The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry

If Jack from The Shining were drinking absinthe at that bar, he would have written a wonderful novel instead of turning psycho murderer. Just sayin'. That is one of many important discussions we have here at this terribly important and so very serious show. No where else will you find the hard facts on what it would be like to recast the movie Dirty Harry with Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. Oh, and just to let you know, season two is winding down. I know, I know, you're either terribly sad or greatly relived, but either way ... there's still a few episodes left. Carry on!

Remember that old Warren Zevon song, "Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money"? Well, this is not it. This is more, "Send Fairy Dust, Zombies, Bob Newhart, The IT Crowd, Travel Man, What We Do in the Shadows, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Rick Wakeman, Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds, Alan Parsons, Star Trek Discovery, and Science Fiction Weapons."

This one has hookah pipes, book discussions ranging from The Hardy Boys through Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, Dan's connection to the late, great Philip K. Dick, and some glowing notes about an absinthe called "Meadow of Love." Plus, of course, all the usual nonsense. You must listen or you'll miss out on all the nonsense!

The title says Atomic "Bomb" Lamp, not Atomic "Bong" Lamp. Meanwhile, Jerry suffers from some credit card fraud but was saved, apparently, by Netflix, Dan gives his recommendation on what he puts on his "music to sip absinthe by" playlist, and Jerry tells Dan about a girl named Ramona who works at a snake farm.

Trust us, if you don't know what the title is referring to, then you don't want to know. Other than that, this episode basically talks about box monkeys who are obsessed with those with bigger boxes, and the boys talking about Occupy Wall Street (remember that?) and the fact that if you really want to have a protest have some real effect, then you need to protest with your wallet. Lots of good absinthe conversation going on in this one, and remember this pro tip: the more you drink, the funnier we are. 

Santé!

Dan and Jerry talk about stuff. And things. And jail. 

Back in 2011, Jerry found out that, contrary to his expectations, it kind of sucked to live in a high-rise corner penthouse. Also, this is a COVID-19-free episode, though we do talk a lot about the zombie apocalypse ... so it's about the same thing. Just with more zombies.

To wear a mask, or not wear a mask ... that is a question. To go on an outing or stay home. To decide if you are an introvert, or an extrovert ... is it one or the other, or is there a spectrum? Also: spider-eating vacuums, pinball games and slot machines, vintage typewriters, and giant camera lenses -- this episode has it all. Peace and love, fellow humans. Stay well. And don't set absinthe on fire.

Sick of hearing about the 2020 pandemic? This is a pandemic-free episode! How?! Because it was originally recorded in 2011, and in it Jerry talks about the email he once received from Steve Jobs, Dan questions how Saint Peter ended up being Heaven's security guard, and Jerry discusses the one addiction he just can't seem to kick. Also, Dan has an actual prescription for whiskey, and a pen he cannot take on an airline. Santé!

The pod gods smited us during this episode, forcing us to regroup and pick up the pieces. Among the cursed subjects are Romper Room memories, the horrors of finishing a bottle of Le Tourment Vert, and experimenting with the ROOT OF ALL EVIL (it's not money). Jerry also gives his recommendation of a specific camera, if you were only to have one camera -- this is the one. Until, of course, the newest model comes out.

Even back in 2011 Dan and Jerry were talking about the ominous aspect of not knowing if you're talking to a real person, or a bot, on the Internet. In this episode, Jerry is drinking Esprit Edouard, and Dan gives a review of Père Francois. What are you drinking? Santé!

Topics covered in this silly train wreck:

Grab your favorite beverage of your choice and join us!

It's 10 AM for Dan and 12 Noon for Jerry, but hey, it's a Sunday, and so who cares? Get your drink ready and join us for The Green Hour, where Jerry is enjoying his La Clandestine (now that he's figure out to not dilute it so much) and Dan gives advice to those trying new spirit for the first time. The boys also talk about bottles of alcohol that are designed specifically to be repurposed as a bong; why Jerry prefers independent music; and Dan recommends some older awesome movies for Jerry (and the rest of us) to put on our Netflix watch lists. They also talk about the tools of their respective creative trades, and ask you to chime in.

Important lessons to learn: How not to be roofied (Jerry's girlfriend had a very close call); buying glasses on the Internet is a total crapshoot; don't try to treat an eye infection with flaming absinthe; and how to make a absinthe Mojito. Special guest appearances on this September 2011 retro episode include Marilyn Monroe, Groucho Marks, and Chuck Testa. 

So the United States Government finally makes an official admission that, in effect, UFO's are real, and in this day and age we pretty much yawn and say, "Whatever." Has it really come to this? Yes, dear friends, it has. But there is one positive note: some very smart people are doing serious research to see if the ingredients of absinthe may help fight the current pandemic, and so we say, "Let's drink to that!" And we did. Jerry, in fact, drank maybe a bit too much. Also he reveals the results of his test, which was last episode's cliff hanger.

If Burning Man is going to be online this year instead of out on the Playa, why can't the various absinthe festivals be online? And if they're not, should we create our own? Let's discuss.

If a bee is like a sharp stick, a wasp is like an automatic handgun. Why would you ever put a wasp in your absinthe? Why? And why should anyone even have to ask that question? Like why should you not put plutonium in your 3-Mile Island Root Beer Schnapps? And why should you never light absinthe on fire?

Our special guest on this episode is a 3000 year old mummy. Little did he know his afterlife would be so "Meh."

Remember way back in 2011 when the CDC released information about how to prepare for a zombie apocalypse?

Change is in the wind. Our podcast’s name is going to gently morph into “The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry” mainly because it would probably be easier to get guests to join us for that, than for a “Slow Death in the Afternoon.” In this episode Jerry is sipping on a Death in the Afternoon Cocktail made with Cooks Brut and Kubler while he and Dan talk about absinthe in Montana, self-improvement by getting out of your own way, and green fairies who like to get naked for you. (There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long is that is what they genuinely want to do.) Plus, Jerry and Dan both get into some TMI for hopefully everyone’s benefit. No pain no gain.

Mephisto Absinthe Review. Tattoo ideas. Old fat Elvis paintings on black velvet. Earthquake stories. Giraffe curling. And, how good are zombies at washing cars?

Dan tells a tale of phantasmagoria while Jerry sips Jade 1901 and listens in fascination about demons, murders, and what old-timey people used to do before there were horror movies. There is also a tale of murder that was blamed on absinthe, and which started the worldwide ban on absinthe back in the day … even though most likely it should have been blamed on wine.

Greetings to all future peoples from us here in the distant past! This mostly retro episode of the podcast features glasses with fricken' lasers, holiday shopping woes, and discussions about how you know when a Hollywood franchise is on its last leg when they suddenly set it "in space." The boys also pose the question to you, the listeners: Have you ever had a psycho x?

Why probably? Because we don't really know. Dan is super busy with local shows for his day job for the rest of December 2019, and while Jerry may have a substitute guest host lined up, that also is not a for sure thing. Other than that, what can you expect from this episode? Well, how would you like to be a double-secret absinthe counter spy? You might be one right now and not even know it! Be careful with that pen you have no memory of ever touching before because if you push the button on the top you may release a weapon of mass drunkenness. If all this wasn't enough of a train wreck, Jerry uses his amazing psychic powers to channel the spirit of the first human to ever suckle a cow.

In this episode Dan teaches Jerry how to professionally negotiate just about anything. Jerry tells Dan how to get people to leave when it's time for them to go home. Also in this episode: Mashing up Watership Down with A Clockwork Orange. A robot which duplicates (or dispenses) absinthe. How the stuff you own ends up owning you. How to enjoy moderation in moderation. And, we answer the age old question: Does absinthe really make the heart grow fonder?

That's right, future listeners, this episode was recorded waaaay back in November, 2019! Inside it contains: Cinnamon night sweats. Absinthe eggnog. Chocolate absinthe cigars. Absinthe, kittens, and anti-depressant hallucinogenics. Time-traveling Mandalorians in Elon Musk's cyber truck. It's Thanksgiving, dear future listeners -- and we are drunk. Thank you!

IN THIS EPISODE Dan and Jerry suggest you go to Meetup.com and start a local absinthe meetup group. Also, Dan urges Jerry to "practice what you've been drinking" tells him about how much he hates paying retail prices. No, seriously, he hates it. Also mentioned in this episode is the brilliance that is "Robot Chicken" (can you believe it's been going on since 2005?), and how Dan used to love frequenting hookah bars. Or course, this was back when it was only legal for him to smoke shisha. ALSO, STAY TUNED dear future listeners, as there is a BONUS EPISODE coming out this week: our 2019 Thanksgiving Special.

In this episode we touch upon recently announced Henrick's "Absinthe Reimagined," and while we're not bashing it -- because we haven't actually tasted it -- we're skeptical about calling it "absinthe." Also covered is the upcoming legalization of marijuana in Michigan and Illinois, the challenge of pronouncing absinthe in a plural sense, and Jerry touts the wonderfulness that is Clandestine absinthe. He also gives us details about the sadly defunct "Green Fairy Club" that had used to be in the Naperville / Aurora Illinois area, and discuss the 5 people (living or dead) we would like to drink absinthe with. And we'd like to pass that question off to you! Call and let us know who those people would be, at (203) 450-6375.

Featured here for the very last time, this is a remastered version of our Halloween Special with a brand new intro recorded in 2019. True ghost stories, and contacting spirits with a Ouija Board, Dan and Jerry follow the green fairy into places they should truly never, ever go.

In this episode, recorded October 24, 2019, Dan and Jerry explore where exactly the idea of burning absinthe came from, then dive even deeper to touch upon the origins of absinthe itself. Spoiler alert: it goes back way further than either of them realized. Other things covered: A review of Letherbee Absinthe; using CBD to combat, of all things, PROCRASTINATION; and then Dan and Jerry get into a bit of a heated discussion about whether or not you should ask famous friends to sign things for you.

This episode features La Sorcière Absinthe Supèrieure Verte and Grande Absente reviews from 2011. This is news to Jerry as he has no memory of ever trying Grande Absente, let along liking it. Side note: apparently in Stockton California all absinthe is kept behind glass so that it doesn't escape. Also, Dan and Jerry discuss tasteful garden zombies, and the fact that you can get a Harley Davidson fountain pen.

"If you cross-breed a cow with a buffalo ... you really have to convince that cow, you know." That's a line from a song used in this episode. Does it have anything to do with absinthe? Not really. Does it have something to do with Dan and Jerry. YES. Yes it does. But besides that, the boys talk about being pissed off at Microsoft, about Star Trek (but it has nothing to do with absinthe), about being in a car with a girl while another car is pointing guns at the car in front of you (that really happened) and about how some people do make absinthe at home using a technique much akin to making a pot of tea ... but using alcohol instead of water.

It's like coffee and absinthe were made for each other ... but will it go with Jade absinthe? And will Jade go with champagne? Jerry finds out. Also, Jade gets back to Jerry about a cork issue, and Dan talks about an article filled with such misinformation about absinthe that it puts the "anus" in "heinous." Aaaand there's some personal sharing going on. But it's okay, they trust you.

Jerry learned something important from his recent absinthe emergency: how to NOT open a bottle of Jade. Meanwhile Dan is laughing because Jerry has a blood test in the morning and so can't have anything to eat or drink after a certain time, and that time is coming up in 15 minutes ... so Jerry has to down his glass of absinthe very quickly. There are consequences to this.

Jerry doesn't know what or how he screwed up but apparently this episode was supposed to be named "Smells Like Teen Absinthe," not the last one. That's not the only thing he screws up -- he can't cook chicken without making himself sick, and he experiments with a new drink during the recording which may or may not kill him. He and Dan also discuss numerous things you DO NOT WANT TO DO with absinthe. And in this episode, you get to hear the origins of how Dan came to know and love creepy dental phantoms. Being that this is a retro episode, portions were recorded in 2019, mixed in with recordings made in 2011.

More lap giraffes? What is Faux Tuesday? How can Jerry be in two places at once? Who in the heck would put ice cream in beer, and why? All these questions are asked and never really answered in Episode 28 of Slow Death in the Afternoon Podcast ... because we're talking about absinthe while drinking absinthe. That's why.

This one is a little bit Doctor Who -- we barrow a TARDIS and spy on ourselves as we come up with the idea for this podcast. Also covered is the question: Are crazy people really crazy, or are they just seeing things that we can't see? Dan tells about having actual real cougars in the office; having a "as seen on TV" 70's disco hot tub installed; Earthquakes and Hazmat Suites (we almost made this the title); HP Lovecraft,  and old horror movies in Dan's collection. Also Dan tells us how to get a government job, and our good friend David in Australia tells us about Skippy the bush kangaroo.

Recorded July 17, 2019, in this episode we reveal why we like Lucid now way, way more than we used to (hint: Ted Breaux himself let us know why); we reveal what Jerry learned in his cocktail class given by the master mixologist Alex Ryser; and we discuss how exactly people storming Area 51 can interface their MacBooks with alien computers. Also: Absinthe drink of the month (thank you Mario!), the pros and cons of rebooting Spiderman, and finally how awesome a song can be when none of the musicians don't even know they're contributing to a song (hint: it's all in the editing). PLEASE NOTE: to Jerry's employer, he is not smoking marijuana. But please consider being lenient when it is finally legal in his state of residence? Thank you! (Also thank you to Ted Breaux and Mario, shout outs to you! Also thank you to Alex Ryser for being the master mixologist and teacher that he is.)

Dan and Jerry discuss the remaking of the movie "10," and also ponder what it would be like to reboot The Road Warrior by having it star Pee-wee Herman. Also: Absinthe Jello Shots (Dan thinks they should be called "The Wiggly Fairy); how good the original Twilight Zone was; how to survive a tornado by hiding in a bathtub; and Dan gives his first official Absinthe News Report.

Recorded during a major thunderstorm, this has bikers, drug lords, anarchy, and the importance of battery backup systems. Also absinthe becoming legalized in France, mini iPads (is that a feminine hygiene product?), and Doctor Hoodlum (is that a thing? If not, it should be!) Music is by Minus the Bear: Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse. Dig it. And remember, life is a story. Be the protagonist. Drive the story forward.

After Jerry lists off all the naughty girls that have been trying to get a hold of him via Skype, Dan and Jerry then create Facebook pages for their appliances so they can all like each other, then discuss the land-squid people who will take over Earth after humans are gone -- and what future land-squid archeologists will think when they discover Dan's collection of stuffed jackalopes. And that is still not all. No, no friends, it goes on and on, like a runaway train full of pineapple ranchers who only speak German.

Freshly recorded in early June 2019, Dan and Jerry explore the question of drinking in self-driving cars; why vinyl records are like absinthe; and which female pop stars they have fan-crushes on. Further plans are made for a Vegas meetup!

It was an absinthe party, recorded live. We got pretty damn drunk. What more can we say?

It's 2019, do you know where you absinthe is? For Jerry, it's in his basement man-cave waiting for a party. Meanwhile Dan tells of giant marijuana shopping centers in Vegas and we spontaneously make a plan to go there. You're invited, too! Also, Jerry warns against beer with truffles in it, and then he and Dan discuss the size of their heads.

We are drinking absinthe during every episode and this one is no exception. Some of the alcohol-inspired confessions included here: neither Dan or Jerry feel like they're adults. In day-to-day dealings with "adults" both of us have to put on our "adult masks" so that others don't realize they're dealing with young teenagers trapped in aging bodies. Also: we have specific messages for Ted Breaux and Alan Moss ;-) 

As the evil girl scout says, "Next time just buy the damn cookies." Music featured in this episode is the awesome song, "We Are Hearty Drinking Men" by Andy Prieboy who (spoiler alert) will end up being a guest on a future episode. 

Drinks covered in this episode are Absinthe Dew'd, Redeye, and Mean Leprechaun. Also featured is the Molly Lewis song "Peep Fight," and the burning question: what is more romantic, a Winnebago or a mule? Speaking of burning ... what if there was a Disney Hell theme park? And also we discuss the idea of replacing "Political Correctness" with "Political Kindness." And, just for good measure, we talk about panning for gold in a river of Goldschlager. Thank you to Molly for letting us feature her song!

Hello listeners in the future! Dan makes a prediction from 2011 about 2020 ... tune in to see how accurate it is (or isn't) turning out to be. Also we talk a lot about absinthe and creativity, automated razor blades for your head, Dita Von Teese pouring liquids on herself, Jennifer Anniston's (now ancient) fake sex tape, and how men and/or women can use the techniques from the old movie The Tau of Steve to seduce each other. Santé!

Hello future people! We're broadcasting this episode from the not-so-distant past of March 12, 2019, and discussions range from the band "Ghost," to Wake Brewing in Rock Island, Illinois, to doom metal, to Jerry's new puppy who looks like it should be a Klingon dog but actually has the personality of an Ewok. There's also a lot of talk about Dungeons and Dragons, and also some reveals of family secrets. Also we reveal how much Dan's parents paid to adopt him, versus how much Jerry just paid for a puppy. You may be a bit shocked.

Hello people in the future! This is Jerry and Dan in the past broadcasting to you through time and space, and probably through some snow and ice as well. We talk about the wonders of caffeinated beer; about how the women in Finland are especially beautiful; and lament on how our buddy Mike McShane isn't the blockbuster superstar he really deserves to be. We also touch upon online dating; microwaving CDs for some exciting instant artwork; and also how awesome it would be if the Muppets made their own version of Lord of the Rings. Oh, and yes, we also talk about absinthe.

This episode is dark, has eight legs, and there's a nice touch of absinthe in the middle. Basically, Dan and Jerry discuss their raging arachnophobia, and hilarity ensues.

Included in this episode: how and why absinthe boosts creativity in some people; vicious attack bunnies; Marilyn Manson's art. Also included are things probably not appropriate for gentle ears.

This episode was recorded during a blizzard. Jerry actually has snow on his bed because he'd left his window open. Things discussed and explored (besides absinthe) is the wonderful dish that we're calling "spagaleto" [spa-gah-leto]; adventures in sleep apnea; and what it would be like to date Snow White.

This is the episode where Jerry discovers the perfect mixer for absinthe that isn't champagne nor water with a sugar cube. Also we cover Santa Clause flash mobs, zombie car washes, bowling with skulls, and why the mafia is awesome ... because we don't want them to kill us.

Hello future people! In this episode we debunk the top 5 myths about absinthe, we propose a drinking game based on how many times Jerry mispronounces things, and Dan reveals he is coming down with a case of germaphobia. We also touch upon the sometimes shocking sexual nature of old cartoons, and Jerry wishes he had an electronic chinchilla.  

Broadcasting from the past into the future, we regale you with tales of absinthe discovery, of close encounters with Hugh Hefner, of guilty pleasures and the long road leading to Ernest Hemingway's favorite drink: Slow Death in the Afternoon.