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Poly Pages

Poly Pages

By Poly Pages

The Academic Non-Monogamous podcast, reading the texts that have shaped our community and culture. BOOKS!

In Season one, Sebastian and Claire are closely reading The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton [3rd edition] chapter by chapter, discussing the ideas in an unabridged way, adding extra info where needed, and suggesting extra readings.

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Currently playing episode

17 - Making Agreements

Poly Pages Jun 29, 2020

00:00
56:49
3 - Preventing Polyamorous Break-ups w/ Polyamorous While Asian

3 - Preventing Polyamorous Break-ups w/ Polyamorous While Asian

In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Michelle Hy from Polyamorous While Asian: polyamorous blogger, content creator and fresh from the Smith's Red Table. In this episode they discuss Part Two of the book and ways to prevent polyamorous break-ups.

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Michelle on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.

More on Gottmans's Four Horsemen can be found here 

Jul 22, 202235:21
2 - Surviving Polyamorous Break-ups w/ Sydney Rae Chin
May 20, 202233:08
1 - Why We Break Up w/ Ready for Polyamory
May 09, 202240:03
EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT

EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT

Decoupling in Polyamory; a global live event, on the 9th January. Get tickets at here, at www.polypages.org/events, or join our Patreon as an Early Bird Supporters and get in completely free. www.patreon.com/polypages 

De-coupling is the transition from a partnership - usually romantic and intimate - to another dynamic. In polyamorous dynamics, break-ups often include a period of transition; from lovers to friends, from metamours to acquittances, or even to strangers. In this one-off, live event - join three polyamorous and relationship educators in a global conversation about how to navigate de-coupling in healthy, productive and supported ways. Facilitated by Poly Pages, this panel includes Evita Sawyers, Andy Adams, and Sydney Rae Chin

Join this is a facilitated discussion around the causes of polyamorous breakups, the unique challenges de-coupling presents for polyam folx, and some skills and scripts for individuals and communities to make decoupling easier/less harmful.

Jan 02, 202102:02
BONUS - Life History and Multi-Partner Mating

BONUS - Life History and Multi-Partner Mating

In this bonus episode, Claire is joined by Andy Adams, from the Growth Arc. Together they read through Life History and Multi-Partner Mating: A Novel Explanation for Moral Stigma Against Consensual Non-monogamy. The article uses a new categorization for CNM - either multi-partner or open relationship. And they exclude non-consensual non-monogamy (yay!). But was Life History Theory the best explanation for their findings? What does risk and romance have to do with one another? And do people assume the worst of one another? 

This article was published in 2020, and was written by Mogilski, Justin & Mitchell, Virginia & Reeve, Simon & Donaldson, Sarah & Nicolas, Sylis & Welling, Lisa. It was published in Frontiers in Psychology, 10 (10.3389/fpsyg.2019.03033). 

The Growth Arc is an educational-based coaching program for your relationships needs - whether that’s a relationship with yourself, another person, or multiple people. You can find The Growth Arc on Facebook, Instagram, twitter, and of course at https://www.thegrowtharc.com/.

Life History Theory as presented by Claire draws on the library of resources found here and you can find Sarah Hill’s interview on puberty and Life History Theory on the ‘Here We Are’ podcast episode 126.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Oct 16, 202046:19
BONUS - Somerville Domestic Partnerships

BONUS - Somerville Domestic Partnerships

In this bonus episode, Sebastian is joined by special guest co-host Matthew Thomas, a polyamorous lawyer from Somerville, MA to talk about a recently passed ordinance which expands the definition of domestic partnership beyond two people. Not only is this an incredible step forward for poly people, but this ordinance is likely the first of its kind in the US. Join Matt and Sebastian as they talk about how this came to be and what it might mean for us going forward.

Additional resources:

The Poly-friendly directory of legal professionals can be found here.

Diana Adams, Esq. who's NYC firm specializes in family law can be found here.

The ordinance in question can be viewed here.

For another discussion on Polyamory and the Law, see here for ep 167 by the Multiamory pod.

**Note: Matthew is a practicing lawyer in Massachussetts but is not an expert in family law. Our discussion is not meant to be legal advice, but a general discussion of the ordinance and its possible implications. If you need legal support or advice regarding polyamorous or non-traditional family structures please consult someone who specializes in this including those listed in the resources above.

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Jul 31, 202035:34
18 - Opening an Existing Relationship

18 - Opening an Existing Relationship

In chapter 18, Dossie and Janet are talking about a stereotypical if problematic entry point to non-monogamy. A person in a dyad (couple) has got involved with an outside lover, and this is the impetus for discussions about opening up your partnership to accommodate. Although neither of our hosts have come to polyamory this way, Claire and Sebastian take us through the quintessential moments of anger, discussion, guilt, and risk-taking that you might be experiencing as you begin to open up. 

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.

Show Notes:

Serial monogamy is introduced in ‘Ep 4 - Slut Styles’

Guilt is explored in ep 239 of Multiamory Pod

Information on Franklin Veaux can be found in this medium article,

Anger as a helpful emotion - there is a great article to get your starter, and of course the noted ep 205 of Multiamory Pod

For couples opening up for the first time, Claire begs you not to ask your new unicorn/third all your questions. Here are some polyam-friendly therapists/professionals for you to pay and use: The Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory, The Kink Aware Professionals Directory (KAP), The Open List, The Polyamory Loving More Member Professionals List, The “Meet our Experts” section of The Affirmative Couch.

Jul 06, 202053:14
Minisode: 8 steps to win-win conflict resolution

Minisode: 8 steps to win-win conflict resolution

This exercise is called ‘8 steps to win-win conflict resolution’ and is found in Chapter 17 of the Ethical Slut (3rd edition). For the full chapter, please see the full episode: Making Agreements (Ep17) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to agree solutions for an issue in any relationship, and requires uninterrupted time with your partner(s) as well as a whiteboard or piece of paper. 

This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Jul 05, 202027:56
17 - Making Agreements

17 - Making Agreements

Claire and Sebastain, 2 polyamorous people, are talking about making agreements. After fangirling over a great definition of consent - ‘the active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all concerned’- Claire and Sebastain talk about the power of making explicit our agreements. Avoiding legalistic hair splitting, moral condemnation, manipulation, and loophole-finding and figure out how to start making the agreements you need to open up your relationship.

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.


Show Notes:

Social Contact Theory is well introduced in Ethics in Law Enforcement by Steve McCartney and Rick Parent 

The difference between agreements and rules by poly coach.

Kitchen Table Polyamory is defined in Jess Mahler’s 2016 article.

One Penis Policy is described here as a version of Polygyny 

Jun 29, 202056:49
Minisode: Feelings Dyad

Minisode: Feelings Dyad

This exercise is called ‘Feelings Dyad’ and is found in Chapter 16 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Embracing Conflict (ep 16) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to share your feelings in a safe and open way and requires about 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time with a partner. This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Jun 28, 202026:11
16 - Embracing Conflict

16 - Embracing Conflict

Claire and Sebastian are talking about conflict in intimate relationships. We have probably learnt that conflict is bad, and we don't usually spend a lot of time thinking about how we behave in and after conflicts. Dossie and Janet contend that conflict is actually a good thing, giving us opportunities to learn more about each other and ourselves.

If you are polyamorous/non-monogamous there are going to be more times for conflict to crop up because more people are involved, and will have less practice and support for resolving them.

In this episode, we talk about about how to act better in a fight or disagreement. What is the difference between venting and constructive disagreement? How do you avoid triggering each other? What are some quick communication tool to upgrade your conflict communication inc a time out, i-messages and journaling?

Check out our minisode for this chapter's homework here!

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.


Show notes:

Multiamory offer a wonderful crash course in ep 151, here, and also cover toxic habits in relationships in ep 223, here.

Brene Brown Netflix Special: The Call to Courage

The Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage, by George Robert Bach, Peter Wyden 

Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life  by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Use You're Words by Dr Stephanie K Webb

See Ep 8: Abundance here

Jun 22, 202057:37
Minisode: Treasures
Jun 19, 202005:33
Minisode: 15 ways to be kind to yourself
Jun 18, 202004:17
Minisode: Reassurance
Jun 17, 202006:35
Minisode: How do you experience jealousy?
Jun 16, 202007:59
15 - Roadmaps through Jealousy

15 - Roadmaps through Jealousy

As Part Three kicks off,  Claire and Sebastian talk through Chapter 15 and it's all about the green-eyed monster: what is jealousy? why is it scary? should we avoid it or learn how to work with it? This episode is packed full of excellent resources on how to speak about jealousy, how to self-sooth when you are experiencing it, and how to exercise sharing jealousy safely. Claire also rants about the way jealousy is depicted in mono-culture, and Sebastian talks us through the 'relationship escalator'. 

Don't forget to check for homework exercises in mini-sodes! 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 15.4

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - hello@polypages.org - for any questions or comments.

Show Notes:

Check out Probably Poly live show on Jealousy here

Check out Multiamory podcast, ep 217 on the Science of Jealousy here and ep 110 on Deconstructing Jealousy here

Some other good resources are given on the Affirmative Couch blog post here

Jun 15, 202001:07:31
STATUS UPDATE

STATUS UPDATE

Claire and Sebastian slide into your feed to give you a little status update. 

After six months of hiatus, Poly Pages is ramping up to release Part Three of Season One entitled "Navigating Challenges". And we are giving you plenty of time to dust off your copy of The Ethical Slut and get ready! Check out the chapter-by-chapter recap on our Instagram @polypages, and look out for Part Three coming soon!

And as a special thank you for bearing with us, we leave you with the complete cut of Curtains by Mint Green, which you usually hear in our intro/outro. Mint Green can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. We highly recommend purchasing their entire EP Growth. 

Jun 01, 202005:49
BONUS - Non-monogamy agreements and safer sex behaviors
Jan 05, 202001:07:15
BONUS - Polyamory as Identity, Sexual Orientation, or Intimate Practice

BONUS - Polyamory as Identity, Sexual Orientation, or Intimate Practice

In this freestanding bonus episode, Claire and Sebastian are joined by special guest co-host Michael Hagg to discuss whether Polyamory is an identity, intimate practice or sexual orientation. In their 2014  article, Kleese surveys academic and activist discussions on sexual orientation and traces contradictory voices in current debates on polyamory. 

While some consider polyamory to be nothing more than a convenient label for their current relationship constellations or a handy tool for communicating their willingness to enter more than one relationship at a time, others claim it as one of their core identities. But is there something political in using sexual orientation language? Could polyamory join the LGBTQIA+ movement? And how much do labels actually help us in the first place?

Polyamory: Intimate practice, identity or sexual orientation? by Christian Klesse was first published February 5, 2014. This can be found on Sage Pub here. We also mention another Kleese article in this episode, regarding 'slippery slope' arguments made about polyamory, which can be found here

To hear more from Michael Haff, we urge you to check out Probably Poly! For more on the Young Poly Carolinas you can see their facebook here, or listen to their Probably Poly guest episode here


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Dec 06, 201958:52
14 - Childrearing

14 - Childrearing

In Chapter 14, Childrearing, Claire and Sebastian cover media representation of multi-parent households, how to talk to your kids about sex and non-monogamy, and how to navigate entering and exiting family structures as a solo-poly. But there is an elephant in the room but not in the book - culture. Claire talks about childrearing in polyamorous units across Eastern Africa and Sebastian explains how culture influences sex ed. To finish up this chapter, and Part Two of The Ethical Slut, we talk about Wonderwomen and the polycule that birthed her. 


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Music is provided by @mintgreenmusic.

Show Notes: 

A brief history of television and diverse family portrayal can be found here.

The articles Sebastian mentioned discussing whether raising children in polyamorous households is beneficial can be found: in this article in Psychology Today, this Vice article, and this Reddit thread. There are many other articles and editorials out there. 

The articles Claire speaks about on multi-parent households in Eastern Africa can be found here and here. The a specific discussion based on studies in Tanzania can be found here, and the rebuttal can be found here.

Children’s books that are referenced here are: ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ by J Sanders and These are My Eyes, This is My Nose, This is My Vulva, These are My Toes by Lexx Brown James

Check out Sex Positive Families on Instagram for sex positive resources, booklists, podcasts and blogs.

Healthline offers a platform for queer sex-ed, available here.

An interesting article on the ways your family can protect multi-parent living a rights-based way is found on LGBT Bar here.

Other podcast episodes to check out:

The Multiamory podcast, episode 171, is available here, on raising children featuring E Sheff.

The KNP podcast, episode 4, is available here, on Prof Marston and Wonderwomen.

For more on the Dominance Submission model of behavior pioneered by Marston please see the history of DiSC.

Nov 22, 201946:55
13 - Keeping Sex Safe

13 - Keeping Sex Safe

Let's talk about sex. Chapter 13 is brought to you from bed, as Claire and Sebastian discuss how to keep your sex life safe. From barriers to family planning to drugs and alcohol we explore safety from all sides. No matter your relationships, or the type of intimacy you are engaging in it is essential that you be informed before making decisions. In this episode we provide many resources to learn about safer sex practices as well as information on STIs, testing and family planning. Sebastian also provides a history of condoms and contraception - did you know turtle shell was once used to make condoms? and crocodile dung was used as birth control in ancient Egypt?

*Disclaimer - We are not sexual health experts or health care providers. If you have any questions or concerns about your specific health needs please consult a professional.*

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou.


Show notes:

The difference between safe and safer sex is explained here.

myONE condoms are made to measure condoms, available for order here.

Discussion within the communities – including couple privilege which is not discussed here– is covered in this XCBDSM article here.

A fun up-to-date infographic on the differences between PrEP and PEP can be found here. A locator for a US provider can be found here.

Testing windows can be found here, courtesy of the fantastic STI Project. The STI Project is a wonderful online community fighting stigma surrounding STI’s in USA. We strongly encourage checking them out - https://thestiproject.com/. The CDC recommendations mentioned can be found here.

www.myhometests.com offers CAP and CLIA accredited lab testing processing for home testing kits with results available on any device, in the USA.

Go to a Planned Parenthood for more information on anything you have heard today.

Types of birth control can be found here and these are free available on the NHS in the UK. 

Information on the copper IUD can be found here.

TIME did a wonderful article on the male birth control pill, found here.

This amazing movement about abortion deserves a shout out, see Shout Your Abortion.

Ella Now is a great provider which offers no-cost overnight delivery of the morning after pill (called ella but referred to in this podcast as Plan B) to mainland USA. In addition, if you live in one of the following states, your local pharmacist can give you a prescription for ella: Alaska, California, Hawaii, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Vermont, Washington.

Nov 15, 201949:52
12 - Flirting and Cruising

12 - Flirting and Cruising

Can we buy you a drink? Claire and Sebastian talk about flirting and cruising in Chapter 12 and what those really mean. Is it possible to flirt without any other motive? And how do gender and identity impact our approaches to flirting and approaching others? Claire adds that online dating has drastically changed how people interact. Sebastian emphasizes the fun of flirting purely for the sake of it, and we dive deeper into moving from flirting to cruising and how to approach that in an honest and open way. 

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages, and on Pateron: Patreon.com/polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.


Show Notes:

We talk more expansively about different relationship types and norms based on identity and sexuality in Episode 3 - Slut Styles.

For a longer discussion on when and/or how  to come out you can listen to Probably Poly Episode 23.

To get a greater insight on how neurodivergence can impact dating we recommend Probably Poly Episode 36.

Nov 08, 201956:58
11 - The Unethical Slut

11 - The Unethical Slut

Claire and Sebastian talk about how NOT to do polyamory. The ethics of multi-partner living are discussed through examples of poor behavior outlined in Chapter 11 of the Ethical Slut. Claire and Sebastian both have new examples to add to the mix - begging the questions, is polyamory different in the modern internet driven world of dating? Slut-shaming, ghosting and unicorn hunting are all under attack.

You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

___

Show notes

For some articles on non-ethical unicorn hunting see this article in The Stranger, and this article in Medium.  For those interested in how to approach unicorn-hunting ethically please see this live show by Multiamory

The CDC offers guidance on the legality of knowingly infecting others, see links here and here

Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast can be found here 

Catfishing has been explored in this article. 

An overview of passive-aggressive use of social media – including breadcrumbing -  can be found on Elite Daily (here

The Church of All worlds hold the original essay on their site here as well as information on the Green Egg Magazine 

Vice profiled Oberon Zell-Ravenheart here.

Nov 01, 201951:47
10 - Boundaries

10 - Boundaries

As we dive into the murky waters of Chapter 10, Boundaries, Claire and Sebastian find themselves disappointed. A clear understanding of boundaries is fundamental to your health, happiness and your polyamory, and a hot topic in the community. So listen as our hosts attempt to paint a clear picture of what the authors are trying to say. 


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

_______

Show notes

We strongly encourage you to listen to episode 178 of the Multiamory podcast, found here, in which they cover the basics of boundaries. Also see the short video by Relationship Anarchy here, on the difference between rules and boundaries. 

Whilst we speak quickly on BDSM, it is important to note that the word 'boundary' and 'limit' have a specific meaning within kink scene play and negotiation and we do not cover this here. For more on this we suggest Perverted Podcast, found here.

Oct 25, 201951:28
9 - Slut Skills

9 - Slut Skills

In Episode 9, Slut Skills, we look at Hardy and Dossie’s suggested tools for successful relationships. Claire uncovers the philosophical assumptions implied in this chapter, and we suggest some additions to our metaphorical toolbelt – saying sorry, defining words, forgiveness of others, assuming the best. Finishing up, Sebastian sets us all some affirmation-themed homework, and we talk about shame and curiosity.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram
@polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

--

Show Notes

Communication as a skill can be developed in many ways. An introduction to active listening and conscious talking is given here.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (1992) by Gary Chapman is available on Amazon here

Zarnitsyn, A. (2015). The Cognitive Value of Fiction in Thought Experiments in Personal Identity. The Journal of Aesthetic Education, 49(2), 62-81. is available here

Abuse is serious, real and there is support available. For an introduction to gaslighting please see this article by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If you are affected by these, or fear someone you know is affected, please contact RAINN in the USA, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the UK. 

For those interested in the theories of causation and emotions, we invite you to read the introduction to theories of emotions available here

For an introduction into the role of shame in society, we invite you to read Nir, Bina (2018). The individual and society: the social role of shame in the Journal of Philosophical Criticism 1 (2):36-70. Available here. 

Coria-Avila, Genaro A et al. “The role of orgasm in the development and shaping of partner preferences.” Socioaffective neuroscience & psychology vol. 6 is available here



Oct 18, 201959:36
8 - Abundance

8 - Abundance

Claire and Sebastian dive into Part Two of the Ethical Slut, and in Chapter 8 we tackle Abundance. There is more than you need! Unpacking the imagined fear of starvation, we find that sex, love, friendship and support are probably never going run out if we all just chill a little bit. When talking about finite resources such as time, money, space and stuff, we offer some helpful anecdotes about how to navigate and overcome those limitations. And what about sex? The biological limitations of our bodies require us to rework our definition of sex and intimacy. We finish up with our snapshot of the Oneida Community - an original hub of abundant love, support and nurturing. 


Show notes

The quote from Lynne Twist is taken from her book – The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life, which is reviewed on goodreads.com here.

Recommended reading for attachment theory: Understanding Attachment and Attachment Disorders: Theory, Evidence and Practice in Child and Adolescent Mental Health (by Vivien Prior and Danya Glaser, 2006) on Amazon here.

NRE is explained wonderfully in the Probably Poly Podcast episode 29

Tips for safely sharing sex toys can be found here, courtesy of Refinery29.com

On the folly of orgasm-centred loving, check out Humans In Love Podcast, episode 3.

A beginning to understanding sex after PTSD check out Wear Your Voice.

You can check out Oneida House here.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Oct 11, 201953:05
BONUS - Poly-Hegemonic Masculinities

BONUS - Poly-Hegemonic Masculinities

In this freestanding bonus episode, Claire and Sebastian are joined by special guest co-host Michael Greer to discuss how masculinity is defined and challenged in non-monogamous spaces. In her 2006 article, Sheff explores the ways that polyamorous men, through their emotional expressions and management, are complicit with, subordinate to, and resistant of hegemonic codes of masculinity.

But what elements of the hegemonic masculinity complex are carried into poly spaces?  Is emotional labour more egalitarian in non-mono spaces? How does the alpha male work when sexual monogamy is abandoned? Are men more 'woke' if they are poly? And what does all of this mean for the women who love them?

Poly-Hegemonic Masculinities by Elisabeth Sheff was first published December 1, 2006. This can be found on Sage Pub here. For more from this author – which is a lot – please see her personal website here.

NB: Sheff does not use the terms ‘toxic masculinity’ or ‘prototypical male’ in this article. Your hosts do use these in this episode to refer to different facets of Hegemonic Masculinity. We apologize for the confusion. 


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Sep 22, 201901:02:59
7 - Infinite Possibilities

7 - Infinite Possibilities

Claire and Sebastian connect long distance to discuss the many different ways we relate to one another.  From monkish celibacy to orgies to multiple life partners, there are so many way to practice intentional relationships it's almost overwhelming. But Claire and Sebastian still find something missing and talk about political anarchy, metamours and the relationship escalator. This episode was our first recorded long-distance with Claire in Cambridge, UK and Sebastian still stateside. 

Show Notes:

The relationship between Kiney’s infamous ‘X’ category to modern day asexuality is explore by Justin J. Lehmiller (2017) by the The Psychology of Human Sexuality. John Wiley & Sons.

Asexual flag as per the Asexual Visibility and Education Network found here.

Also see the Trevor Project here.

We will not give airtime to discussing this particular sub-section of celibate persons given the recent terror attacks on women. We recommend episode 120 of the podcast Reply All, which cover the history of the ‘InvCEL’ or ‘InCEL’ community.

Relationship Anarchy was introduced by Andie Nordgren as a political manifesto. See here. It was also used in 2010 Open Con and in 2013 by Dr Meg-John Barker in her lecture ‘Rewriting the Rules: Non/monogamies’.

Solo-poly is outlined well in an article by Polyamory Today on Medium, written by Shannon Ashley and available here.

Poly Wanna Podcast discuss the Relationship Escalator in episode 14.

For more on the difference between Prescriptive and Descriptive Hierarchy see this fun post by Chelsey Dagger on Polyfor.us

Metamour is introduced by Polyamory School on Medium and can be found here.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Sep 06, 201957:31
6 - Building a Culture of Consent

6 - Building a Culture of Consent

**Trigger warning: In this episode we discuss consent in depth as well as violations of consent and different types of trauma. If this is something you aren’t comfortable hearing or thinking about, please don’t listen to this episode. Know that you are not alone, it will get better, and we love you. ** 

How can we build an intentional culture of consent? In Episode 6, Claire and Sebastian examine some of the barriers to and benefits of building just such a culture. This chapter examines consent not only from the perspective of polyamorous relationships, but also for any relationships and more broadly how to build a community culture of consent. Next, we discuss common reactions to breaches consent and why these are both unproductive and often damaging. Finally, the chapter explores the specific implications of a culture of consent on polyamory and we talk about how to encourage a consenting and open culture. The chapter ends with a vignette on love “Clean love is love without expectation.” 

Show notes: 

Claire’s suggested guides and readings to help with trauma: 

Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists, by Suzette Boon, Onno van der Hart, Kathy Steele 

Trust After Trauma - A Guide to Relationships for Survivors and Those Who Love Them, by Aphrodite T. Matsakis 

Evicting The Perpetrator: A Male Survivor’s Guide for Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse, by Ken Singer 

Overcoming Trauma and PTSD - A Workbook Integrating Skills from ACT, DBT, and CBT, by Sheela Raja 

You can find iSurvivor by Wondery here

Learn more about restorative justice in high schools in this article and this report by the WestEd Justice and Prevention Resource Center. 

This recent article about Aziz Ansari talks about what happened and where it is at now. Aziz also talks about the situation in his recent Netflix special 'Right Now.'


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Aug 30, 201953:17
5 - Battling Sex Negativity

5 - Battling Sex Negativity

In Episode 5, Claire and Sebastian enumerate the multiple barriers to safe, positive sexual and romantic relationships. From the lack of legal support for consensual, multiple partner living to the shame we carry inside ourselves. From lack of access to comprehensive family planning, to cultural norms that slut shame and victim blame. It's a cruel world out there. This chapter concludes by discussing Easton and Hardy's through experiment - if sex workers were judged like any other workers - and explain the differences between decriminalization and legalization. 

This chapter is prefaced by the end of Episode 4 - a spotlight on Black and Poly (can be visited here).


Show Notes

Crystal (@crystalbfarmer) was interviewed on the NNM podcast (episode 38) which you can listen to here.

Polyam sub-reddit can be accessed here.

This edition of the Ethical Slut is informed by Dylan Miles Esq,  mediation and family lawyer who can be found here (although he is not at the time of release, taking on new clients).

For DIY legal documents, the publishing company NOLO press.

If you are a lawyer or legal academic able and willing to give advise, be featured on a guest episode, or wishing to expand or correct anything we have said on this episode please contact us on polypages@gmail.com.

If you are a sex worker, former or current, and are able and willing to give advise, be featured on a guest episode, or wishing to expand or correct anything we have said on this episode please contact us on polypages@gmail.com.

We expand on types of CNM in Episode 7 – Slut Styles.

Disclaimer – the thought experiment at the end of the episode is led from the chapter and regarding sex work. We acknowledge our language is not politically correct in parts of this and promise this does not come from a place of judgement, hate or disrespect (obviously).


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Aug 23, 201950:54
4 - Slut Styles

4 - Slut Styles

Back at it, Sebastian and Claire are still together in Boston because Claire has missed her flight! They talk about all the ways 'sluthood' has been expressed through the ages, and in different subcultures, and in the end, we feel less alone in our difference. We talk about being queer, coming out, and skillfully avoid explaining what pegging is whilst at the same time basically explaining to you what pegging is.   

  

Show Notes 

Wild Wild Country is a Netflix documentary series about the ‘guru’ behind the Rajneeshpuram community located in Wasco County, Oregon, and was release on Netflix in March 2018. The Indiewire overview can be read here.

Peter Tupper, A Lover's Pinch: A Cultural History of Sadomasochism. Rowman & Littlefield, August 10, 2018. The author was interviewed by Sluts and Scholars in episode 80 available here. Peter also runs his own website called a History of BDSM.

Sebastian references Terry Gould, The Lifestyle: a look at the erotic rites of swingers. (Vintage Canada, November 23, 1999.) However, has referred to the wrong war (Vietnam not WWII). 

Allure offers a wonderful article on pegging your man, which you can find here. And for those that want to learn how, check out the Pegging 101 live webinar (22 Aug 2019) by Luna Matatas (get tickets here) or ask at your local adult toy store. 

Claire was interviewed further on the theme of polyam cross-cultural dating by the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast (episode 66) which you can listen to here.

Black and Poly can be visited here and is explored more in the next episode.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Aug 16, 201950:05
3 - Our Beliefs

3 - Our Beliefs

Join genuine poly pair, Claire and Sebastian as they critically read the Ethical Slut by Janet W Hardy and Dossie Easton. In chapter 3, Our Beliefs we get into the values at the core of polyam and non mono culture, disagree on the definition of sex and talk about what listeners can expect from future episodes. Unabridged and explicit.

Show Notes:

The referenced interview with Christopher Smith was on Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast (episode 48). 

Calendar sharing has been covered by Jezebel and Daily Dot, as well as a lot of personal blogs. 


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Apr 08, 201942:38
2 - Myths and Realities

2 - Myths and Realities

Genuine poly couple, Sebastian and Claire, take you through a close and critical reading of The Ethical Slut, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. In this unabridged episode we dive into the details of Chapter Two: Myths and Realities. Both in Boston, Claire still can't pronounce 'Dossie', and Sebastian comments on being queer.

Some spoilers on Parks and Rec, American Horror Story, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Magicians, Orange is the New Black, and House of Cards. 

Show Notes:

For more on Victorian Porn, the seminal original work on this was done by Henry Spencer Ashbee, whose enclyclopedia of sex is digitized by Oxford University, and can be found here. Also see Davis, Tracy C. (1989). "Sexual Language in Victorian Society and Theatre" in The American Journal of Semiotics

The Long Way to A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers can be reviewed here on goodreads.

On Newt Gringrich not being polyam, from the wonderful Poly Weekly.

Future Sex by Emily Witt can be reviewed here on goodreads.


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.


Apr 01, 201901:00:08
1 - Who is an Ethical Slut?

1 - Who is an Ethical Slut?

Sebastian and Claire embark on The Ethical Slut by Janet W Hardy and Dossie Easton. In Chapter 1; Who is an Ethical Slut, we talk through the intro to this edition, language and Kinsey style rebellion.


Show Notes:

The Making It Work Podcast interviewed Dossie Easton in Nov 2014 (episode 13). Find on Stitcher here

The Kinsey Institute can be found here


You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments.

Mar 25, 201923:30