The Honest Mom Podcast

I talk about these subjects because I, too, experience them. So selfishly I find myself researching, learning, and sharing these topics with you so we can all be in the same boat and grow together. Today we talk about avoiding pain. Why we do it. How we can break through our fears to acknowledge the pain, get help, heal and become who we are meant to be because of the pain. We can't avoid painful situations just as much as we can't protect our children from them. PsychCentral writes:

"Dealing with something head on can make the feelings worse before they get better. We can postpone difficult emotions if we suppress dealing with the situation. Avoidance can be harmful in the long run leading to anxiety, fear and unhealthy decisions." They continue talking about the subject of Avoidance Coping which is anything we do to avoid dealing with the pain. It may work temporarily but the things you use to avoid may amplify because of it. One example is drinking wine when you're stressed out from being with your kids all day. Social media is also a huge mechanism we use- and at times the use is amplified when we are using it to avoid something difficult.

I thought I was super strong in so many ways but found that motherhood has held some of my weakest moments of my life. I was always one to stand out, do my own thing, and with no apologies but here I was completely crippled by standards, myths, and BS about what a mom was supposed to be. It took me almost a decade to find where I was supposed to return to. ME.

"The expectation that a mother should always feel joy and fulfillment is a part of the myth of motherhood. The myth of motherhood is our society's notion that a woman achieves her uttermost fulfillment as a woman by being a mother and, as such, should always be happy and strong." - Dr. Michal Regev in her article "The Myth of Motherhood: The Way Unrealistic Societal Expectations of Mothers Shape Their Experience.

At the end of the day, throw away the standards, norms, expectations, and what your MIL tells you to do. It's time to follow our own intuition, our gut, our goals, and to connect with our relationship with motherhood. What it means to us. What we want out of it. What we don't. How we want our days to go. What brings us happiness. Finding people that will support us, empathize and encourage us. Connect with what will make us want to be mothers, not what will make us want to run away from it. Thank you for listening, sharing and being a loyal listener!!!

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be." -Anne Lamott

"We all gossip. We all listen to gossip. But it is possible, if you're willing to exercise awareness, to begin to discriminate about how and when you do it.

Obviously, you can't cut out all conversation about other people, and you don't have to. Instead, you can make your conversations more conscious, more disciplined, more measured. You can contemplate exactly why you sometimes feel compelled to bad-mouth a friend, or to spread a rumor that might cause harm. You can look into the feeling of emptiness that often lurks behind the urge to fill spaces in a conversation with gossip. And you can consider whether one of the greatest fruits of our practice is the ability to remain silent, even when you're dying to share a piece of juicy gossip or justify your dissatisfaction with a friend." - Yoga Journal

At the end of the day, our goal is to find the path to compassion versus judgement. Our goal is to be connected to our truth, our happiness, our healing, and our own struggles in order to release judgement and find that compassion for others. That we are all trying our best and we don't always know the first story before the one we've been told.

I hope this episode makes you feel better. Because as humans, we are wired to judge. But we can always be more conscious with our conversation, it's a place to start. Thank you for listening, sharing and letting me know how you feel about the podcast by rating it on Apple Podcasts or simply sending me a message directly.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Begin doing what you want to do now... We have only this moment sparkling like a star in our hand- and melting like a snowflake." -Marie Beynon Ray

These are a few of my favorite things: The Yummly app for meal ideas. I'm not a rigid meal planner. I've tried. But I can at least get some ideas for dinner and I'm not paying a huge subscription fee to do so.

Resources:

I've opened up a LOT about my own ghosting experience that happened over two years ago. I am so happy that I've been honest about it because it opened the doors for so many women who've reached out to me that experienced a similar situation. They were embarrassed and felt rejected, confused, angry, and just plain old heart broken where they hid their feelings until someone else opened the doors for them. One woman I met along this vulnerability journey is the incredible author, Annie Cathryn. She published her first novel, "The Friendship Breakup", shortly after my book was published and its theme is all about the world of friendships, ghosting, misunderstandings, gossip (that leads to even MORE misunderstandings), chasing, and questioning is the friendship even worth chasing?

Annie's book is the perfect vacation read or if you need a page turner that you can't put down. It's a book that many of you will relate to with the situations Fallon falls into. When I read it, I felt like this was my story. The details and all that Fallon went through and where she landed had me saying, "HOW is this so accurate to my own story?!" I for sure knew I wasn't alone in this friendship breakup world. I reached out to Annie and we had an instant connection. With an entire chapter of my book being about friendships, I knew we had to get together and collaborate. We've had a wonderful experience supporting one another and our books these last six months. I'm blessed to know her and excited to introduce you to her- and her book! Enjoy this episode and let us know what you think! Thank you for listening and supporting the both of us. We appreciate you!

You hear how teens are "terrible" and all the negatives about entitlement, attitude, laziness, and how exhausting it can be. Parents tell you that they can't wait for their teen to be in college and how their teen treats them. That they don't open up. They shut down. They say hurtful things. Is this the case with ALL teens? The good news is that it isn't.

Lindy & Kirsten are sisters that I adore, admire and am inspired by with how they raise their kids and look at their roles in this stage. How they communicate with them, the challenges & anxieties that can appear, dealing with moods, big feelings, and allowing their teens to make mistakes. They talk about the hard work it takes to raise them to be their own unique person. Being "shepherds" versus "engineers".

You will first hear audio from Dr. Russell A. Barkely where he talks about this "engineering" way of parenting that is bringing us SO much anxiety, too much responsibility, and putting too much power on a parent. Power that we really don't have. Control that we need to release. What's ironic is the more independence and freedom we give our kids to figure life out, the less anxiety & stress we have as parents. Dr. Barkley explains how the "shepherd" role is not only less stress for us but also a stronger option for our kids.

Lindy & Kirsten are just beyond cool and so easy to listen to. They make you want to be their sister too. I don't have a sister and hearing them talk makes me wish I had a sister like them to raise Brooklyn with. That tribe is there for you regardless if it's a blood relative though. So go find that sister as we all need it with raising teens in the world we live in- and in the future.

Thank you for listening, sharing and connecting with me about this episode and all episodes. Share with a mom who may need this or even to a mom with littles who may need to know that the teen years don't have to be terrible!

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Remember the feeling as a child when you woke up and morning smiled... it's time you felt like that again." -Gerry Goffin & Carole King

Lindy & Kirsten's Favorite Things & Resources:

You may already know that yoga is a huge part of my life. As I finish my 250hr yoga teacher training this summer, I reflect on this past year and all I've learned about the value of yoga in my life. I reflect back to over 10 years ago when I was in my prenatal yoga classes within the walls of the exact studio I'm getting my certification with. How important prenatal yoga was with my pregnancy as well as Brooklyn's birth. My labor & delivery experience was definitely due to my prenatal yoga.

Well this is a topic that is definitely close to my heart and I have experienced in such strong ways. I am so grateful that I was able to sit with Kristen Harding, a local mom and owner of PillarBox Gifts, to talk about how to "find ourselves" in the dense forest of motherhood. The pressures of motherhood have high standards where we feel this need to "mom so hard" all-the-time. It's easy to get a bit lost in that forest. Or very lost. On top of it we don't use our own compass to get to where we need to be- we look around at others and feel we should be where they are or do what they're doing. Trust me, I speak from experience. A piece of advice, you do not have to have the same journey as anyone else. Write your own story. But first- you have to connect with who you truly are beyond the role of a mother. How? Listen to this episode as Kristen and I share our stories and she gives incredible guidance and hope for a life where you can truly be happy and fulfilled on your terms. A bit more about Kristen:

Kristen is a stay-at-home mom to an amazing little boy while running my own business doing something that she loves. Motherhood has inspired her to create a strong yearning for community and connection that she didn't have before. Kristen has a strong passion for art and creating and chose to use these skills to create gifts for other women as a means to show them how truly valuable and loved they are and to help create a community of women supporting women.

Thank you so much for listening and sharing this episode with some friends. I hope that this episode can help you in some way and know I'm here if you ever want to connect and chat. You can find me on Instagram at @thehonestmompodcast

You can connect with Kristen and PillarBox Gifts Here!

These are two VERY hard things to do. EXTREMELY difficult. So know that I know this as you listen. I still struggle with empathy and compassion. Every day. Whether it's something connected to my life or when I watch the news, initially my emotions take over and I have a VERY hard time finding that empathy and compassion. It takes time, reading, therapy, podcasts and talking with others to find it again. Especially with evil and unkindness in the world. I had to work hard when a child in Brooklyn's class was constantly saying unkind things to her. I initially wanted to pull a Rebecca De Mornay from "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" and find that kid on the playground, pull him to the side, and tell him not to F with my daughter. I had to breathe. Talk to people. Have a session with my therapist. I had to find a way to TEACH Brooklyn not only to stick up for herself but to also find empathy and compassion for this child. So that Brooklyn could release the anger.

I don't support many actions or behaviors out there, but how do I move on and not hold on to the anger? The resentment? Sadness? Confusion? How do I grow into a stronger person and avoid crumbling and holding on to feelings that can defeat me? Especially with all that I cannot control in the world. Here are some quotes that resonated with me and may help you with this journey we are all on every day of our lives.

Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of you're not alone. - Brene Brown

Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It's the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else's pain is as meaningful as your own. - Barbara Kingsolver

I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it. - Maya Angelou

What we don't realize is that the world does not need more perfection. It needs more compassion and empathy. - Tessa Dare

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within." -Sarah Ban Breathnach

This week's episode is inspired by the October 5th, 2022 episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast where she and her daughter discuss situations where we feel the most insecure, doubt ourselves, disconnect from our true self, and give all of our power to the world outside of us. I love Mel and her daughter's relationship and how they work through a pretty humbling experience Mel's daughter was going through. Until they both talked it out and connected to the reality of the situation, and taking the power back.

How do you find your power when life knocks you down? How do you respond when the universe is testing you? How do you find confidence when self-doubt comes in? And most importantly, a learning lesson for myself, is how do we make these moments of insecurity learning opportunities... a win versus a defeat?

This episode will impact you if you are looking at taking your confidence & resilience back. If you're tired of comparing yourself to others, allowing a situation to bring you to a low level, or letting mistakes or hardships define who you are. We are all in this boat together and have experienced this in various ways. Thank you for listening, sharing and supporting this podcast. I hope you come away stronger than yesterday with this episode.

They say to walk with fear and not run from it... so why doesn't this apply with Mom Guilt?

Today I talk about why the "F the Mom Guilt" movement doesn't work for me and how I have learned to work WITH the guilt versus telling myself I shouldn't feel the guilt.

Learn what mom guilt may actually mean, it isn't as terrible as you may think it is. What is mom guilt telling you?

You'll feel stronger not weaker after this episode. Your struggles with mom guilt don't have to be debilitating anymore.

Thank you for listening, sharing and connecting with me about this important topic. Oh and news flash, I still have mom guilt. I just know how to handle it better now. You can too!

It's hard to talk about, hard to admit, and embarrassing to acknowledge that sex can... how do I say it... SUCK after you have a baby? You don't want to, you're exhausted, perhaps it's painful, or you simply find it awkward and the furthest thing from sexy. That's why I am introducing you to my dear friend and Women's Health Physical Therapist, Carrie Koziol.

Carrie is one of the most honest moms and friends I know. She is the PERFECT person to talk about this subject not only because of her incredible knowledge but because she will make you feel SO comfortable with what you're going through and why. And what to do. NEWS FLASH, you're not alone. Today we are talking about the reasons why you don't want to have sex and you're not enjoying it. Carrie also has solutions and new ways to get out of this funk and into a healthier relationship with sex. And yourself! Carrie doesn't hold back and is super vibrant, bold and raw about our sexual vibrancy at any stage of life.

You don't have to be dry as a desert, roll your eyes when your partner touches you, or get trapped by the #1 boner killer anymore (Carrie shares it in this episode!) Listen, learn, be inspired, have a few giggles, get comfortable and confident in the bedroom. Thank you for listening, sharing, and I hope you enjoy this episode. I know I needed it!

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Do not wait for life. Do not long for it. Be aware, always and at every moment, that the miracle is in the here & now." -Marcel Proust

Carrie's Favorite Resources for YOU:

"Kiss Me Quick" Podcast, "Julie Metzger" Podcast, The OMGYES app, "Come as You Are" book by Dr. Emily Negoski, "Mommy Mojo Makeover" book by Dana B. Myers.

Carrie's Favorite Things:

Social media isn't "evil" and I'm here to talk about how the key to a healthy relationship with anything in life is moderation. Using or ingesting in the ways that fuel you, challenge you, and create learning opportunities. It doesn't have to be perfect but even with things that are "healthy" for you, let's say an orange, if you eat too much of it, it can be harmful. Do you take away ALL the sugar in your life and declare it's toxic and going to kill you? Like I did back in the day (LOL!)? No.

Social media has helped my motherhood and connections with people in TREMENDOUS ways. However, have I gone down unhealthy rabbit holes with it as well? At 2am nursing Brooklyn and feeling like I'm the ugliest mom on the planet and missing out on a life I "should" have? Of course I have. It was a TON of work but I vowed to have a healthy relationship with social media. And you can to. I've met incredible women, resources for my postpartum depression, learned so much so I could write my book, met people that actually helped make this book come alive, this podcast wouldn't be here if it weren't for the connections I made on social media. I know I've helped women feel better about their unmarketable feelings as they traveled through the jungles of motherhood. I thank social media for all of this.

Today's episode is for you if you're curious about your social media relationship. And if you're feeling swallowed, suffocated, insecure, angry at times, or if you can't control your scrolling... this episode is for you too. You don't have to delete the apps completely and forever, there are different ways to grow a healthy relationship with social media. If you decide social media just isn't for you anymore, that's OK too!

Thank you for listening today and let's start a conversation about ways we can grow with social media. Or say goodbye to it. It's whatever works for you and your motherhood journey.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to a tell-all episode featuring one of THE most honest moms I know, and an incredible close friend of mine, Brandi Wiatrak. She is the host of the Mom After Hours podcast, which she needed to take a break from (I'm in denial and feel she will be going back to it in some capacity!) when she returned to work full time. She is the incredible mother to her daughter, Violet, and an amazing stepmom. She is the perfect person to have for this topic as she is as honest as honest can be. And she makes all of you know that it's OK to have our mom judgement moments, we allllllll have them.

Brandi and I chat about our own judgements towards other moms and how we have grown to get out of those weeds that strangle us. We have full-blown confession time where there were ones I didn't want to share, I was embarrassed, but Brandi made me feel so accepted and... not judged for my feelings I had. Listen, it's human nature to judge. Whether we are feeling bleh about our own parenting, eating, exercising, how we spend our time, or what we do on Instagram, we have our moments of judgement. There are values that you may have where you just don't understand "how she could DO THAT?!" when it's OK to have your feelings, but what do we actually do with them so we don't hurt someone that just trying their best like us?

We talk about things that we really don't apologize for judging. But who are your safe people to release your feelings with so you can move on and not care what she is doing? Even if their kids are total a-holes? Why do we even care? I don't know the answer to that. I have feelings that pop in when I witness others and their behaviors. The yogi and personal development fairy inside me coaches me to accept people, focus on myself, find empathy, try to put myself into their shoes, but it's f'in HARD to do that. Does it make me feel better about myself when I have my judgy moments? Sometimes. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself because 95% of the time I'm doing anything BUT judging. And Brandi is one of the coolest chicks and moms I know. She is so accepting and loves variety in her life. If you ever meet her and talk to her for a hot second, you couldn't imagine her judging anyone. But, like you, she's human and we all have our moments. We aren't terrible people.

I hope this episode helps you check in with your judgement zone. Is it something you do constantly with your mom friends? Do you find yourself judging almost everyone you encounter? Do you want to find ways to make a change so you're not focusing on what others are doing? Then this episode is for you. It's also for you if you simply want to feel better and not believe you're a terrible person because you do judge certain people in your life. I hope you love Brandi as much as I do and thank you for listening and sharing this episode!

Instead of the Mom Card Drawing of the Week we are going with a judgment-inspired quote from one of the fathers of Yoga:

"When you see a mistake in somebody else, try to find if you are making the same mistake. This is the way to take judgment & turn it into improvement." -BKS Iyengar

Brandi's Favorite Mom Resources: "Working Moms" on Netflix. Funny mom accounts like @fruitsofmotherhood and @simplyfalaksid on Instagram. Oh and find her podcast, @momafterhours, and listen to her episodes.

If the word "Balance" has your eyes rolling or you're already overwhelmed about it, then this episode is for you. Today Sarah Otto and I chat about the meaning of balance and how there's not a one-size-fits-all version that fits everyone's needs. Balance has many meanings and we talk about the true test and feelings to look for when achieving your own unique version.

Our mission today is to ease anxiety and overwhelm. Period. We aren't here on a see-saw trying to achieve that perfect level of equality with all the things going on in our lives. I knew when Sarah brought up this topic that she was the PERFECT and honest voice that was meant to make you feel a sense of relief, not annoyance or frustration. We bring up seasons of the year, seasons of life, how to allocate time outside your children and career. Connecting with what's uniquely important to YOU. Creating realistic expectations and goals. I mean does the laundry REALLY need to be folded today? Is the Queen of England showing up? We also dive into what to let go of. How to find peace. Where to put your energy and creating those values of how YOU want to spend your time. Without the guilt.

I know you'll enjoy this episode and fall in love with Sarah's incredible personality and spirit. Let us know about your experience with this topic and if you have any incredible tips to share. (I know you do!) Thank you for listening, sharing this episode with someone who needs it, and for being loyal listeners (or a new one!) to this podcast.

I don't know about you, but I believe that as human beings we have cravings beyond sex and a bag of Doritos. We, as humans, also have emotional cravings. We yearn to feel loved, to feel wanted, appreciated, validated, and included. I desire to be a part of something, to be in a community, to have experiences that I create and am invited to. When we become mothers, that connection is needed even more in order for us to grow. The problem is, we are moving father away from it than ever before. 

Katie has been my BFF since I started with SPENGA in 2018. She was also at the heart of some friendship breakups and was such an incredible part of my healing- and what it means to be a true friend. I've always appreciated her honesty and how she delivers it which is why I knew you would love her on the podcast.

Katie was dating her high school sweetheart where they were both seniors in college, planning to get married, when she learned she was pregnant with her amazing son, Sam. When life throws curveballs, Katie always has such an amazing outlook and way of living through them where she and her husband welcomed this new journey ahead of them. Not in the cards but what is when it comes to becoming a parent?! 

You may have listened to my solo episode about being an "old mom" when I had Brooklyn at 36 years old. Katie and I discuss the pros, cons and realities of being a young mom and have quite a few moments where we realize no matter what age you are, motherhood is challenging. Is it better to know nothing and get thrown into motherhood at a young age or to have 10 more years of life on your bookshelf?  Do older moms know more? Do young moms have more energy? Do moms in their 30's have more life experience? Do young moms just survive because they don't "know any better" (that was a quote from my MIL who had children in her early 20's). The answers are quite surprising when you listen to this episode. 

I hope you enjoy our conversation and whether you're a mom in her early 20's, late 30's or early 40's, we are all in the same motherhood boat. We can all help one another, no matter what ages we are. This episode will help you with your decisions, surprises, feelings, and give you some wonderful tools to keep on hand. Enjoy and thanks for listening!

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "You have within you all wisdom, all power, all strength, all understanding." -Eileen Caddy

Katie's Recco for Moms: Be an OPEN BOOK with friends and family!

Katie's Favorite Things (I love me some face products!!!):

Intuition can be this woo-woo thing that many don't take seriously. Or aren't able to connect with. As moms we are distracted. We are BUSY. We are getting busier by the month after being forced to slow down the last few years. It's like we are making up for lost time. But as this happens, we seem to be getting further and further from our intuition. Our brains are clouded. Our gut instincts are ignored. Our inner knowing is... unknown. We are losing trust in ourselves as mothers. In our decisions. Our lives. 

Do you find yourself over-thinking EVERYTHING? Taking forever to make a decision? Do you dismiss your own voice for the external validation - what is everyone else doing, what will they think, will they judge me, OMG make it stop! 

This episode is for you if you want to gain confidence in your values, decisions, life and motherhood. If you're tired of comparing yourself to everyone else and wondering if you're doing what's right. Listen today if you want more ease in life, your decisions and to be more in tune with your Mom Compass which aligns with your unique life, baby, family and values. Your life is COMPLETELY different than every other person's on this planet. It's time to trust your voice. Your decisions. It's time to trust YOU. 

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Be bold in what you stand for." -Ruth Boorstin (How PERFECT is this card?!)

This week in my Local Mom Series, I sat with Jessica Segreto where we chatted about having one child. We shared our unique decision and reasons behind having our daughters. How we gained confidence in our motherhood and families. There were some struggles and questioning but we talk about how we got through these weeds and honored the lives that worked for us. 

It's definitely getting more common to have one child. The stereotypes of only children are definitely not true. I also feel it's becoming more "accepted" (if that's even the word?!) There are so many benefits to having one child, just like having more than one. Family knows no numbers or size. 

This episode is for you if you are questioning how many children you want. Or maybe you have one child and don't want to go through the fertility treatments and emotional struggles you had when having your first child. Perhaps you had debilitating postpartum depression and you're terrified to go through it again? Whatever your decision is, it's the RIGHT decision for you and your family. This episode will give you confidence with this. 

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "As a woman, I have no country... as a woman my country is the whole world." -Virginia Woolf

Jessica's Favorite Things:

I said it so you don't have to. But know you're still an awesome mom if you do say it out loud.

Infancy wasn't my thing. Staring at my baby waving things in her face wasn't my jam. Playing Tea Party Princess had me looking at my watch and yawning. My days were so f'in long and I was bored out of my mind. Why? Isn't motherhood supposed to be exciting, fulfilling, and packed with action? 

I never heard anyone tell me how bored they were as a mom, so I thought I was alone and I just wasn't "good at it". Was I missing something? Turns out I wasn't. The truth was my boredom was my issue and I could have made motherhood more of my jam and thing. I didn't know how. Which is why I wrote this chapter and talk about it a lot. There is a way ladies, listen to this episode, buy the book and read this chapter to find out how to make your motherhood more exciting.

There is a resistance for people to ask difficult questions. Fear of the answer. That they can't "fix" it. Fear that the answer will be really uncomfortable. 

You may find yourself alone in your postpartum feelings. Those unmarketable feelings. Because people around you are scared to ask you, "How are you doing?"

You may be like me and not want to tell your partner or mom your feelings because they love to "fix" the problem. Tell you solutions, their experiences, because they cannot bear to see you unhappy. 

It's time to find the courage to have uncomfortable conversations and find the people that can handle them. Along with giving grace to the people that may not be able to handle them. How? Listen to today's episode and find out.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week:  “You Can if You Think You Can” -Norman Vincent Peale

Another amazing quote that Cathy with Zen Parenting Radio speaks of in Ep651: “Discomfort is the price we pay for living a meaningful life” -Susan David 

Additional Resources:

"F the Mom Guilt!" "You don't deserve to feel Mom Guilt!" Or at least that's what we are told on social, in books, podcasts and sometimes by friends around us. But what if simply "F the Mom Guilt!" doesn't work? What if you STILL feel it? What then? 

Pushing my feelings under the rug, ignoring them or telling them to F off just wasn't working. In fact it was crippling me. What did work? Listen to the snippets from this week's chapter reading series where I create some breathing room for you and give you some tools to work with the Mom Guilt instead of against it. It may not be the enemy you think it is.

Today's episode is another in my series with local moms and friends. I met Tori at Spenga, first as a rock star member and now she works there as an instructor. Tori recently became a new mom (her daughter, Emma is 4 months old) and she opened up about her postpartum journey. We laughed some about how her experience as a dog mom semi-prepared her and her husband (a lot of poop is involved with dogs and babies!), and how that helped them get a glimpse into how each other might parent and compromise.

Tori's pregnancy and birth experiences were pretty "text-book". She credits that to the healthy choices she made while pregnant and really looked forward to a maternity leave that she expected to be more like a vacation. But soon after Emma was born, Tori was given a HUGE dose of reality and her new expectations were to just get through the day. 

She noticed something was wrong right away, as she was sad and crying "all of the time". Already feeling guilty, anxious and some regret, her postpartum guilt increased the more she couldn't make sense of the fact that despite an easy pregnancy and birth, she was still not happy.  

Most of us assume that new parents are immediately happy when they have a baby - social media plays a big part in this. Often, if we are having any negative thoughts about our baby, we are hesitant to reach out to others for fear of judgement. And without a formal diagnosis we don't think our feelings are big enough and that all we need to do is push through the emotions and it will get better. 

For Tori, she wished she had reached out sooner or thought about the role her family history may have played in her postpartum journey. She did eventually start reaching out, and talks about how it got easier and easier each time. 

Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings right away. Postpartum depression help, whether it's talk therapy or medication, doesn't have to be a "forever" thing but an important stepping stone to getting the help you need.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "You're too marvelous, too marvelous for words." -Johnny Mercer

Tori's Favorite Things and Resources:

Motherhood is overwhelming with all the information you learn before your baby is born- and then it arrives and you get thrown even MORE information your way. This week's chapter series goes into the boundary world and all those well-intentional people in your life that want to tell you "the best" way to do something. You've probably heard "breast is best" (can we stop this one already?!) or judgmental recommendations about first foods, what they're learning, doing, drinking, how they're sleeping, what you shouldn't do, and OH MY GOD make it STOP. 

But how do you respond to these people? How do you create your filter and take in what resonates with you? How do you gain confidence to do this all without pissing someone off or getting the silent treatment? This chapter will help you with all of this. And I'm also here if you ever want to reach out to me with your unique challenges and how to work through them. 

Last year I tried something new for the new year and my goals. Instead of a New Year's Resolution, I chose a WORD OF THE YEAR. My best friend, Bridgett, shared this technique with me as she went through her yoga teacher training (which a huge part of it is self discovery) and I loved the idea. Last year my word of the year was TRUTH. This year, my word of the year is...

EXPAND

So excited to be kicking off Season 2 with Meghan Cox and Bridget Nolan of Sunshine Social Media!!!

Meghan got her start working in television and advertising, and eventually took her love of social media to create Sunshine Social Media. Bridget was a teacher for 10 years, and after becoming a mom she used her creative, communication, and management skills to become a social media manager. They eventually found each other on Instagram, and when Meghan reached out to collaborate with Bridget they clicked right away!

Coming together with another successful woman could have been intimidating or there might have been feelings of trying to compete with one another. But Meghan and Bridget soon learned that although they had similar personalities they also brought each of their own strengths to the business and they were able to really complement each other and balance each other out. These two women are bucking the stereotype that women don't support other women! 

As moms, that need to compare or "compete" with other moms can sometimes inhibit us from building potential friendships. We may beat ourselves up because our child isn't hitting certain milestones at the same time as their peers, so instead of reaching out we find ourselves feeling isolated and alone in our parenting journey. Collaboration doesn't have to happen only in a business environment. Join a mom's group on Facebook. Strike up a conversation with another mom at the park or school. Be confident enough to put yourself out there and own your uniqueness. You might be surprised that there are other women who feel similar to you.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Treasure this day, and treasure yourself. Truly, neither will ever happen again." -Ray Bradbury

Meghan & Bridget's Favorite Things:

The word "boundary" doesn't have to be a scary one, but often setting boundaries goes against what we were modeled growing up so it feels scary to broach the subject with family and friends. 

My conversation with Dr. Jessica increased my understanding of boundaries and the importance of talking about this topic. Everyone has to encounter setting boundaries at some point in their life. Boundaries are a way to create space, take care of ourselves mentally, and let others know what we are comfortable or uncomfortable with. 

Dr. Jessica and I talked about the misconceptions surrounding setting boundaries. Spoiler: They aren't there to keep people out of our lives! 

Another thing that really stuck out to me was that when I set a boundary it's not about other people, but my boundaries are about me and my needs. Know that it will feel overwhelming at first, but practice makes perfect. Find support, have grace with yourself, and don't over explain your needs. Just keep trying!

Dr. Jessica Bauer is a licensed psychologist that specializes in perinatal mental health. She is passionate about helping pregnant women and new mothers feel supported and prepared for the transition into motherhood. She lives in Atlanta, GA and has three young children and lots of pets! She has a virtual practice where she provides both individual and couples therapy. She is a member of PSYPACT, which allows her to see clients virtually in more than 33 states.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Things are possible. The impossible can be possible." - Sarah Paulson

Dr. Jessica's Favorite Things and Resources:

Get out of the funk and change your mood with music and movement! Find a fun playlist on Spotify and jam out to release the stress and anxiety. You can find a playlist to fit your mood by searching for words such as "de-stress", "uplifting" or "feel good". 

This is the first episode in my "The Honest Mom Project" chapter series where I will be reading excerpts from each of my 10 chapters in my NEW book that is available for presale. "The Honest Mom Project. Acknowledge Your Feelings. Break Free From Expectations. Build Your Beautiful Life as a Mother" officially arrives January 27, 2023!!!

I typically keep topics geared toward the new mom or toddler phase, but realized that a lot of my friends are already in the tween/teen stage with their kids and that this info could definitely be useful as my own daughter grows up. So glad I followed my gut!!

Elise Knox is a life and wellness coach and former middle school teacher who works with teens and moms. The #1 thing she sees with her coaching clients is moms who love their teens so much, YET feel at a loss for how to communicate, connect, and support them through their teen years. This phase of life can feel very isolating and alone for moms because women don’t want to share their struggles for fear of other people judging them or their teens requesting privacy. It can be quite overwhelming and often parents forget to take care of themselves and their own mental health along the way.

I'm currently in the "honeymoon" phase as Elise calls it, when our kids are between 5-10 years old and are more independent, but they haven't yet reached adolescence and we start to relax because things are going so well. As our kids grow up they start to dance that line of independence and needing us still, and it's so hard to give up some of that control.

Have a listen as Elise shares some great insights and also a few things we can do to look inward and be more aware how our past bad experiences start to influence how we go into a situation with our kids.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it." - Mae West

Favorite Things & Resources:

Happy 1-Year Anniversary to The Honest Mom Podcast! 

Thank you all for sticking with me and supporting me throughout 2022. I am beyond grateful to all the incredible guests, those that subscribed, listen when they can, recommend, share and talk about the podcast.  This week I talk about how heavy metal has kept me going and motivated me to get my book into your hands. Stay tuned throughout December as the book will be in print and e-book formats in January 2023! 

With Love and Honesty, Michelle 

We are often encouraged, whether it's through the media, cultural expectations or our own thinking that we have to "get our body back" quickly after having a baby. This may lead us to working out too soon and too hard, and often results in burnout. 

I'm so grateful for my conversation with Lisa Dienes, where we talked about the misunderstandings of our bodies and working out after the birth of a new baby, and more importantly how to gently ease back into fitness. One of the main themes presented by Lisa is to be kind to yourself and listen to what your body is telling you.

The truth is pregnancy changes your body, but that doesn't mean you still can't feel strong, comfortable and at home in your own body. If you're training too hard every day, it's going to take a toll on your body. Balance out the tough workouts with enough sleep, recovery time and moments in your day where you can relax and not feel stressed.

Lisa is a mother to three teenage daughters so she definitely knows the value of exercise and finding the time to be stress-free! Lisa is a 200-hour certified yoga instructor, NASM Certified Personal Trainer, ACE Certified Group Fitness Instructor and Certified Spin Instructor. You can find Lisa teaching outdoors, indoors and virtually through her studio. She focuses on helping her students build their strength from the inside out to stay committed to a healthy fitness-focused lifestyle.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Within you lies a power greater than what lies before you." -Rhonda Blake

Lisa's Favorite Things: 

Learning to support ourselves in our postpartum journey can be a struggle. Especially when we are battling the stigma that moms are being selfish for wanting (and needing!) more than to just be with our babies 24/7. We often try to do it 'all' and then feel like we have let someone down if we can't. 

There are many factors that can lead to this idea of disconnect from our feelings and our own needs, but ultimately we have to tune into our values and ask ourselves, "Who do I want to be?"

My guest today, Kelly Jacobson, grew up in a home where love was abundant. After the birth of her first child, Kelly's mom came and stayed for a week to help her adjust to motherhood. She knew that kind of support wasn't the case for all new moms so she wanted to be able to offer some support to other moms who needed it.

Kelly is not your typical therapist or group practice owner. Growing up Kelly never pictured herself as a therapist or even being a business owner. She knew she wanted to help people, and from a young age she knew she wanted to work with teens that needed extra support and direction, which then led her to work as a social worker in the school system for most of her professional career. But it wasn't until Kelly had two little kids of her own and was off on summer break that she realized she needed more as a mom and wanted to give back to other moms as well. Slowly but surely Kelly grew Stronger Therapeutic Counseling Services, supporting moms and teens that needed the support she was most fired up about.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "You can only go halfway into the darkest forest; then you are coming out the other side."

Time management and motherhood! It seems those two things will never be inclusive of the other. But that doesn't have to be the case.

Before starting her own business, Megan Sumrell worked for over 20 years in the software/IT space as a Quality Architect, creating systems and processes to turn chaos into harmony. And she was good at it! But once she became a mom everything she knew became foreign to her and her old way of doing things wasn't working. So that's when she started to treat herself like the companies she had helped over the past two decades. 

Megan has now left the corporate world and has created a signature time management framework system that helps women in all stages of life to manage their calendars, own their schedules, and bring more structure and freedom into their lives.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "By being yourself, you put something wonderful into the world that was not there before." - Edwin Elliot 

Connect with Megan in SO many ways:

After a traumatic birth experience, including an unplanned c-section, Cat Gieser struggled both physically and mentally after the birth of her first child. She found a lack of support for maternal wellness and when she confided in her OBGYN about her postpartum struggles she was simply dismissed and offered drugs without any thought to what else could be done. After her experience, Cat knew she wanted to help moms in her same situation. "It's a dark feeling and you shouldn't have to do it alone."

Cat Gieser is a pre and postpartum movement specialist and the founder of Mama Flow Studio - a virtual yoga and sculpt studio for postpartum moms. The studio is known as the "anti-bounce back" studio, encouraging moms to move with strength and nourishment instead of the pressure to bounce back. Cat is now a mother of two and is based in the San Francisco Bay Area.

I spoke with Cat about the lack of knowledge surrounding women's specific health issues and bodies. And how tabloids and social media are big promoters of the idea that women need to "bounce back" after a pregnancy.  Cat's goal as a health professional is to support moms and women in a way that helps release that expectation and pressure, and allows them to focus on life and just feel good every day.

There is so much that is required as a new mom, and by following Cat's 3 pillars for postpartum recovery, you can learn to listen to your body and do so in a healthy way. 

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Here's the thing you have to know: your uniqueness is your gift. The dreams you have are your gift to the world." - Shannon Kaiser

Connect with Cat here:

Sleep. It's one thing we can't do without (at least not gracefully) and the one thing that seems to elude us after becoming a parent. Thanks to people like Meredith Brough, there are solutions out there that can help restore sleep for both you and your baby.

Meredith is a mother of five and the owner of Sweet Slumber. After struggling to get her first child to sleep, Meredith knew she had to do things differently with her second. After raising her own kids, she transitioned everything she'd learned as a mom and became a full-time sleep coach for parents of babies and young children with sleep problems. In the last five years, Meredith has helped over 500 families reach their sleep goals using her tear-free methods. She also now trains other experts, runs an agency, hosts her own podcast - "The Sweet Slumber Podcast", and runs a large Facebook group for exhausted mothers.

Typical sleep training methods often include your baby "crying it out", but this one-size fits all approach doesn't take into account a child's specific needs. In today's episode, Meredith touches on the 5 different temperaments (she has a tear-free sleep method for each one!) and how to be aware of the non-verbal cues your baby is sending.

As new parents all we have in our arsenal is experimentation and responding to different things to see what works and what doesn't for our children. And just when we get one kid figured out, the next one comes with a completely new idea of what makes them feel secure. It gets confusing because we have so many messages coming at us telling us what we should do or should not do. In the end, YOU have the most influence on your child's development and Meredith encourages moms to lean into their natural intuition and instincts.

Homework assignment from Meredith: "Be in tune with your body throughout the day with your energy level and respond to it. If your eyes are heavy, sleep. Find your body's natural 'tired time' and see how much better you will feel!"

Find Meredith here:

Erin Quick is the Co-founder and Chief Executive Officer of PairTree, an app and website dedicated to making the adoption process easier for both expectant mothers and hopeful parents. As an adoptive mom of 2, she has first-hand experience with the challenges and emotions that surround adoption.

So much of the decisions surrounding birth moms and families wanting to adopt are rooted in sadness, with seasons of grief that come and go long after the adoption is finalized. At PairTree, birth moms have access to lifetime support and mental health resources whenever they need it. Another major part of PairTree's mission is all about supporting families without the huge fees that are typical when working with adoption agencies. 

Are you a prospective family looking to adopt and wondering if it's right for your family? Education is key when considering adoption and PairTree also provides plenty of resources to help you on your adoption journey. 

I loved having this conversation with Erin! I learned so much about the adoption process in general, and especially about the unique matching process PairTree utilizes to make sure that the birth mom feels as confident in her decision as possible.

Do you feel a pull to be both a mother and pursue outside interests? Maybe it's starting a business. Maybe it's working for someone else outside the home. Maybe being a full-time SAHM is exactly where you want to be, but you want to carve out some time for your personal interests and hobbies so you don't lose yourself in motherhood. 

In today's episode, I spoke with Camille Walker. Camille is the epitome of a mom who has pursued her passions. Through blogging, doing her podcast, and creating some wonderful products to help out busy families, she has created a 6-figure income business all while raising her 4 kids.

You can be a fantastic mom and still pursue your passions. It doesn't have to be either/or, and it doesn't have to be black and white. You may not even know what that path looks like for you, but adding that you're a mom AND...(you feel in the blank)...can lead to some amazing things.

Once upon a time I made a vow to myself that I would never live anywhere other than the great city of Chicago. I LOVED Chicago! I planned to live in the city forever, raise my kids there, and never, ever leave. Well, "never say never" because life has a funny way of making us eat our words.

What was it about the suburbs that had me leaving the city kicking and screaming? What was it about what the city symbolized in regard to my identity vs what the suburbs symbolized for my future? I had certain assumptions about what life would look like and how that would reflect on my identity, and it was a challenge at first to embrace my new surroundings. The identity crisis was real! But I was in good company - even Carrie Bradshaw struggled with just getting a new area code when she lost her phone even though she still lived in New York City!

We all seem to think that we are letting go of something and that the city is a part of us. And maybe it is, but it's not who we really are. That doesn't change. And even though it took me some time to adjust I'm happy to report that I'm thriving. Yes, even in the suburbs! And because I don't want you to wait as long as I did to embrace your surroundings, I've included three pieces of advice on enjoying where you live.

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave and grow old wanting to get back to." -John Ed Pierce

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Attitude is everything." -Diane von Furstenberg

"MOMMY NEEDS WINE!", "Mommy Juice", "It Takes a Village, and a Vineyard", "Time to Wine Down". 

We've heard the term "She gives zero F's" like it's so easy. It's not. That's why women write books like this. I'm here to introduce you to Gianna Biscontini. She's a Behavioral Analyst. A Scientist. She also brings strong coaching skills to women, like you, who are tired of the limitations that you may not even be aware of. In her new book, Fuckless. A Guide to Wild, Unencumbered Freedom, she will guide you through the process of liberating yourself from the top 10 limitations (AKA Fucks) that we can give the middle finger to. 

Just a few Fucks that Gianna takes you through: 1) Be Small. 2) Be Soft. 3) Be Less 4) Be Stifled. 5) Be Everything. That last one got to me. There are 5 more and you will be nodding your head and turning pages to figure out how to work with these Fucks and finally say goodbye. You deserve to be connected to what YOU want. What YOU need. YOUR voice. YOUR feelings. YOUR values. Sticking up for what YOU deserve. Fighting through the fear to do all this. Gianna also has an audiobook version where I encourage you to download her incredible voice that instantly makes you feel important. 

Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoy this episode and feel comfortable letting me and Gianna know what you think. What help you may need. What really impacted you or surprised you. Share this episode with your best friend and let's find our freedom.

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "There is only one you. And you are important." -Chuck Sindoll

Find Gianna on Instagram: @giannabiscontini

You sit in your bed at 4am, propped up by pillows, baby sucking your last bit of energy out of you, and as you gaze to your right you spot it. No, it's not a spider. It's not an unidentified brown stain on the sheets. It's your partner. Sleeping. It's then 8am and your partner grabs their bag, their Starbucks card for their glorious drive thru order, and smooches you on the cheek with a "HAVE A GOOD DAY!" that makes your blood curdle. Why do they get to be with grown ups today? Where's my Starbucks and drive without a screaming baby? They come home, in a great mood, ready to party with your child and you cannot wait to hand them off and just run away. Then comes the clock striking 10pm where they proclaim "Welp! I'm headed up for bed!" and your night is just beginning. The house is a mess, and you aren't asking for help. But why should you? Can't they SEE the dishes piled up or the laundry that is spilling out of the hamper? Is it too much to observe that you're DROWNING and to say, "Honey, I've got dinner tonight, and the dishes, and the laundry. Why don't you rest?"

By now you are realizing that the mind-reading, silent treatment, passive-aggressive games your mom played aren't working for you either. So why are we fighting GREAT communication with our partner so we can actually GET what we want and need? Do we see it as a sign of weakness? That if our partner loved us ENOUGH that they would actually be aware of what is going on? Because that's what WE do, right? I'm tellin' ya ladies, it DOESN'T WORK. What does? Take a listen to today's episode and you will see!!! I'm here to introduce you to to the incredible Chelsea Skaggs.

Chelsea is a Certified Professional Life Coach, Intimacy Expert, and Communication Trainer for parents. She helps you go from WTF?! to "I effin' got this!" in your relationship by giving you the tools to improve your confidence, your connection and your communication. Chelsea keeps it real with her relatable and raw voice and honest connection to the feelings we have as mothers. She has been featured in "Her View From Home", "Motherly", "Scary Mommy", "Today's Parent", "Psychology Today", as well as radio and podcasts. 

Mom Card Drawing of the Week: "Never postpone joy." -Unknown