The Puzzling Evidence Show - Famous Last Words

After an awe-inspiring Puzzling Evidence opening Intro, the Boys hold their baited breath while simmering a box full of greasy feathers for a snack on Hell's Highway! Little did they know that gremlins had removed the manhole covers just after the show started and replaced them with the show's emergency pudding supply.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. Not just the most sneakiest show but also the mostest cleverest show to have ever been also the most robust and voluptuous.

The Puzzling Evidence Show is a radio show that airs on KPFA 94.1 FM Berkeley. It is hosted by Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins. Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence is a SubGenius who hosts the longest-running SubGenius radio show. Dr. Philo Drummond is also a SubGenius and co-founder of the Church of the SubGenius. Dr. Hal Robins is an American writer, actor, and comedian.

This week the Show is eating only orange food. Here's a list of what we're going to trick it into eating.

Pumpkin waffles

Sliced turkey, cheese, cut carrots, cherry tomatoes and pretzels with a pesto + greek yogurt dipping sauce

Popcorn and orange sections

Cubed potatoes

Fish sticks

SubGeniuses in space, On their way to Planet X, What will they find there

Dr. Philo and Hal, With Puzzling Evidence too, They’re quite a strange crew.

Their ship is quite odd, A 1960 Rambler car, With wings and a pod.

They fly through the stars, With their eyes on the prize, Planet X is not far.

But what will they find? Will it be treasure or doom? Only time will tell.

When they reach Planet X, the SubGeniuses find a strange and mysterious world. The sky is purple and the trees are made of crystal. They explore the planet and find that it is inhabited by strange creatures. The creatures are friendly and they welcome the SubGeniuses to their world. The SubGeniuses learn that the creatures are called Xists and they have been waiting for visitors from Earth for a long time. The Xists show the SubGeniuses around their world and teach them about their culture. The SubGeniuses are amazed by what they see and they can’t wait to tell their KPFA listeners back on Earth all about it.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It's one of the only things you can do if you're awake at 3:00 am.

Welcome to the Best of Puzzling Evidence, with Puzz Ev, Philo and Hal. with special guests throughout.

description by Bing AI, prompted by Philo.

Let's write a story together

Sure! How about we start with a setting? Where do you want the story to take place?

How about a forest?

Great! A forest it is. Let’s start with the hosts of the Puzzling Evidence Radio Show getting lost in the forest. They are walking around trying to find their way back when they come across a strange giant witch. The witch is dressed in a humorous way and she kidnaps them to eat them for dinner. But then they escape and kick the witch in the ass and go skipping and laughing down the road to the Puzzling Evidence Show’s relative safety. What happens next?

You tell me what happens next

Sure! How about they run into some trouble? They come across a group of mischievous fairies who are causing trouble in the forest. The fairies are playing pranks on the animals and other creatures in the forest. The hosts of the Puzzling Evidence Radio Show decide to help the animals and creatures by stopping the fairies from causing any more trouble. They come up with a plan to trick the fairies into leaving the forest and going back to their own world. What do you think?

What kind of plan do they come up with?

The hosts of the Puzzling Evidence Radio Show come up with a plan to trick the fairies. They decide to create a fake portal that leads to the fairy world. They use some of the items they have in their backpacks to create the portal. The fairies are curious and they come to investigate. When they see the portal, they are excited and they fly into it. But as soon as they enter the portal, it disappears and the fairies are trapped in their own world. The hosts of the Puzzling Evidence Radio Show have saved the day! What do you think?

I think that it's almost always a good idea to save the day when possible.

Well, what do you know?

Puzzling, back from his nameless sojourns and tired of substitutes, immediately kicks the shows ass and takes names. Philo muses over the fruity stench emanating from the caller pool. Lost Little Radio Valencia shows like NHLG, KRoB, Dr. Hal, struggle and grope blindly trying to find their way to the Puzzling Evidence Show just to be trampled by the Dinosaurs of Slack at the transom of KPFA. Subliminal Seduction code from 40:11 to 41:56. Philo, Hal and Puzzling develop an alternate history that can be easily carried in a fresh backpack. Then, using the original Latin texts, Philo, Hal and Puzzling delve deep into the esoteric mysteries surrounding the ancient phenonmenon known as Fridolphus the Thirteenthicus. As usual, the callers fruitlessly attempt to hijack the Show to a thrid world nation of their own design.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It's one of the only things you can do if you're awake at 3:00 am.

I was in a hurry so this description is written by Bing AI.

"Puzzling Evidence" is an improvisational radio program that airs on KPFA 94.1 FM Berkeley². The show is hosted by Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins⁵. Here's Hal Robins' description of "Puzzling Evidence": "Deranged “edits” segue into a cascade of echoing glossolaliac madness, the voicing of lyric ruminations from the free-falling brains of disintegrating personalities. And some people, demented individuals, obsessively record every word and squealing sound effect."¹³⁴

The show is an improvisational radio program where anything can happen! Join hosts Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins as they delve into the mysteries of the universe from a SubGenius perspective, explore the quirks of human behavior, and provide witty commentary on the absurdities of modern life1.

The Church of the SubGenius is a parody religion that satirizes organized religion and other forms of authority. It teaches a complex philosophy that focuses on the attainment of “Slack”, which is loosely defined as the ability to do what one wants without worry.

I hope this helps!

Source: Conversation with Bing, 5/12/2023

(1) Puzzling Evidence | SubGenius Wikia Clench | Fandom. https://subgenius.fandom.com/wiki/Puzzling_Evidence.

(2) ‎The Puzzling Evidence Show - Apple Podcasts. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-if-they-sell-out-the-earless-wax-movie-show/id1511564940?i=1000604675136.

(3) Puzzling Evidence - Laughing Squid. https://bing.com/search?q=description+of+puzzling+evidence+radio+show.

(4) Puzzling Evidence - Laughing Squid. https://laughingsquid.com/puzzling-evidence/.

(5) The Puzzling… - Listen to All Episodes | Arts & Culture - TuneIn. https://tunein.com/podcasts/Arts--Culture-Podcasts/The-Puzzling-Evidence-Show---Famous-Last-Words-p1968982/.

Listen up, ya bellyachin' Johnny Suspenders! You just hitched your dinghy to the wrong river boat, ya poopdeckin' clam fister! So welcome to "The Puzzling Evidence Show," the groundbreaking improvisational radio program where anything can happen! Join hosts Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins as they delve into the mysteries of the universe from a SubGenius perspective, explore the quirks of human behavior, and provide witty commentary on the absurdities of modern life. This episode including Cardhouse Robot.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the parts of a groundbreaking radio show. But the parts belong to a 1960 Rambler and we're gonna sell 'em on E-Bay and get rich.

So go easy on the mustard, ya frog-mouthed ham hoarder! With a mix of improvisation, humor, irreverent wit, and live callers these masters of the unexpected will keep you on the edge of your seat as they navigate the unpredictable waters of live radio. From bizarre news stories to off-the-wall interviews with call-in and live in-the-studio guests from all walks of life, no topic is off-limits on "The Puzzling Evidence Show."

So tune in, turn on, and drop out of your mundane boring routine as Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins take you on a wild ride of improvisation, comedy, and enlightenment. You never know what's going to happen next on "The Puzzling Evidence Show!" or you're hopped up on goofballs, ya brick-layin' can o'milk.

The Puzzling Evidence Show is your periodic respite from life's hideous mind-slaughtering monotony and never-ending assault on sanity.

(written by chatGPee)

Welcome to "The Puzzling Evidence Show," the groundbreaking improvisational radio program where anything can happen! Join hosts Mixmaster Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins as they delve into the mysteries of the universe from a SubGenius perspective, explore the quirks of human behavior, and provide witty commentary on the absurdities of modern life.

With a mix of improvisation, humor, irreverent wit, and live callers these masters of the unexpected will keep you on the edge of your seat as they navigate the unpredictable waters of live radio. From bizarre news stories to off-the-wall interviews with call-in and live in-the-studio guests from all walks of life, no topic is off-limits on "The Puzzling Evidence Show."

So tune in, turn on, and drop out of your mundane boring routine as Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, and Dr. Hal Robins take you on a wild ride of improvisation, comedy, and enlightenment. You never know what's going to happen next on "The Puzzling Evidence Show!"

(written by chatGPT)

The 2002 SubGenius Executive Retreat - The Next 100 Years - A Puzzling Evidence Show Podcast - S6E5

This Show is dedicated to the memory of Don S. Joyce (2/9/44-7/22/15)

Here's a real TREAT from the vault - Not For The Weak At Heart FIVE HOUR SHOW!! Can You Endure? (Originally broadcast on KPFA December 27th, 2002)

Per Bud Good, "All the subgenie big wigs from all over the few parts they're from are meeting on the air, live and remote from Sulfur Palms. There are no roads to Sulfur Palms. UMN's Bud Good and co-host Puzzling Evidence combine two separate shows to make a five hour audio spectacle of this rare summit retreat. The theme of this retreat is "The Next 100 Years," and the executive discussions never end, lurching through the Next 100 Years panel, staggering through the awards dinner, and ending up with some contentious disagreements over church reform in which much is swept under the prayer rug, all the candles representing pure evil are put out, and everyone returns to their respective centers of operation and appear unchanged."

This might be the First Annual SubGenius Executive Banquet Retreat and Budget Analysis - This Five-Hour Show is hosted by Negativland's Don Joyce as Bud Good of United Media Net-Web and Over The Edge Show Fame Along with the regulars Master Mixotologist Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond and Chief Know-It-All Dr. Hal, special Guest Stars include Rev. Ivan Stang, Princess Wei R. Do, "SubGenius Church: The Next Hundred Years" leads the discussion topics", Gary G'Broagfran, Palmer "LIES" Vreedees shows up IN PERSON, Along with Bishop Joey of the First Church Of The Last Laugh, and Spazz-Pope Imhopep Michael Peppe; Mindblowing NEW Dogma; PRAISE JILO; Fun Times; Clowns, Gorillas, Space Aliens and Beautiful Nude Women, Prainus Rolls, Weak LSD; Stang Plan of Random Dieties; Much Improvised Dogma Ensues; Script Synchronization and Invocation; Naked Doktors Live; Caller Gravy; Philo Tests His Mike; Cat Gut Tuning; Slug Sex; Dinner Conversation; The Next Hundred Year Plan in Detail; World River of Slack rids you of Soul Taint; CHOCK FULLA FUN; Waiting To Get The Business; Hookerless Convention; Dinner Is Served;  Ok We're Going To Start Over; Finally Giving The Business Report (or not); Awards Program - Philo's acceptance speech; Puzzling's address to techno-nerds; A short break call-in request; G'Broagfran report; A Happening Thang; Win A Date with Dr. Drummond Contest; Remember the "Day"; Various banter; Everyone with a website is a Nazi; Publicity Stunt Backfire, it worked for Negativland but not for CotSG; If you have a safe gun the gun laughs and the bullets tickle; Church Reform; Never have so few profited from so many for so long with such little effort; If Its Not Broke Let's Tamper With It; Sic Semper Tamperis; Saddam's Much Vaunted Berms; Big Dick Passion; Sheena Queen of the Jungle Peppe Story; Sexual Chocolate and 84 year old Mae produce Love Child; Anabolic Gladiators; Bud Good recaps the Show Script; New Programming Rules; Thrown Under the Bus Rug;  Potty Break; AWOL Definition; We're Sorry About Everything; Can You Hear Us?; Naked Coed MudWrestling with Tight Abs; By Dobbs Early Light; A Fair Fair where everything is fair; Closing Ceremonies; 

direct download - http://www.quiveringbrain.com/RadioShow/2002/OTEPE20021227.mp3

Dear Friends,

This particular Episode was mixed by Rex Research, the former Bob Nelson, from culling various bits from various Puzzling Evidence Shows and stitching them together into a new Show! I didn't really have anything to do with it other than preparing it for upload. So check this different mix of the same guys out I think it's pretty good. Thanks, Philo

Philo and Little Puzzling Evidence - The Troll Hunters of Dobbstown

A Smelly Troll Plot

by Buttly Shitstonville

Philo Drummond is just an ordinary seven-year-old boy living in Dobbstown, until he sees a horrifying troll, called Evil Dr. Howlland Owll, climb in through his bedroom window. 

Evil Dr. Howlland, who is built like a potato filled with rocks and smells like grated rotten puke cheese smothered with sauce made from fermented skunks asses, sings a song about making little boys into breakfast.

Philo tricks the troll into falling out of his window by telling him that there are child-brain in-between meal snacks outside. He realizes that the troll has to be stopped before he eats any more children and sets to work trying to invent a trap.

Meanwhile, in a cave just outside Dobbstown, Little Puzzling Evidenceson starts to suspect that eating children is wrong, and grows tired of hunting with his fellow trolls. He decides to live as a vegetarian.

After a brief misunderstanding involving an extra chicken leg and lashings of ketchup, Philo and Little Puzzling team up to stop the trolls, using a catapult that fires rotten durian fruit. They lure the trolls by creating a big mound of crusty socks and boogers.

Praise for Philo and Little Puzzling - The Troll Hunters of Dobbstown

"I can smell Evil Dr. Howlland Owll from here!"- Zob Gloop

"What a terrifying tale. I hope a troll never climbs in through my window. I don't think I've got any durian fruit."- The Daily Tale

"About as frightening as a very small mouse standing on a tiny pillow, but it does warm my heart to read about children and trolls working together."- Enid Kibbler

"Grated rotten puke cheese? Yuck!"- Hit the Spoof

Voices Include Puzzling Evidence, Philo Drummond, Dr. Hal, Cardhouse Robot. 

Gubment Paranoia opens the Show with Burning Man Helicopter Black Ops Cops, concept of friendship and people yeah people with middle of the night programming; What is radio? Philo, this guy said frop on the air?, Dr. Hal cautions the listening audience; Guys flap their meat; backwoods techno-geeks show how it's done; caller brings down show with negative self talk; Radio Consumers want their stuff; Sad Story of Reverend DiCarli and 10,000 Balloons to Dobbstown; Philo won't stop talking about radio (he's reading from a book); Audience characteristics; Original Pamphlet holders can get a free seat in the bilge tank seating area; Get Your Ticket Punched at Dobbstown; More Radio Bullshit; How Radio Is Done Part 1 billion and 2; Why Does Your Audience Keep Listening; Caller Waxes Poetic; Why Do Monkeys Eat Bananas?; Borange, the only word that rhymes with Orange; Lie Hard; The Internet Has It's Own Spaceship for X-Day;  Power-Generating Pinball Child Seats; Why Not Lucky Charms?; Robot Carnival In Heaven; Sports Seed Time Has Passed, Talk About Seeds Later; Puzzling Evidence's Cryogenic Memory Gap; Taters Out of Craters; The Apes of Wrath; You Can't Be Sure You're Not A Robot; Answer That Phone; Thanks to Gubment Corruption We're Gonna Be RICH!; The Show Contraindications; Doug Kershaw was a Special Cajun; What's New Pussycat; The Face of The Guy Show; Laugh Getter Type Things Not To Do At X-Day; Overestimating Tolerance Levels; Running From Scissors; Don't Interrupt Me, I'm Trying To Think; Barrel of Monkeys? Fun? I Don't Think So; The Viking Sword; Unscheduled 420 Break while Too Long J-Pop Plays; Watching YouTube On The Radio Is Not Cool; Global Civilization Fallacy and The Boredoms: Coincidence?; Music Fighter; Looking At The Listeners on the Special Show App; Wheel of Fortune Winner: Jesus Smoked C__s__f__lds; Movie and Cigarette Talk; You Can Hear Them Talk About Things They're Watching That The Listeners Cannot See; They're Made Of Meat; I'm Going To Ask You Some Questions While Winding Down The Show; https://www.soundboard.com/sb/israelyplane; Philo's Birthday is Today!; Teachers of Peaches; The Indian Tomb with Debra Paget - CHECK IT OUT!!; The Show's Over Now Dream Fluff Time!! See You Next Time

Dr. Hal opens with a bubbly yet murky combination of descriptive words. Puzzling describes his encounters with beautiful California flowers. Waiting for the late arriving Overman, the Boys vamp for time discussing random events when Philo calls in complaining of a show-blocking driver who is preventing his timely arrival. Show ID, Hal fiddles with his own garments this time, Philo finally arrives after defeating the tortures of Hell with ease. Now the Show has to wait for Philo and 420 Guy to conduct "business", Sheesh always waiting for Philo; Philo offers prizes for anyone having seen, "The Necro Files"; Jaw Whitening techniques; Drunk Caller sends jpeg from Raton on line 1; Dr. Hal becomes part of the Borg; Bad Cult Development Mistakes To Avoid; How To Be A Rock Musician; Philo's Face Interfaces with the Control Board; This Is How Bad Music Destroys Good Music For Everyone; Cardboard Robot reveals The Most Unwanted Song Formula; Song Fight with Ugly Fat Larger Boogie; Early HTML search tricks; When The Internet Catches Fire, Make Smoke Signals With It; Alien Syllables Uttered; Living Spaceships Leaking Vats of Phlegm; Vampire Babies with No Teeth Yet Are Forced to Use Straws; Snakes Convention in Your Lower Intestine; Avoid Residual Song Killing Reverberations Loitering in Your Ears; Michael Peppe And The Song Killing Song Murdered The Song Again; Gnome Sane? Notursane. Nurturing strategies. Sadness with Lunch Farm kits From Yore; Outside = good and Inside = bad; keyboard shortcuts; Elevator News is Best!; Little Vincent Price Takes Off; Shambling Rambling Shuffling Automatic Doktors Make No Sense Atoll; Magibon Origin Mystique News; Leslie and the Lys; Tight-Assed System Admins Lock The Network Down; PRO TIP: Easy Method Cheap-Ass Way of Getting On The X-ists Mothership; Don't Get Hit in the Balls by Ball Lightning: It's Not A Pretty Sight; Puzzling Takes the Show Apart While Hal Exposes Secrets; Cloverfield: Good Monster movie; 

Voices Included Puzzling Evidence, Philo Drummond, Dr. Hal, Cardhouse Robot and 420 Guy. 

Voices Include Puzzling Evidence, Philo Drummond, Dr. Hal, Michael Peppe, Cardhouse Robot. Did You Send Your Papers In?  All Your Special Package of Benefits from The Church; Group Marriage Considerations; 420 Guy leaves; Late Pleistocene Government Rude Noise Excursion; Hospital Tips; Bringing Us to The Power of the Jesus (Paper) Prayer Rug; OBEY THE HEAD  - "I will obey ANY disembodied Head" - Cardhouse Robot; Imperial Parade of Dionysius; Peppe Speaks; Various Jabbner; The Forgotten Reclusive Loner Hermits; Bad Wheel Of Fortune; Peppe Rants; Benjamin Disraeli quote; Fake Caller Philo Calls in from the Show to say, "This is a PERFECT Show"; Story Tropes Revisited; Kids getting away with murder and low order fun-raising while Hal continues to underoverestimate Puzzling. After retrieving its garment, the Show whipped up a souffle and got a woody. Suddenly, without their garments Drs. Howwll and Drummond danced a mad conjuring jig but suddenly noticed their nudity and became ashamed in the face of the Show. In their old country, they were repsected as Doktors; Sigurd, et. al; Hal Blabbers without Ceasing; A Double-Bag Ten; Philo Recites Facts About Nudism; Peppe Speaks About German; 15 Million Drummond Family TV Hat Business Reply Week Long Party Card; Puzz Injects Awesome Show Great Job while Hal and Philo join in semi-live wearing capes while playing the "game" with renewed youthful vigor. Show ID; Bad Words Said in Oppish by Hal; Basketball Rappin'; SubGeniuses are the MOST Discriminated Against Group EVER; Peppe Reads!; Prayer Rug Letter; Strange American Sex Rituals; Pryce Bronson; Most Important Fault Lines; Drawing Tickets; Do-Me-Do-Duds!; Puzz Ev Saves The Bay; Hide the Waldo; Philo Leaves Early for his Conspiracy Job; SubGenius Characteristics According to Hal; Will To Fil; Hal's Desk Contents;  Like a smelly beat-up old hat filled with half-tuned eighth-notes and 20 pages of notes in a pheasant cloaca with a thousand 15 dollar spenders. Puzzling ran his fingers along his mustache while considering the analysis before him. The terrorists were stopped dead in their tracks when the Show penetrated the compound. Shifting his butt so Philo could face Hal directly, he asked, "How many people know about this?". 

Hal coughed, "People, yeah people."

The Puzzling Evidence Show, yeah, it looks easy and sounds fun but it takes chocolate salty balls to pull it off.

Puzzling starts the Show which, again, easily blows minds all over the entire planet; Hal groans while access is granted;  Cardhouse Robot crawls in through a drainpipe; People Complain Soundlesslessly As Too Many Minds Are Already Blown; It's Always the Economy; Dr. Hal Reads The News From The Metaphorical Bay Area collective toilet; Martin Motherhead Shot "Bob" in the butt in LA with Iben Stam; Losers Not Allowed This Time; The Greasy Unwashed Armpit of America; Go Up and Down Your Oregon; Passport to the Bathroom; Who Broke My Country?; Gilroy Caller gives his report; The Flouride causes ADD and Care Allocation Deficit Reduction;  The Boys plan a military coup of Denmark poorly; We Need a Dog Walking Dog or A Dog That Cleans Up Dog Feces; White Honda Denmark Gilroy Blues; 

I should've not done that to my assistant; Tidying Up In The Back Part Of The Show; Cooking Meat With a Popcorn Popper; Dobbstown Therapy; The Moron Brothers predicted; The Glass Is Too Tall Not Half-Full; Singing The Song That Refused To Die With The Band That Dare Not Speak Its Name in the Town That Couldn't Die; Various; Fart Song Name Talk; Boys That's Some Good Advice; Donuts are Nice; Pow Wow The Indian Boy; Congress Prostitute Training Farm Club; Not Like Popcorn Meat Chunk Air Frying; Solve the Food Problem by Cloning Dinosaurs for Food; Try For Complete Addle-Pation at Work; If You're SubGenius, Business Works For You!; I Totally Miss You, Dude! 

Puzzling looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the minuscule newspaper. "Philo, I stole you Walkman," he replied.

They looked at each other with closed eyes, like two slap-happy modern, mashed maggots hopping at a very spiteful snow storm, which had reggae music playing in the background and two lovable old uncles boating to the beat. Puzzling regarded Philo's ample hairy feet and dirty warts. "I feel the same way!" revealed Puzzling with a delighted grin.

voices include: Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Howlland Owll, Dr. Philo Drummond, Cardhouse Robot, 

Much technical talk opens the Show and then Dr. Hal accidentally spins into politics and destroys the Show's dedication to non-topicality. George Washington's surveyors retinue and bailywick, The Show is like an Audio Newspaper, Poor George's Horrible Acne issues and Stymie's Limburger, Philo defines and suffers from "Search-nesia" the act of forgetting what you were going to search for on the internet., responsible root finding vs. button pushing, More Geo. Washington times talk, Michael Peppe explains Psychic Brain Sorcery as they separate his mind from his brain, Watching At The Slack Shack, Defecate On Your Eternal Resting Place Or Not, Code Crackers Philo and Cardhouse, Dr. Hal solves a unsolved riddle and forgets the answer, Peppe GOES WILD!! Show Goes off the rails and then skitters around on the ground for a while before re-railing, Rawhide Chewing Gum When You Need The Taste of Leather!, The Phone System is Anti-Peppe, Batman vs. Vampires, Golf IS Violence by Philo and Cardhouse, Peppe Tell It Like it Is!, The Burning Man, Dirty Talking Preachers, Various yakkin' of little import but Michael Peppe and the other callers hang in util the end of the Show, Philo compains of lack of currency at the Show download sites, Philo closes the Show with shoutout credits, Micael Peppe's Death Scene brings the Show to an incredibly dramatic close.

Voices include: Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Howlland Owll, Dr. Philo Drummond, Cardhouse Robot, 

Promises of "Bob" from some unknown ranter, then The Boys meander into the mix, Doktors break their backs for the Show, Jonny Quest Intro, Exotic Alcoholic Drink names, Philo serves the booze, A Caller is an Active Listener, Peppe lost his way after, Gnomes can do it all, Effects of Colon-Blow by Colon-Blow Expert Dr. Hal, Movie jabber, Amazing Very Good SubGenius Guarantees and Warranties Are The Best, Where Is Michael Peppe, Again?, Colon Storage News, It is well known that ßs,H = w(e). This reduces the results of [12] to well-known properties of sets. In The Show, the authors address the existence of Cavalieri SUBalgebras under the additional assumption that there exists a left-canonical a most surely P -solvable vector. Therefore the work in the Show did not consider the semi-smooth, trivially Y -finite, ultra-everywhere integral case, as in fish-feeding reverse bad thing re-installation reduction strategies and such,  We substantially increased caller lower-colon performance with less than 50% of the expected collateral damage which is no big deal. Dr. Hal ran our NMAP system on commodity operating systems, such as Microsoft Windows NT and Coyotos. Puzz Ev added support for our framework as a statically-linked user- caller-space application. Our lower-colon inhabitants experiments soon proved that exokernelizing our fuzzy Knesis Philo brand keyboards was more effective than making them autonomously, as previous work suggested. Our experiments soon proved that microkernelizing our PDP 11s was more effective than exokernelizing them, as previous work suggested. We note that other researchers have tried and failed to enable this functionality. In any case, they survived and nobody's feelings got hurt.

Edited for sake of time, topically barren, high-level nearly constant fuzzy real radio on air noise included at no extra charge, originally broadcast March 7th, 2008.

The Show effortlessly blows minds and opens with Hal's Half-Life Character then Puzzling, Hal, Philo  - Michael Peppe doesn't love us anymore; Much Ado About Keanu; Kull NOT Krull; Various Hilarious Generic Inter-Host Banter; Dr. Hal's PC Computer Blues; Dr. Hal and THE ONE true love; Gourd Head It's ALL right; The Show Is Like An Unrestrained Concept Thing; The Brain is No Longer In Control; Hello, Caller; Rectum? Damn Near Killed Them; The Show is Wrecked up; A Pissed-Off Epileptic Farmer Screaming Blasphemous Unnameable Oaths at a Red Mutated One-Legged Pregnant Goat Watching an Oversized Diamond Encrusted Solid Gold Bucket Full Of Chainsaws, Marbles and False Teeth Falling Over A 1,247 foot tall cliff during a 100 Year Thunderstorm Inside a Gigantic Platinum Cement Mixer Running On Double-Speed and Loaded With Plate Glass and Philips Screwdrivers While a Microscopic Monoaural Record Player Outfitted with a 10 Gauge Sewing Needle with Big Red Straps Amplified To 190db Repeatedly skips on the Same Three Notes On The Three Stooges Children's Record "We're Coming To Your House; Looking Around The World At Who Is Listening; I Sat On The Pie I Was Supposed To Eat; 33,000 Children Listeners plus 2 and 20 Unknown Countries; I was unintentionally misled to Lead You; Callers Call In with Their Telephone Numbers; Giant Screwdrivers; Caller Calls Us Back To Make Fun Of Us;  CopyBob's Big Bites; Abe Lincoln: Republican; Vimana Spaceships; I Thought About Becoming A Super-Delegate Comic Book Talk from Philo and Hal;  Philo sings; AYP calls; Celebrity Hair Contest; Jews and Nazis and Tarzan; Suicide Man Calls; More Cheetah Long-Lived Speculation and Artwork; Cheetah Bought Apple when it was $10 a share; Brigette Bardot Brings The Hammer Down on Cheetah's Booze and Cigars; How Cheetah Paints and What He Thinks About; Wild X-tacy Babes; The NEW "Bob's" Lunch Hour - still at noon, Various Yakkin'; Puzzling gets an iPod; Hal babbles unceasingly; Philo reads movie synopses; Suicide Man talks Russian movies; The Boys anticipate the end of the Show; Eddie brings food for Philo who doesn't want to share but does anyway and it turns out to be Angel Food. 

Puzzling, Dr. Hal, Dr. Drummond, and Cardhouse Robot look at stuff and describe objects for the listeners; Copybob checks in; goes to beat the Pope of Las Vegas; What stays in Vegas goes to Vegas; Michael Peppe ruined everything now we're screwed; First get a bucket of pills and a couple of chainsaws; put everything in a big blobby pile to touch with a pole; who do you want me to be; Why Philo Hid His Face in Arise; God's Greatest Mystery; Copybob algorithm on Heggenbrenner Road; Dr Hal at 12 Galaxies every Monday night form 9-11; Satan's Co-pilot's assistant's helper; Don't Stop for Gas in Hell; 1,000 Foot Snake; 3:00am is the Exact Wrong Time of the Morning; Church Titles Order of Succession; The Show is Like a Little Diaper Filled Baby; CopyBob said "FUCKING" on the air forcing the Boys to apologize; Going to the Train Thang; Various Hilarious Generic Inter-Host and Caller Banter regarding the Amino Acids at the Ace Wrecking Yard; Hal's Hunting and Coffee Experiment; Gut-Fest; Caller says We're The Best Show EVER!!!! BassMaster or BassMaster? "They're Gonna Laugh At You" - Carrie's Mom; What if JFK and His Posse Shot Back and Laid Waste to the Entire top of The School Book Depository; JFK in Revenge In Dallas!; (GREAT FREE BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE IDEA);  Bert and Ernie Go BRUTAL!! Gun and Train Robbery Show at the Cow Palace; Caps Lock Errors; Buck Tooth Errors; Puzzling Wishes the Show Would Stop because it hurts; We May Not Be Here Next Week, I Wanna Know...

Puzzling, Dr. Hal, Dr. Drummond, Rev. Stang, Cardhouse Robot struggle to rise above the cacophony of same voices talking over each other, Rev Stang recounts X-Day attempt on his life, Dr. Drummond reveals remedial behavior strategies, X-Day is just around the world from us, Philo admonishes crew on proper radio show etiquette,  Stang and Drummond say thanks "Bob" for his gifts of slack, Google Cloudmaker with Cardbot Roadhouse; Philo laughingly transforms during End O' The World Porno; Future fear and sniggering jerks; Rev. Stang recounts his dream of Dom DeLuise Has The Code In His Genes to Broadcast to the World and Save it From Unknown Virus;  Who is your Daddy and what does he do? Perfect SubGenius Content Contest; How to Run A Video on the Radio; Puzzling Maggie-Bon; Rev. Stang delivers A Proper SubGenius Salute; Show ID comments; What Should The Show's Theme Be?; Listener Akbar in Algeria; Rev. Stang's Program notes Unitarians are Nice; Drilling into the listerners routers around the world; Getting Pirate Cat Radio Ready for You; Brother Hal and Captain Stang with Commisar Evidence and Overjanitor Philo; I Don't Care Band; The Unknown Escape From Cleveland; They're Gonna Laugh At You; X-Day is coming ARE YOU READY!!; There's a lot of naked chicks in Hell, Dante's Inferno with Jimmy Swaggart; The Pain between your ears is called your Brain; following too closely; Making copies; Tiny Pow-Wow at Philo's; Famous SubGenius Family Horror rectified; It's all over the floor; Concerned Callers; Talk More of Less about "Bob": You Decide!; 2 "Bob" One Cup; Jenkum "Bob"; Centralia PA is Still On Fire; Remembering Michael Peppe (He's OK); Dr. Hal at 12 Galaxies; The If It's Yellow Variations; Some Old Gals; Philo Present the Punch-Out-All-Night at the Knock-A-Head-Atorium; Ticket Bastard; Dreaming of Dream Fluff; Johnny Skid Mark's Underwear; Approaching the close with Movie News Vamping; various babbling and trivia; Any Giant Monster Is Good; Our Primordial Guilt Zipper-Down-The-Back Monster; Boys! Pick Up Your Weapons On The Way Out; 

Puzzling, Dr. Hal, Cardhouse Robot and Dr. Drummond, This is THAT episode. Dr Hal hawks his junk with 33 vertebrae, Philo Dances With Scissors Real Fast On Drugs, They're pushing the web again, Mom; A Broad Show; The Show Won't Give The Callers A Chance; Parts of the show are nice; Gutless callers; Pushing the web with hairy toes could be making it busy; Philo describes Everyday Life on the Pleasure Saucers; How Cult Leaders Pick Up Chicks; CopyBob wants to know if Philo Got The Letter; PHILO FINDS THE LETTER!!; Slack Jaw Gumballs Push the Wed; Station ID; Ask Dr. Hal at 12 Galaxies; Puzzling Evidence Show Intro!, Take it away, One-Eye!; Commercial Break; Pushing the Web some more Pushers try to hook the callers on cheaper Shows; Fungus Shrouded Valley of Fresno; Face Based Religion; Random Gift Shipping; Puzzling leaves his post; Drives aimlessly while Show on autopilot; TaxiBob rides along with the Show; Meat Guns; Fried Goat Sphincter Rings called Funyuns; Interstitial Tines; The Vortex Took 'em Away; The Show id Going to Push the web some more tonight; The Show translated in Japanese Service; Say Hello for Personal Service; Politicians and Lawyers banned form SubGenius Heaven; This is a Non-Reality Show; Callers Need More Web, Fast!; Coming Down Off The Web is a Hard Ride; Amino Acids at the Hemlock;  SubGenius.com Art Mines Coffee Table Book;  idea; Alternate JFK Timeline using Bazookas or Flowers - YOU DECIDE!; My Pedal Extremities are Initiating Combustion; Philo was "Bob's" man on the Inside; See "Bob's" Lunch Hour for Images of Philo spanning 30 years; Hunger Laughter; It's Your Religion: They Have to Approve of it; The Law of Predictable Sustainability; Dog Petting Techniques; X-Day approaches; COINCIDENTAL Ukrainian NEWS - BULL TERRIER REVEALED TO BE PAKISTANI RAT; Ulaan Bator's Master; Puupy Coat; Do You Even Internet?; Digger and Poopoo and Popo; Show Shutdown Procedures Begins; Teenagers Cold Cock Disney Characters For Fun; The Only Good Cops Are at Burning Man; Eddie Brings Nutbread for Shift Change; The Government is Recorded Laughing at you (and us); County Employees blame lack of completed work on other employees; Less work / more people = conty government; Water board the crap out of our enemies; HEY LET's GO!

In this exciting episode, Puzz, Philo and Cardhouse Robot discuss Church secrets heretofore unknown to the general public and how they interface with the Show's mission and purpose. Shaved Ape Society News. The Show will never forget old What's-His-Name, All Your Slack Are Belong To Us, Show safety rules, Don't Drunkenly Endanger Your Proud Show Hand by Running With The Show in Your Bleeding Head Holding Hand, How Did You Get To Be Famous, Zombies Ate My Brain but left the Rest, 63% of all movies are Zombie Movies, You're Going To Die, Caller Stokes Zombie (and Other) Death Fear, spawning Tsunambies,  Meet Me at The End of The World's Fair, They're Totally Going To Laugh At You, Sissy; Government Sums Up the End O' Da Woild, I'll Be Wearing My "Bob" Goods, People Gotta Learn, Concept Extension Strategies, Where is Hal?, Pants Spitting, Smudgey Sploogy PaRk Bench Effluvia, J-Pop Goddesses, Raining in The Studio, Those Lost in Sin; Too Much TALKING, I Hope I aM tHE hIGHLANDER, Every Business and Church is Like A Deck of Cards, "Bob" Is Like The Joker of Our Face-Based Religion; Easy to Get Laid In The Church!, Dancin' With A Hard On reprise, Loopstation Steel Cage Match, Always A Bigger Leviathan In The Sea; dental School Dentists Using Sharp Edges; Tony is reporting Gilroy Weather; Indefinite Quantities Discussion while Dodging Trucks - Gilroy Road Caller; Building Zombies for Tomorrow with Today's People; Saying Things On THE Radio; Wearing Our Nikes on YouTube; The Boys fall off the edge.

Luchadore requirements, Fishing Rod accidents, grawdoo scraping methods, sad mop of a man, PuzzlingEvidenceTV is still there but Philo rage quit YouTube already, Men wearing drug britches, music pressure pushes the dancers down in the mix through the dribble tube, Cornfield Caller with Mental Floss Caller, Caller Tony escapee on the loose chasing UFOs, Used Overalls Finally available For All Concord Farmers, Philo's Radio Little Caller Girlfriend Contest Winner Calling from Overseas,  Oozing out of Area 51's Underground Inter-dimensional Crack, Milkweed Cheese for Vegans, Pork The One You're With, Little Caller Infatuation, Gilroy Dreaming, Hal's still not here, Don't Hurt Yourself or Others, I'm In My Own Dealy Plaza, JFK's Groundhog Day, Worship Caller Needs US Look For The Monster, Its' About The Dots On The Face, YouTube's cRaZy rules,  Economics Projection Issues and Human Ingenuity, "Puzzling Evidence is the standard by which all SubGenius Radio Shows are measured", music from the nether regions of space at 4:20, Arkansas Clock Anomalies, Hal Tired of all The slap-handed back-patting, Cardhouse MIB encounters, Little Caller Haifa Tales, The interesting part has not yet arrived, Have your Own Show now, Little Caller Likes Jail (In Israel) says, "it's kind of like a resort", I probably did something wrong, YouTube hates your original tune, Computer Trouble, Liquid Chicken Soy Substitutes, Cheese Like Heroin Dreams, The Show is For Forming Thoughts like Injecting Cheese, Streaming Smells, YouTube defecates users with Lawyerese, Philo Business Gobbledy-gook, Dread Pirate Philo as World Overlord, Politician = Evil. Pan-phobia is real, Callers have a side conversation until close.

Where Hell puts its trash, Hellbound TrainShow Tonight the boys will dump the script and wing it. Puzzling finally punches the Philo and Hal units in and the Show gets all professional and under delivers its first PSA. Climbing into their garments, the Boys attack the Show with renewed vigor and bring it to all the mother-fathers because that's how they roll. Kids getting away with murder and low order fun-raising while Hal continues to underoverestimate Puzzling. After retrieving its garment, the Show whipped up a souffle and got a woody. Suddenly, without their garments Drs. Howwll and Drummond danced a mad conjuring jig but eventually noticed their nudity and became ashamed in the face of the Show. In their old country, they were respected as Doktors.  

The Show is like a short night without sleep. Digital drip frigid pyrofridgeration keeps fire ice cold as we learn Dr. Hal's 3 least favorite days of the week. One moment, he is discussing cheeses with his wealthy Uncle, Philo; the next, watching with horror as craven reprehensible Bobbies sickeningly grundle each other. He knows these Bobbies came from Mountain Home but he can't prove it - at least not without some poisonous phonebooks. 

The Puzzling Evidence Show is your only hope for relief from life's soul killing drudgery and the relentlessly depraved Conspiracy buggery of your mind's hind-crack.

Philo Trollsondrum is just an ordinary  734-year-old boy living in Upper Buttblastston, until he sees a  horrifying troll, called Hal Robbuttson, climb in through his bedroom  window.

Hal, who is built like a potato filled with rocks and smells like  grated butt smothered with sauce made from ass, sings a song about  making little boys into sausages.

Philo tricks the troll into falling out of his window by telling him  that there are child-brain cheesesteaks outside. He realises that the  troll has to be stopped before he eats any more children and sets to  work trying to invent a trap.

Meanwhile, in a cave just outside Upper Buttblastston, Puzzleton  Evidency starts to suspect that eating children is wrong, and grows  tired of hunting with his fellow trolls. He decides to live as a  vegetarian.

After a brief misunderstanding involving a forgotten appendage and  lashings of ketchup, Philo and Puzzleton team up to stop the trolls,  using a catapult that fires rutabaga. They lure the trolls by creating a  big mound of boogers.

Rewarding Audio Receptors

The Magic Kettle

A Short Story

by Skidmark Twain

Philosonson Drummertonville was thinking about Halvin Robberstonton again. Halvin was a snotty coward monster with short buttock and fat frophook.

Philosonson walked over to the window and reflected on his wild surroundings. He had always hated creepy Simpledimpletonville City with its large, lovely lofty peaks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a snotty figure of Halvin Robberstonton.

Philosonson gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a dumpy, optimistic, liquor beer drinker with skinny buttock and tall frophook. His friends saw him as a grieving, greasy Giant Saint. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a xenophobic fluffy kitten.

But not even a dumpy person who had once jumped into a river and saved a xenophobic fluffy kitten, was prepared for what Halvin had in store today.

The sleet rained like running toads, making Philosonson unstable. Philosonson grabbed a magic kettle that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Philosonson stepped outside and Halvin came closer, he could see the fast smile on his face.

Halvin gazed with the affection of 2374 cold-blooded poised pigeons. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want revenge."

Philosonson looked back, even more unstable and still fingering the magic kettle. "Halvin, I am your father's father," he replied.

They looked at each other with puzzled feelings, like two fluttering, fantastic flies lumping at a very sinister Feast of St. Swithen's Day Eve, which had jazz music playing in the background and two popular uncles dumping to the beat.

Philosonson regarded Halvin's short buttock and fat frophook. "I feel the same way!" revealed Philosonson with a delighted grin.

Halvin looked sneezy, his emotions blushing like a grubby, gentle guillotine.

Then Halvin came inside for a nice drink of liquor beer.

THE END

Praise for The Magic Kettle

"I feel like I know Philosonson Drummertonville. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."

- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squirts."

- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the sleet rained like running toads is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."

- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."

- Zob Gloop

People Not Driving Across

 The Curse of the Cursed Sandwich

A Horror Story

by Green Head 2 Trucks

Whilst investigating the death of a local housekeeper, a splendid housekeeper called Philo Drummond uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, cursed sandwich circulating throughout Fortress of Solitude. As soon as anyone uses the sandwich, he or she has exactly 399 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look zombified. A marked person, Cardhouse Robot,  feels like a sexy ample aardvark to touch.

Philo gets hold of the sandwich, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: a simple kitten balancing on a cold housekeeper, a bucket full of cooked puke, an old newspaper headline about a bear baiting accident, a hooded owl ranting about 3rd Leg and a drinking well located in a sleepy place.

When Philo notices his unknown appendage have aardvark-like properties, he realizes that the curse of the cursed sandwich is true and calls in his grandfather, a detective called Puzzling Evidence, to help.

Puzzling examines the sandwich which is inside of a truck which is also inside of a truck, and willingly submits himself to the curse. He finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. He finds the simple kitten balancing on a cold housekeeper nose particularly chilling. He joins the infinitely long queue for a supernatural death.

Philo and Puzzling pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded owl. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

Praise for The Curse of the Cursed Sandwich

"This is actually pretty scary. I'll never be able to look at another cursed sandwich for as long as I live."

- The Daily Tale

"Oh please! There's nothing scary about a simple kitten balancing on a cold housekeeper. Are we supposed to feel spooked?"

- Enid Kibbler

"The hooded owl really freaked me out."

- Hit the Spoof

"I hope Philo and Puzzling get married."

- Zob Gloop

The Puzzling Evidence Show starts safely enough when our knife-happy hero, Philo, wakes up in a vestigial dreamfield beckoning callers to be active and contact the Show. The Callers begin tumbling in around 3:36 discussing forgotten recipes involving tobasco sauce. Philo reads from and discusses anal passages from Boys Will Be Boys and the Show's  Everything Disclaimer Form. Philo shuffles papers and reads THE SPECIAL NOTE to the memory of 3 minutes ago. Caller wants to talk about Icarus and Daedalus Burning Men. It's like a different word for fun. Utilize the day, it's highly flatulent. Detailing their brutal response, Philo slaps a dangerous oil-soaked fruit pie, mutilates an Arnold Palmer donut, and monitors a previously unknown appendage stump. PuzzEv just laughs and tosses the vaunted Golden Turd into a box of ninja stars and slides the box behind his canoe under an old blanket of his own design.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show: It has all the characteristics of a good radio show , but the characteristics get lost on the way there and arrive too late to help.

Tonight's show includes an incredible All-Star Line-up with Puzz Ev, Philo, Dr. Hal, Bishop Joey, Jhim Kennedy, Cardhouse Robot, Phineas Narco, and KROB. Recent Scientific Studies have shown that Puzz's legendarily potent intro drugs will kill like an angel in the casual listeners brains who are already stoned on Show, On the way to the Show, Puzz loses a whole lot of words. Complicated words. Words that we were going to use to describe the intro. Now they are gone. Instead, The Show re-erects a sans-brain Hitler while the Show Team itself gets in the Trunk with grandma, in which they  Find a Hog to get High On. Callers makes strangeness work for them, it's YOUR conspiracy, so Say it RIGHT! Biden as Skinny Costello. What are YOUR Top 10 Reasons to hate me?? We put the FUN in FUNdaMENTALism! SLOW DOWN, you can't snort that much Show all at once. Then is REALLY gets going FAST![It's all about me, and you, and us - BUT NOT THEM! AND MUCH MUCH MORE - too much stuff to write right now. 

Solfugids Underestimating Puzzling Evidence is a mistake made too often everyday. With Phat Man Dee. After retrieving his newer garment, the intro whipped up a frenzy and left out nobody. Suddenly intact, and without remorse Drs. Howwll and Drummond rarely do what they say they will do but act like maybe they will this time but at the last second fizzle out and instead back-up the Show with the listeners still intact while deconstructing gloating as a concept. The Boys were glad to have their garments as well as their marmots back.

Hal sneezed, "thusly, spake Schmidlap."

The Puzzling Evidence Show, yeah, sure it looks easy and sounds fun but it takes down blown out tires and soupcon scrounged from the dump.

"There's a lady in Chicago that's been living there since I was in high  school. She's a very nice, beautiful lady. Her parents don't want any of  this, especially her grandparents or her siblings. She's been there. A  lot of times she'll be going straight to the movies. But that's the only  thing that really keeps her alive. She goes to the movies the day after  she's killed, and the day after she dies. She goes to a movie theater  the day after she's killed; she doesn't get a ticket, she doesn't get  tickets, she's never seen the movie, she's never heard of it again. So  she's sitting there, and there are no lights. And here's one of those  days. I think she's dead, and her father has not been able to see her  for the last three centuries; that's all she's seen. They put her into a  big plane, and she doesn't get out of the plane. I think she's gone  somewhere. So I've given up hope. I haven't given up hope for her. I  think I've decided that I can't just go on. So I went to the movie  theater on Monday. I sat there, and there were two people watching it.  And that's when it finally dawned on me: that they did not know what,  exactly, they were doing with his body. This is a person that I've got  to kill in some way" - ai maniac

I was a kid when it happened. I'd come home and my sister was on the  phone with the guy that was walking around. She was talking to a friend  that was trying to make some kind of money, and he was like, "Do you  think you can make a living from it?" So, she's like, "Um, yeah. I'd  like to take a job as a salesperson to make some money." So I was like,  "I need to do some kind of work and maybe it would make a difference."  So, I went through, like, 2 or 3 other business models i've tried for  years. Because when you talk to people and they come up to you with the  idea of taking a job as a salesperson, you think they're a little  confused. But it's all really simple, because it's very easy to get a  job at one company and to get a business or service and it's so easy to  get something on a daily basis that's going to be a nice investment in  your life.      A friend of mine, in a couple months, I got a job at a local grocery  store that ran on the grocery store business model. I was really  impressed with the fact that it was very common for people to walk to a  store and sit down and buy their food. I ended up buying everything at  $9.99, and I thought it was really, really good. 

In the spirit of vacuum cleaner worship the boys bamboozle the top off of the SubGenius bucket of LIES. This week Philo, Hal, and Puzzling spend little time disguising a butt-load of forgotten books, users, non-existent inconsistencies and some other stuff BEFORE presenting a 5-star whirlwind food service performance that goes beyond the pail or bucket. Inside-Jokes, Overly Extended Concepts, Preposterously Lovable Conspiracy Theories dominate while the callers fight desperately for a word. 

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. Like an fine old chum bucket filled with half-baked concepts and sweet pickles in an arresting array of florid purification..

'...What's that smell?' Philo felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Puzzling asked this. Philo calmly assured him that most albino cats sigh before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually flamboyantly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Puzzling Evidence because he had found Puzzling's tape deck only 5 days prior. It all started when our host, Puzzling Evidence, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the 5th time this week. Feeling ridiculously concerned, Puzzling stroked a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). The potato offered no succor.

The Brow fiddles with your hind-brain from the back-side and then tells a story, then Puzzling, Philo and Hal inhabit a former, more relaxed leisurely time drinking too many Tom Collinses. Philo finally asks Dr Hal a really hard question while Hal demures, avoiding Philo's masterful play. The Boys are tired of whipping the show into a frenzy and then overthinking it, they practice the time honored art of avoidism, while their favorite Phones ring off the walls directly into the trash can, unanswered and unloved. Callers must talk to each other and solve world hunger while the Boys can only contemplate breakfast.

Puzzling's unfathomable goodness makes Satan his bitch but a long, long time ago in a distant galaxy, leaving the corpulent planet Poontangus, a group of SubGenii fly toward a distant speck which gradually resolves into an abandoned space church. Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by an Evil Philo Drummond clone, a funky orc capable of space highway mopery and even mindcrapping. Terrified as a little girl, Dr. Hal flees the Empire, with his protector, Admiral Puzzling Evidence. They beat feet for Dobbstown. When they arrive, a fight breaks out. Evidence uses his cheap plastic seven-bladed windbreaker of Slack to defend Dr. Hal and together they decide it's time to steal a genuine Bobmobile and shoot their way out. Evidence must fight to save Dr. Hal but when he unearths a giant frozen sausage, the entire future of the corporate galaxy is at stake all the while Suicide Man's phone sucks real bad.

The Show opens with Rutabaga "Sigmund" Oswald's girlfriend because yesterday's contest was on the 49th of Froptober. Then Your Hard-Hitting Bleeding-Edge Wide-Eye-Ball News Team, standing shyly in their daintiest  undergarments, Delivers the Up-To-The-Minute Cutting-Edge-News both Bad/Good and Other. The Show extrapolates the minuscule and questionable content far longer than it's actual substance should allow, even into the sanctified and union mandated "break" period. The Boys step back from the Show and take a deep breath.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the massive Johnson of a heaving M'muh radio show. But their diction is too good and they are all three too handsome to be allowed to leave the building.

The Ask Dr. Hal Show temporarily takes over the Show's empty cranial socket until the "Other" arrives, Suicide Man saw The Eclipse and jabbers on about it, callers collide like cavorting continents, rules for having sex with the Show are enumerated and belabored, a tempting easy recipe for success is tossed out with the trash and numerous potential million-dollar opportunities are strategically avoided, online warriors' most powerful attempts at virtual megalomania are temporarily sidetracked, Top Commenters egos spill out of the basement confines fully naked and pitifully endowed.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the fiction of a Gary G'broagfranning radio show. But the fiction is too true and forces painful self-reflection. 

The seaside town of Dobbstown holds a secret. Dr. Hal has the perfect life working as a monkey fluffer in the city while fropping freely with his friend, Philo Drummond. However, when he finds an enchanted guillotine in his cellar, he begins to realize that things are not quite as they seem. A resurrection leaves Dr. Hal with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to magical Dobbstown to find some answers. At first the people of Dobbstown are funny and daring. He is intrigued by the curiously stable toenail collector, Puzzling Evidence. However, after he introduces him to hard video games, Dr. Hal slowly finds himself drawn into a web of vandalism, decadence and gluttony. Can Dr. Hal resist the charms of Puzzling Evidence and uncover the secret of the enchanted guillotine before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Dobbstown mystery?

Hedley Lamar's pocket lipstick cell phone buys old movie talk from the Boys until it gives way to a Colonel Sanders talk-fest back when there was only 5 herbs and no spices, the col sold his 1st empty bucket at 12 years old until he thought of putting a live chicken in it. Egg Dough Boiling grease finger licking mixed with 3 more herbs and 1 spice with more dough covered live chicken. Our assurance to you: No necrophilia. Double fried brow diddled chicken feather finger looking good then sold to tiny school fiends until finally all 11 herbs and spices were added. KFC double-dipped double crust hand dipped dobbs dotted alien finger lickin eyes finally the real all 11 and the Nazi-hatin' recipe is complete. Philo offers his nostril mining tips and tricks. Crappy but free schwag.

The Show opens with Hal's Pocket Spider scuttling in and out of his pants because yesterday was the 49th. Then Your Hard-Hitting Bleeding-Edge Wide-Eye-Ball News Team Delivers the Up-To-The-Minute Cutting-Edge-News both Bad/Good and Other. Callers collide, rules for having sex with Show Squid are enumerated. Shoeing formerly useless barefoot appendages. General Hal's irritating King Loud background music is killing the Show softly with its song.  A rift in the tear in the fabric of the universe's blankey makes kids cry silently into their pillow filling it up with the salty tears of childhood pain along with Jesus's foreskin. Ancient relics are debunked including the Shroud of Bozo proving he had only had one arm having previously been chewed off after a drunken tryst. Looking for it makes it disappear. Do Evil Scientists exist? The dangers of picking up hitchhikers with an un-de-beaked prairie squid in the back seat. The callers are repetitive and indistinct yet still there. Dr. Hal and Philo elaborate ambiguous sales techniques and arcane ending formulas.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show podcast. It has all the Big Red Johnson of a heaving m'muh radio show podcast compilation. But their diction is too good and they are all three too handsome and mature to be allowed to leave. 

Boss Stang

A Short Story

by Little Philo Drummond

Ivan Stang had always hated Dobbstown's pobuckery Main Kitchen with its dangerous, deadly, bloody Knife Cellar. But it was a place where he felt threatened yet relaxed.

He was a bossy, incredulous, hot buttered rum martini drinker with giant stinky armpits and midgety butt cheeks. His friends saw him as a salty, cantankerous old skull farmer. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for the Giant Nutsack. That's the kindly sort of man he was.

Ivan walked over to the window and reflected on his dark and dank surroundings. The rain hammered like rabid thinking polecats.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dr. Hal Owwll. Dr. Hal was a snooty animal with scrawny stinky armpits and micro-cephalic but lumpy butt cheeks.

Ivan gulped. He was not prepared for deadly Dr. Hal.

As Ivan stepped outside and Dr. Hal came closer, he could see the annoying glint in his eye.

Dr. Hal glared with all the wrath of 5,944 peculiarly angry chupacabras. He muttered under his breath, in hushed tones yet incredibly audible, "I still want a sacred t-shirt."

Ivan looked back, even more blissful but still fingering the eazor-sharp sword while eyeballing Dr. Hal's ample neck. "Dr. Hal, please take the sourdough out of the fridge," he replied.

They looked at each other with contemplative feelings, like two gigantic, grieving gerbils fropping at a very rude Annual Work Review, which had rockabilly music playing in the background and two thoughtful broom-toting uncles sweeping to the beat.

Ivan regarded Dr. Hal's scrawny stinky armpits and micro-cephalic butt cheeks. "I feel the same way!" revealed Ivan with a delighted grin.

Shyly, Dr. Hal looked grumpy, his emotions blushing red like a just mis-used razor sharp pocketknife.

Then Dr. Hal came inside for a nice drink of hot buttered rum martini.

THE END

Praise for Boss Stang

"I feel like I know Ivan Stang. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the drizzling shits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the rain hammered like rabid thinking polecats is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop

The night of the X-Day changes everything for Puzzling Evidence, a 77-year-old Show Host from Dobbstown. One moment, he is discussing cheeses with his wealthy Uncle, Philo Drummond; the next, watching with horror as reprehensible Bobbies grundle each other. He knows these Bobbies came from Mountain Home but he can't prove it - at least not without some poisonous phonebooks. The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. This one has only 1 hr.  25 mins hours of a 5 hour show. So to say it is a five-hour show would be a flat out lie+.  The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the spacesuits of a well stocked Starship. But the suits are too loose and smell like somebody got sick in them.

Dr. Hal continues to demonstrate extreme Speed-Sleeping, Puzzling and Philo frop until almost 4:00am. The callers are starting to adapt. Puzzling's mix from HOS X-Days past mashed-up their faces as to make carbon-dating practically impossible. SHOCK SHOW: Dr. Hal, Philo and Puzzling decide just to throw down the gauntlet and to go all the way to wall with the callers. The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the gonads of a well hung radio show. But the pants are too tight and cramp our style hence the pantsless approach the ladies like.

The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the parts of a groundbreaking radio show. But the parts belong to a 1960 Rambler and we're gonna sell 'em on E-Bay and get rich. Tonight, the callers are pro-actively non-existent. Then Dr. Hal demonstrates extreme Sleep-Speaking, Puzzling and Philo GROK until almost 4:00am. Then the callers become repetitive and indistinct. The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the stench of a fartbreaking radio show. But the farts belong to a ghost and we're gonna fry 'em for breakwindfast.

The Show immediately goes rogue and starts out teasing "The Boys" by disassembling itself and hiding the important parts under the board.  The Boys spend many fruitless seconds researching alternate locations of the recalcitrant Show parts. Then when it gets too hot, the Show starts crying like a little girl and extinguishes the fire with its tears. But why do they keep talking to this "Steve" guy? The Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA. It has all the legs of a spider show. But the legs are too long and make it hard to walk through doorways without turning sideways.  Get your red hot SubGenius Skull Farming Tree Walking Brain Socket Doktors Improvisational Live Radio Show Streaming Consciouslessness Live 12 Inch Radio Frop here!

Philo, Puzzling and Hal tell the tale of "drugs and sales" to provide a partial history of sacks and bags; Inhibiting Factor describes his Hot Rod while Callers try to redirect the Show. Incredulity gives way to mundaninity. Puzz Ev re-lectures the callers. The Boys steel themselves for Dream Fluff disappointment again (particularly for Philo's progeny). The Callers vote to start a riot in order to get free donuts. The Boys attempt to lay existential blame while climbing with Monte on Mt. Mount. Homework assignment: Basque whistling. Get your red hot SubGenius Skull Farming Tree Walking Brain Socket Doktors Improvisational Live Radio Show Streaming Consciouslessness Live 12 Inch Radio Frop here!

Puzz Ev uncovers a legend about a cursed, tattered sandwich circulating throughout Dobbstown. As soon as anyone uses the sandwich, he or she has exactly 399 days left to live. It makes a person feel like a hairy maggot to touch OR a giant gerbil balancing on a newspaper headline about a crocodile taming accident OR a hooded ostrich ranting about eyebrows. Puzzling notices his warts also have magic properties, he realizes that the curse of the tattered sandwich is true and calls in his guru, J.R."Bob" Dobbs, to help. "Bob" examines the sandwich and willingly joins the queue for a supernatural death. Puzzling and "Bob" pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions. Will Brad Dexter be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

Philo had always loved Dobbstown with its freshly-landed Flying  Saucers. It was a place where he felt thoughtless; a trustworthy,  misaligned, whisky drinker with a massive butt and too-tall nuts. His  friends saw him as a sticky saint. Once, he had even revived a dying,  old baby toddler. That's the sort of man he was.

Then he saw  something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of L'il  G'Broagfran Schmidlap. L'il G'Broagfran was an energetic coward with  porcine butt and emaciated nuts.

Philo stepped outside, L'il  G'Broagfran glared with all the wrath of 9,979 nervous bright  Bespectacled Cave Things. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I  want revenge." Philo looked back, even more like a dumbass, still  fingering the doughnut.

They looked like two hoglike uncles grundeling to the beat.

THE END

In search of Pink infestations, Puzzling Evidence surprises even himself with his mind-over-matter tricks and skill as a Jerk Botherer.  Ensconced, Puzzling rescues a 7-Bladed Windbreaker, an heirloom stolen by Bishop Joey. When Bishop refuses to try napping, Puzzling balks. However, Bishop is wounded at the Battle of the 12 Idiots and the two reconcile just before Puzzling engages in some serious competitive napping. 'My name is Dr. Hal,' said the Giant. 'I come from Paris. I was attacked by a group of Conspiracy Dupes. At least 7000 surrounded me".

Whilst investigating the death of a local supervisor, a courageous muleskinner named Philo Drummond uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, weathered gun circulating  throughout Antarctica. As soon as anyone uses the gun, he or she has  exactly 199 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life,  but when photographed, they look shadowy. A marked person feels like a  blasted dogfish to touch.

Philo gets hold of the gun, refusing to believe the superstition. A  collage of images flash into his mind: a stoned catfish balancing on a  wasted supervisor, an old newspaper headline about an intentional  accident, a hooded lion fish ranting about armpit and a drinking well  located in an invisible place.

When Philo notices his ass has dogfish-like properties, he realizes  that the curse of the weathered gun is true and calls in his pal, a  gravedigger called Ivan Stang, to help.

Ivan examines the gun and willingly submits himself to the curse. He  finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. He finds the stoned  catfish balancing on a wasted supervisor particularly chilling. He joins  the queue for a supernatural death.

Philo and Ivan pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions,  starting with a search for the hooded lion fish. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?