Married to Addiction

You hear it on airplanes all the time: 'Put your mask on first'.

But what does that mean for us as as the wife of an alcoholic?

In this episode we talk about why 'putting our mask on first' is so important, how it can help us and those around us, and ways you can start.

If you don't feel like you can breathe right now then please listen to this episode.

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So your husband has decided to attempt sobriety.

You thought you'd be blissfully happy when this time came, but are instead finding parts of it challenging, or even annoying.

In this episode we will talk about things we need to keep in mind if our husband is trying to stop drinking.

It's important for every wife to give this one a listen, even if your husband isn't currently at this point.

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When my husband was addicted I became such a good detective that I bet the Scooby Doo gang would've hired me in an instant.

I worked hard to figure out all his drinking habits.

I thought I was 'good' at it, and walked around with a smug sense of pride and superiority because of it.

It hurts my heart to say that now.

Because looking back it only made things worse.

In this episode we'll talk about how we fall into playing detective, why it's so harmful, and what to do instead.

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You've heard it before, I'm sure: An alcoholic has to 'be ready' for recovery.

But what does that mean exactly?

And how do they get there?

Is there anything we can do to hurry it along?

In this episode I will share an analogy with you that I think will really help you understand the concept of 'being ready' for recovery.

Thanks for tuning in.

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This is a scenario I hear about a lot.

Many of our husbands' early (or even late) attempts at sobriety will be trying to do it on their own.

Is that ever successful?

What are the challenges around that?

What things can make it actually possible?

We'll talk about all of that in this episode.

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It's probably been about everyone but you for a while now, hasn't it?

I get it. I was in the same position when my husband was addicted.

But here's the thing...

If you keep ignoring YOU, then you will keep sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

And that, dear sister, is no way to live.

It's time to make room for you. It's time to focus on your recovery.

I'll give you some tips on how to do just that in this episode, plus a new free resource to get you started.

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Nothing changes if nothing changes.

If we feel like we are being prompted to make a shift then we need to listen to that.

It can be difficult because change often feels uncomfortable, but God knows where He is trying to lead us so we need to trust that He will never steer us wrong.

In this episode we will talk about a shift that is coming for Married to Addiction, and also the possibility that it might be time for you to make a shift as well.

Will you join me?

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Have you heard the term 'dry drunk'?

What does that mean?

Is your husband considered a dry drunk now?

Why does it occur?

And what can we do if our husband is exhibiting 'dry drunk' behaviors?

We will tackle all of that in this episode.

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Hopefully you know by now that working on our own recovery as wives of alcoholics is vitally important.

It can help us get our lives back. It can help us get ourselves back.

But what about the ripple effect?

How does prioritizing our own personal recovery affect our other relationships, or even other parts of our lives?

We will talk about all of that in this episode.

Please listen. The effects are probably FAR more far-reaching than you think.

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'I'm sorry. I love you.'

We've heard it all before. Usually after a fight with our husbands about their drinking.

Have you started just tuning it out?

Do you feel like those words are empty at this point?

Then this episode is for you.

And it might just change your mind....

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Our head can be a VERY noisy place when we're the wife of an alcoholic.

'What do I do?!'

'How much has my husband had to drink today??'

'Will he be drunk when I get home?!'

'I can't take it anymore!!!'

Sound familiar?

In this episode we will talk about the dangers of staying stuck in a toxic thinking pattern...which might be a lot further reaching than you think.

I'll also share some specific ways that getting out of your head can change things in your life.

It is truly one of the most important things we can learn to do.

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This is something I get asked about on occasion, so I thought I would tackle it in a podcast episode.

Is an intervention a good idea?

Is there ever a time when it might be a bad idea?

What types of things do you need to consider before staging one?

I will discuss all of that in this episode.

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Boundaries.

It's a word we are all too familiar with as wives of alcoholics.

But it also might be a word that you find really confusing.

What exactly *are* boundaries?

And why do we need them?

We'll slice right through some of that confusion in this episode.

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This is one of those 'tough love' episodes.

But I only bring you tough love topics when I know they are things that I really needed to hear (and take heed of) back when my husband was addicted.

In this episode we will be talking about addiction as an idol.

The Bible warns us about having idols in our lives, so this is something we need to be aware of if it's happening.

I'll tell you how to tell if it has become an idol in your life, and what to do about it if it has.

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In this episode I am speaking with Dr. Higgins from 'Wired for Addiction'.

Her work is both fascinating and incredibly important, so I wanted to make sure you knew about it.

Dr. Higgins uses genetic data to both determine someone's pre-disposition for addiction, and also treat it in a way that will be the most effective for that specific individual.

This is ground-breaking information that could completely change the way we view both addiction and mental health struggles.

Please don't miss this one!

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Did you know that alcoholism can look a lot of different ways?

What are those ways?

Are some worse than others?

Is there ever a time when drinking is not a concern?

How does our husband's drinking compare to others?

Will it change over time?

I will answer ALL of those questions for you in this episode.

Be sure to tune in.

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I remember feeling like I didn't have a life anymore. I had lost myself, along with every single one of my passions, hopes, and dreams.

My life was centered around my husband's addiction, leaving me feeling powerless, hopeless, and stuck.

In this episode I'll talk about getting out from under feeling 'stuck'.

I'll give you some encouragement around this, plus specific ideas of how you can get unstuck beginning today.

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'A-ha!! I knew it! Look what I found!'

And so it began....yet another fight about how my husband had hidden alcohol, and how I found it, and yadda yadda....

Does that sound familiar? Does your husband hide alcohol too?

If so, this one's for you.

We will talk about why it's a problem if your husband is hiding alcohol.

But it might not be for the reason you think....

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Surrendering when our husband is an alcoholic honestly sounds terrifying.

That's like taking your hands off the wheel when your car is about to crash, right?

I get it. I used to feel the same way.

But in this episode I will explain how surrendering actually makes things easier on us, not harder.

We'll talk about why to do it, how to do it, and the part we still have to play in this even after we do it.

Please listen to this one. I have a feeling you might really need to hear it.

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One of the things that made the absolute biggest difference for me in my own recovery was learning what things were like for my addicted husband.

It not only made me see him in a different light, but it drastically changed the things that were spinning around in my own head on the regular and making me feel crazy.

If you don't yet believe that understanding more about addiction can help your situation then this is a MUST listen for you.

And if you already grasp that concept there are still some nuggets in here for you as well.

Basically every wife of an alcoholic needs to listen to this one....

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This is the follow-up to Episode 59: Answering Your Questions.

In this episode I will be answering more of the questions that were sent in by wives of alcoholics.

Pretty sure that you have asked yourself at least one of these, so you might want to give this a listen.

I hope it helps you. 

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In this episode I'm speaking with Mariah Rohne, a certified drug and alcohol counselor.

She has worked extensively with both addicts and alcoholics and brings to the table a valuable perspective about what things are like on the 'other side'.

We discuss what wives need to know about their husband's addiciton, how wives can best help their addicted spouse, and what to do if your husband says he is ready to get help.

Don't miss this one.

Raise your hand if you're a fixer.

*raises hand*

When my husband became addicted I swooped in to 'help'.

Problem was that my 'helping' soon became fixing, and it did more harm than good....for both of us.

In this episode we will talk about how fixing can be damaging, how to stop doing it, and what to do instead.

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Peace can feel SO elusive as the wife of an alcoholic. 

And a new year can bring up so much anxiety about what the future might hold.

In this episode I will give you five ways to experience more peace in 2023. 

I'll also talk about why chasing peace is so critical...especially right now.

I hope you will join me for this one. 

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Welcome to Season 4 of the Married to Addiction podcast! 

This episode is a bit different in that I am 'pulling back the curtain' on what is essentially the Life Manual for wives of alcoholics that I have created.

What is it? Tune in to find out, and hear allll the details!

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Faith. It is vital in our lives as Christian women.

But is there ever a time when faith is not enough?

In this episode we will explore that question, and I will share with you how it can sometimes look when there is more for us to do than just having faith.

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This episode is a good ol' Q&A.

I asked those on my email list what questions they had as the wife of an alcoholic and got a BUNCH of responses!

This episode will cover the first ten, but I am sure there will end up being a Part Two, so stay tuned for that.

In this episode I will answer questions about everything from finances to kids to drunk driving, so be sure to tune in.

I bet some of these are things you have been wondering about too.

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I tried EVERYTHING. 

The things I thought I should do. The things 'they' said to do. 

The things that seemed right. Even some of the things that seemed wrong (I was desperate). 

But nothing worked. All I ended up with was more frustration.

I couldn't figure out why! Even when I attempted to go about things the 'right' way nothing would change for the better.

In this episode we will be talking about some CRITICAL pre-work that we simply must do if we are ever going to meet with any type of 'success' during this journey as the wife of an alcoholic.

This is seldom talked about, but it truly changes everything. 

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This life as the wife of an alcoholic feels like complete madness sometimes.

We stay in a state of heightened awareness, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We're confused, we're scared, we don't know what to do next, and we feel as if we're hanging by a thread.

We just want to STOP the madness!

In this special episode I will tell you exactly what you need to do to stop the madness in your life, beginning right now. 

Don't miss this one.

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'Bondage and Torment' are terms that we commonly associate with addiction itself, but the truth is that we as wives can suffer from these things every bit as much as our husbands.

In this episode we will talk about what a spirit of bondage and torment looks like, and how these things can take root in our lives.

I'll also give you some practical ways that you can begin to get out from under them, which is SO important since staying in a spirit of bondage and torment is staying in agreement with the enemy.

Please join me for this important episode.

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There comes a time in our journey as the wife of an alcoholic when we need to sit down with ourselves and ask some questions.

We get so caught up in the stress and chaos of everything that's constantly coming at us that we stay in reactive mode, never taking the time to evaluate what is happening to US.

In this episode I will give you five questions that you need to ask yourself RIGHT NOW if you are the wife of an alcoholic, no matter if you have been on this journey for three months or three years.

So listen in, take some notes, honestly answer these questions, and then be good to yourself and make any changes that you need to make. Because you're SO worth it.

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This can be a really hard line to walk sometimes.

We feel like our husband needs our support through this, but we also feel like we are being mistreated because of his drinking and drinking behaviors.

A lot of times women will draw a hard line in the sand on one side or the other, but that is not my stance on things.

I believe you can remain compassionate (as we are called to be) without allowing yourself to be walked on.

In this episode we will talk about some ways to manage both sides of this equation.

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You know I love you, right?

Well I hope that we will still be friends after this episode because I'm dishing out a little bit of tough love.

I learned SO many things the hard way when my husband was addicted, and I don't want that for you.

That's why I'm here!!

So please tune in and listen to the one thing that changed EVERYTHING for me, and is also changing things for the women I work with.

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We all have a 'To-Do' list, right? And most of the time it has WAY too much on it.

But have you ever heard of a 'To-Don't' List? 

And did you know that having one of those is actually far more important when you're the wife of an alcoholic?

In this episode I will introduce you to the 'To-Don't' list, tell you why you need one, and give you some examples of what should go on it.

If you are feeling overwhelmed (and I'm almost sure that you are) then you need to give this one a listen.

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Do you have a difficult time with the idea of letting go of things you can't control?

Do you envision people who do that as walking around in a La-la land of denial?

In this episode we will talk about the difference between the two, and the truth is that they actually couldn't be more opposite.

Letting go is rooted in one thing, and being in denial is rooted in something completely different.

Give this episode a listen to learn more.

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Ever feel not 'Christian-y' enough because you're struggling through this journey with your addicted husband?

Sometimes we can feel guilty, ashamed, or like we're not a good Christian if we don't have 'the joy of the Lord' all the time.

In this episode we'll tackle that head-on.

I'll talk about what to do when you feel that way, and how to give yourself some grace in the process.

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I remember having a BIG problem with going to meetings when my husband was addicted.

For several different reasons, which we'll talk about in this episode.

For some of us they just aren't a good fit.

So the short answer to the 'Should I go to meetings' question is really 'It depends'.

In this episode we'll talk about who meetings are best suited for, who they may not be suited for, and what you might want to do instead.

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As the wife of an alcoholic do you ever feel like you just need a timeout?!

I know I did....a LOT.

This episode is a bit different than the rest. It's for you to listen to when you feel like you want to scream, or when you feel anxious, depressed, lonely, etc.

In fact there is a scripture in this episode for most every hard feeling that you may be experiencing. 

These words can bring peace, rest, and comfort to your mind, heart, and soul.

Give it a listen. I pray it helps you.

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I hear it all the time: 'But if I don't confront him he will think it's okay with me!'

Will he though??

I confronted my husband about his drinking a million times. And guess what....it didn't change a thing except for MY journey through this.

In this episode we will talk about whether or not you should confront your husband about his drinking, how confrontation might be doing just the opposite of what you want, and what you might want to try instead.

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SO many wives of alcoholics tell me they feel like they are 'hanging by a thread'. And I know they truly do, because I did too.

It is such a difficult, overwhelming place to be, but you just don't know what to do to get yourself out of it.

So today I am giving you three things to focus on when you're in that spot.

Within those three main focuses are several everyday things that you can start with right now.

Even if you only implement a couple of these my hope is that these tips will give you a sense of relief....and what wife of an alcoholic doesn't need that??

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'Speaking life'.

What does it mean and why should you care?

The concept of speaking life is important in general, but especially while we're in a situation such as this.

Negative words breed negative power, and positive words breed positive power.

Just like many other things....one is from God, and one is from the enemy.

But how do we actually DO this? How can we speak life into our situation, and reap the benefits from it?

Tune in to find out....

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Sex. It's a topic that's not discussed much in this arena, but it's an important one that needs to be addressed.

The relationship that we as wives have with our addicted loved one is different than any other because there is a physical component.

In this episode I am speaking with Matt and Sheri from the Untoxicated Podcast, and they will be sharing both sides of how they navigated their physical relationship during Matt's addiction.

This can play out a little bit differently for each couple, depending on the particulars of the relationship, but there are a couple of things that we all agree every woman in this situation should do.

Please tune in to this one if you could use some guidance in this area.

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You've probably heard me say this before: Knowing is one thing, but doing is everything.

What exactly does that mean though?

Well if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, and hearing a lot of suggestions to improve things but not seeing any improvement in your life then this may be for you.

This concept is also known as 'Nothing changes if nothing changes'.

We can have ALL the knowledge in the world, but if we do nothing with it things will stay the same.

It can be scary to do things differently, but I guarantee that it's not as bad as what you are probably experiencing. 

Is it time for you to start doing? Listen in to find out....

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Are you familiar with the Armor of God?

If not, then I encourage you to become familiar with it, because it is the perfect thing for us to 'put on' as wives of alcoholics. 

The Armor of God will help us protect our minds, hearts, and spirits during times of trouble. 

It's what we should wear during spiritual warfare....and having addiction in our homes requires spiritual warfare.

Please tune in to this episode to learn more about the armor of God, and how it can help protect us during this difficult journey.

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It's kind of the elephant in the room. The thought crosses all of our minds from time to time: 'What if my husband never gets sober??'

It's a hard thing to think about, but does that mean we are doomed to a life of misery if it happens? Absolutely NOT.

In this episode we'll talk about a couple of aspects of this. 

What would our physical situation look like? What are our options?

What would our spiritual life look like? Could there be any sort of reason for all of this?

I know it's not a fun question, but I truly think every wife of an alcoholic needs to listen to this one.

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CHAOS. That's what my life was when my husband was deep in addiction.

I was either constantly being pulled under by all of the awful things that were happening around me, or frantically trying to employ whatever 'damage control' I thought I could to keep things from getting worse. 

It was a devastating way to live, and it negatively affected every area of my life.

If you can relate to any of that, then this episode is for you. In it I will give you five ways to exit the whirlwind of chaos that you're probably living in. 

These are things I really wish I had done back when I was in the thick of it. Please give this episode a listen.

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This is something I get asked a lot: What about my kids? 

As mamas we worry about our kids anyway, but even moreso when they are in a home with an alcoholic parent.

In this episode I will share with you some of the things I wish I had done differently when my husband was deep in addiction where my kids were concerned. 

I'll also give you some great (free) resources that can help you help them through this difficult time. 

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Resources mentioned in this episode:

Sometimes walking this path is SO confusing.

Why are we being put through this? Why isn't God coming to our rescue? Why are we having to suffer??

In this episode I'll give you some perspective that I think might change the way you look at things.

If you feel like your life is nothing but endless suffering right now, then please give this episode a listen. 

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The Married to Addiction podcast is one year old today!

In this episode I will share with you some of the podcast's statistics, and we'll talk about the most listened to episodes, along with what the future holds.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have tuned in, whether you have listened once, or have heard every episode. YOU are the reason I'm here and I am so grateful for you!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

Love,
Julie

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Do you feel like you have only two options as the wife of an alcoholic?

1. Stay and be miserable until your husband gets sober

2. Leave

If you're like I was then neither of those is what you want.

Truth is those aren't your only options.

There are actually four different ways that being married to an alcoholic can play out, and we will talk about those in today's episode.

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PLEASE NOTE: This podcast is pre-recorded, so not all offers mentioned/listed will be currently available.