The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry
By The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry
The Green Hour with Dan and JerrySep 30, 2020
Revisiting Nerd Outpost 209 with Mike McShane
Our old friend Mike McShane (IMDb Link) returns to regale us of backstage tales and sordid details of the times before the glitz and the glory (in other words, back when we were all in college together, hanging out in the back rooms at restaurants and sucking nitrous oxide out of whip cream cans). There's also behind the scenes tidbits from movies such as Office Space, Richie Rich, and TV shows such as Seinfeld. And more!
Not only is this a special episode, it’s also the last episode of season two. But don’t worry, we’ll be back in 2021 with more moreness. There’s going to be even more moreness in the great amount of more in season three!
You Are Absinthelutely Correct
If Jack from The Shining were drinking absinthe at that bar, he would have written a wonderful novel instead of turning psycho murderer. Just sayin'. That is one of many important discussions we have here at this terribly important and so very serious show. No where else will you find the hard facts on what it would be like to recast the movie Dirty Harry with Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. Oh, and just to let you know, season two is winding down. I know, I know, you're either terribly sad or greatly relived, but either way ... there's still a few episodes left. Carry on!
Dan and Jerry's Excellent Adventure
Sadly, Keanu Reeves couldn't join us on this episode as he's busy in Germany filming the new Matrix movie, but we do talk a bit about Bill and Ted, as well as some timely absinthe news, and ... oddly ... UFO sightings in New Jersey which according to the news turned out to be the Goodyear Blimp (but, seriously, if you look at the videos that dozens of people took, it does NOT look like the Goodyear Blimp).
Remember folks ... be excellent to each other.
Mentioned in this podcast:
Absinthe and Ammo
Remember that old Warren Zevon song, "Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money"? Well, this is not it. This is more, "Send Fairy Dust, Zombies, Bob Newhart, The IT Crowd, Travel Man, What We Do in the Shadows, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Rick Wakeman, Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds, Alan Parsons, Star Trek Discovery, and Science Fiction Weapons."
Drinking Absinthia Absinthe with Absinthia!
Dan and Jerry -- after over 9 years of procrastinating -- finally have the one and only Absinthia as our guest! She tells the boys about the trials and tribulations of being a woman bringing a genuine organic absinthe to market. Dan does most of the interview while Jerry gets more and more "happy" drinking not one ... not two ... but three glasses of her wonderful elixir. Tune into this one for some serious insider information and also a very surprising revelation of the very best absinthe that Absinthia has ever tasted -- from a place that absolutely shocks Dan.
Thanks go out once again to Absinthia for joining in on this episode, and make sure to check out her absinthe and merch on Absinthia.com
Burning Plane Crash full of Spiders
This one has hookah pipes, book discussions ranging from The Hardy Boys through Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, Dan's connection to the late, great Philip K. Dick, and some glowing notes about an absinthe called "Meadow of Love." Plus, of course, all the usual nonsense. You must listen or you'll miss out on all the nonsense!
Dan Bought a Chinese Atomic Bomb Lamp
The title says Atomic "Bomb" Lamp, not Atomic "Bong" Lamp. Meanwhile, Jerry suffers from some credit card fraud but was saved, apparently, by Netflix, Dan gives his recommendation on what he puts on his "music to sip absinthe by" playlist, and Jerry tells Dan about a girl named Ramona who works at a snake farm.
It's a Rootin' Tootin' Ride Through Absinthe Mountain!
<li>Learning history via cartoons</li>
<li>New York absinthe bars</li>
<li>Remembering Occupy Wall Street</li>
<li>Shakespearian Insults and the Insultamatic Camera System</li>
<li>Why are end of the world stories always so popular?</li>
<li>Jerry has a mind boggling physics question for all you brainiacs out there!</li>
Beep Beep Make Room for My Little Jeep
Trust us, if you don't know what the title is referring to, then you don't want to know. Other than that, this episode basically talks about box monkeys who are obsessed with those with bigger boxes, and the boys talking about Occupy Wall Street (remember that?) and the fact that if you really want to have a protest have some real effect, then you need to protest with your wallet. Lots of good absinthe conversation going on in this one, and remember this pro tip: the more you drink, the funnier we are.
Getting Arrested while Holding Twinkies
Dan and Jerry talk about stuff. And things. And jail.
We're Just a Bunch of Box Monkeys
Back in 2011, Jerry found out that, contrary to his expectations, it kind of sucked to live in a high-rise corner penthouse. Also, this is a COVID-19-free episode, though we do talk a lot about the zombie apocalypse ... so it's about the same thing. Just with more zombies.
Be Excellent To Each Other
To wear a mask, or not wear a mask ... that is a question. To go on an outing or stay home. To decide if you are an introvert, or an extrovert ... is it one or the other, or is there a spectrum? Also: spider-eating vacuums, pinball games and slot machines, vintage typewriters, and giant camera lenses -- this episode has it all. Peace and love, fellow humans. Stay well. And don't set absinthe on fire.
Sick of hearing about the 2020 pandemic? This is a pandemic-free episode! How?! Because it was originally recorded in 2011, and in it Jerry talks about the email he once received from Steve Jobs, Dan questions how Saint Peter ended up being Heaven's security guard, and Jerry discusses the one addiction he just can't seem to kick. Also, Dan has an actual prescription for whiskey, and a pen he cannot take on an airline. Santé!
And the Pod Gods Frowned
The pod gods smited us during this episode, forcing us to regroup and pick up the pieces. Among the cursed subjects are Romper Room memories, the horrors of finishing a bottle of Le Tourment Vert, and experimenting with the ROOT OF ALL EVIL (it's not money). Jerry also gives his recommendation of a specific camera, if you were only to have one camera -- this is the one. Until, of course, the newest model comes out.
Love And Chatbots
Even back in 2011 Dan and Jerry were talking about the ominous aspect of not knowing if you're talking to a real person, or a bot, on the Internet. In this episode, Jerry is drinking Esprit Edouard, and Dan gives a review of Père Francois. What are you drinking? Santé!
Death From the Ankles Down
Topics covered in this silly train wreck:
- How not to break your absinthe fountain
- Why you should rent movies instead of buy them
- Dan and Jerry pitch a seriously low budget movie to either Neflix or Syfy
- Other assorted Green Hour shenanigans
Grab your favorite beverage of your choice and join us!
Day Drinking on a Sunday Morning
It's 10 AM for Dan and 12 Noon for Jerry, but hey, it's a Sunday, and so who cares? Get your drink ready and join us for The Green Hour, where Jerry is enjoying his La Clandestine (now that he's figure out to not dilute it so much) and Dan gives advice to those trying new spirit for the first time. The boys also talk about bottles of alcohol that are designed specifically to be repurposed as a bong; why Jerry prefers independent music; and Dan recommends some older awesome movies for Jerry (and the rest of us) to put on our Netflix watch lists. They also talk about the tools of their respective creative trades, and ask you to chime in.
Art is Anything You Can Get Away With
Important lessons to learn: How not to be roofied (Jerry's girlfriend had a very close call); buying glasses on the Internet is a total crapshoot; don't try to treat an eye infection with flaming absinthe; and how to make a absinthe Mojito. Special guest appearances on this September 2011 retro episode include Marilyn Monroe, Groucho Marks, and Chuck Testa.
Alcoholic Beverage Slap-downs and Antisocial Networks
Squandering In Ignorance
So the United States Government finally makes an official admission that, in effect, UFO's are real, and in this day and age we pretty much yawn and say, "Whatever." Has it really come to this? Yes, dear friends, it has. But there is one positive note: some very smart people are doing serious research to see if the ingredients of absinthe may help fight the current pandemic, and so we say, "Let's drink to that!" And we did. Jerry, in fact, drank maybe a bit too much. Also he reveals the results of his test, which was last episode's cliff hanger.
Should the Absinthe Festival Be Online?
If Burning Man is going to be online this year instead of out on the Playa, why can't the various absinthe festivals be online? And if they're not, should we create our own? Let's discuss.
Easter is a good time for a Green Hour
In this special episode, recorded mostly on Easter Sunday 2020, we're joined by special guest Kim Haasarud, a James Beard-honored mixologist, author, beverage consultant, and Vice President of the United States Bartenders Guild, where she tells us how we can all pitch in and help bartenders and waitstaff displaced by the current Covid-19 pandemic. Or, how to get help from the USBG if you are a bartender or waitstaff who has found yourself in the situation where you could use a helping hand. Other topics in this episode include classic science fiction movies; Godzilla and the Twilight Zone (then, and now); the latest installment of Red Dwarf; and many other things to explore ... or re-explore ... while physically distancing.
Note: Jerry was going to call this episode, "Are you Social Distancing, or Do I Just Have Bad Breath?" but at the last minute thought better of it.
Quarantine's Got Talent!
Between Dan posting quarantine memes and Jerry posting pictures of birds and squirrels, the boys are keeping themselves occupied during the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic. The US Bartender's Guild is collecting money to help those laid off during the crisis, while the New York Post is reporting that alcohol sales are up around 55%. Distilleries are considered essential businesses, most likely because schools are not -- but many are helping to fight this war against the germ by retooling their distilleries to produce sanitizing products. Welcome to the End of the World As We Know It.
The Hunt for Green October
If a bee is like a sharp stick, a wasp is like an automatic handgun. Why would you ever put a wasp in your absinthe? Why? And why should anyone even have to ask that question? Like why should you not put plutonium in your 3-Mile Island Root Beer Schnapps? And why should you never light absinthe on fire?
The Mummy Speaks!
Our special guest on this episode is a 3000 year old mummy. Little did he know his afterlife would be so "Meh."
If Beer Grew On Trees
Remember way back in 2011 when the CDC released information about how to prepare for a zombie apocalypse?
Injecting Testosterone Into Your … Area
Change is in the wind. Our podcast’s name is going to gently morph into “The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry” mainly because it would probably be easier to get guests to join us for that, than for a “Slow Death in the Afternoon.” In this episode Jerry is sipping on a Death in the Afternoon Cocktail made with Cooks Brut and Kubler while he and Dan talk about absinthe in Montana, self-improvement by getting out of your own way, and green fairies who like to get naked for you. (There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long is that is what they genuinely want to do.) Plus, Jerry and Dan both get into some TMI for hopefully everyone’s benefit. No pain no gain.
If You Louche It, They Will Drink
Mephisto Absinthe Review. Tattoo ideas. Old fat Elvis paintings on black velvet. Earthquake stories. Giraffe curling. And, how good are zombies at washing cars?
The Green Hour with Dan and Jerry
Dan tells a tale of phantasmagoria while Jerry sips Jade 1901 and listens in fascination about demons, murders, and what old-timey people used to do before there were horror movies. There is also a tale of murder that was blamed on absinthe, and which started the worldwide ban on absinthe back in the day … even though most likely it should have been blamed on wine.
Song about Absinthe written by Artificial Intelligence, and Tenth Ward Absinthe Review
Season two premier episode, featuring a song about absinthe written by an artificial intelligence, Dan giving his initial taste test and review of Tenth Ward Absinthe, and Jerry takes us through a bizarre history of alcoholic beverages used as medicine since before the year 7000 B.C. Also, the boys touch upon the subject (again) of making your own absinthe at home.
Searching for Absinthe and Roasting Dan at His Own Funeral
It's Dan's birthday! So what does he want? A funeral?!? Yes, that's what he wanted, so that's what we gave him. A comedy funeral "roast" hosted by none other than the one and only Mike McShane. That, and a bunch of bottles of absinthe. So a huge shoutout to longtime friend Mike (we can't tell you how much we love this guy) for being the Master of Ceremonies, and thanks to longtime friend and Slow Death in the Afternoon listener Jeff for being there as well, and also to old and dear friend Dave for participating all the way from Australia. Also a HUGE shout out to all Dan's friends, too many to name here, and also since Jerry is the one typing this, he can't remember any of their names. Except for Becky (who is the ultimately awesome girlfriend by the way, and Dan is an extremely lucky dude to have her in his life). Video can be found on our website at absithepodcast.com or on our Facebook page. Also, note to Dan: please don't drink absinthe in Hell. Remember it's flammable.
Psycho X Lovers and Glasses with Fricken' Lasers
Greetings to all future peoples from us here in the distant past! This mostly retro episode of the podcast features glasses with fricken' lasers, holiday shopping woes, and discussions about how you know when a Hollywood franchise is on its last leg when they suddenly set it "in space." The boys also pose the question to you, the listeners: Have you ever had a psycho x?
Probably Our Holiday 2019 Episode!
Why probably? Because we don't really know. Dan is super busy with local shows for his day job for the rest of December 2019, and while Jerry may have a substitute guest host lined up, that also is not a for sure thing. Other than that, what can you expect from this episode? Well, how would you like to be a double-secret absinthe counter spy? You might be one right now and not even know it! Be careful with that pen you have no memory of ever touching before because if you push the button on the top you may release a weapon of mass drunkenness. If all this wasn't enough of a train wreck, Jerry uses his amazing psychic powers to channel the spirit of the first human to ever suckle a cow.
Losing Your Absinthe Virginity
In this episode Dan teaches Jerry how to professionally negotiate just about anything. Jerry tells Dan how to get people to leave when it's time for them to go home. Also in this episode: Mashing up Watership Down with A Clockwork Orange. A robot which duplicates (or dispenses) absinthe. How the stuff you own ends up owning you. How to enjoy moderation in moderation. And, we answer the age old question: Does absinthe really make the heart grow fonder?
Thanksgiving 2019 Special
That's right, future listeners, this episode was recorded waaaay back in November, 2019! Inside it contains: Cinnamon night sweats. Absinthe eggnog. Chocolate absinthe cigars. Absinthe, kittens, and anti-depressant hallucinogenics. Time-traveling Mandalorians in Elon Musk's cyber truck. It's Thanksgiving, dear future listeners -- and we are drunk. Thank you!
Bartles and Hemingway
IN THIS EPISODE Dan and Jerry suggest you go to Meetup.com and start a local absinthe meetup group. Also, Dan urges Jerry to "practice what you've been drinking" tells him about how much he hates paying retail prices. No, seriously, he hates it. Also mentioned in this episode is the brilliance that is "Robot Chicken" (can you believe it's been going on since 2005?), and how Dan used to love frequenting hookah bars. Or course, this was back when it was only legal for him to smoke shisha. ALSO, STAY TUNED dear future listeners, as there is a BONUS EPISODE coming out this week: our 2019 Thanksgiving Special.
If you "Reimagine" Absinthe it's probably not Absinthe anymore...
In this episode we touch upon recently announced Henrick's "Absinthe Reimagined," and while we're not bashing it -- because we haven't actually tasted it -- we're skeptical about calling it "absinthe." Also covered is the upcoming legalization of marijuana in Michigan and Illinois, the challenge of pronouncing absinthe in a plural sense, and Jerry touts the wonderfulness that is Clandestine absinthe. He also gives us details about the sadly defunct "Green Fairy Club" that had used to be in the Naperville / Aurora Illinois area, and discuss the 5 people (living or dead) we would like to drink absinthe with. And we'd like to pass that question off to you! Call and let us know who those people would be, at (203) 450-6375.
Absinthe Dot Awesome
In this episode we talk about Le Tourment Vert, and Jerry tells the tale of getting his very first bottle of Jade Nouvelle Orleans. Dan answers the question: is there anything special about absinthe sugar cubes. Jerry then tells Dan about the connection between sugar cubes and LSD. Jerry talks about "Absinthe Stripper Magic" (Video) and the boys discuss how they can get people to put money together and buy the .awesome top level domain. You know, so that you can have a website address like "absinthe.awesome." Last but not least, they want to know if you've ever been to Burning Man, and if you have, call and leave us a voice mail telling us about your experiences at (203) 450-6375.
Louche Offs and Neutron Bombs
This episode was actually recorded right before Halloween 2019, and where Jerry lives there's already snow on the ground. He is not happy about that. But besides that, the boys do a "louche off" taste test between Letherbee and Kubler to see which they think is the better of the two to recommend as a "starter absinthe" to someone who's never tried the beverage before. Music at the end is by Feather Drug, and if you love it as much as the boys do, you can listen to more of Feather Drug (Guillaume Thévenot) on BandCamp and SoundCloud.
It Came From the Living Horror of Zombie Beach
Featured here for the very last time, this is a remastered version of our Halloween Special with a brand new intro recorded in 2019. True ghost stories, and contacting spirits with a Ouija Board, Dan and Jerry follow the green fairy into places they should truly never, ever go.
Friends don't let friends burn absinthe
In this episode, recorded October 24, 2019, Dan and Jerry explore where exactly the idea of burning absinthe came from, then dive even deeper to touch upon the origins of absinthe itself. Spoiler alert: it goes back way further than either of them realized. Other things covered: A review of Letherbee Absinthe; using CBD to combat, of all things, PROCRASTINATION; and then Dan and Jerry get into a bit of a heated discussion about whether or not you should ask famous friends to sign things for you.
You're only immortal for a limited time
If you have a great idea, run with it NOW
We titled this from a very small portion of the episode, but if you take nothing else away from listening (or don't listen to this episode at all) just remember that bit. Both Dan and Jerry touch upon ideas they had but DID NOT run with, and someone else did -- and that's why Jurassic Park is by Micheal Crichton and not Jerry Davis. Absinthe-wise, Jerry is still confused about Versinthe. Is/was it absinthe or a pastis? There's conflicting information out there, but regardless Jerry thought it was pretty darn good ... whatever it was. Beside that, the boys talk coffee, gold panning in New York City, anxiety from low absinthe levels, and a beautiful model named Caroline Madison who is half Asian, and has naturally blazing red hair (we featured her as our "absinthe fairy" once, back in 2011).
Get Down Funky Like a Furry Gibbous Monkey
We know it should probably be "Gibbon" monkey but that's not the way it came out, all those years ago. What the heck are we talking about? You'll have to listen to find out. Besides that foolishness, Dan gives a barside review of Haint Absinthe, and Jerry follows suite with his recent barside experience with something called Nain Rouge Absinthe. Other absinthes touched upon in one way or another are State 38's Damn Good Absinthe (which, unfortunately, doesn't appear to be too damn good), Oregon Spirit Absinthe Original, and Fish Creek Green Fairy.
Zombies on Rainbows
This episode features La Sorcière Absinthe Supèrieure Verte and Grande Absente reviews from 2011. This is news to Jerry as he has no memory of ever trying Grande Absente, let along liking it. Side note: apparently in Stockton California all absinthe is kept behind glass so that it doesn't escape. Also, Dan and Jerry discuss tasteful garden zombies, and the fact that you can get a Harley Davidson fountain pen.
Yes, you can make absinthe at home, but...
"If you cross-breed a cow with a buffalo ... you really have to convince that cow, you know." That's a line from a song used in this episode. Does it have anything to do with absinthe? Not really. Does it have something to do with Dan and Jerry. YES. Yes it does. But besides that, the boys talk about being pissed off at Microsoft, about Star Trek (but it has nothing to do with absinthe), about being in a car with a girl while another car is pointing guns at the car in front of you (that really happened) and about how some people do make absinthe at home using a technique much akin to making a pot of tea ... but using alcohol instead of water.
Coffee and Absinthe ... oh my!
It's like coffee and absinthe were made for each other ... but will it go with Jade absinthe? And will Jade go with champagne? Jerry finds out. Also, Jade gets back to Jerry about a cork issue, and Dan talks about an article filled with such misinformation about absinthe that it puts the "anus" in "heinous." Aaaand there's some personal sharing going on. But it's okay, they trust you.
I Don't Know ... THIRD BASE!
Jerry learned something important from his recent absinthe emergency: how to NOT open a bottle of Jade. Meanwhile Dan is laughing because Jerry has a blood test in the morning and so can't have anything to eat or drink after a certain time, and that time is coming up in 15 minutes ... so Jerry has to down his glass of absinthe very quickly. There are consequences to this.
Soylent Absinthe Green
Jerry doesn't know what or how he screwed up but apparently this episode was supposed to be named "Smells Like Teen Absinthe," not the last one. That's not the only thing he screws up -- he can't cook chicken without making himself sick, and he experiments with a new drink during the recording which may or may not kill him. He and Dan also discuss numerous things you DO NOT WANT TO DO with absinthe. And in this episode, you get to hear the origins of how Dan came to know and love creepy dental phantoms. Being that this is a retro episode, portions were recorded in 2019, mixed in with recordings made in 2011.