
Shart Select
By Shart Select

Shart SelectApr 26, 2021

Stu-ooth Criminal
This week the boys have quite a lot to discuss, such as where they would position in a human centipede, how many people would you have to 1v1 to be the last human standing and Stu has some incontrovertible proof that the Mandela Effect is real. O3O nuzzle wuzzle!

Freedom Fingers
Get ready for a wild ride as the lads delve into a mysterious and cursed grimoire that details the tastiest and grossest eats from across the fair British Isles. Spoiler alert: they don't hold back on their opinions, and things get pretty heated! But that's not all, folks! They also explore the fascinating phenomenon of "Mandela Effects," where people remember things that never even happened. And hold onto your seats, because The Beef gets booed off stage! Don't miss out on this hilarious and informative episode!

4: The Tragic End of Cheddar George
This week the boys get a stern telling off from the Wizards for talking about the MCU too much, so they move on to knock off heroes instead after Ryan's trip to Loldi. They also discuss the recipe for the perfect action movie and a beloved podcast character meets an untimely end, lucky Master Phenrig has a plan to hide the corpse!

3: Annika Mice and the Spunky Gargoyle Menace
This week the boys talk about all kinds of hot content, like who is the sexiest cartoon character, how the Godzilla movies changed their tone dramatically, what the funk is going on with superhero movies these days, what’s the latest shit going on in Warzone and, for some reason, Stu and Ryan go off about sexy fruit. Yep, that’s a thing.

2: The Absolute Unit
In this hot episode, the boys deliver some hot real talk to you, the listener! Including the British version of everyone's favourite green, angry bloke and what Captain America really thinks of his superiors. In fact they go on about the MCU a lot, the bloody nerds!

1: The Drinking Shaft
Welcome to Kidnapped by Wizards, the hot new comedy podcast from the three tools that brought you Shart Select! To get the ball rolling, the boys talk about beloved internet questions and where they fall in these mythical debates, which MCU movie is the worst and why it is Dark World, the ongoing misadventures of Ross Kemp and we also delve into the seedy underbelly of the confectionary scene by discussing Is It Cake. Additionally, we will tell you why Ghostbusters 2 is the best movie ever made…

Farewell, Shart Select!
It's the final ever episode of the Shart Select podcast as you know it (join us for Kidnapped By Wizards, coming soon to a podcast supplier near you!) Don't worry, it wasn't Stu and Ryan's shameful display the week before that did it in, we're just evolving!
So why not say bye bye to gaming's weirdest podcast by looking back through the ages at some of the frankly weird stuff that went on, such as suspect clowns, even more suspect interviews with fellow podcasters and, of course, lots of hot content about games and stuff!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
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Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

The Bonanza Bros.
This week Stu and Ryan are Beefless with him literally tied up with ottoman work at Poundland. They discuss some classic Reddit cringe, the best Marvel fight scenes, some sus World of Warcraft spells, Spider monkeys and making noises when your older
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
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Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Stay kayfabe, Stu!
This week the boys are back up to their usual bull at the Wizards Tower. They discuss why Salem is only good thing in Sabrina the Teenage Witch, that Oscars slap, which Greggs treat is the best (in return for hopefully landing a sponsor as usual) and how modern day scrotes are actually "sound lad". Oh, and the Wizards show up to put the listeners through a random movie quiz. Who will win? Who really cares?
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Who the f**k is Frank Goof?
This week has it all going on, as the boys look back in time upon the history of Shart Select, apparently they used to like video games… nerds! They also go off on a massive tangent about cartoons from the 1990s, and how basically all of you are wrong for liking those boring ones with no monsters or robots in where people learn lessons, like bloody Doug. BORING! Additionally, Baloo should not be piloting an aeroplane, it is already established in canon that he is a talking bear with no additional skills. Also, a discussion about Nicolas Cage happens!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

I'm Darth DhogDirk!
This week the boys are all ready to divulge hot secrets from the Star Wars universe that they definitely know about for reals! They also discuss wookie anatomy, the surprisingly stylish secrets of snails, the ineptitude of Inspector Gadget, and we ask Michael Caine (friend of the podcast) how many Batmans are actually buried on the grounds of Wayne Manor! Also we spurn our sought after sponsor!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Get Off Those Skeleton Nuts!
This week the boys are joined by Harrison Wild, the lovely host of the Grief Burrito podcast (alongside that other guy). What will they discuss, though? Well there's more Office Guy antics, Ryan reveals the truth of Warehouse Guy, someone reckons they can take a dog in a fight, Ryan really lays on some (awful) chat up lines and what's going on with WoW's overly suggestive new dialogue? Also, armoured tattoos!?
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

The Slow Thrust Ottoman Empire
After several weeks of ignoring the wizard’s faxes, things finally come to a head for the boys, but what do they discuss? Well, what exactly happens in the Wizardverse club “Poundland” (not to be confused with our high street discount friends), a new run-in with the Office Guy, we talk about how reasonable PlayStation fanboys are about Aloy from Horizon Forbidden West (not very), the big old difficulty argument in Elden Ring, Cynerpunk’s update woes and, as if this isn’t enough, the wizards make a dramatic reappearance in SLOW MOTION!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
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Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Shart Select Season 8 Trailer
Shart Select Season 8 Trailer
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
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All Monster, No Sponsorship (Yet?)
In this excellent episode of everyone’s favourite podcast, the boys get incredibly horny in main while discussing those hench boys and girls. As well as this insanity, they discuss Ray Parker Jr’s shocking confession, Office Guy update is here, and did they finally manage to land that hot sponsorship deal with Monster Energy? (Spolier: no.)
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
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Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

All Apple, No Crumble (Part One) - Sponsored by Monster Energy(?)
This week the boys stumble across a scandalous conspiracy involving ITV’s golden son, wonder why the world’s gone Sonic mad, the real story behind Die Hard, the worst TV show ever conceived, looked at a gritty Fireman Sam reboot and discover just where Green Daddy has got to recently. We also start ranking the world’s most gorgeous hench bods and discuss who would play the Shart Select crew in the third Sonic Movie!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Thicc Bois and Choccy Veins
This week the boys are landed with a very special set of missions, just as The Beef accidentally summons coronavirus into himself. They choose which chocolate bars are the GOAT out of a set list, and also judge this years League of Extraordinary Thicc Bois championship, featuring heroes from Apex Legends, Twisted Metal, Marvel and more! Oh, and the Beef is angling for a cuddle.
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Wabbit Season!!! Adonis Season!!!
Things get a bit horny in main this week as the boys lay it all out on the table! We rank the top sexy rabbits for Dave Cooper, The Beef talks about his new work crush and one of the hosts is a little too quick to talk about which Pokémon would be best in the bedroom (hint, it's not Gardevoire!) We also see the pilot episode for Cumrag's Den, in which the famous wizard tries to get funding for a totally original product!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Jack Skellington's Dirty Little Secret
In this week's hullabalooza of an episode, the boys reveal the Pumpkin King's dirty little secret, find some wholesome goodness in The Book of Boba Fett, use the recent Microsoft acquisition to cast each console company as American High School cliques and, of course, look at Lord Voldemort's obsession with sex toys. All this, and more!
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

Dat Thicc Gammorean Bussy
The Beef is joined by new hosts Mike Oxlong and Drew Peacock as they look at the latest news, complaints and comedy flashback stories from across the world. Mike takes a deep dive into the weird world of Alphacon, The Book of Boba Fett's thicc pig bois get a mention, Spider-Man: All the Spider Mans gets discussed and why on earth does the USA not like Ribena!?
Don't miss out on Weekly Bonus episodes of the Drip Tray where we generate Rule 34 stories about your suggested characters or our Patreons and read them out www.patreon.com/shartselect
Join the Discord Server - https://discord.gg/v7cy2WP
Twitter @Shartselectpod | Instagram @shartselectpod | Youtube | Merch

12 Days of Shartmas - 12 Lumbers Jacking
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12 Days of Shartmas - 11 Grapes a Frutin
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12 Days of Shartmas -10 Timbs a Stompin
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!
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12 Days of Shartmas - 9 Dripping Trays
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!
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12 Days of Shartmas - 8 Men a Milking
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12 Days of Shartmas - 7 Trips to Poundland
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12 Days of Shartmas - 6 Monster Drinks
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!
Join The Discord
Join the Patreon

12 Days of Shartmas - 5 C*ck Rings
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!
Join The Discord
Join the Patreon

12 Days of Shartmas - 4 Tractors Pulling
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!
Join The Discord
Join the Patreon

12 Days of Shartmas - 3 Hench Men

12 Days of Shartmas - 2 Greedy Nigels
Roll up, one and all, for the 12 days of Shartmas! This is no ordinary Christmas countdown, as the boys line up an episode every two days for your enjoyment! Full of stories, discussion and wizardverse characters, you'd be insane not to check out this extra special gift!

12 Days of Shartmas - And the wizards in a tower!

The Milkadook and Other Such Bulls**t
Craig rejoins the boys after suffering a suspect back injury this week, and much is discussed, including Stu's fear of the milkman, the fact we got noticed by Poundland (the high street store, not the nightclub) and, thanks to listener ItemshopDX, are prompted to discuss all kinds of bulls**t. They might also have wound up PIXI and Grief Burrito again, but they love them really… go listen!

Ross is the Best Friend, Don't @ Me
This week the boys are back in session after an unexpected detention ruins their plans. In this hot slice of podcastery they discuss the sexiest Man alive (Ryan), the worst police pursuit vehicles, Ryan is now the Fast and the Furious and, to everyone's joy, Professor Ryance returns! Also, Craig was voted to be the best Friend, Ross Gellar! Thanks everyone!

No You're Ross Gellar!
This week the boys discuss many important things on the pod, such as the fact that Supercar Nigel is more famous than them, the Switch getting games from a hot new console, they fish for some hot new sponsors and, in what turns out to be a very heated battle, discuss which character from Friends they most represent! Also discussed are healthy yet inventive kinks and, for some reason, a snails anus (snanus). Could it BE any more exciting?

Ryan and the Red Ring of Death
This week the boys are joined by Steph to discuss the levels of anger, the worst place to "Hulk Out", and the difference between PlayStation and Xbox gamers. We also visit the Wizards and Professor Imgonnacumm, who has been summoned by a mysterious figure, they're INSIDE THE ROOM!

Return to Cockwarts

The Little Game That Could

The Greatest Biscuit of All Time?
Disaster strikes this week, as the hosts of Grief Burrito and PIXI Podcast kidnap Stu, following last week's controversial episode! In his (hopefully not permanent) absence, Craig and Ryan tackle a seriously thorny subject… what IS the best biscuit? It's full of facts, information and, yes, biscuit ASMR.

The Greatest Game of all Time?
This week the boys take a look at a somewhat controversial game tiering list from that bastion of gaming integrity, IGN, which definitely hasn’t missed out some classic games to fit their own narrative, oh no!. They also look into the secret Terminator subplot of Coronation Street, what those fucking meerkats have been up to, and the Fight Club-esque Go Compare man theory. It’s good soup!

Cheddar George
This week the boys accidentally summon an avatar of cheese whilst discussing Logan Paul's simp, Copper Cab being a shill, Stu's thoughts on hand sanitiser, Craig's drag name, a time traveller from a distant era and Ryan's hot thirst trap photo. We are definitely not that guy!

Be a Man!
Whaaaat Stu's back? Didn't he leave to make his own podcast about online shooters? Anyway, this week the boys talk about all kinds of weird and wonderful things, including that bloody “be a man” thing he was on about when it all went wrong! We also look the Uruk Hai’s side hustle in sex toys, discuss which podcast hosts would most likely be the Ghostface Killer in a Scream movie, and Stu drops a rather controversial opinion about a certain ghostly holiday! Why not drop in and see what bloody nonsense is going on, eh? Go on, do it!

Just to Call Back…
In this week's hawt slice of podcastery, we are joined by Grief Burrito's Most Beautiful Boy (sorry Jordan) Mr Harrison Wild! We talk about Jurassic Park, paragliding with famous movie stars, the new Gremlins 3 plot, and what is the best game soundtrack (again!) So pull up a pew and let's see what's going down!

Go Go Tower Rangers
This week the boys delve into Ryan's weird noir detective dream, a strange visit to a battery powered pharmacy, the social distance skeleton, and what are the rent prices like in Gotham City? We also cast suspicion over Bull and Skillo from the Power Rangers and you won't believe the amazing content Stu saves for the end!

The Wizard Olympics
Join us for another hot episode, in which we discuss the most important wizarding event on the calendar, how shit Castle Greyskull is, annoying chummy tires and what happened when Jeff Bezos arrived at the Wizard's space station! It's a rollicking good lark!

Jabba the Buff
What happens when it's really bloody hot, and the boys haven't drank enough water before recording? The answer: a load of old cobblers! We visit the Star Wars gym, talk about the inventors of the screwdriver, the horrors of loyalty free music, Facebook cringe and, of course, we reveal Craig's ongoing love of Timbs…

A Traffic Jam of Owen Wilsons
On this exciting edition, the boys talk about a new take on The Lion King, new characters for Beauty and the Beast, and why does that woman on the job advert act so bloody stupid all the time? Also, how do you effectively embellish a good old fashioned fart? Why not have a listen and find out?

Chilli Oillllll!!!
This week the boys get very cross about TikTok food idiots and daytime TV, and wonder if J Jonah Jameson lusts after… very specific photos of the Spider-Man. Also, the truth about David Dickinson is discovered and we learn a horrifying truth about Johnny Five. Also, Ryan educates is about those ghost twin blokes from the Matrix!

Ryan's Condiment Corner
In this dollop of goodness, we discuss the phallacy of fanboys, the inventor of the double decker bus and, of course, Ryan takes us down to the Condiment Corner, where we discuss the Sauce Readily Available rating of god's finest condiments. Why not splurge us all over your dinner?

The Lipstick Expose
Ryan's out in space with Gagrid this week leaving Craig and Stu unsupervised, and so a lot of strange talk is had. Join us to learn about which famous people have a dog's appendage, which mascots would be in the Avengers and five into the world of Bigfoot Fursonas with Jeff and Clifford...