Understand Suicide

Kristyna and Veronika Delmar are from the Czech Republic and they lost their mother to suicide a little over a year ago. In this interview, they share with us the different paths they took to live through their grief. 

Kristyna tried to “learn" everything she could about the topic by reading books and trying to get in touch with people who were going through the same kind of loss. Veronika was the one who found their mother, so this shock permeated her pain and it still does. She still tries to suppress her emotions and acknowledges that anger is still taking center stage.

This moving interview touches on a universal theme when it comes to suicide: how do families deal with each other’s grief journeys? Is it possible to respect and support each other through suicide loss? Their candid story shows us that nothing is more healing than love, compassion, and the understanding that when suicide happens, we are inherently bound by a shared loss.

Find my book "Understanding Suicide: Living with loss, paths to prevention:”

Among specialists, there has been a growing concern about suicidal ideation among long COVID patients. In this interview, Dr. Jim Jackson shares his experience with long COVID patients and the struggles they experience when searching for answers, recognition, and proper treatment.

Dr. Jim Jackson, PhD, is a neuropsychologist at Vanderbilt Medical Center and one of the world's leading authorities on the mental health effects of chronic illness. He is the author of the book "Clearing the Fog:  From Surviving to Thriving with Long Covid - A Practical Guide.” 

Find his book:

Dr. Laura Shannonhouse, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor at Georgia State University. In this interview, we talk about the results from her latest research regarding suicide among older adults.   She wanted to know if a small dose of sincere connection would improve mental health outcomes in this population and the findings are shared with us in this conversation.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week. Every day, I will be posting one or more episodes on topics related to suicide prevention and postvention.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Leeann Sherman is the president of the American Association of Suicide Prevention, AAS. In this interview, we discuss the role of AAS in the field of Suicidology, her personal involvement in this area, how we’ve evolved in terms of stigma and empirical knowledge, and much more.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week. Every day, I will be posting one or more episodes on topics related to suicide prevention and postvention.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Sarah Gaer is a loss survivor and advocate who works with the concept of soul exhaustion. Her keynote today was a "wow" moment for me because it gave language to something most of us feel but have no way to describe. I'm sure many of you will feel similar when you hear what she has to say.

This interview is part of a series that covers the American Association of Suicidology's conference, which is taking place in Portland, Oregon, throughout this week.

I will be posting daily interviews so come back tomorrow for more.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

This week, the American Association of Suicidology will hold its annual conference in Portland and I will be posting daily interviews, so come back every day because I will be talking about many topics of interest to you.

Check the agenda of the conference here:

Marie lost her husband, Joe, in June 2020. They had been together for thirty years and were also business partners, so as you may imagine, after his death, she had to pick up the pieces of her life.

In this episode, she shares her journey, including the family secret he kept from her for years and its impact on his mental health. “He could not come to terms with what his memory was revealing to him in bits and pieces. In the last month of his life, especially, he was sure to tell me every day how beautiful I was, how much he loved me, how sorry he was that he hadn’t spent our whole marriage telling me these things daily,” she says

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This interview was given to Georgena Grace, CEO of the Integrated Wellbeing Institute. Georgena knows suicide from a personal perspective: she lost both her brother and son to suicide. She currently works with grief patients and trains mental health professionals.

Find the Integrated Wellbeing Institute:

https://integratedwellbeinginstitute.com/

Watch this interview on Georgina’s YouTube channel:

In this episode, I talk to Stacey Freedenthal, who just came out with a wonderful new book entitled "Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do.” I’m sure this will be tremendously helpful to those who have loved ones struggling with suicidal thoughts and ideation.

Watch this interview on my YouTube Channel:

In this conversation, Dr. Doreen Marshal, Ph.D., vice President of Mission Engagement at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, talks about how to avoid - or at least diminish - stress during the holiday season. Doreen has a Doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Georgia State University and a master’s degree in Professional Counseling.

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In this episode, Army Major General, Mark Graham talks to us about the loss of his two sons, Jeffrey and Kevin, one of them being of suicide. He tells us how his family dealt with the shock and pain brought up by Kevin’s suicide, how it affected each member of the family, and how they came together to heal from the compounded grief of losing both kids within a short period of one year.

He also shares with us the beautiful work he does as a director of Vets4Warriors, a peer-to-peer support network for veterans and their families. Mark and his wife Carol have become mental health advocates; they want to make sure that their losses can be transformed into vessel of hope.

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When Lisa Klein was 18 years old, she had already lost her father and brother to suicide, and as it often happens, she felt that their deaths had to be related to who she was: “My thought was that it was a reflection on me, that I wasn’t good enough” she says. Her family shut down, suicide was not discussed. “We couldn’t talk about it and I had so many questions.”

Years later, she started talking to loss survivors with the intent of producing a film about it. During the interviews, Lisa got in touch with people who had attempted suicide and decided that sharing their stories would be more beneficial. “I wanted to talk to people about being on the edge and what brought them back.” The result is a great documentary called “The S Word.”

In this interview, the film director Lisa Klein shares some of the beautiful stories portrayed in the film and how it helped her understand her brother and father’s suicide.

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When her son CJ took his life at the age of 20, Hallie was numb, confused, and full of guilt. One day, she had an idea: Hallie put out an open call on Facebook asking people to help fulfill her son's wish to see the world by scattering some of his ashes in a place of beauty or special meaning.

Her initiative touched the hearts of tens of thousands of people all over the world. To this day, over one thousand volunteers have taken CJ to over one hundred countries and out of space. While crisscrossing the globe, his ashes and his family’s story have given rise to a social media phenomenon — a worldwide community — that has congregated in solidarity and empathy in dealing with a still heavily stigmatized and misunderstood form of mental illness.

In this interview, you will get to know CJ's story and hear about the overwhelming response Hallie received, which became the documentary “Scattering CJ.” The documentary has just been released on Public Broadcasting Service (PBS).

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The bestseller author Terri Cheney has struggled with bipolar disorder since childhood. In this amazing interview, she talks about decades of multiple misdiagnoses, which took a toll on her life and stopped her from receiving proper treatment, and her suicide attempts.

One of the things I love about this conversation was her openness to sharing not only her grounded knowledge of the disease but also how destructive it has been on her relationships.

For those who have to live through the challenges of bipolar disorder, Terri gives helpful tips on how to keep themselves safe when the disease is shouting “just do it.” The other interesting aspect of this interview is her ability to cross the road to the other side of bipolar disease and compassionately relate to the people who are in relationships with someone who has the condition.

Some of the questions she answers are:

What is the difference between hypomania and mania?

What about bipolar one and two?

Why are bipolar patients so often misdiagnosed with depression?

Terry has been through it all but today she has found ways to live a full life. Better yet, she has decided to join us in the fight against the stigma that comes with mental illnesses.

“Being able to put a name on my cluster of symptoms was such a turning point in my life because the first time in my life I didn’t feel guilty about my rather extreme thoughts and behavior. It also allowed me to get the kind of treatment I needed.”

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Nikolaj Høier is a researcher at The Danish Research Institute for Suicide Prevention (DRISP) in Copenhagen and at The Chronopsychiatry Research Group at The University of Edinburgh. His study looked at the association between sleep disorders and the risk for suicide.

In this interview, Nikolaj talks about the impact of sleep deprivation on mental health, the risks involved with medication, how sleep helps regulate your whole body and brain, how it impacts your mood and relationships, and he also gives us practical tips on improving sleep.

The researcher gives us an overview of his research findings, which included over seven million people living in Denmark during 1980 and 2016.

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In this interview, we discuss the many challenges couples face when dealing with this kind of loss. After the suicide of their son, Chris, in 2020, Kellie and her husband had to retrace their path forward. Through her story, she gives precious tips on how to work on the relationship and ways that help keep the family together after a tragic loss.

Kellie is the author of the recently published novel, “Mount Hope,” which she describes as her ‘love letter to the LGBTQ+ community.’ 

Linda’s son, Mike, died of suicide in 2012 after years of struggling with addiction. As it’s often the case, his painful path affected the whole family, particularly the way they related to one another. Together, the family had to find a way to support Mike but also keep themselves healthy:

"Ultimately, we came to understand that this was Mike’s problem and he needed to learn how to manage it. We identified what was our responsibility and what was his. I came away with one outstanding insight: I was just as “addicted” to Mike as he was to heroin. We came to understand it is a family disease because everyone in the family is affected by it.”

Linda wrote about the family’s journey. Her book, “Dear Heroin: a memoir of goodness,” can be found here:

A few weeks ago, Thea contacted me asking to share her story: she had just lost her father to suicide and wanted to help families navigate this painful experience. Careful not to re-traumatize her, we agreed that it would be best if her mother participated because I wanted to add an extra layer of safety and protection for her.

In this interview, mother and daughter talk about their different journeys and how they have been able to face this unfathomable pain as a family. This conversation is an invaluable testament to love: love for each other, for Brian’s memory, and for his life. If your family is going through suicide loss, I’m sure that Jeanne and Thea will help you find answers on how to move forward.

After coming back from deployment to Iraq, Aaron Quinonez struggled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, but felt unsupported by the Veterans Administration. One of the questions he would ask himself was “Who am I now past this trauma? I had to understand that the person I was before didn’t exist anymore,” he shared.

At the height of his helplessness, the thought of suicide crossed his mind, but something unexpected happened on the day he planned to take his life. Sitting in the car, he would watch kids playing in the playground and kept waiting for them to leave: “I didn’t want to inflict trauma on them,” but then, he fell asleep, and when he woke up, everything had changed.

His interview is a beautiful example of resilience, compassion, and a reminder that there is always a chance to turn one’s life around. Today, Sgt Q helps veterans heal through the QMissions program, which shows “veterans how to replace the battle scars of their minds with the joy of serving.”

His book “Healing thru Service” offers a candid look into Sgt Q’s journey, ways to create positive triggers, and a step-by-step award-winning process of healing through mission service.

Whenever we discuss gun violence in the United States, the conversation usually revolves around homicide, but here is a side of this important topic that goes untouched: 60% of deaths by guns are actually suicide, not homicide. Again, we chose to ignore the majority due to the stigma associated with it.

In this episode, I talk to Linda Cavazos and Andrew Rose; both lost loved ones to suicide by firearm. They are part of those who are kept hidden when we explore the topic of gun violence. Linda lost her younger brother, Louie Pacheco, in 1980. He was 27 years old. Andrew lost his older brother, Ben, in October of 2013.

By talking to them, my goal is to give voice to the thousands of people who die by gun suicide around the world and to the families that stay behind.

My guests came to the podcast through the organization Everytown for gun safety: a movement of moms, dads, students, survivors, educators, gun owners, and concerned citizens working together to fight for public safety measures that can protect people from gun violence.

Two years after the loss of her husband to suicide, the award-winning journalist, Lori Prichard says she still experiences confusion; At times, life feels overwhelming. In this honest interview, she tells us about Travis, his gentleness and generosity, as well as his history of depression, which had never been shared with her. “He wouldn’t let me in,” she says.

Days after his death, Lori found a journal kept by Travis. His lines revealed a tortured soul who used to write that he had a “bully in his brain” and who struggled, in silence, to search for meaning and purpose so that he would stay alive.

Our conversation reveals a compassionate woman who chooses to come forward so that she can help others start the painful, difficult conversation about suicidal ideation with their loved ones.

Despite the sharp rise of mental health issues and many other risk factors during the onset of COVID-19, the number of suicides in the United States decreased in 2020. Not only that but the most significant drop (14%) happened in April of 2020 when most of the country was in lockdown.

In an effort to understand this phenomenon, I invited two American leading suicide prevention experts: clinical psychologist John Sommers-Flanagan and the clinical social worker Stacey Freedenthal. Both of them are authors in the field of Suicidology and have been working with suicidal patients for decades. They are also professors: John teaches at the University of Montana and Stacey, at the University of Denver.

• What can possibly explain these puzzling numbers?
• Is this really surprising or does it follow a trend that had already started in 2019?
• What’s hidden behind the US statistics?

These and many other questions are discussed in this episode.

Georgena Eggleston lost her son and her brother to suicide. In this episode, she shares what has helped her cope with these unthinkable losses, and what she has learned over the years by being a grief therapist. Today, Georgena works with both suicide bereavement groups and individuals who are struggling to deal with this kind of loss. She is the author of the book “A new morning: discovering the gifts in grief,” in which she tells the story of her son’s life, her understanding of what happened, and her grief trajectory. 

Despite his traumatic, abusive childhood, which left him with a constant sense of brokenness, Kellen Fluckiger worked hard to have ‘everything’ a person needs: a wife, kids, a successful career, and of course, a lot of money.

One day, at home, alone, after yet another failed relationship, he decided to watch TV, which was quite unusual for him. He realized that, although he had the most expensive TV one could buy, Kellan had no idea how to turn it on. After his daughter showed him how to do it, he came across a show called “Intervention.” The protagonist was a high-ranking executive with a cocaine problem. “That’s crap,” he thought, then turned it off.

A few hours later, he felt compelled to turn on the TV again, and there it was, the same show, the same executive, the same sad drama. This time, he sat down and watched it.

That was the first of a series of inexplicable events that sent Kellan into a personal crisis that made him re-evaluate his life. The high-ranking executive story had hit a cord. This is part of what you will hear in this interview. In a way, it sounds like what happens to many people out there who spend their lives fighting depression, trauma, and addiction. They build families, put on a mask of success, but live miserably inside with suicidal thoughts, always on the verge of a breakdown.

Today, Kellan tries to help others find purpose and meaning in life. He still has the big TV, still doesn’t watch it much, but the reason now is that he is out there bringing his message across to those who need to hear it.

This episode was created to answer the many questions I received from my listeners about the practice of mindfulness. I deeply believe in the power of being truly present as a way to achieve spiritual balance, internal peace, and as a valuable tool to improve relationships, so I decided to dedicate an episode to this topic.

In this episode, you will learn about the 9 pillars of mindfulness, what this practice can bring to your life, how it can transform the way you relate to self and others, and at the end, I will give you ten examples of mindfulness practices you can incorporate to your daily routine.

Is self-harm a risk factor or even a suicide warning sign? Is it related to addiction? What’s the best way to help a person who self harms? These and other questions are answered in this interview by the clinical psychologist and published author Juliana Falcão, who specializes in treating self-harm, particularly teenagers.

Her insightful overview about this topic includes an evaluation of the impact of the Internet on this phenomenon, tips to parents on how to address the issue with their kids, and the different meanings that self-harm holds to those who resort to self-injurious behaviors.

For those who are interested in knowing more about self-harm, Juliana recommends these books:

1. A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain by Marilee Strong
2. Secret Scars: Uncovering and Understanding the Addiction of Self-injury by V.J. Turner
3. Cutting it Out: A Journey through Psychotherapy and Self-Harm by Carolyn Smith and Maggie Turp

John Siddique is a British author and poet who found answers to existential questions in spirituality. For quite some time, he struggled with self-doubt, negativity, and unhealthy relationships, but he would constantly hit a wall.

John wanted to understand himself: “I didn’t know how to love or how to live this life,” he told me. “I was living through certain objects (work, relationships). We try to move into those things to find meaning and not one of them has sufficient meaning in them.” Then, his path was lit by spiritual awareness, a journey within himself, or “back home,” as he says.

In this interview, John tells us about his discoveries, including his lived experiences with suicide. One of the topics we explored was the different meanings of suicide, which was quite enlightening to me.

On our last episode of the Suicide Awareness Month series, I interview Aaron Wanserski, host of the podcast Center for Suicide Awareness. This US-based organization is dedicated to preventing suicide through proactive education, training, emotional support, collaboration, and intervention.

In this interview, Aaron shares his personal story of suicidal ideation and how leaving his job as a police officer sent him on a different path. At the time, he knew little about mental illness, but with the support of his wife, he decided to change his life around.

Today’s interview is the second in the Suicide Prevention Awareness Month series, an initiative that aims to offer additional resources to my listeners. My guest, Christopher Parker, is a suicide attempt survivor who hosts the podcast Coffee over suicide, which he describes as “a dramedy podcast about mental illness and choosing life over death one cup of coffee at a time.” 

Chris is a remarkable person who advocates for mental health and brings this difficult conversation into people’s homes with his podcast. In this interview, I felt touched by how genuine and caring he was. With a contagious smile, he shared some of his story and the different path he’s found to deal with personal struggles. His underlying message is one of hope, which is what I always want to bring to my listeners. 

Dr. Srikumar Rao is a speaker, author, former business school professor and the creator of Creativity and Personal Mastery, a course designed to effect personal transformation.

Through beautiful stories, Dr. Rao brings awareness to the negative internal talk we many times nourish in ourselves. “It's a self-reinforcing loop: the more you think about it, the deeper it becomes,” he says. The mental chatter influences how we relate, how we feel our experiences, and most importantly, how we create our reality.

He also sheds light into what he calls our “mental models,” our deep-rooted beliefs about how the world works.

So, how can we break these patterns and build a more meaningful, intentional life? That’s what we talk about in this interview.

When Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner was told, twenty five years ago, that he needed to call home, he knew it was bad news, but what he didn’t expect was that later that day, his parents would answer the phone together so that they could tell him that his older brother, Gabriel, who was 36 years old at the time, had died by suicide. What he also didn’t know, because we never do, is that Gabriel’s devastating death would change their lives forever. 

In this interview, Rabbi Kirshner talks about how each member of his family reacted to Gabriel’s death, and how he, as a religious leader, engaged in advocacy so that he could personally open a constructive conversation about mental health and self-inflicted death. When he became the Rabbi of the Temple Emanu-El of Closter, in New Jersey, his opening sermon was about his brother’s suicide because he wanted his congregation to feel that they could come to him and talk about their struggles. 

He also opened up about the fact that, when Gabriel was a child, he had been sexually abused by a Rabbi, which impacted him immensely. Much to my surprise (and limited knowledge about Judaism), Rabbi Kirshner shared that Judaism has evolved from the all-or-nothing condemnation of suicide to a place of understanding.“Today, all the major streams of Judaism - not the extremes -, there is a sense of compassion, empathy, and understanding not only for the victims of suicide but for the survivors and family members,” he said. 

This has been quite an enlightening interview and it’s part of my efforts to bring religious and spiritual leaders to the podcast so that we can learn about these communities and the way they view suicide. 

Most of us have felt stuck at some point in our lives. This interview with Dave Evans will help you move forward. Together with Bill Burnett, he wrote the book “Designing your life: how to build a well-lived, joyful life.” They also founded the Stanford Life Design Lab, where they teach one of the most popular classes there.

Dave also knows about suicide loss. At the age of nine, he lost his father to suicide. He was only 49 years old at the time. Decades later, in a painful search for his own identity, Dave found himself rebuilding the gaps in his father’s storyline. “You can’t know who you are if you don’t know whom you came from,” he says.

In this interview, Dave talks about the many ways we can reframe our life situation so that we can free ourselves of what the authors call “dysfunctional beliefs,” myths that prevent us from designing the life we envision for ourselves.

For those who struggle with suicidal ideation, these dysfunctional beliefs could be something like “there is no other way out,” or “I’m not good enough.”

Dave also addresses suicide grief and the places where families get stuck after loss, which can be, for example, by feeling guilty or feeling engulfed by the “what ifs” that often come after the death of a loved one by suicide.

This interview is profound and illuminating. It is helpful to all of us.