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Playing With Fire

Playing With Fire

By Joli Hamilton

Welcome to playing with fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom build their love.

We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity.

Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.
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112 Sex Clubs and more with Ashley Weller from What's Your Position podcast

Playing With FireMay 27, 2023

125 The Jealousy roadmap
Sep 23, 202301:11:40
124 Are you ready to bring your whole quirky self to your relationships? With guest expert Rachel Wright
Sep 09, 202301:02:36
123 Weasel words and creating more intimacy in your relationships
Aug 26, 202341:14
122 Get the skills to build your own relationship - with guest expert Carrie Jeroslow
Aug 19, 202301:00:14
121 Am I cut out for non-monogamy? Finding safety during your exploration
Aug 12, 202328:57
120 How do I break through relationship stagnation?
Aug 05, 202348:06
119 Soft Cock Week with guest expert Michelle Renee
Jul 22, 202345:58
118 Are there quick and easy ways to manage stress? A: Yes. With guest experts Elisabeth Kristof, Melanie Weller, and Matt Bush
Jul 15, 202356:01
117 Business and pleasure with Beth Hankes
Jul 08, 202337:36
116 Mindful Dating with guest expert Marie Thouin
Jul 01, 202354:08
115 The Nature of Relating with guest expert Megan Bhatia
Jun 17, 202301:01:55
114 Non-monogamy is a psychological growth lab: are you ready?
Jun 10, 202332:05
113 How to do hard things & build exceptional love with Neuro-Somatic Intelligence expert Elisabeth Kristof

113 How to do hard things & build exceptional love with Neuro-Somatic Intelligence expert Elisabeth Kristof

How do you handle wigging out, feeling like a mess, or in technical terms getting dysregulated? Well, we rely on tools we learned from applied neurologist Elisabeth Kristof, and now you can hear about them directly from her! Learning how to work with your unique nervous system is like getting the cheat code to be more present in your life, have access to pleasure, and be more of who you want to be even when stuff gets tough.

You're going to want to know how to work with Elisabeth, and she's offering two free weeks of live and on-demand coaching at!

And... hey... if you've been wanting to train to be a Neuro-Somatic Coach a new cohort enrolls this fall- learn more by booking a call with Elisabeth HERE

Elisabeth Kristof, MA, is an expert in nervous system health for trauma resolution and behavior change. She is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains the nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance and increase well-being. She is co-host of the Trauma Rewired podcast that explores the neurology of complex trauma.

Elisabeth is a certified applied neurology and somatics practitioner who has been in the wellness industry since 2007. She works with entrepreneurs, athletes, leaders and creatives to improve resilience, manage stress and regulate emotions through intentional, science-based brain training.

Her research and work with hundreds of clients has taught her that healing and change must occur in both the body and the mind, that each body, mind, and nervous system is unique, and most importantly, that with the right tools, we are all capable of healing.

She is also the founder of Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Certification, an ICF-accredited course that teaches leading-edge, somatic coaching that creates client transformation from the body to the brain.

Curious if you're ready to open your relationship successfully? Find out at

Jun 03, 202301:00:12
112 Sex Clubs and more with Ashley Weller from What's Your Position podcast
May 27, 202301:17:58
111 Build Your Relationship Toolkit with guest experts Dedeker, Emily & Jase of the Multiamory podcast
May 20, 202354:55
110 How surrogate partner therapy works with guest expert Brian Gibney
May 13, 202301:06:03
109 We Opened Up & EEK! What to do when exciting beginnings turn scary
May 06, 202340:16
108 What would you do with your full power? A conversation about kink, power exchange, and everyday life with Mollena Williams-Haas
Apr 29, 202351:16
107 Power dynamics for non-kinksters (part 2) How to share power when you were raised to be  an entitled jerk & a martyr
Apr 17, 202350:41
106 The conversation that  will change your life: Power dynamics  for non-kinksters
Apr 08, 202347:12
105 Shadow work: What if your monsters were trying to help you live the life you always wanted?
Apr 01, 202344:26
104 Help! What can I do with all my feelings when my partner is on a date?
Mar 25, 202348:13
103 How to successfully ask your partner to explore non-monogamy
Mar 11, 202336:44
102 How to find, create, and enjoy non-monogamous community
Mar 04, 202301:15:00
101 Three ways of being polyamorous
Feb 25, 202351:31
100 Finding relationship happiness through creative projects
Feb 18, 202338:32
99 Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern

99 Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern

It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure.

It's normal to want to individuate.

It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy.

But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections? 

Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment theory. Y'all are smart- and she's done a lot of interviews already (google is your friend), so I wanted to go deeper and find out how Jessica weaves other theories into her work and how she helps people move out of relational trauma loops and into the life they desire. 

Jealousy, internal family systems/parts work, and narrative therapy... oh, and some sneak peeks of Jessica's upcoming book Polywise!

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. 

Learn more at 

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at

Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

Feb 11, 202354:12
98 You're *too much*
Feb 04, 202336:11
97 Jealousy and sexual arousal: getting off on the green-eyed monster!
Jan 28, 202340:08
96 Which is better: To open from the start or to establish couplehood first?
Jan 21, 202340:18
95 Envisioning Your Dream Relationship
Jan 14, 202350:17
94 Romantic Friendships: Subversive & Awesome
Jan 07, 202344:41
93 [MOST POPULAR EPISODE replay] Relationship agreements in the wild
Dec 31, 202230:58
92 Finding help and hope during your shift from monogamy to polyamory
Dec 24, 202231:22
91 How to deal with criticism so it doesn't ruin your relationships with Dr. Jessica Higgins

91 How to deal with criticism so it doesn't ruin your relationships with Dr. Jessica Higgins

"Why are you doing it like that?" 

Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for. 

Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift our feedback patterns. 

Did you love Dr. Jessica's style? Check out her fantastic Empowered Relationships Podcast !

Dr. Jessica Higgins holds two graduate degrees in psychology, two coaching certifications, and over 20 years of experience helping clients achieve successful results. As the host of the Empowered Relationship Podcast, she helps people navigate the terrain of long-lasting intimacy more skillfully and mindfully. Through her coaching and online course, clients transform pain into love and connection.

Listeners can download Dr. Jessica’s free guide “Is Criticism Tearing Your Relationship Apart?” here

Find out more about Jessica's work here

How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Joli offers both private and group coaching for people who want to make their relationships as unique as they are themselves. This is relational psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Dec 17, 202201:04:29
90 How to make exciting relationship changes less scary
Dec 10, 202224:33
89 Which relationship style is right for you? Learn the taxonomy of non-monogamy
Dec 03, 202201:25:35
88 How do I build sensual & sexual desire?
Nov 26, 202255:52
87 Is polyamory practical? with guest Laura Boyle
Nov 19, 202259:08
86 Stop compromising in your intimate relationships.
Nov 12, 202246:12
85 How can I feel more compersion? with Dr. Marie Thouin
Nov 05, 202256:19
84 How to have happier relationships using Neuro-Somatic Intelligence
Oct 22, 202244:01
83 How to heal from jealousy and envy
Oct 15, 202201:00:03
82 Choosing an individuation relationship with or without your partner
Oct 08, 202259:12
81 Here's why we are Playing with Fire!
Oct 01, 202232:31
80 Creating conscious, compassionate, open relationships with guest author Kate Loree, LMFT
Aug 28, 202201:07:02
79 Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young, The Centered Coach
Aug 21, 202201:04:11
78 How, When & Why to Visit a Pleasure-Centered Shop with Beth Hankes from Earth & Salt
Aug 14, 202258:40
77 Naturally attract the partners you long for with guest Allana Pratt

77 Naturally attract the partners you long for with guest Allana Pratt

Tired of *trying* to find the person you want? There's a faster path and it is completely within your reach. Everyone has the capacity to deepen their intimacy with Self and when you do, you'll find that others respond. Stop trying to be someone for someone else and BE YOU. 

Joli talks with the incomparable Allana Pratt about the pains and perils of trying to date without doing your personal work. 

BONUS: this episode opens up with a conversation between Joli & Ken. We are getting super vulnerable about what's going on for us right now and it's not all pretty. If you've ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes, you don't want to miss this episode!

Today's guest:

Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically and attract an open-hearted ideal relationship. She has been chosen as an Icon of Influence, is a columnist on the GoodMenProject, and has been featured on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS, ABC & FOX, and more.

This Ivy League grad is the Author of 6 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach with close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars.

While supporting a number of nonprofits, Allana has created a new category with an inclusive Partnering App & Intimacy Training app called HeartMates where members Become the One to Find the One… which Keeps the One! She also offers HeartMates for Couples, private and group coaching plus retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.

Take the free B-Spot Quiz and discover what your hidden blindspot is!

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at

Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Joli

Aug 07, 202201:07:45
75 Leaving purity culture for a life you love - with guest Lauren Elise Barnes
Jul 24, 202201:10:39