Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce Differently

Today we are joined by Dr. Lena Robertson, a Naturopathic Doctor. Dr. Robertson specializes in helping women age well, balancing hormones, and thriving through menopause. She talks about her experience as a child of divorce and then going through a divorce herself. Dr. Robertson gives some great tips on managing metabolism and hormones as you age. She also discusses the effects of stress on the body, which we know can be a big one during divorce, and some tips on managing stress. Tune in today to learn more about aging well!  

In this episode:

[2:10] Dr. Lena Robertson provides her experience as a child of divorce. [5:48] What was Dr. Robertson’s experience going through a divorce herself?

[6:42] When did Dr. Robertson go to medical school and why did she make that career choice? [11:00] What is Dr. Robertson’s current business? [15:47] How to manage metabolism and hormones as you age. [20:13] What can you do to help your hormones stay more balanced? [23:12] Tips on how to get more sleep/what affects your sleep.

Key Takeaways: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During this week's episode, Jacklyn Rome, the CEO and creator of the Onward App shares the benefits of her incredible app. Onward allows co-parents to track finances and split the expenses as they see fit. Finances are often a sticky subject causing conflict to many co-parents, so download the app today and get 3 months free to see how it can help you. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

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Today we are joined by CEO and Founder of the Onward App, Jacklyn Rome. Jacklyn talks with us about the fantastic app that she has created and her vision behind it. She dives into the details that the app provides and how co-parents can use it to keep the financial stress away. With money and expenses being one of the biggest causes of disagreements in co-parenting situations her app can be a life saver when it comes to keeping the peace. Tune in today to learn more about Onward and the benefits for your co-parenting relationship. 

In this episode:

[1:35] What made Jacklyn want to start the Onward App? [3:18] How does Onward work? [5:43] What made Jacklyn stick with just the finances on the Onward App? [9:03] How would a shared debit card work as a future Onward App option? [11:55] What else is unique about Onward? [16:09] A piece of advice for co-parents.

Key Takeaways: 

Money and expenses are often a cause of stressful conversations. Onward eliminates the stress by allowing both parents to see what money is being spent, how it is spent, and even to put some limits around spending. There are a lot of apps available for calendaring and agreements, but finances seem to be lacking on those apps. Onward specializes on their focus of expenses and transparency. 

Quotes: 

If divorced parents can get along, it just does amazing things for their children. So I support anything thats going to help ease that and any little tips.” - Lesa Koski

Today most child support payments only cover 3 categories of food, shelter and clothing. And per the USDA thats 53% of the cost of raising a child. So everything else, the medical bills, extra curricular activities, math tutoring, summer cap etc. usually fall outside of that and people will agree on a child support payment while in the divorce process but then one they get divorced theres all these expenses that continue to pile up, very often the person whos the provider of funds doesnt understand why their being charged additional money for their kids.” - Jacklyn Rome

A lot of the companies I've seen out there in the divorce space create content that's very negative. And backwards looking like mostly focused around villainizing an ex or kind of bringing you back into the past. And the reason actually we're called Onward is really around bringing people into the future and getting them excited about that next stage of life as a co-parent. So we, you'll see a lot of content even integrated into our app around having the most effective co-parenting relationship and how to move on with your life.” - Jacklyn Rome

Guest Bio: 

Jacklyn is the CEO and Founder of Onward, an app that helps divorced and separated parents to track and manage shared expenses for their children more easily. Prior to starting Onward, Jacklyn worked on new product launches at Uber and Blue Apron and spent time in venture capital and entrepreneurial consulting. She's passionate about making a difference in people's lives and building new and innovative products.

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Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Ellen Bruno wanted our listeners to remember to choose joy and love regardless of their situation. Don't choose anger or resentment. Allow your kids to witness the loving history that once existed. Allow there to be love, which is deeply nourishing for your children to know they came from love. Also, it’s never too late to start showing your kids what a loving relationship looks like. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

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Documentary filmmaker, Ellen Bruno, joins us for today’s episode. Ellen focuses on ways that divorce impacts children and has produced two films, Split and SplitUp. Both films follow 12 children who were raised through a divorce and what the long-term effects were on their lives. She talks with us about what she wishes parents knew and how best to support children through difficult times. Ellen touches on the impacts of generational divorce as well. Tune in today to learn how to change the story so that your kids can have loving, healthy relationships in the future. 

In this episode:

[02:29] What drove Ellen to create a documentary on divorced children? [05:52] Ellen shares the key things she learned while filming Split. [11:17] What Ellen believes kids want to hear differently through their divorce/growing up after divorce. [13:40] What happens to children in the long term when there are continuous conflicts between parents? [19:51] How does being a child of divorce affect children’s outlook on love for themselves? [21:05] What information did Ellen find about generational divorce?

Key Takeaways: 

Families with parents who were more cooperative and had less conflict, fared better long-term. Families with more conflict post-divorce, those children are still struggling long-term. Have the courage to listen to your children's concerns, hear their questions, and answer appropriately for their age with the needed information. Help them make sense of the situation. Confirm to them that the decision isn’t because of them. Disengage from the toxic environment for both the parents and children. Put the anger and resentment aside and show up for the kids as much as possible. Choose joy and choose love as often as possible. 

Quotes: 

“Sometimes we think, oh divorce is something that happens within a discrete period of time, and then everyone moves on. Well actually, as we all know, divorce becomes part of the DNA of our family structure, part of the experience of our children, and that will be true when they are 40 as it is when they are 4.” - Ellen Bruno

“I just want parents to have the courage and understand that opening up these conversations and allowing your children to ask questions is going to be one of the best things you can do for your kids. And it doesn't mean you have to answer every question, but everybody that goes through a difficult situation, whether its political refugees, prisoners, young sex workers, or kids from divorce, everybody needs to make sense of their experience in order to move forward. They need to make sense of their experience in order to move forward.” - Ellen Bruno

Guest Bio: 

Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen’s films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights. She began her relief efforts in remote Mayan villages in Tabasco, Mexico. She has worked in refugee camps on the Thai-Cambodian border with the International Rescue Committee, in Vietnamese boat camps with The Refugee Section of the American Embassy in Thailand, and as director of the Cambodian Women's Project for the American Friends Service Committee. She has also been a hospice worker for the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco.

Ellen completed a master's degree in documentary film at Stanford University. She is a recipient of Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artist, an Alpert Award for the Arts, an Anonymous Was A Woman Award for the Arts, a Shenkin Fellowship from Yale University School of Art, and was an Artist-in-Residence at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts.

Resources: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. The best thing you can do when determining your housing situation during divorce is to turn to a mortgage loan officer specializing in divorce. Don’t worry about all the details; take the pressure off of you and get clarity from a reputable source! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Today we are joined by Brett Leschinsky, a loan officer specializing in divorce. Brett shared some incredible information about navigating the complexities of divorce and real estate. He walks through what information mortgage professionals need in the divorce decree, how to qualify for a new home loan or refinance using child support and spousal support, and how to keep your current interest rate when taking over the mortgage. Tune in for the creative tips he has to make home buying or refinancing simple post-divorce. 

In this episode:

[2:08] What led Brett to go into his field of work helping divorced people? [7:03] What do mortgage professionals need to see in the divorce decree? [11:25] How can child support or maintenance be used to qualify for a mortgage/refinance? [17:16] What’s the difference between the title and the mortgage? [20:00] Why would you leave both names on the title? [21:47] When can you purchase a new home post-divorce? [24:44] Can you get a co-signer to qualify for a new mortgage post-divorce? [25:57] Can you keep your interest rate when refinancing? 

Key Takeaways: 

The divorce decree trumps the credit report that shows you still owe house debt. Ensure the divorce decree states that the spouse is indemnified and held harmless, so when they purchase a new home, they can show the credit report is no longer valid. The payments must come in for at least six months to use child support or spousal maintenance to qualify for a home. There are specific ways to set up accounts for using this income at the time of the finalized divorce. There are many ways to get creative to qualify to buy a new home and do so before six months to a year. Working with a mortgage professional specializing in this space will be able to look at creative solutions such as child support, spousal support, how accounts are set up, etc. 

Quotes: 

“With a mortgage company, they look at Fanny and Freddie guidelines and take them at face value. They don't overlay some of the guidelines like some of the banks do. One of the overlays is that banks typically will not allow a purchase of a home or a mortgage transaction if someone’s going through a divorce prior to the divorce being finalized.” - Brett Leschinsky

“So I'll get an attorney that'll call me that'll say, Hey Brett, I thought you said, you know that if this indemnification wording is in there, they can go buy a house. And I'll say, yeah. And they say, well, their loan officer is telling them that they have to use that debt against them. And that's just one of those scenarios where the mortgage loan officers who aren't specializing in this.” - Brett Leschinsky

“So take the stay-at-home parent or the parent who has a part-time job, but they're looking for full-time work, but they don't wanna wait to purchase a house. They don't want to move twice. This house that came up is perfect. A co-signer can help bridge that gap and often does help bridge that gap. We do a lot of co-signers, so it's just something that people don't think of too much. If they think, well, I don't have the income to qualify, so I'm just gonna have to rent, but thinking about the co-signer helps a lot.”  - Brett Leschinsky

Guest Bio: 

Brett Leschinsky (pronounced Luh-shin-ski) hd guest on WCCO’s Real Estate Radio Hour to discuss common mistakes divorcing has been a respected mortgage professional for over 20 years, and he specializes in home mortgage transactions surrounding divorce. Brett has been a featureouples make with their home mortgage, and he regularly speaks to Family Law groups and firms to provide continuing education credits for divorce attorneys.

Resources: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Rhonda’s piece of advice for our lisenters to gain financial security is to get a good handle on expenses and dial that in. Become aware and get curious about what’s going on in your house hold by monitoring mail, email, income, bank statements and receipts, etc. This will set you up for the beginning of understanding your finances and negotiation power. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Today we are joined by Rhonda Noordyk who is a financial strategist for women going through a divorce. Rhonda is an incredible resource for women who are thinking about moving forward with divorce or who are in the trenches of their divorce journey. During the episode we discuss the biggest challenge for women who are going through the separation process, how women can become more confident, and then Rhonda summarizes her signature program. Tune in today as there is so many incredible nuggets Rhonda shares with us!

In this episode:

[3:02] Rhonda tells us why she became a financial strategist for divorce. [5:52] What does Rhonda see as the biggest challenge for women facing divorce?

[7:00] How does Rhonda help people decide whether it's time to stay or go? [10:59] How can women become more confident through the divorce process? [13:30] Rhonda gives us an example of how she gained experience in an unknown area. [18:32] What is Rhonda’s signature process for helping women financially through a divorce?

Key Takeaways: 

The first step before even looking at the budget is working through the fear and the things holding you back. With the right team in place, the finances can be manageable, but believing in yourself and finding your courage are the first steps to making the divorce experience smoother. The budget previews the current and future but also helps with negotiations. Pretty much any question that is asked pretty much goes back to the budget. Knowledge + Experience = Confidence. If we know without experience, it's just theory. If we have just experience but not knowledge, it's just trial and error, but those two things working together are really powerful. 

Quote:  “Look at all the things you’ve done to get to this point. You are capable; you’re smart; you're able to make big, great decisions. Not saying we don't need input, but we have to limit the amount of noise that we have in our mind and start reacquainting ourselves with our own brilliance and ability to make decisions” - Rhonda Noordyk  

Guest Bio: 

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® | CDS 5 

Unspoken Truths about Money & Divorce7 Secrets to Winning Divorce Negotiations3 Key Chess Strategies that Apply to Divorce What is THE question you often get? What are the top three financial challenges for women going through a divorce? How do you help women who are going through a divorce? What would you say if you could share one thing with women contemplating or going through a divorce? What can women do to determine their next best move? Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, is a well-respected divorce financial strategist. She is known internationally for her work in pioneering a  path for women to navigate through the financial aspects of the divorce process. As a  strategist,  Rhonda helps her clients determine their next best financial move. Rhonda is the host of the Divorce Conversations for Women podcast. She brings a  unique blend  of casual conversation,  strategic insight, and positive energy to her show. She uses her interview experience to help women ask the right questions so they get the right answers. Rhonda is a  trained  Financial  Coach,  Certified  Divorce  Financial Analyst®,  Certified  Divorce  Specialist®  and  Founder/CEO  of  The Women's Financial Wellness Center.  She has been featured in several online publications: SD Voyager, Better After  50,  Thrive  Global,  and  Medium.  She  has  also  been  a  featured expert on several divorce podcasts: Should I Stay or Should I Go, How to Split  a  Toaster,  The  Divorce  Hour,  Divorce  Stories,  and  The  Divorce Rehab.

Resources: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Our guest Linda Lingo wanted listeners to remember to assemble a fantastic support team behind them while going through a divorce. This can include a therapist, financial coach, and trusted mediator so you don’t feel like you are navigating the divorce on your own. When you have people behind you who are experts in their field, you’ll feel supported to make the right decisions. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Today we are joined for a second time by financial coach and CPA Linda Lingo. Linda is here to talk about grey divorce. She provides some wonderful tips about navigating grey divorce, things to consider with retirement, pension, and spousal maintenance, as well as the importance of having a solid team behind you. We also touch on the increase in the grey divorce age range and why that may be. Tune in today to gather some great insight about managing a grey divorce. 

In this episode:

[00:50] Linda provides an overview of her background. [6:13] What is a grey divorce? [7:57] What is causing a higher divorce rate with 65+? [9:01] Why are women 2x more likely to file for divorce than men? [12:07] Linda gives advice about going through a grey divorce from her personal experience as well as working with clients. [13:50] How does spousal maintenance work post-retirement? [20:36] How does someone approach pension in divorce? [22:13] If there is alimony or spousal support for a set number of years, why should you get a life insurance policy?

Key Takeaways: 

1 in 10 people getting divorced now are 65 and over. When dividing the assets up, it’s important to remember that retirement/401K are pre-tax; if you are balancing it with something that is post-tax, they are not equal. If you are getting spousal support or alimony, the person paying the support should get a life insurance policy for that set amount of time so that should anything happen, they still get their money. The person who receives the support needs to be listed as the beneficiary/owner of the policy.  

Quotes: 

“It's a term that refers to adults 50 and older going through a divorce. Typically it's a longer-lasting marriage that they are now getting divorced.” - Linda Lingo 

“I think women are now realizing that there is life after marriage.” - Linda Lingo

“The number one mistake I see women making is wanting to keep the family home, and it's usually for sentimental reasons. You have to take out a pretty large home equity line of credit or loan against the property in order to pay him for his half of the house, and then all the sudden you have a mortgage. And then the question is, do you need this big house? I mean, who needs a four-bedroom house if it's just you?” - Linda Lingo

Guest Bio: 

I started this business to provide tools and resources that help women gain clarity and confidence in their finances so they can move forward with their lives.

I want to empower women with smart money strategies so they can create a stress-free approach to money.

With over 30 years of experience in the financial industry, I have accumulated the knowledge and skill to understand your financial needs. More importantly, I have experienced most of these life events, thus giving me a first-hand understanding of what you are going through.

With my compassion and guidance, I will provide the right tools needed to make wealth a part of your everyday vocabulary.

Resources: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Meghan shares how vital it is to have an accurate assessment of the reality of your goals. Knowing the truth of your reality also gives you a way to move closer to your vision even though you can’t have the full expression of it. Talk about your realistic goals in a way that isn't depriving you of your vision. Also, ensure that you are working with someone who can share legal information about what is possible. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

I am joined by Meghan Freed, Managing Co-Partner of Freed Marcroft, a law firm in CT. Meghan shares her experience with the different types of legal support available to couples seeking divorce. She discusses the many benefits of mediation and the opportunities that come along with pursuing a partnership through a divorce. Meghan gives some wonderful mindset shifts during this episode, so tune in or share the episode with someone who could benefit from viewing divorce in a more empowering way. 

In this episode:

[1:50] What brought Meghan to family law? [7:05] Meghan describes her law firm and the services she provides in CT? [10:57] What are the benefits of mediation? [14:04] Different definitions of divorce - it’s not always bad. [19:45] What is it like to be in divorce practice with her spouse?

Key Takeaways: 

Benefits of mediation: privacy, flexibility around unpredictable schedules, beneficial for children if both parents can agree, powerful to look back on the divorce in the future and see positives, can be cost-effective, you can be creative in designing things how you want them. Mediation is about acknowledging the situation around us. We control how we handle the circumstance, which is where you take back the power of the situation. Focus on how you can respond but not react to circumstances.

Quotes: 

“A mediation takes both people agreeing to opt into it. Even though we often have clients who are interested in it themselves, if their spouse doesn't come around to it, we just give them the best litigative support we can.” - Meghan Freed 

“The life change can be incredibly transformative. It is an opportunity for both the leaning-in spouse, the person who wants to stay in the relationship, and the leaning-out space. It's not just transformative for the person who wants to leave the marriage; it can be really transformative for the person who doesn’t want it.” - Meghan Freed

Bio:

Meghan is Managing Co-Partner of Freed Marcroft, a Connecticut law firm that devotes its practice exclusively to divorce and family law.

Meghan is experienced with alternative dispute resolution, including arbitration and mediation; she is a graduate of Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and has supplemented her formal legal education with advanced training in mediation. She is a member of the Connecticut Council for Non-Adversarial Divorce.

Meghan is widely recognized for her leadership in the legal community. She was included on the New England Super Lawyers® Rising Star list in 2013 for general litigation, in 2014 for her estate planning work, and again from 2015-2020 for family law. In 2013, she was named a Hartford Business Journal 40 Under Forty winner, and a Connecticut Law TribuneNew Leader of the Law. In 2014 the Connecticut Women’s Education and Legal Fund (CWEALF) named her one of 40 Women for the Next 40 Years.

Meghan is particularly proud of her practice within the LGBT community. Her name appears in the Connecticut Supreme Court’s groundbreaking decision on marriage equality, Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health, for which she co-authored an amicus curiae brief on behalf of the Human Rights Campaign. She has appeared on WNPR’s Colin McEnroe Show speaking about the state of divorce – same sex or otherwise, WNPR’s Where We Live, discussing the impact of the United States Supreme Court’s decisions in the same sex marriage cases, United States v. Windsor and Hollingsworth v. Perry, and on Lite 100.5 FM WRCH discussing the impact of divorce on clients’ emotional health. She is a founding executive board member of the Connecticut Bar Association’s LGBT Section and previously served as its Chair. In 2015 she was named one of the National LGBT Bar Association‘s Best LGBT Lawyers Under 40.

Resources: 

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During this week's episode, Tami reminded those going through a divorce to stop and breathe, gather the information, and not rush to get to the settlement. This is the rest of your life that we’re talking about, your next chapter. Surround yourself with professionals, and that’ll help you get through it. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources