Pickles and Vodka: a Mental Health Podcast

We kick off this episode with a voicemail from Lauren in treatment, then Christina shares why therapy has been a struggle. A listener message sparks a discussion on sadness, injustice, helplessness, and connection. A past guest makes a surprise appearance and offers an unexpected reminder. Enjoy!

Thanks to Orion for today's listener voicemail! Message us on Instagram or use one of the methods below to share your own thoughts.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to say hi:

Joining Christina this week is another Andrew to talk about the events that transpired since they met in a Seattle treatment center in 2021. Topics include chronic addiction rooted in childhood, asking for help and facing your privilege, the importance of maintenance, rock bottoms at Trader Joe's, and sparkly retainers. Content warning for eating disorders, substance abuse, and suicide.

Christina explains the recent lack of episodes and gets real casual real fast. Topics include the heaviness of depression, surrendering to the chaos, shame, smoothies, and what's to come. Special guest appearance by ???

Follow Pickles and Vodka for biweekly polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to say hi:

It’s Lauren’s last episode before treatment, so naturally Christina put her in the hot seat! Listen to hear her share what she’s afraid of, what she’s looking forward to most, what she hopes will be different this time, and why YOU should have some f*cking self compassion. We also talk about what to expect from the pod in the weeks ahead. Enjoy!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for biweekly polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to say hi:

With the days counting down until Lauren returns to treatment, we spend this episode revisiting past stays. Some highlights include contraband caffeine, a possessed Bop-It, what happens when you let people with eating disorders plan a wedding feast, smoke break revelations, and some unexpected breaking of barriers. Enjoy!

Content warning for eating disorders, suicide, and substance abuse.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for biweekly polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to say hi:

We play a listener voicemail sent in response to the question “What’s going on with you?” This unlocks a conversation about fitting in and doing the work in the face of constant existential dread that wants you as miserable as possible. Lauren gives a treatment update, Christina talks about beer, and we disagree about gratitude journals. Enjoy!

Special thanks to Orion (@robotakiss) for this week’s voicemail!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for biweekly polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to start your own conversation:

How do you curate a sense of security in the face of uncertainty? We don't really have the answer, but we DO have lots of anxiety-fueled stories. Tangents this week include introducing parents to friends (and why Christina loves it), which country Lauren is considering escaping to with her dog, and Jodi Picoult. Enjoy!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for biweekly polls, behind-the-scenes updates, or to say hi:

Our listeners respond to the question “What helps when nothing really helps?” We also use a negative experience to start a conversation about accountability, communication, and personal growth. Enjoy!

Special thanks to listeners Heather and Orion for sending in voicemails this week! We really want to send y’all stickers.

Follow Pickles and Vodka to take part in the biweekly poll, send feedback, or just say hi

What do you minimize and why? More importantly, what would it take for you to believe that it’s valid? In this episode, we tackle this question for ourselves and also hear what some of you had to say. Listen to hear how we minimized ourselves into “rock bottom” only to minimize some more, ways we flew under the radar by ignoring our needs, and why we should all be emotional maximalists.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Inspired by tabloid news, your attention-deficit cohosts have a conversation about labels in the mental health world. Topics and tangents include:

CONTENT WARNING: We talk about eating disorders more than usual on this episode, though we try not to go into detail when it comes to behaviors. No pressure to listen if this type of conversation is triggering to you in any way.

Follow Pickles and Vodka to join the conversation or just say hi:

Today's episode draws from listener feedback to discuss ways we can set boundaries for ourselves and what to do when your boundaries aren't respected. Topics (and tangents!) include:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Your imperfect yet oh-so-professional cohosts return in the new year to dish about the past and take a messy look into family dynamics. (Dish about family? Look messily into the past? Take your pick.)

Topics (and tangents) include:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Happy New Year, hot and spicy pickles! Today we are FINALLY releasing the episode we made in Lauren's living room after meeting in person for the first time. We answer listener questions, give out tragic awards, and attempt to hold it together in the only ways we know how. Enjoy! 

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

This week we’re baring it all in an attempt to keep being honest on this stupid show. Topics include:

As we wrap up another year of Pickles and Vodka, we want to thank you for taking a chance and being vulnerable with us. Y’all keep us sane. (Or at least sane-ish.)

We are recording LIVE and IN PERSON for the first time ever next week! Follow us on social media to join the fun:

It's messy, it's nonlinear AF, and it's definitely not for everyone. We are, of course, talking about recovery. Today's Pickle Poll episode draws from listener comments and voicemails to discuss the following:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Find a cozy seat and join us this week as we talk about therapy! Topics include:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

This week we’re talking about the ways we and our listeners have romanticized mental illness in the past, why we trick ourselves into forgetting how bad it actually got, and how to find meaning outside of our pain. Subtopics include:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Christina picked the topic for today’s episode and we ran with it! Join us for an extra vulnerable conversation where we discuss the following:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Today we cover a topic we’ve been wanting to do forever: toxic positivity! Through listener comments and personal stories, we discuss the following:

Other tangents include:

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Today we talk about different types of trauma and whether we agree that distinctions matter. Subtopics include: 

Also included in this episode: 

Enjoy!! 

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Happy Halloween, hot and spicy pickles! Today we discuss the following topics:

On this episode, your infamously imperfect cohosts have a conversation about perfectionism. Subtopics include:

Enjoy! Don’t forget to answer this week’s Pickle Poll by following us on social media below (or answering the question directly below if you're on Spotify!):

IT'S OUR CENTENNIAL, BABY! Christina reminisces about starting Pickles and Vodka by herself in 2018 and what it was like to be bulimic and in active addiction while putting out new episodes every week. Lauren reveals what was going on in her head when she took on the role of cohost and why she's decided to reject toxic recovery dialogues and embrace realism. Most importantly, we discuss the concept of vulnerability and why uncomfortable conversations can be the difference between isolation and healing. We play a bunch of listener voicemails, go on some noteworthy tangents, and feel a lot of feelings. CHEERS, FRIENDS!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

It's a bonus episode! Lauren sits down to tell the story of how she spent the weekend of 9/9 in an ER holding room and then a psych ward. Although we bring our signature humor, this is definitely a more serious episode with mentions of suicide, depression, food/weight, and psychological trauma. Listen with care and stay safe. (Don't worry, there is a hilarious Pickle Palate Cleanser at the end to balance everything out.)

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

In light of the recent changes to Pickles and Vodka, Christina and Lauren finally tackle the topic on everyone's mind these days: burnout! We talk about what burnout ISN'T, preserving energy for the things that energize you, being unable to enjoy free time, tips for coping with and preventing burnout, ways to give your brain a vacation (healthy and not), and why burnout is normal but can lead to more troubling issues down the road. We play some insightful listener voicemails and get unexpectedly emotional over a Tolkien reference. Enjoy! 

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi: 

For the podcast's first EVER movie review, we pick apart To the Bone, the 2017 drama starring Lily Collins and directed by Marti Noxon. Topics include Lifetime stereotypes, the lack of diversity in eating disorder treatment, which scenes triggered us the most, the Keanu Reeves of it all, and what conversations we should be having when it comes to anorexia in the media. Lauren has a hot take about peyote and we compare our real-life treatment experiences with escapades from the film. Enjoy!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Christina brings back a former guest to share some exciting new developments.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Christina tells the tumultuous tale of her recent motorcycle trip, reflects on turning 30 this week, and reads some mental health warning labels submitted by listeners—with a couple surprise guests thrown in for good measure. (Fun fact: this episode was almost titled “Two Gas Cans In”, but then Christina got tired.) Cheers!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Today’s episode features more than a couple of shocking confessions, an obnoxious amount of body positivity, and a chat with Kentucky’s next self-love superhero. Kayla Douthitt talks about having at eating disorder in the south, the seemingly innocuous factors that can lead to insecurities, and what steps parents can take to build healthier body image with their kids. Find the answers to these (and why Christina is banned from Whole Foods) by tuning in!

Christina brings her sister Caroline back on the podcast to answer a question submitted by a relative, which leads to an unhinged (and often hilarious) conversation about growth. The podcast has its first criticism. We learn from listeners which “negative” emotions they were able to reframe and use to the advantage of their mental health. All this (and a lot of weird jokes) can be heard on this episode!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Content warning: this episode contains discussions about suicide/suicidal ideation

Alternate title: Christina learns about Judaism and gets real existential! Writer Nikkole Anjuli calls in to talk about chronic pain, the intersection between physical and mental disability, suicide, psychedelics, and becoming a Jew during COVID. Christina brings up the issue of stagnancy in self-improvement and why it’s not necessarily bad. Catch all this plus a Gandalf surprise in this extra spicy episode of Pickles and Vodka!

It’s an extra special solo episode! Christina celebrates 3 years without alcohol by sharing the never-before-heard details surrounding her last drink and why she dislikes the term “sober”. The second half of the show focuses on life lessons submitted by listeners and the benefits of starting a conversation about mental health...especially when the world is more f*cked than ever before. This is one Pickles and Vodka you don’t want to miss!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Another OG P&V guest returns in this roller coaster of an episode! (And yes, it is heavily peppered with innuendos.) Bianca chats with me about her ongoing breakup and how utterly gut-wrenching it feels to end your first relationship when you gave it your best efforts—even at the expense of your mental health. Tangents include sexual bird talk, Christina being Bianca’s supervisor at Starbucks, making friends as the sad single gorl, and lots more. Enjoy the ride!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Christina returns from a spring break...of sorts. Tune in to hear about the mediocre phenomenon that is faux relapse, feeling high while actually sober, self-censorship, and hiding anxiety. She reads excerpts of a piece written by the podcast's VERY FIRST guest about what he's learned in his 20s, then shares listener answers to last week's poll--including a voice message!! Enjoy this miserable/beautiful episode and don't forget to leave a review about how it made you feel.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Is being in control overrated? Will sober dancing at a wedding ever NOT be awkward? What do Pickles and Vodka listeners consider cheaper than therapy? Is Christina ever going to quit writing the description and publish this?? Find the answers in this short but sweet solo episode!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

This not-quite-solo episode sees the return of Christina’s sister Caroline and introduces listeners to some very questionable habits. The sisters chat about getting your period again in eating disorder recovery, crying while brushing your hair, financial insecurities, soft girls, fear of your first death, and grammatically inappropriate flirting on Marketplace. Christina reads another journal entry from 2012 and reflects on perfectionism, blurring the lines between life and death with drugs, and why a trip to Target is sometimes all you need.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

It’s another short, sleep-deprived solo episode! Christina reveals new and old fears and insecurities, talks about addiction (as usual), reads TWO journal entries from 2012, and gets a little poetic.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Eileen Winn is a queer, neurodivergent, agender writer and poet from Ohio. They also happen to be getting their master's in Florida while going through a divorce after coming out as a lesbian to their husband of 10 years. And that's just the beginning! Listen for a gleeful descent into the world of gender, parentification, Tumblr, cats, societal conformity, and making meaning out of being miserable. 

Eileen is currently earning their MFA from Florida Atlantic University. They work on the editorial boards of Swamp Ape Review and Alien Literary Magazine. You can find their work in (or forthcoming from) the 2020 Sundress Anthology Best of the Net, Cherry Tree, The Shore, in the Breakup Book anthology from Purpled Palm Press, and more. Without purple pens, much of their work would not exist. Follow them on Instagram @shift.aced or on Twitter @weirdmuseum.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

This week's solo episode is short but sweet! Christina reads a journal entry from 2012 and addresses why we feel guilty for having good things, trauma comparisons, assigning meaning to "failure", and whether or not you deserve to get help and feel happy. (Spoiler: you do.) Don't forget to rate and subscribe wherever you're listening from!

We’re starting off 2022 with a bang! This episode features David Khallili, a licensed marriage & family therapist who specializes in sex anxiety, queer multi-ethnic issues, polyamory & kink, and so much more. (Seriously, it’s ridiculous how versatile he is!) Listen to hear him talk about growing up as a first generation American, his years of working at a sex shop and what it taught him, how he got into his field, and whether or not it’s possible to raise your kid not to be an asshole. Christina starts off the episode with a bloody story and a live mindfulness exercise. Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! 

It's that time of year again! (If you said "time to voice our strong opinions on New Year's resolutions", you're only partly accurate.) That's right, we've arrived at the 3rd annual Hot & Spicy Pickle Awards, where Christina recognizes 2021 guests of the podcast and reflects on all the lessons they’ve taught us. Sparkly attire optional.

Join Christina as she attempts to summarize the utterly insane rollercoaster ride through mental health that was the year 2021! She covers what it was like to ask for help and go to treatment for bulimia, leaving a secure job and moving across the country to be closer to family, misadventures in unemployment, the importance of having a ho phase, sobriety and harm reduction, showing gratitude to herself as well as her supporters, and a WHOOOLE lot more. Bonus content includes a mother-daughter Q&A intro with former guest Ginger Lou Jumper as well as a special segment featuring holiday recs–and anti-recs–from listeners. 

Follow Pickles and Vodka for updates, guest inquiries, or to say hi:

Eli is an elementary school teacher who lives, works, and dates in Brooklyn. Her secret? She got engaged to a man she met online, then flew overseas to help when he revealed he had a terminal illness. The events that ensued not only changed Eli as a person, but changed the way she felt about human connection in general.

Part 1 today covers Eli’s early exposures to death, how her grief led to a number of comorbidities, why nobody wants to plan for their own death, telling people about your deep dark past, and more.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

It's another solo episode! This week, Christina reveals why she went off the grid and what's been helping her ease back into sanity. Topics include getting blindsided, staying hopeful in a sea of disappointment, getting stuck in the shame cycle, and the joys of crying in your car. As is the new podcast tradition, she revisits another journal entry from 2009 and comes face to face with some uncomfortable truths. Comic relief appears in the form of a viral tweet and self-deprecating humor.

This week's recs:

- Mental Illness by Aimee Mann

- Once Twice Melody by Beach House

- Dopesick on Hulu

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

Today's episode is a tale that spans 3 continents and provides an unflinching look into one couple's dreams, tragedies, and recovery. Jérémie André recounts growing up as an emotional late bloomer, how gratitude training helped him express affection to his parents for the first time at 31, meeting the love of his life in Australia, and the heartbreaking journey they were forced to endure in their quest for a family. Content warnings for suicide, miscarriage, and abortion.

Christina reveals some exciting changes to the podcast before diving into the dusty pages of a 12 year-old journal. Tangents this week include beach mishaps, TikTok, dystopian sci-fi, and when you should let yourself be extra. Content warning for mentions of self-harm.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

Mary returns to finish telling the story of her abortion and the impact it had on her physical and mental health.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

This week, Christina's friend Mary opens up about her recent abortion as well as the path her life took to lead up to it. She describes growing up as an only child in a religious household, guilt around food from an early age, bipolar disorder, changing views on sex following an assault, substance use, messy relationships, and more. As you can tell, this episode covers especially sensitive topics and listener discretion is advised. Take care of yourselves and stay tuned for Part 2 next week!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

When Leticia Francis recalls healing from a toxic relationship with her groomer, she means figuratively AND literally! Listen to this episode to hear the unbelievable true story of how Leticia coped with childhood abandonment and rejection, how it almost destroyed her life, and how she uses her experiences to help women gain clarity and confidence in their careers. Content warning for grooming, suicide, and descriptions of violence.

Hold on to your hats, because this week features a riveting interview with Adam "Lutch" Lutchman, host of I Didn't Read Your Book, recovering Catholic, and recreational philosopher. We talk about unlikely friendships, the psychology behind the judgements we make, being an influencer vs being someone of influence, and how to accept your authentic self when your authentic self is always changing. Content warning for suicide, accidental death, abortion talk, and self-harm.⁠

This one goes out to all you creatives out there! In today's episode, Nadya Goest of Expression Quest podcast gets real about her chronic perfectionism and what she went through before taking herself seriously as an artist. Topics include her immigrant background, what it means to be punk, the importance of keeping your work and art separate, why it's ok to half-ass something, and some lessons she's learned through interviewing artists from a variety of backgrounds. Go listen wherever you get your podcasts!

What are the real costs of eating disorders that nobody talks about? Join Christina and her sister Caroline as they discuss aspects of their illness  they wish they'd known from the beginning, including dental disasters, going into debt, losing all your friends, and room-clearing farts. (Yes, they went there.) There's a surprise appearance from another past guest, then Christina reads a sobering letter from a listener that proves that nobody is invincible as they think they are. Content warning for mentions of suicide, food, and weight.

Christina interviews mental health writer Becca about her plethora of problems, including a recent discovery that turned her head upside down. Topics include familial trauma, eating disorders, addiction, maladaptive daydreaming, raw vulnerability, and finding the silver linings. It's Christina's last week in Seattle, so the podcast will take a short break while she moves across the country. Follow Pickles and Vodka on social media for riveting updates!

It's Christina's birthday weekend, so we're taking a break from our normal content. This short yet emotional minisode covers fear of recovery, what to say when people ask how they can help, podcasting faux pas, retiring your twenties, and why you deserve to f*cking eat. Content warning for bulimia and suicidal ideation.

For the first time in this podcast's history, Christina brings her ex-boyfriend on as a guest! Listen to hear Andrew Stevens talk about his nonverbal learning disorder, living in Seattle with anxiety, being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their mental health, and much more! So sit back, relax, and get ready for a fun (and sometimes incredibly awkward) ride.

Follow Andrew on Twitter @ajstevenswrites for links to all his publications!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

This episode features Jacqueline Davis, host of the Binge Breakers podcast, bulimia coach, and Christina's not-so-secret role model. Tune in to hear Jacqueline reveal how she became a coach, the years of eating disorders she endured prior, how to tell your partner your secret, the correlation between bulimia and substance abuse, what it means to be "normal", and so much more. Christina gushes about Midwestern accents and urges listeners to reconsider the importance of their stories. It's a packed episode and we both hope you enjoy!

Joining the podcast for our final episode of Pride Month is Micah Roldan, a trans activist, educator, mentor, and YouTuber. He shares all about his rocky childhood descent into manic depression telling his wife he was trans, being socialized as a woman of color and then being thrust into a male world, dealing with mental and emotional ramifications of transitioning, and how our identities can put us in boxes. Content warning for drugs and suicide.

Follow Micah on Instagram @realisticallyfree for links to his YouTube channel and his podcast!

Bea is a juvenile mental health education speaker, recovering from an eating disorder that started when she was 14, and queer advocate who talks about her recent explorations into the world of polyamory. She and Christina discuss casual puberty things, starting your sexual experiences early, how to respond to comments about your body, telling your parents about your multiple partners, talking to kids about depression and suicide, and so much more! Christina talks about podcast-related anxiety and may cry into her seltzer at some point. Content warning for sex, descriptions of appearances including weight, and suicide.

Follow Bea on Instagram and TikTok @butterfliesandbeas to learn more about the cool things she's doing in the mental health space!

Get ready to feel all the feelings with me and my guest today! Kye Plant is a Canadian artist, musician, mental health advocate, and host of the Feelin Weird podcast. In this episode, they share the events that led up to creating the podcast, their views toward mind-altering substances, what it's like to feel like an alien in a human capitalist society, and how they choose to exist in the world. This one is especially awkward in the best possible way. Enjoy the ride!

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! Joining Christina on air this week is Rachel Lynn Taylor, a self-identifying queer fat woman who just got out of treatment for atypical anorexia. Topics covered include starting over in your late 20s due to mental illness, the fat liberation movement and what it means to have an eating disorder in a larger body, chronic pain and disabilities, coming out as bisexual in the church, and being who she wants to be in spite of her many challenges. Christina talks about debilitating anxiety, shot girl summer, and...shin splints? Tune in to hear all!

Buckle up for a rocky drive as Christina reconnects with fellow motorcyclist and artist Adele Ball, who joins the podcast to talk about her life-changing journey through grief, vulnerability, and healing. Adele shares about the devastating loss of someone close to her, driving across the country in a van she built with her former partner's dad, suppressing emotions through self-harm and eating disorders, and reaching out to an online support group. Christina spends the intro talking about her 2-year soberversary, imposter syndrome, and some exciting podcast news. Content warning for suicide and eating disorders.

This episode features Marconi, internet comedian and host of suicidelogs, a podcast about distracting yourself from suicide by talking about every topic under the sun. He and Christina get into why he chose that name for his show, anxiety and cannabis as a coping skill, how podcasting changed him, and his random phobia of babies. Christina spends the intro revisiting the theme of relapse and why we need to change the language surrounding recovery. Content warning for suicide and drugs.

Chas Neal of Man.Kind Counseling chats with Christina about why he started a psychotherapy practice for men, the dangers of toxic positivity, what growing up in the South taught him about priorities and why it was problematic, the truth about addiction in the therapy world, and more! Listen to Christina talk about mental health awareness and why her cat may be taking over the podcast. Enjoy!

Joining the podcast is Lauren, a 41 year-old eating disorder sufferer and treatment veteran. She and Christina talk about the struggles of paying for treatment, what happens when your insurance fucks you over, the stimulating world of laxative abuse, and The Best Little Girl in the World. Christina admits to messing up and describes how to avoid a full relapse. Enjoy!

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

This week, Rob Kalwarowsky is here to talk about performance anxiety, being a self-professed psycho high achiever, what to do when told you’re just not “depressed enough”, and lots more! Christina gives another life update and is a general hot mess. Content warning for suicide.

In lieu of a guest this week, Christina turns to some of her old audio journal entries in order to reflect on just how much she's changed in the last 6 months. Listen to hear brutal honesty, raw emotion, some crying, and maybe a brief catfight. Content warnings for mentions of bulimia and substance abuse.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates:

It's the first episode of 2021! This interview--recorded before Christina went to treatment--features Rachel, a formerly incarcerated mother of two and survivor of relational trauma. Their conversation is about having too many feelings, being honest with yourself, the catharsis of vulnerability, escaping a toxic relationship, how to give yourself true freedom. (There may or may not be sad music involved.) Christina provides a brief update about her time in treatment so far. Enjoy!

Content warning: This episode contains mentions of suicidal ideation, relational trauma, and religion.

Follow Pickles and Vodka for more updates: