Boundaries +Oct 21, 2023
History Is A Continuation Of Itself, Not Merely Repeating Itself
Hello sweet ones. This episode is going to be a bit different than past ones. If you are subscribed to my Patreon or YouTube, then you'll know that we have been reading White Rage together. This week's reading is finishing chapter 2, and while reading it, some correlations between what happened in the early 1900s and what's happening now in 2023 between Palestine and Israel. It's a loose correlation, but there are still connections.
I invite you to be gentle with yourselves through the readings, as well as in life. The world is hard right now.
Make The Most Marginalized Voices The Ones Most Heard
For centuries, when it's come to speaking to the rights and needs of women, what has been looked as the face of the demographic is that of a white woman. We see it often when there is a cause that is at the forefront, or more commonly, some sort of legislation coming forward that would affect women. While white women face the varying levels of oppression, to be intentional about the message, and what's needed for true liberation, the voice that's heard the most should be that of a Black woman. Black women will meet at every intersection of identity under the umbrella that is women. And part of the act of liberation is being intentional in the fight for it, and that calls for making the most marginalized voices the loudest.
Listen to Black women, and truly LISTEN to Black women. Listen to what we say, listen to why we say it, and understand why we say it.
Liberation for Black women is truly liberation for all.
Black Women: Respect What You Hear When You Hear It
There is this thing that happens when Black people, specifically Black women, talk about our experiences and how we face varying levels of abuse, and that is the almost instant dismissal or downplaying of what we are sharing. Black women are told to rise above, set our feelings aside, and often even to not feel at all. On the other side of it, Black women are also expected to stand alongside non Black women when things affect them. We deal with a "stand with us, but you all will be fine on your own" mentality. And there needs to be a change in that.
Grab your journal and some water and be ready to sit in whatever feelings are activated, as it is very likely that you will feel activated in some way.
And remember, when you are hearing of others' experiences, believe it first, understand it later.
Community v. Group: What Do You Want Your Impact To Be?
We talk about the need for community a lot in this work, and the importance of it cannot be minimized. The way that we have been conditioned is that the group mentality is the one that's needed, however, groups lean into the requirement of thinking, acting, and believing in the exact same way, as opposed to communities which allow for individuals with the same goal in mind to collaborate in ways that bring different thoughts and learning to the front as part of creating effective change.
In this episode, we will further discuss the difference in the two, as well as how punitive justice relates to groups, while transformative justice relates to communities.
An Invite For Priority Setting: Is The Focus On The Individual Or The Bigger Picture
What happens when in what you call your activism, your focus becomes more about individuals rather than that dismantling of the systems of oppression? The priorities shift, and the work stops. When people make the intentional decision to un-doctrinate, to dismantle, and to decolonize, there needs to be room for errs and slip ups. There is the consistent act of unlearning and relearning, and with that comes missteps. When the space for that is removed, what takes over is the need to be a moral authority, upholding the very thing that needs to be dismantled.
We talk about this in relation to a specific event, and the invite is to listen with ears of intention and of learning.
This will definitely be a "grab your journal" moment, and it will be so worth it.
TikTok Talk With Rebecca
Welcome back to TikTok Talk with me and Rebecca! This episode is another one with topics plucked from videos and comments from TikTok, specifically the way that activism and the bigger picture go to the way side when the decision to defend a fave comes to play.
Activism and advocacy are only intentional and impactful when big feelings and ego are set aside for the purpose dismantling the systems of oppression that are in place. Especially when the systems you find yourself hesitant to dismantle are the ones you benefit directly from.
As always, grab a journal, some water, and enjoy this with ears of intentionality. This work is about the bigger picture, and that is something that needs to be remembered and prioritized.
Grieving What No Longer Serves Us
I have been navigating feelings of grieving relationships lost, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you on the topic. Often when we think about grief, we think about losing a person to death. That grief "makes sense" because the person is no longer her with us in the living. Grieving someone that is still here is a different type of grief because...well because they are still here.
We can grieve what we've lost that is no longer for us. And that doesn't make what we had any less special. It doesn't have to negate the good that was once there. When we give ourselves grace, we allow ourselves the space for the necessary healing that allows us to have the good memories along side the ones that shape our grief.
Taking A Beat And Zooming Out - Being Intentional With Parasocial Relationships
We all have our "faves" when it comes to social media, actors, musicians, and more. And with those faves, we can find ourselves wanting to be protective of them, sometimes to the point of distraction. There is nothing wrong with supporting and backing the people you enjoy. However, it is important to remember that you are supporting people who are also human, humans capable of getting it wrong, who will stumble and make mistakes along the way. Mistakes happen, we all make them. Taking the time to take a beat to let them sit with the big emotions that came from said mistake allows you the chance to zoom out and recognize that the way you respond can also come from big feelings that need to be sat with.
Being intentional with your support allows boundaries to remain in place, and also allows you to keep your sense of self along the way.
TikTokTalk Tuesday with Rebecca
It's another episode with Rebecca as we talk about the TikTok comments that triggered us this week, and why... with a lot of fun side-quests of course, because you know. It's us.
"What if we call them____, instead?"
"What if there was a Black woman whisperer??"
John Brown - Gate
TikTok Talk Tuesday Pilot Episode with Rebecca
Oh this is a fun episode to share with you all. My best friend and I have been talking about podcasting together for a while, and true to us and our beautiful friendship, we started in the way that makes the most sense for us. When we were ready. If you have had the chance to catch us live on TikTok (you might know her as White Woman Whisperer), then you know just how well we bounce off of each other, and we are excited to share more of that with you all in this format.
Having the discussions this way allows us to do deep dives on things we have thought about, seen, and experienced in a way that allows us to have them in our conversational form that leaves room for intentionality. It also creates the opportunity for the continued education of our communities. We are always grateful for people joining, and we also want to ensure those who have been learning with us are able to keep the momentum going with their journey.
Grab some water (and whatever other beverage you enjoy), a journal, and enjoy this episode. To know us is to know that you will hear a little bit of everything, and there will be many lessons along the way.
Frustration In Learning: What Is The Root Cause?
Something that I see while teaching is the tendency for people to get frustrated, almost angry, at what they are hearing. And what I see as a result of that frustration and anger is it being directed at the person who they are learning from. An important part of decolonizing work is recognizing that what you will hear and learn can cause big emotions to occur, especially if/when you're hearing that something you've done or said is "wrong".
Getting things wrong is not now, nor will it ever be, the worst thing that can happen, including in anti-racism work. Getting things wrong means that you are trying, actively trying. There isn't a world where we can get everything right in doing something we've never done before. Giving yourself that grace to get it wrong allows you the opportunity to zoom out and understand where the frustration is actually coming from, and where best to address it. Plot twist, it isn't the educator. :)
I hope you enjoy this episode, and that you take from it to listen to your body when you're activated, to take a beat to zoom out, and to allow yourself the space to keep healing and growing.
Take A Pause - Respecting and Setting Boundaries
Recently, there has been an influx of very big feelings landing in the comment sections of educators and content creators. While the goal of education, especially anti-racism education, is to feel as part of decolonizing and unlearning, there needs to be a place for everyone to sit those feelings, and from there, continue to work through them. Take a pause before commenting. And I am happy to share some steps to help with that along the way.
Midterm Election Thoughts And Responses
The Midterms were 11/8/2022, and I had some thoughts to share about results. And as you can imagine, those thoughts garnered results all across the board. I dive into the different types of responses, what they mean, and what to do with them moving forward.
The What, Why, and How Of Boundaries
Let's talk boundaries! In this episode, I dive into what a boundary is, why we set them, and how we set them. We also talk about what consequences for disrespected boundaries look like, and how boundaries weave into all aspects of your life. Boundaries are a door at which we allow people to share community with us and for us to share space with others.
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love myself and you simultaneously." - Prentiss Hemphill
The First Step of Humanity
Welcome back, sweet ones. In this episode, we dive into how we allow humanity to show up in our work in uplifting and protecting marginalized groups. And that (take a deep breath) starts with removing your ego. It starts with recognizing that your voice does not always need to be the loudest in the room, that it isn't always the most needed voice in the room, and that sometimes it just isn't needed at all. And that's okay!
Grab some water, your journal, and your listening ears. It's community building time.
Welcome to Boundaries + with Portia
We are going to discover and uncover the many ways that boundaries, and the need for them, show up. In everything we do.
This is going to be a journey of healing, even if sometimes tricky to navigate.
Let's have some fun. And in the meantime, stay hydrated.