Holy Wild Birth

This is an episode about loss, specifically first- and second-trimester loss.

They say that 1 out of 4 of women will experience miscarriage at some point in their childbearing years. This is not uncommon, but it is often hidden and unspoken.

In this episode, we hope to bring our own stories -- as well as the stories and wise reflections of our friends in the Believing Birth Keepers Circle -- into the light. We hope that hearing of them will communicate to you that you are not alone and that perhaps you will hear your own heart and experience mirrored in what is shared here, then paired with a powerful hope.

These stories include experiences of being very well supported and also very much alone. There are stories of the miscarriage process happening at home as well as in the hospital, with varying degrees of medical intervention. These are stories of grief, and also stories of meeting Jesus in places of great sorrow.

Be warned that this episode is long, and of course, the content is sad. Please take your time and take care of yourself as you listen through this at a pace and in a place that is best for you. If that means skipping this episode altogether, that's ok too.

CONNECT

This is our first FTM home birth story! So often we think that only moms who have already had a baby in the hospital have a home birth. NOT TRUE! Brooke's first was born at home, too, but today we have a beautiful guest mama to share her experience of having her first baby at home.

Ella's first pregnancy was a surprise, but she was pretty clear right out of the gate about her desire to have a home birth, even though some voices around her said they'd never have been brave enough to have a first baby at home. Even with some scary first trimester incidents, and even when she was thrown a couple of curve balls at the beginning of her labor, she went on to have a beautiful and pretty textbook home birth, keeping her curiosity and connection very much online through it all. Her story shows how home birth is a wonderful choice for first-time moms!

But breastfeeding turned out to be the bigger challenge. Ella had to navigate her self-judgment for "failing" to live up to some cherished ideals, connect with her underlying values, and make some compromises to give her baby what he needed in order to thrive (and herself too!). Her message for moms here is SO important.

Ellla is a jazz singer and a teacher of somatic practices (hello, nervous system regulation!). You can find her and her music/work here:

CONNECT WITH LAUREN AND BROOKE

How do you know when your family is complete or when you're "done" having babies? What does God's word have to say about having babies and how many? What if you and your husband have differing convictions about how many children to have?

In this episode, we're going to get personal about our own personal convictions and journies up to this point... while simultaneously giving a very NO one-size-fits-all answer to the above questions.

We know this is a topic that comes up a LOT in the FB groups we moderate, so we hope this episode will give some good fodder for discerning conversations between you, your husband, and the Lord.

CONNECT

Taleitha Selby, wife and 4x homebirth momma, tells the story of her 3rd pregnancy and birth that she attributes to breaking her out of the mold of what she thought birth was. Listen to her share her story of how stepping out from how she had always done things prepared her for an accidental unassisted precipitous birth and self-led neonatal resuscitation.

Our conversation also turned to the end caps of the physical life on this earth, as returning both to birth and death to the home holds special places in both of our hearts.

CONNECT

They aren't stone statues, and we don't bow down on a literal knee, but they're idols all the same.

Certain "brands"/styles of mothering, nutritional principles/disciplines, birth choices or outcomes, birth attendant titles/positions.... we're tearing 'em down in today's episode.

That may seem strange coming from a couple of passionately opinionated gals like us, but we're striving to keep all things rightly ordered.

Mentioned in this episode:

Arguably, one of the most important decisions you'll make about your birth is not WHERE or HOW you give birth but WHOM will be there with you. For an expectant mother, the birth team MATTERS and we have some things to offer up for consideration as you're selecting your attendants. 

The lesser-known other side of the coin is how important it is for a birth attendant to carefully select which mamas/families she will serve. If that sounds iffy to you, this episode is a must listen for you, too!

We cover:

...and more!

RESOURCES mentioned in this episode:

You know the story of Abraham, right? Of how God told him it was time to hit the road and go to... a place he would show him later (huh?!). In other words, "Pack up everything you have and everyone in your family and get going. But you don't get to know the destination just yet." How do you plan a road trip (with thousands of livestock, nonetheless) when this is all you have to go on? FAITH is what carried that man forward.

As Marina shared her story with me for this episode, that biblical story kept coming to mind because the similarities are many. Walking in faith, Marina and her (big!) family ended up in places they didn't expect to be -- metaphorically and literally -- for the birth of their 8th baby. It wasn't always easy, but in the end, it was just right.

May you be encouraged also, dear listener, to walk by faith. Like Abraham. And Marina. 

Grace took a long, meandering path to home-birthing her 4th baby, and that path was inexorably intertwined with her conversion to eastern orthodoxy. You'll love hearing how the practices, perspectives, and prayers of her faith informed her journey through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

We touch on facing the fear of death, the church's discomfort with the feminine, offering up our suffering to Christ... and much more.

If you missed it, there was recently a court case in Nebraska that made the mainstream media and was even televised on Court TV. The state of Nebraska brought charges against traditional midwife Angela Hock (aka Angee). Angee is a friend of ours and for the three years leading up to her trial, we've been prayerfully holding vigil. We wept when the verdict was declared: NOT GUILTY.

By baby #4, Tori and her husband were united on the plan to have a home birth, but they had to find a midwife. Using a local FB group to gather recommendations, they ended up finding a wonderful Mennonite midwife to work with, and what resulted was a simple, beautiful birth and a new friendship. 

It's a new year and with that come new year resolutions which often include various forms of SELF-CARE.

As moms and women we're so often told not to forget to take care of ourselves, to fill our own cup so that we can pour out on others. And while none of that is entirely WRONG, it often seems shallow or laughably unattainable. 

That is until you redefine self-care and bring it into alignment with what your soul is really thirsty for. 

In this episode, Lauren and Brooke dig into what self-care is and isn't. We cover:

And more!

Grab your mug of hot beverage and listen in. 

Mentioned in this episode: 

Today's episode is for those of you who deeply desire a home birth or unassisted birth but whose husbands are not sold on the idea.⁠

⁠

We'll cover things like: ⁠

❤️ Why dads might be opposed or resistant⁠

❤️ What our response as Christian wives should be⁠

❤️ Tools for having a conversation that might bring you onto the same page⁠

And more!⁠

Oh, and this episode also has a special secret guest appearance that I'll think you'll really appreciate. ⁠

We're on a season break after this episode, so we'll see you back here in January. 

Preparing for birth without preparing for postpartum is like preparing for a wedding without preparing for a marriage. 

Though we obviously think preparing for birth is vital, the truth is that it's only 2-48 hours of your life, and if what follows isn't also carefully set up, the negative implications can be vast.

Listen in on this conversation between two multiparas (moms of many!) who have learned a bit more each time about how to prepare well for this season and ensure we get every last benefit possible out of it. 

We'll cover things like receiving visitors, the 5-5-5 "rule", herbs, homeopathy, pelvic floor rehabilitation, the "winter" nature of this time, nourishing food, mothering the mother, doing the emotional work.... and MORE. 

This episode was recorded when Brooke was 1.5 weeks into her lying-in period, so she's speaking about this topic while living right in the middle of it. This also means you'll hear baby Gilbert in the background. 

Show notes:

Our very own Brooke gave birth to her 6th baby, Gilbert Ignatius, on October 29, and today she's telling her story in conversation with Lauren.

No two births are ever alike, and Brooke had to learn to flow with some things that she didn't see coming. It wasn't without agitation, but it was all purposeful and ultimately beautiful as she practiced flowing with it.

"To rediscover midwifery is the same as giving back childbirth to women." - Michel Odent

Listen in as Hannah tells her story of rediscovering midwifery and everything that has led to the proclaiming of a promise to herself and women she serves. "I don't midwife with the government"

From Hannah:

If you found out you were pregnant with twins -- both breech -- at 32 weeks and your midwife wasn't able to keep you on as her client, what would you do? Forced to choose between a scheduled c-section or a last-ditch effort to secure a different midwife and keep her home birth plan, Jessica opted for the latter. 

This is her amazing story of overcoming the voices of fear and doubt around and within her, tuning into the Good Shepherd's still, small voice... and then using her own voice with strength and clarity to give her babies the birth she knew was meant to be.

Tune in for this juicy and moving story which is also sure to boost your faith!

From Lauren:

In this episode, Lauren and Brooke have a meandering conversation about all the varied aspects of preparing for labor -- mind, body, spirit, heart! Since Brooke is currently in the thick of this process, she'll share a bit from her own current experience. And at the end, you'll get to hear Lauren read a beautiful description of an Anointed Birth. 

Show notes:

"They're giving credit to the wrong things! GOD is the one who deserves the credit."

This was Audrey's lament as she listened to free birth and birth story podcasts during her last pregnancy. Where she could so clearly see GOD's hand at work on behalf the mother's and babies, the credit was being given to everything and everyone BUT God. 

Audrey longed to tell her stories and then to point to God as her source and provision and protector, and that's exactly what she does in this episode of Holy Wild Birth.

Through three very unique births, Audrey listened for and heard God's voice. He led her graciously through a breech hospital birth on an operating room table, a precipitous birth on her kitchen floor (which her midwives barely made), and a completely wild pregnancy and free family birth in her master bathroom.

The stories themselves are completely engrossing, but what's even more special is the way she highlights God's hand in them and His goodness toward her. 

You'll walk away with so many nuggets of truth from this long but worthy episode.

Connect with Audrey: 

Cindy (from episode 15) is standing in for Brooke today in this "conversation episode" on the role of food in the physiology of birth. Very vital information here, so be sure to take loads of notes. You'll glean so much from the combined wisdom of Lauren and Cindy on this topic, whether you're an expectant mom or a midwife/birth keeper.

This is an "extra." I (Brooke) just had it on my heart to insert a little bonus episode into our lineup here in which I share about the journey of my current pregnancy in real time, at 38 weeks, as well as my birth vision/intention for my 6th home birth and postpartum time.

It's unscripted and a little rambling, but it's real and hopefully somewhat interesting! And I can't wait to record ANOTHER bonus episode down the road that tells my birth story.

So listen in on my story and my process -- mind, body, spirit, heart -- during my 6th pregnancy at age 42.

Mentioned in this episode

From Brooke:

Cindy vulnerably shares birth and battle history in this episode. Both her literal births of her children and battle with postpartum depression, and also her birth into becoming -- and recently UN-becoming -- a CPM. You will hear her how she let the Lord defend her after a fierce attack came her way after a tragic birth outcome.

Cindy is a dear friend to both Lauren and Brooke, and we're excited for you to hear her beautiful heart for God and for women and her quest to live in integrity as a midwife, even if that means voluntarily giving up a certificate that "legitimizes" her work to the world.

From Lauren:

Yes, we know you don't know what a hearthmother is. But let your curiosity about it hook you in to give this episode a listen. 

The concept of hearthmother is a very personal one for Lauren, one which the Lord has been fleshing out over the years and has grown to include a model of sorts for finding your way into wholeness and health in virtually any area of life, but for our purposes here, in regards to pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.  

This episode is long and may require a couple of listening sessions to finish up, but it's RICH and we couldn't imagine shortening it. 

Brittany has five babies before the one whose story she tells in this episode, but this 6th baby was her first home birth. 

And it also included some rather unusual elements. You'll love hearing about how she and her team navigated the unusual sorts of curve balls that occurred in this labor and the role that prayer played in it. 

Cervical dilation, the 5-1-1 rule, stages of labor.

We've become rather obsessed with finding ways to describe the "pattern" of "normal" labor and assessing its progress. But what if the methods listed above are lacking and possibly even misleading us into conclusions (and interventions) that do us a great disservice?

In this episode -- which piggy-backs off Sharon's birth story in episode 9 -- we explore alternative ways of understanding and "assessing" the flow of labor. We think you'll find this new perspective refreshing and freeing.

Mentioned in this episode:

Ok, if you're a Christian planning a natural birth, you've probably heard the descriptor of "pain-free" tacked to the front of the word birth. Sounds good, right? Who wouldn't want that?

Lauren and Brooke have both had what could be called pain-free births and yet they don't really care that much. Why? Because God's purposes for His daughters in childbirth so greatly surpass the physical sensations or lack there-of that whether or not there is pain is really more of an after-thought.

Join us as we explore the theology of pain, the "curse" on Eve in the garden, why pain-free births end up happening (or not), redemptive suffering, expecting the goodness of God in birth, and what a better focus and goal might be instead of pain avoidance. 

Mentioned in this episode: 

Meet Sarah - mama of two, holistic dietician, and amateur crocheter -- as she shares with us her birth stories on today's episode. 

She shares how her primary birth goals shifted from Safety&Survival to Peace&Power and what a difference that shift made.

What struck me most about my conversation with Sarah is how eloquently she weaves deep truths and profound insights into her telling of her stories. She encountered God in some really poignant ways in her second birth, and I know you'll me encouraged by every detail of it.

As always, the choices, beliefs and opinions of the mamas sharing their stories are as individual as the storyteller herself and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or recommended choices of Lauren and/or Brooke.

Type "Natural induction methods" into the Google search bar and you'll find loads of information about DIY things to try at home to make labor start. Ask your midwife and she'll probably have a few more tricks up her sleeve to offer up should you so desire/need. 

But...

Join Lauren and Brooke for a conversation about all of that and more.

Lauren and I got to sit down and hear our mutual friend, Angee (a traditional birth attendant and mama to 6) share a deep dive retelling of the birth of her son Killian. It was a quick birth full of happy surprises and loads of redemption.

If you're curious about how a traditional birth attendant navigates her OWN birth, this one will be a fun one for you. 

She also shares meaningful insights about marriage healing and postpartum rest.

As with all birth stories shared on this podcast, the choices, beliefs, and opinions of the mamas sharing their stories are as individual as the storyteller herself and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or recommended choices of Lauren and/or Brooke.

Connect with Angee:

When it comes to making birth plans, safety is often a top-of-mind concern. This leads into the concept of understanding and weighing risks, real or perceived, and looking around for strategies, protocols and practitioners who we feel will minimize risk and ensure saftey. But what if, like my flock of chickens locked up too long in a small chicken run, the parameters we put into place to protect ourselves and our babies end up costing us something(s) even more valuable?

Tune into this episode to unpack the myths of safety and risk, in which a real-life metaphor from Brooke's experience of chicken keeping ends up being a helpful framework. (Who would have thought?!)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

After years of infertility, Jalina was led through healing and went on to have 4 sons, though not without significant losses in between. While her first 3 sons were all born in hospitals (albeit barely, in the case of #3!), she always felt she was missing out on something, and that the thing she really needed had nothing to do with the hospital. When she found herself pregnant with her 4th, it didn't make sense to go to the hospital again... but the leap from there to free birth wasn't an easy or light decsion. All the same, God led her and her husband to that plan, and with Brooke in their corner as a virtual birth keeper, they had a totally unassisted birth between dinner and bedtime on an ordinary weekday night.

Please note: the personal choices and beliefs of the mothers sharing their stories are as individual as the storyteller and are not necessarily advised by nor reflect the beliefs of Lauren and/or Brooke.

Look up Jalina for Doula Support and Birth Photography in Upstate NY/Vermont:

Lauren and Brooke have each had free births and are supportive of them. But we're also supportive of midwifery (I mean, Lauren IS one!)...

But what does the word "midwife" mean anymore? Doesn't it seem like that word gets applied to lots of very different sorts of birth attendants? 

What do the letters after her name mean? What if she doesn't have any letters? How much do those letters (or lack thereof) really tell you about what sort of a midwife she is? What makes someone a midwife and what are her roles and functions?

And how do you go about choosing one? Does it matter if she's a believer? 

You won't walk away from this episode with a one-size-fits-all guide to finding/selecting a midwife but you will walk away with some great questions to ask yourself, discuss with your husband, and pray through. Don't miss it.

References related to this episode: 

What is autonomy and how does it relate to radical responsibility? We'll unpack the meaning of these concepts and their application to pregnancy, birth (and beyond)! Grab practical tips for walking joyfully in your responsibility as a pregnant woman, and consider the big picture theology behind this invitation, too. 

We welcome your thoughts and reflections on this subject, too. Shoot us an email at holywildbirth@gmail.com.

Find us both online

In this episode, we'll introduce ourselves - Lauren Hall (Rooted in Eden) and Brooke Collier (Sister Birth) and let you in on the winding path that led us into birth work, to one another, and then to the creation of this podcast. You'll see the fingerprints of God all over this origin story! You'll also hear more about what to expect in this space moving forward.