Rock-n-Roll Autopsy

The boys form an unexpected alliance with Ted Nugent, smack a stack of Oreo cookies, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Prodigy’s 1997 controversial cut, “Smack My Bitch Up”

The boys take a break from amateur pathology to examine Billboard’s list of the 50 Greatest Rock Lead Singers of All Time.

The boys get caught in a mosh of baked beans and pool noodles, demand domestic duties from conquered kitties, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ted Nugent’s 1977 oversexed overture, “Cat Scratch Fever”

The boys hang up the lab coats, put down the scalpels, and follow their unscientific hearts into the unexplored world of new-ish songs and virtual cigarette breaks.

The boys test their knowledge of rock ‘n roll urban legends, marvel at Molly’s bountiful ballin’, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Little Richard’s 1956 barnstormer, “Good Golly, Miss Molly”

The boys discuss Dee Snider’s desire to depart with dignity, childishly laugh at ding dong double entendres, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Chuck Berry’s 1972 novelty hit, “My Ding-a-Ling”

The boys suffer flying smartphone related injuries on stage, patiently wait for adequate birthday accumulation, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Bonham’s 1989 Zeppelin-esque rocker, “Wait for You”

With scalpel in hand, our fearless host attempts to re-engage in rock n’ roll reanimation, reassess two critically maligned Rush albums — “Presto” and “Roll the Bones” — and reconfigure the remaining pieces into one cohesive kick-ass slab of post-synth era Rush n’ roll.

The boys unnecessarily remake iconic music, catch a whiff of hypocritical platitudes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s 1977 southern rock classic, “That Smell”

The boys teach Geddy Lee the intricate bass nuances of “Christine Sixteen”, abuse their industry dominating podcasting power to shamelessly exploit independent artists, and sort of use the scientific method to determine if streaming killed rock ‘n roll. Featuring Nick Smith from StageDive.

The boys bag groceries with Dave Grohl, join a conspiratorial underground revolution, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Queensrÿche’s 1988 prescient prog rocker, “Spreading the Disease”

The boys hide teenage tube socks from Mom, dish the dirt on Diana, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Michael Jackson’s 1987 slanderous hit, “Dirty Diana”

The boys change diapers at Download, chip their teeth on Chips Ahoy, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Pat Benatar’s 1980 pop rocker, “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”

The boys hike their britches up to their nipples, lament the death of the rotary phone, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Neil Young’s 1994 grunge rocker, “Piece of Crap”

The boys buy a billion dollar ear-worm, lead a police chase with Space Ace, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of the autobiographic 1987 single, “Rock Soldiers” by Frehley’s Comet.

The boys share inappropriate pictures on social media, yarl unintelligible lyrics about Mom’s Daddy issues, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Pearl Jam’s 1991 iconic grunge classic, “Alive”

The boys lack theatre etiquette in the Dawg Pound, deal drugs with Elvis on the Sunset Strip, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ratt’s 1988 bluesy sleaze rocker, “Way Cool Jr. ”

The boys build a budget telecaster, debate the cause of mandible related maladies, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Judas Priest’s 1984 heavy metal classic, “Jawbreaker ”

The boys liberate themselves from the shame of self-service, decide that Billy Corgan is their only worthwhile podcasting peer, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Cyndi Lauper’s 1984 self-gratifying hit, “She Bop”

The boys join Flea for a frantic fecal adventure, debate the lyrical depth of Bret Michaels, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Poison’s 1990 pumpin’ pop hit, “Unskinny Bop”

The boys analyze anal vapors with Vessel, debate the appropriateness of derrière devotion, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of PotUSA’s 1995 bodacious B-side, “Carolyn’s Booty”

The boys referee a septuagenarian street fight, struggle to appropriately identify reproductive anatomy, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Primus’ 1995 alt-rock hit, “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver”

The boys play air guitar to prerecorded Motley Crue, put some distance between themselves and lecherous teenagers, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Police’s 1980 reggae rocker, “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”

With scalpel in hand, our fearless host attempts to trim away the bloat and mediocrity from Gun N’ Roses and Metallica’s infamously overstuffed double albums, “Use Your Illusion” and “Load/Reload” and combine what’s left into one cohesive kick-ass album of mid-nineties hard rock n’ roll.

The boys engage in wildly reckless KISS speculation, stalk Playboy bunnies at the supermarket, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Blondie’s 1978 new wave knockout, “One Way or Another”

The boys snort a mountain of blow, rerecord a classic podcast just to spite one another, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Eric Clapton’s 1977 reluctant anti-drug blues rocker, “Cocaine”

Without the guardrails of science to fall back on, the boys deviate from their typicality prudent decision making in favor of deliberately provocative, sensational, and often ridiculous hot takes about a few of their favorite rock ‘n roll bands.

The boys audition several iPads for their upstart rock ‘n roll band, lament the absence of free chicks in their chosen vocation, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Dire Straits’ 1985 MTV smash hit, “Money for Nothing.”

The boys wear spandex to a retirement party, impress Michael Jackson with lame fat jokes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s 1988 portly pop parody, “Fat.”

The boys enjoy dial-up internet with Richie Sambora, use racist cosplay and bad dinner theater to fight the inevitable irrelevance of age, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Styx’s 1983 synth-pop sensation, “Mr. Roboto.”

The boys battle middle-age mid-sections, commit political suicide on antenna TV, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Filter’s mid 90’s mid-west industrial metal hit, “Hey Man Nice Shot.”

The boys attempt to mediate a Pink Floyd peace treaty, hire a team of outside writers to stay relevant, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ozzy’s Grammy winning title track, “Patient Number 9.”

The boys stubbornly refuse to discuss the 2023 Rock Hall nominations, offset cocaine induced hearing loss with reverb, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Prince’s 1984 sex fiend serenade, “Darling Nikki”

The boys offer unsolicited financial advice to rock stars, shame Phil Anselmo into taking an online cultural sensitivity course, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Butthole Surfers’ 1996 slacker rock hit, “Pepper.”

The boys share more bad news, make ridiculously unfounded claims about Dolly Parton, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rammstein’s 1997 slab of German industrial metal, “Du Hast.”

The boys cancel their subscriptions to Rolling Stone, debate the intent of voluptuous voyeurism, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Queen’s 1978 rotund rock hit, “Fat Bottomed Girls.”

The boys pair red backwards baseball caps w/cheap rented tuxedos, attend The Poddys awards gala, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Limp Bizkit’s 2000 nu metal rap rock hit, “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle).”

The boys light the holiday ham candle, celebrate the season by sharing a few of their favorite Christmas songs, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of AC/DC’s 1990 randy reindeer rocker, “Mistress for Christmas.”

The boys sexualize baking ingredients, get lap dances at the Back Bar, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Def Leppard’s 1987 pop rock hit, “Pour Some Sugar On Me.”

The boys chew on Metallica’s surprise “Lux Æterna” single and “72 Seasons” album announcement, debate the artistic intent of W. Axl Rose, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Guns N’ Roses’ 1988 controversial EP epic, “One in a Million.”

The boys admire their facial warts, wax philosophic about their sexual prowess, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Motorhead’s 1991 braggadocious blues, “I’m So Bad (Baby I Don’t Care).”

The boys break out the cowbell, drop gratuitous F-bombs, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rage Against The Machine’s 1992 protest anthem, “Killing In The Name.”

The boys wage a valiant war on diaper rash, age out of angry heavy metal, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Slayer’s 1986 thrash classic, “Angel of Death.”

The boys time travel to the offensive 80s, get high on catnip, kitty litter, and coke, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Steel Panther’s brand new 2022 raunchy rocker, “Never Too Late (To Get Some Pu**y Tonight).”

The boys suffer through an angry, awkward puberty, write nerdy poetry about lycanthropes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Samhain’s 1984 goth punk rocker, “The Howl.”

The boys lament the implications of tiny hands, get loaded on childhood swigs of Dad’s vintage beer, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Alice Cooper’s 1975 shock rock classic, “Cold Ethyl.”