Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee
By Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee
As a coach, I help smart women who work in male-dominated industries and hate office politics get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus. Learn more at www.jamieleecoach.com
Born to Thrive with Jamie LeeMay 10, 2019
Ep 63. Strategic Conversations Part 2: Root of All Behavior
This is part two of a five-part podcast series on leading Strategic Conversations so you can improve your results and relationships at work. Check out the first episode here.
In this episode, I explain what's at the root of all behavior. When you understand what drives people's behavior and what drives your behavior, it is so powerful, because now you know how to influence yourself and others.
What drives your actions? What drives the behavior of your negotiation counterpart?
1. What emotion is and the role it plays in driving our behavior
2. The difference between neutral circumstances and thoughts, and how we become biased
3. The thinking that generated $50K then $100K in income for me
If you enjoyed this and would like to learn more about my six-week coaching program, please apply here to set up a quick consult over Zoom.
Ep. 62 Strategic Conversations Part 1 - Planning with Future Focus
I coach smart women to get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus, manipulating people, or burning themselves out.
I teach simple but powerful concepts that help my clients engage in strategic conversations with a mindset of self-confidence and authentic power.
Over five podcast episodes, I'll be teaching each of these five simple but powerful concepts that you can immediately implement into your life and career so you can get bolder, braver, and better paid.
This episode is about the first and most important concept: Planning with Future Focus.
Three questions I ask my clients to help them with Future Focus is:
1. WHO are you in the process of becoming?
2. WHAT results do you want in the future?
3. HOW can you be your Future Self now?
If you enjoyed this and would like to learn more about my six-week coaching program, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a quick consult over Zoom.
Ep. 61 How to Negotiate Budget Cuts and Unconscious Bias with Amy Auton-Smith
I met Amy Auton-Smith at Catalyst Conference in March 2019. She shared a salary negotiation story of how she successfully negotiated a win-win solution when the budget for her position was significantly reduced. I immediately knew I'd love to have her share both her negotiation story and the story of how she started her startup on the podcast.
Amy is a long-term champion of equality and diversity. As CEO of FairFrame, she's working to bring cutting-edge tech and diversity and inclusion research outcomes together to help mitigate the effects of unconscious bias at work. Amy is passionate about helping employers and leaders everywhere to ensure that everyone can achieve their true potential at work.
Ep. 60 Two Simple Reminders that Improve Negotiation Outcomes: Dr. Julia Bear
According to research, women's monetary negotiation outcomes improved when they did two things before negotiating:
1. Recalling the last three times they were assertive
2. Imagining that they are negotiating for a friend.
In this episode, I interview one of the co-authors of this research, Julia Bear.
We explored this research, why what and how we think impact our negotiation results, and how we can apply research like this to improve our negotiation outcomes.
Julia Bear is an Associate Professor in the College of Business at Stony Brook University. Dr. Bear’s research focuses on the influence of gender on negotiation outcomes, as well as conflict management in organizations. In her research, she investigates what factors, both individual and situational, influence the gender gap typically seen in negotiation outcomes, and how an understanding of these factors can help to reduce this gender gap in both initiation of negotiation and negotiation performance.
Here's the research (PDF): Negotiating Femininity
Other resources mentioned include:
HBR article: 10 Myths about Negotiating Your First Salary
Book: Women Don't Ask
Ep. 59 On Money, Family, and Passion: Eric Kohner Coaches Jamie Lee Using The Five Knowledge Centers
According to Ivy Business Journal, “Executives and HR managers know that coaching is the most potent tool for creating lasting personal change.”
I think coaching is something everyone should get to test drive and experience first hand to really understand the impact of it.
But if you can't hire a coach (or find a coach-in-training who will coach you for free) the second best thing might be for you to sit in on a coaching session.
That’s why earlier this week, I invited leadership coach Eric Kohner, who trained me to coach at the Coaches Training Institute to coach me on my own money beliefs using his leadership framework called the Five Knowledge Centers.
The Five Knowledge Centers reflect:
1. Head - reason
2. Heart - love
3. Gut - intuition and vision
4. Groin - passion and drive
5. Hands - action
Eric Kohner is an internationally recognized executive coach and keynote speaker. He founded eKCosystem, a global corporate training company dedicated to bringing HUMAN BEING into business, because “in today’s highly competitive world, the new hard skills are the heart skills.”
Learn more about Eric's work here: www.ekcosystem.com
Or reach him directly via email here: email@example.com
You can reach me directly via email too: firstname.lastname@example.org
Ep. 58 How to Tame Your Inner Mammal with Dr. Loretta Breuning
When I first encountered Dr. Loretta's work on Youtube, I was delighted because she has created a valuable body of work that helps us understand the why and how behind our animal impulses that don't always support our human aspirations to be better, to thrive, and to be at peace with ourselves and with the world.
In this special interview, Dr. Loretta helps us see that there is nothing wrong with us -- even if our brains would have us think otherwise because of evolution, neurotransmitters, and socialization.
Loretta Breuning is Founder of the Inner Mammal Institute and Professor Emerita of Management at California State University, East Bay. She’s the author of Habits of a Happy Brain, and many other books that have been translated into Spanish, Russian, Chinese, Arabic, French, Turkish and German.
Learn more at InnerMammalInstitute.org
To learn more about me (or to sign up for the upcoming free webinar), come to JamieLeeCoach.com
Ep. 57 The Human Brain: How Neurotransmitters Impact Negotiation Behavior
As a negotiation geek, I love thinking about how the brain impacts our negotiating behaviors. The brain is a fascinating organ. It's the human computer that can process a trillion bits per second. Yet scientists say we've only barely begun to understand how the brain works.
We know a few basic things, like how the brain evolved over millions of years and how some chemical messengers (or neurotransmitters) relay information that trigger thoughts and emotions that drive our behavior. In this episode, I talk about three neurotransmitters: Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Cortisol.
My intention is to raise our awareness about our brains and the impact of these neurotransmitters so we can understand:
- Our own impulses at the negotiating table,
- The why behind how other people react to your ask, and
- How to create better strategies for success with all this in mind.
Ep. 56 You've Gotta Ask
In this episode, I share insights on negotiation and leadership from the book Success Affirmations: 52 Weeks for Living a Passionate and Purposeful Life.
In week 17, the affirmation is:
I am asking for what I want and need with a positive expectation that I will get a YES.
Some of the useful tips on asking include:
- Ask as if you expect to get it
- Assume you can
- Ask someone who can give it to you...
I share my own thoughts, insights, and tips to help you ask for what you want so that you can become bolder, braver, and better paid.
If you'd like to check out details about the upcoming mastermind, come over to https://www.jamieleecoach.com/mastermind
Or email me at email@example.com
Ep. 55 How to Generate Self-Confidence Without Faking Anything
We all know self-confidence helps you get more of what you want. But how do you get confident if you haven't yet gotten what you want?
There's a better way than "fake it till you make it," pretending to be something you're not, or blowing yourself up like a blowfish...
The best way is to generate confidence inside of you, by you and for you.
This is something I help my clients do so they can become bolder, braver, and better paid.
This episode is a replay of a webinar where I shared five simple steps anyone can master to generate self-confidence.
If you'd like to watch and not just listen to the replay, come to www.jamieleecoach.com or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Ep. 54 Why do you assume the worst case scenario?
"I'm afraid of losing all my money and becoming a bag lady."
"I think they are going to criticize and rebuke me."
"They will pigeonhole me for what I've done, not what I can do."
Does your brain assume the worst case scenario when it comes to your career and interactions with other people?
If so, what's the impact of assuming the worst? What's the upside and what's the downside?
In this episode, I share:
- my personal experience of assuming the worst and living in survival mode
- two of the "worst case scenarios" that actually happened in my life
- some biases I'm choosing on PURPOSE so that I can thrive, not just survive.
If you enjoy this podcast, you'd enjoy joining me at my upcoming webinar. Come register at www.jamieleecoach.com
Or write me for suggestions, thoughts, and more: email@example.com
Ep. 53 How to Set Boundaries Without Giving Up Power
Clients often tell me that they struggle with setting boundaries at work. The feelings associated with this are resentment, victimhood, and powerlessness.
Here's the good news: It's totally possible to set and maintain boundaries without giving up personal power when you take 100% responsibility for your own emotions and actions. This leads to both self-empowerment and healthy relationships.
In this episode, you'll learn
- How other people and external circumstances don't create our feelings,
- How emotional dependency leads to manuals that disempower, and
- The difference between a manual and boundary
If you'd like to register for the upcoming free webinar or to get in touch with me for a trial coaching session, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you'd like to read past podcast transcripts, go to https://www.jamieleecoach.com/podcast
Ep. 52 Why It Feels Gross to Claim Value For Ourselves
Clients often tell me, “It feels gross to claim value for myself. It feels like bragging. It’s uncomfortable to assign dollar value to my accomplishments.”
In this episode, I dispel a persistent myth -- one that was ingrained in me by the patriarchy from a very young age -- that holds us back from generating real self-worth and authentic self-confidence.
Find out how to generate power, so you can claim value for yourself and become unstoppable as a negotiator.
Here's where you can access transcriptions of previous episodes and get in touch with me: https://www.jamieleecoach.com/podcast
Your review on iTunes would be super appreciated!
Ep. 51 How to Break The Habit of Being You
Out of unconscious habit, I've thought that there's something wrong with me. I've thought, "I'm lazy. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough."
Thinking this way had me feeling shame, anxiety, and self-loathing.
This negative mindset did not motivate me to inspired action.
In 2019, I'm committed to breaking this habit, so I can love myself more fully and create more intentionally.
I share my three biggest takeaways from the awesome book "Breaking the Habit of Being You" by Dr. Joe Dispensa (https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094), which are:
1. Mind Creates Reality
2. Mind Shapes Body
3. To Change is To Think Greater Than How We Feel
Ep.50 How to Set Wildly Improbable Goals for 2019 and Beyond
What is your compelling vision for a fulfilling life and career?
In this webinar replay, I walk you through 12 powerful questions I've asked my coaching clients to help you set some Wildly Improbable Goals (WIGs for short).
Why? Because WIGs will:
- Challenge your limiting beliefs - or the harpings of your Itty Bitty Shouldy Committee
- Inspire you to believe in yourself beyond your situation, socialization, or circumstances, and that, my friends, is POWER
- Fuel your courage as you go to make that bold and brave ask in 2019
Go here for the bonus worksheet: drive.google.com/file/d/1fNQ-hEHK83n3h7k9QBN650r0Lr3Q9WbN/view?inf_contact_key=3f5d78fd82b019c1d2f8c476606cdc3a
Come check out www.jamieleecoach.com for more details on my coaching services and more.
Ep. 49 How to Apply the Growth Mindset to Your Career Strategy
In this session, I supported one of my clients apply the growth mindset to his career strategy, because learning to negotiate, influence, and lead is just like growing a muscle.
With practice and on purpose, you can grow your skills and develop your capacity for more growth. It takes guts, consciousness, and a whole lot of effort.
It's not easy, but so worth it.
For more details on my coaching services, come check out www.jamieleecoach.com
Ep.48 How to Become Bolder, Braver, and Better Paid with Klay S. Williams
By making a contribution.
By committing to their life's purpose.
By risking their authenticity, even when there's only $500 in the back pocket and not much else, other than a dream.
This the story of Klay S. Williams, whom I met at a Dress for Success event in 2016.
Klay helps Fortune 500 professionals find their true purpose and satisfaction in four areas of life: Career, Relationships, Spiritual Lives, and Health. He's the founder of Plan A Enterprises, LLC, a full services lifestyle firm. He's also an author, speaker, and host of Plan A Konversations (the podcast) and Bookstr Wellness, a new digital TV show showcasing authors in the mind-body-spirit space.
Ep.47 How to Negotiate and Coach Relationships with Aeric Meredith-Goujon
Aeric is a visual artist, musician and relationship coach. He lives in Brooklyn with his wife and two kids.
In this conversation, Aeric and I explored
- How getting married is an exercise in interest-based negotiation
- How relationships can have a purpose
- The difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict
- How different orientations can cause misunderstanding and, what to do about it
You can learn more about Aeric here: aeric.nyc
You can sign up for my upcoming webinars here:
Ep. 46 A 15-Year Career Retrospective Introspective
Ep.45 How to Self-Appreciate So You Can Self-Advocate
With a live audience, I shared
- My journey in becoming a leadership and negotiation coach helping ambitious women become bolder, braver, and better paid
- The distinction between information and insight and the impact of emotions on our actions
- The power of self-appreciation for effective self-advocacy for negotiation success
Then in the second half, I coached a volunteer through a twenty-minute exercise and helped her strategize and articulate the unique value she brings to her work as a project manager.
Check out www.jamieleecoach.com for other replays.
Ep.44 How to use Future Gratitude as Networking Fuel
Ep.43 How to Embrace Discomfort to Become Unstoppable as a Negotiator
- #1 secret to becoming unstoppable as a negotiator
- The impact of neurotransmitters on our feelings, thoughts, and results
- The root of all behavior and how to influence others
- Why embracing the balance of emotions is key to success
- How to create intentional beliefs so that you can become bolder, braver, and better paid
In the second half, I coached a naturopathic doctor who is struggling to articulate her value to potential clients and helped her identify her philosophy and reconnect with her confidence.
To sign up for future sessions, go to: www.jamieleecoach.com/free-coaching-live
Ep.42 Future Focus and Goal Shame
I share my updates for 2018 “Wild and Improbable” Goals and how I am dealing with the shame of not yet having achieved my ambitious goals.
Thriving is not about being “happy-happy-joy-joy” 100% of the time.
In order to thrive, you need to embrace the pain of growing and the sting of rejection and shame.
To learn more about my small group mastermind, go to www.jamieleecoach.com
Ep.41 The People-Pleasing Trap
My bet is that you'd be bolder, braver, and as a result, better paid.
I have a lot of experience with the people-pleasing trap, because I'm a recovering people-pleaser.
In this episode, I explain how this fear of displeasing others holds us back from asking, receiving, and thriving.
- Why and how the life-long training to please others started
- Why our brains confuse other people's displeasure as a threat
- Why it's impossible to please others with who we are, what we say, or what we do
- Three ways we can get triggered to sabotage our outcomes
- Three ways we can work ourselves out of the people-pleasing trap
- Five of my recurring stressful thoughts around pleasing people
- How I turn these thoughts around to instill a new mindset of growth, appreciation, and confidence
Come check out www.jamieleecoach.com for details on Small Group Mastermind, private coaching, and speaking services.
Ep. 40 Six Common Negotiation Mistakes with Vivian Giang
Vivian is a business writer covering how the changing workplace has impacted the way we work and live, in areas related to automation, robotics, team dynamics, executive leadership, and management. She asks, "How do you navigate these waters while also creating credibility and relevance?" She writes about these topics for business publications, like Fast Company, Fortune, Quartz, Dealbreaker, and Marie Claire.
In this value-packed conversation, Vivian and I addressed each of the six common negotiation mistakes as highlighted in this Fast Company article: www.fastcompany.com/90225908/all-the-things-youre-doing-wrong-in-negotiations
- Why it's important to start with your why before asking for the what
- The impact of anchoring effect on the bargaining range
- How making assumptions creates negotiation pitfalls
- Why you may not want to accept the first offer
- How to differentiate between short-term and long-term wins
- How negotiators can prepare strategically to avoid these mistakes
You can find Vivian on Twitter at @vivian_giang.
You can learn more about my negotiation coaching and training services here www.jamieleecoach.com
Ep. 39 How Ambitious People Overcome Anxiety and Burnout
We experience anxiety more acutely when we most need our courage to brave a high-stakes conversation like negotiation.
In this valuable conversation with Dr. Maya Borgueta, a clinical psychologist and founder of Stella Nova Psychology, we explored:
- Why it's important to be prepared to know your worth at any time during job interview process
- What purpose anxiety serves
- Why it's not an emotion you need to avoid or push away
- How to manage your anxiety level in a simple, yet powerful way
- What self-compassion has to do with managing our anxiety
- How to recognize burnout
- Steps to take to address burnout
Learn more about Dr. Maya Borgueta on www.stellanovawomen.com
Bonus: A Thousand Names for Joy
Ep. 38 Money is Easy
Ep. 37 How to Negotiate a Career Pivot with Lisa Lewis
Lisa Lewis is a career change coach helping ambitious, analytical individuals feeling stuck in their current jobs find different work that “fits” who they are. She does this by helping you clarify who you are, what you want most, what a great job for you looks like so you can make your career transition in the easiest way possible.
In this conversation, Lisa shares how she successfully negotiated a career pivot with a $10K increase in salary offer. (Listen carefully for the word-by-word script!)
We also explore how the growth mindset can help ambitious people like you overcome the trap of perfectionism so you can embrace change, risk, growth, learning and joy.
Learn more about Lisa here: LisaLewisCareers.com
Watch the Carol Dweck's TED talk here: www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve?language=en
Mac's List Interview: How to Manage Emotions in Negotiation
When preparing for a negotiation, especially about money, people are often told that their feelings don’t matter. We are warned to not get emotional at the negotiating table. Women are seen as emotional while men are seen as rational thinkers and therefore better negotiators. But are your feelings truly a weakness when it comes to salary negotiations? On this episode of the Find Your Dream Job podcast, Jamie Lee helps us understand why we should pay attention to our feelings and why emotion has a place in business conversations.
Recommended Reading: Jamie encourages our listeners to check out this book written by psychiatrist turned negotiation trainer, Mark Goulston, “Just Listen.”
Ep. 36 How to Avoid the Trap of Imposter Syndrome
Ep. 35 Three Key Principles for Negotiating as a Leader
1. Success is 80% mindset and 20% tactics. My clients are applying this insight to reinvent their lives and careers from stifling to thriving. Success is an inside job.
2. Ask open questions to understand their why before seeking to be understood. Far from being "nice," this is a powerful strategy that enables my clients to win over a room of naysayers, flip no to yes, and turn transactions into transformational conversations.
3. Be ready to tell a new story. My career changed when I stopped telling myself, "I can't do it," and started saying, "I will walk the talk I give."
What new story will you tell? Come to www.jamieleecoach.com for future webinar updates and more.
Ep. 34 What If You Lowballed Yourself? #SalaryNegotiation
Ep. 33 Webinar recap: How to Deal with "Difficult" People
This is a quick recap of the kick-off webinar "How to Win Over Difficult People."
I give an example from my own life, when I felt that my manager was difficult, that he had power over me, and that I wasn't given the chance to speak at meetings.
Download the one-page PDF of open questions here: bit.ly/2MC8xu4
Ep.32 Interview with Eric Kohner: How to Take a Stand #MeToo
Eric is also an internationally recognized executive coach and keynote speaker. He founded eKCosystem, a global corporate training company dedicated to bringing HUMAN BEING into business, because “in today’s highly competitive world, the new hard skills are the heart skills.”
In this interview, Eric shared personal stories of:
- How he negotiated a conflict with his employer, from anger and resistance to connection and vulnerability
- How he encountered unconscious bias in the most unlikely of places and gained empathy for the marginalized
- How he took a stand for himself and you can, too, in the era of #MeToo so we can press for progress.
Learn more about Eric's work here: www.ekcosystem.com
Or reach him directly via email here: email@example.com
Ep. 31 Jay Fields: How to Use the Brain in Your Body
In this impactful interview, Jay walks me through exactly what happens in our bodies, our brains, our nervous systems, and in our behavior when we encounter negative emotions like anxiety in the moment of a high-stakes conversation.
- How to deal with anxiety in the moment of negotiating without freezing, fleeing or fighting
- How to manage negative emotions so they don't sabotage your outcomes
- What it means to have your own back and the power it gives you to name the "elephant" in a negotiation
- How to get better at setting boundaries and saying no with confidence and strength
Learn more about Jay here: jay-fields.com
Ep. 30 Interview with Lisa Gates: How to Name the Elephant.
Ep. 29 Eight steps to coaching yourself to a promotion
Ep.28 Interview with Simon Brady, CFP: How True are Truisms?
If you are a working woman, if you are in a domestic partnership or marriage, or if you have children or family that you want to take care of, you won't want to miss this interview.
- How and why women tend to be better investors than men
- The dangerous assumptions people often make in a domestic partnership or marriage
- How money or taxes have little to do with estate planning
- What to do today to ensure the best possible outcomes for your loved ones in case of worst case scenarios
- What the best kinds of investments are if you are a young professional
...and so much more
Ep. 27 Script and Strategy: Leverage an Offer to Get Another
Here's the full transcription of script and strategy: www.jamieleecoach.com/podcast/word-by-word-script-for-leveraging-an-offer-to-get-and-improve-another-offer
Also check out Haseeb Qureshi's excellent article, "How not to bomb your offer negotiation" here: medium.freecodecamp.org/how-not-to-bomb-your-offer-negotiation-c46bb9bc7dea
Ep.26 Your Future Potential
Ep. 25 Interview with Erin Davis, Change Agent and Connector
- What it takes to negotiate successfully for our careers
- How to engage in conversations that win allies in the workplace
- What large leading companies like Stantec are doing to close the gender gap
...and so much more
Learn more about Works for women here: www.worksforwomen.org/
Learn more about The Confidence Retreat here:
Ep.24 Yes Lives in the Land of No
Ep. 23 Big Embarrassing Mistake And Pitfalls of Assumptions
In this podcast I share the dirt: what happened, how I recovered, and what I learned from the experience.
Assumptions have the power to undermine our communication, negotiation, and leadership.
What are three dangerous assumptions that bully us silent and compromise our results? How can we shine light on our cognitive blindspots so that we show up powerfully without making assumptions?
Ep. 22: Selena Rezvani on How to Negotiate Meeting Culture
If you've ever been told no, if you've ever been cut off at a work meeting, and if you want to close the gender and racial wage gap, you won't want to miss this podcast interview.
- How responding to “No” can change everything
- Why getting a “No” is not a question of IF but WHEN
- How you can leverage the power of cognitive dissonance to flip a “No” around
- How tiny, everyday way of negotiating meeting culture can have a huge impact on your career
- What remains the biggest barrier for women to be heard and respected at meetings
- The surprising habit of high-performing, highly collaborative teams
- How the latest technology is working to serve women’s voices in the workplace
- How to have your say at meetings without giving up or shrinking down
...and so much more
Ep. 21 Questioning: It's Unfair I Bungled My Salary Negotiation
In this episode, I share my experience bungling a salary negotiation that left me feeling powerless and resentful.
I question my own negative beliefs that held me back from speaking up and asking for what I wanted.
If you've ever felt small, powerless, and resentful at work, you'll want to check this out.
Ep.20 Three Scripts for Sidestepping Illegal Salary Question
The bad news: Bad hiring practices still dominate most of the country.
Check out the podcast for three concrete strategies and scripts for sidestepping the dreaded question so you can get paid for your value, not for an irrelevant past.
Ep. 19 Tele-class: Negotiating in Emotionally Smart Way
Contrary to popular misconception, emotions rule in negotiation.
Smart negotiators prepare a logical case. Masterful negotiators use advanced emotional intelligence to connect with their counterparts in a meaningful way to create durable agreements that unlock benefit for both sides of the table.
This is an hour-long advanced teleclass for women on the rise, who want to master advanced emotional intelligence so they can negotiate with thriving success.
In this tele-class, I teach:
- How to deal with negative emotions, so you don't get sidetracked, antagonize your negotiation partner, or sabotage your outcomes.
- How to generate positive emotions, so you can create goodwill, enhance your relationship, and generate best possible negotiated agreements.