From One Caregiver to Another
By Kay Coughlin
From One Caregiver to AnotherMay 17, 2023
108. DeLon Canterbury - Medication Deprescribing and Caregivers
In this episode, join host Kay Coughlin and her guest, Dr. DeLon Canterbury, who is an expert on deprescribing and the difference it can make in the lives of family caregivers. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Find Dr. DeLon Canterbury at Geriatrx: www.geriatrx.org
Find Deprescribing.org at: deprescribing.org
Get full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode108
Find information on the Here4TheKids movement and the gathering in Denver on June 5, 2023: Here4TheKids.com/
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay's Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
107. Altagracia Montilla - Awareness and Action
Join host, white woman Kay Coughlin, as she welcomes a very special guest, Altagracia Montilla, professional change-maker and systems innovator, and BIPOC woman. In this episode, Kay and Altagracia talk about some very difficult topics, like racism, white supremacy and how a lot of people, including white folk, get wokeness wrong. They also talk about some of life’s greatest gifts and opportunities, like doing work that feeds your soul. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Find information on the Here4TheKids movement and the gathering in Denver on June 5, 2023: Here4TheKids.com/
Find Altagracia Montilla here: https://altagraciamontilla.com/
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find Kay’s antiracism sources here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Antiracism
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
106. Self-Care Love Note
What happens when your life gets upended and you have to figure out how to keep up with your own needs and care, too? That’s what host Kay Coughlin talks about in this episode of the podcast. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Get full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode106
Find information on the Here4TheKids movement and the gathering in Denver on June 5, 2023: Here4TheKids.com/
Episodes with author Kate Washington as mentioned in the podcast: 91 and 92
Find "Poison Spoon," Kay's new blog on confronting her own racism here: "Poison Spoon"
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay's Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
105. Brittany Lamb, MD - Medical Planning for Dementia Caregivers
Find Brittany Lamb, MD, here: blambmd.com/
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript of episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode105.
104. Caregiver Shaming
What is caregiver shaming, and how can you recognize it and put a stop to it? Join Kay Coughlin for this discussion of a difficult, very common and absolutely unnecessary aspect of having family caregiver responsibilities. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript available here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode104
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
103. Unsolicited Sales Calls
Join host Kay Coughlin to talk about why you, or maybe someone in your life, spend so much time letting unsolicited sales calls - on the phone or in person - waste so much of their time. And why you feel guilty when you hang up on them. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript available here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode103/
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
102. Shawn Moore - Caregivers for Veterans
This episode is for caregivers of military and veterans. Join host Kay Coughlin as she talks to Shawn Moore, LMSW, Program Manager, Financial Wellness, Elizabeth Dole Foundation & Founder, Caregivers on the Homefront. Shawn is a caregiver for a veteran and, when she couldn’t find any help for herself, founded an organization to care for people with caregiver responsibilities in military and veteran situations. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Content Warning: Brief discussion of suicidal ideation
Full transcript available here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode102
Caregivers on the Homefront: https://caregivers-homefront.org/
Elizabeth Dole Foundation: https://www.elizabethdolefoundation.org/
Red Cross Military and Veteran: https://www.redcross.org/get-help/military-families/services-for-veterans/military-veteran-caregiver-network.html
AARP: https://www.aarp.org/search/?q=caregivers&c=everywhere
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
101. Adaptability and Human Giver Syndrome
Does it ever seem like you’re the one who adapts to everybody else - family, clients, colleagues and friends - but nobody bothers to accommodate you? In this episode, host Kay Coughlin talks about this aspect of Human Giver Syndrome, and how it can affect every part of your life. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript of the episode here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode101
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
100. Celebrate Your Wins
Join host Kay Coughlin to talk about celebrating your wins! Why? This is episode 100 of the podcast, and Kay wants to celebrate with YOU! As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript of the episode here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode100
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
99. Fayron Epps, PhD, RN - How to Include Dementia Caregivers
Join host Kay Coughlin as she talks to Fayron Epps, PhD, RN, about Fayron’s groundbreaking Alter Program. Alter was designed to bring people with dementia – and their caregivers – back to practicing faith. You’ll want to share this episode with your family and faith leaders! As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript of episode here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode99
Find Dr. Fayron Epps and Alter Dementia here: Home – Alter (alterdementia.com)
Find next Alter Dementia monthly informational session (virtual) here: https://tinyurl.com/AlterProgram
Find Faith Village Research Labs here: Faith Village Research Lab (emory.edu)
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
98. Power of the Pause
Have you ever stopped to think about the difference between speed and haste? What would it mean for your work and life to be able to slow down and respond with thoughtfulness, instead of racing ahead and always rushing? Join jost Kay Coughlin for this episode about a free tool that’s available to all of us: the pause. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Full transcript of episode 98 is here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode98
See Episode 56, “Real Self-Care Actions,” for another Viktor Frankl quote reference.
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
97. Reclaim Your Time
How do you reclaim some time for yourself when it means making some changes, and when there are people who are going to be unhappy with you for doing it? That’s what host Kay Coughlin is talking about in this episode of the podcast. Because reclaiming some time is one of the fastest ways to start taking better care of yourself. As always, no judgment, no guilt, and no pressure.
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Read the full transcript of this episode here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode97/
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay's Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
96. Kandis Draw - Real Life as a Caregiver
Join host Kay Coughlin and Kandis Draw, contributor to Caregiving.com and a member of the Illinois State Commission for Gynecological Cancers. Kandis talks about what it was like as a 30-year old to care for her mother, full-time, for 3 years. She shares her real-world thoughts on what caregivers really need while they are in their caregiving years. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Read the full episode transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode96
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Coaching/
Contact Kandis here: email, LinkedIn, Caregiving.com
Find Imerman Angels here: ImermanAngels.org
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay's Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
95. Priorities, Boundaries and New Seasons
In this episode, host Kay Coughlin talks about how setting boundaries is a two-for-one deal: when you set boundaries, you’re also setting priorities. As always, there's no judgment, no guilt, and no pressure.
Learn about business coaching with Kay here: facilitatoronfire.net/coaching
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode95
94. Fatigued by the Holidays?
The holidays are more exhausting for some people. If you’re one of those people, this episode is for you. Join host Kay Coughlin as she talks about how to use your fatigue as a tool to help you figure out what you need right now to reduce your load this season. As always, no judgment, no guilt, and no pressure.
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode94
93. Q&A: "My Kids Won't Help Me"
In this episode, host Kay Coughlin answers a question that comes up a lot in families, “Why won’t my adult kids help with anything over the holidays?” Listen as Kay shares how the solution starts with setting expectations and then deciding in advance what your boundaries are. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Get the Boundaries Playlist here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/BoundariesPlaylist/
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode93
92. Kate Washington - On Caregiving and Burnout, part 2
Join host Kay Coughlin for part two of her conversation with Kate Washington, author of Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America. Kay and Kate talk about what it really feels like to be invisible, the conflicting emotions of asking for help, and how healing it is to be seen again. Listen to part one of the conversation here. As always, no judgment, no guilt and no pressure.
Find Kate Washington, author of Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America, here
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode92
91. Kate Washington - On Caregiving & Burnout, part one
Join host Kay Coughlin for part one of her interview with Kate Washington, author of “Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America.” Kay and Kate talk about what it’s like to feel erased as a family caregiver and why caregiver isolation is such a problem in our culture. As always, no judgment, no pressure and no guilt!
Find Kate Washington, author of Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America, here
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Full transcript can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode91
90. Separating Forgiveness and Reconciliation
“Forgive and forget.” Who hasn’t heard that a million times? The thing is, forgiveness is a complete act. Turns out, you don’t have to forget or reconcile after you forgive somebody. Join host Kay Coughlin to explore this radical way of looking at forgiveness that could free you from a lifetime of emotional baggage. As always, no judgment, no pressure and no guilt!
Read the full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode90
Find Kay's Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Find the Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.mn.co/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Find Kate Washington, author of Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America, here
Trailer
"From One Caregiver to Another" is NOT a podcast about how to be a better family caregiver. It's about remembering that you have your own identity as a person: you are more than a caregiver, and you can live your own life, too. After years of struggling to find the encouragement she needed to prioritize her own needs, Kay Coughlin created this podcast to help caregivers who can also relate to feeling ignored, judged or dismissed by their communities. Whether you are new to caregiving, in the middle of it (like Kay is now), or in your post-caregiving journey, you'll find something in this podcast for you. Join the FREE, private Boundaries Community at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries. Email Kay to learn more about business or leadership coaching at: Kay at FacilitatorOnFire.net. You can learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire) or on LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/jkcoughlin) for straight talk, hope and inspiration.
89. Reducing Holiday Stress, part two (boundary scripts)
Listen to "Reducing Holiday Stress, part one" here: anchor.fm/kay-coughlin/episodes/87--Reducing-Holiday-Stress--Part-One-e1p9574/a-a8mja10
Read the full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode89
Links to more information on everything here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/links
Find Kay on LinkedIn here: www.linkedin.com/in/jkcoughlin
88. Cathy Sikorski: Elder Lawyer & Caregiver Advocate
88. Join host Kay Coughlin for this energetic discussion with Cathy Sikorski, longtime Elder Lawyer and family caregiver. Among many other topics, you’ll get a brief overview of the “big four” legal documents that are critical to have in any caregiving situation. Also, you’ll hear some of what Cathy has learned during her 30 years as a caregiver about how to make sure you get real self-care. As always, you can expect real talk with no judgment, no guilt and no pressure!
Register for Nancy’s House conference (Sat, Nov 5, 2022) here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Events
Find Cathy Sikorski here: CathySikorski.com. Email Cathy directly at: Cathy (dot) Sikorski at Gmail (dot) com
Find Kay’s Sources page here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Sources
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
87. Reducing Holiday Stress, Part One
If holidays are a major source of stress for you, it’s time to take a new approach to your holidays. You can reduce your stress by getting ahead of it. In part one on this topic, your host Kay Coughlin guides you through how to think through your holidays to identify the stressful situations that are specific to you. As always, you'll find real talk with no pressure, no judgment and no guilt.
Read the full transcript of this episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode87/
Join the online membership for caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Get more information on everything else here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links.
Join Kay's free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries
Find the podcast "Made of Stronger Stuff" here.
86. You Can Share Responsibilities
Ever wonder why it’s so dang hard for you to share responsibilities with other people? And why you have so much trouble accepting help, even when you need and want it so much? In this episode, your host Kay Coughlin talks about the generations of women in her family who have struggled with this exact problem and how it shows up in her life today. And the good news is that Kay is finally breaking this pattern - and you can too!
Read the full episode transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode86
Join the free & open to everybody Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries
Find the monthly membership community for family caregivers here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership
Links to everything here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links
Kay's podcast producer, Chris Martin, can be found here: ChrisMartinStudios.com
85. Jenn Abbenhaus - Fresh Take on Caring for Yourself
Health and fitness coach Jenn Abbenhaus felt she already had an unusual sensitivity to the needs of her clients with family caregiver responsibilities - and then she became a caregiver for her own grandfather. In this episode, Jenn and host Kay Coughlin get real about taking care of yourself when there’s so much pressure to feel guilty if you’re not focusing 100% of your efforts on being a caregiver. As always, there's no judgment, no guilt and no pressure!
Read the full transcript of this episode here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode85/
Contact Jenn Abbenhaus by email here: jennifer.abbenhaus at gmail.com. Join Jenn's facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.abbenhaus.
Join Kay's free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership
84. Why Is It So Hard To Come Back From a Break?
The planning it takes to go on a break can be intense and stressful, especially for people with family caregiver responsibilities. If doing all the prep just to get out the door makes you want to skip the whole idea of taking a break, but you know you’re desperate for one, this episode is for you. As always, there's no judgment, guilt or pressure here!
Find the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links.
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership.
Read the full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode84.
83. Tuning Out Unwanted Messages
With so many messages coming at us every day, how do we tune out the ones that aren’t helpful? And how do we sort through it all to figure out what’s useful and what’s not? Join host Kay Coughlin as she encourages all of us to consider this so we can live in a way that’s freeing. As always, there's no judgment, guilt or pressure here.
Find the full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode83
Monthly membership for family caregivers is here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership
Join the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries. This community is open to everyone - you don't have to be a family caregiver to benefit from setting boundaries.
82. Kim Terry: Caring for Caregivers
Join host Kay Coughlin as she talks to Kim Terry, executive director of Nancy’s House. Nancy’s House is a nonprofit currently operating on the east coast of the U.S., providing retreats and other services focused on helping family caregivers take better care of themselves.
AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving study mentioned: Caregiving in the US 2020 | The National Alliance for Caregiving
Nancy’s House can be found here: nancys-house.org
Full transcript of episode can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode82/
Boundaries Community can be found here: Facilitatoronfire.net/
Monthly membership for family caregivers is here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership
81. "Do I Have to Let My In-Laws Move In?"
Read the full transcript here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode81
Join the free Boundaries Community here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/Membership
80. Why It's Hard to Do Less
What happens when you think about doing less? If it’s hard to even consider, and your mind starts sounding off some alarm bells, you’re not alone. We’ve been conditioned to do more, not less. In this episode, your host Kay Coughlin talks about the reasons it’s so hard to do less, and how you can get started when you are ready. As always, no judgment or guilt, and no pressure!
Read the full episode transcript here: facilitatoronfire.net/episode80/
Find the membership for family caregivers here: facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/ This community is open to everyone, so you don't have to be a family caregiver to join.
79. Kind People Say No, Too
Can you really say no and still be a kind person? Yes, you can. In this episode, your host, Kay Coughlin, explains why we confuse these two behaviors and how you can say no and still be kind if you want to.
Read the full transcript of this episode here: facilitatoronfire.net/episode79
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/. This Community is open to everybody - you don't have to be a family caregiver to join!
78. Being Gentle with Yourself
In this episode, host Kay Coughlin talks about ways she is being gentle with herself. Even when our culture seems to be pushing in the opposite direction. Kay gets pretty honest here, in the hopes that something she admits will help you be more gentle with yourself, too.
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/. This community is open to everybody - you don't have to be a family caregiver to join!
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership
Read the full transcript of the episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode78
77. Gen X and Millennial Family Caregivers
Gen X and Millennial family caregivers don’t get much attention and don’t get much in the way of resources right now. Yet as the middle generations of adults, we are the silent backbone of our families and of the economy. And we don’t have to put up with being ignored, and left to struggle alone, anymore. As always, there's no judgment and no guilt here.
Find the family caregiver membership here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Free Boundaries Community is here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries
Read the full transcript of this episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode77
Sources cited: AARP/NAC "Caregiving in the U.S. 2020" study. CDC "Mental health among parents...and unpaid caregivers of adults...Dec 2020-Feb 2021" study.
76. The Art of Saying Yes
What if you could transform “yes” into “HECK YES!” What if you could stop saying “yes” so darn fast, and instead, you could learn to pause before you say “yes?” Join host Kay Coughlin to talk about how to say “yes” from a place that will make your life better and more fulfilling. As always, there’s no guilt and no judgment here.
Listen to full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode76/
Episodes mentioned: 75 (The Art of Saying No) and 68 (When People Only See You as a Caregiver)
Monthly Membership for family caregivers: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Free Boundaries Community: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries
75. The Art of Saying No
If the thought of saying “no” makes you feel a little (or a lot) uneasy, you’re not alone. Join host Kay Coughlin for this very practical episode on how to say “no” even when you feel uncomfortable. As always, no guilt and no judgment here!
Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode75/
Join the membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Get links to everything here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
74. How to Rest
One of the main reasons we don’t rest is that we’re not taught how to do it. And even if we know how, we’re not encouraged to rest, either. Join host Kay Coughlin for this discussion of some tactics to build rest into your life - one of these only takes one minute! Throughout the episode, Kay references the guide she wrote called “How to Rest,” and you can get that in the Library area here or here. As always, you can expect to be guided with no judgment and no guilt!
Read the full episode transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode74/
Find the membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Boundaries Community is here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Links to everything, including links to contact Kay, here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
73. "I just need a break"
Humans need rest. It’s a biological fact. Why, then, do we push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion, mental anguish, and physical stress before we finally whisper to someone, “I need a break”? Join host Kay Coughlin in this episode to find out how you can help yourself get a break before you are desperate. As always, no judgment and no guilt!
Read the full transcript of this episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode73
Find the membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join the free, private Boundaries Community (everybody is welcome, you don't have to be a caregiver) here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
72. Quit making last minute plans and changes on us
If you are fed up with people making and changing plans on you at the last minute (or even worse, cancelling), this episode is for you. Join host Kay Coughlin to hear what you can do so that you don’t have to be the victim of this kind of disrespect any more.
Read the full episode transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode72
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
"5 Love Languages" work by Gary Chapman link: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
71. Grieving your old life
Did you know it’s totally normal for family caregivers to feel grief over the way your life used to look? Missing something that’s gone is just grief, and it doesn’t make you a bad person! Join host in this episode Kay Coughlin to explore this sensitive and somewhat taboo topic. As always, no judgment and no guilt.
Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode71/
Join the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/
70. "Just gotta get through this day..."
Is the saying “I’ve just gotta get through this day” the only thing that’s getting you through most of your days? You’re not alone! Join host Kay Coughlin to find out how to use this very common saying as a clue to get what you really need out of daily life. As always, there's no judgment and no guilt here.
Join the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Read the full transcript here: facilitatoronfire.net/episode70/
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/
69. Tough love vs. boundaries
Tough love and boundaries. What’s the difference? Does it even matter? There’s room in relationships for both boundaries and tough love. It’s really about knowing what makes them different and knowing which one to use when.
Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode69
Find the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join Kay's free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Find links to everything here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
68. When people only see you as a caregiver
Do you ever feel like other people only see you as a caregiver? Does it feel like they’ve forgotten about all the other things that are important to you, too? In this episode, your host Kay Coughlin names this for what it is - an identity crisis - and talks about how to overcome it. As always, no judgment and no guilt!
Join the membership here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Find Chris McAlister's "Figure That Shift Out" book and "Sight Shift" work here: https://www.sightshift.com/
Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode68/
67. When family won't cooperate
What do you do if you’re a person with family caregiver responsibilities - and your family refuses to cooperate with what you want and need? And what if the person who refuses to cooperate is the person you care for? That’s what host Kay Coughlin is talking about in this episode of the podcast. As always, there's no judgment and no guilt here!
Join the monthly membership for family caregivers here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/membership/
Read transcript of full episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode67/
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
66. Self-Compassion
Join host Kay Coughlin in this episode to learn what self-compassion really is and how it can change your life for the better.. If you think self-compassion is a practice that will make you weak and passive, you couldn’t be farther from the truth!
Read full transcript of this episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode66/
Join the From One Caregiver to Another monthly membership here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/landing/plans/198488
Join the Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Find the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion here: https://centerformsc.org/
65. Beliefs about taking care of yourself
What do you believe about taking care of yourself right now? That’s going to show up in the way you actually take care of yourself (or not). Join Kay Coughlin for this episode about how to notice the beliefs and thoughts that are in your mind right now. So that you can choose what you really want instead. As always, there’s no guilt and no judgment here!
Register for "Prioritize You" here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/prioritizeyou/
Full transcript of episode is available here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode65/
Links to everything else here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
64. How to stop listening to judging voices
In this episode, host Kay Coughlin talks about how judging voices don’t have to control your life anymore. Whether the judging is coming from somebody else or from your own mind, you have a choice about how much power it has over you.
Full transcript of this episode can be found here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode64/
Register for Prioritize You here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/prioritizeyou/
Join the From One Caregiver to Another monthly membership here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/landing/plans/198488
Learn more about all of this work and find a link to join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
63. How to reduce your stress
Feeling stress is a normal human experience. If you’re tired of hearing unhelpful advice about how to manage it, listen to this episode as Kay Coughlin gives you practical, truly useful tips.
Register for "Prioritize You" here (begins April 11, 2022): https://facilitatoronfire.net/prioritizeyou/
Full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode63/
Get Kay's free "How to Rest" guide in the Library area here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
62. Nice vs. kind
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the important difference between being nice and being kind. As people with caregiver responsibilities, we often think we’re at the limits of what we can handle. That’s when a commitment to kindness can make all the difference. There are times for both niceness and kindness, but how do you know the difference?
Read the full show transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/what-overwhelm-tells-you/
Register for Prioritize You workshop here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/events/
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links
Bonus: What overwhelm is trying to tell you
In this bonus episode, Kay Coughlin reads her article called "What overwhelm is trying to tell you." You can use your overwhelm as a source of data, so that you can ultimately reduce the overwhelm.
Read this article at FacilitatorOnFire.net/StopOverwhelm
Join the free Boundaries Community here https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Get help with your mental health right away at NAMI.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
Register for "Prioritize You" workshop here FacilitatorOnFire.net/events/
61. Emotional Labor
What is emotional labor? And why does it matter to you and the way you approach your responsibilities as a family caregiver, sandwich family caregiver, or parent? Once you understand what emotional labor is, you can become more intentional about sharing the load, instead of doing it all yourself.
Read the full transcript: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode61/
Find the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
Register for "Prioritize You" here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/events/
60. What are limiting beliefs?
What is a limiting belief, anyway, and why does it matter to every human being? It’s especially important to understand if you want to make a change in your life, but then you feel terrible every time you think about changing anything. In this episode, host Kay Coughlin explains what a limiting belief is, how to see them showing up in your life, and how to process them so you can decide what you want instead.
Read the full transcript at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode60
Get the "Thought Download" for free in the Boundaries Community at https://facilitatoronfire.mn.co/
"Overcoming Your Emotional Grind" book is available here FacilitatorOnFire.net/Books
Find the Boundaries Community at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links
Register for "Prioritize You" at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Links
59. Ten New Thoughts for Family Caregivers
Join Kay Coughlin as she shares 10 new thoughts for family caregivers, sandwich family caregivers and parents to think. Why do we all need this? Well, we hear way too may old stories about living small, negative, limited and painful lives. What we need to hear instead is a set of new messages to encourage us and remind us that we don't have to live life the "old" way. Get the PDF of the 10 thoughts in the Library area of the Boundaries Community.
Join the free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/links/
Link to full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode59
Links to everything at Facilitator On Fire, including how to get in touch with Kay, here.
58. Breaking the cycle of loneliness
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how to break the cycle of loneliness and isolation. Because Kay is seeing that loneliness is slowly breaking way too many of us. As always, if you prefer to read, the full transcript is available on the show page here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode58.
Find the free boundaries community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Other episodes mentioned: 32 and 38.
Get more information on everything here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Follow Kay on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/ and on LinkedIn here: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jkcoughlin
57. Should you become a family caregiver?
Should you become a family caregiver? That’s what Kay Coughlin discusses in this episode. Kay gives the ten questions that she asked herself before she decided to become a caregiver. Whether you are a caregiver already or not, these questions can help you get un-stuck, and get the help you need immediately.
Get the ten questions and join the free boundaries community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode57/
Get more information about all of this work here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
56. Real self-care actions
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what real self-care looks like and discusses 10 true self-care actions. These will work for all humans. Whether you like bubble baths or not.
Join free Boundaries community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Full transcript of episode can be read here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode56
Find the "between stimulus and response" graphic and follow Kay on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/
Learn more about all of the work here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/LearnMore
55. Toxic positivity vs. forced positivity
The term "toxic positivity" has been heard more often in pop culture lately. But what if positivity can't be toxic? What if the problem is forced positivity - and even forced gratitude? Kay Coughlin explores why this idea can actually make positivity hurtful, and how to break the cycle of forced positivity.
Find the boundaries community (free) here https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Books mentioned in the episode: "The Gratitude Factor" by Charles Shelton. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David.
More information here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Read full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode55/
54. One year later
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the year that has gone by since she wrote “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind.” If you are suffering at all from the way guilt controls your life, or if you feel like you don't have any choice about what your life looks like as a person who has caregiver responsibilities, you will definitely want to listen to this! Read the full transcript here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/episode54.
Get the book here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/books/.
Listen to chapter one here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Join the free community to talk about boundaries here https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Six: Busting the Myths of Boundaries
This is the audio recording of message six in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. In this message, Kay talks about why the idea of boundaries can strike so much fear in our hearts, and she busts some of the most common myths about boundaries. The other episodes of the podcast Kay references in this message are 40, 49 and 50.
To leave a comment or read the messages, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/
To sign up to receive encouraging message about overwhelm and boundaries, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/
To join Kay's free, private community on boundaries, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore
Five: Set boundaries to stop the overwhelm
This is audio version of message five in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about learning to recognize when you might need to set a boundary to reduce your overwhelm. To leave a comment of read the messages, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21
To sign up to receive encouraging messages about overwhelm and boundaries, or to send an email to Kay, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/
53. Breaking up with drama
If you’ve ever had to live or work with somebody who is constantly stirring up drama, you know how exhausting it can be. How do you manage to stop the drama so it doesn’t control you? That’s what this podcast episode is all about.
Register for the “Boundaries & Holidays” workshop here. https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Get Kay Coughlin’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming the Emotional Grind” here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/books/
Join the free community to talk about boundaries here. https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
Learn more about everything mentioned in this episode here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Four: Decide what to do instead of feeding the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message four in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about deciding what you want to do instead of continuing to feed your overwhelm.
To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/).
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/).
Three: Get curious to stop the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message three in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about skill #2, which is to get curious. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm).
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/)
Two: Choose one thing - stop the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message two in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about skill #1, which is to choose just one thing to focus on. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm).
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/)
One: Stop the Overwhelm, Set Boundaries
This is the audio version of message one in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm).
52. Overfunctioning
In this episode, Kay Coughlin confesses to being an overfunctioner, and explains what overfunctioning is and when it might be a problem for caregivers. Importantly, when a caregiver overfunctions for a care receiver, it might be keeping both people in that relationship from improving their own health and well-being.
Full transcript available here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode52/)
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/)
Join the FREE community to talk about boundaries here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/)
Bonus: Holidays and boundaries - workshop!
Kay Coughlin's "Boundaries and Holidays" workshop starts Tuesday, October 19! How do you know this 4-week online workshop might be right for you? If you are struggling with feelings of dread or resentment about any upcoming traditions (like Thanskgiving) or celebrations (like an invitation to a destination wedding), or if you feel forced to participate in family events, this workshop will help you get the skills you need to say "no" to what you don't want. So you can say "yes" to what you'd rather do instead! More information and registration information is at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
51. Being a sandwich family caregiver
If you are raising kids and caring for an adult at the same time, you’re what’s known as a “sandwich family caregiver.” In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about her personal experience being a sandwich family caregiver. She describes the range of life experiences (like having to deal with piles of unsolicited advice) that are common to sandwich family caregivers and that make this group unique. URGENT: 85% of family caregivers in the U.S. say they are struggling with mental health, which makes it an epidemic! If you are a family caregiver, you do NOT have to go through this alone - join Kay's free Boundaries Community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/.
Full transcript of episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode51/
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Join the FREE community to talk about boundaries here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/
"Already Toast" by Kate Washington: https://www.kawashington.com/already-toast.html
50. Boundaries and guilt, part two
50. In this episode, Kay Coughlin gets right to heart of one of the most important reasons we don’t like to set boundaries: guilt. Is it possible to stop the cycle of guilt so that it doesn’t control your life and hold you back any more? Yes, it is. Also listen to part one on boundaries and guilt (episode 49) to learn about the critical difference between guilt and shame, and to learn why it actually IS polite to tell people about your boundaries.
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore
Join the free community to talk about boundaries here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore
Follow Kay on Instagram here: Instagram.com/FacilitatorOnFire
Transcript of this episode: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode50
49. Boundaries and Guilt, part one
In this episode, Kay Coughlin starts to tackle the tough and sensitive topic of why we feel so guilty when we set boundaries. Listen to this episode (49) to learn about the critical difference between guilt and shame, and to learn why we have a misconception that telling people about our boundaries is not polite. In the next episode (50) Kay will talk directly about how to handle the guilt that is so common and normal when we set and hold boundaries.
Link to full transcript. https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode49/
Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Join free community to talk about boundaries here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
Follow Kay on Instagram here. https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/
Bonus: Join the free online community to talk about boundaries
People with all kinds of caregiver responsibilities are invited to join the new free community to talk about boundaries! Why do personal boundaries matter? Well, when you can learn how to tell people what's OK and what's not OK with you, you will have a real chance to live a life that makes you happy. And yes, everyone has a right to have their own boundaries. Even YOU. The link to join is at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries.
48. The post-caregiver stage
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about some of the most common experiences of being a post-caregiver. What is a post-caregiver exactly? It’s the last of the four stages of being a caregiver. This is the stage that you enter when your family caregiver duties end, whether it’s by choice or because the person you were caring for gets better or passes away. Full transcript of episode is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode48/). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays, or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another community, here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). Here's the link to the podcast episode of Brene Brown's "Unlocking Us" featuring David Kessler. If you want almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here (Instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/).
47. Long-term stage of caregiver responsibilities
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it’s really like to be in the long-term stage of caregiver responsibilities. If you’ve been taking care of someone for any length of time and especially if you are feeling exhausted or burned out, this will be a great episode for you, because Kay gives a list of seven specific action steps you can take right now to improve your own life. Full transcript of episode is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode47). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays, or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another community, here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here.
46. Short-term or acute stage of being a caregiver
If you have ever been a caregiver in a short-term or acute situation - and certainly if that’s your situation right now - this episode is for you. While it’s typical to think mostly about the needs of the care receiver in an acute situation, you as the caregiver are in it too, whether or not other people are keeping you top of mind. In this episode, I talk about why this stage of being a caregiver can be so exhausting physically and mentally, and why it’s critical to learn to accept help from people right away. This episode is number two of four in my mini-series on the four stages of being a person with caregiver responsibilities. Full transcript is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode46). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another facebook group here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here.
45. What it's like to be in the early stage of caregiver responsibilities
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it’s like to be an early-stage caregiver, including her own experiences with her family. Kay has identified four stages of caregiver responsibilities - early-stage, short-term or acute, long-term or more stable and post-caregiver - and has recorded an episode about the caregiver experience in each stage. Over the next four weeks, you can listen to whichever episodes in the mini-series are most useful to you. And you can also help a friend who needs help understanding what they are going through by recommending the episode that could be most useful for them. Full transcript is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode45). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and holidays or to get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another facebook group, go here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram.
43. The difference between boundaries and walls
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the difference between emotional walls and boundaries, why it matters, and why you might need both at some point in your life and relationships. Read the full transcript of show at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode43/. For more information about Kay’s next webinar on boundaries or Human Giver Syndrome, or to find the new “From One Caregiver to Another” Facebook group, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. For daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers, follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).
42. How to stop pretending everything is OK
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about her lifetime of memories of pretending to be OK so that the people around her wouldn’t have to worry about her. And she talks about how to stop pretending and develop compassion for yourself - so that you can dare to live your own life instead. Link to full transcript of show here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode42). For more information about Kay’s webinars or coaching practice, or to download the free Thought Download Guide or learn more about Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Join Kay's free community to learn about boundaries at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries. For daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers, follow Kay on Instagram.
41. What it looks like to dare to live your own life
40. You can't hurt somebody else's feelings
Have you ever heard, “You can’t hurt somebody else’s feelings” and then did a double-take? Because there’s no way that could possibly be true, right? In this episode, Kay Coughlin explains why it really is true and how this knowledge can help you get free from worrying about hurting another person's feelings. Full transcript available here. Join Kay's free community to learn about boundaries at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Boundaries. To register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, or to download the guide, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
39. How to dare to live your own life
When you’re a caregiver, it can be really hard to remember that you’ve got a life of your own, too. But how do you learn what you really want and figure out a way to dare to live it? Kay Coughlin knows it is possible for anyone to do because she uses a 3-step process in her own life and with her clients. It works, even for caregivers, and that’s what you’ll hear about in this episode. Full transcript available here. To register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, or to download the guide, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
38. Emotional safety - what it is and why you need it
What the heck is emotional safety and why is it so important? In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about it and how she creates it. One amazing benefit you can expect over time is that you will actually be able to practice it in your own everyday life. And that means you’ll be able to do things that are important to you, no matter how difficult they are. Full transcript can be found here. Download "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide or register for next Human Giver Syndrome webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
37. The difference between therapy and coaching
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, this episode is meant to help you understand the difference between therapy and coaching. Kay Coughlin talks about when the difference matters, and when should you ask for help. Full transcript of episode available here. Information about Kay's professional association, the International Coach Federation, is here. Download the "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide here and register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@facilitatoronfire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
36. Why it's so hard to change - your brain can be a real jerk sometimes
Our brains act like jerks about change! But why is that? Listen to this “explainer” episode to help those of us who aren’t neuroscientists understand what’s going on in our heads when we are faced with the idea of changing anything. And why we can get so exhausted when we do confront change. Full transcript of episode available here. Download Kay Coughlin's "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide here. Register for the next Human Giver Syndrome webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@facilitatoronfire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
35. The Human Giver System
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what she calls the “Human Giver System,” which is the system that relies on countless unpaid human caregivers to sacrifice everything for the sake of the system itself. Kay talks about how her family’s wishes during her father’s last days of life went against a hospital’s Human Giver System, and how to notice the toxic glue that holds the System together. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for the next “Human Giver Syndrome” webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram. Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
34. People can change at any age
In this episode, Kay Coughlin explores two truths about change and growth: that it can happen at any age, and that you only have control over the change and growth of one person, and that’s you. You can’t force anybody to change (including your care receiver), but you do have the power within you to change yourself. Even when you are a caregiver. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for next “Human Giver Syndrome” webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Learn about the new research on brain function as we age here.
33. You are allowed to set boundaries
Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro when it comes to boundaries, it’s easy to believe that boundaries are great in every situation...except maybe not when you are a parent or caregiver. Because when the lives of your care receivers are at stake, you’re going to have to meet everybody’s needs no matter what it costs you. Right? Well, not so fast. Listen to this episode to get an overview of boundaries and why they are so hard in family situations. You might be pleasantly surprised to get a perspective that puts parents and caregivers at the center of the issue, rather than treating us as just an afterthought. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for next "Human Giver Syndrome" webinar here. Learn more about Facilitator On Fire at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
32. Why it's so hard to let people help
31. Human Giver Syndrome
Human Giver Syndrome is the belief that some people (the givers) are supposed to exist mainly to put their energy into creating comfort and success for other people, and to be attractive and available, physically and emotionally, at all times while doing it. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how this syndrome can afflict you as a family caregiver (including if you are a parent), whether or not you think of yourself as a people-pleaser. If you are intrigued by what you hear in this episode and you want to learn how to begin to recover from it, register for Kay's next webinar on Human Giver Sydrome here.
Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
Kay's book can be found at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books.
Links mentioned in this episode: Kay's podcast producer is Chris Martin of chrismartinstudios.com. "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle," by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. "Down Girl, The Logic of Mysogyny" by Kate Manne. Full transcript of this episode is available at http://facilitatoronfire.net/episode31/.
Join Kay's free community to talk about boundaries and Human Giver Syndrome here https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/
30. How to Feel Better as a Caregiver
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how to feel better as a family caregiver right away. It might surprise you, because it doesn’t require a lot of time or energy, and it doesn’t rely on making any changes to your life or your situation. You don’t even have to tell anybody that you are doing it. All you need is courage and a little bit of knowledge. It’s not easy to do, but it is a simple step you can take. That’s what this episode is all about. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode30. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FaciliatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of living with the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including registration for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
29. It's OK to want to be seen for who you are
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about another radical idea: that it’s OK for caregivers to have identities and lives that don’t revolve around our role as caregivers. Kay explains that it’s normal and healthy to have individual needs and desires - and why it can be so hard to do that it seems laughable or even impossible. But it is possible to be seen for who we are, even if it’s not related at all to our caregiving responsibilities. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode29. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of being held back by the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including registration for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
28. It's hard to decide where to start
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about why the overwhelming experience of being a caregiver can keep you stuck, unable to make changes to situations, relationships, beliefs and emotions. The good news is that you don’t have to change everything all at once. You can choose just one starting point. Kay reminds us we all have permission to be stuck - it’s a totally normal human condition - and helps caregivers figure out how to pick a starting point. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode28. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of being held back by the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including the date of the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
27. What if judgment had no power over you?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about judgment in the life of a family caregiver. It is very painful to be judged by others, and even to handle the the judgment that comes from within yourself. But it is possible to live a life where judgment doesn’t hold you back any more - yes, even as a caregiver. The full transcript of this episode can be found at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode27. Follow Kay on Instagram for near-daily doses of encouragement for folks who are tired of trying to be a “good” caregiver. If you are looking for Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming the Emotional Grind,” go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. If you are interested in learning more about leadership and life coaching for family caregivers, or if you are looking for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/learnmore.
26. The story family caregivers are "supposed to" step into, even if they feel trapped by it
There are powerful stereotypes that family caregivers inherit when we agree to become caregivers. We don’t realize how strong they are until our lives become something we didn’t ask for. And then we wake up one day and don't recognize ourselves any more. In this episode, Kay Coughlin names some of the biggest caregiving stereotypes that she has identified. Why? Well, she wishes somebody would have given her this language when she was getting started as a caregiver. She could feel the stereotypes all around her and could feel the pressure to perform, but just couldn’t put a name on what was happening. Which meant she didn’t know to question the stereotypes either. Spoiler alert: none of these has to be true, no matter what the people around you say. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode26. The From One Caregiver to Another podcast isn’t about being a better caregiver. Plenty of resources are available for people who want that information. This podcast is about becoming the person you really want to be - a person who also happens to be a caregiver. Contact Kay by email (Kay @ FacilitatorOnFire.net) or find more information about the next webinar on "Human Giver Syndrome" at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. To get almost-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who want to get free of the stereotypes, follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).
Message 25 - You can write your own story. I believe in you.
In this last episode of the season, Kay Coughlin talks about her wish for all caregivers: that we would know and believe that we can write our own story. We don't have to accept the definition of being a "good" caregiver that somebody else chose for us. This season was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who feel trapped by the traditional definition of being a caregiver. If you would prefer to read the messages form this season, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Starting with the next episode, the podcast will be called "From One Caregiver to Another." If you are looking for Kay's book, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
Message 24 - Possibility Mindset: Persistence, Patience and Peace
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it looks like to have a possibility mindset and cultivate persistence, patience and peace. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into thte traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. you can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
Message 23 - Self-care is selfish. What if that's OK?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the idea that it's wrong to be selfish and want self-care. Even caregivers are allowed to believe in having self-care. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" (especially to help you see what beliefs you have about self-care and selfishness), you can find it here.
Message 22 - What if you're not behind?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the conventional idea that we are "behind." What if that's just a thing we say, and what if it's in the way of seeing possibilities? This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
Message 21 - "You can't teach old dogs new tricks." Right? Wrong!
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the harmful myth of believing you - or any human - is too old to learn and grow. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional definition of being a "good" caregivers. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there on or Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" mentioned in this episode, you can find it here.
Message 20 - 15 Things to Say to Encourage Yourself
In this episode, Kay Coughlin gives a list of 15 very short and meaningful things you can say, any time you need encouragement. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can listen to chapter one here and buy the book here.
Message 19 - What if your so-called issues are really just your starting points?
In this eposide, Kay Coughlin takes some of the fear out of having "issues." All humans have them, and what if learning to notice them can be a powerful tool to help you live the life you really want to live? This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find that here.
Listen to Chapter One from "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind"
In this special episode, Kay Coughlin narrates chapter one of her book, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind." Kay has a passion for helping caregivers who want to set boundaries, get some rest, and dare to live their own life, too. You can connect with Kay at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).
If you would like to purchase Kay's book, you can find it here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/books/
If you are looking for the "2020 Caregiving in the U.S." report cited in the chapter, click here.
Message 17 - What if there's more than one right choice?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin goes on a little bit of rant about how believing there's only one right choice teaches us not to see possibilities. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails there any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
Message 16 - How to have hope again
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the truth of where hopelessness comes from, and how to turn it into hope. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book that was mentioned in the episode, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
Message 15 - It's OK to feel whatever you're feeling. Really.
In this episode, Kay Coughlin tells the truth about feelings: they are all OK to have and to feel. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that go beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book that was mentioned in the episode, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind, you can find it here.
Message 14 - Everybody thinks they know what you can and can't do. They are wrong.
In this episode, Kay Coughlin shares the second part of the story about recovering from her car accident. Her doctor tried to tell her that she was going to walk with a limp for the rest of her life, and Kay confused him by answering, "I don't do limitations." This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that go beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
Message 13 - Don't Judge the Size of Your Dreams, Big or Small, They All Matter
Message 12 - Choose What You Feed With Your Energy
Message 11 - "Don't take the help unless you really need it" is an idea that holds us back
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the very common belief that tells us "Don't take the help unless you really need it" and how this belief keeps caregivers from living a fulfilling life. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" for caregivers, you can find it here.
Message 10 - Living a "Balanced" Life is a Myth
Message 9 - Jumping to Conclusions is Our Favorite Exercise, and It's Also Our Favorite Blocker of Possibilities
What's the big deal about jumping to conclusions? In this episode, Kay Coughlin uses a story about a farmer, her son, and their horse, to talk about why our brains like to jump to conclusions, and why that's not really very helpful. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers in January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" for caregivers, you can find it here.
Message 8 - Guilt. Rinse. Repeat? Stop The Cycle!
One of the biggest issues for family caregivers is guilt. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about why you don't have to feel guilty for feeling guilt, and how you get to choose whether or not it controls you and your life. This series of short episodes is audio recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, you can sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. In this episode, Kay refers to her free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," to help you begin to notice what you are thinking WITHOUT judging yourself for it. You can find a link to it here.
Message 7 - Judgment is the Number One Blocker of Possibilities
Message 6 - What to Unlearn So You Can See Possibilities
What are the things you need to unlearn before you can once again see possibilities? And where do you even start? In this episode, Kay Coughlin shares how to begin to notice your "possiblity blockers." This series of short episodes is audio recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, you can sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there.
In this episode, Kay refers to her free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" so help you begin to notice what you are thinking WITHOUT judging yourself for it. You can find a link to the Cheat Sheet here.
Message 5 - Fear is loud, but it's a liar
Fear isn't usually an encouraging emotion, so why are we talking about it in this series? Becuase if you choose to be encouraged and see possibilities, it's highly likely that's going to bring up some fear for you. In this episode, Kay gives you two encouraging thoughts to know about fear, and reassures us that fear is normal. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there.
If you'd like to read Kay's book, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind, you'll find a link on the January Encouragement page.
Message 4 - Need Permission to See Possibilities? You Have It.
It's hard to see possibilities if you haven't given yourself permission to do it! In this message, Kay Coughlin talks about what she calls "possibility blindness" and how you can begin to get through it. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay created for caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there.
If you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety, they don't have to stop you from seeing possibilities; to learn more about that, check out Kay's book, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind.
Message 3 - Super Easy Tip to See Possibilities
It can be hard to remember that you can see possibilities, especially if you are a caregiver. In this message, Kay Coughlin tells you about one very quick way to remind yourself. And this isn't about being a better caregiver - you are already doing a good job with that! This is about YOU and seeing possibilities so you can be who you want to be in every area of your life.
This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay is creating for family caregivers during January, 2021. If you would prefer to read these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there.
Message 2 - When Positivity Feels Too Far Away, Try Seeing Possibilities
The research on positivity and gratitude is real and it works. But what do you do when it feels forced to you? In this message, Kay Coughlin talks about the power of seeing possibilities instead.
This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay is creating for family caregivers during 2021. If you prefer to read these messages, please sign up to receive the emails at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021.
Message One - Resolutions Aren't Encouraging
Welcome to the “January Encouragement for Caregivers” series. Host Kay Coughlin is also a family caregiver, as well as a life coach for family caregivers. You can subscribe receive these messages in email format at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Or browse through all the messages at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021.
January Encouragement for Caregivers - Trailer
Kay is a caregiver too, and a life coach for caregivers, and she has learned that caregivers have a hard time seeing possibilities. There’s a big set of expectations people have, and a lot of assumptions people make, about caregivers. Mostly, these beliefs are that caregivers don’t have a lot of options - but they do have a lot of limitations. This boxes caregivers into living these lukewarm lives that are smaller than they really want.
Kay is here to tell you none of this is true! It's just stuff we've heard all our lives, and it’s not real. We don’t have to believe for a second that caregivers have to buy into the idea that the only choice they have is to live narrow lives, limited to what other people think they “can” and “should” do.
During this series, Kay is going to be leading caregivers to remember what it's like to be encouraged and see possibilities - and how they can have so much more in their lives, no matter what the people around them think!
Recordings will begin airing on January 1. For more information about Kay’s work, or to sign up to receive emails, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.