Understand Suicide

Next Monday, June 5th I will be offering a free online course on how to help a suicidal person from 9 am to 12 pm, Pacific Time.

This course is being offered by the Department of Human Services, DHS of the State of Oregon. To register, click on the link below:

Alexandra Wyman lost her husband to suicide in August of 2020 and like many of us, she was numbed, in shock, then she was filled with questions. Now, almost three years later, she has found some answers, which she shares in her book "The Suicide Club: What to Do When Someone You Love Chooses Death.” 

In this interview, she talks about her journey, what helped her, and what got in the way, and she offers a road back to peace and joy for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide. The book shows a way forward through any anger, blame, or judgment, toward acceptance and peace.

Find the book:

Dr. Laura Shannonhouse, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor at Georgia State University. In this interview, we talk about the results from her latest research regarding suicide among older adults.   She wanted to know if a small dose of sincere connection would improve mental health outcomes in this population and the findings are shared with us in this conversation.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week. Every day, I will be posting one or more episodes on topics related to suicide prevention and postvention.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Leeann Sherman is the president of the American Association of Suicide Prevention, AAS. In this interview, we discuss the role of AAS in the field of Suicidology, her personal involvement in this area, how we’ve evolved in terms of stigma and empirical knowledge, and much more.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week. Every day, I will be posting one or more episodes on topics related to suicide prevention and postvention.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Sarah Gaer is a loss survivor and advocate who works with the concept of soul exhaustion. Her keynote today was a "wow" moment for me because it gave language to something most of us feel but have no way to describe. I'm sure many of you will feel similar when you hear what she has to say.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week.

I will be posting daily interviews so come back tomorrow for more.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Dr. Robert Canning is a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating suicidal patients. In this interview, he talks about the skills we clinicians need to learn in order to assess and treat this population. This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week.

I will be posting daily interviews and tomorrow, I will attend the Healing after Suicide Loss Summit.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

This week, the American Association of Suicidology will hold its annual conference in Portland and I will be posting daily interviews, so come back every day because I will be talking about many topics of interest to you.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Marie lost her husband, Joe, in June 2020. They had been together for thirty years and were also business partners, so as you may imagine, after his death, she had to pick up the pieces of her life.

In this episode, she shares her journey, including the family secret he kept from her for years and its impact on his mental health. “He could not come to terms with what his memory was revealing to him in bits and pieces. In the last month of his life, especially, he was sure to tell me every day how beautiful I was, how much he loved me, how sorry he was that he hadn’t spent our whole marriage telling me these things daily,” she says

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This interview was given to Georgena Grace, CEO of the Integrated Wellbeing Institute. Georgena knows suicide from a personal perspective: she lost both her brother and son to suicide. She currently works with grief patients and trains mental health professionals.

Find the Integrated Wellbeing Institute:

https://integratedwellbeinginstitute.com/

Watch this interview on Georgina’s YouTube channel:

When Dr. Aruna Tummala, MD, came to the United States, she quickly learned that being a doctor here meant something quite different from her experience in India, her country of origin. One of the first things she was told at the University was never to touch her patients, which was quite shocking to her. She looks at the patient in a holistic manner and avoids conventional medication, particularly when the patient comes in with psychiatric issues.

In this interview, Dr. Tummala shares her wisdom and approach to medicine. One of the things she said was that the three root causes of any disease are: a bad diet, trauma (physical and mental), and toxins. That is where she focuses her attention. According to Dr. Tummala, only 1% to 2% of her patients take psychotropic medication.

Dr. Tummala is a board-certified adult and geriatric psychiatrist and founder of Trinergy Health in New Berlin, Wisconsin. She is also board certified in Integrative and Holistic Medicine (by the Academy of Integrative Health & Medicine) and has received training in Functional Medicine and Ayurveda, the oldest medical system in the world.

Inspired by the realization that conventional psychiatry has become a linear, medication-dependent, symptoms-based model with little to offer the millions of people struggling with mental illness, Dr. Tummala turned to Integrative Psychiatry, fully embracing its patient-centered, collaborative care approach.

Watch this interview on my YouTube channel:

https://bit.ly/3Jy8DPG

Find Dr. Tummala Aruna:

In this episode, I talk to Stacey Freedenthal, who just came out with a wonderful new book entitled "Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do.” I’m sure this will be tremendously helpful to those who have loved ones struggling with suicidal thoughts and ideation.

Watch this interview on my YouTube Channel:

In this conversation, Dr. Doreen Marshal, Ph.D., vice President of Mission Engagement at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, talks about how to avoid - or at least diminish - stress during the holiday season. Doreen has a Doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Georgia State University and a master’s degree in Professional Counseling.

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In this episode, Army Major General, Mark Graham talks to us about the loss of his two sons, Jeffrey and Kevin, one of them being of suicide. He tells us how his family dealt with the shock and pain brought up by Kevin’s suicide, how it affected each member of the family, and how they came together to heal from the compounded grief of losing both kids within a short period of one year.

He also shares with us the beautiful work he does as a director of Vets4Warriors, a peer-to-peer support network for veterans and their families. Mark and his wife Carol have become mental health advocates; they want to make sure that their losses can be transformed into vessel of hope.

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When Lisa Klein was 18 years old, she had already lost her father and brother to suicide, and as it often happens, she felt that their deaths had to be related to who she was: “My thought was that it was a reflection on me, that I wasn’t good enough” she says. Her family shut down, suicide was not discussed. “We couldn’t talk about it and I had so many questions.”

Years later, she started talking to loss survivors with the intent of producing a film about it. During the interviews, Lisa got in touch with people who had attempted suicide and decided that sharing their stories would be more beneficial. “I wanted to talk to people about being on the edge and what brought them back.” The result is a great documentary called “The S Word.”

In this interview, the film director Lisa Klein shares some of the beautiful stories portrayed in the film and how it helped her understand her brother and father’s suicide.

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When her son CJ took his life at the age of 20, Hallie was numb, confused, and full of guilt. One day, she had an idea: Hallie put out an open call on Facebook asking people to help fulfill her son's wish to see the world by scattering some of his ashes in a place of beauty or special meaning.

Her initiative touched the hearts of tens of thousands of people all over the world. To this day, over one thousand volunteers have taken CJ to over one hundred countries and out of space. While crisscrossing the globe, his ashes and his family’s story have given rise to a social media phenomenon — a worldwide community — that has congregated in solidarity and empathy in dealing with a still heavily stigmatized and misunderstood form of mental illness.

In this interview, you will get to know CJ's story and hear about the overwhelming response Hallie received, which became the documentary “Scattering CJ.” The documentary has just been released on Public Broadcasting Service (PBS).

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The bestseller author Terri Cheney has struggled with bipolar disorder since childhood. In this amazing interview, she talks about decades of multiple misdiagnoses, which took a toll on her life and stopped her from receiving proper treatment, and her suicide attempts.

One of the things I love about this conversation was her openness to sharing not only her grounded knowledge of the disease but also how destructive it has been on her relationships.

For those who have to live through the challenges of bipolar disorder, Terri gives helpful tips on how to keep themselves safe when the disease is shouting “just do it.” The other interesting aspect of this interview is her ability to cross the road to the other side of bipolar disease and compassionately relate to the people who are in relationships with someone who has the condition.

Some of the questions she answers are:

What is the difference between hypomania and mania?

What about bipolar one and two?

Why are bipolar patients so often misdiagnosed with depression?

Terry has been through it all but today she has found ways to live a full life. Better yet, she has decided to join us in the fight against the stigma that comes with mental illnesses.

“Being able to put a name on my cluster of symptoms was such a turning point in my life because the first time in my life I didn’t feel guilty about my rather extreme thoughts and behavior. It also allowed me to get the kind of treatment I needed.”

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Nikolaj Høier is a researcher at The Danish Research Institute for Suicide Prevention (DRISP) in Copenhagen and at The Chronopsychiatry Research Group at The University of Edinburgh. His study looked at the association between sleep disorders and the risk for suicide.

In this interview, Nikolaj talks about the impact of sleep deprivation on mental health, the risks involved with medication, how sleep helps regulate your whole body and brain, how it impacts your mood and relationships, and he also gives us practical tips on improving sleep.

The researcher gives us an overview of his research findings, which included over seven million people living in Denmark during 1980 and 2016.

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In this interview, we discuss the many challenges couples face when dealing with this kind of loss. After the suicide of their son, Chris, in 2020, Kellie and her husband had to retrace their path forward. Through her story, she gives precious tips on how to work on the relationship and ways that help keep the family together after a tragic loss.

Kellie is the author of the recently published novel, “Mount Hope,” which she describes as her ‘love letter to the LGBTQ+ community.’ 

Linda’s son, Mike, died of suicide in 2012 after years of struggling with addiction. As it’s often the case, his painful path affected the whole family, particularly the way they related to one another. Together, the family had to find a way to support Mike but also keep themselves healthy:

"Ultimately, we came to understand that this was Mike’s problem and he needed to learn how to manage it. We identified what was our responsibility and what was his. I came away with one outstanding insight: I was just as “addicted” to Mike as he was to heroin. We came to understand it is a family disease because everyone in the family is affected by it.”

Linda wrote about the family’s journey. Her book, “Dear Heroin: a memoir of goodness,” can be found here:

A few weeks ago, Thea contacted me asking to share her story: she had just lost her father to suicide and wanted to help families navigate this painful experience. Careful not to re-traumatize her, we agreed that it would be best if her mother participated because I wanted to add an extra layer of safety and protection for her.

In this interview, mother and daughter talk about their different journeys and how they have been able to face this unfathomable pain as a family. This conversation is an invaluable testament to love: love for each other, for Brian’s memory, and for his life. If your family is going through suicide loss, I’m sure that Jeanne and Thea will help you find answers on how to move forward.

After coming back from deployment to Iraq, Aaron Quinonez struggled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, but felt unsupported by the Veterans Administration. One of the questions he would ask himself was “Who am I now past this trauma? I had to understand that the person I was before didn’t exist anymore,” he shared.

At the height of his helplessness, the thought of suicide crossed his mind, but something unexpected happened on the day he planned to take his life. Sitting in the car, he would watch kids playing in the playground and kept waiting for them to leave: “I didn’t want to inflict trauma on them,” but then, he fell asleep, and when he woke up, everything had changed.

His interview is a beautiful example of resilience, compassion, and a reminder that there is always a chance to turn one’s life around. Today, Sgt Q helps veterans heal through the QMissions program, which shows “veterans how to replace the battle scars of their minds with the joy of serving.”

His book “Healing thru Service” offers a candid look into Sgt Q’s journey, ways to create positive triggers, and a step-by-step award-winning process of healing through mission service.

Whenever we discuss gun violence in the United States, the conversation usually revolves around homicide, but here is a side of this important topic that goes untouched: 60% of deaths by guns are actually suicide, not homicide. Again, we chose to ignore the majority due to the stigma associated with it.

In this episode, I talk to Linda Cavazos and Andrew Rose; both lost loved ones to suicide by firearm. They are part of those who are kept hidden when we explore the topic of gun violence. Linda lost her younger brother, Louie Pacheco, in 1980. He was 27 years old. Andrew lost his older brother, Ben, in October of 2013.

By talking to them, my goal is to give voice to the thousands of people who die by gun suicide around the world and to the families that stay behind.

My guests came to the podcast through the organization Everytown for gun safety: a movement of moms, dads, students, survivors, educators, gun owners, and concerned citizens working together to fight for public safety measures that can protect people from gun violence.

Two years after the loss of her husband to suicide, the award-winning journalist, Lori Prichard says she still experiences confusion; At times, life feels overwhelming. In this honest interview, she tells us about Travis, his gentleness and generosity, as well as his history of depression, which had never been shared with her. “He wouldn’t let me in,” she says.

Days after his death, Lori found a journal kept by Travis. His lines revealed a tortured soul who used to write that he had a “bully in his brain” and who struggled, in silence, to search for meaning and purpose so that he would stay alive.

Our conversation reveals a compassionate woman who chooses to come forward so that she can help others start the painful, difficult conversation about suicidal ideation with their loved ones.

Despite the sharp rise of mental health issues and many other risk factors during the onset of COVID-19, the number of suicides in the United States decreased in 2020. Not only that but the most significant drop (14%) happened in April of 2020 when most of the country was in lockdown.

In an effort to understand this phenomenon, I invited two American leading suicide prevention experts: clinical psychologist John Sommers-Flanagan and the clinical social worker Stacey Freedenthal. Both of them are authors in the field of Suicidology and have been working with suicidal patients for decades. They are also professors: John teaches at the University of Montana and Stacey, at the University of Denver.

These and many other questions are discussed in this episode.

Georgena Eggleston lost her son and her brother to suicide. In this episode, she shares what has helped her cope with these unthinkable losses, and what she has learned over the years by being a grief therapist. Today, Georgena works with both suicide bereavement groups and individuals who are struggling to deal with this kind of loss. She is the author of the book “A new morning: discovering the gifts in grief,” in which she tells the story of her son’s life, her understanding of what happened, and her grief trajectory. 

Despite his traumatic, abusive childhood, which left him with a constant sense of brokenness, Kellen Fluckiger worked hard to have ‘everything’ a person needs: a wife, kids, a successful career, and of course, a lot of money.

One day, at home, alone, after yet another failed relationship, he decided to watch TV, which was quite unusual for him. He realized that, although he had the most expensive TV one could buy, Kellan had no idea how to turn it on. After his daughter showed him how to do it, he came across a show called “Intervention.” The protagonist was a high-ranking executive with a cocaine problem. “That’s crap,” he thought, then turned it off.

A few hours later, he felt compelled to turn on the TV again, and there it was, the same show, the same executive, the same sad drama. This time, he sat down and watched it.

That was the first of a series of inexplicable events that sent Kellan into a personal crisis that made him re-evaluate his life. The high-ranking executive story had hit a cord. This is part of what you will hear in this interview. In a way, it sounds like what happens to many people out there who spend their lives fighting depression, trauma, and addiction. They build families, put on a mask of success, but live miserably inside with suicidal thoughts, always on the verge of a breakdown.

Today, Kellan tries to help others find purpose and meaning in life. He still has the big TV, still doesn’t watch it much, but the reason now is that he is out there bringing his message across to those who need to hear it.

This episode was created to answer the many questions I received from my listeners about the practice of mindfulness. I deeply believe in the power of being truly present as a way to achieve spiritual balance, internal peace, and as a valuable tool to improve relationships, so I decided to dedicate an episode to this topic.

In this episode, you will learn about the 9 pillars of mindfulness, what this practice can bring to your life, how it can transform the way you relate to self and others, and at the end, I will give you ten examples of mindfulness practices you can incorporate to your daily routine.

Is self-harm a risk factor or even a suicide warning sign? Is it related to addiction? What’s the best way to help a person who self harms? These and other questions are answered in this interview by the clinical psychologist and published author Juliana Falcão, who specializes in treating self-harm, particularly teenagers.

Her insightful overview about this topic includes an evaluation of the impact of the Internet on this phenomenon, tips to parents on how to address the issue with their kids, and the different meanings that self-harm holds to those who resort to self-injurious behaviors.

For those who are interested in knowing more about self-harm, Juliana recommends these books:

John Siddique is a British author and poet who found answers to existential questions in spirituality. For quite some time, he struggled with self-doubt, negativity, and unhealthy relationships, but he would constantly hit a wall.

John wanted to understand himself: “I didn’t know how to love or how to live this life,” he told me. “I was living through certain objects (work, relationships). We try to move into those things to find meaning and not one of them has sufficient meaning in them.” Then, his path was lit by spiritual awareness, a journey within himself, or “back home,” as he says.

In this interview, John tells us about his discoveries, including his lived experiences with suicide. One of the topics we explored was the different meanings of suicide, which was quite enlightening to me.

On our last episode of the Suicide Awareness Month series, I interview Aaron Wanserski, host of the podcast Center for Suicide Awareness. This US-based organization is dedicated to preventing suicide through proactive education, training, emotional support, collaboration, and intervention.

In this interview, Aaron shares his personal story of suicidal ideation and how leaving his job as a police officer sent him on a different path. At the time, he knew little about mental illness, but with the support of his wife, he decided to change his life around.

Today’s interview is the second in the Suicide Prevention Awareness Month series, an initiative that aims to offer additional resources to my listeners. My guest, Christopher Parker, is a suicide attempt survivor who hosts the podcast Coffee over suicide, which he describes as “a dramedy podcast about mental illness and choosing life over death one cup of coffee at a time.” 

Chris is a remarkable person who advocates for mental health and brings this difficult conversation into people’s homes with his podcast. In this interview, I felt touched by how genuine and caring he was. With a contagious smile, he shared some of his story and the different path he’s found to deal with personal struggles. His underlying message is one of hope, which is what I always want to bring to my listeners. 

Dr. Srikumar Rao is a speaker, author, former business school professor and the creator of Creativity and Personal Mastery, a course designed to effect personal transformation.

Through beautiful stories, Dr. Rao brings awareness to the negative internal talk we many times nourish in ourselves. “It's a self-reinforcing loop: the more you think about it, the deeper it becomes,” he says. The mental chatter influences how we relate, how we feel our experiences, and most importantly, how we create our reality.

He also sheds light into what he calls our “mental models,” our deep-rooted beliefs about how the world works.

So, how can we break these patterns and build a more meaningful, intentional life? That’s what we talk about in this interview.

When Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner was told, twenty five years ago, that he needed to call home, he knew it was bad news, but what he didn’t expect was that later that day, his parents would answer the phone together so that they could tell him that his older brother, Gabriel, who was 36 years old at the time, had died by suicide. What he also didn’t know, because we never do, is that Gabriel’s devastating death would change their lives forever. 

In this interview, Rabbi Kirshner talks about how each member of his family reacted to Gabriel’s death, and how he, as a religious leader, engaged in advocacy so that he could personally open a constructive conversation about mental health and self-inflicted death. When he became the Rabbi of the Temple Emanu-El of Closter, in New Jersey, his opening sermon was about his brother’s suicide because he wanted his congregation to feel that they could come to him and talk about their struggles. 

He also opened up about the fact that, when Gabriel was a child, he had been sexually abused by a Rabbi, which impacted him immensely. Much to my surprise (and limited knowledge about Judaism), Rabbi Kirshner shared that Judaism has evolved from the all-or-nothing condemnation of suicide to a place of understanding.“Today, all the major streams of Judaism - not the extremes -, there is a sense of compassion, empathy, and understanding not only for the victims of suicide but for the survivors and family members,” he said. 

This has been quite an enlightening interview and it’s part of my efforts to bring religious and spiritual leaders to the podcast so that we can learn about these communities and the way they view suicide. 

Most of us have felt stuck at some point in our lives. This interview with Dave Evans will help you move forward. Together with Bill Burnett, he wrote the book “Designing your life: how to build a well-lived, joyful life.” They also founded the Stanford Life Design Lab, where they teach one of the most popular classes there.

Dave also knows about suicide loss. At the age of nine, he lost his father to suicide. He was only 49 years old at the time. Decades later, in a painful search for his own identity, Dave found himself rebuilding the gaps in his father’s storyline. “You can’t know who you are if you don’t know whom you came from,” he says.

In this interview, Dave talks about the many ways we can reframe our life situation so that we can free ourselves of what the authors call “dysfunctional beliefs,” myths that prevent us from designing the life we envision for ourselves.

For those who struggle with suicidal ideation, these dysfunctional beliefs could be something like “there is no other way out,” or “I’m not good enough.”

Dave also addresses suicide grief and the places where families get stuck after loss, which can be, for example, by feeling guilty or feeling engulfed by the “what ifs” that often come after the death of a loved one by suicide.

This interview is profound and illuminating. It is helpful to all of us.

As you know, I created this podcast to prevent suicide and provide comfort for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. 

I am planning the next six months of interviews and knowing your needs would help me immensely, so please click on the link below and fill out a quick form which will take you less than a minute to finish. The questions will let me know the topics that are of interest to you. 

As for most of us in Western cultures, dreams used to mean nothing to Dr. Joshua Black, but that completely changed after the death of his father. At the time, he remembers feeling numb, his life’s colors had disappeared. One day, after a peaceful dream with his dad, “the color was back,” he says, and, as if by magic, he could suddenly function again. Even though it was helpful to him then, he still had no idea that that specific dream would transform and guide his life.

Today, Dr. Joshua Black, a PhD in psychology, dedicates his research to grief dreams and their impact on those who are left behind. In this interview, he shares some of the findings with us and helps us answer some of the common questions surrounding dreams: do we all dream? Why some of us can’t remember them? Do they have a function? Is there a way to trick our minds into dreaming more often or even changing their narrative?

What about suicide dreams? Are they different? What do they say about our loss?

The first time Bill Clemo realized that he needed to look into his mental health was right after he started college. At the time, he thought that his sleep deprivation was temporary, so were the mood swings, but after a suicide attempt, it became clear that he needed help.

It has been over thirty years since he started treatment for bipolar disorder but the decision to openly talk about it did not come easily to him. Today, he leads a group that helps others share their experience with mental illness. At work and within his group of friends, everybody knows about his condition, which according to him, is quite helpful because they help monitor his symptoms and behavior. He is also a leader of the Stability Network, an organization that aims to break the stigma surrounding mental illnesses.

To know more about this initiative, visit:

Joanna has a history of painful losses, including her brother and two successive suicides of both her mother and father. In this interview, she talks about how each member of her family grieved these losses, her struggle with mental illness and suicidal thoughts, and what has helped her along the way. She also explores the impact of racism in her life.

She is part of the Stability Network, an organization that fights the stigma associated with mental illness.

To know more about this initiative, visit:

Jess Fritz had her first mental health diagnosis at the age of twelve, after being sexually abused. Since then, the labels that have been attached to her identity include bipolar affective disorder, borderline personality disorder, complex PTSD, and substance use disorder.   As a young woman, she had no hope of having a normal life. “I was raised to believe that I was sick and recovery was not possible. I had big dreams and they looked me in the face and told me I wouldn’t become anything in my life. I was continually told that I belonged contained and locked away from society,” she said.  

After a nearly fatal suicide attempt, Jess decided to make changes, which involved taking a hard look at the several medications she had been taking for years. In this interview, she shares with us the many treatments she tried, what worked, and what was detrimental to her health.  Despite what she heard all her life, today Jess is married and works as a therapist in the state of Washington. 

She is currently living prescription-free for the first time in her life.  "I finally saw a future and it looked really bright and I got really excited. Slowly the suicidal ideation disappeared and has not come back.”  Jess is part of the Stability Network, a global initiative that aims to open up honest conversations about mental health.   

Katrina Cable was 14 years old when her mother died by suicide, but her story goes beyond the pain caused by this kind of loss. At a young age, she had to deal with the death of her father, grandmother, and the rocky road that lied ahead. In this interview, she shares with us how all these losses affected her, the many times she thought she was undeserving of love, and her path to healing. 

One of the challenges she faced was to come to terms with the fact that her mother had her own issues and traumas, which didn’t stop her from loving her daughter. “I kept telling myself that she had chosen drugs over me, but now I see it differently,” she told me. I’m grateful for her reaching out and wanting to share her story with us. I hope she inspires my audience to find their own path through their pain. 

This episode is a continuation of the previous one, so if you didn’t listen to it, please do.

Mequell’s husband, Adam Buck talks about his side of their story: how he coped with her suicide attempt and all the changes they had to make so that the family could break free from an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the things he shared was a daily fear he had every time he left home. When driving off to work, he would think: “Will she make it?”

When referring to daily chores and work obligations, he feels that although he would say that the family was the most important thing in his life, it wasn’t until Mequell survived her suicide attempt that he realized he needed to change as well, otherwise, they wouldn’t make it. “I was tested to see if I would put her before all these other things, and I failed.”

This interview is valuable to all those who deal with mental illness among friends and family members.

Listen to their podcast, “Thriving with mental illness:”

https://anchor.fm/mequell-buck

You can watch this interview on my YouTube Channel "Understand Suicide"

Before her suicide attempt, Mequell Buck had always been a high achiever. Like so many other women, she juggled work, taking care of her kids, and being a wife, all of it trying to maintain the highest levels of perfection possible. But her life changed drastically when she woke up in the hospital and realized what had happened.

From that day on, she knew then that her priorities had to be reset and her future could not be focused on results and achievement anymore. Mequell learned to respect her own limitations, how to say “no,” the importance of managing expectations, and how to connect with her needs. Such a change had an impact on the whole family dynamics because everyone had to adapt. In this interview, she talks about the process of rebuilding their lives as a unit, and how this transition strengthened their relationships.

Next week, her husband Adam will talk to us about his experience through her suicide attempt and mental illness.

Listen to her podcast, “Thriving with mental illness:”

https://anchor.fm/mequell-buck

You can watch this interview on my YouTube Channel "Understand Suicide"

This has been one of the most inspirational stories I’ve come across since I started this podcast. For the first time, I invited two guests to participate: Shari and Jann Simmons. I listened to them a few months ago and decided that having them together would be a powerful experience for my audience.

Shari is a therapist who works with trauma and she does a beautiful job in explaining to us how our brains respond to painful experiences. Then, well, I guess you will have to listen to the episode because I want to avoid ruining the surprise.

The only thing I must say is that it’s one of the most moving examples of resilience I’ve ever heard and I feel privileged that they shared it with us.

Find Shari and Jann

When Jessica contacted me by email, she wrote that her life had been “engulfed by suicide.” First, it was her partner when their kid was a few days from turning two years of age. Then, eight years later, her father took his life and this happened only three months ago. Jessica contacted me because she wanted to share her story, a story that was put on hold because of the grief she couldn’t experience eight years ago. “I had to raise my son, to work, to go on with life,” she explained.

As it often happens with suicide loss survivors, she was blamed by others, and she internalized this guilt, which resulted in her punishing herself by getting into abusive relationships and substance use until she hit rock bottom. Today, she wants to help break the silence surrounding suicide because she knows how destructive it can be.

Thank you, Jessica, for helping break the stigma, and for trusting me to sit with you during such a painful time in your life.

Topher Jerome has struggled with suicide ideation most of his life and he has experienced multiple attempts. In this interview, he talks to us about the many times he thought he was done with life, including his life-long battle against substance use disorder. After the most serious of his attempts, when he was hospitalized and almost died, he promised his family it would be the last one.

Topher says that one of the ways he found towards healing was to use his lived experience to help others. He helped develop Jaspr Health, a platform that is now being used in hospitals and clinics around the United States. In our conversation, he shares some of its features, particularly the video testimonials that allow those who are in crisis to see that they are not alone in their pain.

People who struggle with chronic pain have a much higher risk of dying by suicide than the general population, and my guest, David Hall, knows about this personally. In 2007, he was run over by a driver who was talking on the phone. Since then, he has had dozens of surgeries, including spinal cord fusion and stimulator implants to manage the pain.

Because of one of the operations, he developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, CRPS, a rare disease, also known as “the suicide illness.” Having learned how to manage his own pain, David now coaches people who experience the same predicament; he has a podcast called “Striving to Thriving,” and he is now finishing a book with the same title.

In this interview, he gives us important tips on how to trick your brain so that it doesn’t focus so much on the pain, he explains why opioids don’t work for this kind of generalized pain and teaches techniques that will make a difference in the lives of those who related to this situation.

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Suicide disproportionately affects American Indian and Alaska Native populations, especially youth ages 15 to 34, so I wanted to address this topic with someone who has the experience and deep knowledge of indigenous people.

Eduardo Duran is precisely that. He is a psychologist and veteran of the US Navy and one of the first professionals to bring attention to soul wounding, also known as historical trauma.

In this interview, he teaches us how to address this population, especially when it comes to language. He also explores ways to apply different approaches when trying to help them. “We can’t use colonized thinking to fix the problem it has created,” he points out.

Eduardo is the author of a few books, including “Healing the soul wound,” which I highly recommend.

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We have reached episode #50, a milestone for all of us and I chose to address youth suicide because the rates have been rising worldwide - today it is the second leading cause of death in the 15-29 age group. I also have received messages from parents who have kids in crisis, some who have attempted suicide so I decided to provide them with practical tools on how to help.

My guest is Dr. Mark Goulston, an American psychiatrist with thirty years of experience treating suicidal patients, particularly youth. He was a UCLA professor of psychiatry for over 25 years and a former FBI and police hostage negotiation trainer. He has numerous published books and a podcast called “My Wake-up call.”

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Josephine Hallam is one of those good souls who tries to help others by sharing her story. She contacted me with the wish to give guidance to parents and therapists on how children process trauma. It is the first time she opens up about her pain. At the age of ten, she saw her father take his life, an event that according to her, defined who she was, from the profession she chose - Josephine is a criminal lawyer - to her outlook on life.

One of the things she says in this interview is that no matter how much adults try to protect kids by hiding the truth, kids will fill in the gaps with their own narratives. For her, this came in many ways. On the day of her father’s suicide, she was the only one at home. When the police came, little Josephine immediately believed that she would be arrested, that she was at fault. “From that day on, I was ‘that kid’ associated with something bad… I was the one with him and I should have stopped it,” she told me.

Josephine’s story is an example of resilience and goodness at heart. By sharing with us her painful experience, she rises above the trauma and the silence that suffocated her for over fifty years, and I feel honored that she chose to do it here, with you, on my podcast.

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We often think of processing trauma through talking but what happens when the trauma occurred before the child developed language? Is it possible to access it? How does it affect development, relationships, and future behavior? These were some of the questions answered by Suzanne Rutti, a therapist in Columbus, Ohio, specialized in pre-verbal trauma.

In this interview, she gave us tips on how pre-verbal trauma manifests in kids, things to watch out for, the impact it has on learning, common misdiagnosis related to this kind of trauma, and tools on how to help children heal. She also shared the different ways pre-verbal trauma affects relationships and self-image in adults.

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Briana and Michael’s story is an example of how empathy can break the barriers of judgment and fear. The couple had been exchanging messages on a dating app not knowing that both their lives had been touched by suicide: she had recently attempted and he had lost his wife a few years prior. We would think that as soon as they learned about their shared stories, it would be the end of it, but what happened was the opposite. I recommend listening to it until the end.

Briana contacted me through my website because the couple wanted to share their story so that others could maybe hear a different narrative that usually accompanies suicide, which is that it fosters loneliness and keeps people apart. I’m sure this episode will bring hope to many of my listeners.

Thank you both for trusting me to be the outlet of your great message of compassion and love.

If you want to watch this interview, visit my YouTube Channel "Understand Suicide."

Tara Lal is an Australian firefighter (British born), mental health speaker, and author of the beautifully written book “Standing on my Brother’s Shoulders,” which traces back the losses she has experienced in her life and the suicide of her brother Adam.  As a child, she had to come to terms with her father's debilitating mental illness and her mother's early death by cancer.  While all that was happening, her brother Adam was her anchor, the safe place where she could go to for support and love. 

Tragically, the family's losses and his internal struggles were too much for him; at the age of twenty, he took his life.  In this interview, Tara talks about her story, the process of writing the book, and her relationship with Adam. She also explores the many ways in which her struggles shaped her self-image and how she learned to become her true, authentic self.  

Malcolm Stern is a British psychotherapist who lost his daughter Melissa to suicide in 2014. He recently published his book "Slay your dragons with compassion: ," which tells the story of her loss and his process through grief. In this interview, he told me that it took him months until he shed his first tears, and only then did he start his healing path.

One of the things that helped him was to become selective about his relationship because he noticed that some people would avoid him.  "We are drawn to the places inside us that are not healed. Relationships have the capacity to bring us to healing in the places where there have been childhood wounds that have never been faced," he said.

Malcolm also explores the ways in which Melissa's suicide affected his family, particularly his connection with his two other kids, and gives us precious suggestions on how to face our grief.

Frank King is one of those perfect examples of the saying “don't judge by the cover.” For over twenty years, he wrote comedy for the Tonight Show, but while world audiences laughed at his jokes, he struggled with chronic suicidal ideation. No one knew of his pain.

In 2012, while talking to an older cousin about their great-aunt’s death, it was revealed to him that the story he knew about her, which was that she had died peacefully, was a lie. When told of the details of her suicide, all the memories came back to him at once. Right there and then, he remembered that, at the age of four, he had actually witnessed the suicide but had no recollection of it.

That revelation encouraged him to unveil other family secrets, as well as to open up about his own internal pain. He found out that mental illness is prevalent in his family, something that was kept a taboo, so Frank decided to break the silence. He came out during a TED Talk, and his decision has positively impacted his marriage and relationship with friends.

In this interview, he talks about how his determination to open up influenced his family, the reaction he often gets from his audiences, the importance of reaching out, and how liberating it is to be authentic about who he is. He also addresses the toxic culture of masculinity, which hinders men from getting in touch and processing their emotions. As a way to raise awareness regarding this issue, he recently published the book “Guts, Grit & The Grind: A MENtal Mechanics MANual: Advanced Mechanics in Preventative Maintenance.”

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I wanted the one-year anniversary episode to be a special one, so I reached out to a person I admire deeply for his work with people who are at risk for suicide. John Sommer-Flanagan is one of those individuals who can get anyone to open up and truly feel listened to. I came across his name when taking an online course for therapists on how to treat suicidal patients and developed immense respect for him. His soothing voice and demeanor touched my heart. I learned a lot and you will too. 

With more than thirty years of practice and many books published, John deeply understands psychological pain and how to address it. He became interested in suicide after losing a patient early in his career. The painful experience made him question his ability to help others. Thankfully, he turned it around, and instead of giving up, he learned with it and decided to keep treating this population. In this interview, John gives us valuable, practical examples of how to instill hope in a person who is contemplating suicide. This is no easy task because they are usually in such pain that seeing any other option is a struggle, or what he calls “black-and-black thinking.” 

Have you ever felt disconnected from the things that are important to you? This may be a strange question when thinking about suicide, but I assure you, it is central and should be assessed in different phases of our lives because when we are out of touch with what we believe in and from whom we want to be, life feels meaningless.

To talk about values, I invited the clinical psychologist Jenna LeJeune, author of the book “Values in Therapy: A Clinician’s Guide to Helping Clients Explore Values, Increase Psychological Flexibility, and Live a More Meaningful Life.” Jenna helps us look deeply into our lives in search of an authentic way of showing up, to reflect on whether or not we choose our paths, and to guide us back when we derail from a purposeful existence.

During our conversation, she carried out an exercise that involves seeing my body language and facial expression, so if you want to watch this interview, click on the link below:

For many years of her life, Shari felt like a misfit, which was quite confusing and hurtful for her because she could not understand where all that pain came from. She had a hard time building relationships, was haunted by self-doubt, and struggled with suicidal ideation. When she finally decided to explore her story, she sought treatment with a therapist, and what she found out was that she had repeatedly been sexually abused as a child.

Esly Carvalho is a Brazilian/American clinical psychologist with decades of experience treating trauma patients. Her specialty is the technique EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (she is a trainer of trainers).

In this interview, I wanted to invite my audience to reconsider some of their misconceptions about trauma because we tend to see it only as something that includes violence. This is true but it doesn’t give the full picture. Esly did a great job explaining what trauma is with many examples from her clinical work.

She also explored the many ways traumatic experiences impact many aspects of our life: our physical and mental health, the way we related to others, the fear it imprints in us, and some of the options out there for treatment. COVID-19 was also examined in our conversation.

This is part two of my interview with Tamara Webb, a professional counselor in Portland/OR who specializes in grief. In this episode, we focus on the impact of guilt, shame, and religion on suicide loss. I also pose myself as a client and ask her a few common questions regarding suicide grief: 

1. what to say when feels their loved one's death was their responsibility? 

2. How about when the last thing you said to him/her was harsh/rude?

Tamara Webb is a professional counselor who specializes in grief. Her approach to therapy is what caught my attention because she doesn't just focus on talking therapy. She presents herself as a holistic counselor, which means that  when clients come into her office, they will be assessed on what she calls the "five bodies common to the human experience: the physical, energetic, mental/emotional and narrative bodies and the body of the connected heart." 

In this interview, Tamara addresses how you can move toward healing by paying attention to what you eat and the importance of exercise: "The most powerful thing that we do in terms of any kind of medical treatment starts with what we eat. Health begins in the gut," she said.

We also talk about suicide grief, particularly when guilt, self-blame, and regrets are present. How blaming affects families was also explored.

American clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Steven Reisner is a human rights activist; this gives him a very unique perspective on how the mental health profession interacts with culture and society. I start this conversation by asking him whether or not he believes that COVID-19 will constitute a traumatic experience for most of us. Through a social justice lens, he argues that this will depend on our capacity to learn from it and society's ability to mobilize and demand change.

Another topic covered in this episode is loneliness. The pandemic has pushed the theme of loneliness to the forefront, but this trend has been present for a long time in our communities. We also discuss the current tendency of the mental health field to pathologize natural human responses to distress, which can be detrimental to the transformation of not only the individual but society as a whole.

American clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Steven Reisner has fought tirelessly to improve the ethics of his profession. During more than a decade, he denounced the participation of psychologists in designing programs of torture for the US government, which resulted in a shift in the policies of the American Psychological Association, APA. He is also critical of his colleagues for the way they often treat suicidal patients, which is the main topic of Part 1 of our conversation.

In this interview, Dr. Reisner talks about the increased fear of mental health professionals to manage suicidal clients, possible ways to approach these patients, and how the current pandemic has been mishandled in the US. 

Dr. Reisner has a private practice in New York but he is currently in France, where he decided to move due to the outbreak of COVID-19 in his hometown. 

Catherine is a victim of child sex abuse, and as it often happens with children, she grew up believing it was her fault. There were times when she tried to warn her parents about her contact with pornography but they often dismissed her claims. Later, as an adolescent, her internalized shame and distorted self-image - one that shouted ‘you are ugly, dirty, and chronically bad,’ - pushed her towards self-harming behavior. 

Being a pastor’s daughter, she felt that her family had to serve as an example of what it means to be Christian, which often meant keeping a façade of perfection and righteousness even in the face of pain. Her mother struggled with depression although this was never discussed at home. 

In this episode, Catherine shares her story publicly for the first time - including her suicide attempts. She talks about how she went from wanting to end it all, including a recent attempt after being sexually assaulted in 2018, to becoming a counselor who helps others process their traumas and find healing. What helped her? This is one of the questions I asked during the interview. 

Jonathan Singer is a clinical social worker, the president of the American Association of Suicidology, and co-author of the book “Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner’s Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention.” In this interview, he explains how schools can be ready to address suicide in a holistic and effective way. 

Jonathan Singer is a clinical social worker and the president of the American Association of Suicidology. In this interview, we discuss how the pandemic has impacted individuals, families, work relations, and communities. He talks about the challenges we all face to maintain a healthy routine, how mental health workers are dealing with the demand, the effect of losing social connection with others, and how to deal with anxiety and loneliness during the quarantine.

Dr. Singer is the co-author of the 2015 Routledge text “Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner’s Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention.” He is the founder and host of the award-winning podcast series, the Social Work Podcast.

Sally Spencer-Thomas is an award-winning speaker in mental health. After losing her brother Carson to suicide, in 2004, she focused her work as a psychologist to fighting the stigma surrounding suicide. 

In this interview, she tells her Carson's story, how it impacted her family, and how she dealt with her own mental illness, which was partially caused by the trauma of losing him.  Sally discusses how suicide affects first-responders, who often experience compassion fatigue, the importance of being open about our own struggles, and sends a powerful message to religious leaders regarding their approach to suicide.  

She has earned an international reputation as an entrepreneur and innovator in social change and has held leadership roles with the International Association of Suicide Prevention and the American Association of Suicidology. In 2016, she was invited to speak at the White House on men’s mental health.  

Her website https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/  

For more information on suicide, visit:  www.understandsuicide.com  

John Nieuwenburg is an award-winning business coach from Canada with a supportive family and wife, but this is only one side of his story. For years, he hid from everyone his feelings of hopelessness, until his depression took its toll and he attempted suicide.  

In this interview, John told me that when he looks back, it's hard for him to recognize the man from that past, particularly the person who attempted suicide. "The last 5 years have been the best in my life. Off the charts great!"   

He also talks about the shame he felt for not being happy despite everything he had accomplished, the impact his Ted Talk had on his career and personal life, and his dedication to breaking the silence surrounding mental illness and suicide.  

Psychologist Dr. Patrick Corrigan has struggled with mental illness all his life and has dedicated his profession to fighting the discrimination experienced by those with psychiatric conditions. In this eye-opening interview, I asked him what we can do to help society fight the stigma associated with mental illnesses, which leads so many people to suicide. He said that contrary to general belief, education is just a small step; sometimes, it can make matter worse. The most effective way is to connect with others who have lived experience with mental illness. 

Dr. Patrick has dedicated his life to understanding what works and the misconceptions we have when combatting stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination against the mentally ill.  

For the past 3 years, Norine Vanderhooven has been the Chair of the Youth Suicide Prevention Committee of the American Association of Suicidology. As a clinical social worker, she has vast experience in treating trauma and suicide-related issues.  

In this interview, she helps parents understand the main factors associated with youth suicide, identify signs, and take action to protect their kids.  

Suicide has a devastating impact on families, especially if blaming is present and the individual ways of grieving are not respected. In this conversation, I talk to my older sister Renata about the ways we see dad's suicide and our personal grieving processes. We go through some of the emotions both of us experienced (or not), such as sadness, anger, guilt, memory loss, and mental confusion, as well as the differences in our views. If you want to watch this interview, go to my Youtube channel "Understand Suicide." 

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Brian Goff is a Clinical Psychologist with a private practice in Portland, OR. In this interview, he talks about the natural responses we experience when grieving, particularly when the death is by suicide.  We discuss emotions, society's expectations of what is "healthy," what differentiates suicide grief from other types of death, and ways to go through it in a more compassionate manner.

Heidi Lindman has struggled with suicidal ideation since her teenage years, but she has found a compassionate way to deal with them. In this interview, we talk about when these thoughts first came up, their impact on her life, and how she has developed a relationship with them. Heidi says that her recurrent ideation has taught her how to recognize and welcome emotions. Today, she works as a therapist in Broomfield/CO, helping others find alternatives to suicide, as well as to reframe their suicidal thoughts.

Steve has lived a life of adversity. Some of the struggles he deals with on a daily basis would make most of us question the meaning of life, including being paralyzed from the neck down, having experienced a painful divorce, and bankruptcy. In this interview, we talk about the day he planned to take his life, and what made him change his mind. In his own words: "I have found ways to have freedom, calmness and ultimately peace of mind.  I love my life. By helping you to change your perspective, look at things differently and take control of your life I will give you the freedom and serenity back you deserve." 

We tend to believe that trauma is a "thing of the mind," but that is not true. Part of this experience is stored in the body, which should be incorporated into one's healing journey. In this interview, I talked to author Danielle Rousseau, who teaches at Boston University and works as a counselor, and a certified yoga teacher. She discusses the many ways in which trauma expresses itself in the body, how to treat it, and the benefits of adopting a holistic approach to trauma-informed care.

There are many misconceptions regarding the US Military, PTSD, and suicide. In this episode, Timothy Wienecke - who was in the Air Force for five years and now works as a counselor - talks about the struggles surrounding the military community, how they deal with mental health, myths that need to be combatted, and how to support this population. 

For the Veterans Crisis Line, call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, use the Veterans Crisis Line online chat, or send a text message to the Veterans Crisis Line at 838255.

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Losing someone to suicide is a traumatic event, and trauma can lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, but how can one know the difference? In this episode, therapist Casey VanHoutan explains how PTSD affects people, its symptoms, the various types of treatment available for patients, and how to address it without judgment in a society that tends to rush through trauma as a way to avoid pain.

Having a strong support system is a protective factor against suicide, so relationships are central to healing. In this interview, the award-winning journalist Peter Lovenheim, author of "The Attachment Effect" talks about how early childhood bonds shape the way we relate to others. For more on the author, visit www.peterlovenheim.com.

Knowing how to identify warning signs is the first step to save a life. In this episode, I give many examples of the verbal and non-verbal warning signs given by those who are contemplating self-inflicted death. After detailing them, I give suggestions on what can be done in case you believe a loved one is at risk for suicide, as well as the common mistakes that should be avoided so that such actions can lead to saving lives.

Marti Diaz Domm worked in the Oregon educational system for more than two decades. She describes how mental health issues are handled within the schools, the changes that need to be made so that educators are better prepared to deal with them, and she shares with us her own story involving a loss of a dear student by suicide.

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In this interview, we covered quite a range of topics. Cynthia Boyd asked me about youth suicide: its causes, the impact of social media, and why it has been rising in the United States. We also talked about warning signs and what to do if you know someone at risk for suicide, especially how to listen to them.

Cynthia’s podcast Our Collaboration Station is a space for people to connect and encourage one another to pursue their goals and obtain their peace in life. It can be found on Anchor.fm and Spotify.

Doree talks about her life with mental illness and how it led her to suicide attempts. In the midst of her struggle, she found people who were understanding of her condition and willing to help. Doree brings a message of hope to those who are at risk for suicide.

In this episode, Leslie Storm talks about grief counseling and support groups. She also shares the story of her own loss as a counselor, when one of her patients took her own life. 

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Leslie Storm knows suicide from both personal and professional viewpoints. After losing her husband to self-inflicted death, she became a grief counselor and a facilitator of suicide support groups in Portland, Oregon. In part one of this interview, she talks from the perspective of a survivor, highlighting the events that led to her husband's death to how friends and family reacted to it.

Dr. Rand Michael is a clergy person, a counselor, and was a professor for twenty-six years. In this interview, he talks about the importance of listening to someone's pain without judgment, regardless of one's religion or spiritual view on suicide.

In this episode, I tell the story of my father's suicide and how it affected my family.