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Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

By Andy Wilson

A movie podcast about film franchises, their ups and downs, franchises that worked, franchises that failed, franchises that never were.
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Kiss Your Franchise GoodbyeJul 28, 2022



We're starting our trio of alt-holiday films with the talking pig classic, Babe. Why Brooke chose this movie. 1990s Provo Mormon prohibitions on PG13 movies, so... Babe! We didn't expect the social commentary! CHRISTMAS MEANS CARNAGE! Mrs. Farmer Hoggett is underwritten and the kids are annoying! Are the mice annoying? Be nice to retail workers during the holidays, people! Speaking of being dicks, the controversy between George Miller and credit for this movie. A very gentle film that feels Christmas-y even if it isn't all about Christmas.


Nov 26, 202301:12:35
Bull Durham

Bull Durham

There IS crying in baseball, especially for Rangers fans, and especially with this movie. It's Melissa's birthday movie! And Mark is back! The romanticism of minor league baseball. Welcome to Wrexham.

And finally, our trio of alt holiday movies!

Babe (1995)

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Spirited (2022) -- note: NOT Spirited Away, which we would love to do but is not a holiday movie and Miyazaki is just too much.

Nov 20, 202301:39:10
Scream VI

Scream VI

It's Scream 6 and the end (for now) of the Scream franchise. Brooke has 30 seconds to summarize all of her problems with this movie.

We rank all of the films and Melissa updates us with her Smash or Pass of all the killers.

For her birthday we're talking baseball and Bull Durham! Then a special surprise trilogy! Listen for what it is!

Nov 13, 202301:32:57
Scream V

Scream V

It's a re-quel, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Why this movie totally rules, and fixes/elevates some of the problems from Scream 3 and 4. Jack Quaid. Toxic fandom. Nepo babies. And we end it with a game of "Smash or Pass" with all of our spooky season villains, including all the Scream murderers.

Oct 31, 202301:33:39
Scream 4

Scream 4

Like the scream franchise, we're back from a break and ready to talk this return! Isn't this like what Scream 3 was supposed to be? Why do people hate this movie? Who guessed the ending? Lack of progress on racial representation. 2010s and race in Hollywood.

Melissa announces her birthday movie for after Scream 3-- and Go Rangers!

Oct 23, 202301:22:15
Scream 3

Scream 3

It's Scream 3, it's October, welcome to official spooky season! (Also, Go Rangers!) Wes Craven's use of rape, specifically children who are a product of rape being evil. Carrie Fisher! Andy can't remember Clive Barker's Lord of Illusions and starts everyone doing Adam Sandler impressions. Randy sighting! Stab-a-thon! Secret siblings? Dumb trope. Announcing our guided meditation and scream therapy. Circle Stab! Hollywood Stabs-- circle gets the stab! Stab Your Luck! (the biggest giggle fit in the history of the podcast) Scream's influence on mainstream horror. Some self reflection on if violent movies have affected us... nope, it was Dungeons and Dragons all along! Dropout.TV, GameChanger, and Brennan Lee Mulligan. The Dom DM clip we reference:

Box office, Studio Notes - Murder Throuple Stab Whammy, Best Deaths, Best Song -- Andy wants Creed to get stabbed. The Creed What If music video where Ghostface is murdering them.

We don't really want anyone to get stabbed. Anyway, go Rangers! Scream 4 next!

Oct 03, 202301:36:11
Scream 2

Scream 2

It's Scream 2 and Andy, Brooke and Melissa are... talking baseball? Also sequels. And how this is the most stacked supporting cast in the history of sequels... except maybe Sharknado 2. Treatment of Black characters in this movie and franchise. Are there any sequels better than the original?

Next week Scream 3-- go Rangers!

Sep 25, 202301:20:43


New series! Why this is the most Xennial movie ever. Intergenerational trauma and absent parents, absent adults. Kevin Williamson, Wes Craven, and more horrible tales of how awful the Weinstiens were. Drew Barrymore and that opening scene. The first "meta" film. Queer coding. Goddamn patriarchy. Rated NC-17 for "viscera." Box office and an insane slate of movies playing in its opening weekend.

Sep 20, 202301:55:48
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

We say goodbye to Indy with a few tears but lots of analysis, and tangents about dating and patriarchy and legacy like you wouldn't believe! We also rank the Indy films and you won't believe how much we agree and disagree!

Next up we're doing Scream! So pop your popcorn and let's talk about our favorite scary movies!

Sep 11, 202301:41:27
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Aug 29, 202301:58:42
Aug 18, 202302:16:40
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Aug 08, 202301:36:32
Indiana Jones and the Daddy Issues, er, Last Crusade
Jul 31, 202301:49:28
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indy's back (and so are we!) and most of the crew is back together fresh off our Barbenheimer viewings. History with this movie. PG-13. The sexism and Willie. The racism. But also? This movie has some great stuff-- the mine cart, Short Round, and more. A tangent about Sound of Freedom and Operation Underground Railroad.

Next time back with Last Crusade!

Jul 25, 202301:40:31
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Don't look Marion! It's Raiders of the Lost Ark, and we have Joe from Tales from the Comic Shop with us. Indy/Star Wars merch nostalgia minute. Melissa is extra salty this week-- we talk briefly about the Texas Rangers. Is this a James Bond movie? Andy breaks out his weirdo George Lucas impression. The elephant in the room re Indy and Marion. George Lucas wanted her to be 11? Great, so he's a sexual predator tomb raider. But also this movie rules. Maybe artifacts like these should remain buried. NAZIS. John Williams score. Studio notes. A side conversation about film, practical effects vs cgi, Alien, and why movies from this era are so special.

Next week we get even more problematic with Temple of Doom!

Jun 05, 202301:43:47
Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Watch along with us on YouTube with the Hard to Find Mormon Movies channel.

And we're sorry.

We also take a tiny break right before the "Line Upon Line" song and hit pause for a few minutes. But we tell you when we restart.

Again, we're really really sorry.

May 29, 202301:55:57
Saturday's Warrior

Saturday's Warrior

It's Brooke's birthday so... we watched Saturday's Warrior? We're sorry. You can hear our entire commentary track, too. But here's the short of it. This is terrible. Pam is all the tropes. The Population Bomb, eco-fascism, and white nationalism. The goddamn patriarchy and its part in this.

But join us next time for a movie with slightly fewer Nazis-- Raiders of the Lost Ark!

May 29, 202336:31
Evil Dead Rise

Evil Dead Rise

It's Evil Dead Rise, which was just in theaters! Weirdly, we end up not talking about it that much, but instead go offf on long tangents about Scream, woodchippers, and then Brooke reveals her special birthday movie choice at the end.

It's a doozy, and Andy would like to announce his retirement from the podcast as he has now gone to live in the woodchipper after this episode's studio note.

May 20, 202301:14:00
Evil Dead (2013)

Evil Dead (2013)

Andy, Melissa and Brooke are OVER this one. How did they make the tree rape WORSE? Diablo Cody? The Final Girl trope. No clever sign off because we're just so done.

Next time it's Evil Dead Rise, which is now available on VOD!

May 09, 202339:44
The Cabin the the Woods

The Cabin the the Woods

A quick Evil Dead Rise review! All about Joss Whedon (and Drew Goddard!) Separating art from artist, but... hoo boy. Fran Kranz as Whedon self-insert. MGM's financial troubles and the delays of the movie. Bad test screenings. Harry Knowles, Butt-Numb-a-Thon, and sex pests helping sex pests. Supermarket Sweep. Everything on the whiteboard. Archetypes. Sigourney Weaver is the GOAT. Not a troll-- Dante's Peak. Alt universe versions of this movie made by other directors.

Back next time with 2013's Evil Dead reboot by Fede Alvarez.

May 04, 202301:32:56
Tucker and Dale vs Evil
Apr 10, 202301:03:25
Army of Darkness
Apr 04, 202301:10:16
Evil Dead II

Evil Dead II

What... what IS this movie? Confusing beginning. Horror vs Horror Comedy. Which do we like better? Sam Raimi's use of women characters.

Next week it's Army of Darkness! Groovy!

Mar 27, 202354:17
The Evil Dead (1983)

The Evil Dead (1983)

New season, new franchise! It's The Evil Dead, Sam Raimi's splatterfest cabin in the woods original! Why did Melissa want to do this franchise? What is everyone's experience with these movies? Content and Trigger warning: discussion of sexual assault and rape. The violence towards women in this movie. The production history of this movie. Raimi family connections! Xena! SeaQuest! Introducing our new award: Best kill/death!

Next week, the remake/sequel: Evil Dead 2 - Dead by Dawn.

Mar 21, 202301:13:24
69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

It's our 69th (nice) and final episode of Season 2!

Oscar predictions and thoughts. Why Brooke didn't and JB did like Top Gun: Maverick. 

JB's Top "a-Ha!" moments! 

JB's best and worst movies -- one of which makes Andy's head explode

Andy's Best Dogs

JB's Best Sports Moment

Brooke ranks the franchises

Brooke's bests and worsts, including ranking all the birthday/special movies

Andy ranked ALL of the movies on Letterboxd:

Melissa's worst and best

Melissa's special awards:

  • Changed view
  • Best crotch
  • Best buttplug
  • Misuse of a great actor
  • Best Burt Reynolds near-redemption
  • Movies that made me feel like I'm on drugs
  • Should've been bad, but was good
  • Unpopular opinion award
  • Best/Worst songs

Preview of Season 3... get ready for Evil Dead!

And just when you thought we were done... a special post-Oscars reaction. Listen to Andy cry! Women Talking! Melissa still won't be watching RRR. 

Mar 14, 202301:16:58
Creed III

Creed III

It's Creed 3 baby! It's NOT spoiler-free! Please don't listen unless you've seen the movie. How we watched this movie: Cinemark vs. Regal vs. Alamo Drafthouse. Mr T's Treat Your Mother Right 

Brooke's take via the power of editing! Again, not spoiler free. This doesn't feel like a "Rocky" movie because it isn't and feels weirdly disconnected. Can non-fans understand this movie out of context of the franchise? Why do we have to fridge another female character to motivate a main character? Amara, tho. EVERYBODY GO TO THERAPY, but especially men. 

We rank the best fights, the best montages, the best movies. The Cocaine Bear Cinematic Universe. 

Check out Yours, Mine and Theirs who are watching Robin Hood movies! A word about ferrets. 

Then Brooke is back to offer her studio notes and rankings, and she gets the last word on THE definitive ranking of the franchise.

Next week our 69th (nice) and final episode of the 2nd season, a retrospective back on all the franchises and movies we've watched. 

Mar 08, 202302:02:59
Creed II

Creed II

Creed vs Drago, and the winner is all of us! Again, we all love this movie. Dinner scenes. Phylicia Rashad, Tessa Thompson, and BRIGITTE!! Dads and babies. Embarrassing Russian lessons with Andy. Weird tangents at the end about running/kinesiology/mental toughness, Nile Rogers, watching movies with Andy and Kitt's parents (these are all separate tangents).

Next week Creed III comes out! We'll have a new episode early the next week after it comes out with no spoilers to give everyone a chance to see it. But we'll also rank our favorite fights, montages, and movies across the series. 

Feb 28, 202301:23:59


It's Creed! Is the best Rocky movie actually Creed? Ryan Coogler. Check out the Patreon for our discussion on Fruitvale Station. Check out Roy on Yours, Mine, and Theirs.

Creed II is next!

Feb 22, 202301:14:59
Grave of the Fireflies
Feb 13, 202301:09:60
Rocky Balboa
Feb 06, 202301:23:47
Rocky V
Feb 02, 202301:28:29
Rocky IV

Rocky IV

It's Rocky IV and Andy doesn't understand Roman numerals. The whole gang is back including Roy Fillmore and he and Andy promise not to talk about the Director's Cut too much. We break that promise over and over. But seriously, watch the theatrical cut. Roy's sexual awakening. Paulie. The sex robot. Drago isn't Soviet enough. "Oh no, it's Brigitte!" We re-enact a 1990 SNL sketch of Sly Stallone and other Hollywood stars giving hockey ideas to Wayne Gretzky. It's propaganda. Disagreement over whether this is a good movie or not.

At about the 2 hour mark, Andy sits down with his former LDS mission companion Jared to talk about searching for Russian copies of Rocky IV in Volgograd in the late 90's. 

Next week: a movie that doesn't exist! Don't watch Rocky V. We'll watch so you don't have to.

Jan 23, 202302:27:26
Rocky III

Rocky III

Our prediction? PAIN as Roy Fillmore from Yours, Mine and Theirs joins us again. This is the template movie for everything else. Adrian is the best. Carl Weathers' shoulders. Andy's rant about why 1982 was the best summer of movies ever. 

Watch Rocky IV for next week-- probably the theatrical cut but if you want to watch the new Director's Cut you can do that too.

Jan 16, 202302:05:17
Rocky II

Rocky II

Roy is back for a rematch talking Rocky II!  The nueroscience of changing from southpaw to righty. Stallone's injury. "You're great!" subtitle. Twitter mail to Creed! Socioeconomics and gender norms of "the man provides." A birdwalk about Mormonism, women having careers, LGBTQ acceptance, etc. Roy is The Best Mormon. The Catholic Church robbed Melissa of her ambidexterity. International Rocky II posters ("Revanche!") and merch. NIGHTHAWKS! Watch Sylvester Stallone on The Muppet Show. 

Pity the Fool with Clubber Lang in Rocky III next week.

Check out the Patreon for too-spicy-for-main chat at:

Jan 09, 202301:44:57
Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

We're launching our Patreon with movies too spicy for the main feed. Hear this two minute preview as Andy and Brooke talk the Rocky-adjacent film The Lords of Flatbush, but we also talk about the history of condoms, the Gilmore Girls, crying fetishes, and Andy's dalliance with screenwriting during the LDS cinema boomlet in the early 2000's.

Jan 07, 202302:28


We're joined by Roy from Yours, Mine and Theirs, where he and Andy also talked about Rocky two years ago! Roy, Brooke and Andy think this is probably the best live action franchise ever. JB disagrees, as there's a lot of clunky character stuff at the beginning: you want to just put on Rocky 3 or 4. It's hard to separate this movie from the later films. It's even harder to separate it from the filming process itself and what it meant culturally. Apollo Creed RULES. The politics of this thing are all over the place. The date scene is super rapey. 

More next week with Rocky II! 

And please subscribe to the Patreon to hear Brooke and Andy talk dirty about Lords of Flatbush.

Jan 01, 202301:53:39
Lady Vengeance

Lady Vengeance

The two old boys are back to talk about Lady Vengeance? (Everyone is back next time for Rocky-- we promise!) It's a Christmas movie? Decision to Leave and Hitchcock. The visuals of this film and use of color. 

A long weird side conversation about the filmography of David Koepp.  

Back next time with Rocky!

Dec 31, 202201:59:29
Dirty Rotten Franchise

Dirty Rotten Franchise

It's a Melissa birthday pick with the Michael Caine/Steve Martin two-hander Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. We just need some happiness and joy. Steve Martin's kinesthetic acting. Michael Caine's oily hair... or is it crusty? First impressions from first time watches. This is a remake? And there's been another remake? This could have been a Mick Jagger/David Bowie movie. Don't watch Bedtime Story or The Hustle. The problematic stuff. But overall this movie really holds up!

One of us was naked this whole time.

Next week we start The Vengeance Trilogy, and contrary to what we say on the show, do not watch Oldboy first, watch Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, and DEFINITELY don't watch the Oldboy remake.

Nov 28, 202201:26:26
State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! Andy is here to lay down the Robert's Rules of Order and lay this episode on the table.

The state of the franchise is amazingly strong, with theaters open and basically every major movie coming out in 2023 some sort of sequel, reboot, or adaptation of an existing property. Some of them sound great, some of them sound terrible. 

Also, it's finally happening: we're doing a patreon and starting a multi-year project where we're going to watch every single Hitchcock movie. Yikes. Find us on as we promise all sorts of exclusive embarrassing content.

Our adventuring party rolls for initiative, D&D style, and Melissa, JB, Kitt, Brooke, and Andy nominate our franchises for season 3. We're also adding one fan-chosen franchise next year! Listen to what we chose and enjoy the strange concoction of artsy, musical, and popcorn we have planned. 

Next week we're watching DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS to celebrate Melissa's birthday, and then we're heading into Vengeance Trilogy territory! Get ready!

Nov 23, 202201:24:24
Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4

It's the final Toy Story film! Should we start a Patreon/OnlyFans? Brooke's wine pairing and horoscope reading. Is this the best one somehow? We all feel Forky wanting to throw himself away. Trauma in 3 vs lighter tone in 4. Codependency in the toys. Unpacking Woody being the odd one out and that times have changed. 

Melissa had a hard time deciding between Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil for her birthday movie, but we're going with the 80's comedy classic. But first, we have our 100th episode and 2nd (annual?) State of the Franchise to pick out our Season 3 movies. Indy 5 is the audience vote winner, and there is a tie between Lord of the Rings and Star Wars for 2nd. John Wick is only 1 vote behind. If you want to sway the vote, get in the comments and decide! And maybe we'll do it?

Also don't forget to vote for realsies! (it may be the last election we ever have, so. . .)

Nov 04, 202202:16:39
Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3

The toys are back in town. Not since... has there been such a trilogy! We love this movie, but we spend an hour absolutely savaging it. Spanish Mode Buzz can f*** off, but not if it's exclusively making fun of Spaniards because those colonizers can f*** off even more! Lack of women in the movie is Pixar telling on itself. Gay jokes about Ken are Pixar telling on itself. LOTSA HUGGING BEAR is specifically telling on John Lasseter and the work culture at Pixar/Disney under him. But we really do love this movie! So much trauma. 

Next week it's the return of Bo Peep in Toy Story 4!! Last chance to weigh in on the Facebook poll for our Season 3 franchises!

Oct 25, 202202:09:08
Toy Story 2

Toy Story 2

The Godfather II of animated movies? We’re all just toys in Andy’s toybox. This was Brooke’s first time watching this. Our histories with the movie. The most Andy has ever cried at a movie. The intense pressure and timeline of making this movie. The time it got deleted off Pixar’s servers. Star Wars references! The first 5 minutes vs. Lightyear. Cursed premise. Could use more music. Gender imbalance. Are Bo Peep and Woody involved because she’s the only girl toy or because there’s actually something there? Sideshow Bob. Sadness for Stinky Pete. Should we take our Funko Pops out of the box? Tune in next week for Melissa’s take on Spanish Buzz. An amazing rant about the Great British Bake Off Mexican Week. Box office. Rex as representation of mental illness. Preparing for Pixar tears. Kitt the toy surgeon. Twiggy and Fatso the penguins. Best lines are also the best visual gags. The outtakes! Geri’s Game! Do we or do we not mess with the Fey? Sarah Mclachlan and the peak of sadness, “I Will Remember You”, what if Buble/Goulet sang Sarah Mclachlan songs? 

Oct 17, 202201:40:45
Toy Story

Toy Story

ANDY'S COMING! EVERYONE HIDE! We talk about the first Toy Story movie and why we love this franchise. The long history of Pixar and John Lasseter- watch The Pixar Story on Disney+. Only men made this movie? SHOCKING. The return of Quibi-co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg. Joss Whedon and a pause for reactions. Fan theories about Andy's mom and family situation. 

Next week it's time to cry with Jessie's cowgirl song. Watch Toy Story 2!

Oct 04, 202201:40:08
Turning Red
Sep 29, 202203:22:27


We're going to talk about Bruno. Melissa is joining us from a submarine? (Stay to the end for the bloopers where you can hear the submarine dive). Which family member are we and why is it Luisa? Lots of talk about mental health and family trauma. WE FUCKING HATE THE ALAMO, OK? US foreign policy towards Latin America. Andy's gift is segues back from tangents.

Next week we're finishing Disney Princesses (for now) with Turning Red! Bring your favorites ranked and also your favorite boy band songs!

Sep 15, 202202:31:39
Raya and the Last Dragon

Raya and the Last Dragon

It's a princess movie about. . . COVID? The world is broken but we're here to talk about all the ways Disney tried to do something new and different and groundbreaking here, but also a discussion about how it's a step backwards when we use a fake place like Kumandra instead of real places like Coco and Encanto do. We still really love this movie though.

Content/trigger-warnings: we discuss COVID, death, family problems and injuries, and sexual assault and rape in this episode. 

And stop pitting women against each other!

We also include some bloopers/outtakes at the end of the episode including a side discussion about RRR and why Kitt isn't here this week.

Next week we talk about Bruno! We're watching Encanto!

If you want more ASMR seduction from Andy, please message the podcast but we really don't think any of you are looking for this.

Sep 02, 202201:32:23
Frozen 2
Aug 21, 202202:13:59


Okay, so this our longest episode ever at over 3 hours, and EVERYBODY CRIES. Sorry, not sorry. Special bonus appearance by James Estrada at about the 1:30 mark. Special bonus Mexican box office discussion around 2:15.

THIS EPISODE FEATURES A LOT OF CRYING. Andy doesn’t remember to introduce the podcast. Trawling for sponsors: Magic Spoon, Mucinex, Tacos, or sex toys.

CRYING PART 1: Brooke’s niece Coco who passed away, her family history and her grandmother from Spain. Grief.

The importance of when this movie came out—right in the middle of Trump and terrible things he was saying. The invisibility of Mexican representation in media. This gives us hope. “We Should All Be Feminists”by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A clip from “The Danger of a Single Story” about her “single story” experience of Mexicans (clip begins at 8:25). This is like a giant hug specifically for Mexicans. 

Nailed a bunch of specific things like the humor and even the family interactions. The genesis of “so specific it’s universal.” THE CHANCLA. All the characters are well-rounded, everyone gets to be right, everyone gets to be wrong. Grandma Imelda is amazing. Check out Chavela Vargas singing La Llorona and Paloma Negra. Andy is scared by La Llorona. Is “de la Cruz” as a name indicative of classism/ colonialism? 

Hummingbirds – fuck around and find out! Oaxacan spirit guardians and their depiction—GORGEOUS animation. Frida! Generational trauma. Can we NOT do the militarized border in our fantasy land? Disneyland is the same.

A WILD JAMES ESTRADA APPEARS!!! We have a 1:1 conversation about Coco. We do more crying talking about James’s grandparents. You can find James on Facebook at Nerdy at Home Dad or semaj_adartse on TikTok and Instagram.

BOX OFFICE! MEXICAN BOX OFFICE and Mexican box office records! Studio notes. MORE HUMMINGBIRD TALK. Read: The Most Powerful Aztec God had the Hummingbird as his Spirit Animal. Mexico Lore: Hummingbirds. More about hummingbirds in culture.

Kitt and Andy almost cry talking about their grandfather.

Melissa is going to be on Yours, Mine and Theirs talking about BARFI! Listen to our Barfi episode from last year. And get prepared to watch Citizen Ruth and Maria Full of Grace!

Next week we're back with Frozen II and we're talking about Elsa and her horse (not whores, Brooke). INTO THE UNKNOWN!

Aug 16, 202203:23:12
Everything Everywhere All At Once

Everything Everywhere All At Once

It's Andy's birthday so we're watching his favorite movie of 2022. Special guest James Estrada from Geek Parenting Podcast joins us, and you can check out his Twitch streams here. Why this movie works. Nietzsche. Buddhism. Let's go to the rock universe. Generational trauma. Absurdism. Butt plugs. Hot dog fingers. Randy Neuman as Racacoonie.

Next week we're back at Disney with Coco!

Aug 03, 202202:09:57
Jul 28, 202201:50:30