Sabina Rademacher - Love & Relating Snippets
By Sabina Rademacher
How do we relate? How do we perceive? How do we communicate? How we can stay open and open up again?
Heart space is the place where you are empowered to be yourself, where you can trust that whatever decision you make, is the right one.
When someone is in that heart space – they can’t hurt, hate or take advantage!
I show YOU, how being in the heart space opens you up to love more and be loved more.
Sabina Rademacher - Love & Relating SnippetsJun 28, 2022
MAGNETIC WOMAN - Becoming Magnetic in Relationship (& to your Life!) - an interview with MarLisa Hollands
- How would it feel to start receiving energy and authentically step into the person you came here to be?
- How would it feel to create the things your soul wants to fulfil and have them come to you easily?
Feminine Energy requires strategy AND energy to really shift. It’s like shining up your true inner compass and honouring what you know is true for you.
Becoming magnetic to your life allows you to powerfully step into the person you came here to be, your dharma.
MarLisa and I talk about these 3 questions:
- When we think of being magnetic in relationship what does that mean in relation to ourselves and to partners
- Feminine Energy has quite a history. I share some of the understandings I have come to see over the past and what I currently see is happening with feminine energy?
- And I share some daily practices we can do to strengthen our autonomy and self reverence muscles in a world that feels like blaming others is much easier way to not deal with what is really going on
Join me in this conversation with MarLisa.
Decisions through Love not Fear
I had the honour to be interviewed by Neil Wilkins Communications and we talked about how we can make decisions through love not fear, to reframe our lives.
In my past, I had extensive experience in empowering leaders across the world, with the tools and techniques to become more self-aware, empathic and confident in their abilities.
Nowadays, at the heart of my work, is the importance of approaching situations and others with heart and love, instead of mind and fear.
Neil and I discuss the fear of failure and how the skill of living with love can be taught and at any time in our lives.
#leadership #decisions #love #fearless #living #working #fear
Leading Your Life from the Heart!
Leading Your Life from the Heart!
Valeria Teles from Fit For Joy Podcasts interviewed me on the subjects:
- Awareness and Presence
- Emotional Mastery - Ability to feel oneself -
- Leading Self to be able to lead others
- and what is Love?
This podcast channel is a quest for well-being, a quest for a meaningful life through the exploration of fundamental truths, enlightening ideas, insights on physical, mental, and spiritual health. The inspiration is Love. The aspiration is to awaken new ways of thinking that can lead us to a new way of being, being well.
“If you are a man this will be beneficial to you - we can be quite destructive”, said Matt - Live Interview with Matt Roberts, owner and coach of Primalbrotherhood
Matt is sharing very vulnerably, I am asking him questions around these topics:
· Self-sabotage and mistakes affecting his past marriage
· Poor decision in the first place of marriage and he thought he can’t get out of it
· Learning from the divorce, the sabotaging behaviour and what doe he bring forward into the new relationship
· Communication is the key: Men’s difficulty to communicate: What did you learn about communication?
· The importance of Alignment
· Taking ownership vs blaming
Breaking through these walls to create a better relationships.
Unconscious Definition of Love
Our unconscious definition of love is the source of all pain, lack of love and of all dramatic experiences we manifest in our life when we actually long for love.
When I hit German ground after 40 years being abroad and back to my mother’s home, I heard my inner voice saying: you have still not learnt to be your own number one priority.
It hit me hard inside and it hit home.
I had to go deeper and being with my demented mother for almost a year now, gave me a good chance to dig into unhealed wounds.
And then one day, I had a realisation:
My unconscious definition of love was not the same as my conscious definition of love. What I believed love is.
My inner little child had no role model for what unconditional love was.
It’s difficult to recognise exactly what our unconscious definition of love is, since even the definition is unconscious – it has accompanied us from our very early days.
It arose from the relationship to our caretakers, from the interaction of our parents with each other and towards life, since they were our role models.
Our unconscious definition of love is the source of all pain, lack of love and of all dramatic experiences we manifest in our life when we actually long for love.
However, I realised, that In the end, our unconscious definition of love manifested in our daily life experiences is actually helping us to experience unconditional love.
If we would only recognise it!
Listen to this podcast to wake up to your unconscious definition of love, which keeps repeating our painful experiences.
Sexuality and Love go hand in hand. How do we deal with it in ourselves and in the education of our future generation?
- What is Love and Intimacy? How do young people define it? How open are young people to their parents about love and sex?
- Love and sexuality is still such a taboo.
Love is the physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or social affection one person holds for another. Intimacy is achieved when we become close to someone else and are reassured that we are loved and accepted for who we are.
Children usually develop intimacy with parents and peers. As adults, we seek intimacy in close relationships with other adults, friends, family, and with a partner. Intimacy is a close relationship where mutual acceptance, nurturance, and trust are shared at some level.
Alexandra Kreis invited me to her podcast Outer Travel - Inner Journey to talk about love and intimacy.
I love talking to young people and open their feelings about love and intimacy. My heart's calling is to raise awareness on the necessary conversations about sexuality between parents and their children. And to establish deep trust, openness, and vulnerability between parents and their offspring.
In this podcast, I also discuss feminism, masculinity, authentic feelings, and parents’ role to their children about what love and sexuality are or can be.
When you encourage conversations about feelings, friendships, and family relationships, it can help your child feel confident to talk about teenage relationships in general. If your child knows what respectful relationships look like in general, they can relate this directly to romantic relationships.
Conversations like this hope to make your child feel more comfortable sharing feelings with parents even as they start to get romantically interested in others.
And there’s a lot more direction than this can go: treating other people kindly, breaking up kindly, and respecting other people’s boundaries.
Becoming more authentic
Stop pleasing others!
Are you concerned of being liked by everyone?
Are you worried about what others may think of you?
Saying “yes” to all of others people’s requests so they find you cool?
That is pleasing!
A blueprint protection Survival Strategy learnt as a child to get love, to belong, to feel safe!
At what costs?
You are living cut off from your TRUE Self!
Your authentic Self!
You may never feel heard or seen. That is one cost.
Or feeling overwhelm, maybe even taking for granted for. Or even feeling others take advantage of you?
The worst scenario is being involved in constant problems and struggles in relationships.
All signs of living unauthentically.
Step up for yourself ️
Invest in Your Authentic Life!
Trust the process.
Trust you are able to live life EVEN if:
- some people think the way they want about you - so what?
- some friends fall away... (wondering if they were true friends anyway)
- Not everyone likes you
Only true authenticity allows the beauty of deep relating and intimacy.
PS If you don’t know what I am talking about or how to get there, reach out to me. Always happy to have a free first chat).
Making love without PRESENCE is like a RAPE (plus an exercise)
I am not sorry to make this sharp statement.
It’s time we wake up.
Over and over I witness women in relationships and marriages where there is hardly any intimacy and if, it is fast. They also know their men watch porn and often they wake up noticing their partner is masturbating.
AND they feel bad, guilty: I am not doing it good enough for him, I am not attractive enough.
Do you recognise this?
If you do, maybe you have never spoken it out. Most women I speak to, they haven’t ever spoken about this deep pain.
It’s breaking my heart over and over again.
How can we wake up and get out of this loop of not knowing what real intimacy is?
When do we stop making Sexuality a Taboo when it is all over the place, but no-one really dares to speak about it.
The most beautiful experience we can have here in 3D form is intimacy in full presence in full body experience and love. The most beautiful journey and yet we have no clue how to get there.
Women, we need to wake up to be able to lead men to presence.
We owe this to our future generations to come, our children.
Wake up to a hidden belief “to make it best for him”!
Men, become conscious of what it does to women, when you enter her being in thoughts, or in fantasies or in any performance issues.
AND: Become aware of what porn really does to you. To us!
Making love without presence is like a rape.
It is so harmful, people can’t even think how harmful it really is.
I invite you to wake up to make love with presence, care and deep connection.
How do I get to show up for myself first and foremost – over and over again?
Sometimes I can't see in my relationship.
I have no idea what to do.
It's like standing in the fog touching water.
Where does one start and the other ends?
As a lover, partner, friend,..... there are moments
I can only come back to myself.
That is leadership.
It is THAT part of ME which asks me to show up.
Can you relate to this?
The only way I have found which works for me is Conscious RE- CONNECTION to my innate navigation tools.
What do I mean by this?
It’s not the events in our life which impact us, it’s the story we create around it
And then we get so attached to these stories, they not only become our truth, our reality, they start forming our identity.
Most of the time, these stories have made us victims in one form or the other.
I like to share some of mine so you get the idea of what I am talking about, because we all have our ‘stories’ and we even remember our emotions perfectly. Our stories create our personality.
It is absurd that one moment of our life affects us so much.
The first story:
I was abandoned at age 2 in an orphanage.......
Do you recognise a moment in your life you felt alone?
Who did you decide to become in this moment and what did you give up in order to live into this story?
Find out more here.
What does "being a priority" mean in a relationship?
Just recently I’ve seen a quote saying: “I am not your free time or your second choice, prioritize me or leave me”.
One of the most common causes of friction and arguments in relationships is when one partner does not feel like being a priority.
And of course, if “being a priority” is based on the expectations that the other meets your own needs, then this is neediness and manipulation, but not a conscious request for making the relationship a priority.
You have heard me speaking about the importance of knowing one own’s needs, values and boundaries. This knowledge is your pillar for love. For self love and for any love relationship.
And then if you enter a relationship and you really want it to grow, it needs a third entity: call it the relationship bubble or what ever, where both partners make a commitment to.
And 2 more important simple aspects which make the relationship feel "being a priority".
What type of listener are you?
I haven’t created any podcast for a while, since I had to listen deep inside of me.
What listener am I really? How do I listen to others? To Myself?
The importance of how we listen and its impact, is part of my workshop MAKING TIME AND SPACE FOR LOVE (which you can find on my web page). I usually speak of 3 types:
- The interrupter: there are 2 versions
- The attention seeker
- The Pretenders
What impact has my listening style on the other?
And if - in addition - we play out our Drama Triangle roles - where most relationships live in, how can I go deeper learning about my listening?
The ways we bond - the stages of couplehood
May 2021 bring even more awareness in love.
During the Germanic Rauhnächte, which means long cold nights, stories formed part of the family gathering. So let me tell you a story: an interesting one:
How we bonded over the past thousands of years:
- Prior to 11.000 years ago - kind of free love without knowing what it meant
- Property and ownership concept: arranged marriage and its impact
- 18th century: the romantic marriage resulting in Sigmund Freund's discovery - late 19th century, - the choice of a partner, if it is romantic, is influenced by our unconscious minds more than our rational preferences, meaning we choose a person who is incredibly similar to the ones of our caretakers. Post War II understanding of dissatisfaction in marriages was based on concept: "You are responsible for my needs"
- Past 20 years to NOW: CONSCIOUS PARTNERSHIP -
The commitment here is to the needs of the relationship, that third aspect of US. It’s not about YOU, and not about ME, but about the relationship itself, a container for which we both are responsible for and committed to.
The key is: we both make our relationship primary and our needs secondary.
In my coaching I don't focus on healing the traumatised child and it’s woundings, but to empower the Healthy Self which is self-aware and accountable for its own emotions and actions. If two people are reliable, empathic and sustainable present with each other, it creates a new emotional safe environment, where the loving presence replaces old toxic behaviours, and creates a container of joy and connection, which extends further out, supporting others, creating community.
May 2021 bring even more awareness in love.
Gollum inside of me – wants love too
Can we really love the other person unconditionally?
Loving their not- so- nice expressions and behaviours?
And how much do we get triggered by them?
Or we suddenly feel our inner demon having a go at the person we most love?
What is happening here?
He wants other women
It is a repeating story in heterosexual relationships. Most don’t even dare to speak it up. There is a lot of courage in it to stand up for what you feel you need.
However, there are needs and needs.
- One is, that you are coming from the wish to share your abundance of love with other partners.
- The second is coming from a belief, you have not lived enough sexual experiences with others.
If you are in this place, be aware of the impact and the consequences this decision may bring with it. Don’t just be that child which throws his rattle out of the bed and then cries. Be conscious and don’t hide, less you both have agreed on hiding this topic.
The first one, I believe, can be managed if both partners are open to it. It requires feeling and being your partner’s first priority, deep trust, deep love, conscious communication and clear boundaries and agreements. It can still be tricky in our society, where there is a lot of competition, a “chasing” energy and not a lot of community support in this subject. I personally also believe, there is a lot of confusion around how to live “polyamorous” or “open”
If you experience the second one, then... find out more here
Why did you never tell me? - New recorded version
Holding back a truth.
Maybe of fear of speaking it out, maybe of fear of consequences….
How to speak our honest truth? Our desires? Our boundaries?
Find out more here.
Shake, scream and love
Last Sunday I experienced a huge shock. There was nothing I could do, meditating and breathing would not help me in this moment, I was too shocked, too restless. I could feel my 2nd chakra and my throat chakra were totally blocked. They always go together.
What I did was screaming over the empty ocean by sunrise.
And then I shook
I shook the “hell” out of my body.
Until I felt relief.
The situation of course has not gone away or changed, but I felt lighter, more grounded, more sure of what I needed next. And I was able just to listen to what my soft animal, my body, needed.
I’ve learnt long time ago, that in times of extreme sadness, anger, frustration and uncertainty, what has helped me most was shaking my body for over 15minutes or screaming into the forest or over the cliffs into the wide ocean. (if you don’t have a forest or ocean around you to scream into, use a pillow).
Even though shaking or screaming do not bring immediate clarity of my next steps, I always feel my body gains more clarity. I always feel a huge relief, lighter, less stuck. And from that place, I am open again to receive the right messages, or creativity. Or maybe I just staying in flow waiting for what comes next, trusting. At least, I did not feel stuck anymore, nor in my mind trying to figuere it all out. And at least, I was taking care of my body to not let these not so nice emotions get stuck in my body and build up that baggage which one day may explode and swamp everything and everyone around me.
I have learnt, that this method is deep love. Deep love to MY-Self.
All animals do it and scientifically it's explained what it does to our body. Listen here.
Can you feel the fear?
If the fear rushes in, if it hits me, it can be like a Tsunami wave, it’s huge. My mind is racing with all kinds of possible terrible scenarios about to happen. I feel so vulnerable and low, impotent almost to this raising panic in me. It does not matter if it is fear of abandonment or being hurt, or anything else.
I guess, you certainly can relate to this immense fear.
The first time I realised that fear is a monster that I created and at the same time, it is a blessing, - was when I saw the title of the Book: Face the fear and do it anyway. That phrase created curiosity in me to find out more.
Maybe you like to find out more as well here. I trust it helps you.
Tools for the road and not getting lost in relating...
Do you get lost?
I have and I confess I still do sometimes, but I am so grateful to my tools.
However, I was like Alice in Wonderland not knowing which road to take.
If I do not know myself, I don't know where to go nor can I express and show myself fully. I can't show who I really am. And that may keep me in the loop of pretending who I am, to please others and be loved, or to worry constantly what others may think of me.
I need a road map!!!
To navigate my road to relating. I don't have a crystal bowl on my head, where others can look into and say: "Oh, that is how Sabina ticks"... and it won't help them anyway, if I am not clear what my needs and wants are, what my values are and what my boundaries are.
I am the one being responsible to find out:
- what are my needs and wants?
- what are my values?
- what are my boundaries?
Then I know for what I stand up for, how I want to show up. I am stronger and empowered and I can communicate and show others in a clear manner who I am.
CONSCIOUSNESS through Covid? - Conscious Relating and Conscious Split up
Numbers in divorce rates are breaking records in US especially. What is there to do?
Can we look - and are we willing to look - at our relationship and start to learn to connect in a conscious way? And if not, can we split up in a conscious way?
In this interview with Dr Pat, we look at questions such as:
- Is it possible to develop Conscious Relating? and how?
- What is Conscious Relating in the first place?
- What is it NOT?
The path to stay & grow together is not a destination. It is a path.
And in case we do want to split up?
What is the difference between a Conscious Split up vs a separation/ divorce?
Many people get a divorce however they don’t let go from each other emotionally for years. Others separate without being divorced and continue to live in disharmony and blame.
Conscious Split up is a chance to grow. Conscious separation is a human separation, a healing process. If we choose this way, we become role models, especially for our children, for our next generation. We learn to stay in respect for self and the other.
Find out more here or on my web: www.sabinarademacher.com
“I did not come to teach you. I came to love you. Love will teach us.”
That phrase I read somewhere some time ago, i can’t remember where.
But it is so simple and clear…..
Well, I am still in the phase of learning, even as a coach…
The sad truth is we have not been taught what relationship means. Nobody showed us how to deal with conflict and that conflict is part of relationships… any…
We kind of clinch to the romantic idea of “once I found him/her, it’s all bed of roses forever…
Are you kidding me? It’s a hard wake up when the reality hits you.
It had hit me 2x with long term relationship before I decided to find out what is really behind it, what is it in me that my relationships don’t work out!! Originally I thought, relationship is not for me, I give up, next life time… but then, I felt determined to look deeper. - I can’t expect ever the other one to do it for me, nor to love me if I don’t know how to love myself.
The pure truth I found: I was unable to handle conflict.
I was an emotional illiterate.
And that fact can be changed. I only need to be aware and practise.
There are 2 more points which helped me to see light out of the tunnel:
1. Relationship will always mean we will have different points of view, discrepancies or conflict. That the way life is.
2. Real growth comes from intimate relationships.
Staying in a Long term relationship in love and growing together, is the biggest challenge in our life time.
Question here is: AM I UP FOR THIS CHALLENGE?
I said yes to it.
Now, where to start?
I needed to learn to stay deeply in connection with myself when I got triggered.
That is the key.
And I did not.
I went into blame and complain. (it does not matter if it’s shown externally or it is internally). It is still blame.
Staying in connection with myself means I listen to my body, I can feel somewhere in my body something is not right. There is a low frequency. Where is it? How does it make me feel? What am I afraid of here?
Step 2 is: I acknowledge it to myself: I feel….. e.g.very angry/or sad….. and it is ok right now to feel like this.
Step 3: I ask myself: what do I need right now? Mostly it is a hug or if angry, having a tantrum (most of us were not allowed to have one, society does not like tantrum)… so if I need a hug, I give it to myself, if I need to have a tantrum, I go somewhere where I can have it by myself in privacy.
Step 4: only when I am out of that trigger, I speak my truth as soon as possible to the other who caused it, with calmness and I speak from the “I”, not from the you.
If the trigger hits me right in a conversation with someone, I still listen to my body. I still can feel the low frequency and saying to myself, it’s ok.
Step 2 is to ask myself: What would love do now? This question makes me curious and curiosity pauses hurt, I don’t get stuck, instead I become curious about the other and the situation. I am able to ask: How did you mean this? Would you mind to rephrase? I heard… did you mean that? (rephrase the sentence)…. This curiosity stops us from reacting and staying in connection.
What helped me is to starting trusting that whatever is in front of me has come to help me grow. And it comes now, because I am able to handle it.
I practise balancing my mind and heart.
And then I feel gratitude and love…
Until the next learning trigger….
Part of life, … Mastery of Self and the Union..
Just realised tomorrow will be the 10/10/2020, so this podcast is in the honour of the master numbers 1 and 2
Do youngsters hide truth from their parents? How can we create a deeper trusting relation with our children in all aspects?
Recently a friend of mine wrote an article in Linkedin about her 15 year old daughter confessing that sexual activity of different degrees and recreational drugs is a normal part of school life for teenagers.
And yet they are all hiding this fact from their parents.
As a result, relationships at home are routinely dishonest. Young people feel they have to lie about what they’re doing and can’t discuss with parents what’s actually going on in their lives.
How sad is this?
I recall the time of my own kids being teenagers bringing all their friends, saying: “with my mum you can talk about anything”.
That 15 year old teenager also mentioned that her own parents’ readiness to acknowledge and talk about these realities was giving her a greater sense of maturity and balance in handling these aspects of her life.
Unfortunately, at home, parents still show a lack of trust towards their own children. They are trying to control and shut down the possibility of experimentation which makes their children more likely to experiment irresponsibly.
As a coach, I see that damage over and over again, caused through lack of trust by their own parents when my coachees were young.
Would it not be easier to support our children from early on?
To get the best results in our relationships with people old or young, we need honest communication, vulnerability and trust.
When we allow ourselves to speak to our own children about our own doubts, vulnerability confusion we might have experienced or still do, it creates trust.
And when we speak to them as someone who, however young and inexperienced, is capable of rational thought and spoken to accordingly, they become stable, happy and resilient. They develop trust in their own essential competence and ability to manage their own life.
The same is valid if we would allow us to have a dialogue with our children around the subject sexuality. Not the typical one, but a truthful one. Love and sex is what moves us the most in life. It’s one of the most important subjects of our life.
I keep wondering:
Why is this issue still such a sensitive issue between parents and children?
What about we parents become role models, supporting our children to an open, authentic and loving understanding of what love and sexuality means. Children who had parents talking with them about sexuality in ages between 7 to 10 are freer and more open to seek advice of their parents, even when they are older. They establish a deeper trust relationship with themselves, their parents and their future partner(s).
For that reason, I create a workshop called Love and Sex a dialogue for parents and children to create a new, deeper and trusting communication around this important issue in our life: LOVE
You can find more info on my web: https://www.sabinarademacher.com/love-and-sex-a-dialogue
When I feel anxious......
We are in the constant state of restlessness... anxiousness...
We are running on this low grade fever of anxiousness, assigning it to this problem... that problem.
And actually just because we live in that state, we keep attracting more of it, instead of really working on our anxiousness.
What is really behind our anxiousness?
Do you want to know how to work with this?
Find out here!
And I love to hear from you: www.sabinarademacher.com
Have we created a paradox with intimacy/ sex?
To what has the most beautiful act of life been reduced to?
An orgasm driven performance act?
A way to understand ourselves? An Escape for being present and being in feel?
And yet, we all long for deeper longer lasting relationships. We all wish for more intimacy. We all wish for deeper, longer lasting connection in our intimate relation. This feeling of “One-ness” Is it utopia or possible?
Find out more here in this interview with Transformation Talk Radio, US, The Dr. Pat Show
WOMAN NEEDS TO MAKE LOVE FOR HER CONTINUING HEALTH
All of women sufferings – PMS, hormonal ups and downs, anxieties, disinterest of sex, lack of self value, fears,…and many women giving up on sex at all… (I experienced this) are due to one fact: most of us women do hardly ever reach a state of being in total peace and fulfilment. AND Only THAT state regenerates our energy and fills us with love for the beloved one AND for any other person around us.
HOW COME you may ask me?
Because to reach that state, we need to be able to relax fully into sex and be able to reach our full orgasmic state (ATTENTION not necessarily confusing it with an orgasm generated by clitoris stimulation!)
The dilemma is that
a) We as women hardly know that this orgasmic state exists nor how it feels like until we touch it. That place is our natural orgasmic state to which we have a right. That orgasmic state produces waves after waves after waves and as energy moves up through our chakras (not down as in conventional sex), they clean and purify them.
b) Men don’t know either and don’t provide enough TIME and Space, love and dedication for us to fully surrender to that orgasmic state. Men mainly know the tricks of excitement and ejaculation, which are superficially satisfying, while in the depths a bubbling sexual pool remains untapped. A man’s inability to channel his real life force leads to frustration, aggression, anger, restlessness, obsessive fantasising about sex – and all kinds of sexual perversions, which of course affect us in return.
We women need to break the cycle. IT’S IN OUR HANDS to influence the sex act by discovering the TRUE source of THAT orgasmic state.
Find out more here in this podcast.
Magic happens when I get off "my story" and I take personal responsibility
When I speak I noticed especially when I triggered that I speak easily out of “my story”, my wounding. And when I coach couples, I can hear how they speak out of their stories, of their past woundings instead of being in the present moment.
But: How to get off the story when I communicate and I am triggered?
I was inquiring myself exactly THAT question, and I was also asking myself:
- How to speak with personal responsibility when I speak?
- What is my personal responsibility in the speaking and listening?
- Do I consciously speak and listen? Do I share with personal responsibility my truth?
Where is my truth based on?
Is it my personal truth being in the present moment or am I trapped in the hamster wheel of my endless story I am telling myself and that endless core wounding from the past?
So when my partner speaks to me and triggers me, do I speak/ react out of that story and wounding or ….. ….do I take a different approach?
We all know that hamster wheel: that ping pong game we love to play: "You said, no! " "I said...But you said!!" and so on.....(you know..)
There is only one magic way to get out because my truth is always different of my partners. Or from anyone else’s.
The pathway is COMING BACK TO THE PRESENT MOMENT.
And I noticed that magic can happen, when I.... (find out more here)
I Want To Be With You, But Not At All Costs
Yes, I want to be priority for you, but I don’t want you to be my solely focus in life. Our relationship will only work if we both fulfill our own ambitions and dreams and still dream some of them together.
And YES, I want to be with you AND we both enjoy giving time and presence.
I know how you get easily busy with things. And for me to thrive, I really want you to be present with me when you are with me.
Time and presence is priority to make this relationship work.
I don’t want to wait for you to see if you’re going to be able to find time within your busy-ness. It’s important that I know, I am your priority because you are mine. That’s why we are together.
I don’t want to prove to you that I’m worth it.
….nor do I want to ask you for this “worthiness”. I can only feel worthy myself.
We are not here in this world to prove each others’ worth, even so the world runs on neediness in relationships.
I want to be with you but I do not want to live up to your expectations…
…. nor do I want you to live up to mine.
I don’t want to be with you out of neediness for love.
I want to be with you out of my pure ability to truly love myself
What I won’t do is:
I won’t chase after you.
I do not want to spend time being afraid you might walk away anytime, but being fully trusting.......
SEX is a source EMOTIONALITY
Sex is one of the most fulfilling and beautiful things we humans can do and have in our life. And yet it is one of the biggest source of creating the not- so- nice- emotions.
You probably wonder: No way!
Let me explain and let it be food for thought.
I just want to bring more awareness to the hidden emotions before and after love making.
In my last podcast Mastering Love and Overcoming Emotions I spoke about the importance to keep emotions out of love and I gave examples how to overcome them.
Today, I go into the specifics of: "How to deal with the emotions around sexuality, such as anger, frustration or conflict?"
My intention is always, that in any of my podcast there is one thing, you take away for yourself.
MASTERING LOVE AND OVERCOMING EMOTIONS
Love cannot withstand too much emotions.
BE CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS and take Response-Ability for them
They have no space in love.
How to take Response-Ability?
OUR URGENCY IS TO recognise the difference between feelings and emotions.
Emotions are from the past. And they will keep you clued to the past, they will trigger any past again and again, as soon as you allow this emotion to show up. Even a thought / a memory can trigger this very emotion from the past and then you will use it to project it into the present moment, onto your partner.
Love is presence. So if you are not present and busy with emotions, where are you?
As children we developed feelings of being separate, wrong, unworthy, not being good enough… We developed a false Self, with fear around us,
Fear demands the need for protection and defence.
Becoming oblivious about the armour we put around us, we disconnect from ourselves, which shows up as:
· I can’t be vulnerable or even just open with others
· I have non stop Self-doubts about myself and what others think of me
· I can’t trust myself nor others
· I don’t like myself
· I don’t feel passion for life
· I find it hard to ask for help or even accept it
· I don’t feel I belong anywhere
· I constantly look for approval or harmony or
· I constantly lash out on others, suffer from confrontation ..... and many others.....
As we become aware of old emotions and we notice them consciously whenever they arise, they fade. We start re-connecting to our true authentic Self.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONS?
What is truly going on in the split second when emotions surface, the instant, when out of the blue, the love boat begins to rock dangerously?
HOW TO USE LOVE TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
In this podcast I explain the emotions and how they show up and then I show you three options to turn from feeling paralyzed or disconnected to feeling connected and in harmony.
Are you a change agent in - for Love?
You are needed in being a role model.
A role model walking with awareness, awareness of the impact of your thoughts, your words and your actions has on others.
What is needed now more than ever, is our love, light and wisdom that the world requires.
So paradoxically, now more than ever, we need to ask ourselves “what do I need to be at my best?”
How can I fill in my bottle of water as I am “serving” the higher good for all.
What “mud” is in my water that I don’t want others to consume?
How can I lovingly release that mud and ask for it to be transformed into compost?
I feel tested deeply lately and I consciously need to call myself back to remember every day:
that one of the greatest gifts I could ever give someone is the freedom to learn their own lessons, at their own pace.
And perhaps most challenging of all is understanding that one of the greatest gifts I could ever give myself is the realization that if I feel triggered or if I feel happy, it has never been dependent upon other people and their lessons.
With this understanding we all become change agents.
May you remember HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE!!
We are more and more change agents around the globe!
Let’s expand our reach!
Humans need more Sex - Making love more fulfilling
Why is Sexuality still such a Taboo?
Of course, the taboo makes it even more exciting and creates such a huge wanting – so huge, that our children start to look at porn at the age of 8-10 years old.
From my own experience and research, this taboo of sexuality, the ability to talk openly about it, together with an suppressed Eros in relationships due to jealousy avoidance…
…leads to so much confusion, so much pain and hurt. Too often sex becomes a desperate and often clumsy, helpless search to relate, to be one with the other, to fill the loneliness and overcome the separation in one self.
Often it leads to use sex for getting out stress, anger or frustration or just stored hyperactivity, searching for the “orgasm” which brings a moment of relaxation and calmness.
But sex is not for getting rid of our stress!
Also sex is often too short lived for women when men - according to statistics - are done between 2-5minutes. And where does that leave women?
Fulfilling sex nourishes love and increases vitality.
We actually can make love in another way!
A way which is so much more fulfilling, which leaves you with an energy for days and days and days and the love making can last for hours even days. In these hours, real magic happens, MAGIC of healing, MAGIC of deepening of the relating, and the MAGIC of Oneness.
It's not your job to like me - it's mine! - Love cannot withstand too much emotions
Do you remember, when -as a very young age - you got scolded by your dad or mum? You froze… you felt all love was taken from you…it scared you even if you can’t remember that is what was going on unconsciously.
The truth is, from a young age, we develop feelings of being separate, wrong, unworthy, not being good enough…
We cut off from our inner Love Source and developed a false Self, with fear around us, often due to absence of love in the immediate surroundings (family – parents, any caretaker)…
And so the parents begin to write the script for us, for who we are and how we should behave and we gradually loose our authenticity our true voice.
In addition nobody ever taught us the importance of Self-Love. How can you love someone if you don’t know how to love yourself? And how can someone love you, if you don’t love yourself?
Self-Love is connected to authenticity – daring to be the true Self, no pretending, no pleasing in fear of loosing the other.
So how do I learn to love myself - which is my job?
AND: What has Self-Love to do with Presence and Heart Opening?
Find out here in this podcast.
and on a final note:
Love cannot withstand too much emotions, it is like a delicate flower that requires awareness to keep flourishing. Love will slip through your fingers when we let emotions have the upper hand.
You always got a choice
Everyone is experiencing tragic in one moment or the other of our life.
And it can range from small to big.
The only control we have over it, is HOW we react to it.
Supporting young girls in body and emotional literacy - interview with BIG SIS - a girl to girl mental health mentoring project
The earlier - we as mothers – can help our daughters or any girl to understand what is going on in her body and to understand her emotions in puberty, the better they will prepared for future relationships and sexuality.
But most of all, they learn about Self-love.
It would be wonderful if you would support Big Sis: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/big-sis-girl-to-girl-mentoring
Sex is not an orgasm driven performance act - with reflection and exercise
This is another episode under my series: Sex yes and I wanted love….
In my personal life I never was able to feel anything by being entered by a man in short penetration. Of course, many of you could say, I am frigid. I knew I was not, because I could have all kinds of pleasures while masturbating or being touched on the clitoris.
What brought a total change in to my life, was to understand this truth:
· The full circle of love has a missing piece: PRESENCE. Sex is Not an orgasm driven performance act
I suddenly understood how most of us, men and woman approach our intimacy: we are in fantasies, pictures. A "home movie" as I call it nowadays.
I never understood what I was missing, until I finally experienced it: PRESENCE.
It’s the magic key
And there is another truth in my own sex life: the Clitoral Fatigue… I was hit with that in my personal life too. Maybe it had to do with either getting older or getting more aware.
That meant, I was starting to fake orgasm.
Yes, I was hit with shame when I realised this, because actually I have not been authentic and honest to myself nor the one I am with. Instead of helping my lover to understand my body better (for that of course I needed to know my body first) and where and how to touch me, I left him in the belief he is amazing.
I like to invite you here to reflect for just a minute with me with these questions and exercise.
"Cuando las mujeres no tienen voz, todos pierden. Cuando las mujeres no se sienten seguras, no quieren tener sexo”
Cuando leí estas palabras, de repente recordé el dolor que sentí al hacer el amor con mis dos parejas anteriores, con uno estaba casada con otro vivía juntos.
Tal vez comenzó con mi primera relación, pero ¿qué ignorante era yo entonces?
El dolor se hizo evidente en mi primer matrimonio. Me sentí no escuchado. Muchas veces me sentía presionado.
Miro hacia atrás, la historia y miro al presente. ¿Cuánto ha cambiado realmente en la forma en que nos acercamos sexualmente o en la forma de hacer el amor?
El amor es lo que más nos importa.
¿Nos tomamos CONSCIENTEMENTE tiempo para ello?
Y como el autor Dave Booda escribe: " ... empezamos a jugar juegos para coaccionarnos mutuamente para conseguir algo que ambos ya queríamos en primer lugar. Bienvenido a la locura de la cultura actual."
Mato Corona Virus tu relación?
Las aplicaciones a divorcio se ha triplicado en todas partes.
¿Qué ha pasado?
Si no nos tomamos tiempo en una relación para conectar con nosotros mismo y menos con la persona que vive a nuestro lado, nos perdemos, perdemos la conexión con nosotros mismos y perdemos la conexión con el otro.
A mi me pasó, aun me pasó mucho antes de Corona.
Hemos estado viviendo una vida tan ocupada antes de Corona. ¿Cuántas horas realmente encontramos tiempo para nosotros mismo no decir cuanto queda para el otro durante estas pocas horas que finalmente nos encontramos. ¿o mejor pregunta es: tomamos conscientemente tiempo para conectarnos con nuestro interior? y con el Otro?
Trabajo, nińos, fatiga, deberes cotidianas, amigos, deporte… todo esto también existe…
Si Corona dejó su huella en tu relación, todavía hay una oportunidad de mirar todo esto más de cerca.
Para sanar y entender lo que realmente sucedió, no solo "el otro me hizo....." o “ya no nos entendemos…”, sino verlo con consciencia e claridad.
Y si finalmente la única manera es una separación, para hacer un final armonioso claro y consciente y no repetir las mismos errores con otra persona.
Puedes encontrarme aquí: www.sabinarademacher.com
Killed Corona Virus your relationship?
The rates for divorce filing has tripled every where.
What has happened?
When we do not have time in a relationship to refresh of who we are and who the other is, we loose ourselves and we loose the connection in the relationship.
It happened to me. Long before Corona.
The facts where the same.
We have been living such a busy life before corona. How many hours did we actually find time for ourselves or the other during these few hours we finally met. And did we consciously take time to connection to Self and the Other?
So if Corona left its mark on you, there is still a wonderful chance to look at all this closer. To either heal and understand what really happened, not only "the other did to me....." words...but to really look and heal to never repeat again with anyone.
Or, if really the only way is a separation, to make a clear, conscious harmonious ending.
You can find me here: www.sabinarademacher.com
Sex Yes .....and I wanted love!
“When women don’t have a voice, everyone loses. When women don’t feel safe, they don’t want to have sex."
When I read these words, I suddenly remembered the pain I felt in the lovemaking with my two partners, I lived together. Maybe it started with my first relationship, but how ignorant was I then?
The pain became obvious in my first marriage. I felt not listened. I felt not asked.
I look back and I look at the presence. How much has really changed in the way we approach each other sexually or in the lovemaking?
LOVE is what we most care for.
Do we CONSCIOUSLY take time for it ?
And as Dave Booda writes: “ … we start playing games to coerce each other to get something we both already wanted in the first place. Welcome to the insanity of today’s culture.”
Is it normal to have two or three relationships at the same time?
A young man asked me this today and he added: “..and they keep them hidden!!”
We got so many different choices nowadays: monogamy, open, free, polyamorous…which we are able to choose.
So why hidden?
Because even having these choices, all of them can bring a lot of pain and confusion, if you are not prepared for it.
And what has Eros to do with it?
Falling in Love versus Real Love and Partnership – reloaded without music
Eckhart Tolle wrote:
“Relationships aren’t here to make us happy – for true happiness lies within. They’re here to make us profoundly conscious. To break us, to humble us, to make us whole again.”
Love gives us the incredible opportunity to grow beyond anything we ever believed is possible. Intuitively we know it holds a key to our expansion, because it has the profound capacity to bring out the best and worst in us. However, we have not yet fully understood. Most couples give up when the "shit hits the fan". Now with Corona, the number of people who wish to divorce has risen immensely.
When it comes to romance, the most significant misperception we suffer from is the idea that love is the sensation you experience when you *think* you’ve met the person of your dreams. But that is not love. That is a mix of chemicals firing off and expectations being met. It is a biological high combined with a psychological idea of what this new relationship could mean for your potential happiness. Neither of those things are really love.
Love is something you create, not an emotion. Many people fall in love, but few know how to develop it into something that lasts.
Being in love is not a feeling, but instead a consistent display of actions, followed by words and experiences that two people share with each other.
Love is connection
Do you know your preferred love language? How can this knowledge be beneficial for your relationship?
How can the knowledge of it be beneficial for your relationship?
We usually give love as we like to receive it.
What is your way to love?
And how can you turn this love into your biggest gift?
How do you ask for love?
We learn how to get love from early on, unconsciously.
These become our patterns and they get engrained in us.
And we continue to use these in our adult life.
Who is the right one for me? How do I know it is the right one?
Do you know yourself?
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you really want
And what your values are?
Because if you don’t know yourself, how do you know what you are looking for in the other?
No! = is a complete sentence
One of the best ways to empower yourself is to learn to set healthy boundaries.
Restlessness and Anxiety. Lockdown or not Lockdown
Is Restlessness something new?
How often have I personally doubted where is the path, where to focus on, which decision to take professionally or personally.
And my mind just wanted to know, wanted security.
I am sure you know what I am talking about.
Now, the restlessness is about “When can we go back to our normal life? Socialise again?”
And with any restlessness, we need to try to get out of our head.
How do I do it?
Maybe it serves you too.
What would love do now? – We all have the power to reconnect
It’s truly the most sincere question I can ask myself.
There is so much miscommunication in relationships.
So much based on hurt, blame and false perceptions.
All blame, judgement and resentment are based on false perceptions of our ego and do not come from our true self.
If we have NOT been releasing hurt, nor judgement, we go into PROJECTING.
This is the perfect timing for finally raising our awareness our consciousness to who we are and what we do. What is not healed, what needs to be healed.
What are the reasons our mind stays in so much in judgement? We want to matter. We want validation.
When you haven’t been able to resolve hurt, - of which I spoke the days before - we go into judgement.
We want to feel superior, better, we want to prove, we are right.
When there is judgement there is no connection.
We stop listening.
We loose respect.
That is the moment when we use words or making decisions which lead to heart broken-ness.
So how to get out of judgement when we all just want the same thing:
Being heard, being seen.
We want to matter. We want validation.
Dealing with hurt through the acknowledgement of our inner child - Plus Meditation
The acknowledgement of our inner child is so important in the subject of love.
I spoke about hurt and how Hurt played out in relationships is killing them.
Because, the inner child is still alive in us.
Most of human adults are not aware of this when acting out their shame, their neglect, their hurt and abandonment they suffered as a child.
In this episode I show you how to take care of "hurt".
This Episode includes a meditation, so please do not listen to it while driving.