Survivor Sanctuary

Imagine the surprise of survivors everywhere when a pastor who has never had a word to say about sexual abuse in the church suddenly crafts an entire sermon series about the "grooming" of children... Well, don't get excited. These pastors haven't actually decided to begin caring about the endemic issue of sexual abuse in the church; no, they're simply using their platform and a faux concern for children to posture politically. We chat about it on today's episode.

Radical forgiveness. Radical grace. These buzz phrases get thrown around in Christianity, soaking survivors of sexual abuse in shame and letting predators off the hook. But are they actually scriptural? We discuss on today's episode.

It's probably happened to all of us: we share openly about the abuse we have experienced, and inevitably, someone's response is "you need to forgive." We unpack this lovely unforgiveness phenomenon in today's episode. Happy New Year!

On this episode of the podcast, we're chatting with Steve Black of the Ezekiel 33 Project. Steve's daughter was abused by a family member when she was just 6 years old, and the lack of information available for parents going through what his family was going through at the time prompted him to start his own blog. Steve's story is so incredibly valuable to anyone who has experienced navigating sexual abuse within the family, and we're so thankful he has taken the time to join us today!

We've all been told at one point or another to leave the past in the past. But when it comes to sexual abuse, wading through the past is necessary for healing. On today's podcast, we'll discuss why it's important to carefully examine your past to keep it from growing into something unmanageable. Yes, the past can be uncomfortable or scary, but properly examining it can lead to freedom.

Are survivors of sexual abuse "playing the victim" when they speak out about sexual abuse? There are plenty of people who think (and say) so. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we'll talk about what it actually means to "play the victim" are have a "victim mentality," and how that relates to survivors.

It's cute that the creepy ex youth leader who beat a rap for allegedly sexually assaulting a minor just followed me on Twitter. We chat about it on today's episode.

We're used to hearing bad advice, platitudes and questionable opinions on surviving sexual abuse from people who have never experienced abuse themselves. But there's a disturbing trend among survivors and advocates who seem to believe that the only way to move on from abuse is to accept responsibility for the abuse you experienced, or accept that it was all a part of God's (or the Universe's) plan to help you grow. On today's episode, we'll chat about these harmful beliefs that are being shared, and remind everyone exactly why abuse happens and who is to blame.

Is it a trauma response? A mental health disorder? What on earth would cause a mother to stay with and support a man who sexually abuses her kids? It happens more than we care to believe, and on today's episode we try to unpack what's going on when a mom chooses a sexual predator over her kids. ***ALL the trigger warnings***

With all the high-fives flying and churches celebrating in light of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, survivors of sexual abuse in the church may be left scratching their heads. Forgive us if we find the claims that the church cares deeply for the vulnerable disingenuous, but we've been under the table for decades practically begging for scraps of this supposed care and compassion--and we've been ignored or flat out stomped on. On today's episode of the podcast, we'll talk about pro life virtue signaling, and sit with a simple question: If you can't care for the vulnerable survivors who you see, how can you claim to care for the vulnerable unborn who you can't see?

Believe survivors. We hear it often, and it's very important advice. But there's one time it's perfectly acceptable NOT to believe survivors... and that's when they tell you the abuse was their fault. On this episode we'll discuss how survivors of childhood sexual abuse often wrongly accept responsibility for part of their abuse because they are too early in their recovery to fully understand what they've experienced. Unfortunately, their belief that they are partly to blame is sometimes used against them later--once they realize the truth of their grooming and abuse. 

They say your character is who you are when nobody is watching. So why is it that Christians have so much trouble believing that people caught abusing children are depraved, dangerous and better off in prison? If you've been following the Josh Duggar trial, you may have read the letters that Michelle Duggar, Anna Duggar and Josh's pastor sent to the judge to beg for leniency in sentencing. They listened in court as horrifying details of the sex abuse materials Josh was viewing were recounted, yet still plead for a light sentence based on Josh's "godliness" and Christian character. When Christians are shown someone's true character, why do we have so much trouble believing them? We'll talk it out on today's episode. 

It's always easier to find fault with "that church over there," but when it comes to sexual abuse, it's important to understand that it can happen *anywhere*. On today's episode we'll chat about the recent scandals that have mega churches in the spotlight--and why we can't blame them for the problem of sexual abuse in the church. 

**In this episode of the podcast, I quote author and pastor Tim Keller. This quote is for purposes of understanding the popular view that mega churches are the problem in christianity, and should not be construed as an endorsement of Keller, his church or his safety for survivors of abuse.**

"You think everyone is an abuser." It's a comment I've heard more than once in my work as an advocate, and in everyday life as a survivor of sexual abuse. On today's episode, we chat about the accusation, and discuss the difference between believing everyone is an abuser and believing that an abuser *can be* anyone.

Turning Red, Disney World PA greetings, transgender athletes... what are we protesting this week, church? Besides child molesters in our pulpits, because apparently that one is totally OK. On this episode, we'll discuss the church's unscriptural obsession with judging "the world," and the biblical exhortation to judge those inside the church.

Tags:

Bill Bjorkman, Calvary Chapel, sexual abuse, pedophiles, child molesters, church abuse, turning red, Lia Thomas, Disney

It's always fun when a spiritual leader teaches theology-by-meme on social media. And by fun, I mean obnoxious. There are some quotes and memes floating around on Facebook these days that are aimed at people who apparently don't spend enough time in a church building. And as memes tend to do, they vastly oversimplify what can be a highly complex lived experience for survivors of spiritual, psychological and sexual abuse within the church. On this episode, we'll tackle why a growing number of people no longer feel safe in a church building, and how social media one-liners from "men of God" only serve to further alienate them from the fellowship of believers.

Content Warning:

In this episode, we discuss sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, church abuse, unsafe pastors, unsafe churches, sexual assault, rape, child molestation

On this episode, we chat about the controversy surrounding John MacArthur, and a church culture that insists protecting women and children from abusers is "worldly."

It should be the love and compassion of Christ, a sense of justice and righteousness that compel christian institutions to report, rather than conceal the sexual abuse of minors in their midst. But since that doesn't seem to be working, perhaps the threat of mug shots and orange jumpsuits will do the trick. On this episode we discuss the recent arrests of five administrators at Midland Christian School in Midland, Texas, who allegedly failed to report (and actively worked to conceal) the sexual assault of one of their minor students on school property. We talk about their case, and why it seems personal consequences are much more of a motivating factor than anything else when it comes to christians reporting sexual abuse.

Why do survivors of sexual abuse seem to struggle with self care? And how has the church contributed to that struggle? We chat about it on today's episode.

If you followed the Josh Duggar trial, you know that he was recently found guilty on two counts of possessing child pornography. Maybe you also noticed some similarities between how much of the Duggar family and The Church deal with perpetrators in their midst. We chat about it on this episode.

As promised, in this episode of Survivor Sanctuary we are piggy-backing off of our last episode on vaccine mandates and protecting the bodily autonomy of survivors of sexual abuse. We're chatting with Joshua Yoder, host of the "Unbinding the Bible" podcast, about why sexual abuse is often viewed and cared about through a party lens, especially within the church. When liberals or conservatives, christians or atheists allow a party affiliation to determine whether they are free to care about instances of sexual abuse, survivors are the losers every single time. 

Every once in a while, I need to record an episode that will step on #allthetoes. Typically, I try to stay away from political/partisan topics, but as vaccine mandates begin to go into effect across the nation, survivors of sexual abuse are being affected in a way that often triggers trauma responses. We'll discuss that trauma (*not* the efficacy of vaccines) on today's episode. 

As we've watched the tragic story of Gabby Petito unfold over the last several weeks, it's been triggering to survivors of all kinds of abuse. For survivors of sexual abuse in the church, specifically, we may not be able to relate completely to Gabby's experience, but there are definitely parallels which bring he story close to home. On this episode of the podcast, we'll talk about those parallels, and what the church can learn from this tragedy.

On today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we chat with Mendy Hood, a survivor of sexual abuse by her youth pastor at age 13. Mendy's fighting spirit is contagious as she shares her story and refuses to hold back in her quest for justice, her calling out of abusers, and her struggles in the aftermath of sexual abuse. 

Maybe you've seen the news that Hillsong founder Brian Houston has been formally charged for allegedly concealing his father's sexual assault of children. He is "devastated" by these charges, but perhaps not as devastated as the children who could have been protected had Brian Houston done the right thing. 

"Speaking out about sexual abuse doesn't ruin the reputation of the church... Sexual Abusers ruin the reputation of the church..."

I'm sure they "meme" well, but when people use this logic to combat those who silence abuse victims, they're only feeding the monster. The impact of sexual abuse is much greater than the tarnishing of a person's or institution's reputation. We chat about it on today's episode. 

We know that many survivors of sexual abuse are judged by Christians for walking out of the church. But what about the survivors who choose to stay? It turns out many of them are also being judged, just by a new set of people--some of their fellow survivors and survivor advocates. On this episode, we'll chat about it, and the importance of allowing survivors a voice when it comes to their own spirituality. 

According to most preachers, Jesus is the example we should all be following. So why do so many of them fail to emulate Christ and his willingness to lay down his life for his sheep? If Jesus willingly gave up his rights as God, humbling himself to the point of a humiliating death on the cross, then why can't a preacher caught sexually abusing someone even humble himself to the point of stepping down from the pulpit? It baffles the mind, and we chat about it on today's episode.

The title of this episode is pretty self-explanatory. We're chatting about former SBCer Russell Moore and his letters which were leaked this week, revealing things about the SBC Executive Committee that really don't surprise us, but should definitely grieve us. Until those at the top of the SBC are as grieved and angered over sexual abuse as the Lord is, the denomination will not be safe for the vulnerable OR the wounded. 

Sometimes, speaking out about sexual abuse can cost you family relationships. That's often because the perpetrator is a member of the family. But what about family members who resent your voice for other reasons? In this episode, we'll chat about those super fun people who resent our advocacy, and do a quick recap of the "why" behind speaking out about sexual abuse.