Nobody Talks Shidduchim - The Jewish Dating Podcast
By Nobody Talks Shidduchim
Nobody Talks Shidduchim - The Jewish Dating PodcastJun 03, 2023
100: Our Very Last Show - The End Part 2 - Everybody Talks Jewish Matchmaking
100: Our Very Last Show - The End Part 2 - Everybody Talks Jewish Matchmaking
Nobody Talks Shidduchim Podcast (2019 - 2023)
Thank you to our amazing listeners!
IJ (Izak) and Avery (Avigdor) retire after 4 years. They discuss Netflix's Jewish Matchmaking. It’s a big one folks! Izak and Avigdor pull down the curtain, it’s not goodbye son, it’s I’ll see ya later.
1) Avigdor Wolf as Avery
2) Shevi Lipschitz as Rosie
3) Fagie Strom as Paige
4) Avromi Meyer as Rabbi AY
5) Yona & Chani Laster as The Lasters
6) Ahuva Shandelman as Holy Shid
7) Izak J. Held as IJ
1) Yona Laster
2) Chani Laster
3) Devora Kahan aka Miss D
4) Shevi Lipschitz
5) Faige Strom
6) Avromi Meyer
7) Rachel Vaynberg
8) Holy Shid aka Ahuva Shandelman
9) Cousin Malc aka Michael Max
10) Serena aka Rikki Yarmish
11) Alexis aka Blimi
13) Lakewood Michal
14) Lakewood Tami
16) Shlomo from Nashville
17) Missy aka Samantha
18) Emm aka Malya
19) JoJo aka Isaac Nahon
20) Yosef Feldman
#shidduchim #jewishmatchmaking #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #datingpodcast #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #tznius #singlesevents
99: The End Part 1 - We Talked Shidduchim
After 4 years of talking shidduchim, Izak and Avigdor retire.
Our goal is to help guys and girls navigate the 2023 American Jewish dating scene aka #Shidduchim.
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#shidduchim #shiduchim #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #jewishmatchmaking #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #yiddish #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #rocklandcounty #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #matches #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #fashion #tznius #shadchanim
98: Myths of Marriage After Singlehood (ft. Ahuva Shandelman LCSW aka Holy Shid) & Return of The Shid Queen & Avery
97: How To Plan Your Travel (ft. Shlomo From Nashville)
In this episode we discuss the minutia‘s of traveling as well as Jewish singles trying to arrange trips.
We have all tried to get away for the weekend or take a lavish vacation and when we were younger this was one of the easiest things to do because family is just a text away and friends are just roaming everywhere you go. But as we get older, friends dwindle down and family just isn’t the exact kind of people you want to go to Tahiti with you realize that getting away is costly and time consuming. In this episode the crew will go through the entire process of how you can budget and get away to the ultimate fun Jewish singles destination!
1) How to explain the response from most people “what? You went there? There’s kosher? There’s what to do?
2) Flight or Drive?
3) Why do all shidduch daters go to Miami Beach?
4) Where do Jewish singles go for vacation?
5) Tell us your travel destination secrets!
6) We always see women in big crews, are they all really friends?
7) At what point do you stop bunking up?
96: That's Your Role Model?
Ever have a role model growing up? We all look to someone as a person that we can strive to be. In high school it may be the senior when you are a freshman. In camp it may be your counselor when you are a camper. Or in yeshiva it could be a Morah or Rabbi of yours. In this episode we discuss role models, and what they mean to you and your life. Paige and Nechama join IJ in this episode.
1) What is a role model?
2) Can siblings be a role model?
3) Are we dealing with a generation that was raised to resent their role models?
4) Jewish versus non-Jewish role models
5) When role models "go off the rails" what to do?
95: Your Mental Health Getup
1) Mental Health 101
2) Symptoms of Mental Health
3) If you struggle with Mental Health, how do you know if you are in an okay place to date someone?
4) How do you know if you should still date them despite Mental Health, anxiety or depression?
5) What to do if your partner is depressed and you are choosing to support them?
6) How to move through depression in dating?
94: Bachelor Party Bitachon (ft. Yosef, Eliyahu & Shua)
94 - Bachelor Party Bitachon
So the main man is getting married and it’s happening, the big wedding day that everyone’s excited about. But now it’s time to throw the bachelor party. What can you do as an Orthodox Jew doing a bachelor party? Are there limits to the fun you can have? What is a Jewish bachelor party like? Yosef, Eliyahu & Shua/Jared join IJ in this episode.
1) when you’re younger, everyone comes to the bachelor party, when you’re older, it’s a different story
2) Here’s why you want rich friends
3) Do all guys just go to the steakhouse and then the Cigar Lounge?
4) Is the bride allowed at the bachelor party?
5) Is a bachelorette party a thing in the Jewish community?
6) What if there’s beef between some of the groomsmen?
7) I know what if certain guys can’t pay or afford to chip in to cover the group?
8) What if it’s one of these three day luxurious trips?
9) Ranking shidduch dates from Michigan, Maryland, Florida, California, Minnesota, Illinois & Israel
93: Enter The Multiverse - What It Was Like To Be Married For The Day
Enter The Meta-Shidduch-Verse: What It Was Like To Be Married For The Day
THE SHIDDUCHVERSE aka Multiverse: IJ and Avery enter the meta-verse...After opening up a magical box of Latkes on Chanukah... In the universe of Westeros IJ and Avery have different lives. In this alternative reality IJ is a stay at home Dad (with a cool haircut home biz), married to a beautiful women he met on his 5th shidduch date experience. His wife Darla, actually joins the podcast to preach her Shidduch take. Avery is a comedic writing tycoon, married to Olga, a rich Russian Oligarch's daughter, attorney and currently spends his fat alimony checks (from his first wife) on lucrative neighborhood tennis matches.
They decide that it's time for them to get into the podcast game. Here's what that world looks like...
1) What's wrong with these single people?
2) Here's why they are getting it wrong...
3) Why do they think they can hang out with us and our married friends...echh gross
4) Here is a list of Shadchanit's they need to listen too
5) Dvar Torah
6) Our interview with a shadchan (they know what their doing)
7) AI DATING (Artificial intelligence dating)
92: Here’s How To Plan A Magical Date (ft. Malky)
Izak and Malky follow up from episode 5, they discuss the full process of actually planning a date. Though, this time it's magical and it's exactly how the ladies would like it to be :). Izak also wears a wicked cool Chanukah sweater.
1) What is the best first date place?
2) Where do you go for the second?
After going to a Lounge for the first date, what place is best to go to for a second date?
A) Lounge (again?)
B) A Lite Dairy Restaurant (too soon to be eating?)
C) Activity (you don’t really know them yet!
When can you just give up on going out and just hang out with each other… Basically becoming an official couple
3) What would the perfect conversation be like?
4) Where she lives debate…can you date near her town??
5) The spots you just don’t want to go go
6) Can the girl just meet you half way?
7) Can you do an action first date
8) Making reservations, what is the girls take on whether a guy calls up in advance about a reservation or not? Precocious of him?
9) girls Having to have backup plans just in case the guy goofs or something unplanned happens. Precarious of him?
#dating #jewish #chanukah #hanukkah #weddings
91: Tales of the Shidduch Journeywoman and The Chagim
91: Tales of the Shidduch Journeywoman
What is a Journeywoman? A woman who is an experienced and competent professional in her field but doesn't yet have that "trophy boyfriend or husband" to show off! So we have heard from the journeymen; now we are spotlighting the journeywomen, well one woman and that's Rivka who tells us what's going on with the Shidduch Journeywoman's life. Part 2 of this cast, IJ and JoJo chat about the chagim (jewish holidays) for singles.
1. Figuring out the uncle and aunt life
2. What are niblings?
3. Continued discussion on long distance dating challenges
4. The time zone tobbacle!
5. Getting catfished
6. When you have to move away after you get married
7. Culture changes when you're in a relationship
8. When you can say "but my rabbi said"
9. How not to rely on friend setups!!
90: Long Distance Dating and Reflecting On That Whole Zoom Thing
90 - Long Distance Dating and Reflecting On That Whole Zoom Thing
We continue the long-distance convo from episode 72. Long-distance can be quite the challenge for many couples but it could also provide a very unique and special experience. There’s a plethora of awesomeness and problems that can take place during a long distance relationship. Are you one of those who this has happened to? Izak is joined by Rivka and Rabbi AY to opine.
1) Does long-distance really work?
2) Did zooming during COVID count as long distance?
3) People are so busy today. It’s like all dating is long distance.
4) Making sure they are a real person and not a cat fish!
5) What if both parties struggle with moving away from where they are?
6) Is face timing a substitute for in person dating?
7) How come small minded people roll their eyes when you tell people that you met and are together primarily online
8) Ideas for facetime Dates! Like actually doing something
9) Taking long-distance breaks
10) Getting over regrets
#jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #app #shidduch #shadchan #lakewood #sheitals #podcast #shabbos #simchas #weddings #jewishlife #modestfashion #jewishfashion #shabbos #kosher
89: How I Met Your Therapist (ft. Ahuva Shandelman a.k.a. Holy Shid)
89: How I Met Your Therapist (ft. Ahuva Shandelman a.k.a. Holy Shid)
Ever wonder how orthodox Jewish women become dating coaches or therapists? in this episode, we discuss with dating expert Ahuva Shandelman LCSW how she got to where she is today. The gang also discusses the continuous tales of the Shidduch journey-person.
Dating specialists tales:
1) How the whole social work thing caught on
2) Going to a male therapist vs a female therapist
3) Jewish vs. nonJewish therapist
4) How you get into being a “Shidduch/dating expert”
5) How you relate your experience to those who have dating struggles
6) Commonalities of struggling daters
7) Parent care taker situation
#jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #dating #app #shidduch #shadchan #lakewood #girls #weddings
88: There’s Nothing Wrong With You Because You Are Single (ft. Jackie Glaser)
88: There’s nothing wrong with you because you are single (ft. Jackie Glaser)
In a world with so much stereotyping of orthodox Jewish singles, Jackie Glaser brings a fresh perspective On the fact that there really isn’t anything wrong with you. Dating is mostly a struggle for frum Singles, here are some ways you can alleviate your dating experience and break through preconceived notions when trying to affiliate yourself with the Jewish community and your dates.
1) Baruch Hashem Syndrome!!
2a) Is there really nothing wrong with someone when they are single? Clearly women or men are not finding this person attractive or viable, tell us more
2b) Singles see the problems with many current married people & there just may not be any realistic role models
3) Crap Testing Singles!! Jackie's Adam Neumann Story
4) What do you do with your position in the Jewish community, do you move on and look for other things or do you stay and fight back the stereotype?
5) Is there really something wrong with Singles or is it that there’s actually nowhere to find Singles? (& mature singles [Avery explains])
6) what are your singles saying about the Shidduch scene and their struggles?
7) Burn out is very real, keeping up at work, keeping up with yourself, salvaging your friends and family relationships, why are so many women closed off to trying? Why are so many men looking for the quick fix?
8) we noticed a lot of mental health advocacy like meditation and other tools for this genre, is it becoming more popular? Or is it the only answer?
9) How do you actually get more relaxed on dates? CBD, cigarette break? jump in on a Netflix and ice cream binge?
10) The trend of being a people pleaser, so many young girls are pressured by matchmakers to just be a people pleaser but in the world of today like social media and people’s voices to be heard perhaps it’s not the best thing. Also I learned in my pick up class that it is actually good to not always please & not always get excited about every single interest that your date may have…
87: Brachos and Segulas: Are They Hocus Pocus or Will It Get You Married?
Ep 87 Brachos and Segulas: Are they hocus pocus or will it get you married?
In this episode IJ & Avery discuss the concept of brachos & segulas people receive regarding be marrige.
1. What are the brachos & seuglas people refer to you need before marrige?
3. Do the rabbinim really have any insight in to whom you will get married to?
4. Are kabbalists more accurate when predicting who you'll marry?
5. If their brachos don't work what next?
6. Should we stop giving money to these people who are giving us false blessings.
7. How to detect which rabbanim to trust when it comes to asking for a bracha.
8. Is the psychology of blessings the real reason they "work" for some, meaning; you manifest what you believe in.
9. Going to kevarim, repealing ayin haras,, bashert and all other spiritual quest. Do they work?
10. Diff between short term and long term segulas (ex of long term: (shir hashirim, nishmat kol chai, and going to the kotel (all for40 days in a row)
11. This is a sub topic but along the lines of segulas I think one of the main reasons people do them is out of desperation and I’ve been suggested some shadchanim that really take advantage of that and charge ridicuuuuulousssss fees
86: Zodiac Signs, Names & The Unknown
Ep 86: Zodiac Signs, Names & The Unknown
Even in Game of Thrones there was the religious, spooky and unknown factors out there in that universe. Here on NTS we believe that there are other things that could cause and effect shidduch dating. IJ, Avery & Cousin Malcolm opine…
1) Zodiac Signs Intro
2) Zodiac Signs: is it real that some zodiacs cannot be with others?
3) Also, why are gals so obsessed with this stuff?
4) Is it true that Names have to match up in order to be together?
5) What is the Torah's perspective on Zodiac Signs (Cousin Malcolm jives in)
6) Avery and IJ's Zodiac signs, and everybody else's
7) Avery discusses his books and their lessons
8) Most common Jewish names:
9) avi, ari, malky, shimi, yaakov, yitz, moshe, etc...
10) What do these names mean?
85: Hobbies, Social Clubs & Going Home for the Chagim
85 - Hobbies, Social Clubs & Going Home for the Chagim
When you are not working or with the friends/family, orthodox jewish singles have a unique opportunity, this is; to explore new things and new social groups. After that Paige & the NTS guys discuss more on the single life coterie.
1) Escaping too much family time during yuntif!
2) What kinds of social clubs are out there for singles?
3) Pickle ball, improv, hookah lounges, comedy clubs, etc...
4) How to handle going back home for the chagim and discussing it
5) Men going to shul and women going to tehillim groups
6) How to tell a shadchan that you have a social club
7) Whether or not to tell a shul goer (parishioner) in your old community about your new endeavors
#jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #dating #app #shidduch #shadchan #mazaltov #lakewood #monsey #5towns
84: The Corporate & Jewish Life Balance (ft. Rachel Salutsky & Shlomo from Nashville)
A work life balance is certainly something we all strive for. Is it truly feasible while living in Orthodox Jewish life? In this episode we bring on corporate employees who try to make best of their Jewish life and work life balance. Our grandparents had to give it up if they had to work for Shabbos, are we any different?
1) What is a corporate place? (Everyone defines)
2) tell us about the schedule for a person who wants to make it in a corporate setting
3) What kind of education do they have to have, can they go to Yeshiva University, Landers College For Men/Women, Touro University?
4) Is getting home for Shabbat really tough on those early fridays?
5) Can you take Off for a Jewish holidays or are you really taking off and making up the time?
6) Do you go to the companywide Christmas party? I heard it’s really fun!
7) shabbat and chag:
-setting boundaries: leaving early and not responding to messages
-situations where jobs require work on weekends
-when holidays fall out during busy times
83: Serial Shidduch Daters (ft. Sarah Haskell aka @ThatRelatableJew)
Ever notice that you enjoy the power of the swipe more than the dating itself? Maybe it's the rush or maybe you just haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Perfect yet. Sarah Haskell (Tiktok content creator as That Relatable Jew) joins Avery and IJ to discuss serial shidduch daters, shidduchim and the dating life as an orthodox Jewish twenties & thirties year old.
1) Can the girls define a serial shidduch dater? Can the boys?
2) Is serial shidduch dating some kind of addiction?
3) How hard it is to actually sort through the shuffle...
4) Is it easier for a guy or a girl to be the shidduch dater?
5) Why would you give a chance to a serial dater?
6) Why do girls love serial male daters!!
7) Why is it a stereotype that guys don't actually like gal serial daters?
8) TikTok and social medias role in the dating universe!
82: Shabbatons and How To Throw A Singles Event (ft. Devorah & Isaac aka Jo Jo)
Ever think that there should be more shidduch shabbatons out there? We agree. Izak record's this episode with Isaac and Devora from Build A Bayis Inc., a shidduch events & shabbaton organization that looks to keep singles “busy” all the time.
1) What is a Shabbaton?
2) Why is speed dating so darn popular!
3) Walk us through the planning details!
4) Age parameters
7) Why is pricing so high? Or so cheap?
8) Tell us about the shabbatons you hosted!
9) Why aren’t there more shidduch events and shabbatons!?
10) Does a shadchan have to partake in order for this to happen?
11) How do you convince the frugal to give you a chance as well as the lavish party people out there?
12) Can you ask the guy/gal out right there?
13) Why does feedback take so long!
81: Food, Family & Guilt (ft. Chef Mendy)
Episode 81: Food, Family & Guilt
The Role of Food in the Jewish Community with Chef Mendy Wolf. HBO’s Sopranos was a phenomenal depiction of Italian life in America. Perhaps the most relatable aspect of the show was its depiction of all things food, eating & solid cuisine. What is the role of food in the Jewish community, does it mean more to our community than others?
1) Diffrent kosher cuisines
2) Toughest parts about keeping kosher
3) What kinds of kosher keeping is there?
4) the private chef life and what it’s all about
5) Is a healthy kosher lifestyle attainable?
6) Why is it stereotypical for only women to be able to cook or have to cook!?
7) The rise of kosher taste is up! What do we do about it?
8) Inflation is here! How to budget and get the best bang for your grocery shopping
9) why is every Jewish single either a professional and a cook or a DJ? Or girl is a fashion influencer?
10) Is food a placebo for intimacy, partying or other vices?
80: How The Extra Curriculars Didn’t Help Us Or Did It?
In this episode NTS crew discusses how the "extra curriculars" helped or didn’t help daters in their shidduch journey. Growing up in the Jewish community, we are raised young to commit to duty, family and community. The propensity for young jewish people to be involved in the jewish community is ramped. There are hundreds of organizations that we get involved in. Looking back did it help? Was it worth it? We discuss.
Jared and Yosef join us!
1) Let's discuss the organizations we spent time in
2) Does everyone do it to find a shidduch!!
3) Was it real or was it a resume filler?
4) Some looking back nostalgia on these programs
5) Being branded as an "NCSY" guy or a "Chabad" gal
6) How can one move on if these choices don’t work out? (Example the forever Camp Counselor)
7) How to move on if there was a serious issue in this stage of your life
1) Chesed programs
5) Bais Medresh
6) Yeshiva learning
8) Israel program
9) Tomchei Shabbos
10) HASC Counselor
11) Chai Lifeline
12) Seforim sale
13) YU / Landers
79: What Your Yeshiva Pick Says About You
Episode 79 - What your Yeshiva pick says about you
IJ is joined by Yeshiva Bucher Jeremy. He has a ton to share and help answer some questions about what goes on during this Israel yeshiva seminary gap-year experience and the yeshiva life when you get back!
1) What is the yeshiva seminary experience?
2) Describe the seminary’s for us…if you go here you’re like this etc… Group pics & experience search
3) Your response to brainwashing
4) Are there yeshiva seminaries to sell your first born to in order to get in?
5) What are the effects of certain Yeshivas on your shidduch resume?
6) What’s your response to a girl that says she won’t date you bec. Of the yeshiva you went too?
7) So they only teach you to become Rabbis and Dentists? What’s the occupations that they push on to you?
8) Do yeshiva's actually prepare you for real life?
9) Do you actually keep the Kesher of your friends and Rebbeim??
10) Thoughts on guys who go Shana bet or gimmel? Shana Gimmel!
78: A Single’s Guide To Summer
Episode 78: A Single’s Guide To Summer Izak (IJ) sits down with c-host Paige for a one on one on how singles can manage their summer. Afterwards, Avery and Ahuva discuss what the Shid School of Love is!?
1) Summer is just another day that's warmer
2) Singles events and singles gatherings
3) The Shidduch Underworld
4) Community events! Bring a doggy bag
5) Assembling what's left of your friend crew
6) How to handle your Maaser money best when single :-)
7) Steps to decide to go to the summer soirée
8) How do you explain what you've been up to for all these years?
77: Good Things About Shidduchim (ft. Baila Sebrow)
In this episode, the Mic gets turned around to the happy shidduch goer's side of the dating system. This is an episode all about Good things about shidduchim and the shadchan! We are joined by Baila Sebrow and Cousin Malcolm.
1) Benefits of using a Shadchanit
2) Baila gives us her take
3) What's holding back singles today?
4) Anxieties and what went wrong to lead to where things are now
5) Are intimate discussions better for the singles on their own?
6) The process of using a Shadchan
7) What your looking at when matching
8) Is the Shadchan ever wrong?
9) It’s so less awkward for everything
10) What girls like most about using a shadchan
76: Age Gaps Explored (ft. Ahuva Shandelman A.K.A. Holy Shid)
Episode 76: Age Gaps Explored - Nobody Talks Shidduchim Podcast
We’ve discussed many age facets on this show, but IJ & Avery delve into this topic when it comes to the many classes of age compatibility. Are there actual reasons of age differences? There is such a stigma here about guys just dating younger girls, so many do that; so why do we make comments about it when it happens? Also we are happy when we hear about an older girl with a younger guy…is it ok to make a big deal about that? Ahuva Shandelman A.K.A. Holy Shid stops by, along with Miss Rivka.
Different age gaps:
1) The Classic: Guy is older then the girl
2) The uncommon: the Girl is older than the guy
3) The assumed: Girl & Guy are the same age
1) What happened to the same age dater?
2) Does that even still exist?
3) Fertility for women
4) Is this a nature vs. nurture kind of thing?
5) Can this be explained?
6) Stories & people we know with age gaps
7) Are there really any differences between age blocks:
a) 19 to 26
b) 24 to 32
c) 30 to 40
7) When the younger girls father is just 10 years older then you!
8) You're parents are just way way way younger then her parents and thats tough!
9) What about someone married w an age gap, did it work for them? Should you ask them?
10) Freezing eggs
11) Friends being of age
75: Workplace Shidduch Stories
75) Workplace Shidduch Stories & how to navigate working life while single.
Rachel Salutsky and JoJo visit IJ and Avery. This episode is about American Jewish dating and its affects in the workplace. Have you ever been assigned to a new project at work and in comes your new partner...and wow!!! you’re taken by surprise because you think they’re cute. Well it gets even better you recognize that they are; Shidduch available, as you’ve gotten their résumé or you’ve asked a coworker or a friend to find out if they’re single and they are. For this episode Avery and IJ discuss the positives, the benefits, to the cons, the ramifications, the problems, the ethics, the everything of dating someone from work.
1) is a work relationship real?
2) When your coworker you hate gets married…do you say Mazal tov!
3) Can it actually go somewhere
4) Wanting to go out with a Co-worker!
5) Asking coworkers out
6) Asking Vendors out
7) Clients out
8) Work place love
9) How the workplace will treat you if you are single in a Jewish setting
10) How the workplace will treat you in a non-Jewish setting
11) Pay raises in some Jewish firms when you get married
12) What if you were seeing someone and it ended, now what do you do if you work with them
13) Getting into fights with people that work because they encroach on your singleness
14) Yeah power struggles like when he called me do you oversee the other person or they oversee you
15) When someone else is jealous of the relationship that you are in with that other coworker
Ep 74: Culture Shockers (ft. Hassidic Hipster)
Hasidic Hipster Sarah Guigue stops by. Cousin Malcom too. Ever see my big fat Greek wedding? Culture shockers are real in Shiduchim. There are so many different kinds of minhags or customs or rituals that families have. In this episode, the NTS crew rant about the best to the worst in shidduch dating culture shockers!
1) Family Huggers
3) Sefardic kissing on cheeks
4) Bro Cuddling
5) Women cheek kissing
6) Men walking around the house in underwear
7) Women’s Nida (a guys house vs. a gals house)
8) Black hats
10) Men wear rings when married
11) Men wearing rings in general (Italian like)
12) Engagement bracelets
13) When the mother doesn’t cover her hair
14) Asking the father permission to marry their daughter
15) Pesach vacations
Ep 73: A History on Jewish Dating and The Great Singles Migration to New York
A History on Shidduch Dating and The Great Singles Migration - NTS
The NTS Crew sits down with shidduch scholar Malcom. In this episode we discuss the history of Shidduch dating, the great singles migration and how certain places became the singles go to places to live. What they are like and what they have to offer
This NTS episode discusses a brief history crash course on the history of shidduch dating. Where it began, how did it start, how we got to modern day dating! We end off with where singles migrate to. Where do they end up and what happens to them?
2) Back to our Forefathers
3) Talmudic times
4) The enlightenment
5) How it was done in Europe
6) After the Shoa
7) Shmilka Bernsteins & Grossingers
8) Small towns
9) Rebuilding Jewish communities in the 70's, 80's 90's etc...
11) The business of Shidduchim is business
12) Why singles are choosing the Upper West Side?
13) The great singles crisis of 2008
Ep 72: A Long Distance Fairy Tale, Meeting On Social Media & Trying To Get Back Together
IJ sits down for a tell all to discuss his long distance fairytale. He found love but God had other plans. Long-distance can be quite the challenge for many couples but it could also provide a very unique and special experience. There’s a lot of character development and growth that takes place during long distance relationships; are you one of those who this has happened to?
Many times people wave their hand at you when they say “what you’ve never met each other in person“ Well I J is here to tell you why those people are full of garbage because long distance is more real than anyone could even imagine.
1) Does long-distance really work?
2) Making sure they are a real person and not a cat fish!
3) What if both parties struggle with moving away from where they are?
4) Is face timing a substitute for in person dating?
5) How come small minded people roll their eyes when you tell people that you met and are together primarily online
6) Taking long-distance breaks
7) Getting over regrets
8) Getting back together
Ep 71: Dating Coach Consultation
This episode discusses small tidbits from a consultation with a dating coach. We are joined by Rivka Janowski Rochind. Rivka offers us tips so we can brush up on our dates. Is there a way for us to be more cognizant on our dates?
1) Being tuned in on dates
2) remembering there names
3) What if you seemed tuned out, what do you do?
4) Does this mean there’s a problem with you or even the match?
5) Is there one person you’re supposed to marry?
6) How do you know someone is right for you?
7) Not looking for “perfect” looking for “perfect for me”
8) “Pink” flags and dealbreakers
9) Some things that hold people back from committing/getting engaged/married
10) And How to overcome them
11) Understanding when dating may or may not be a good thing for you
12) How to properly tell someone they're not for you
13) When to realize you may be oversharing
14) When to realize you may to closed off
15) How maintain momentum with someone you just met without getting to anxious about the future...
Ep 70: Toxic Relationships & Platonic Friends Part 2 with Holy Shid Ahuva Shandelman
Ep 70) Toxic friends & Platonic Relationships [Holy Shid] Part 2
You grew up with them, shared the most sentimental memories with them; but once you enter the shidduch core...everything changes. Toxic friends exists and they are holding you back from your shiduch excursions. Holy Shid joins us to discuss what to do.
1) Shid breaks down what a toxic relationship is.
2) What is a frum platonic relationship?
3) Are platonic relationships also toxic?
4) Your friends say that shidduch idea isnt for you
5) The saying is "you are what you consume"; if you hang around people who are bad for you, how do you let them go?
6) Where to find friends that bring out the best in you.
7) How to tell if this friendship is healthy/toxic for you?
8) How to identify whether or not you're a toxic influence on your friends?
9) Can a platonic relationship exist within frum culture?
10) Should you pursue a romantic relationship with a platonic friend even though you may not feel "in love"?
11) How much does jealousy/insecurity play a role in toxic relationships?
12) Other toxic traits; that may not be as visible at the surface.
13) Maybe we are looking too deeply into all of these therapeutic techniques?
14) Activities you can do together to assist in building stronger friendships.
Ep 69: Toxic Friends & Platonic Relationships Part 1 with Holy Shid Ahuva Shandelman
Ep 68: The Family Has "Issues", What Do I Do?
Ep 68 - The family has “issues”, what do I do?
In this continuation of stigmatize dating we discuss more stigmatized issues that occur during your dating life cycle. Of course everyone hopes and believes and imagine that they are going to get the full package. The father-in-law is president of the young Israel the mother is coordinating three tehillim groups, his sister is a very well-balanced nurse at some hospital and her brother is happily married with kids in the five towns. As you know this does not happen all the time and in most cases stigmatized dating pops up. There’s always going to be an issue with some family mix perhaps someone is divorced perhaps a sibling does not fall into the community expectations. In this episode we break it down and get you a plan for this.
1. Father was in prison
2. They have 10 siblings, they have one sibling, they are an only child
3. The family is poor
4. Sibling is off the derech
6. Messy divorce
7. Mental illness in the family
8. Family has someone in it that is gay
9. They don't plan to attend their child's wedding
10. Parent’s don't speak to some of the children
11. Physical health issues in family
12. Child that is special needs
13. Parent who passed away
Ep 67: Tales of The Shidduch Journeymen
The NTS guys reflect on recent shidduch developments in their lives. A bit not scripted, this episode delves through lessons taught from the journey men of american jewish dating.
Nobody Talks Shidduchim discusses:
Shidduchim, Shadchan, jewish, jewish dating, chatan, kallah, simchas, shaitels, sheitals , yeshiva , weddings , matches, fashion, tznius and more!
Ep 66: A Father’s Fireside Chat (About Their Children Dating)
Not every guy gets the privilege to have asteve martin from father of the bride esque father-in-law. But, our guest, Avi Dreyfuss may be the closest thing to it. As a father, who has successfully vetted and dealt with numerous guys attempting to steal his daughter. Avi would provide us with some keen insight on how guys should present themselves so maybe one day they too could actually get married.
1. We discuss the resume process
2. Do the fathers get together in Shul or at work by the water cooler and make fun of this shidduch stuff??
3. Careers, education & the game plan
4. what guys convey when expressing themselves on a resume.
5. Do you place any importance on a guy's looks, should we?
6. What guys should be aware of when they meet the parents for the first time/
7. Fathers calling references
8. What if your child says no to your friends child
9. Avi's craziest stories about guys_____
10. What should the gamelan be for guys post yeshiva/high school age
11. How to properly market your child & assist them in finding their spouse.
12. What happens when you see a former girl you’ve dated, during your Shidduchim days, sons resume??
13. Vaping, drinking, drugs, does it matter to the parents?
Ep 65: Has Your Seminary Experience Ruined Your Dating Life?
Ep 65: Has your seminary experience ruined your dating life?
IJ and Avery are joined by Hanna and Rosie. They have a ton to share and help answer some questions about what goes on during this israel seminary experience.
1) What is the seminary experience?
2) Describe the seminary’s for us…if you go here you’re like this etc… Group pics & experience search
3) The fomo of not going
4) Picking your seminary!
5) Are there seminaries to sell your first born to in order to get in?
6) Seminaries to avoid?
7) What are the effects of certain seminaries on your shidduch resume?
8) What’s your response to a guy that says he won’t date you bec. Of the seminary you went too?
9) Stigma is that seminaries brainwash the gals..is this true?
10) So they only teach you to become Rebbetzin’s or makeup artists? What’s the occupations that they push on to you?
11) Do seminaries actually prepare you for real life?
12) Can you go to seminary later in life?
13) Do-Tell stories of YESHIVA guys in seminary
14) Thoughts on girls who go Shana bet? Shana Gimmel!
15) Do Madrichas only marry Madrichs
Ep 64: Shadchanit Tell-All ft. Hindy Laster A.K.A. Queens Shadchan (with Yonah and Chani)
Ep 63: Can Married & Single People Hang Out Together?? In Passaic NJ They Do!!
Ep 63: Passaic Single Guys Actually Hang With Married Guys. Is there a world where singles and married people can actually hang out in? In Passaic New Jersey, it seems so. NTS crew discusses what the situation is by this rare; yet fun chevra does, to be able to hang out all together.
1) Can single guys hang out with married guys?
2) Married people get way more out of you then you them
3) Thinking about my old friends who have been married for a long time, we were friends for a long time but it just ain’t the same
4) Married friends expectations and using you as an escape
5) Having a relationship with your friends spouse
6) How do you differentiate between someone you’re hanging out with and someone that is actually marriage potential?
7) Maybe this will tarnish your name when you’re married friends think of an idea for you. Discussed!
Ep 62: Smoking, Vices & The Real Mad Men of Shidduchim (ft. Ahuva Holy Shid)
Ep 61: Where to Eat on a date & The National Kosher Food Crawl w. Kosher Guru
In this episode Avery & IJ host The Kosher Guru aka Gabriel Boxer & Lea from @KosherLicks who tells us about all the hot spot kosher restaurants. Ever have a date at an amazing restaurant? Yes it’s hard to plan and expensive at times. Sit with us for dinner as we virtual restaurant Shidduch date crawl with the Guru who knows where to go.
1) What your restaurant pick says about you
2) Is there actually a date number where you have to go to a nice place???
3) What your order says about you
4) What they order says about them
6) Places with an ambiance’s like no other
7) Out of town restaurant: a problem or an opportunity?
3) 5 Towns
4) Great neck
5) Out in the island (Long Island not 5t)
6) NYC: Midtown, UWS, UES, LES
8) Mid NJ area
9) Teaneck / Bergen county
13) Chicagoland / Skokie
19) Boca Raton
20) north Miami
21) Hollywood FL
23) Los Angeles
Ep 60: Is therapy the answer to your dating problems? (ft. Ahuva Shandelman & Sarale)
In this week's episode we bring on Sarale and Ahuva AKA Holy Shid. We wanted to share Sarale's inspirational story regarding her shidduch journey. We also discuss Lubavitcher dating. In this episode we discuss:
1. How much people can change over time and how that change sometimes leads to you to find the person you were looking for.
2 How dating in the traditional shidduch world as young girl felt?
3. The early set familial & societal pressures to get married at a younger age and how that affects people.
4. Creating a routine that keeps you moving through the years where you feel like you have nothing going on dating wise.
5. How Sarale becoming more open minded introduced her to therapy.
6. The skills she picked up in therapy that helped her understand more about herself.
7. The differences and similarities of shidduchim within the Chabad community
8. Spotting the differences of who you were and you're becoming, and why it's ok to wait for the perfect time
9. Understanding that may be the issue is you, and how becoming more open minded can bring the right person into your life.
10. Why you should not rely on the community at large to make your match for you
11. Childhood patterns that may currently be holding you back from finding the right one.
Ep 59: Lakewood Girls Talk
In this episode Avery and IJ bring on Michal and Tami, two daters who reside in Lakewood and have experience going through the Shidduch system. Avery and IJ take a backseat and listen to what the girls have to say in regards to their dating encounters.
1) A brief introduction to what dating is like in Lakewood
2) Do you feel you are judged more harshly by people you meet because of where you're from?
3) Lakewood is known for the BMG culture, we know what it is today. Are single Lakewood twenties still looking for that cookie-cutter type?
4) Where do you think most girls get their ideal interests for what they are looking for in a guy
5) They say the girls have it easy with matchmakers because they are not expected to push back or stand up for what they believe in. Do you think that is a correct statement?
6) How should a girl tell a matchmaker what they are exactly looking for?
7) what are the least relatable things in a résumé. What things do you think can be totally taken off.
8) in the mid 2010’s Bais Yaakov schools had to chase girls down for their social media participation. It seems that your generation has been able to grow up with this and have a healthy well balanced mindset in this area, what changed?
9) Is it difficult to explain your hashkafa to shadchanim, parents etc. Because they don't understand modern lakewood.
10) Can girls grow up in a rigid, frum environment and learn to rebel against it in a healthy way
11) Whereas girls 20 years ago didn't have an issue with photos and resumes, do you feel the yeshivish world is right to not allow photos to be sent?
Ep 58: Dating App, Other Ways To Meet & Modox Dating
58) Dating Apps, other ways to meet and Modox dating
Avery and IJ have discussed many ways for daters to meet in shidduchim and at singles events. But what about those dating apps, Shabbatones or community salsa outings? In this episode The NTS crew sits down with Shlomo from Nashville and Ally from the Valley; 2 app daters, to discuss how the helk you meet on those apps and without a Shadchan.
1) We discuss Modox (modern orthodox) dating styles
2) Jswipe, Hinge, Jdate, all of them!
3) Online Dating
4) Corona crush
5) Social media
7) Handling it yourself
8) Actually going out
9) App dates
10) App remedy
Ep 57: Stigma stigma on the wall we discuss divorce dating, broken engagements and all
In today’s day and age, we have hopefully moved past a place where we allow stigmas about people to decide whether or not they are dateable, and should be given a chance.
Emotional scars from entering and exiting these relationships and whether or not you are still carrying your baggage.
Do shadchanim, daters, parents etc judge people who’ve gone through these experiences more harshly?
Is it better to enter marriage having never had a serious relationship or not?
Are frum people behind the 8 ball on divorce and breakups (Average divorce rate 50% amongst Non jews
Are the Jewish divorce laws stacked against frum women?
Should our community have more divorces?
Better to stay in a bad relationship or stay together
Disadvantages of dating when you are younger (unaware)
Have rabeim become to involved in marital problems and no longer understand the scope of healthy marriages
People used to say “they didn’t do enough research, things were hidden”. Is this a real thing? Are people just blinded to their own biases based on what they want.
Ep 56: The things your parents & rabeim didn't tell you about marriage (Ft. Avi Singer)
56) How to be prepared for marriage In this week's edition of the NobodyTalks Shidduchim Podcast, we sit down with Avi Singer. Avi is a licensed marrige and family therapist as well as small business owner. Throughout this episode, we discuss:
1) What does an ideal frum marriage look like
2) How one can prepare him/herself to be the ideal person they see in a marriage
3) Are frum marriages more difficult to maintain due to the various factors (expensive lifestyle, religious levels, lack of incorporation of modern day life needs
4) Is the separation between boys and girls from a young age leading people people to be less ready for relationships
5) Should you have a short list of qualities you need in a spouse? If so, what are they?
6) How to tell you are really ready for marriage?
7) The things a married person only knows, and how to use that information to help others
8) Does our community put to much of a burden on the idea that getting married is the be all end all, and not enough attention on how to maintain a healthy relationship?
9) What are habits to pick up that will make you an a great spouse?
Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!
Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!
Dreading Yom Tov, is this where we are at? The holidays are tough for singles. Avery & IJ discuss the challenges. Shabbos is discussed by the Shidduch Podcast crew.
1) The worst yom tov to be single?
2) Getting suggestions by your local shul family friend
3) Programs Programs Programs
2)Going to the park
3) What is Shabbos like for single guys
4) What is Shabbos like for single gals
5) Too much time with the fam?
6) Should Shabbos break the relationship?
7) Spending Shabbos at their house?
8) Do you tell them Yumtif was actually bad?
9) Getting meals
10) Arranging meals
11) Inviting guests
54: Fantastic Hashkafas and How to Find Them [Hashkafa Part 2]
In ep 54 the NTS crew with Meghan discusses hashkafa. We label it, we box it and we subject the hashkafic orientations out there. Just because We do this, doesn’t mean there’s less to a person. But in shidduchim it’s important to identify where you stand on things. What’s important to bring up, what should be brought up and what may just be ok to wait on.
1) TV in the house
2) Labels & that darn Box
3) Throw away: my way is the right way
4) Black hat: they do, they did, the don’t, they can’t
6) TV and TV in the house
7) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva
8) What community do we want to live in
9) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv
10) How much do we listen to the families rov?
11) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc.
12) Making aliyah
14) Is Hashkafa non-binary a thing?
EP 53: Hashkafa Matters aka Religious Orientation [Hashkafa Part 1]
Yona & Chani join Avery to have a sophisticated and nuanced discussion over the many differences and similarities those of us share when it comes to our hashkafos in Shidduchim. We tackle the concept of dating someone based on various stereotypes such as wearing a black hat, davening in Young Israel's and preferring a TV in your home.
1) Defining religious orientation
2) Black hat
4) TV and TV in the house
5) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva
6) What community do we want to live in
7) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv
8) How much do we listen to the families rov?
9) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc.
10) Making aliyah
EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]
EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]
Navigating the relationship w/shomer in mind. Halachic & Rabbinic perspectives of being shomer negiah.
In part 3 of shomer we wrap it up with Rabbi AY’s encounters as a Rabbi & halachic perspective. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1 and 2. Torah perspectives, community outlines and IJ’s favorite…is breaking shomer the same as kosher and Shabbos?
1. Tznius affects on Shomer Negiah
2. Why are the shidduch dating guys always blamed??
3. Is there a way to really tell if someone is shomer?
4. Kosher & Shabbos is very diffrent than Shomer
5. Past relationships that you weren’t shomer in: to tell or not to tell!
6. How can you feel intimately connected in a shomer relationship
7. What are ways to bring up gedarim/boundaries without offending the other side
8. Does being shomer fall under the category of tznius
9. Can you judge someone for their past experiences shomer or not?
10. What does the Torah want from a young healthy couple, is it closeness to each other (which comes from Intimacy) or closeness to G-d?
11. It’s not that the Torah doesn’t work, it’s the community that doesn’t work
12. Better for gals to break it whether they are frum or modern?