger and explores its valuable purpose. The discomfort that anger causes can lead to numbing and distracting behaviors that keep you from tapping into anger’s powerful messages. Heather offers 5 insights about anger to help you embrace and learn from it, and a 3 step process to move through your anger.  Listen and gain a new perspective on anger and learn to unlock its hidden wisdom.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

New Support Group Starting in June Use the link below to find out about the Invitation to Change support group Heather is hosting.

Join Heather and guest Andrea Seydel from the Saving You is Killing Me podcast as they delve into the challenging world of supporting loved ones struggling with addiction. In this episode, they share their experience with the stigmatized beliefs surrounding the term "enabling" and offer alternative perspectives that prioritize compassion, support, and understanding.

Together they explore the negative connotations associated with the term "enabler" and challenge the beliefs that perpetuate shame and judgment. Heather and Andrea invite listeners to reframe their perspectives in order to create an environment that fosters healing, growth, and positive change for both their loved ones and themselves.

Tune in to discover how shifting our mindset and embracing compassionate support can transform the way we approach recovery. A few topics covered in this episode:

·      Rethinking the term enabling

·      Heather and Andrea’s personal experiences

·      The dangers of shame, silence, and stigmatized help

·      Helpful vs unhelpful helping

·      Normalizing the desire to help

·      The importance of self-care

Previous episodes Andrea was on :

Heather and guest Marcie Steinberg discuss her journey of reliance and transformation. Hear her heartfelt account of learning that attending a wilderness program was just the first step in her son’s recovery journey and how she pivoted to learn the skills she needed to walk beside her son on her own recovery journey. 

Some topics discussed in this episode:

Learning that addiction/recovery is a marathon, not a sprint

Coping with your adolescent child being away from home while attending a long-term recovery program

Lessons learned when her son came home from treatment without enough support

The services Marcie used to help her navigate supporting her son

Marcie’s personal journey of recovery and finding hope

Contact Marcie:

msteinberg0204@gmail.com

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 call with me using the link below

In this episode, Heather speaks with Catherine Becker, founder of the nonprofit group Joys and Challenges of Relative Caregivers, along with her daughter Katie, who shares her perspective as someone in recovery from substance use disorder and a mother whose children were adopted by her parents.

Catherine shares her experience of becoming a full-time parent to her grandchildren. She explains how she started her nonprofit group to provide support and connection for relative caregivers, and how it has grown to provide financial assistance, programs for families, and a 24/7 online interactive forum.

Katie shares her emotional experience of losing her children when her parents adopted them, how her mother's love and support helped her get into recovery, and how her recent recovery has brought her back into co-parenting with her mother. Catherine and Katie also discuss how this situation affects relationships with other family members and offer advice for other relative caregivers.

Addiction within a family can be a challenging experience, particularly when more than one family member is affected. Whether it's a child or a spouse, the common thread is the experience of stigma and shame. In this episode, guest Amanda Lockyer from Addiction Makes Three, shares her experience as a wife, and Heather shares her experience as a mother. They candidly discuss how shame and stigma made everything harder for them at the beginning of their journeys with their loved ones. Both women felt isolated without support and disconnected from their loved ones. As they reflect on their journeys, they discuss how shame, stigma, and fear caused them to stray from their values as a wife and mother. Despite these challenges, Amanda and Heather share their journeys towards self-compassion and self-forgiveness, which helped them become better support systems for their loved ones. They reflect on how getting back in touch with their values helped them tap into their internal guidance systems and support their loved ones from a place of compassion and understanding. Tune in to this episode to learn more about the challenges that families face when living with substance use, and how it's possible to overcome shame and stigma to become a better support system for your loved ones and yourself.

Jeff Foote, PhD co-founder of the Center For Motivation and Change and author of Beyond Addiction How Science and Kindness Help People Change answers questions submitted by members of Heather's Invitation to Change groups and Facebook group.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Talking to your child about substance use when there are no green light moments
• How parents can use Motivational Interviewing in conversations with their child
• Processing fears about relapse and helping with relapse prevention
• How to introduce mental health professionals to the concepts in Beyond Addiction
• Why your child that's using substances can't show gratitude for the help you offer them

Prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental health is essential when navigating the challenges of supporting a child struggling with substances. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, but rather necessary for your own well-being so you can support your child in a sustainable way. Today's guest Corinne Crabtree is a master weight and life coach. Her program isn’t about WHAT you eat, it’s about WHY you eat when you’re not hungry and how to take better care of yourself. Self-care encompasses various aspects, including how you eat, sleep, and think about yourself. It's important to practice self-compassion, forgive yourself for any perceived failures, and cultivate positive self-talk. Your mindset and self-perception play a crucial role in your overall well-being. Developing a healthy self-concept can greatly contribute to your ability to manage the difficult circumstances you face when you have a child struggling with substances.

Topics covered in this episode:

• How to take care of yourself during hard seasons in life
• What emotional eating is and why we do it
• How eating and thoughts are connected
• Why it's hard to stick with behavior changes

Heather and guest Cordelia Kraus talk about addiction, recovery, and parenting while challenging traditional beliefs and exploring alternative perspectives and approaches to what “it works” means. Their hope is to provide insights, information, and support while encouraging thoughtful reflection and understanding in navigating the complexities of addiction and recovery within a family context.

The statement "it works" generally implies that a particular approach or strategy is effective in achieving its intended outcome. Many parents’ only intended outcome is for their child to achieve and maintain abstinence or sobriety. This may not be applicable or effective for everyone though. Recovery from substance use disorder is a complex and individualized process, and different approaches may be more appropriate for different people based on their unique circumstances, motivations, and preferences.

It's crucial for parents to be open to understanding and respecting their children's perspectives and desires, and to consider a range of approaches that may be appropriate for their child's unique needs, rather than imposing a one-size-fits-all approach based on preconceived notions of what "it works" means. An effective response to substance use involves flexibility, adaptability, and a willingness to collaborate with your child to find approaches that truly work for their well-being and growth. Cordelia Kraus, LPC, CADC- became passionate about working with families struggling with their loved one's substance use after going through her own experiences as a mom. Cordelia runs the website HelpingFamiliesHelp.com: a website that connects families with CRAFT-based resources and offers community and support for the providers who serve them. She has a private practice in Portland, Oregon.

Topics discussed in this episode:

• What “it works” means  
• How to show up with love in times of fear   
• What the CRAFT 70% number really means  
• A more inclusive definition of recovery    
• The pitfall of wanting to go back to your pre-substance use life

Heather Interviewed parent coach Cathy Taughinbaugh. As a result of her journey with her own child's drug use, Cathy wanted to become an advocate for parents and create awareness about substance use disorder. Cathy is the author of The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Substance Use. She is also the creator of the Regain Your Hope online course. Cathy has Level 1 Certification in Invitation to Change and facilitates ITC groups. Her mission is to support parents through the struggle of having a child misuse drugs or alcohol.

A Few Topics Covered in This Episode:

• What family recovery is
• The unique perspective of Cathy's book The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Substance Use
• How Cathy helps parents work through their fears about enabling
• Lessons Cathy has learned over the many years she's been parent coaching
• What to do when nothing has helped your family so far

Learn more about Cathy Tuaghinbaugh:

Addiction is influenced by bio-psycho-social factors, yet biology has been mostly left out of treatment considerations - until now. Dr Evelyn Higgins from Wired For Addiction® created a genetic test that measures brain chemicals, hormones, and specific genes linked to risk taking, impulse control, addiction, depression, and anxiety. Measuring those risk factors takes the guesswork out of treatment and make it specific to each person’s individual needs.

In this episode you will learn:

How the Wired For Addiction genetic test works

How the results of the test are used to form an individualized holistic approach to treatment

How our environment impacts our genetic expression

Find out more about Wired For Addition:

Website https://www.wiredforaddiction.com/

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

NEW GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you want coaching about your child's addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

Adoptees are almost twice as likely to develop substance use disorder. That statistic gave Beth Syverson insight into why her adopted son Joey was struggling with substances.  Beth is using her lived experience to help adoptive parents who are coming "out of the fog" and realizing the adoption that created their family also created trauma for their child. Even if you haven't been touched by adoption this episode will give you insight into the impact of trauma and mental health struggles. 

Learn more about Beth Syverson, the Unraveling Adoption podcast, and APtitude support group:

https://www.unravelingadoption.com/

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

NEW GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you want coaching about your child's addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

Shame doesn't just show up in your mind, it shows up in your closet too.  When you're struggling with your child's addiction and life is throwing challenge after challenge your way; self-care and what you put on your body might not be a priority. Heather talks with master certified coach and personal stylist Judith Gaton about how your thoughts and feelings about yourself are reflected in what you wear and how you care for yourself.

A few of the topics covered in the episode:

• Nothing is wrong with you if the pants don't fit
• Going through your closet & thoughts to decide what to keep
• It's not about dressing up, it's about taking care of yourself

Want to learn more about Judith?

Do you feel guilty or blame yourself a lot? Forgiving yourself is the path to emotional freedom and connection.  If you feel guilty about something you did or didn't do or you're blaming yourself for your child's substance use then forgiving yourself is how you work through it. If you don't forgive yourself, the guilt and blame keep you stuck. In this episode, Heather gives you 5 steps to self-forgiveness.  

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

NEW GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you want coaching about your child's addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

Every parent experiences anxiety worrying about their kids, but parents who are watching a child struggle with substance use experience even more intense levels of anxiety and more instances of it. 

It doesn't have to be that way though.  You can start changing your anxiety experience today. All you have to do is take the time to bring yourself into the present moment so you can define the emotion under the anxiety, listen to what that emotion is telling you,  process it, and reframe your thoughts about it. 

In this episode you will learn:

• What anxiety is and why it's important
• The four ways we react to anxiety
• The source of anxiety
• The steps you can take to manage it TODAY

This episode was previously published 1/21/21

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

New Support Group Starting in June Use the link below to find out about the Invitation to Change support group Heather is hosting.

Heather talks to guest Gillian Tietz who is the host of Sober Powered, a top 50 mental health podcast, and the founder of Sober Powered Media, a podcast network with 5 other top mental health podcasts. Gill was Heather's first guest on the podcast for episode #9. In that episode, they talked about some of the science behind substance use. This time Gill is here to talk about her Living a Sobered Powered Life support group. Many parents feel like they are their child's only support person. Family support is critical, but your child needs additional support options from people who understand them if they are struggling.

In this episode we discuss:

• Details about the Living a Sober Powered Life support group
• Why all paths to recovery are valid and important
• The value of support on the recovery journey
• A peak behind the scenes of Sober Powered Media

Episodes To Listen To Next:

Today marks one year since Helanna passed away from a fentanyl overdose. This podcast would not exist without Helanna so her interview is being released again to honor her memory. It is one of the most listened-to episodes on the podcast.  Heather also shares some of the realizations she's had since Helanna passed, in an updated intro to the episode. 

 Link to find Naloxone If you can't find Naloxone using the link, search for a recovery alliance or harm reduction organization in your county.  

Original Episode Show Notes: This week I got to interview my daughter.  You've been hearing my experience of her addiction so I think that it's important to hear what her experience was like. 

Some of the questions I asked: 

•  I learned a few new things and had some realizations while listening to her insight and I ended up sharing some things I've never shared before. 
• What was it like when I expected her to be ok to make me feel better instead of me being stable for her? 
• What else did I do that wasn’t helpful to her? 
• What did I do that was helpful to her? 
• Is there anything I could have done differently to help her not struggle with addiction? 
• What did she get out of using substances? 
• What made her want to get sober? 
• What has relapsing taught her? 
• What makes her feel supported in sobriety?

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

NEW GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you want coaching about your child's addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

Did you know we can want two things that contradict each other at the same time? It's called ambivalence and it's a complex emotion. It’s part of the messiness of being human. When we feel complex competing emotions the last thing we want is someone to minimize how we feel by oversimplifying it, yet that’s what we do when we label our kid’s ambivalence about substances as denial or accuse them of not being serious about recovery. It's possible for your child to want to quit using substances and keep using them. 

3 things you’ll learn in this episode:

• Ambivalence is normal
• Ways we all experience ambivalence
• How to leverage understanding your child’s behavior

Episodes to listen to next:

Heather interviewed Certified Master Breathwork Facilitator Victoria Starr. Your breath is your body's only system that is voluntary and under your control. Intentional breathing can reduce anxiety, help with sleep and digestion, increase energy, boost the immune system, and lower blood pressure. You experience the most peace in the present moment, even during stressful situations. Projecting into the future, getting stuck in negative thought loops, and disconnecting from your body changes your breathing and keeps you stuck in fight or flight. Changing your breathing pattern has an immediate impact on your mind and body.

A few things you'll learn from the episode:

• What RESET breathwork is and how it is different from other breathwork
• The difference between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system and why understanding them matters
• How we store unprocessed emotions in our body and the problems it causes

Episodes to listen to next:

Do you know that the amount of stress you feel and the intensity of the emotions you feel along with it are based on your beliefs about your ability to handle the situation? The amount of stress you feel comes from your thoughts rather than the situation.  That means stress can be reduced by gaining the skills you need to handle the situation and being intentional with how you think about it.  Otherwise, you get stuck worrying, not learning the skills you need and you increase your stress instead of regulating it.  When you understand the difference between worry, stress, anxiety, and overwhelm and understand where they happen in your body and how they affect you, you are no longer at the effect of them.  Understanding these nuances creates emotional intelligence.  This helps you relieve stress, diffuse conflict, and overcome challenges when you're living with your child's addiction.

Episodes to Listen to next:

In celebration of National Recovery Month, Heather talks to guest Pam Lanhart about her own family's recovery and how she supports other families in their recovery. Pam is passionate about helping families use evidence-based best practices to help families find peace, stay regulated, create the conditions that support recovery and move their loved ones toward change. She believes that a healthy family gives their loved ones the best opportunity to activate recovery. Pam is a certified family recovery coach, peer recovery specialist, Invitation to Change and CRAFT practitioner and Arise trained interventionist.

3 topics you'll hear in this episode:

1. What recovery as a parent means to Pam

2. How her recovery has changed her life

3. Pam's advice for parents that feel like things will never get better

Pam's Resources:

Thrive Family Recovery Resources: https://thrivefamilyrecoveryresources.org/

Pam's website and book https://pamlanhart.com/

If this podcast has helped you, please help Heather reach other parents by leaving a review. Leaving a review is like referring the podcast to someone who needs it. You can also share the podcast directly with other parents or share it on social media. Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss any new episodes.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

New Support Group Starting in June Use the link below to find out about the Invitation to Change support group Heather is hosting.

Heather is hosting a free CRAFT workshop about positive communication Wednesday, September 21st at 7 PM EST. Studies show that 70% of people who use CRAFT are likely to get their loved ones to seek treatment within a year. CRAFT also helps family members improve their own lives whether their loved one seeks treatment or not. 

CRAFT is an acronym for Community Reinforcement And Family Training - a scientifically supported, evidence-based, clinically proven approach to helping families of substance users. CRAFT originated at the University of New Mexico and was developed by Robert Meyers, Ph.D., and colleagues. Research and clinical trials have given evidence that with the right tools, families can effect change.  

CRAFT has 3 goals:     

1.  Teach you skills to take care of yourself 

2.  Teach you skills to help your loved one change 

3.  To reduce substance use  

Beth, Joey, and Heather talk about how CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) and coaching transformed their family so you can hear real-life examples of how this work can change your family too. The highlights of this episode are hearing how Joey feels about the changes he made and how Beth's mindset has shifted about Joey's substance use and the peace of mind she creates for herself.  Joey doesn't know how CRAFT or coaching works, but he knows how it feels to him. That's a beautiful testament to how much impact and influence you can have as a parent.

Some of the main topics discussed:

1. How taking the focus off your child and putting it on yourself impacts your family's experience of your child's addiction.
2. It's important to redefine parenting when your child is struggling with addiction - what worked before will no longer work.
3. Connection is the goal instead of sobriety. 

Episodes to listen to next:

On August 31st, 2021 Heather spoke at the Volusia County Recovery Alliance Keeping Hope event.  It was their 4th annual overdose awareness and remembrance day held in Daytona, Florida.  The event is in honor of International Overdose Awareness Day which acknowledges the grief felt by families and friends and remembers those who have died due to drug overdose. The day helps reduce the stigma of Substance Use Disorder (SUD), showing that recovery is possible and that overdoses can be prevented. 

Heather's speech focuses on:

1. Remembering and honoring Helanna

2. What Heather wants others to know regarding the stigma associated with overdose

3. Her encouragement and guidance for others who have lost a loved one

Heather Interviews author Susan Lynch. Her memoir Life After Kevin A Mother's Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Led the Way is a story about finding meaning when life challenges you in the hardest ways, healing through community, spiritual connection, and the transformation that comes from learning how to sit with intensely painful emotions to gain answers and clarity.

Susan’s son Kevin died from multiple drug intoxication in 2015. She kept the cause of his death a secret for 2 years because of shame and stigma. Shame separates us from community and connection.  It also keeps us from seeing that we need help. 

3 Things you'll learn in this episode:

1. How Shame kept Susan silent and the impact it had on her grief
2. How Susan's dogs helped her heal
3. Connecting with and receiving guidance from someone that has died

Do you feel like you're failing because your child isn't sober yet? Supporting your child through their addiction is a marathon, not a sprint. The belief that "it's not working" can be very painful and cause you a lot of frustration. It can also make it harder for you to regulate your emotions around your child. When you have other measures for success on your journey, then you create rewards for yourself for the changes you're making and the tools you're learning and using. Those rewards give you the momentum you need to keep moving forward. They also make it easier for you to connect with your child. 

Episodes to Listen to next:

Heather shares 3 steps that will set the tone for how you and your child experience the boundaries you set. These steps will also make it easier for you to uphold the boundaries after you set them.

This episode is a prequal to episode #10 about how to set boundaries. It’s what you need to do BEFORE you set a boundary.

The 3 steps are:

1. Like your reason for setting the boundary

2. Decide ahead of time what you think about the boundary

3. Know your yes

Episodes to Listen to next:

Heather talks about the stages of change model. Making major changes that last concerning substance use is not easy for our kids. Knowing and understanding the stage of change your child is in will help you know what to do to support them and remove barriers to make it easier for them to move to the next stage.  

3 things you’ll learn from the episode:

The 6 stages of change

What happens in each stage

Strategies for motivating change and offering support at each stage

Episodes to Listen to next:

Heather and returning guest Kelly Hatcher talk about what it was like when their kids went to rehab. They both experienced a major gap between their expectations about what rehab and sobriety would be like vs reality. Addiction and recovery are complex. Rehab and sobriety are stops on a lifetime journey. They are not destinations. Heather and Kelly hope that that by sharing their experience it will make rehab and sobriety easier for you and help you support your child as well.

3 things you’ll take away from the episode:

The unrealistic expectations Heather and Kelly had before their kids went to rehab (maybe you have the same expectations)

Their reality check – what the experience was really like

Heather & Kelly’s advice for you based on their experiences with multiple rehabs

Episodes to Listen to next:

When you're supporting your child through addiction, there are many uncomfortable and even painful experiences. The more capacity you have to tolerate emotional pain, the more capable and confident you feel about yourself and your ability to support your child. A willingness to learn from any experience, openness to change, and the capacity to express unpleasant feelings leads to emotional strength and resilience. Being able to experience your own emotional pain also makes it easier for you to tolerate the discomfort of your child's emotional pain as well. It also makes it easier to engage in difficult conversations.  Emotional mastery is an essential skill to help you through your journey with your child's addiction.  

Topics Discussed In This Episode: 

How emotions only last 90 seconds 

Why some emotions seem to last longer than 90 seconds 

How allowing and feeling your unpleasant emotions leads to a life you love 

Why we use distractions to avoid feelings 

Harm reduction is a set of practical strategies and ideas aimed at reducing negative consequences associated with drug use. It incorporates a spectrum of strategies that includes safer use, managed use, abstinence, meeting people who use drugs “where they’re at,” and addressing conditions of use along with the use itself. Harm reduction is critical to keeping people who use drugs alive and as healthy as possible. 

Some of the topics discussed in this episode:

The 8 principles of harm reduction

Examples of harm reduction strategies for family members

How harm reduction helps with stigma

Boundaries

Links from this episode:

How many times have you heard you can only help yourself? It's critical to help yourself, but it's not the only thing you can do. You can invite change in your child and create space for them to decide they want to change. We're constantly told that our kids won't change unless they want to, but we're rarely told that we can create favorable conditions for them to want to change. You can help your child.

Episode to listen to next:

Join Heather as she explores three vital messages that can transform your perspective and help you navigate your  journey with renewed strength and resilience:

1. Your Personal Recovery Matters: Discover the significance of your own healing journey and why it's equally important alongside your child's recovery. Heather shares insights into dispelling the stigma surrounding addiction and the transformation of understanding.

2. You Are Not Alone: Suffering in silence is a heavy burden. Explore the healing power of community and the importance of connecting with others who share similar experiences. Together, we find solace and support.

3. Connecting Through Love: Learn why connecting with your child through love, not guilt or shame, is paramount. Through personal stories, Heather illustrates the profound impact of love in building resilient relationships.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with me using the link below

We're always dancing with the fine line between help and support that comes from a place of love and fixing that comes from a place of fear. Fear can show up in such sneaky ways that you don't realize you're trying to fix your child again.  The way out of that is going to the "safe zone" of focusing on connection. In this episode I give you 4 ways to identify that you're in fear and 3 ways to stop fixing and start connecting again.

If you want coaching about your child's addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/SampleSession

For additional resources:

Sign up for my free guide 3 Steps To Stay Sane When Your Child Is Struggling with Addiction - How to Move Forward With Confidence TODAY

http://heatherrosscoaching.com/3-simple-steps/

Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/heatherrosscoaching

Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/heatherrosscoaching/

Even I struggle with fears of enabling. For many years I was a student of the tough love approach, trying to control, and beliefs that didn’t serve me about addiction. No matter how much time I put into creating beliefs that serve me and learning healthy ways to support Helanna, the fear of enabling rather than helping her was always there.

As the result of much introspection about where things went wrong and insight from Helanna’s journal, I want to share 3 things I wish I did differently last year and why I wish I had done them differently.

This is not about blame. It’s about being open minded and learning from the past.

I went into this episode with intention and 3 important factors:

1. Tons of self compassion

2. Knowledge that I could have done all three of those things differently and Helanna still could have died

3. Hope that sharing my experience will make it easier for you to make the best possible decision for your family when faced with similar situations

I can’t change what happened, but I can use it to give you perspective in the tremendously difficult area of navigating your child’s addiction.

Are you interested in the Implementing CRAFT Workshop that starts Monday 4/11/22?

Guest Nicole Kosanke, one of the authors of the book Beyond Addiction How Science And Kindness Help People Change and I talk about the book. Hear powerful insights about using CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), positive reinforcement, and other strategies to help yourself and your child that's struggling with addiction.

In this episode we discuss:

• What's happening in your child's brain during active addiction & during recovery.
• What CRAFT is and what people struggle with the most to implement it in their life.
• Enabling and tough love.
• Is relapse a part of recovery?
• Is using a choice?
• How we can mitigate the risks of fentanyl.

More resources about CRAFT:

How you show up for yourself determines how you experience your child's addiction. We aren't wired to be happy all the time. Struggling is inevitable and it's normal. There's wisdom in all our emotions, even the most difficult ones. We need to honor all the feelings that our life circumstances are triggering. Struggling well gives us new perspective so we don't get stuck in apathy. When we embrace the growth and change that our struggle is showing us we can grow and move forward through trying and even traumatic events.   

Guest Andrea Seydel and I  discussed:

Honoring where you are in your individual journey

Struggling well looks different at different times in your life

How we struggle well and build resilience in the process

The 5 steps to struggling well

What to listen to next: