Securing Sexuality

Melissa Saavedra is a Navy Veteran, romance novel connoisseur, and the founder of Steam Box- an artfully assembled, intentionally diverse, monthly box of hot reading, self-care products, and the occasional toy or two. This week, she's here to tell Stef and Wolf all about her path towards becoming an inclusive erotica entrepreneur as well as the conference she's hosting this fall for Romance aficionados, Steamy Lit Con. If you're a lover of steamy literature, if you've always wondered what the appeal of bodice rippers is, or if you just want to know how someone becomes a pleasure curator? This is the episode for you!

Anyone who knows Stefani knows that she is pink OBSESSED. From her hair to her desk, her brand can be summed up (in the words of her Rabbi) as "pink, controversial, and Jewish." So it's no wonder that Stef & Wolf's first post-pandemic trip back to the movie theater was to see Greta Gerwig's summer hit, the Barbie movie. It was slightly more surprising to Wolf to learn exactly what Stefani used to do with her Barbie's back in the day. Listen in as Wolf and Stef talk about the role that these classic toys have in helping children of all genders envision their future adult lives... and unpack some of the ways that the brand has gotten it wrong over the years. Remember the WiFi-enabled Hello Barbie, or the Video Girl Barbie camera? Yeah. This episode is for anyone who has ever watched a child play with their toys and wondered to themselves "what the actual f*@k are they doing?"

Straithe is a social robotics, privacy/security, and human-computer interaction researcher and all-around badass. She's an expert in the ways our use of technology inform how we engage and form relationships with others- coworkers and grocery store clerks, partners and doctors, and everyone in between. Straithe believes that we build empathy for each other when we show empathy to the robots in our lives and she's here to tell us all about why this is and how we can become better humans by interacting with machines. Join us to learn about the small details that create a sense of distance between ourselves and the machines we encounter, and why learning to look past them can also inspire us to be more accepting, inclusive, and kind to the people in our world as well.

Flash back with us to early May, when Wolf and Stef were still on their European Sabbatical. Somewhere on the continent, there exists a cyber brothel- probably more than one, actually- and Stefani decided to check it out... for science. If you've ever wanted an experience that can only be described as somewhere between Labyrinth and Taken, this episode is for you. Listen in as Wolf and Stef recap her adventure, complete with audio recordings of what Stefani describes as "the least sexy thing I've ever done." Fair Warning: In this episode, somebody's yum is about to get yucked.

Brad "RenderMan" Haines" has been hacking things his whole life, but has been doing it professionally for over 20 years. Based out of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,  he has done  work to expose vulnerabilities in wireless networks, Government and corporate networks around the world, Air Traffic Control systems, and most recently, connected sex toys. He is the founder of the Internet of Dongs project (https://internetofdon.gs) where he and  his wife, Circuitswan, work to educate consumers, retailers and the smart sex toy industry about safety and security issues before they become front-page news.

Recently, Wolf was asked by some friends of ours to offer safety suggestions for therapists working with clients who belong to targeted people- trans folks, queer people, women accessing reproductive healthcare, and others. This conversation is necessary because those who are fighting against the rights of these communities aren't just attacking legislatively- they're going after individual providers directly. In this week's episode, Wolf explains the systemic and institutional barriers to privacy that leave mental health providers exposed to harassment and abuse, and shares some strategies for protecting both your practice and your private information. Bodily autonomy and a sense of safety are basic rights everyone is entitled to, no matter what you do or who you are. This episode gives you a head start on protecting and preserving YOUR right to privacy and self-determination online and off.

Did you know that only 29 states require schools to teach sex education... and that 1/3 of those do NOT require this education to be medically accurate? Most of us were lucky enough to learn the "birds and bees basics" at some point before graduation; but how many of us were taught how to turn down unwanted attention with grace and tact- or to receive that no without shame or anger? That's where Unhushed comes in. Unhushed is a values-based, comprehensive educational curriculum for kids of all ages and Executive Director Karen Rayne is here with Curriculum Writer Jessica Smarr to tell us all about the importance of emotionally inclusive, medically accurate information... especially for kids who live and breathe social media. This isn't your gym teachers health class, thank goodness, and Stef and Wolf are here for it.

Recorded live at the AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) annual conference, Wolf and Stef sit down with author and activist Jane Fleishman to discuss her book The Stonewall Generation: LGBT Elders on Sex, Activism, and Aging. Jane tells us about using 1-800 numbers to find the next protest, singing songs while stuffing envelopes, and the best possible way to hand someone a leaflet. Along the way, she offers her advice for bridging the digital divide between aging activists and the next generation of social justice advocates. Sitting around the table together, Jane reminds us that young or old, online or on paper, Pride belongs to everyone.

Wolf and Stef are joined by Jackie Rotman, founder and CEO of The Center for Intimacy Justice, a nonprofit advocacy group focused on challenging ongoing censorship of information about sexual health for women and people of diverse genders by social media conglomerates. In this episode, Jackie explains why advertising menstrual products on Instagram is an act of social justice, how visibility impacts mental health, and what we can do to advocate for access to real, inclusive, medically accurate, and pleasure-promoting content online.

Can ChatGPT make us better at flirting? Can AI replace my therapist? Should Stef & Wolf outsource this whole darn podcast to our future robot overlords? What does it mean to form a romantic attachment to a personality that may or may not actually exist? This week we explore all the ways in which people are using artificial intelligence to mediate their relationships- romantic, professional, and all points in between. Where is a philosopher when we need one?!

SexTech Revolutionary Cindy Gallop doesn't want much... she only wants to change the world. In this week's episode, Stef and Wolf are joined by the pioneering, activist, TED Talk speaker, and founder of the website Make Love, Not Porn to unpack the differences between social sex videos and pornography and learn more about how reframing our understanding of erotica can revitalize our society's understanding of sensuality, intimacy, society, and more. Cindy shares her vision for a vibrant, revelatory, celebratory, body- and pleasure-positive world where men, women, and everyone can feel safe and sexy... and it all starts with a little seed funding.

Our intrepid and incorrigible co-hosts return from their epic multi-country learning extravaganza! This week, they're debriefing their experiences in ancient brothels, modern red-light districts, Spanish museums, and German nightclubs. They've spent the last seven weeks meeting up with some of the leading sexuality researchers, educators, and clinicians in Europe, and they're here to tell you all about it. What do Nazis have to do with drawing your curtains? Can we really believe what they tell us about ancient advertisements? Does falafel belong on a pizza? And how does a burlesque dancer decide what to take off... or not? These questions and more were answered on Wolf and Stef's Sexy Spring Break!

Touch, connection, companionship- these are primal needs. Cultures around the world teach that "It is not good for man to be alone"... but that doesn't mean companionship has to come from another human, right? Where do robots and digital personalities factor into our human quest for connection? How can technology help foster intimate justice and pleasure equity? Are there limits to what we can ask of machines?  Yeah... we don't know. Good thing we have a philosopher on hand to help us ask the questions! Ezio di Nucci is professor of bioethics and director of the Centre for Medical Science and Technology Studies at the University of Copenhagen and he doesn't know either. But the conversation we have is great! 

Slightly less than one year ago, the Securing Sexuality podcast was launched to provide immediate, actionable security advice to people grappling with the Dobbs ruling, which overturned Roe v. Wade. We worried then about the way that personal data and digital communications would be weaponized against people seeking reproductive health care. Eight months later, Stef and Wolf revisit the topic to discuss a recent case in Texas involving private text messages being used in a wrongful death lawsuit involving a self-managed abortion. Tune in to this infuriating, terrifying, update to Privacy in a Post-Roe America today. 

Remember back when the internet was new? Honestly... probably not. We're two generations removed from the dawn of the internet age and even those who were born before the days of the "information superhighway" find their memories of life before AOL rather blurry. The problem with living in this new age of ubiquitous tech is that we've all gotten used to it- we don't think much about online safety anymore because we've all heard those messages, fast-forwarded through the PSA's and dozed off during computer class. The idea that we "get it now" encourages complacency and exposes us to subtle risks we might not think to prevent. Thank goodness that Nicole Schwartz, security researcher and co-COO of The Diana Initiative is here to give us all a refresher course in 21st century street smarts. 

What does it take to make Wolf nervous? Is the prospect of dating a serial killer enough to make him break a sweat? What steps should you take to protect yourself when you're meeting someone (or going somewhere) new? Are those fancy, jewelry-style personal safety baubles worth the cost or do they open you up to a whole new category of risk? We answer all those questions and more this week on Securing Sexuality. 

Mandatory reporting laws are a cornerstone of the modern American social contract. Americans assume that those in positions of trust and authority- teachers, therapists, doctors, and others- will use their authority to protect those who are at risk of being abused; and this assumption is both a source of anxiety (for those who want to live and parent free from governmental oversight) and reassurance (for law enforcement and case workers working to identify at-risk individuals). Imagine our surprise, then, to learn that mandatory reporting practices are NOT a universal norm and that what constitutes ethical duty for therapists working with more complicated clients varies around the world. This week Wolf and Stef are joined by Dr. Caleb Jacobson, an American clinical psychologist and sex therapist living and working in Germany, who discusses how privacy policies and protective strategies vary around the world. 

Every week, Wolf and Stef bring you a conversation with someone they find interesting, or a topic that caught their attention. In other words? They ALWAYS get to choose what they talk about. Until today! In this episode, Wolf and Stef are joined by Frank Mons, Communications Director for The Bound Together Foundation. He's got a list of queries submitted by listeners and he's going to make sure you get answers to ALL your burning questions.... mostly. (This is a show about privacy, after all)

"Everything good is bad for you", the old expression goes. You like steak? Here comes heart disease. You want to lay out on the beach? Hello, melanoma! You want to relax and play some video games? Well guess what, buddy... you're an addict! It's easy to make everything seem harmful when we don't have a solid. understand of what healthy looks like. That steak? Helps with anemia. Sunshine? Thanks for the Vitamin D, friend. And gaming- like anything- has pros and cons. This week we're joined by Drs. Markie Twist and Neil McArthur- a Marriage and Family Therapist and a philosopher respectively- to help us unpack what digital health looks like, and how to know when our love of tech might be going too far. You're going to feel a lot better after listening. 

Mental health providers across the country are watching with trepidation and outrage as Oklahoma codifies a new rule that would require every licensed therapist to upload client data into a statewide shared system. This week, Stefani and Wolf explain why this is such a terrible idea for patients and providers.  The state's Health Care Authority Board meets to discuss APA WF 22-16 just 72 hours after this episode airs. Listen now to find out what you can do to take action- no matter where you live. 

Often confused for censorship or conflated with community standards, it seems like everyone has an opinion about about net neutrality... but few understand what it really entails. This week, Wolf and Stef are joined by facilitator, sex educator, and media justice advocate Bianca Laureano who helps us break the topic down, explore how it impacts our every day digital lives, and explain why this esoteric-sounding subject should matter to mental health providers, content creators, sexuality professionals, and laypeople alike. 

This term, the United States Supreme Court is set to rule on Section 230- the law that (it's been said) "created the internet." Like most laws, it's deceptively simple. And like many aging adults, the Justices aren't quite as up on their digital literacy as they could be. Their ruling (due late Spring) could dismantle the web as we know it. Or? It might result in a beautifully footnoted, legal shrug. But before they break out their briefs and start grilling their clerks about TikTok, it's time to answer the question... what does WOLF want them to understand about the 26 words that keep the memes a'flowing?

D-types spend a LOT of time thinking about how best to guide, direct, and nurture their submissives. User Experience (UX) designers do the exact same thing for every website visitor! This week we are joined by Stephanie Spiegal, AKA Miss Stevie, a User Experience Designer turned professional dominatrix who tells us all about how design thinking helps her create scenes for her submissives, while BDSM-style negotiations and consent processes inform her collaborations with her tech clients. In other words? Miss Stevie is right in the center of our Intimacy and Technology Venn... and she's holding a flogger.

What do hacker cons, sexology cons, and GalaxyCon have in common (beside the fact that Wolf and Stef spent their December attending EACH of these events)? They all draw an audience of people who find smarts VERY sexy. This week, we're talking about sapiosexuality- sexual attraction to intelligence. And you don't have to be classically "booksmart" to have a big, sexy, brain. There are multiple intelligences and thousands of people who find them deeply desirable. 

From Reddit and Instagram to WhatsApp and Slack, it seems like everyone carries their social circle around in their pockets these days. Self-help and support groups covering everything from grief and loss to substance use (and everything in between) exist everywhere from Facebook to 4Chan. 

From a privacy perspective, this kinda makes Wolf wince!

But we can't deny the reality that society is moving towards ever more screen-mediated relationships; so we're excited to be joined by Chandler Rogers who shares the story behind his innovative new support platform, Relay Health, and helps Stef and Wolf explore the new reality of both clinician facilitated AND peer-to-peer telehealth communities. 

This week Stef and Wolf reminisce about their favorite library memories, engage in some less-than-literary critique of Shakespeare and, and discuss the current situation in Florida, where books are being pulled our of classrooms and libraries until they can be vetted for compliance with Ron DeSantis's new educational (read: censorship) standards. Needless to say? These two bookworms have some thoughts. 

The Executive Director of the New York based Surveillance Technology Oversight Project join us this week to discuss the policing of LGBTQIA+ communities, fighting for the rights of religious minorities, and the increasing role of surveillance in public policy and policing. Learn what gives Albert Fox Cahn hope and how he and his colleagues are fighting to make NY a privacy model for the nation. 

In this weeks episode, Stef and Wolf discuss her status as a deviancy drop-out, Wolf gets to hear those three little words everyone wants to hear from their spouse, and they finally resolve one of their longest-running relationship conflicts: just how important is college, anyway? 

Rowenna Fielding, an expert in data privacy, governance and ethics, joins us this week to talk about the difference between sex toy security and privacy. Listen in as she and Wolf geek out over the tech behind the tools, Stefani explores how RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) can be applied to our pleasure devices, and Rowenna discusses how to evaluate and select a new toy... and when to consider returning them. 

Happy New Year! Wolf and Stefani are back from their December sabbatical to report out on their trip to the Adult Entertainment Expo hosted by AVN. In this episode, they share their impressions as first-time attendees and discuss what surprised them, what excited them, and what left them a little confused. If you've ever wanted to know how a huge gathering of adult content creators and their fans could be downright wholesome, this is the episode for you!

Securing Sexuality is brought to you by The Bound Together Foundation, a 501(c)3 nonprofit: www.boundtogetherfoundation.org

This week we're talking to Dr. Kurt Fowler, Associate Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington AND the author of the forthcoming (tentatively titled) Virtually Yours: Sex Work and Digital Culture. Wolf and Stef talk to him about how marginalized workers use digital tools to foster safety and learn how we can best ally with those who make their livings by connecting with others in deeply personal ways.  

From it's origins as outlaw entertainment to its modern iteration as a somewhat old fashioned family-friendly activity, join Stef and Wolf at the Seattle Pinball Museum as they discuss what lessons we can learn about life, love, and lust from a decades old game. 

Patient advocate and founder of HealthyHooha.com, Aimee Cloutier joins us this week to talk all about vulvovaginal health and the barriers that vulva-owners often experience when seeking healthcare. Wolf and Stef learn about the limitations of medical education, discuss what patients can do to speak up for their bodies and their wellness, and hear more about Aimee's passion for evidence-based health education. Whether you're someone with a vulva, or just happen to love someone who is, this episode is a must-listen.