Practicing Polyamory Podcast

In this fitting and perfect send-off and season finale, I'm joined by two very awesome fellow podcasters and entrepreneurs who also happen to be platonic life partners. Foxxy Devine aka Seth Hill and Luna Hawks aka Jozette Gordon are fire dancers, apothecary owners, fashion designers, illusionists...the list  goes on! They're also super witchy and fun, and this was a great episode where we got to learn all about who they are and what they do.

Of course get to hear their story of becoming platonic life partners, which began as a business partnership and has evolved into multiple business partnerships, co-habitation, shared bank accounts, and plans for the future. All without romance and sex!

We break that idea down and ask why those types of things are usually reserved for romantic relationships, and how we might open that idea to close, intimate, life-long platonic ones.

This was a super fun episode where we laughed and got deep about relationships structures, and it was the best way to end this first season.

Thanks to all of you for tuning in this year and see you in February!

Learn more about Seth and Jozette by following them on IG: @FireBurnCauldronBubble and check out their podcast and shops:

www.fireburncauldronbubble.com ; www.firemagick.org ; www.magickapothecary.com ; www.slitweave.com

Maria has been openly polyamorous for the past 10 years and has shared her experiences through multiple media sources over that time. Having heard of polyamory at an earlier time in her life, her own realization that she was polyamorous was like the turn of a light bulb. Maria woke up one day and it hit her right there, "I'm polyamorous!"

It still took another 2 years for Maria to begin her first polyamorous relationship, and she recommends others to take some time to learn about polyamory before they jump in. Speaking of jumping in, Maria and I get into some good conversation around NRE and the science behind the hormones it, and Maria shares that the secret to keeping those feelings of being in love strong is remembering to be in the moment.

Slowing down seems to be a theme for Maria, and she shares how taking things slowly played a role in reigniting the spark of intimacy that was damaged when she came out to her husband as polyamorous, ultimately salvaging her marriage. Maria reminds us of the importance of living in the moment through all of life's experiences--sexual or otherwise!

Getting into some discussion about her coaching practice, Maria then shares what S.E.X.y relationships means to her (Synergistic Energy eXchange), and she shares how people exchange energy not just in sex, but also in other unexpected group activities, such as group meditations.

This really was such a fun conversation and there's a ton of great nuggets through this episode.

Learn more about Maria at www.mariamerloni.com and follow her on IG: @MariaMerloni !

Angelica is a passionate writer who's been writing creatively as long as she's known how. She's in the process of writing an epic, queer, and witchy tale spanning a total of 12 books, and folx...she's already written 4 of those books!! Angelica tells us a bit about her books and her characters, and how her life influenced her story.

Being raised Roman Catholic had an effect on Angelica's view of herself. As she deconstructed her religious guilt, she had to unlearn the idea that, as a woman she was not someone's property, and she had to learn to she the expectation to become a wife and mother first and foremost.

Religious guilt sucks, amiright?!

Angelica shares how she navigated shedding her religious guilt as she felt the call to non-monogamy during covid quarantine, when she discovered that sharing love with just one person wasn't enough for her.

We get a great story from Angelica as she tells us of her proposal, and shares how her fiancé took the news when she came out to him as polyamorous. She explains how her polyamorous identity was one of her many identities, and how coming to terms with different identities gave her multiple opportunities to give herself space to learn and grow into the truest version of herself.

Find out more about Angelica by following her on FB: @GuitiderCreations, and buy her books at www.patreon.com/authoroflast !

We are lucky enough to be joined in this episode by listener Stephanie Symonds-Smith on her BIRTHDAY, and her bubbly personality shines through as we laugh our way through a fantastic conversation.

Stephanie shares her story and background, including her ambition to become a sex coach and some history on her polycule. She introduces us to her constellation, including her husband, their partner, and a couple that she dates!

Recently Stephanie's husband and their partner have become closer, and Stephanie shares her lived experience as she lived through that transition. She shares how her communication with her husband had to improve even though she is more likely to want to talk about challenges in their relationship, whereas he is more likely to ruminate on his own.

We also talk about how she learned to go against her natural inclinations to pry, and give her partners the space and time to think things over and come to her when they're ready.

This was definitely a fun episode that touched on a bunch of different topics, and Stephanie left us with some great personal stories and lessons learned.

Learn more about Stephanie by following her on IG: @wickedly_stephanie !

Albert has been creating awesome content on Instagram @polymananswers, and you should definitely go check him out! In this episode, he talks about how he grew up in a polygenist household, so non-monogamy was always part of his history. Patriarchal culture being what it is, however, it came as a shock to even his non-monogamous family when Alberts femme partners were given the same freedom to have other partners as he did.

The blowback Albert experienced was enough for him to learn quickly to have boundaries. He decided that he did not want to interact with anyone who is trying to invalidate how he wanted to live his life. He learned to reinforce his boundaries time and again, forcing his family to come to terms with not having access to him unless they were respectful of his choices.

After talking a bit about the traffic on his channel, we start to talk about the privileges we have as men in polyamory. Being praised for having multiple partners, for example, as opposed to women who are more likely to be slut-shamed, is a privilege that we as men have. We talk about how living in a religious, patriarchal society sets expectations for men to have sexual conquests, whereas women are expected to remain pure, innocent virgins until marriage.

We chat about what we can do to be allies, in addition to talking about hoe Albert wants to have a positive influence as a content creator of polyamorous content.

This was absolutely an awesome conversation with a truly remarkable dude, and you should absolutely check out his stuff!!

Learn more at albahlove.mypixieset.com and follow him on IG: @polymananswers!

Justine joins me on this episode to talk about the intersection of polyamory and sex work. As a sugar baby herself, Justine talks about the work, effort, time, and energy it takes to be successful as an online sex worker. Having and maintaining multiple online relationships is a full-time job, and Justine talks about how these relationships often become real relationships, even if they start as transactional.

One thing that came up during our conversation was how Justine protects herself in her sugaring dynamic, using things she learned on her polyam journey like boundaries, communication, and consent.

Justine warns about how sex workers can fall prey to predators, especially when they enter into sex work when they're hard up on funds. She also shares how some predatory practices, like blackmail, can be used against either party.

Polaym boundaries and sex work boundaries sometimes overlap, and Justine talks about some of the rules, agreements, and boundaries that she uses in both polyam relationships and also when vetting her sugar daddies. Just like in her polyam relationships, Justine requires that all partners are aware of their transactions, so that everyone involved can maintain informed consent!

This was a super fun and insightful conversation that you won't want to miss!

Learn more about Justine at www.stereo.com/gumdropjones and follow her on IG: @beautifulstackofpancakes !

Sarah was one of those friends who was always the listening ear, until finally someone mentioned that she should actually get paid for helping people the way she did! Inspired to social work and helping others, Sarah found that shame came up over and over again in her practice with regard to identity, gender, sex, sexuality, and trauma.

Sarah explains where shame tends to come from (often societally influenced), and things get really deep when she starts talking about the differences between guilt and shame.

Our conversation keeps getting deeper as we talk about shame with regard to our identities, especially when it comes to many of our relationships to religion. Spirituality and a relationship to a higher power can still be extremely important, and Sarah talks about how people are able to take the pieces of the lessons we may have learned growing up in the church, and leave the parts that don't serve us behind.

You won't want to miss the rest of this awesome conversation with an incredible human!

Learn more about Sarah at www.SarahBetz.com and follow her on IG: @SarahBetzLCSW !

I almost feel like I need to put a trigger warning on this conversation with my brother, but I was teased enough about the disclaimers I made during the show that hopefully will be enough!

My brother, Hernan, and I are two very different people, and in this episode he shares some of the things he's learned over the past 9 months and 113 episodes of this show. I told my bro about being polyamorous a few years ago, but even though we spent a lot of time doing business together, we never really talked in depth about what it is and what it means.

Hernan talks about the lessons he's learned from the polyam community, including practicing more open communication in his own monogamous relationship as he and his wife navigate raising their family.

We maybe go a little off the rails talking about feminism, making snap judgments, and stereotypes, and he makes his case that everyone is judgmental and uses stereotypes. He even manages to bring the conversation back to polyamory and the judgments our community tends to make toward unicorn hunters, before leaving us with some serentiy prayer level wisdom and a snarky conservative talk show host quote!

Follow Hernan @BusinessBrosPod for awesome business content every single day!

Beth never felt quite at home in monogamous relationships and had heard of poly once upon a time, but after her second marriage didn't work out Beth decided to be intentionally single for a while and during that time she dove into polyam research and discovered Solo-Polyamory.

I ask Beth about the things that she had to accept about herself and accept herself as a polyamorous woman, and she explains how she had to unlearn monogamy before she could even begin that process.

As it turns out, this interview is pretty pivotal in Beth's journey as it is the first time she has disclosed polyamory as part of her identity in a public forum, and it just happens to be October 11, National Coming Out Day when this interview was recorded!

After some chatting about Brene Brown's obsession with vulnerability, Beth share her thoughts on the relationship between vulnerability and self-acceptance, and oh boy did this conversation get deep!

This heartfelt chat with such an awesome person was so fun and refreshing. I think a lot of people will resonate with Beth.

Support Beth by going to www.singleparentsproject.com and follow her on IG: @butterflybeth !

Roy Graff has been on the show once before, but in the months that followed he has teamed up with several other creators for events and he's now moderating the men's Discord channel for Remodeled Love.

After sharing a few details of his collaborations, we jump right into talking about the differences in solo-poly, non-hierarchical, and just dating around. Roy talks about some common misconceptions around solo-poly, including the perceived lack of commitment that people incorrectly believe SoPo folks have in their relationships.

To get a better understanding of some relational differences, we get into the what makes open relationships and swinging different from polyamory, and Roy reminds us that long-term intimate relationships open the door for more. It's unreasonable to expect complete coldness, and we can't control or regulate feelings in non-monogamous relationships.

We then dig into some things that are important to SoPo folx, such as independence and autonomy, and how those values coincide with being able to offer commitment in a relationship. Roy offers great insight on these potentially competing values, and shares reflections on his own experience while offering thoughts on the relationships he's seen in his coaching practice.

All around this was a fantastic round two with Roy, and a conversation you won't want to miss!

Learn more about Roy at www.openrelating.love and follow him everywhere @openrelating !

Alonna Donovan Makinson was inspired to serve the polyam community when, as a practicing therapist, she discovered an abundance of polyam clients and a nearly complete lack of polyam affirming therapists in her area.

We dive right into the constant bombardment of messaging from all sorts of media sources, and how the "one man, one woman" messaging and lack of representation in the media for the majority of our history impacts all of us as a society at large.

Isolation and lack of social support are just a few negative side effects, especially when our relationship choices might be considered a deviance.

I grill Alonna pretty hard on the idea of deviance, especially where non-monogamy falls in the DSM, and the changes that Alonna sees in expanding psychology education to include non-monogamous relationship structures.

Learn more about Alonna at www.life-tree-consulting.com !

Miss Nookie is a kinky educator and runs datingkinky.com, a FREE service to help kinky folx find more than just one another; she facilitates kinky folx finding the resources and tools they need for successful kinky relationships!

In this fun-filled episode, Miss Nookie and I talk about her newest book, The Big Book of Ass, and despite a minor giggle fit here and there, we get to some really great conversation around all things anal.

Miss Nookie talks about getting comfortable with butt play, encouraging folx to learn to relax. She explains some human anatomy (did you know we have two sphincters?!), and how to gain trust to allow both sphincters to be ready for insertion.

Next we get into demystifying some of the stories we might hear around anal play, and Miss Nookie gives some good advice for those who might have some messy kinks. She also gives some tips on finding the right toys for anal play to make sure that nothing goes in, without being able to come back out!

We talk about important health implications when engaging in anal sex, especially around the transference of bacteria, and whether any of what we talked about changes for gay men versus heterosexual couples engaging in anal play.

Learn more by visiting www.datingkinky.com and follow on IG: @datingkinkyofficial !

In this fun episode, my metamour Jason Daubert hops on to chat with me and see what polyam topics we might cover. We start by taking a page out of the Daylover's book (@RemodeledLove on IG) and start with Jason's privileges, which leads into some great conversation about the terminology that we use in our polyam communities.

I use "partner in common" instead of "shared partner" to describe the partner that connects us, and we talk about the connotation of possessiveness that we're addressing by changing our language. We also dive into the importance of pronouns (another important piece of the language that we use), and some of the challenges we might face when learning people's pronouns, especially if those pronouns have changed in the time we've known that person.

We then jump into talking about our experience as metas, starting with how things have been for him since our partner in common and I started dating. Jason shares his experience first, describing himself as someone who isn't very possessive, but still experiences the FOMO part of jealousy. Then he turns the question around on me and I share my experience of being the new partner, compared to their pre-existing relationship, and coming to terms with our individuality and uniqueness in our partner's life.

This was super fun, and I'm confident Jason and I will do this again soon!

Annie Boheler is a Somatics Certified therapist and we kick off this conversation by talking about the importance of having connection to and balance in our bodies, and how somatics training and therapy can help us find that connection.

On the subject of balance, we jump right into talking about what should or shouldn't be shared between multiple partners. Annie encourages us to question our reasons for sharing or asking for information, and recognizing where those questions are coming from--investigate our intentions.

We talk about the communication that need to happen between partners when asking what information can/can't be shared, and how to prepare for the potential of being told no. We get deeper here, when talking about how the person saying no might feel guilt for doing so, and how we can make space to sit with those feelings and be true to ourselves.

Learn more about Annie at www.annielovage.net and follow her on IG: @rewildingintimacy !

Greg and Leanne Million have been together more than five year (married for one) after meeting on OK Cupid, and during their relationship they have gone through phases of opening and closing their relationship. Both have had non-monogamous relationships in the past, but they are still imperfect humans with emotions that need to be examined and harnessed. As Greg notes, the one thing that connects us all is our emotions! 

Leanne shares what emotions she was feeling when their relationship began as an open one, and she explains the conversations they had as they came to the mutual decision of temporarily closing their relationship. Greg's superpower is helping other recognize the power of vulnerability, and the vulnerability he showed during this recording was incredible! Greg was completely honest about which of them was asking for the relationship to be closed, and he shares his struggles and lessons learned through the process.

Greg and Leanne explain how we can practice harnessing our emotions rather than letting them take the reins, and using the power of those feelings to create lasting connections through vulnerability, physical activity, and intentional intimacy.

Learn more about Greg and Leanne at www.gregmillion.com and www.leannemillion.com, and follow them on IG: @leannemillion and @thegregmillion !

Kieran Grosman is a transman, kinky, polyam therapist out of ++++ who never had a successful fight with a partner. Every time the first fight happened, it spelled the end of the relationship! Kieran knew there had to be a better way, and therapy helped him learn and implement strategies to improve his relationships.

Kieran shares his experience with dysthymic disorder, what he describes as a continuous low-grade depression stemming from his closeted queer- and transness. Therapy saved his life by giving him the strength, coping mechanisms, and ability to identify with his queerness and embrace authenticity.

The pandemic has made life more difficult for a lot of folx, but one advantage that Kieran notes is the accessibility of more diverse therapy options. He talks about how important it is for queer folx to have a queer therapist, someone who can practice mirroring and be a beacon of hope to let them know they can make it through those hard times.

Kieran also explains changes he's seeing in his practice of more acceptance of trans or queer partners, along with the acceptance of potential exploration through polyamory for the partner discovering their new identity. He also shares two unexpected side effects of his transition, first becoming "invisible" as a masc-portraying person, and second being seen as "the enemy" by the lesbian community he previously knew.

Every minute of this interview had me on the edge of my seat, and Kieran's final thoughts came as a bit of a surprise: a call for gentleness and understanding toward an older generation. You'll have to tune in to hear it!

Learn more about Kieran at www.kgrosmanpsyd.com !

Before anything else, I wanted to make sure that when approaching this topic of "is polyamory right for me" that I was speaking with someone who was accepting and affirming of polyam. Our guest Maya Lane has her own history with the poly life, and she explains all of the things that it has done for her life and why she is completely supportive of those who practice it. 

Maya shares the story of her now twenty-year marriage, a relationship which started out non-monogamous and stayed that way for over a decade. She further explains the factors that made her question whether polyamory was still the right choice for her, including balancing her children, family, career, and multiple relationships.

Tune in to hear us talk about polysaturation, unresolved attachment wounds, and why it's important to work with a therapist like Maya when entering non-monogamy and get the help we need when the hidden, scary shadow pops up in our relationships.

Learn more about Maya by going to www.mayalane.net and follow her on IG: @Maya_Lane_MFT !

Brittany Bannerman is one of those people that always had friends coming to her, telling her their deepest darkest, and she found herself wanting to help people navigate their mental health full-time. She's proud to be able to be part of people's healing journeys, and when polyamory was presented to her in some of the communities she was a part of, she discovered that it made a lot of sense to her and she wanted to support people shed monogamy and embrace their authentic selves.

One principle Brittany learned along the way is what she calls open-handed love, which frees us from placing expectations and conditions on those we love. 

I challenged Brittany on this, arguing that expectations and conditions are normal and necessary in relationships, especially in cases of abuse. How can we practice unconditional love when someone has hurt us?

Brittany explains how that works and why open-handed love still applies even in these situations, and even frees us from carrying the pain and anger from pain, infidelity, and abuse.

Tune in to hear what Brittany has to say about these and other topics, and learn more about her by going to www.strengthcounselling.ca and follow her on IG: @strengthcounselling !

I've never considered myself much of an artist, but Tara Graviss has heard that from her clients before and it never stopped her from helping them! As it turns out, art is more than drawing and painting, and Tara's expertise is in finding which artistic expression works best for her clients and to use it as a tool to talk about their feelings.

During our chat, Tara explains the difference between art therapy and expressive art therapy, that being who decides the meaning of the art that's being created. She further explains how expressive art therapy is a way to express our feelings without using words. Even if you're the type of person who can't draw stick figures, Tara can help you express yourself through other mediums, such as theater, music, dance, and interpretation.

Tara's expertise is in trauma therapy, specifically for folx who have experience sexual trauma and abuse. For those who have tried traditional talk therapy, expressive art therapy might be an additional resource to explore and heal that trauma. Tara explains the process, often beginning as a group session that creates safe growth environments, later transitioning to private sessions.

For someone who doesn't feel particularly artistic (me), Tara helped me see how everyone is an artist in some way or another. Tune in to hear some tips on how to get started in getting in touch with your body and start to heal from these challenging times!

Learn more about Tara by following her on IG: @theartof_resilience and @theartoftantra !

How many of us have even considered what Self-Consent means? In this episode, educator and therapist Sophia Graham walks us through her journey to discovering how important self-consent became to her, and how it can help each and every one of us!

Sophia challenges us to ask, "Who am I?" and refuse to leave that question answered only at the surface. She encourages us to explore ourselves more deeply than ever, bringing all of our various identities to light and finding out whether our identities are chosen or accepted by default.

She shares her experience in consent workshops, including the tea metaphor that's often taught, and how the idea of consent goes beyond our interactions with others and includes our inner dialogue as well. 

Slowing down and centering consent with ourselves, asking more questions about each circumstance, and trusting our emotions to guide our decisions are just a few tips Sophia offers to help us learn the art of self-consent, and that is just the beginning!

Tune in to hear what she has to say about contradicting desires, overcoming social anxiety, and recalibrating the hustle mentality to allow for a more fulfilled life.

Learn more about Sophia at www.loveuncommon.com and follow her on Twitter @LoveUncommon !

Tavo Alcoser is the lead vocalist of the touring band Jarabe Mexicano, whose mission includes outreach to underserved communities promoting diversity and inclusivity. Tavo is also a Latin American Studies major, and with his help I've been able to dig deeper into my roots and heritage.

In this episode, Tavo shares his experiences growing up as a transborder resident--living in Tijuana, Mexico, and going to school in San Diego. He talks about why, despite living south of the border, he didn't learn Spanish until his high school years and even when he did, it was European Spanish, not Mexican!

Tavo talks about his dual identity as a Mexican-American, and how San Diego felt like home for the majority of his early life, and how that changed in later years.

We get to dive deep into what it means to be Chicano, and how we each had struggles when trying to find where we belong in the decolonization movement of Chicano culture. 

This is such a deep and personally meaningful episode, and I want to give a huge shoutout and thank you to Tavo, whose insight has helped me connect deeper with my Mexican roots as I work to create the most inclusive community I can here on the pod!

Learn more about Tavo at www.jarabemexicano.com and follow him on FB: @TavoAlcoserPerformingArtist !

Today's guest Carrie Sacket practices social therapeutics in the great state of New York and in this episode she explains exactly why social therapeutics uses a group-centered approach to therapy. Carrie explains how, as social creatures, we human beings can find the both the cause and the cure to our emotional turmoil through social interaction.

Within the context of polyamory, the group relationship is of even more importance. Carrie talks about how polyamory is full of people who write their own scripts, and how we can create the environments to have important conversations within our polycules.

Carrie shares some personal experiences within the groups that she leads, and how people are able to learn to sit with discomfort, allowing for greater vulnerability and deeper conversation and connection.

Learn more about Carrie at www.coachingzpd.com and follow on FB: @ZPDCoaching !

I was married and lived with my wife for 6 years until late March 2021. This episode is some of my personal story, where I'm currently at in my own polyamory journey, and my coming to terms with solopolyamory.

I talk about the process of decoupling or detangling for new couples, my understanding of what Solopoly usually means, and whether or not I actually identify as SoPo. 

Much of my life was spent in fear of being alone, but I've learned to become more comfortable on my own and I talk about how I got here (spoiler: hobbies!). 

Follow me everywhere @practicingpolya and sign up to be a guest at www.practicingpolyamory.com !

Justine Guzman is a therapist out of the Dallas-Fort Worth area who shares her story of discovering non-monogamy and how it has affected her various relationships. We talk about her progress in being publicly open about her polyamory, even loud about it sometimes, and why living openly authentic is important to her.

Justine shares the many roles that her intersecting identities play in her personal growth, and we commiserate on how our friends, family, and parents have reacted to our polyamorous identities.

In her practice, Justine adamantly embraces and encourages a non-judgmental approach to our emotions. She gives us tips on how we can examine our feelings objectively, like scientists, and how to move past intense emotions and separate ourselves from the situation long enough to get our emotions under control.

Definitely a lot of great nuggets and conversation in this episode! Learn more about Justine at www.stereo.com/gumdropjones and follow on IG: @beautifulstackofpancakes !

In this episode I have a chance to chat with Kevin A. Patterson, author of Love's Not Colorblind, the foremost book on race and polyamory. Having been tagged in my interviews with Olivia, Kevin felt called to address my comment regarding my mindset of victims and victors.

I have a chance to explain my comment further, and Kevin helps me understand how viewing people by this binary idea is a value judgment based on how much we can endure, even though the problem isn't our strength--it's the social construct of white supremacy.

Kevin talks about how many people of color (including myself for most of my life) try to place themselves on equal footing with the white establishment and deny the white supremacy that exists, but how the reckoning comes for us all eventually (see Omarosa and the Trump administration).

He shares how friends have turned  him into "the scary Black guy" when the need arose, and how easily his image could be turned based solely on how Black folx are viewed in this country.

Kevin and I have an amazing conversation chatting about creating inclusive communities, and he gives me some tips on fostering diversity on the podcast in upcoming seasons, and how you can do the same in your polyam circles!

Be sure to tune in and learn how you can create inclusive communities in your polyam world, too!

Learn more about Kevin at www.kevinapatterson.com and improve your polyam relationships by learning directly from him at www.unfuckyourpolyamory.com ! Follow him on IG: @polyrolemodels , too!

In this continuing conversation around creating inclusive communities, I share my experiences of assimilation and rejection of my Mexican culture growing up. I tell the story of visiting Mexico as a kid, and my difficulty in taking pride in my Mexican heritage based on my perception of the country, specifically what I saw in the "dirty" border town of Tijuana.

I talk about learning Spanish before English, and being placed in the ESL class in early childhood, despite rejecting the language at home. At home, my dad taught us to reject the Chicano culture that he attributed to the Cholo (Mexican gangster) lifestyle.

That Cholo stereotype is the one that is most often portrayed in the media, and it was the one that I was taught was wrong, or evil. I didn't want to be associated with it, and I learned to distance myself from it.

After sharing my own history with my culture, I talk about how I am connected to it today. I share what I've come to realize about where I stand, including being one generation away from carrying an "illegal" status.

Lastly I share my thoughts on what my life might be like had I been born in Mexico instead of here in the US, and my recognition of my privilege by living here.

Hope you all are learning along with me, and that this helps us all to continue to create inclusive polyam communities!

This was such a great conversation with relationship therapist Paige Bond, who breaks down the worst of the worst, most problematic behaviors in relationships often referred to as the four horsemen.

We dive deep into each of these: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, and the antidotes (or countermeasures) for each one.

Paige gives so many great examples of each, and helps us create better "I-Statements" to make sure that we are taking responsibility for our own actions.

We also get into the topic of having a secure attachment to ourselves, which will help us create better attachments with those around us. Paige helps us understand how not having a secure attachment to ourselves may prevent us from being able to be introspective enough to recognize our own needs and improve our relationships in the process.

Paige talks about having an attitude of gratitude, and I share a story about my brother's journey of gratitude that might help you appreciate your partner more!

Stonewalling might be a bit confusing to some (it was for me), and we have a great conversation to help folx understand the difference between stonewalling (avoiding the conflict altogether) and taking time or space away to cool down and approach the problem when emotions are more level.

Learn more about Paige at www.paigebond.com and follow her on FB: @CouplesCounselingCFL !

What happens when we open our relationships and our partners begin to love someone else? If we are stuck in a scarcity mindset, we may believe that love in finite and become fearful.

Petra Stone helps us understand where the scarcity mindset may come from, and invites us to explore strategies to overcome that mindset and welcome a belief of abundance.

We talk about the misplaced belief that attention is equated with love, and how that belief is rooted in fear. When it comes to our partners' attention, we find that a romantic connection with someone other than ourselves can be more intimidating with a hobby (like golfing), but when we give our partners the freedom to seek connections elsewhere, we can rest knowing that our partners never have to choose.

We also get into the topic of consent, especially when engaging in conversation with new people. We talk about the small infractions that wear down our personal boundaries, and how being more aware of what we want can help us to have better relationships in the long run.

Such a fun conversation with a lot of ground covered! Learn more about Petra at www.beginningtherapy.com and www.sentientfest.com!

Dr. Dana McNeil is a fellow San Diegan whose journey into therapy was inspired twofold. First, by her experiences as an insurance claims adjuster, where she would play the role of a witness to people going through pain and trauma; and secondly by going through couples' counseling using the Gottman method with her husband.

She tells her story of realizing that being a therapist was her calling, and how she's used her practice to create safe spaces for folx of all walks of life who want to improve their relationships.

When we start getting into laying solid foundations, Dr. Dana talks about how people's relationships are affected based on their expectations. She describes how everything a partner does for us is a gift, which might help us realize that our expectations in our relationships may vary, and our individual views of the world affect those expectations.

Dr. Dana encourages us to have discussions around our expectations to lay a good, solid foundation for our relationships. We talk about behaviors that reflect our commitments to our partners, with the reminder that if/when we do something for our partners, that behavior is a gift.

We also talk about "perpetual issues," issues in relationships that might never be resolved, and how to navigate those issues with our partners.

This was such a fun and insightful conversation that you won't want to miss!

Learn more about Dr. Dana at www.danamcneil.com and follow her on IG: @DrDanaMcNeil !

Krista is the co-founder of @PolyInPlace and she has teamed up with previous guest and friend of the podcast, Claire Travers @PolyPages to launch a book club for the polyamorous community, starting in October 2021. If you are looking for support and to engage with the community, be sure to go to www.polypages.org/bookclub to join!

As a natural storyteller, Krista was inspired to create a community and platform for others to share their journeys into polyamory when she and her polycule hunkered down (like we all did) during the 2020 pandemic.

In this episode, Krista and I talk about some of the books and stories that have inspired her, and she shares her journey of discovering polyamory and working through infidelity in her previously monogamous relationship. Krista shares how she and her husband were able to shed many of their old ideologies, put a stop to infidelities, and successfully move into ethical non-monogamy and polyamory.

Be sure to follow Krista @PolyInPlace and tune into their event, Polyamory in Publishing in partnership with Claire from @PolyPages, Eve Rickert (co-author of More Than Two), Thorntree Press, and M. Ellery (author of A Color Named Love), and Rachel Krantz (author of a forthcoming memoir called Open). Go to www.polypages.org for more information!

In this episode, Dr. Rachel Anne Kieran and I get a chance to chat about her journey through becoming a therapist for the polyam community, and her inspiration to be an ally and resource to those in need.

We talk about the history of psychology with regard to polyamory, non-monogamy, LGBTQ+ issues, and kink, and how important it is that the therapists we seek do not automatically pathologize us for our relationship styles.

Dr. Kieran shares her insights on intersectionality, including recognizing her privilege when engaged with clients, and we talk about our internal intersections, too. She gives some great examples of how we might struggle with our own intersecting personalities, and gives some tips on how to address our own needs.

When it comes to leaning into difficult conversations, Rachel talks about the conversations we need to have on both micro and macro levels, and we talk about why it's important for us to have these conversations not just within our personal relationships, but with the world at large.

Learn more about Dr. Rachel Anne Kieran at www.rkieranpsyd.com, and follow her on FB: @drkieran !

In this guest-less episode, I tell the story of my first polyam relationship back in 2017 and the struggles I faced while navigating my first relationship.

I talk about some of the mistakes I made including treating my partner as disposable, downplaying my feelings with my other partner, and allowing couples privilege and hierarchy to guide many of my decisions.

I also talk about the importance of self-care, and how allowing myself to feel my emotions and release them helped me heal.

Want to share your imperfect story? Go to www.practicingpolyamory.com and sign up today, and follow everywhere @practicingpolya!

In this episode I get to chat with Karine Bedard, a Bible school graduate who found her faith shaken when her husband, a fellow Bible school graduate and her first love, began to question his.

Karine shares her story of finding Playboy Radio and how the authentic stories of the people on that channel resonated with her more than the superficial connections she typically found at her church. 

And so began her journey in Breaking Free, which is how she found her true and authentic community.

Karine's story of conscious uncoupling with her husband, and hear how the lessons she's learned in polyamory has helped her maintain a good friendship with her ex was especially good, and I love how this conversation led us to talking about how polyamory allows us the freedom to explore relationships authentically, and without limits.

Learn more about Karine at www.karinebedardcoaching.com and follow her on IG: @karinebedardcoaching !

In this follow-up episode (check E.84 for part 1) with Olivia Fermi, I've done my homework and spent time talking with my Tias and my Mom about their experiences in coming to America. I share those stories and Olivia guides me into making the personal connection with my heritage.

I recount the story of my family's deportation as children and their early struggles of trying to make a life in America, and we follow the path of their journey to discover how much work, toil, and sacrifice led to me being able to live my life as I know it today.

I also get a chance to share the lessons I learned while talking to my friend Tavo, and how assimilation can be weaponized against marginalized communities.

I'm so grateful to Olivia for guiding me through this process of learning how important it is to connect with my heritage, so that I can better understand others and do a better job of creating inclusive communities wherever I go.

Learn more about Olivia at www.fermi.ca and follow her on IG: @olivia_fermi !

The topic didn't change, but the guest did! I was expecting to have this conversation with someone else, but I ended up talking about this myself.

I've shared my origin story before, so I spent more time talking about the lessons I've learned over the years. I share my journey of being an obsessive, possessive person in my younger years and how, often to my own detriment, I held too tightly to my relationships and how that affected my early polyam experience.

I talk about my marriage and some of our early struggles, how and why I learned that I do in fact want polyamory to be part of my life, and how polyamory helped me break free of some of my other relationship bad habits (like playing the white knight).

Having multiple people to depend on instead of depending on just one person for everything is another huge lesson that I discuss, especially how much pressure I used to place on relationships by expecting to find "The One" person who could fulfill every role and be my everything.

I share some of my current situation, such as coming to terms with practicing Solo Polyamory, and how that's helped me overcome one of my biggest fears and demons: loneliness. 

Hope you all enjoy this little monologue from me! Learn more at www.practicingpolyamory.com and follow me everywhere @practicingpolya!

In this episode we get to hear a very real, raw, and unfiltered story from someone in our polyam community who has seen her share of ups and downs through her poly journey.

Sharon talks us through some of her experiences, including being neglected by her previous husband who perhaps had too many partners. Sharon shares with us how she's learned to set boundaries and expectations in new relationships to make sure that doesn't suffer that neglect again.

Sharon feels that she sometimes leans toward monogamy, and although she acknowledges that one person may not meet all needs, we talk about how she reconciles those feelings with her polyamorous journey.

We get into some pretty good discussion around rules and hierarchical relationships, too, since Sharon and her current husband do maintain a hierarchy and have worked through opening their relationship at a slow and measured pace.

Tune in to hear the imperfect story of someone who is navigating a semi-mono-poly relationship, healing trauma, and making space for love to grow while making concessions to protect her own heart. Thanks for hanging out, Sharon!

I had a cancellation a week before this interview was scheduled, so I tweeted out a call (trying to be more actively inclusive) to the QTBIPOC community to fill that spot. When no one answered the call, I asked myself...have a created a space where all folx feel safe?

I expressed my concern to my mailing list, and Olivia Fermi asked me such introspective questions that I knew this was a good place for me to start this journey.

Join me as I learn what it takes to create a safe and inclusive space here on the podcast. My hope is that you'll take what you learn to create safe spaces wherever you are, too! Tune in for part II (episode 88), and learn more about Olivia at https://fermi.ca and follow her @olivia_fermi !

Today's guest in an awesome therapist from Michigan, Heather Shannon. After getting to know her a bit and find out why she is inspired to help people in non-monog/non-traditional relationships, we dive into how she might approach a client as a coach versus as a therapist.

We get some great insight into how Heather might help someone who is feeling lost or directionless, and then dive into some of what she's seen and her thought process when polyamory magnifies insecurities and relationship problems.

Heather gives a great explanation about attachment styles, and how they might help someone get to the root of jealousy and possessiveness.

We round out the conversation by talking about the importance and value of self-care and self-reliance, and finding the space where we can be both vulnerable and trusting and able to love openly and deeply, while still taking care of and protecting ourselves.

I had such a great time chatting with Heather and getting to learn from her experiences and share my own. I hope you gain as much value from this conversation as I did!

For more information go to https://heathershannon.co and follow @HeatherAShannon !

After a brief introduction and learning about Taryn's background, we start by diving into Simone Biles' decision to remove herself from Olympics competition due to mental health reasons. I have a little bit to say about the "devil's advocate" perspective, but overall it's a chance to hear a therapist's perspective on that decision, and how self-care is important to all of us! 

Most of us aren't even at the highest levels of competition like Simone, but we all have expectations of ourselves and it's important to give ourselves grace!

Some of Taryn's expertise is helping people navigate kink, so we talk about how to bring that topic to overcome shame and have that conversation with your partner, and what to do when that conversation doesn't go so well.

If you want to know how to take an active role in your therapy, how to know when therapy is working, and when it might be time to switch therapists, be sure to stick around to the end!

Learn more about Taryn by following on Facebook @BelleTowerGroup !

Joy has a wide range of abilities to help her clients, as she is able to operate in multiple ways. Sometimes she's a trauma therapist, other times an art therapist, and yet others she plays the role of a coach!

We start by talking about each of these roles--what they are, and who best might qualify for each--before jumping deep into attachment theory.

What is attachment theory? What are the types of attachments? How does knowing your attachment style actually help you?

Joy gives a great, real-world example of how an anxious type and an avoidant type might interact,  how to address the potential miscommunication of needs between the two, and tips on how to heal attachment wounds.

Tune in to hear what she has to say about how attachment theory changes when it comes to polyamory, and what triggering attachment wounds might bring up in your relationships!

Learn more about Joy at www.recreatingdawn.com and follow her @recreatingdawn !

TW: Conversion Therapy Practices (20:07 - 22:39)

In this episode, we get to hear about Arin's experience with questioning their gender, going back as far as when they were five years old and realized that they were not quite fitting in like everyone else.

Their experience with bullying inspired them to work with kids who are questioning their gender, helping kids navigate this oft-confusing path. 

But it's not just kids who need help navigating, their parents often do, too! 

Arin and I get to dive into what the internet has done to help the trans, non-binary, questioning community and how gender non-conforming kids are getting along in her therapy practice. 

We get into some of the struggles someone might face when coming out, and what some reactions from parents might be.

Here's where we hit the trigger warning. 

We talk about some of the torture that people face when going through conversion therapy. Please skip from 20:07 to 22:39 if you are sensitive to this topic.

We finish it up with some tips for parents of someone who is coming out, and get a chance to answer a listener question!

I had so much fun with Arin and I know you will, too! Learn more about Arin at www.renewedmentalhealth.com and follow them @renewedmentalhealth !

Let's get kinky with it! Today we chat with Sawah Danniels, a gender & polyam affirming, anti-racist decolonialist therapist operating from the unceded K’Tunaxa, Sinixt, and Okanagan territories (otherwise known as Nelson, British Columbia).

We get into some great discussion on how they Incorporate geek/nerd culture into therapy, and I get to nerd out on Marvel talking about Thor's mental health journey.

Then we jump right into debunking common kink myths, at which point we get into the ideas around sub space, how to navigate around the disconnect that happens during intense scenes, and the importance of aftercare.

We get really deep into how people have utilized kink for healing trauma (TW: we talk about sexual assault), and this is such a powerful part of the conversation!

Last we some of the differences and similarities between dom drop and sub drop, and how people can navigate their scenes and roles.

Tune in to hear it all, and learn more about Sawah by going to www.thenerdytherapist.com and follow them @thenerdytherapist !

Is it sexy to ask permission for the first kiss? We think so! In this episode I get to chat with Jenna Trostle, a therapist based in Melbourne, Australia, and we get into some really deep discussion around consent (among other things).

Jenna shares her story of what brought her to Australia and her journey through polyam, and how caring about the environment inspired her to pursue a career as a therapist.

When it comes to consent, we talk about getting clear on what the connection with a person may or may not be, what happens when assumptions are made (we've all been there), and how to rescind consent when it's already been given.

This was such a fun and valuable conversation and I know our audience will take a lot from this. Learn more about Jenna at www.spectracounselling.com and follow @spectracounselling !

Having my own background in business and entrepreneurship, I was really excited to chat with Mike today about all things personal finance. Mike's approach to financial coaching is based on attachment theory, so we dove into what people's relationships are with money and how it affects our polyamorous relationships.

One big takeway from this discussion is that there's a difference between having real money challenges, compared how much money you FEEL like you have. Emotions around money can be very different, and it's important for people to recognize your own money story.

Tune in to learn why Mike became a money coach for the polyam and LGBT communities, get some tips on planning finances within a polycule, and learn how attachment theory applies to money (are you avoidant, secure, anxious?) plus how privilege affects our relationship to money.

Learn more about Mike at www.empathicfinance.com and follow him @mikepumphreymoneycoach !

In this episode I chat with Heather Spreadborough, a therapist who believes in you and your ability to recover from trauma. We start the conversation by defining exactly what trauma is, what it is and what it isn't--specifically the differences between grief, loss and trauma.

My favorite part of this episode is how deep we got into the fascinating subject of EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. We got really deep into the science of why it works, who is a good candidate for EMDR therapy, and the importance of the trust you'll need to have in your therapist before starting EMDR.

This was a truly fascinating interview and you won't want to miss it! Learn more about our guest at www.heathertherapy.com

Dr. Rachael Meir returns to the podcast and brings Kasey Kershner with her, giving us two out of three partners of a closed triad.

When they met, Rachael and her husband were looking to find a special connection together, and Kasey had been through a previous relationship that was heavily influenced by couples privilege and was marred by heartbreak.

Tune in to hear about how the trio came together, fell in love and decided to live together after just 12 days, and what the three went through individually and together throughout their journey so far.

Hear about how Rachael and Aaron have worked to deconstruct their couples privilege and invite Kasey in as an equal partner, and considerations Kasey made to ensure that she would not be treated like a unicorn being hunted.

An absolutely amazing conversation with these two amazing ladies that you won't want to miss! Follow them and learn more @triadandtrue !

This was an excellent episode with therapist Heather Garner out of Towson, Maryland. We covered a ton of great material in this episode, such as what to expect as a polyamorous parent, how kids benefit from having more adults around, and reasons why poly parents might often get criticism from society.

We get into coping with heartbreak by asking how to work through a breakup when children have developed an emotional attachment to partners, and some guidelines on how to introduce partners to our children, too.

Learn more about our guest by going to www.garneringchange.net and follow on IG: @garnering_change !

Today we get to hear from an awesome online creator and educator, @Annie_Undonr (Annie Whitman) whose unique style makes her content super engaging and easy to digest. She's on a mission to help others realize that, "You deserve to be yourself."

Annie's done such a wonderful job chronicling her journey and creating content as she has processed her feelings around the things poly folx go through. Things like going on a date with someone new, experiencing NRE, managing jealousy when her partner goes on a date, and coming to the realization that maybe polyamory fit her more naturally, but never knowing it was an option.

We also talk about her recent experience of being unwittingly outed to family, the fallout she's experiencing, and how she's coping with the family members with whom she wants to maintain relationships.

We had so much fun chatting, and there's a lot of great nuggets in this episode, so don't miss out! Learn more and follow Annie on IG/Reddit: @Annie_Undone !

Okay, so this was fun! There was a scheduling snafu that ended up with me starting on one topic and shifting gears 4 minutes in when our guest, Maria Carrington, popped in!

Maria has developed a course intended to teach therapists about kink and BDSM, and demystifying the belief that these practices are at the root of mental health problems (they're not). We talk about the questions you might want to ask your therapist to make sure they're sex positive and affirming, recognizing biases that your mental health professional might be carrying, and what may or may not be included in the psychology bible, aka the DSM-V.

Learn more about our guest at www.nwsextherapy.com!

I get a chance to chat with sex therapist Anna Baxter today, whose journey through BDSM, polyam, and gender identity gives them a unique perspective that they're able to share with our audience. We talk about the importance of labels and words (like skoliosexual), finding community, and how having the right words to describe ourselves and find community helps us make decisions in our lives that best fit us and helps us be the best version of ourselves. We get into the topic of neuroscience, and how with time and practice we can rewrite our neuropathways and rewrite our autonomy to be more aligned with our authentic selves. Tune in to learn more, and find out about our guest's project by following on IG: @Atlanta_Polyamory.

I'm so excited to host one of the top polyam educators and creators on social media today, Jessica Levity Daylover of @RemodeledLove and @HomeSliceProductions fame. 

Jessica isn't just hilariously creative, relatable, and smart as a whip, she's also on a mission to expand the cultural narrative on healthy relationships and normalize polyamory and ethical non-monogamy on a grand scale. In other words, she wants to change society's semiology!

We talk about her mission, her recent podcast episode where she discusses her recent discovery of her demisexuality, how she's navigating that realization in comparison to our sex-negative culture, and why she is anti-capitalist.

I'm so happy to have a chance to get to know Jes on an even deeper level, and hope you all enjoy it as well! Be sure to look up and learn about solidarity economy, and learn more about Jes at www.remodeledlove.com, follow on IG: @remodeledlove / @homesliceproductions, and on TikTok: @homesliceproductions. 

Therapy is hard work, but in this episode we learn from our awesomely nerdy guest, Matt Fahy, how he's made the hard work of therapy FUN by incorporating game theory into his work. We learned about three types of communication and how therapy can be gamified to teach these concepts and integrate them into relationships. This was a particularly fun episode where Matt brought out my inner geek, with a ton of great nuggets of wisdom sprinkles throughout.

Learn more about Matt and his practice at www.heroichealthgroup.com and follow on IG: @heroichealthgroup

I'm joined today by two awesome, poly-friendly therapists who, as trauma-informed therapists, view polyamory as a centerpiece for healing past traumas. We cover how polyamory helps folx with wounded attachments and we touch on how we can recognize our attachment styles to recognize Codependency, Counterdependency, and Interdependency. We further dive into how the populace of polyam folks is largely independent women/femmes and how that may affect the data that researchers have gathered over the years.

Learn more about our guests at www.makingspacepsychotherapy.com and www.createhealthysynergy.com and follow on IG: @dr.sophiamurphy

Today's guest, Michelle Vaughan, co-authored a significant research project about compersion, and in this episode we take a deep dive into it. We learn about her project which covers what compersion is and how it can be measured, and how we might use this information to improve our relationships. We also learn that there are not one, but THREE different types of compersion! Tune in to hear what those three types of compersion are, and learn more about Michelle by following her on Twitter: @MichelleDVPhD

TW: Sexual Assault & R*pe

Our guest today has an incredible and remarkable story. From home school to college, from psychology and business degrees to marketing and office management, from drug and alcohol addictions to sobriety and work as a high end escort, and now as a therapist, relationship coach and certified sexologist, her life experience has taught her one thing above all…there is no need for a life filled with shame.

This amazing guest has a knack for making people feel safe to explore their shame without feeling judged. Her personal experience in moving past THAT crippling emotion, and realizing her full potential as a joyful being, is a powerful gift that she is able to share with her clients so that they, too, can live happy and shame-free lives.

Whether we experience shame about gender, race, sexual orientation, fantasies, socio-economic status, or anything else the results are the same: lower self esteem and distrust in ourselves and our relationships.

Our guest today can help us overcome that. Joining us today from the Shame-Free Zone out of Grass Valley, CA, welcome to the show Veronica Monet!

Learn more at www.theshamefreezone.com and follow her @the_shame_free_zone

Therapist Stephanie M. Sullivan joins the show today and shares her story of finding polyamory through the lens of writing her grad school thesis. After a quick run-in with her cat, we talk about ambiamory and then dive right into ways to make mono-poly relationships successful. We talk about attachment styles and how they apply specifically to mono-poly relationships, including how introducing polyamory to a previously monogamous relationship can cause an attachment injury. So how should we approach the subject when just approaching it could cause damage to your relationship? Tune in to find out, and learn more about Stephanie at www.coloryournamecoaching.com and www.attune-ment.com, and follow her on FB/IG: @SMSullivanMFT and @coloryournamecoaching.

This episode got real deep and left me speechless at the end! Christine and I start by chatting about what her children have seen and gone through being raised by polyam parents. She shares a close call story when one of her children asked a school counselor about jealousy in a polyam relationship, which may give listeners a good insight on how to approach similar situations. And of course, Christine and I get to explore human sexuality and development from two corollary viewpoints: that of Chakra and Eastern culture, and Western Pyschology through the eyes of Erikson. This was an incredible conversation that highlighted how a 5000 year old practice (Chakra) is validated by more modern psychological teachings, and how trauma is carried in the body through both of these lenses. And seriously...I'm speechless by the end, so check it out!

Learn more about Christine Laplante at www.becomeintegrated.com and follow her on FB/IG: @christinelaplantelmhc and @sacrednotsecret

In this episode, I get to chat with Certified Financial Planner Mike Golosovker who gives us some insight into some of the specific nuances relating to polyam folx when it comes to financial planning. While many of the financial foundations are the same across the board no matter your relationship orientation (for example, who are you, what are you trying to accomplish, what are your goals and resources, what's your psychology, and how do we put it all together?), there are some things that make financial planning for polycules a little bit tricker. We cover some of those topics, some things you should be thinking about as a polycule, and also what stops a lot of poly folx from taking the important steps of planning for their future. If you want to set yourself up for financial success, be sure to tune in and learn more about Mike by going to www.champion-strategies.com and follow on FB: @ChampionFinancialStrategies

In this episode I get a chance to chat with Kitty Chambliss, #1 best-selling author of The Jealousy Survival Guide and Host of the Loving Without Boundaries podcast. We tackle a listener request about how to tell your monogamous partner that you may be polyamorous, and she gives some incredible insights on the subject. Being clear about your identity, for example, and being undoubtedly certain that you are polyamorous is an important first step to take before sharing the idea with your partner. If this resonates with you, be sure to tune in for a deep dive into coming out to our monogamous partners! Kitty offers relationship coaching services and you can learn more at www.lovingwithoutboundaries.com, and follow them on IG: @lovingwithoutboundaries and Twitter @PolyTalkByKitty.

In this episode I interview my two friends, Nel and George, who have been married for over 30 years and polyam for the past 8. Recently, Nel has had a JOYNING (a life commitment ceremony) with another partner. and we get to hear from George and Nel what their experience has been through this transition. We talk about what it was like in the early days of opening up, and how things have changed between then and now with this new life partner in the mix. Nel is also an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, so if you are seeking counseling for your polya journey in California, she can help you out! Go to www.affirmingtherapycenter.com and follow on FB: @AffirmingTherapyCenter

What an incredibly powerful episode! Staci has been polyamorous for nearly 20 years and only recently was correctly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder--not to be confused with bipolar personality disorder. She shares her experiences with such vulnerability and transparency, and gives a message of hope for those who are in similar situations. We get into the differences between borderline and bipolar, symptoms of borderline, and tips for partners (especially favorite persons) of folx with borderline.

I learned a lot from Staci about what borderline is and I hope others can connect and resonate with her story. If you'd like to chat with her, find her on Facebook under Staci Gatschet(-Miller).

This episode was recorded June 1, the beginning of Pride month. I come from a very conservative Hispanic home, was taught that boys don't cry, expected to be a manly man, and when I spent time in the military a lot of those teachings were emphasized further. So it's been a long road for me to get to where I am today: a staunch ally of the LGBTQIA+ community, and someone who will fight alongside you for equal rights and protections. I know I've still got a long way to go, but this is my story and what Pride means to me.

In this episode I chat with therapist Nikki Beecher who started her polyamorous journey with a long-distance relationship. LDR's have a tendency to put pressure on you and your partner's time, money, and energy resources, which can easily lead to resentment when needs aren't being met. Nikki and I get deep into how to address resentment especially in long distance relationships, but the lessons apply to relationships of all types. We cover some tips to help you have these hard conversations with your partner, the power of authenticity and vulnerability when getting into those conversations, and how managing expectations at the beginning of your relationships can help prevent resentment in the future. 

Tune in for an awesome discussion and learn more about Nikki at www.mftnikki.com and follow on FB: @caritascounseling

What's the polyamorous world looking like for the next generation? In this episode I'm excited to chat with Leanne from @polyphiliablog, who talks about her experience as a polyamorous Gen-Zer. She shares her discovery of polyamory at just 17 years old, talks about her journey so far, and how being polyam has affected relationships with her friends and family. As the creator for one of the most popular polyam pages out there now, Leanne explains how she uses humor, wit, and creativity to create community and send a message of normalization. We talk about what healthy polyamory looks like, her experience as an autistic person in polyam relationships, and what it means to take ownership of your emotions.

Learn more about Leanne at www.polyphilia.blog, buy her stuff from polyphiliastore.rebubble.com, and I'm sure you already are but just in case follow her @polyphiliablog!

In this episode we talk with someone who has been non-monagmous most of her adult life and until a year ago had been practicing polyamory for about 6 years, After such a long time not being monogamous, she has now found herself loving her life in a monogamous relationship. Ambiamorous, anyone? Leigh's story about choosing to be consciously monogamous and how the lessons she learned from polyamory and non-monogamy have improved her monogamous relationship is enlightening, and I love being able to explore the conscious choices that make us who we are. She's also a sex coach, and we talk about when someone might need a sex coach, and first steps when opening up. If you enjoyed hearing her story, learn more at www.sexcoachleigh.com and www.queersnextdoor.com and follow them @sexcoachleigh and @queersnextdoor!

While there is no "right way" to be polyamorous, there are some things that those who are new to the scene (no pun intended) should know. In this episode, I talk about some of those things that newly minted polyamorists should be learning and thinking about, and I also speak to our community about the lack of empathy I sometimes see exhibited toward these new poly folx. Let me know what y'all think!

On this episode I'm joined by one of the coolest people on the internet, Claire Travers from @polypages!

After some egregious fangirling on my part, we dive into what Solo Polyamory means and why the number of partners we have or don't have doesn't determine whether or not we can identify as SoPo.

We talk about trends that we see among our listeners and wonder out loud what those trends say about the community at large, what it might mean for our polyamorous relationships, and what makes our way of relating so special and unique.

We also talk about life after break-ups, especially as Claire recently decoupled from three partners within a pretty short time frame.

Claire is a full-time academic researcher and she skillfully simplifies the huge topics and ideas presented in polyamory literature for her audience. I'm so happy to have had the chance to chat with her and learn from an incredibly smart and articulate human who is creating incredible content and providing a wonderful service to our community.

Learn more at www.polypages.org and follow Claire @polypages!

In this episode I get to chat with Tanya Jarvik, a speaker and relationship coach who shares her story  about navigating non-monogamy in the mid-90s, before any of the major books and authors we know and love today, were available or published.

Tune in to hear her story about telling her husband that she had a new love interest after years of monogamy, how she began to build community through magazines and online communities, and what it takes to make our communities strong and vibrant today. We also get to hear her experience of growing up in a Mormon household and what role religion played in her discovery of and journey through non-monogamy and polyamory.

We also get to learn a new term, coined by Tanya herself, as how she identifies as a Relationship Permaculturalist. Tune in to learn what that means and see if it resonates with you!

Learn more about Tanya at www.radicallyrooted.com!

We are joined for an encore performance by Texas Attorney Stacey McLarty who has a ton of tips for all you polyam folx who have multiple nesting partners or are thinking about moving in with your partner(s). Tune in to hear what types of documents and contracts you might want to prepare for different situations.

We cover things you might put together regarding living agreements, why a new partner moving into your home would benefit from a rental agreement, what you might want to consider doing if you are planning to start a business together, and some possible options to help make sure your chosen family can be in the hospital with you in a worst-case scenario.

The biggest takeaway whenever I chat with attorneys is simple: plan ahead!

I'm so grateful to have been able to bring this awesome guest onto the show. Be sure to check out Episode 40 for part 1 of this interview, and if you are in Texas and need some legal help or advice be sure to go to www.chosenfamilylawtx.com and get in touch with Stacey!

Are you looking for a large, powerful transformation in your life, something that might require you to tune into your soul and shift some of your lifelong beliefs and paradigms?

Our guest today is a differently abled polyamorous preacher, podcaster, and spiritual coach, and in this episode, I talk with Reverend Amanda Ganley about what she went through when she dismantled the religious teachings of her childhood. She found herself discovering and connecting to her higher power and authentic self in groundbreaking ways and it was such a powerful shift for her and her life, that she felt called to minister and help others experience it, too.

Amanda loves to help her clients tap into their authenticity and help them discover that being true to oneself is the pathway to connecting with their higher power. Through these teachings, she has helped her clients turn the corner and accomplish their major life and relationship goals.

Tune in to hear the lessons she's learned regarding her spirituality, how it shows up in her polyamory, and how she's helping her clients find peace, self-awareness, and authentic connection to Spirit.

Learn more about Amanda at www.amandaganley.com and follow her @poly_priestess !

In this episode I get an opportunity to talk about the intersection between big bodied people and polyamory with therapists Katy Alaniz and Cutter Roberts. Both are therapists who help people dealing with eating disorders, navigating polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, and trauma. They are also partners, and we get a glimpse of how their relationships have been affected by living in big bodies. We talk about what they've done to navigate this intersection, and how they help their clients do the same. Tune in for some awesome conversation and insight, and learn more about our guests at www.thewakefulstate.com and www.dallasctc.com, and follow them @theweightytherapist and @dallasctc!

In this episode I interview Dr. Jen Schwartz, an awesome polyam therapist based out of Utah. She's been practicing polyamory for 20+ years, including having lived several years as part of a quad with as many as 12 children around at any given time! We get to explore how they navigated children and polyamory, how the children were affected by their parents' polyamory, and how Jen navigated powerfully ending a relationship with one member of the quad while marrying another. This was such a great conversation with a lot of funny stories, wonderful insights, and lessons we can all take away to improve our relationships even when they end. Learn more at www.thirdeyefamilysolutions.com and follow Dr. Jen @thirdeyefamilysolutions

In this episode I am joined by Roy Graff from Open Relating, based out of the UK. We dive headfirst into talking about compersion and jealousy, and as the conversation goes on we get deep into what i means to truly connect your authentic self with your partner's authentic self. This was an amazing conversation full of nuggets of wisdom, tips, and strategies to becoming more self aware so that we can love our partners better. Roy offers coaching and a 5-week course for polyam folx. Learn more at www.openrelating.love and follow Roy everywhere @openrelating!

In this episode I learned A LOT from therapist B Lourenco about how Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Autism Spectrum Condition hopefully soon!) shows up in adults and how it affects their relationships. Whether you are neuro-typical or neuro-diverse, there is a lot of great information packed into this 30-minute show! We discuss how ASD shows up in adults and how to bridge the gap in communication with neuro-mixed type relationships. Be sure to stay to the end to hear how dating someone who is neuro-diverse can really make your heart soar! Learn more about B at www.blourencotherapy.com!

In this episode with Valerie Beltrán, we discuss metamour relationships. She explains how in her own journey, her views shifted from seeing her metamours as a threat to her relationship, to seeing them as friends, confidants, and part of her community. Tune in to hear how she communicated her jealousy to her partner and how she overcame the tendency to compare herself to her metas. If you are interested in using psychedelics in your therapy journey, stay to the end where we get into some good discussion over what's around the corner in this exciting field of medicine. Learn more about Valerie at www.therapywithvalerie.com and www.psychsems.com, and follow her on IG: _damsel_in_destress_

What does it mean to be truly autonomous? Like really, TRULY autonomous? Amongst other things, it means to break free of all of the myriad constraints that we’re held back by…constraints held by society, held by family, held by our own expectations of ourselves based on what we’ve seen growing up, in the media, and that have been ingrained in us throughout our lives. In this episode, I’m joined by the incomparable Marie D’Elephant and we have aa fantastic conversation around breaking free of those constraints and taking ownership of our own lives. Tune in to learn more, and find out more about Marie at www.mariedelephant.com and follow her everywhere @mariedelephant

Therapists are human, too, and in this episode Emelie and I talk about what we can do to #endthestigma around everyone (including therapists) getting counseling and therapy. We dive into ADHD and I learn about the two types (inattentive and hyperactive), and Emelie tells me about how ADHD shows up in adulthood. Getting even deeper, we talk about what the term "neuro-typical" might mean, and the places where it intersects with polyamory. Tune in for a great conversation and learn more about Emelie at www.sprouttherapypdx.com and follow them on IG & TikTok: @sprouttherapypdx

On today's episode we have therapist Amariah Love and her partner, Patrick, who talk to us about how they met and how Amariah's work as a therapist transcends into her polyamorous relationships. They talk about the benefits and challenges of having kink- and poly-friendly therapists, including protocol in case you see one another at kinky events! Stick around to the end to hear how stigmas around bisexual men shows up in polyam, and how Patrick has dealt with some of these issues. This is definitely a conversation that needs to continue! Learn more about Amariah at www.AmariahLove.com and follow her on FB: @AmariahLoveCounseling.

Grief and identity are such interesting subjects and in this episode, therapist Taylor Mefford and I talk about where those two important subjects intersect. I gotta tell you all, I was really loving the way Taylor explained what it's like to come to terms with changes in our identities, especially recovering from religious upbringings and practicing ways to love that are contradictory to religious and societal teachings. Tune in for some fantastic analogies and a deep dive into how different types of grief affect our lives! For more from Taylor, go to www.MyTherapyNYC.com and follow @mytherapynyc!

What is identity, and how do we define who we are?

This week featured a bonus episode recorded on a Friday, with a pretty incredible guest out of Manhattan, NY. Dr. Dulcinea Pitagora is a queer, polyamorous, former sex-worker turned affirming therapist and their story is inspiring to say the least.

If you are gender non-conforming, transitioning, or have otherwise struggled with who you are or who you present to the world, this episode is for you.

Learn more about Dr. Dulcinea at www.dulcineapitagora.com or www.KinkDoctor.com and follow them on Twitter: @KinkDoctor

Today's show features a polyamorous attorney out of Austin Texas, and we get to dive into some really good discussion about polyamory and the law! But first, Stacey shares some details of her personal story, including some surprising details about her bonds with two partners! We talk about how relationship structures can vary from one person to the next, and how to reassure partners that they are loved for who they are.

Tune in to hear some personal tips on managing relationships that move at different speeds, plus get some tips on how to legally protect your Chosen Family's future!

For more, check out www.chosenfamilylawtx.com and follow Stacey on IG: @staceymclarty

This episode was filmed less than an hour after George Floyd's murderer was convicted, and I was super happy to have a voice of the Black community on the show to share her thoughts and experiences as a polyamorous Black woman. Kendal Edwards is a sex and relationship coach  out of Atlanta, Georgia, and in addition to answering some Polyam 101 questions from our live audience, we get into a discussion around the intersectionality of race and polyamory. Tune in to hear her story and get some great resources, too!

Learn more at www.kendalsgarden.com or follow on IG: @_thekinkshrink

TW: Trans issues around pronouns and non-acceptance from family members.

Water and I covered some really deep issues in this episode, as we searched for ways that people can embrace and find freedom in their truth. There were times when this conversation was really tough, and I felt the need to check my privilege and think hard about the message I want to send to our community.

There was at least one big lesson for me in this conversation, which was that sometimes I need to let go of certain parts of my identity and that's okay. I'm not meant to be all things at all times.

I hope you enjoy the show and learn more about Water Shepherd at www.thirdeyeintegration.com

Oregon attorneys Steven Mastanduno & Nate Jones talk with me today about how individuals and polycules can set themselves up for legal success when it comes to buying/selling property together, setting up terms for guardianship of dependents, and estate planning. There is a lot of room for improvement and growth in society with regard to law and polyamory, but unfortunately the law moves slowly and there is a huge void where the law doesn't conform to what people are doing. This begs the question, how many people are willing to contact their state legislature? What Polyamory Activism movements are out there? 

Steve and Nate are doing everything the can to help the community work around some of the failings of the system and help polycules navigate proper planning.

Tune in to learn more about polyamory and the law and check out Steve and Nate at www.mastandunolaw.com

Sex-Positive Therapist Christy Powell joins me today for fantastic conversation around sexuality through a secular/atheist lens and finding joy in the dating process. He reminds listeners to enjoy the moment and take things slowly, and we spend some time breaking down religious pillars around sexuality and coming to terms with our identity in spite of religious upbringing. I really liked this line from Christy: "Giving ourselves permission to build the best version of our lives not our best replication of somebody else's vision."

Tune in and learn more about our guest at www.vcatx.com or follow him on IG/FB: @valencecounseling

This is among the most important conversations I feel like I've had on the show so far.

Sex-Positive Psychotherapist Carling Mashinter joins me to open up the conversation around STIs, and we dive in head-first into stigma, societal trauma, treatment options, and likelihood of transmission.

We all have a role to play in the destigmatization of folx living with STIs, and we all have the opportunity to be allies.

Tune in to hear more, and learn about our Carling at www.relationshipmatterstherapy.com and follow her on IG/FB: @relationshipmatterstherapy

Are you on the fence about getting a therapist? This conversation with Kate McNulty dives into some things to help people discover what they might need to know prior to starting therapy, and some advice for beginning that journey. Additionally, we talk about dismantling the toxic masculinity trope regarding men's fear of emotions, why it's better for people to be honest and open about their desires to be with others rather than identity crises for lying about those desires, and taking care of each others' feelings during big conversations (listen for what we agree with from what the other person is saying, rather than preparing our arguments). So much good stuff!!

Learn more about Kate at www.sexpositivetherapist.com

In this discussion with Poly Coach Laurie Ellington, we talk about strategies for managing emotions and she explains how, very often, the negative emotions we're feeling are our inner child's way of protecting us. Laurie talks about connecting with your inner child, often using internal family systems (think Pixar's Inside Out), and other emotion-management strategies like "The Bitch Book." We also get a quick refresher on somatics, and how it's tied in with the nervous system.

Learn more about Laurie at www.poly-coach.com and follow on FB: @PolyamoryCoach

This episode's conversation with Radical Relating's Mel Cassidy covered a wide swath of topics. In digging into the Monogamy Hangover, we talked about the effects of patriarchal monogamy, what it means to be on the relationship escalator, how ancestral trauma and colonialism (including monogamy being forced on indigenous peoples) contributed to patriarchal aka toxic monogamy, somatics, and solo-open network poly. Wow!! So much valuable information packed into a 30-minute segment! 

Learn more about Mel Cassidy at www.radicalrelationshipcoaching.ca and by following her on IG: @radicalrelating

I grew up in a conservative, religious household and grew up expecting the "white picket fence" monogamous ideal. I'm no longer religious, but I went through several identity crises as I navigated my way to my authenticity today, especially through my polyam journey.

Holistic Therapist Sebastian Earl joins the show to address exactly these types of issues, and his mission is to empower his clients to achieve radical self acceptance and love. Many polyam folks are looking for a way to live authentically even while respecting their religious upbringings, and Sebastian and I have a great conversation around marrying religion and non-conforming love styles.

Tune in and learn more at www.authentictherapy.com

This episode features Tatiana Aitken, a tantra provider in North Yorkshire, UK, and she is gracious enough to provide an Introduction to Tantra 101. The only thing I knew about Tantra going into this episode is the (probably bad) representation shown in American Pie 2, and Tatiana shares what a typical Tantra session might look like, what Tantra is meant to do for participants, and shares a story on how Tantra completely changed her clients life. Tune in to hear more, and learn more about Tatiana at www.tantrichealingtherapy.co.uk

Life Coach Angela Hayes joined us on this episode and we had one hell of a conversation! Tune in to find out what's the difference between a therapist and a life coach? How to take the victories and skills from the parts of your life that are going well into the parts where you're struggling. Tips on communication, such respecting & validating the other persons point of view and avoiding making mistaken assumptions. My personal biggest takeaway: Infidelity means different things to different people and each person's definition of infidelity is valid.

Learn more at www.lifecoachroundrock.com and follow Angela @lifecoachlotus

I don't have the words to express how excited I was to have Dr. Eli Sheff join me on the show! We talked about her personal story of why she was inspired to study polyamorous families, her academic work and publishing her books, and of course her newest project (The Bonding Project) and how it is impacting the relational landscape for people in all manner of relationship styles. We had a ton of fun and you will, too! Tune in, and find out more at www.elisabethsheff.com and www.bondingproject.com !

Did you know that the majority of therapists, even couples therapists, get little to no sexual health education?! My mind was absolutely blown by this tidbit, and I was totally impressed with Heather's passion for educating her fellow therapists. It's why she founded the Sexual Health Alliance, which has grown tremendously and is providing that vital information to mental health professionals everywhere. Tune in to learn more!

Find out more at https://respark.co and https://sexualhealthalliance.com

A picture is worth a thousand words, especially to an art therapist! Tune in to learn how our guest uses art in her therapy practice to get a deeper look into the thought processes and understandings of her clients. We get into the nitty gritty of art therapy and communication, especially how it applies to polyamory and polyam relationships. Tune in to learn more, and follow Molly on Insta:@splatter_paint_therapy_

Jessie shared so many of her personal experiences in discovering polyamory, navigating different kinds of non-monogamy while finding the labels that best suited her relationship preferences. Now the hinge in a V (or Z if we add her meta), there's been a lot of growth and self-realization for her over the years. If you are considering coming out to family, tune in to the end where Jessie shares her experience and offers her advice. Let's break down the stigmas together!

What is the relationship escalator? Why do we tend to follow that prescribed path? What happens in our relationships when we forego the standard storyline propagated by society? Get answers to these questions and more with our special guest, Indigo Stray Conger! Learn more at www.milehighpsychotherapy.com

Want to learn how to find fairness and balance in your relationships? Dr. Tiffany Ruelaz has your back! She is passionate not only about serving our community, she's equally driven to make sure that mental health care is made available to as many people as possible. Tune in to learn how she helps people become more self aware, create quality time in relationships, and hear what she is doing to inspire and build her community. Learn more about what she's up to at www.changeaz.org!

This was a lot of fun! Dr. Edelstein made a name for himself as the three-minute therapist and shared a ton of tips on how to be your own therapist. If you want to change the way you view your thinking and shift the way you approach nearly every emotion you can think of, this episode is for you! Tune in and learn more at www.threeminutetherapy.com!

We are more than our kink, we are more than polyamorous, we are more than our mistakes. Therapists who understand that we are full human beings, and refuse to see their patients through such a limited frame based on our relationship choices, are the ones that will be most effective. Today's guest is exactly that kind of therapist, and we dig deep into how we can be most honest and authentic and create a greater sense of trust in our relationships. Tune in and contact our guest at www.lakinkshrink.com!

Let's get kinky with it!! Miss Nookie is a love, sex, romance, and kink educator and author. She's created an online experience for kinksters, by kinksters, where you can get access to her educational resources and meet other kinky folks. In this episode we talk about what kink means, avoiding abusive relationships, and being your best, kinkiest self! Tune in for some fun!

This was an amazing experience for me, personally. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty hard on myself and expect a lot from the best parts of me. Dr. Meir helped me see how human I am, and helped me give myself permission not to be a machine. Very powerful episode that you won't want to miss!

This episode was so much fun! I got to know this beautiful couple and share their energies, and we had some really wonderful discussions around the way we connect to psychic energies, differences in energies between monogamous and polyam connections, ecstatic dancing, and challenges that polyam folx have faced during the pandemic. Tune in for a great show!

Wow! Seriously, I have almost nothing else to say! This episode was incredible. Claire and I took a deep dive into how we can overcome different emotions by using a visualization and meditation technique, and I kinda accidentally practiced it right on the show! This episode was chock-full of life-changing nuggets. I'm going to use a similar technique the next time I'm struggling with crushing self-doubt! Seriously. You don't want to miss this one!

Speaking from both her personal experience and also her experience with clients and polyamorous peers, our guest today had a ton of wisdom and knowledge to share with our audience. Based outside of San Antonio, TX, our guest provides holistic coaching and has developed a multitude of classes for her local polyam community. There are so many golden nuggets in this episode, you may want to listen twice!

This episode was too short!! We had an awesome therapist on today, and despite a bit of a late start and our guest having a prior engagement oohhhhhh wow did we get into some juicy discussion!! We dove right in talking about ethics in non-monogamy, supporting new couples opening up, societal acceptance, and how to deal with family acceptance in polyamory. Tune in to this episode for sure!

Wow! What a show! This episode featured a veritable rock star in our polyam community, someone who has been a keynote speaker at multiple events and whose most recent course in Transcending Shame has created an entirely new life for her. Hopefully you can gain some value from this, too, as we cover as many topics as we can in our 30-minute segment. Enjoy!

Do you feel as though you have to ask permission from your partner(s), or do you expect them to ask you for permission for certain things? I get pretty deep into my ideas on permission in polyam relationships, as well as finding balance in relationships, competition among metamours, and the three rules of polyamory: Communication, Communication, Communication! Link to the article below. Tune in!

https://vocal.media/humans/best-polyamorous-relationship-tips-to-make-it-work

Today we have a life coach and therapist who is not only polyam-friendly, he is polyam himself! We get into some great discussion talking about the differences between dating single and being polyamorous (ah, the early years!), how we can better manage our existing relationships when the NRE is strong, and what some techniques to go after our greater life goals. Tune in!

This was such a fun episode! These three amazing guests offered so much wisdom and grace to your host. It was a pleasure to be among and to learn from them. We talked about the challenges of a new partner coming into a polycule, struggles around dating post-covid, the challenges of being poly-saturated, and the importance of acknowledging our privilege and creating space for marginalized folx. Such a great show! Tune in =)

Today's episode is my take on these 10 tips to opening up a relationship from the article below. I talk about my own experience in opening up, some of the major mistakes that I made (including a jealousy rage) and offer my advice to newly open couples. Fun stuff!

Link to article: https://medium.com/polyamory-today/10-tips-for-successfully-opening-up-5c3318e7d4e1 

On this episode we talk about jealousy, rules and boundaries, and complicated relationships within the polycule. We also get deeper into larger issues facing the polyamorous community including privilege, queer representation, and the importance of community and our chosen family. Hang out with our guest on Discord! https://discord.gg/5Whe9nsC

Despite some minor technical difficulties, Faith and I discuss some tips when opening up a relationship, morality and acceptance of polyamory in society, and finally we get into a discussion around cheating. Tune in for a deep chat!

Today's guest relates her education and passion around intuitive eating to her journey through polyamory. In this episode, we discuss intuitive eating, recognizing patterns, attachment theory, and Jessica Fern's Polysecure. Fun discussion, tune in!

In today's episode, we cover morality, acceptance, and validation of polyamory and our polyam relationships. Join Dee, our wonderful guest who chose to remain anonymous and me as we dig into some deeper issues surrounding our polyamorous community and society at large.

Today's special guest has a particular connection to the host. Can you guess? Tune in to find out!

Consensual Non-Monogamy and Relationship Anarchy are right in line and in the same conversation as polyamory. In this episode, we explore more deeply what that means to our guest, and we see once again how relationships are most successful when we come from a place of kindness!

Our guest today has been practicing polyam for nearly 20 years, and didn't have a lot of the resources that we do now. Tune in to hear how she and her partner navigated in the early years, overcame obstacles, and ultimately found happiness as they approached their relationship from a place of kindness and love! 

Today's awesome guest is a blogger and escape room enthusiast who began her dating life through the polyamory lens, and is now monogamous by choice rather than by default. Tune in to hear her story, and check out her blog at www.buffalosauceeverywhere.com ! 

Thanks for tuning into the inaugural episode of the Practicing Polyamory Podcast! In this first episode, you'll get to hear my story as I tell it to my interviewer, my older brother Hernan. Looking forward to serving you and our community!