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Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

By Andy Wilson

A movie podcast about film franchises, their ups and downs, franchises that worked, franchises that failed, franchises that never were.
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Diamonds/Connerys are Forever

Kiss Your Franchise GoodbyeApr 06, 2020

Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Watch along with us on YouTube with the Hard to Find Mormon Movies channel.

And we're sorry.

We also take a tiny break right before the "Line Upon Line" song and hit pause for a few minutes. But we tell you when we restart.

Again, we're really really sorry.

May 29, 202301:55:57
Saturday's Warrior

Saturday's Warrior

It's Brooke's birthday so... we watched Saturday's Warrior? We're sorry. You can hear our entire commentary track, too. But here's the short of it. This is terrible. Pam is all the tropes. The Population Bomb, eco-fascism, and white nationalism. The goddamn patriarchy and its part in this.

But join us next time for a movie with slightly fewer Nazis-- Raiders of the Lost Ark!

May 29, 202336:31
Evil Dead Rise

Evil Dead Rise

It's Evil Dead Rise, which was just in theaters! Weirdly, we end up not talking about it that much, but instead go offf on long tangents about Scream, woodchippers, and then Brooke reveals her special birthday movie choice at the end.

It's a doozy, and Andy would like to announce his retirement from the podcast as he has now gone to live in the woodchipper after this episode's studio note.

May 20, 202301:14:00
Evil Dead (2013)

Evil Dead (2013)

Andy, Melissa and Brooke are OVER this one. How did they make the tree rape WORSE? Diablo Cody? The Final Girl trope. No clever sign off because we're just so done.

Next time it's Evil Dead Rise, which is now available on VOD!

May 09, 202339:44
The Cabin the the Woods

The Cabin the the Woods

A quick Evil Dead Rise review! All about Joss Whedon (and Drew Goddard!) Separating art from artist, but... hoo boy. Fran Kranz as Whedon self-insert. MGM's financial troubles and the delays of the movie. Bad test screenings. Harry Knowles, Butt-Numb-a-Thon, and sex pests helping sex pests. Supermarket Sweep. Everything on the whiteboard. Archetypes. Sigourney Weaver is the GOAT. Not a troll-- Dante's Peak. Alt universe versions of this movie made by other directors.

Back next time with 2013's Evil Dead reboot by Fede Alvarez.

May 04, 202301:32:56
Tucker and Dale vs Evil
Apr 10, 202301:03:25
Army of Darkness
Apr 04, 202301:10:16
Evil Dead II

Evil Dead II

What... what IS this movie? Confusing beginning. Horror vs Horror Comedy. Which do we like better? Sam Raimi's use of women characters.

Next week it's Army of Darkness! Groovy!

Mar 27, 202354:17
The Evil Dead (1983)

The Evil Dead (1983)

New season, new franchise! It's The Evil Dead, Sam Raimi's splatterfest cabin in the woods original! Why did Melissa want to do this franchise? What is everyone's experience with these movies? Content and Trigger warning: discussion of sexual assault and rape. The violence towards women in this movie. The production history of this movie. Raimi family connections! Xena! SeaQuest! Introducing our new award: Best kill/death!

Next week, the remake/sequel: Evil Dead 2 - Dead by Dawn.

Mar 21, 202301:13:24
69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

It's our 69th (nice) and final episode of Season 2!

Oscar predictions and thoughts. Why Brooke didn't and JB did like Top Gun: Maverick. 

JB's Top "a-Ha!" moments! 

JB's best and worst movies -- one of which makes Andy's head explode

Andy's Best Dogs

JB's Best Sports Moment

Brooke ranks the franchises

Brooke's bests and worsts, including ranking all the birthday/special movies

Andy ranked ALL of the movies on Letterboxd:

Melissa's worst and best

Melissa's special awards:

Changed view Best crotch Best buttplug Misuse of a great actor Best Burt Reynolds near-redemption Movies that made me feel like I'm on drugs Should've been bad, but was good Unpopular opinion award The FAILING UP AWARD Best/Worst songs

Preview of Season 3... get ready for Evil Dead!

And just when you thought we were done... a special post-Oscars reaction. Listen to Andy cry! Women Talking! Melissa still won't be watching RRR. 

Mar 14, 202301:16:58
Creed III

Creed III

It's Creed 3 baby! It's NOT spoiler-free! Please don't listen unless you've seen the movie. How we watched this movie: Cinemark vs. Regal vs. Alamo Drafthouse. Mr T's Treat Your Mother Right 

Brooke's take via the power of editing! Again, not spoiler free. This doesn't feel like a "Rocky" movie because it isn't and feels weirdly disconnected. Can non-fans understand this movie out of context of the franchise? Why do we have to fridge another female character to motivate a main character? Amara, tho. EVERYBODY GO TO THERAPY, but especially men. 

We rank the best fights, the best montages, the best movies. The Cocaine Bear Cinematic Universe. 

Check out Yours, Mine and Theirs who are watching Robin Hood movies! A word about ferrets. 

Then Brooke is back to offer her studio notes and rankings, and she gets the last word on THE definitive ranking of the franchise.

Next week our 69th (nice) and final episode of the 2nd season, a retrospective back on all the franchises and movies we've watched. 

Mar 08, 202302:02:59
Creed II

Creed II

Creed vs Drago, and the winner is all of us! Again, we all love this movie. Dinner scenes. Phylicia Rashad, Tessa Thompson, and BRIGITTE!! Dads and babies. Embarrassing Russian lessons with Andy. Weird tangents at the end about running/kinesiology/mental toughness, Nile Rogers, watching movies with Andy and Kitt's parents (these are all separate tangents).

Next week Creed III comes out! We'll have a new episode early the next week after it comes out with no spoilers to give everyone a chance to see it. But we'll also rank our favorite fights, montages, and movies across the series. 

Feb 28, 202301:23:59


It's Creed! Is the best Rocky movie actually Creed? Ryan Coogler. Check out the Patreon for our discussion on Fruitvale Station. Check out Roy on Yours, Mine, and Theirs.

Creed II is next!

Feb 22, 202301:14:59
Grave of the Fireflies
Feb 13, 202301:09:60
Rocky Balboa
Feb 06, 202301:23:47
Rocky V
Feb 02, 202301:28:29
Rocky IV

Rocky IV

It's Rocky IV and Andy doesn't understand Roman numerals. The whole gang is back including Roy Fillmore and he and Andy promise not to talk about the Director's Cut too much. We break that promise over and over. But seriously, watch the theatrical cut. Roy's sexual awakening. Paulie. The sex robot. Drago isn't Soviet enough. "Oh no, it's Brigitte!" We re-enact a 1990 SNL sketch of Sly Stallone and other Hollywood stars giving hockey ideas to Wayne Gretzky. It's propaganda. Disagreement over whether this is a good movie or not.

At about the 2 hour mark, Andy sits down with his former LDS mission companion Jared to talk about searching for Russian copies of Rocky IV in Volgograd in the late 90's. 

Next week: a movie that doesn't exist! Don't watch Rocky V. We'll watch so you don't have to.

Jan 23, 202302:27:26
Rocky III

Rocky III

Our prediction? PAIN as Roy Fillmore from Yours, Mine and Theirs joins us again. This is the template movie for everything else. Adrian is the best. Carl Weathers' shoulders. Andy's rant about why 1982 was the best summer of movies ever. 

Watch Rocky IV for next week-- probably the theatrical cut but if you want to watch the new Director's Cut you can do that too.

Jan 16, 202302:05:17
Rocky II

Rocky II

Roy is back for a rematch talking Rocky II!  The nueroscience of changing from southpaw to righty. Stallone's injury. "You're great!" subtitle. Twitter mail to Creed! Socioeconomics and gender norms of "the man provides." A birdwalk about Mormonism, women having careers, LGBTQ acceptance, etc. Roy is The Best Mormon. The Catholic Church robbed Melissa of her ambidexterity. International Rocky II posters ("Revanche!") and merch. NIGHTHAWKS! Watch Sylvester Stallone on The Muppet Show. 

Pity the Fool with Clubber Lang in Rocky III next week.

Check out the Patreon for too-spicy-for-main chat at:

Jan 09, 202301:44:57
Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

We're launching our Patreon with movies too spicy for the main feed. Hear this two minute preview as Andy and Brooke talk the Rocky-adjacent film The Lords of Flatbush, but we also talk about the history of condoms, the Gilmore Girls, crying fetishes, and Andy's dalliance with screenwriting during the LDS cinema boomlet in the early 2000's.

Jan 07, 202302:28


We're joined by Roy from Yours, Mine and Theirs, where he and Andy also talked about Rocky two years ago! Roy, Brooke and Andy think this is probably the best live action franchise ever. JB disagrees, as there's a lot of clunky character stuff at the beginning: you want to just put on Rocky 3 or 4. It's hard to separate this movie from the later films. It's even harder to separate it from the filming process itself and what it meant culturally. Apollo Creed RULES. The politics of this thing are all over the place. The date scene is super rapey. 

More next week with Rocky II! 

And please subscribe to the Patreon to hear Brooke and Andy talk dirty about Lords of Flatbush.

Jan 01, 202301:53:39
Lady Vengeance

Lady Vengeance

The two old boys are back to talk about Lady Vengeance? (Everyone is back next time for Rocky-- we promise!) It's a Christmas movie? Decision to Leave and Hitchcock. The visuals of this film and use of color. 

A long weird side conversation about the filmography of David Koepp.  

Back next time with Rocky!

Dec 31, 202201:59:29
Dec 13, 202202:14:17
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance

"F*** you, JB!" The panel is upset about this movie. It gave Brooke soul cancer. This episode is extra swear-y and full of even more adult content, so be forewarned. Also of this movie. Depictions of disability in the movie. Are we going to go watch Duets? Nothing is worth that.

Next week is Oldboy!

Dec 06, 202201:57:48
Dirty Rotten Franchise

Dirty Rotten Franchise

It's a Melissa birthday pick with the Michael Caine/Steve Martin two-hander Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. We just need some happiness and joy. Steve Martin's kinesthetic acting. Michael Caine's oily hair... or is it crusty? First impressions from first time watches. This is a remake? And there's been another remake? This could have been a Mick Jagger/David Bowie movie. Don't watch Bedtime Story or The Hustle. The problematic stuff. But overall this movie really holds up!

One of us was naked this whole time.

Next week we start The Vengeance Trilogy, and contrary to what we say on the show, do not watch Oldboy first, watch Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, and DEFINITELY don't watch the Oldboy remake.

Nov 28, 202201:26:26
State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! Andy is here to lay down the Robert's Rules of Order and lay this episode on the table.

The state of the franchise is amazingly strong, with theaters open and basically every major movie coming out in 2023 some sort of sequel, reboot, or adaptation of an existing property. Some of them sound great, some of them sound terrible. 

Also, it's finally happening: we're doing a patreon and starting a multi-year project where we're going to watch every single Hitchcock movie. Yikes. Find us on as we promise all sorts of exclusive embarrassing content.

Our adventuring party rolls for initiative, D&D style, and Melissa, JB, Kitt, Brooke, and Andy nominate our franchises for season 3. We're also adding one fan-chosen franchise next year! Listen to what we chose and enjoy the strange concoction of artsy, musical, and popcorn we have planned. 

Next week we're watching DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS to celebrate Melissa's birthday, and then we're heading into Vengeance Trilogy territory! Get ready!

Nov 23, 202201:24:24
Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4

It's the final Toy Story film! Should we start a Patreon/OnlyFans? Brooke's wine pairing and horoscope reading. Is this the best one somehow? We all feel Forky wanting to throw himself away. Trauma in 3 vs lighter tone in 4. Codependency in the toys. Unpacking Woody being the odd one out and that times have changed. 

Melissa had a hard time deciding between Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil for her birthday movie, but we're going with the 80's comedy classic. But first, we have our 100th episode and 2nd (annual?) State of the Franchise to pick out our Season 3 movies. Indy 5 is the audience vote winner, and there is a tie between Lord of the Rings and Star Wars for 2nd. John Wick is only 1 vote behind. If you want to sway the vote, get in the comments and decide! And maybe we'll do it?

Also don't forget to vote for realsies! (it may be the last election we ever have, so. . .)

Nov 04, 202202:16:39
Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3

The toys are back in town. Not since... has there been such a trilogy! We love this movie, but we spend an hour absolutely savaging it. Spanish Mode Buzz can f*** off, but not if it's exclusively making fun of Spaniards because those colonizers can f*** off even more! Lack of women in the movie is Pixar telling on itself. Gay jokes about Ken are Pixar telling on itself. LOTSA HUGGING BEAR is specifically telling on John Lasseter and the work culture at Pixar/Disney under him. But we really do love this movie! So much trauma. 

Next week it's the return of Bo Peep in Toy Story 4!! Last chance to weigh in on the Facebook poll for our Season 3 franchises!

Oct 25, 202202:09:08
Toy Story 2

Toy Story 2

The Godfather II of animated movies? We’re all just toys in Andy’s toybox. This was Brooke’s first time watching this. Our histories with the movie. The most Andy has ever cried at a movie. The intense pressure and timeline of making this movie. The time it got deleted off Pixar’s servers. Star Wars references! The first 5 minutes vs. Lightyear. Cursed premise. Could use more music. Gender imbalance. Are Bo Peep and Woody involved because she’s the only girl toy or because there’s actually something there? Sideshow Bob. Sadness for Stinky Pete. Should we take our Funko Pops out of the box? Tune in next week for Melissa’s take on Spanish Buzz. An amazing rant about the Great British Bake Off Mexican Week. Box office. Rex as representation of mental illness. Preparing for Pixar tears. Kitt the toy surgeon. Twiggy and Fatso the penguins. Best lines are also the best visual gags. The outtakes! Geri’s Game! Do we or do we not mess with the Fey? Sarah Mclachlan and the peak of sadness, “I Will Remember You”, what if Buble/Goulet sang Sarah Mclachlan songs? 

Oct 17, 202201:40:45
Toy Story

Toy Story

ANDY'S COMING! EVERYONE HIDE! We talk about the first Toy Story movie and why we love this franchise. The long history of Pixar and John Lasseter- watch The Pixar Story on Disney+. Only men made this movie? SHOCKING. The return of Quibi-co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg. Joss Whedon and a pause for reactions. Fan theories about Andy's mom and family situation. 

Next week it's time to cry with Jessie's cowgirl song. Watch Toy Story 2!

Oct 04, 202201:40:08
Turning Red
Sep 29, 202203:22:27


We're going to talk about Bruno. Melissa is joining us from a submarine? (Stay to the end for the bloopers where you can hear the submarine dive). Which family member are we and why is it Luisa? Lots of talk about mental health and family trauma. WE FUCKING HATE THE ALAMO, OK? US foreign policy towards Latin America. Andy's gift is segues back from tangents.

Next week we're finishing Disney Princesses (for now) with Turning Red! Bring your favorites ranked and also your favorite boy band songs!

Sep 15, 202202:31:39
Raya and the Last Dragon

Raya and the Last Dragon

It's a princess movie about. . . COVID? The world is broken but we're here to talk about all the ways Disney tried to do something new and different and groundbreaking here, but also a discussion about how it's a step backwards when we use a fake place like Kumandra instead of real places like Coco and Encanto do. We still really love this movie though.

Content/trigger-warnings: we discuss COVID, death, family problems and injuries, and sexual assault and rape in this episode. 

And stop pitting women against each other!

We also include some bloopers/outtakes at the end of the episode including a side discussion about RRR and why Kitt isn't here this week.

Next week we talk about Bruno! We're watching Encanto!

If you want more ASMR seduction from Andy, please message the podcast but we really don't think any of you are looking for this.

Sep 02, 202201:32:23
Frozen 2
Aug 21, 202202:13:59


Okay, so this our longest episode ever at over 3 hours, and EVERYBODY CRIES. Sorry, not sorry. Special bonus appearance by James Estrada at about the 1:30 mark. Special bonus Mexican box office discussion around 2:15.

THIS EPISODE FEATURES A LOT OF CRYING. Andy doesn’t remember to introduce the podcast. Trawling for sponsors: Magic Spoon, Mucinex, Tacos, or sex toys.

CRYING PART 1: Brooke’s niece Coco who passed away, her family history and her grandmother from Spain. Grief.

The importance of when this movie came out—right in the middle of Trump and terrible things he was saying. The invisibility of Mexican representation in media. This gives us hope. “We Should All Be Feminists”by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A clip from “The Danger of a Single Story” about her “single story” experience of Mexicans (clip begins at 8:25). This is like a giant hug specifically for Mexicans. 

Nailed a bunch of specific things like the humor and even the family interactions. The genesis of “so specific it’s universal.” THE CHANCLA. All the characters are well-rounded, everyone gets to be right, everyone gets to be wrong. Grandma Imelda is amazing. Check out Chavela Vargas singing La Llorona and Paloma Negra. Andy is scared by La Llorona. Is “de la Cruz” as a name indicative of classism/ colonialism? 

Hummingbirds – fuck around and find out! Oaxacan spirit guardians and their depiction—GORGEOUS animation. Frida! Generational trauma. Can we NOT do the militarized border in our fantasy land? Disneyland is the same.

A WILD JAMES ESTRADA APPEARS!!! We have a 1:1 conversation about Coco. We do more crying talking about James’s grandparents. You can find James on Facebook at Nerdy at Home Dad or semaj_adartse on TikTok and Instagram.

BOX OFFICE! MEXICAN BOX OFFICE and Mexican box office records! Studio notes. MORE HUMMINGBIRD TALK. Read: The Most Powerful Aztec God had the Hummingbird as his Spirit Animal. Mexico Lore: Hummingbirds. More about hummingbirds in culture.

Kitt and Andy almost cry talking about their grandfather.

Melissa is going to be on Yours, Mine and Theirs talking about BARFI! Listen to our Barfi episode from last year. And get prepared to watch Citizen Ruth and Maria Full of Grace!

Next week we're back with Frozen II and we're talking about Elsa and her horse (not whores, Brooke). INTO THE UNKNOWN!

Aug 16, 202203:23:12
Everything Everywhere All At Once

Everything Everywhere All At Once

It's Andy's birthday so we're watching his favorite movie of 2022. Special guest James Estrada from Geek Parenting Podcast joins us, and you can check out his Twitch streams here. Why this movie works. Nietzsche. Buddhism. Let's go to the rock universe. Generational trauma. Absurdism. Butt plugs. Hot dog fingers. Randy Neuman as Racacoonie.

Next week we're back at Disney with Coco!

Aug 03, 202202:09:57
Jul 28, 202201:50:30


Disney goes "woke" with the whitest people you know? Or just a story about sisters. The long history of Frozen starting in the 1940s, and including what happens when you put different people in charge of writing and directing, in this case writer/co-director Jennifer Lee. The sister summit. Adele Dazeem. Is Elsa gay? We're 100% on board with killing the parents. Do reindeer antlers female? 

Go vote in the Facebook poll-- Andy eliminated 5 movies from his birthday movie runoff, so go vote harder if you have strong preferences.

Jul 19, 202202:22:26
Jul 13, 202201:37:49


Aka the episode where everyone is sick. Somehow JB spread COVID via the podcast and we're all recovering. But let's talk about Brave! And Brenda Chapman. And John Lasseter. And Haggis. And rules for dealing with the Fey! And bear puns! 

Next week we have a special birthday treat -- Kitt has chosen Labyrinth, which will be lots of fun!

Jul 05, 202201:23:05


It's the story of... Flynn Rider? How is this not Rapunzel's story!?!? We break down why Brooke hates this so much, along with long discussions about emotional abuse and gaslighting. The Philadelphia Story! JB shows up at the end and we go on a tangent about Duets, the Huey Lewis/Gwyneth Paltrow movie. Also crazy merch from this movie, like a trading card game?

Please note that this episode was recorded prior to the Supreme Court decision coming down in Dobbs v Jackson Womens Health Care and so while a lot of this episode does call out patriarchy, we don't address any of that. Abortion is health care, and if you can, please support organizations giving to women of color who will need direct aid getting access to proper treatment.

Jun 27, 202202:14:56


We've been dreaming of a true love's kiss and this movie that tries to have it both ways with princess tropes. It is, however, enchanting, as is Adele Dazeem, who inexplicably doesn't sing in this movie at all (Kitt has some studio notes about that). The movie is still incredibly white and straight, even for 2007. Nominations for Patrick Dempsey's nickname: McBoring? McDiva?  

Next week we cross into 3D cgi animation for the first time with Tangled! Get your frying pan ready for Brooke's hot takes on why she hates it!

Jun 14, 202201:49:03
The Princess and the Frog

The Princess and the Frog

It's The Princess and the Frog and we welcome Sandee Moore back from her previous appearance and Kitt is now back as a regular princess contributor.

Musker and Clements are at it again, and Lotsa Huggin Bear Jon Lasseter is making it even worse. The cult of Oprah? Depictions of vodou in mainstream media. Neil Gaiman. RANDY NEWMAN. Zydeco. 

Andy does the LONGEST studio note ever with a complete rewrite. We're very sorry.

Go to Sandee's Instagram, follow her, like her posts, and send her money to buy one of these Tiana dresses!

Jun 10, 202202:18:12
Demolition Man

Demolition Man

We're back and ready to explain the three seashells with this movie that will totally be your boggle. Enhance your calm as we talk about how this movie went through development hell, had 5 different writers, and almost starred Jackie Chan and Lori Petty. . . Also, Brooke and JB have tips for how to get into the Utah Swingers scene. Can we turn this movie into Intersectional Demolition Woman?

Next week we're back with Disney Princesses and we're talking about The Princess and the Frog.

Jun 02, 202201:37:10
Louise by the Shore
May 25, 202201:47:17
Lilo and Stitch

Lilo and Stitch

On this episode, Ohana means podcast, and that means Andy forgot to include his actual ohana in the recording, so stick around for special time with his sibling Kitt at the end. (Kitt is also going to start joining us as a semi-regular contributor for the rest of the Disney princesses). But we love this movie! Even though some of us had never seen it before. Found family. Is Lilo on the spectrum? The problems of the foster care system. Kids in the Hall. How 9/11 changed the movie. Changing the dryer to a pizza box. Are there no "bad" characters? The marketing of Lilo and Stich. Conversation with Kitt starts about 1:37.

Disney's Ugly Duckling short that makes Andy ugly cry:

Stitch trailers where he ruins other Disney movies:

Next week it's Brooke's birthday so we're watching Louise by the Shore:

May 16, 202202:14:50
Robin Hood
May 09, 202202:37:33


We're back to give a queer take on Mulan and make Ted Cruz, Ron DeSantis and Ben Shapiro cry. Donny Osmond. Who is Jeffrey Katzenberg? The voice cast of this movie. The cricket! Eddie Murphy? More ballsacks? Orientalism still alive in the animation. Boycotts against the movie by the Chinese Communist Party and the American Religious Right. Same as it ever was. 

Next week we're doing Robin Hood!

May 02, 202201:47:30
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

We're back and we're mad about this movie. HELLFIRE! Or are we mad? Maybe just bored. A brief word about the history of the Romani people. We do not use the g-word when referring to them, but we do quote directly from news outlets and the script itself who do. A brief discussion of Andy's history of seeing this movie and making out with people. "The most R-rated G movie you will ever see" -- go read the NYTimes article. Brooke's angry rant. "A Guy Like You" has big incel energy. Sexualization of Esmerelda -> Demi Moore and Striptease -> Andy talking about Channing Tatum and Magic Mike and White House Down. The goat is the GOAT.

Mulan is next! 

If you'd like to be a guest on our show, reach out to us at, find us on Twitter @KissYoFranchise, join the Facebook group, or leave us a message on our homepage.

Apr 25, 202201:43:29


We welcome Ruth Young, who has been to every county in Utah, as we tackle Disney's attempt at a biopic that in no way reflects the actual life of the people they were trying to portray. We say goodbye to Jeffrey Katzenberg, co-founder of Quibi. Ok, fine, we're doing Robin Hood. Kokoum, so hot right now. 

The actual history of Makaota, who was called Pocahontas: and a video version of this

Apr 11, 202202:00:60


Andy really likes this movie but is going to complain about it for 2 1/2 hours. Robin Williams. Jeffrey Katzenberg (co-founder of Quibi) and the ruining of this movie. Howard Ashman's death. The problems with Tim Rice and A Whole New World. Jasmine is doing a 1992 Feminism! (according to Men) The Nipple Report with Brooke Heym. BARFI! 

Aladdin 92 vs Aladdin 2019 box office adjusted for inflation report: 

Twisted the Musical by Starkid:

Anyway, this movie's sexual politics are garbage, its racial politics are garbage, its class politics are garbage. But is it also great?

Mar 22, 202202:26:39
Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast

Kelly Adams rejoins us as we start talking about, what else, that library, tho. Kelly loves this movie. Andy loves this movie. Brooke keeps hearing Melissa's voice in her head, or her head in her... something, we don't know. But if there's a library in it for us, then we'll do pretty much anything. Belle is both amazing and problematic. Who is the antagonist of this movie? A long tangent about Star Trek and Quantum Leap. Brooke wants to talk about Esmerelda, so we're doing Hunchback... in 3 weeks.

Mar 14, 202202:19:57
Lil Mermaid Round 2: Return to the Podcast

Lil Mermaid Round 2: Return to the Podcast

Melissa is back! And Jon and Roy from Yours, Mine and Theirs are here. (NOTE: To understand some of the jokes and repeated references in this episode, Jon ate some cornbread on camera and we talked about Brooke's obsession with Savannah Smiles, a movie about runaway/kidnapping children that was filmed in Utah) They're planning a live event on July 1st and are crazy. The Batman and punching too many people. Roy doesn't care if the adaptation is like the source material. Jon watched the Toei Animation version of The Little Mermaid from the 70's. Should the little mermaid have died at the end? Do we want more dark content for children? We spend 5 minutes being really mushy talking about how we love each other so much. We'll do a Disney Robin Hood episode if we start a Patreon for bonus content.

Join the chaos of the YM&T Facebook group and help us choose movies for Roy and Jon to watch and subscribe to their podcast on your favorite platform or see all of Jon's meticulous show notes on their blog. Then rate it 5 stars.

Mar 07, 202202:15:30
The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid

Listener discretion advised on this one because the conversation goes in some... interesting directions. But we're back! Tonal difference from Hannibal to Disney. Mads-curious. The history of Disney post Sleeping Beauty to now (note: in the episode Andy incorrectly says Sleeping Beauty came out in 1969 when it came out in 1959, putting Little Mermaid at 30, not 20, years later. He has been appropriately disciplined). Jeffrey Katzenberg, co-founder of Quibi. The genius of Howard Ashman and the "I want" song. This is Disney's Goldfinger-- the template movie for all other future successes. Sexuality in The Little Mermaid. Do mermen have penises? Andy's creepy crush on Ariel and Christina Ricci. JB's carwash theory. Ursula is a BOSS. Mencken is amazing. Making this a more explicit trans/queer allegory. Give Ariel another song.

Next week, MORE Little Mermaid, and this time with guests!

See Brooke's TikTok where it paired her with Rapunzel:

Feb 28, 202201:57:04
 The End of Hannibal -- Hannibal Season 3 / Hannibal Rising

The End of Hannibal -- Hannibal Season 3 / Hannibal Rising

Gaelen is back for Act 3 of the show she calls "Mindf@#$ing in Three Acts"-- it's most mindf@#$ery that ever was!!! The censors were totally not paying attention. We talk about Hannibal Rising for 30 seconds and that's all there is to say about that "movie."  We ranks our best Hannibals, Will Grahams, Jack Crawfords, and Frances Dollarhydes. 

Prepare for whiplash-- and next episode we're back to Disney Princesses with The Little Mermaid! (As soon as Andy's done moving) You're gonna love it!

Dec 21, 202102:15:00
Hannibal Season 2

Hannibal Season 2

Happy Thanksgiving! And we have the most seasonally appropriate television show of all time, Hannibal, and its second season. We're joined by Mads superfan Gaelen again (from our Casino Royale episode). And Brooke is making a turkey dinner! The most f@#$ed up season of network television of all time. Mads lies about English fluency. We have our MCU Mads Mikkelson dream casting. The lighting! Lighting on Netflix. Brooke doesn't like the show. We eventually bully her into agreeing it's well done. 

Next time we're back with Season 3!

Nov 27, 202101:54:49


We're taking a break from serial murderers to celebrate Melissa's birthday-- and we're watching Barfi!! It's available on Netflix and is so beautiful. Don't listen to this episode, just go watch it! Then join us in the church of Barfi.

Watch it here:

We love this movie so much! Just trust us.

Nov 16, 202101:17:36
Hannibal Season 1
Nov 14, 202102:11:56
No Time To Die

No Time To Die

Remember when we were a James Bond podcast? Well, here we are! The 25th official Bond movie (and technically the 49th episode of Season 1) and we're all here to talk about it. THERE ARE SPOILERS, and we talk about the ending very early on. We update our previous reviews from a few weeks ago. Rami Malek is still a weak villain. That ending and why the movie (and the series) doesn't work unless it ends that way. We stan Ana De Armas as Paloma. She is the new Sharkey. OF COURSE we talk about where the series goes from here and who the new Bond should be.

Next up, back to Hannibal and the tv show, season 1!!

Nov 03, 202101:50:35
Red Dragon

Red Dragon

It's the final Anthony Hopkins performance as Hannibal Lecter in the remake of Manhunter. Brett Ratner. Milli Vanilli biopic ideas. A wild Melissa appears! Is this movie better than Manhunter? Lesbian porn. Andy is pre-emptively cancelling himself and Mark.  Next week is No Time to Die!

Oct 18, 202101:37:35
Candyman 2021 (and no spoilers quick No Time to Die!)

Candyman 2021 (and no spoilers quick No Time to Die!)

You can tell we were meh about this movie we took forever to talk about it. To hear about Candyman, go directly to minute 20. Before that? Intros. People are slinging fire on this episode. "Spin the Black Circle." Non-spoilery thoughts on No Time to Die range from meh to maybe the best Bond ever. Mark and Andy's excellent adventure seeing it in a theater.  

Finally, Candyman. There are good things to like in here, but it's not exactly put together right. 

Next week. . . Red Dragon? Or Bond? Who knows?!?! IT'S CHAOS!!! (If you listen on Spotify, go vote in the poll!)

Oct 12, 202101:32:46
Free Guy

Free Guy

We take a weird random turn to talk about a movie about franchises versus new, original intellectual property. "Original" but not really? Are we living in a simulation? Movie theater experience. Albuquerque Boiled Turkey. Focus Groups. 

Next up, Candyman? Or maybe back to Bond? When do we get back to Hannibal? IT'S CHAOS. We don't know.

Oct 10, 202101:58:26


It's time for the eponymous episode. Misunderstanding Clarice Starling. The most dude-bro movie yet. Clarice the tv show. Hannibal is a dirty old man. How much worse this movie could've been. Wait until the Hannibal tv show. 

Thanks again to D9 for our music. Subscribe to his YouTube channel for fresh beats every day:

Next week, we return to the Tooth Fairy story with Red Dragon.

Sep 26, 202101:50:20
The Silence of the Lambs
Sep 17, 202101:53:26


We hunted the man, and we found not only director Michael Mann, but also Mark! He's back to talk about why he loves Hannibal and tell us stories of the old days when he saw this movie in the theater and it only cost a nickel! Also Melissa and Brooke have no names in this episode and are only "Female Podcast Host 1 and 2" per Michael Mann's moviemaking directions. We also talk about Ted Lasso and Yellowstone and Dino de Laurentis. You're also going to want to stick around to hear the box office for this movie and the 20 other movies out that week. It will make you understand why this got relegated to "cult" status. Also, that scene with the tiger! And colors that mean things! And weird shootouts at the end! We're going to watch this same story several times, so get ready to compare which is better.

Thanks to D9 for his music! Go subscribe to his YouTube channel for daily beats and livestreams with retro gaming! His song "Sliding" is featured on this week's episode. Go listen to it! It will make you feel feelings! (And the opening theme song for the Hannibal series is "Lotion" by The Greenskeepers because I know everyone is going to ask what that song is.)

Next week prepare for The Silence of the Lambs by checking out Blank Check's episode with Emily Vanderwerff and for even more homework, her article "How do you solve a problematic movie?" on Vox which starts with "I am a trans woman, and I love The Silence of the Lambs. I know, I know, I know. I shouldn’t." And it only gets better from there.

Sep 07, 202101:44:17
Candyman: Farewell to Flesh and Day of the Dead (don't watch these terrible sequels)
Aug 30, 202101:32:43
Candyman (1992)

Candyman (1992)

Say his name five times in a mirror, and the Candyman will murder you. We really enjoyed looking back on this film before the new one comes out. Thanks, Brooke!

Also thanks to Andy's brother Dan, aka D9, for his music! D9 wrote the theme song from Season 1 we used for our James Bond series, and now we're using his beats as the background theme music for this Candyman series and our upcoming Hannibal series. You can check out his music AND DAILY LIVESTREAMS on YouTube at ! Thanks Dan!!!

Aug 26, 202101:53:46
Straight Talk and Joyful Noise

Straight Talk and Joyful Noise

It's a Dolly Double Feature, but sadly these movie are not great. Andy's follow-up feelings on Ted Lasso. Melissa has gigabit internet. And calls JB "the James Woods of the podcast" and now we're fighting. Recasting James Woods? More musical numbers, please. More DOLLY please. "Fix Me, Jesus" is a song about the script.

Next week-- CANDYMAN.

Aug 11, 202101:35:23
Summer Franchise Rundown Delta Variant Edition

Summer Franchise Rundown Delta Variant Edition

Taking a break from Dolly to talk about what's keeping us sane and making us happy (or in a few cases confounded and angry) in all things franchises. We start with one of the biggest franchises of all: Superman. Why Superman and Lois is amazing television. Ted Lasso. Black Widow. MCU fatigue? Theaters? Space Jam. No, seriously, Brooke, this is the actual plot of Space Jam: A New Legacy. Jungle Cruise. What's worth going to theaters for? A few other things here and there. 

Our schedule for the rest of August (fingers crossed):

1 more episode of Dolly Parton: Joyful Noise / Straight Talk
Candyman sequels
Candyman reboot (assuming movie theaters are still open and this isn't delayed)

Now go watch Ted Lasso and have yourselves a good cry!

Aug 03, 202102:14:10
Steel Magnolias

Steel Magnolias

Danielle joins us! You should watch her stream on Twitch at Both Brooke and Danielle have performed Steel Magnolias on stage. The sexual politics of this movie. The racial politics of this movie. The remake/does it need to be remade?

Apologies for any editing issues in this episode. There were some technical glitches, but hopefully this works.

Jul 26, 202101:49:23


RHINESTONE!! Roy and Jon join us from Yours, Mine, and Theirs: they reviewed this with Mark last year. Andy loves that episode because Mark flips tables over the Chuck Norris movie Top Dog. Listen to it here! We apologize that Mark is missing, but he shows up 47 minutes in! We also apologize for noisy children in our backgrounds. We won't say whose house this was, but we can all agree it's an improvement over Andy's fire alarm beeping.

Cobra/Copland. Was that the biopic of composer Aaron Copland? The government is silencing Rhinestone! Drinkenstein.

Script problems, a copy of a copy. Is this movie better without Stallone? 

A long tangent about Field of Dreams and baseball movies. We disagree about The Sandlot.

Also soccer. And Ted Lasso.

We also go on long tangents about: Nicholas Cage/8mm, Ishtar/Elaine May, Citizen Kane, MCU/superhero fatigue, the future of movies and theaters, Rashoman, BEZOS IN SPACE!! We probably talked more about Ishtar than Rhinestone?

Listen and subscribe to Yours, Mine, and Theirs at or join their Facebook group and participate in their polls to choose their next movies!

Jul 11, 202102:06:06
The Best Little *Podcast* in Texas

The Best Little *Podcast* in Texas

Content Warning: LANGUAGE. Steve Rogers would have a real problem with this episode. Folks, we've got a problem. We've got a WHOREHOUSE, right here in Texas! Based on the actual true events around the Chicken Ranch in La Grange, TX, instead we have singing and dancing, Dolly Parton, Burt Reynolds, and naked football player choreography! This episode brought to you by Greg Abbott and Ted Cruz. Not as dirty as we would've thought. PG movies with boobs - AIRPLANE!! (We use the phrase "cum dumpster" once and then repeat it many times by the end of the episode. We're very, very, very sorry) Andy is obsessed with Channing Tatutm. Burt Reynolds vs. Dolly Parton. 

Racism. In the Heights. Next week RHINESTONE.

PS- We are happy to announce that this will be the final episode with beeping in the background. Andy's landlord finally brought over a 30 foot ladder to get up to the smoke detectors on the vaulted ceilings. Those responsible for the beeping have been sacked. BEEP!

Jun 23, 202101:33:09
9 to 5

9 to 5

Dolly and Lily Tomlin ARE Disney Princesses. Why isn't this on Disney Plus? Melissa erased her VHS copy. MAGNETS. We need a copy because we got the Moderna vaccine. Melissa's grandma. Andy forgot TONS of this movie. Possible sequel. Dabney Coleman is peak early 80's dad. Let's talk about Roz. We have a QUESTION for Patricia Resnick. Andy apologizes for his fire alarms.

Jun 14, 202101:41:11
Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty

We're so happy to have Dr. Sarah Hanisko on this episode! You should listen to Geek Parenting Podcast and watch her on Twitch at We have lots of disagreement on this episode over whether we like this movie or not! Everyone agrees Aurora is not the main character (and why that's terrible). Comparisons to Maleficent. Don Bluth. Movies that made us cry so much. 

We owe an apology to Roy and Jon at Yours, Mine and Theirs for not having them on to talk about princesses. Go listen to their podcast instead, especially this episode with 3 of Brooke's favorite movies! Brooke is guesting next week too, and JB for 2 episodes after that! We're really really sorry for not talking princesses, but Roy will be here for Rhinestone. 

Next week we start with Dolly Parton and 9 to 5! Pull out your VCR and watch it!

Jun 01, 202101:48:42
Alice in Wonderland
May 26, 202101:31:37
May 19, 202101:39:35
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
May 13, 202101:35:40
Blade Trinity

Blade Trinity

This movie is hot garbage. Signed, Blade. On a Post-It note. The David Goyer rabbit hole. Who choked who? Racism? He had it comin'! Misogyny and tropes. Andy won't say the one line. Brooke will use that word, but only in romantic situations with Parker Posey. Rumors aside, Wesley Snipes seems to be a pleasant person now. What We Do in the Shadows and Wellington Paranormal. So many studio notes. 

Next week we start Disney Princesses with Snow White. Note: JB does not accept the spelling "Dwarfs."

May 04, 202101:19:23
Blade 2 and Oscars 2021

Blade 2 and Oscars 2021

Oscar talk! Wolfwalkers vs. Soul. Movie gift baskets. Top Pixar movies. Why we love Wolfwalkers. Anti-colonialism. Should we do a Cartoon Saloon Trilogy? (Secret of Kells, Song of the Sea, Wolfwalkers) Colonialism. Rick Santorum. Local Texas elections, police reform. In Memorium fails. Best Actor categories. Netflix pushed the wrong movies. The Academy Awards are an archaic system that perpetuates white supremacy. Oscar always rewarding things to make up for past snubs. 

We finally talk Blade 2 around minute 48. Nyssa is great, but why did she die? Will they/won't they dynamic. Nomak was in a boy band! JB is mistaken about the score. Soundtrack. How JB and Andy saw this movie for the first time. Editing movies in Utah. Vampire language. Donnie Yen. Honey Wagons. Parker Posey next week.

The box office. Studio notes. Why are we scared of old, veiny vampires? Best songs. Appropriate for children?

Apr 28, 202101:46:40
Apr 23, 202101:44:29
The Power of One

The Power of One

Content/Trigger Warning: racism, Apartheid, violence and abuse, especially towards children and animals. We're discussing Daniel Craig's first on-screen role as a Nazi Afrikaaner in the white savior drama The Power of One. This was a tough movie to watch. Unexplored female characters. White saviors. Misuse of Morgan Freeman. Great soundtrack tho. Can studio notes save this movie? Would we show it to children?

Apr 15, 202101:56:05
Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde

It's the penultimate episode of Season 1 as we wrap up Bond by asking, "What if Bond, but Charlize Theron?" Starting with Europe / Peter Schilling. Charlize Theron producing based on a comic book. "It cost $30 million and it looks like a million bucks." -- Andy.  

Is this a female Bond movie? Better than a Bond movie. The male gaze. The soundtrack and what is the theme song?

Next we transition from Bond to Blade with The Power of One.

Apr 08, 202102:17:36


Mark has a bone to pick with Andy and JB for being mean to SPECTRE. But first, Batwoman talk. Long tracking shots. Sam Smith. Should this have been two movies? This movie is so Extra. Blofeld is SUPER Extra. Lots of Hot Priest talk. A startling discovery on The Poseidon Theory that explains one of this film's most egregious flaws. Next week: Atomic Blonde!

Mar 30, 202101:31:26
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

We're distracted by our cameras. Vaccine showdown: Pfizer vs. Moderna! Cannibalism chat!  Armie Hammer is maybe just a psychopath. And a rapist.

The plot. . . was this just boring? Not Guy Ritchie enough. Thin characters. Weak villains. Low stakes. Andy still likes it! Why no sequel. LET CAVILL AND HAMMER MAKE OUT ON SCREEN, DAMMIT.

The chase scenes and 3 different special effects teams

We lost Andy for a minute but he's back. Seeing his "O" face. 

Production hell for this movie. Box Office. Studio Notes. 

Check out Mark on Yours, Mine, and Theirs talking about his movies that made Mark and The Crow Must Go On: movies where the main actor died and had to be replaced.

Mar 26, 202101:28:40


A word about Irish Nachos. We all love Skyfall. Sam Mendes as a director, Auteur Theory. Silva is the best villain. We love Eve Moneypenny. Albert Finney. Shooting for China and the int'l box office. A long discussion about box office and whether going to movie theaters will survive post pandemic. 

Mar 18, 202101:57:44
Dead Man

Dead Man

It’s a special JB birthday episode as we talk about the 1996 Jim Jarmusch black and white western DEAD MAN. No, it’s not a superhero movie. It’s the most non-franchise movie ever. William Blake and poetry. Total sausage fest. Native American representation. Finishing out Season 1 with James Bond and what's happening on Yours, Mine and Theirs with Mark and Andy guesting over the next few months. Next week-- James Bond will return in SKYFALL.

Mar 02, 202101:56:06
The State of the Franchise 2021

The State of the Franchise 2021

It's our first annual look at the year before us and planning on which franchises we want to talk about through the rest of the year. It's going to be a very feminist year, with women-led films and a lot of surprise diversity among actors and. . . even some of them foreign films! TWO foreign trilogies, in fact! We hash it all out and you'll have to listen to what franchises we decide to kiss goodbye next!

Feb 09, 202101:28:26
Good Mark Hunting
Feb 01, 202102:00:47
Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace

Welcome to the first podcast of 2021! JB is here to ruin everything. Delays in the podcast and domestic insurrection. The inauguration. We’re a Chris Gaines podcast now. We’re not mad at the movie, we’re just disappointed. Mark explains how chapters work. Robert Jordan? Return of The Whillice Cut. The writers strike. Corrine the Canadian secret agent. Fights like a drunk guinea pig. Marc Forster. Jack White. Box office. Studio notes. When Vicki from Clubhouse joins the podcast. When Mark drops a pan. Best side character (not Chris Gaines). Poseidon theory. Is this a good or bad Bond movie? Is Bond a good or bad person?

Coming up next episode: Mark’s Birthday choice—Good Will Hunting. After that, The State of the Franchise and how we will choose what we talk about post-James Bond. Then a JB birthday choice, which is not Glengarry Glenn Ross. Then Skyfall. Clubhouse?

Jan 25, 202101:58:30
Casino Royale ... with Cheese
Dec 29, 202002:09:23
Merry Christmas, Moviehouse!

Merry Christmas, Moviehouse!

A special BONUS episode pulled out of the internet time capsule. FOUR YEARS AGO, Dec 21, 2016, Brooke and Andy sat down on another podcast and talked about It's a Wonderful Life, and this was sort of the genesis of some of the ideas we had behind this podcast. It's also just a fun conversation about mental health and the holidays, COMMUNISM, Donald Trump (we had no idea what we were in for), copyright law, and why we love this movie so much. 

We're back to Bond after Christmas, but wanted to give you this in the meantime. Also, Andy just really loves this movie.

Dec 22, 202042:04
Die Another Day

Die Another Day

This movie is terrible. Just awful. Andy, Mark, Brooke and JB break it down. Halle Berry, product placement gone wrong, bad villains, Boba Fett and The Mandalorian, Rosamund Pike, Michael Madsen, Studio notes, the box office, none of the rest of this is the "best" of any category. Madonna. 

Next time, CASINO ROYALE!!

Dec 10, 202001:20:20
Undercover Brother

Undercover Brother

Special guest Dr. Paul White is here to discuss the blaxploitation-spy-sendup starring Eddie Griffin and Christmas Jones herself.  Sorry for the delay on this episode, but hope it was worth it!

Nov 29, 202002:25:55
In Remembrance of Sir Sean Connery

In Remembrance of Sir Sean Connery

We gather to discuss the passing of a legend. We talk about everything, including Connery's statements and history with domestic violence.  Our favorite Connery movies, and yes we talk a lot about Bond. Favorite Connery quotes. A funny story from Michael Bay. You're the man now, dog, everyone.

Nov 04, 202001:38:23
The World is Not Enough

The World is Not Enough

The World is Not Enough. . . it's simply sort of "meh." People are mad at Andy's article on Bleeding Cool about Tom Hardy as James Bond. Check out Brooke's Great F@#$ing Relationships Podcast aka GFR. Happy National Coming Out Day. Mark might start a podcast for his library. Shushing.

Brooke never saw this movie until this week. Andy's first theater experience with the movie. Terrible Russian in this movie. Would you rather watch a bad Bond movie or a mediocre Bond movie. Brooke talks about Existential Kink. 

Next episode is Undercover Brother!

Oct 13, 202001:02:00
Austin Powers

Austin Powers

We cover all three movies! (apologies for some audio issues. We blame Kreplackistani rebels.) Lots of memories of 1997, 1999, and 2002. Secret Jamba Juice recipes. (10 oz cranberry juice, 2 scoops raspberry sherbet, 1 scoop frozen raspberries, 1 scoop frozen strawberries.) Dr. Evil is the main character. Super gay content. 

Next week James Bond returns in The World is Not Enough.

Sep 29, 202001:50:18
Tomorrow Never Dies

Tomorrow Never Dies

Public service announcement: Everyone should vote! Make sure you're registered: go to HowTo.Vote, brought to you by our partners at Democracy Works.

The Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones and Robert Kraft. All hail Michelle Yeoh. Star Trek: Discovery. Section 31. Is this a good Bond movie? Manipulating media. Mark Zuckerberg. Lex Luthor. No backsies on The Batman trailer. Giancarlo Esposito. Sheryl Crow and that theme song. Teri Hatcher. Bringing back the tropes-- first girl, magic penis/deadly penis, girlfriend reward. Melissa's inappropriate laughter? Who are these helicopter pilots? These henchman are low quality. The Rock and his gate. Nightboat!

We address the Tom Hardy rumors. And the prospect of having a female James Bond. Canonicity.

Sep 25, 202002:16:15
The Saint
Sep 14, 202001:34:43
The Simpsons - You Only Move Twice

The Simpsons - You Only Move Twice

Provo 1996 memories. When did we fall out of The Simpsons? 

What is the joke? Did Homer see someone throw a show before? Marge should give it a week. Middle management.

When did we realize Hank Scorpio was a supervillain? When did the Simpsons figure it out?

JB knows exactly what the 1996 Denver Broncos' record was.

(Andy would like to apologize to Bob's Burgers because he makes it sound like there isn't much going on with network primetime animation and should've brought it up. D'oh.)

Next episode is The Saint starring Val Kilmer. 

Sep 07, 202001:44:24
The Rock

The Rock

Welcome to The Rock. Semi jokes. A Bond film but not a Bond film. GoFundMe to get everyone high and watch movies. The Fifth Element and Provo memories.

Michael Bay had promise? He cares about if he has a good time.

Ed Harris, David Morse. Michael Biehn and that shower scene. Brooke is going to Montana. 

Nick Cage didn't want to use cuss words. The episode of Community. Is Nick Cage good or bad? 

Happy 90th birthday to Sean Connery. Best/Worst Connery movies. Ed Harris's filmography.

A special appearance by Jon Madsen from Yours, Mine, and Theirs. 

The Captain Darrow Playlist:

Andy's Weak Ass Contributions:

Rick James - Give It To Me Baby

The Gap Band - You Dropped a Bomb on Me

Prince - When Doves Cry

Dr. Dre - Keep Their Heads Ringin'

Tupac - California Love

Too $hort - Pimpology (technically a JB addition)

(not included on the podcast but added later:)

Busta Rhymes - Woo Hah! Got You All in Check

Rage Against the Machine - Killing in the Name

Danzig - Mother

Henry Rollins - Liar

Tool - 46 & 2

Alice in Chains - Them Bones

Mark's Hard Ass Shit:

Shoop – Salt N’ Peppa

Juicy – Notorious B.I.G.

It Was A Good Day – Ice Cube

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta – Geto Boys

No Diggity – BLACKstreet

Poison – Bell Biv Devoe

Fuck Tha Police – N.W.A.

Straight Outta Compton – N.W.A.

Panic Zone – N.W.A.

Gin and Juice – Snoop Dogg

Brooke's Soft Ass Shit: 

End Of The Road - Boyz II Men 

Master And Servant- Depche Mode 

The Freaks Come Out At Night- Whodini 

Prison Sex- Tool 

Closer - NIN 

Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul 

Beautiful People - Marilyn 

Hooker With A Penis- Tool

Rat In A Cage - Smashing Pumpkins 

Fuck The Police- NWA 

Hurt- NIN 

I Will Always Love You- Whitney

Detachable Penis - King Missle

JB's beats:

The box office and how summer movie blockbusters have changed from 1996 to today.

Side characters. Studio Notes. We forgot the car chase and the cable car driver!! One liners. Gadgets. 

This isn't a Bond podcast anymore, it's just about Provo in the 90's. Next episode is The Simpsons - You Only Move Twice.

Aug 31, 202002:01:55


The amazing Kay-B joins us to tell us we're wrong about Goldeneye and it is not a great Bond movie. We break the gender barrier with more women on the podcast than men, which is appropriate for Judi Dench joining as M. She owns this movie. The Best Marketed Movie of 1995. The N64 video game. In defense of Xenia. The deconstruction of Bond. Andy keeps screeching the podcast to a halt. 

The next 3 episodes we're taking a break from Bond to cover:
The Rock
The Simpsons - "You Only Move Twice"
The Saint

And we'll return with Tomorrow Never Dies after that.

Aug 24, 202001:59:12
The Hunt for Red October

The Hunt for Red October

This is not a Bond movie, but a response to Bond. Because Sean Connery. How we were all exposed to this movie. The BYU Varsity Cinema editing movies. Cleanflicks.  Melissa kept waiting for Denzel to show up. Mark loves Crimson Tide too!  Brooke's fire alarm goes off! I don't know what Sean Connery is speaking, but it's not Russian. 

Next week is back to Bond and Goldeneye! You can watch it on Netflix!


Aug 17, 202002:38:02
License to Kill (nee Licence to Kill)

License to Kill (nee Licence to Kill)

We have converts! Danke Bond. Sex Pyramid. Non-latino actors playing Latino characters. 

Great villains. Benecio Del Toro sighting. Is that the one about the hooker with dystentery?

Beating girlfriends. Fridging women. Sharks! RIP Sharkey. We love Pam. Andy loves Law and Order.

An excellent conversation about representation of Latinos in media.

A less impressive discussion about Eon Productions' "bloodless coup" and why they didn't do another Dalton Bond movie.

The semi and stunts. We need Mythbusters episodes on everything in this movie. Electric eels. Pressure chamber head explosion. Perfect circle holes from shotguns. Bad Spanish throwing in. Cyanide capsules.

Theme songs.

Dalton's hair is the Least Valuable Player. The Bond HR department.

Want more darkness behind MI-6.

This movie had lots of crotch shots. 

Poor Felix. 

We need Doug to come in and authenticate this semi stunt.

Stick around after for the Jon Madsen report. Want to leave your own comment and have it end up on an episode? Leave one for us at

Aug 02, 202002:30:44
The Living Daylights - cool cool cool

The Living Daylights - cool cool cool

Welcome to the cool side of this McDLT, where we have returning champ Melissa, Candice back from her appearance on the Live and Let Die episode, and Doug and Sarah Willoughby from our Moonraker and On Her Majesty's Secret Service episodes.

Mark still hates the movie. Straying from the formula-- old and new Bond don't necessarily mesh. Brad Whitaker is a weak villain. Kara is a weak Bond girl, but is she top 5? Who are the worst? A more nuanced take on her character.

A long discussion on the ferris wheel scene-- trigger warnings for discussions of rape, sexual assault.

Doug's John Rhys Davies story. 

Is this actually the "meh?" side of the podcast? 

Andy is being unfair about loving Lazenby. 

This is an ok James Bond movie. Is Bond a good person? Remember how he founded al Qaeda?

Jul 25, 202002:12:53
The Living Daylights - Hot Hot Hot!

The Living Daylights - Hot Hot Hot!

Welcome back to Jon and JB from Yours, Mine and Theirs as we channel the 1987 McDonald's classic the McDLT and keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool.

Welcome to the hot side. 

We argue about whether this is a good movie or not. Also, is this the first instance of side nipple in Bond? Why Andy likes this-- the darkness and the critique of the military-industrial complex. Brooke likes it too because it sets us up for more serious Bond movies later. But it feels like a made for tv movie. 

Drinking the sand.

Everybody wants to watch Andy's version of this movie, but this is not good. 

Reboots and why Daniel Craig's hard reboot worked. Could Brosnan have fixed this?

Bad side characters, weak villains.

Techno Bond, the theme song.

Andy's dog wants Roger Moore back.

Forgettable credits. Blowing the nipple budget.

The Ferris Wheel is kinda rapey.

Box office

The Poseidon theory. . .?

How tall are the Bonds?

Studio notes!

The cello. . . car skis!

Should we have an R-rated Bond?

Andy sings Bjork for some reason. (It was because of the "ghetto blaster.")

Andy's mind-canon on Roger Moore and Moneypenny.

JB still really hates this movie. 

Leave us a message on Anchor about how you feel about the episode, but it can only be 1 minute long! (PS- You can leave multiple messages)

Special bonus at the end of the episode:
{outtakes} Andy get mad at everyone because they can't stop talking about side-boob long enough to let him start the episode.
And then-- The Roy Report, featuring actually Roy's voice for 1 minute and then a computer reading more.

See you on the cool side!

Jul 23, 202002:39:02
A View to a Kill

A View to a Kill

It's the end of the Roger Moore era with Christopher Walken and Grace Jones as the baddies in. . .  dollar store knock-off Goldfinger. We welcome back returning champ Melissa as well as from Yours, Mine and Theirs Roy, Jon, and JB. There are a lot of jokes and references in this episode to the most recent episode of Yours, Mine and Theirs where Brooke guested, especially their discussion of the lesbian bondage butterfly economy movie Duke of Burgundy, so you should listen to that or if there's something you don't get, just assume that's what it's a reference to.

This movie is a Taco Bell Combo. This was Jon's first Bond. Dynamite and horses on the blimps. James Bond can hold on a rope for hours. Zorin eliminates his own staff. Andy loves Gogol. Dolph Lundgren sighting! Grace Jones and Christopher Walken are the best part of this movie, but let Walken be Walken.  Rethinking the Goldfinger "magic penis" theory.  Skiing/snowboarding opening. Duran Duran. Opening credits. Terrible San Francisco chase scene vs. other iconic San Francisco movies with chases. A lesson about softshell crab. Joe Bob Briggs-- a week early! Box office. Studio notes-- we got a lot of 'em!

Ranking Roger Moore's movies. Come to our Facebook group and vote on your favorite Moore movie!

Jul 15, 202002:06:43
Top Secret!

Top Secret!

It's not James Bond, it's Nick Rivers! (Val Kilmer) Returning champ Melissa is back, as are Jon, Roy, and JB from Yours, Mine and Theirs. Why Top Secret? When is this movie? Great singing! Very specific energy. Kilmer's career. Kilmer is hot but Ze Torch is hotter. That backwards scene and a Star Wars connection. We talk about going to high school in Provo and dedicate the podcast to one of our favorite teachers ever, Rosalie Mackay. (She probably deserves better, but we still love her). This movie is all about high effort for very little comedy Return on Investment (ROI). Our favorite French Resistance fighters. Deja Vu and Chocolate Mousse. Viva Le France!!! Our usual stuff-- box office, studio notes, favorites. Nick Rivers is a good James Bond. 

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Next week, James Bond (and all of this week's guests) will return in A View to a Kill.

Jul 08, 202001:59:33
Never Say Never Again

Never Say Never Again

Sean Connery is back! And he should've stayed gone. Returning champ Melissa joins us again.  This is a terrible movie. Why is this movie? and Kevin McClory's ability to remake Thunderball as many times as he wants.  Melissa had to watch it twice.  We remember this movie from our childhood (and other childhood theater-going experiences).  Bad 80's technology. War Games. Mark wouldn't make it into the CIA because he can't play Domination. The terrible theme song. The Bond template. The most Male Gaze-y of any Bond movie. Sean Connery's nipples. Embracing your age and getting better looking. Rowan Atkinson!  Max Von Sydow double feature with Strange Brew. Either/Either? Fatima's overly complex murders. She's the best part of the movie. They took her motorcycle away and gave it to Bond! Bond's pee. Why would Connery want to come back? Why do we even like the Bond movies if there are so many terrible ones. Brooke and Mark try to beat Andy up again about Invisible Man. Sharks! But isn't this just another mediocre white man skating along on reputation rather than actually being good? Men who secretly  like rape scenes in movies. Bond writes the Harvey Weinstein/Matt Lauer book of sexual assault. Thunderball vs. Never Say Never Again: Who did it better? Next week: Top Secret! 

Jun 29, 202002:11:44


We're joined by Returning Champion Melissa, who used to do a Doctor Who podcast with Mark and Andy! Her Abuelo loved these movies and she has lots of questions about why we would ever like them? We all agree (FINALLY!)-- this one is terrible. When should we cancel movies and creators? Can Melissa have a whip? We talk a LOT about not Octopussy because the movie is bad and makes no sense. Things that are making us happy and other movies, books, and podcasts.

Jun 22, 202001:58:44
Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

Taking a break from James Bond to acknowledge *gestures vaguely* all of this. Our regular crew welcome a team of some of our favorite Black geeks and experts to talk about all of the media from Black creators that have shaped America, have shaped us. Because Black Lives Matter, and Black Culture is American Culture, and so many of the things we love come from Black creatives.

Find Jay Whittaker @ItsJayWhittaker on Twitter and Instagram. Check out Full Feather Friday every week!

Find Kay-B @TheLadyKayB on Twitter and Instagram.

Find Dr. Paul White on Twitter at @Dr_Zil_Roars

Find Sandee Moore on Insta  at s_morebeauty 

We talk movies, tv, and a host of other things we love. How film criticism/promotion reinforces structural racism. What's a franchise you'd resurrect? Shout out to other Black creators we love to follow:

Brian D Johnson: insta: BJ The Dreamer
Dupe Aleru: Insta: dupealeru
Porscha Newton: insta: porscha_newton
VIranda Michelle: insta: virandamichelle
Prince Rafael: insta: tweetfromnext
Karen Rodriguez La Paz: Insta: krod_gold
Tabitha Brown: Insta: iamtabithabrown

Support The Movement For Black Lives by reading their demands and finding more about how to join in their Juneteenth mass mobilization at
Find a local mutual aid society and donate to them or to local groups working to bail activists out of jail.

Jun 14, 202001:47:52
For Your Ears Only

For Your Ears Only

Welcome to our partner for June, the Freaky Geeks Podcast, part of the Geek Nerd Network (GNN). Check them out here or wherever fine podcasts are sold. 

Jon from Yours, Mine, and Theirs is back! Check them out, and Andy, Mark and Brooke should be guesting on there in the next few weeks. 

For Your Eyes Only - it's a mess, but some of us have fond memories associated with it. Sheena Easton! Her performance at the Oscars is incredible. The opening scene with "Blofeld." We hate Bibi. Melina has resting revenge face. Old Man Moore. Watcher in the Woods and bad parenting.  The Most Star Wars Bond movie. More Poseidon evidence.  Flash Gordon + Empire Strikes Back = ? Playboy flower girls. Bond. . . is a good person in this movie? Mountain climbing.

Preview of Yours, Mine and Theirs, and reminder to check out Safe Words Aloud

On Her Majesty's Secret Podcast will return in. . . Octopussy. 

Jun 03, 202001:53:35
The {Blank} {Blank} (Secret Episode!)

The {Blank} {Blank} (Secret Episode!)

It's Brooke's birthday, so we take a break from James Bond to talk about one of her favorite movies ever. Guesses on what that movie is. No one guessed it. Why we love this movie. What's problematic AF about it. Behind the scenes history. Box office. How we would reboot or remake. What are our other favorite rom-coms? Why don't we make them any more? Why are they not more diverse? 

May 26, 202001:35:36
Moonraker (on Cough Syrup)

Moonraker (on Cough Syrup)

Brooke is high on sizzurup and you can tell because she liked Moonraker. We're joined by returning champs Sarah and Doug. Everyone in this movie is two opposite things. Why there are letters on mountains in Utah. Brooke REALLY wants to talk about the theme song, but first, skydiving. "Fly Me To the Moon" would've been great. Birds were DEFINITELY harmed in the making of this movie. But her being mauled by dogs was shot so artfully. Enter the Michael G. Wilson. Bringing a wooden sword to a glass room Bond fight.  So many bits.  Chemistry with Dr. Goodhead. The Jaws/Clown head is nightmare fuel. All Latin American countries and people are the same to this movie. FINALLY we get to space. Worst. Space Battle. EVER. Our next episode is a secret!

May 19, 202001:43:39
The Spy Who Loved Me
May 11, 202001:41:28
The Man With the Golden Gun

The Man With the Golden Gun

Christopher Lee, tho. 20 minutes of us fawning over Christopher Lee and then 20 minutes of us hating on Sheriff Pepper.  The AMC Hornet and the slide whistle. Mitt Romney! The women in this movie are horribly written. Nick Nack, tho! Scaramanga has a point that he and Bond are the same, only he's getting paid. Solar energy myths and facts. Every artist in the early 70's who could do a better theme song than Lulu, and a few that couldn't. 

May 04, 202001:48:58


Zardoz! (Content and Trigger Warning for this episode: sexual assault and discussion of rape and assault). We blame Mark for making us watch this. Rape alarm! No, it's just Facetime. Did we see an edited version of this movie? The BYU Cougar Theatre showed edited movies - Did Andy and Brooke see The Hunt For Red October there? This plot is inexplicable, but we try to explain it anyway. Why do you have a magic ring that can show you anything and still have a bad animation of an erection? Tying sex and violence together is bad. Throwing bread at zombies from a rickshaw is a thing in the future, apparently. Could've solved all of these problems if these three had just boned. Did Connery look younger? Weird parallels to The Man With the Golden Gun. 

May 01, 202001:01:59
Live and Let Die
Apr 20, 202002:15:56
011 - Our Podcast Flint

011 - Our Podcast Flint

Andy and Mark take on Derek Flint (James Coburn) in the Bond-inspired spy movies Our Man Flint and In Like Flint.  More Austin Powers connections.  Derek Flint is a Mary Sue. The Mediocre Seven. A long tangent about westerns, James Mangold, and Wolverine. Derek Flint is very American! Batgirl or Lily Munster? Flint vs. Batman '66. Just two dudes deciding whether something is feminist or not. Day of the Dolphin. Still better than Casino Royale. Mark thinks he could kick Coburn's ass. Respect to bouillabaisse accuracy. Look-- it's Hans Gruber! Why is this positive on Rotten Tomatoes? Next up are Live and Let Die, Zardoz and so on with the Moore movies. Lee J. Cobb is the Angriest of the 12 Angry Men. 

Apr 13, 202055:07
Diamonds/Connerys are Forever

Diamonds/Connerys are Forever

Jon from Yours, Mine and Theirs is back to talk Diamonds are Forever. He also has a new podcast where he reads audiobooks that don’t exist called Safe Words Aloud (Apple link—other links below).  What if Bert Reynolds or Adam West had been Bond? Sean Connery got PAID. Should we watch Zardoz? Go to the Facebook group and vote for it you want it.  Vegas in its 60’s glory. Jimmy Dean. Bambi and Thumper. Howard Hughes. Charles Grey – the best Blofeld? Also the worst and dumbest Blofeld. Overly complicated diamond smuggling plot. Helicopter quota? SLOW car chase. Chris Elliot – Get a Life. Chris Elliot Cinematic Universe. Shirley Bassey and the theme song. Kidd and Wint are definitely gay. Thanks, I hate them! Dune buggy escape. Our best astronaut actors. Did you know Bryan Cranston played Gus Grissom? Jumping the shark. Is Blofeld a good guy? How did we forget Tiffany Case? Bad gadgets. Blofeld in drag. Is this movie braless? Saying goodbye to Connery. Has the franchise never really set up Blofeld properly? 

Yours Mine and Theirs is getting weird with their newest poll on concert movies - go vote.
Youtube playlist of Jon reading latest book.

Apr 06, 202001:52:02
On Her Majesty's Secret Podcast

On Her Majesty's Secret Podcast

George Lazenby - we stan a legend. And we bring in guests Sarah and Doug to talk this movie and cars! The other fellow. Lazenby's history. King of the haymakers. The porn parody. Is Bond Poseidon? No one says no to Diana Rigg. Bond's blonde partner is hopeless. The Int'l House of Allergic Women. Sexism? In a BOND movie? Why does Blofeld care about being a lord? Genealogy - I am doing it! Long skiing sequences. Sarah's guide to surviving a blizzard. Helicopters. A Defense of Little Nelly by Doug. Long bobsled rides. Should Bond cry? Slave contracts. PR tours. 

Mar 31, 202002:30:39
Darby O'Gill and the Little (Mandela Effect) People

Darby O'Gill and the Little (Mandela Effect) People

QUICK! SOMEBODY CHANGED DARBY O'GILL!! Featuring special guest Dr. Debra! Watch her Ted Talk here! Watch Bond on PlutoTV now. But seriously, Brooke remembers this movie totally differently. It was The Gnome Mobile. They're called "The Mary Poppins children." The Parent Trap gives us trust issues. Scary Disney. Audio proof that the Disney+ version of Darby O'Gill and the Little People isn't the same. (Andy had more thoughts on this on Bleeding Cool) Is this feminist? Half a Bechdel. Pretty Irish Girl is a pretty great theme song. Our wishes. Stay safe!

Mar 17, 202001:13:14
Casino Not So Royale
Mar 13, 202001:12:06
You Only Live Twice ... aka Ninjas in Volcanoes
Mar 03, 202001:22:56


Welcoming guests old and new-- Roy, JB and now Jon from Your, Mine and Theirs. Why this podcast is called Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye. Star Wars Prequel Talk! Thunderball! What is a thunderball? Why Jon likes Domino. Largo. Gendered guns, swimming. VARGAS! An uncomfortable discussion about underwater sex. Blofeld. Paula. Fiona. Fiona's bike. Andy tries to defend The Living Daylights. Legal intrigue! Warhead 1999! Thunderball's box office.

Feb 24, 202002:14:17


Andy, Brooke and Mark sing a lot about Goldfinger. Trgger warning for rape and sexual assault. That theme song. A duck? Disposable and replaceable (brown) women. Oddjob's many hats. The return of Wolf Mankeweitz. We love the Masterson sisters. The car. James Bond's magic penis. Now Goldfinger has a hat! He loves GOLD!

Feb 20, 202001:53:04
From Russia With Love

From Russia With Love

With Special Guests Roy Fillmore and JB Flinders from Yours, Mine and Theirs podcast. Mark is back as our Pedro Armendáriz but Brooke is out sick. Why Andy loves Yours, Mine and Theirs. Living Daylights hate. A-ha vs. Duran Duran. HANK SCORPIO. Andy loves The Cold War. And trains. The periscope. Russian lessons. Diagetic soundtracks. The women of From Russia With Love were less strong characters except for Rosa Klebb. Belly dancing and the Superbowl Halftime Show.  The video game! Pedro Armendariz and Robert Shaw. We're just a Jaws podcast now. And Star Wars. And Rocky IV. Side characters make the movie. Films are better when directors and productions are constrained. When will Bond turn off the shower! DJ Fog Machine suitcase. Mary Poppins. Bond: the girl or the mission? Changing views of the "secret agent" type from heroic to "necessary evils."

Feb 11, 202001:52:32
Dr. No

Dr. No

Andy, Brooke, and Mark take on the first Bond movie, Dr. No. But first, vote on what this season of the podcast should be called by joining our Facebook Group:

History of the James Bond film rights from Ian Fleming to Harry Saltzman and Albert Broccoli. No, this story is NOT made up. Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

Dr. No is great. What is with Three Blind Mice? The first 20 minutes are amazing. Take Brooke to Vegas. Felix Leiter is a Backstreet Boy. The spider scene and Attack of the Clones. Orientalism and yellowface. Honey Rider knows lots of things. Sean Connery's process. What is Dr. No's plan again? How Mark would get in trouble at church.

Dr. No? YES!

Feb 05, 202001:42:43
Bond, James Bond

Bond, James Bond

Our pilot episode of "Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye" we discuss the history of the Bond films, our best/worst films, Bonds, theme songs, and others. Join host Andy Wilson, Brooke Heym, and Mark De Leon as we begin a discussion of the Bond franchise and what makes it still resonate seven decades in.

Jan 30, 202001:38:56