What Really Matters: Everyday Spirituality

In this episode I begin exploring the major themes contained in the wisdom text The Tao of Death (an adaptation of the Tao Te Ching). The first is suffering as a path to transformation and I'll read some verses from the Tao that are based on this theme. This episode includes:

• Illness, suffering and loss can be messengers in our lives
• Why we need to strive to be in harmony with whatever life brings us
• How the difficulties of our lives actually shape our transformation and who we become
• Finding the "precious gems" that are hidden inside of suffering

In this follow-up to last week's episode I focus in on intellectual humility, which is sadly lacking in our society today. This episode includes:

• What intellectual humility is and why it's needed right now
• The benefits of practicing intellectual humility
• How humility can improve relationships and heal some of the polarization in our society
• How to develop your own intellectual humility so you can embrace mistakes and have a growth mindset

Today I'm talking about humility and why it largely seems to be missing in our society (especially in the field of medicine.) This episode includes:

• Why humility is not weak or passive (even though the ego believes it is)
• Why humility is an essential part of the inward arc of spiritual development
• 8 different types of humility
• Why we need to understand the workings of the ego before we can increases our capacity for humility
• The difference between humility and false modesty or low self-esteem

In this episode I'm revisiting the topic of loneliness from a slightly different perspective: many spiritual teachers say it's a necessary part of our path. This episode includes:

• Why we need to embrace loneliness rather than try to fix it
• How loneliness reaches a peak at the beginning of the inward arc
• Pema Chodron's concept of "cool loneliness" and how to recognize it
• How connecting with our higher selves helps us remember that we are connected to all things
• Why gaining integral consciousness allows us to relate to people who are very different from us

In this episode I'm sharing some insights from my recent re-reading of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This amazing little book was pivotal for me during the earlier stages of my spiritual growth and the lessons it contains are still valuable. This episode includes:

• Be impeccable with your word
• Don't take anything personally
• Don't make assumptions
• Always do your best

As a follow-up to the previous episode we're talking about success again but this time from the perspective of higher consciousness. This episode includes:

• Why we need a higher view of success to balance out the ego-driven perspective
• How to tell the difference between the ego and the higher self
• How to reframe your own definition of success to include both perspectives
• Why a "successful" spiritual journey may look like a failure to the ego and material world

In this episode we'll look at an interesting study and questionnaire that help us sort out the factors in our lives that have contributed to our "success" in society. This episode includes:

In this episode I revisit the experience of Awe, which I previously discussed in Episode 96. There is a new study available that talks about how healthcare providers (and everyone) can experience awe even in little everyday moments and receive the same benefits. This episode includes:

• The definition of awe as an emotion
• The benefits of experiencing awe
• How the awe study was conducted
• A 3-step process for finding awe in the midst of stress
• Why it's important to remember that there is awe in every moment

In this episode I talk about resentment as a form of resistance toward "what is" and why it's important to heal our old wounds if we want to move toward enlightenment. This episode includes:

• Why body work is essential for healing old trauma
• How to connect the dots between cognitive work and body work when looking at old buried pain and resentment
• Why it's important to be curious about our resentments and not judgmental
• The need for self-compassion in our healing process
• Using resentment as an ally in identifying where more work is needed

This episode is a follow-up to last week's discussion on whether or not people can actually change (listen to that episode first.) I discuss what it takes to keep growing and changing throughout life. This episode includes:

• Why we have to be willing and able to look at our past if we want to change
• The necessity of taking responsibility for our wounds, emotions and triggers and avoiding the trap of victimhood
• Why we need to both find an "omega point" for ourselves and be an omega point for others
• Why forgiveness is a requirement for growth
• How to work on managing the ego in order to expand to integral consciousness

In this episode I'll look at how we change and grow and why it's important to have role models of growth and transformation in our society. This episode includes:

• The four predominant levels of consciousness of people in our society
• Why it's harder for people at lower levels of consciousness to change
• Why the traditional level actually resists and stifles change
• Why it's essential to understand and manage the ego in order to grow to integral consciousness

In the episode I talk about why we each need to intentionally behave with kindness to counteract some of the negativity in our society. This episode includes:

• The benefits of kindness for our own health and wellbeing
• How both kindness and unkindness are contagious
• Kindness is a self-reinforcing habit
• Practices to prepare for showing more kindness
• The random acts of kindness experiment

I'm back after taking a week off for self-care! Today I'll share some thoughts about the life cycle of a butterfly and why it's a good analogy for our own process of growth and change. This episode includes:

• The small world of the caterpillar
• Why the "chrysalis phase" of change is so unsettling and even frightening
• Why all the stages of the cycle are necessary in order for the butterfly to emerge
• Tips for surviving the chrysalis phase of dissolution and falling apart
• Remembering to let things unfold with their own timing and not try to rush through the changes

In this episode I share my ongoing journey of self-healing as I look at my old beliefs about what it means to be a good person that primarily came from my early religious training. This episode includes:

• How our old beliefs can stay hidden even as we grow to higher consciousness
• Why we need to recognize and heal old beliefs that may be harmful to us
• How expanding our consciousness helps us see more perspectives and hold more love and also pain
• Why growing to higher consciousness consists of transcending our previous level and also including the good from that level
• My new definition of what it means to be a good person

In this episode I talk about learning how to manage our own internal "self-bullying" in order to be more resilient and better protected from bullying behaviors by other people. This episode includes:

• The bullying tactics of the wounded ego
• How to recognize our triggers
• Why being triggered is a good thing for our growth in consciousness
• Finding compassion for our wounded egos
• Stopping the "shame cycle" that occurs after being triggered

This episode continues my own exploration of getting ill at the same time I released my podcast episode on grief after my father's suicide death. I've been gleaning a lot of wisdom from my own time of illness and recognizing why sometimes things get worse before they get better. This episode includes:

• The metaphor of a backdraft occurring after releasing old painful feelings
• How to get through the challenge of things getting worse
• Why we need to accept the journey however it unfolds without attachment
• Using the self-compassion practice to plant seeds of kindness for ourselves

As I record this I am dealing with a case of shingles so I'm talking about how I'm using self-compassion practices to cope. I recently released an episode on End-of-Life University Podcast about my grief after my father's suicide death, which was very stressful to create and intimidating to publish, so I think this illness is part of the aftermath of that stress. This episode includes:

• Tara Brach's RAIN practice for self-compassion
• Recognize symptoms
• Allow whatever is happening right now
• Investigate how my mind reacts to illness
• Nurture my body and be kind to myself
• Finding gratitude for all the work my body and mind do for me

In this episode I share some thoughts on why the spiritual journey to expanded consciousness can cause us to feel lonely and to miss the tight-knit religious communities we may have been part of at an earlier time in our journey. This episode includes:

• The health benefits of being part of a supportive community
• Why our spiritual growth may require us to be lonely at times
• Finding "micro-community" through little moments of connection with others
• How to see humanity as our ultimate community

I'm recording this episode the day after my birthday and sharing some thoughts about growing older and what I'm doing to shift my attitude about my age from negative to positive. This episode includes:

• Why the term "elderhood" is better than "old age"
• The important health benefits of a positive attitude toward aging
• Traits that predict "successful" aging
• The most helpful habits for a healthy elderhood
• 4 keys to longevity

In this episode I talk about breaking the cycle of shame and unworthiness that leaves us feeling like we are never good enough. This episode includes:

• We are hardwired to compare ourselves to others and to fear rejection
• How a 4 year old boy is teaching emotional intelligence to adults on social media
• Why we need to develop self-acceptance and find happiness in being ordinary
• The affirmations that will help us accept ourselves: everybody makes mistakes and I'm learning
• How to use the "little bit farther" method to make tiny steps of progress
• Why helping a stranger might be the best way to feel good enough

In this episode we continue to look at childhood wounds and the idea that healing may require us to grieve and mourn the losses that have occurred. For me this seems to be a missing piece of my healing journey and I hope it resonates with you as well. This episode includes:

• Why we may not be able to heal if we don't recognized our grief from childhood
• William Worden's Four Tasks of Mourning
• How to heal using the 3 keys: Name It, Reclaim It, Reframe It
• Telling a new story about your precious life

"The broken heart that has been healed through grieving is stronger and more loving than the one that has never been injured." - Pete Walker

This week I'm continuing my mini-series on childhood trauma by talking specifically about shame, which many of us carry into adulthood. This episode includes:

• The difference between guilt and shame
• How shame has been used as a tool by parents, teachers, religious leaders, other adults in our lives, and even our peers
• How shame undermines our belief in ourselves to grow and change
• 3 dysfunctional responses to the pain of shame
• Steps to engage with shame and heal it

In this second episode on trauma we explore more tools for healing, whether we've experienced trauma in our own lifetimes or are carrying ancestral trauma. This episode includes:

In this episode I share some insights I've had recently from reading Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score. This has been a powerful learning experience for me and I'm happy to share it with you because I now realize that we all have trauma from the past that we need to heal. I'll share more on this next week. This episode includes:

• The ACE Study and the implications of childhood trauma on our physical, emotional, and mental health
• Mainstream medicine continues to ignore the role of trauma in illness
• How the imprint of trauma changes how we think and behave
• 4 steps toward recovery of our wholeness

In this 100th episode of the podcast I talk about my experience with being still and silent last week as I dealt with a case of laryngitis. This led me to ponder the value of this podcast and to recognize our connectedness and how a podcast might help us recognize the energetic tapestry that we are all weaving together. This episode includes:

• Synchronicities that continue to inspire to create content
• The stories that connect us all
• Why it's important to recognize the bonds between us and the continuing bonds with loved ones who have died

In this episode I talk about the resistance in some parts of our society to the idea of finding meaning in the difficulties of life. I share my own journey of discovering meaning in life and how I now perceive the tragedies that have happened in the past. This episode includes:

• What people from 17 different countries find meaningful in life (according to a survey)
• How we humans are wired to find meaning in our existence before we die
• Why Viktor Frankl said that people who found meaning were more likely to survive in concentration camps
• Why some people reject the idea that life's challenges could have meaning
• How to see the magic and miracles of existence without being a magical thinker

In this episode recorded on Valentine's Day I share some stories about love and how we can continue to find the light of love even in times of despair and hopelessness. This episode includes:

• How an anonymous gift can change everything.
• How we found love in a nursing home.
• The "many-splintered" nature of love.
• Self-compassion practice for opening to the light of love.
• The Lovingkindness Blessing.

In this episode I share some thoughts on how we can actually become wiser as we go through life and why we need to utilize our own life experiences to help us grow. This episode includes:

• The difference between knowledge and wisdom
• The "3 pillars" of wisdom
• Why external sources (like sacred scriptures) are not enough to help us grow in true wisdom
• The inward journey requires us to examine the pain of life
• The 7 lessons that have formed my "wisdom path"

In this episode I discuss my own longing for awe-inspiring experiences in my day-to-day life and what I've learned about AWE through my studies. This episode includes:

• The definition of awe
• What creates an experience of awe for us
• The 8 benefits of awe experiences
• The most common source of awe as shown in studies
• The daily A.W.E. practice that can remind you to be open to living in awe of the universe

In this podcast I share some insights I got while reading Ann Neumann's book The Good Death. She tells a story about meeting with a disability advocate who is adamantly opposed to medical aid in dying and how they became friends over time by listening and understanding each other's perspective. Taking more than one perspective is part of our growth to higher consciousness and I share some steps to take:

• Understand how your own "lens" has formed throughout your life 
• Be willing to broaden your perspective beyond the one way you are accustomed to looking at the world
• Let go of anger toward others who disagree with you
• Define carefully the terms you use in stating your position
• Listen first with an open heart
• Be curious about the other person and how their "lens" came to be
• Seek to understand the pain and fear that have shaped them

In this episode I talk about contrasting messages observed on social media: "You're going to die" vs "There is no death." It's important to look at the levels of consciousness from which these two seemingly opposite statements arise in order to see how they could both be true at the same time. This episode includes:

• How people on both sides of this discussion dislike my use of "end of life"
• What end of life means to me as an umbrella term
• What it means to "die before we die"
• Why we need to embrace physical death even if we believe that consciousness persists after death
• What we learn from death and dying and why it's important
• Why we need to help the ego accept death (rather than foster more denial of death)

In this episode I share some advice that was offered by a teacher of astrology for the coming year. She recommended that we each figure out what is most precious to us and remember to live by that and bring it to the world this year. For me, what is most precious is also "what really matters" and the "ultimate concern" of our lives. This episode includes:

• How I first discovered "what really matters" in my life at age 16
• Why we need to have a core principle or value that informs and illuminates our path
• How to figure out what is most precious to you
• Why love is my core value
• Why I focus not on pushing more love out to the world but on removing my inner blocks that prevent love from flowing

Welcome to the first episode of 2023! Today I'm sharing a list of 10 strategies used by free climber Alex Honnold to overcome fear as he trained to do a solo free-climb of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park in 2017. Let's apply those strategies to our own lives as we figure out how to navigate the challenges of aging and facing our own mortality. This episode includes Alex's strategies:

• Desire to overcome fear
• Reflect in a journal
• Have confidence in your strengths
• Reframe your emotions
• Work with your doubts
• Control the things you can control
• Expand your comfort zone gradually
• Prepare extensively
• Coach yourself through fear
• Don't be afraid to back off when needed

In this episode I take a look back at 2022 and share with you the practices I've utilized this year - some old and some new - that have made a big difference for me. Stop for a moment and reflect on this year for you - what have you done that has made a difference for you? This episode includes my top 10:

In this episode I dive deeper into the Inward Journey (or Arc) mentioned in last week's episode. This journey is essential for rising above the control of the ego in our lives and the narcissism it perpetuates. This episode includes:

• The Inward Journey is often catalyzed by crisis or things falling apart.
• Why you need to understand how ego operates and recognize its control over your behavior
• Why healing the pain and wounds of the Shadow is an important part of the Inward Journey.
• The behaviors and values of ego vs. higher consciousness.
• How to become aware of your own higher consciousness and empower it to better manage the ego.
• How to use the book The Journey from Ego to Soul as a resource for the Inward Journey and an antidote to narcissism.

This episode begins with a quote from philosopher Alan Watts who says that belief is almost the opposite of faith. We'll take a deep dive into that comment and what it might mean, particularly for the 4 stages of consciousness that are predominant in our society right now. This episode includes:

• How Alan Watts differentiates belief and faith.
• A review of the 4 predominant stages of consciousness.
• How belief, doubt, and faith unfold with advancing consciousness.
• Why doubt is a necessary step to get from belief to faith.
• Why increased creativity and vision are possible at the Integral level of consciousness.
• Why it takes inner work to dissolve old beliefs and make space for new possibilities.

In this episode I'm sharing what I've learned about toxic positivity and how to avoid it in our own lives and in our work with other people. This episode includes:

• The definition of toxic positivity.
• Why it's harmful, especially to people going through a time of darkness.
• The vicious cycle of feeling guilty for experiencing painful emotions.
• What to say to someone who is hurting avoid toxically positive comments.
• Why all of our coping tools like meditation and gratitude may not be helpful in the midst of deep despair.
• How to allow all your feelings to arise and just hold them in the "safe container" of your awareness.
• Why gratitude practices might be helpful for expanding your awareness and resilience if you wait to do them after you rise up out of the darkness.

In this episode I'm answering a listener's question who has faced a lot of disappointment and discouragement in trying to bring their gifts to the world. I'll share with you how I answered that question (which I have also asked a few times in my life) and what I think we need to do to cope with this kind of challenge. This episode includes:

• Why the timing may not be quite right yet for your gifts to be received.
• Why there may be small things you need to tweak or adjust in your "creation" before it is truly ready.
• The importance of looking within for internal obstacles to sharing your gift - things you need to heal or learn in order to be fully ready for your gift to be received.
• Remember to be patient and humble with the timing of life and the Universe.
• Start small and grow gradually.
• Keep working on yourself as you perfect your gift for the world.
• Keep trusting.

In this episode I'm looking at the quality of resilience and why we need to have more of it right now as we navigate life on planet Earth. With the help of a fun self-assessment from www.resiliencecenter.com we'll look at the factors that determine our resilience and some things we can do to improve it. This episode includes:

• What it means to be resilient.
• How to assess your own level of resilience.
• Why it's possible to increase your ability to be resilient.
• How life itself can help us become resilient through the challenges it brings us.
• Practices to help strengthen our resilience.

I'm recording this as we face another crucial election day here in the US and fear seems to be at an all-time all around me. We need to learn how to stay in a state of love and not be consumed by this fear so I'm sharing my thoughts on how to do that. This episode includes:

• How our brains are wired to perceive negative events and emotions 10X more strongly than positive.
• Why we have to have practices to move ourselves toward a state of love when fear threatens to take over.
• How Nelson Mandela cultivated love and forgiveness despite being imprisoned for 27 years.
• What if feels like to be in a state of love.
• Viktor Frankl's thoughts on the importance of love for finding meaning in life and suffering.
• Create beauty as a way to move toward love.
• Remember that there is a force of divine love all around us: All shall be well.

In this episode I'm finally getting around to looking at one of my core issues in life: procrastination (I'm a master at it.) This episode includes:

• Why we procrastinate.
• What I'm procrastinating on right now.
• The positive and negative aspects of procrastination.
• The downward spiral of procrastination and self-judgment.
• Studies show that procrastination and low self-compassion go hand-in-hand.
• How to use a "self-compassion break" to stop procrastinating

In this episode I'm sharing some thoughts on how to deal with our mistakes both in the past and the present. According to research we humans are not very good at accepting or learning from failure and this is something I want to deal with in my own life. This episode includes:

• People avoid learning from failure because it is too threatening to the ego.
• Reframe past failure into positive stories of growth and learning.
• It's important to feel all the feelings associated with failure: sadness, regret, guilt, shame, disappointment.
• Have a long-term goal that transcends all your failures.
• Use mindfulness and self-compassion to cope with the uncomfortable emotions around failure.
• Break new tasks into smaller steps to lessen the chance of a big failure.

Today I'm sharing my own inner work on feelings of despair that have been present a lot during recent times because of all the struggle and pain in the world right now. But I've found some ways to rise above despair that I hope you'll find helpful too. This episode includes:

• Why it's important to find our own meaning during times of despair.
• My 6 favorite action steps that help me rise above despair.
• How despair has within it the seeds of hope.
• The mindset we need to cultivate to get through times of suffering.

You know how people always say "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst?" Let's talk about HOW to actually be prepared for the challenges that life can bring our way. If we devote some time every day to practicing for an unknown future, we can build our resilience and our ability to be ready for growth when difficulties offer us an opportunity. This episode includes:

In this episode I share the progress I've been making using the tools of self-compassion I learned several weeks ago from Kristin Neff's website: www.self-compassion.org. I also talk about a recent resurgence of old inner messages of guilt and shame about my father's death related to working on an old manuscript. This episode includes:

• How self-compassion has changed how I view myself and also how I perceive criticism from others.
• Why my old stored feelings of grief and guilt have been coming into view recently.
• How self-blame and shame actually discourage us from utilizing self-compassion.
• How old threads of guilt are dissolving away quickly as I apply self-compassion.
• The steps of self-compassion I'm finding helpful.

In this episode I share some interesting information I've been reading from psychologist and anxiety researcher Tracy Dennis-Tiwary. Her new book is Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for Your (Even Though it Feels Bad.) This research really opened my mind to view anxiety in a positive light and I think it is life-changing for our society! This episode includes:

• How anxiety has been pathologized and medicalized in the past.
• Why rejecting anxious feelings just leads to more anxiety.
• How anxiety is like a smoke detector, encouraging you to investigate something to learn more about what's happening.
• Moderate anxiety actually triggers the release of oxytocin (the LOVE hormone!)
• What to do with anxious feelings.
• How to distinguish moderate anxiety from Anxiety Disorder, which may need medical treatment. 

Today I'm talking about another of those existential questions people often ask Google: Why is life so painful? I take you on a journey through my thoughts of the past few days and how I've learned to live with questions that can never be fully answered. This episode includes:

• How childbirth and grief are painful experiences at opposite ends of the life journey.
• The story of Parsifal on his quest for the Holy Grail.
• The two questions that can help us transcend the ego and find the soul.
• Why asking the right questions is more important than finding the answers.