The Fully Lived Life

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

For more information on the Enneagram couples report, please contact us via the links below.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

For more information on Enneagram assessment and coaching, please contact us at one of the links below.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

For more information on Enneagram assessment and coaching, please contact us at one of the links below.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Quote from hospital chaplain, J. S. Park:

“I see people die every week. Often they tell me their regrets.

Please, I plead with you. Live Deeply. You may be young now but it goes. Fast. It is a breath. Do not waste time on everyone else's vision for you. I know it is not this easy. In all the ways you can. Please be here.”

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.

In this episode, Gillian shares how stress impacted her life and how she made adjustments to get back on track.

Merry shares how our population as a whole is becoming more stressed and how children as young as 3 years of age are presenting with signs of anxiety and stress.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Dr. Merry and Gillian take a brief pause to check in with each other. They share vulnerably about where they’re at and how they’re navigating this season of waiting and grieving.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

The THINK mantra:

Is it true?

Is it helpful?

Is it inspirational?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

This episode kicks off Season 3. Below please find links on how to write a personal manifesto.

So What?

Manifesto definition: a statement in which someone makes his or her intentions or views clear.  A personal life manifesto acts:

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

We wrap up season 2 by a short recap of what we’ve covered over the year, and Dr. Merry and Gillian share about some of their favourite conversations. We introduce the idea of writing a personal manifesto to capture key learnings, values and dreams for our lives.

So What?

Manifesto definition: a statement in which someone makes his or her intentions or views clear.  A personal life manifesto acts:

Now What?

And now we are going to challenge you to enter the summer with some thoughts. We would like you to write your life manifesto. To help you write your own manifesto or life purpose guide, we are including a link to a PDF based on Craig Groeschel’s book Chazown. It will take time and thoughtful reflection and honesty with yourself but it will be so worth it. You may have to make a few drafts before you have it clear and concise and reflective of where you want to go. So carve out some time over the summer to do this.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

Leaning into the teaching in Part 1 - Episode 071, Dr. Merry continues moving us along the path from Insight to Wisdom to Transformation. The goal is always to be moving from insight gained towards wisdom to know how to implement insight and then lifelong integration towards transformation. Using the Enneagram, we talk about self-mastery.

So What?

The Levels of Integration refer to the degree of self-mastery individuals have achieved so far in their personal development journeys in life. At a high level of integration, there is a sense of “letting go” of core fears and concerns as people come to understand and move beyond the limitations of their core Enneagram Type.

The movement toward healthy integration means we become less fixated in the defensive structures of our personality and are more attuned and open to ourselves and our environment. We see our personality objectively in action rather than “falling asleep” to our automatic personality patterns.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

Begin at the insight stage. If you know your triggers, what causes you to be reactive? What makes you reflect after an event and say “why did I do that”? This is the insight phase - knowing why you do that thing you do. Then begin to act wisely. How do you take steps to choose a different path than the reactive one. Do a daily check-in like the Examen to help you to review how you are acting wisely throughout the day. Then reflect on the transformation that has taken place in your life over the year. Where can you celebrate growth in your life. This will help you see that you are growing in insight, wisdom and integration.

Life Coaching Tip:

Last week you drew a pipe. Identify what the big one in the pipe is: is it anger, fear, passive aggressive behaviour etc? Pick that one big one and then ask what triggers this passive aggressive behaviour? What has happened to trigger this big response, what came before it, what feelings were stirred up? Once you realize what is behind it you can leverage that to ask yourself the question next time “ok what is really going on to make me want to react?” Learning to catch yourself and practice the 90 second rule is so key to lifelong transformation.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

We have lots of questions about the idea of “the true self” and our previous Episode 058 generated lots of comments and questions. Today’s episode and the next episode are a deep dive into the subject.  We want to talk in detail about healthy integration. Listen in and be sure to check back to next week's part 2!

So What?

While our shadow selves have true needs, we end up in hot water when we try to get those needs met in a self-referencing or self-protecting way. We trust in our own resources and performance rather than on God. Our behaviour on the outside can look the same, but the motives are different. We discuss the analogy of us as a pipeline connecting on one end to God, and the other end to others, and as we deal with the “gunk” in our pipeline, we’re allowing God’s love and character to show up to the world through our true selves.

Now What?

Life coaching tip:

Leveraging the visual of the pipe - draw a pipe with God at one end and you at the other. What is the junk in the middle clogging up the pipe? Name it, - anger, denial, shame, unresolved hurt, unforgiveness, bitterness etc. This will put you in a good place as we head into next week’s part 2.

Therapeutic Tip:

Think about the times in your life when you have really overreacted. A stronger reaction than was warranted. Look for patterns of this behaviour. The patterns will point to some unresolved pain, hurt or trauma from the past. Go get help in this area. It doesn't mean therapy necessarily, but find a program, group or trusted other to help you with this.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

Gaslighting is a psychological term that refers to manipulating or undermining someone in a way that questions how they’re reacting. It’s making someone believe that everything they’re going through is all in their head or isn’t really happening to the extent that they perceive. The idea is to make you feel like your reactions are invalid, your emotions are unimportant, your talents aren’t real, or that certain situations literally did or didn’t happen.

Self-gaslighting doesn’t necessarily have to be caused by the person you’re having trouble with. The messages can be internalized from past relationships - whether it’s your family of origin or a past abusive relationship. Once it gets inside your head, it can then become your filter.

So What?

How to know if you are self gas-lighting:

Now What?

Therapeutic tip:

How To Stop Gaslighting Yourself:

Life Coaching tip:

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

Today we will chat about self care routines that are “happiness hacks”. Our body produces “happy chemicals” that make us feel good about ourselves and our lives.

So What?

When our bodies are under stress, we can do some practical self care things to battle the stress hormones.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

While these habits are important and great for all of us to incorporate into our lives, if you find yourself still feeling down or anxious or stressed in spite of regular practice of these happiness hacks, consider that there may be something going on that’s more serious or needs professional attention. You may need medication or therapy, as there may be mental health issues that can be long standing and can’t be easily addressed with some hacks. If this is you, I’d encourage you to get an assessment from a qualified professional who can help you understand what might be going on, and then give you some direction for treatment.

Life Coaching Tip:

As you look  at the Chart of Happiness Hacks - how many of these already fit into your daily or weekly routine? What would you like to add on a daily basis and where would it be most beneficial for you - in the morning or the evening?

In James Clear’s book  Atomic Habits, he suggests integrating a new habit by what is called “habit stacking”. An example of this would be to add the practice of gratitude connecting with your evening dinner hour. By adding on a gratitude practice to dinner time you are fostering the practice of gratitude, connecting with family members with nourishment of your bodies. Or adding a time of meditation to your morning coffee or tea time before the day begins. What habit would you like to add to the already established routines of your day?

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

In today's episode we’re going to talk about defense mechanisms!! This is a good follow up to our podcast, Telling Ourselves the Truth (060). We’re going to go through some of the more common defense mechanisms and we’ll also share which of the enneagram types tend to rely on them

So What?

Self-awareness is key to our growth! While this may be an “ouchie”, it’s worth calling it out in ourselves so that we can do better. And we ALL use them!!

Typical Defence Mechanisms: It is quite a list so make sure to tune in as Merry walks us through them.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tips:

First of all, acknowledge that everyone uses defense mechanisms and they actually served a purpose - so be kind to yourself.

Study the common DM’s - re-listen to this podcast if you have to, and write down which of the defense mechanisms that resonate with you, especially as you think about your enneagram number, if you know it.

Track your DM’s - Once you’ve identified your DM’s of choice, start tracking them each day at the end of each day and consider where the DM’s might have come up.

Understands the whys of your DMs - Most importantly, when you’ve identified that you’ve used a DM, think about what uncomfortable experience or emotion you were trying to manage.

Learn to tolerate the discomfort - we’ve talked about this before in a previous episode (057 - Regulating our Emotions)

Life Coaching Tip:

Can you think of a recent situation where your defence mechanisms kicked in big time?  Journal it with as much detail about what was going on with you - what were you feeling, experiencing physically, how was your voice, stance, body language.. What would you like to change?  I think the 90 second rule in Episode 069 would be helpful to engage here. Remember change really does take time but if you can imagine and dream about how you want to change you’re more likely to move in that direction.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What:

Join in the conversation as Dr. Merry talks about her Lenten experience this year. Deemed by Merry as the “anti-fast” with a focus on enjoying the good gifts from God as a spiritual discipline. For those of us who have been raised with the message that pleasure is sinful, this is a dive into the sacred observance of joining God in His good gifts.

So What:

Do you see the experience of pleasure as sinful, hedonistic, or as an expression of relishing and savoring the good?

Both Gillian and Merry have been enjoying Dallas Willard’s book “ A Life Without Lack” and it is challenging us in looking at our own beliefs through a different lens.

Now What:

Therapeutic Tip:

If we fail to discipline ourselves to take our pleasure seriously, we are prone to compulsively seek to fulfill this need through addictive pleasures. In other words, if we don’t seek pleasure consciously and fuel our senses with pleasurable God-honoring, God-gifting experiences, we will seek it in unhealthy ways unconsciously.

Life Coaching Tip:

Where do you experience great joy and pleasure? All of us are wired with a sacred pathway that allows us to connect on a soul-filled spiritual level. If you don’t know what that is google “Spiritual Pathways” and read the descriptions - one is likely to resonate with you. Then go about pursuing that 3 x over the next week.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What:

How would you rate yourself at being able to keep your own company?  Are you able to sit with your thoughts in stillness and feel comfortable, or do you feel stressed? Do you focus on building a healthy relationship with yourself?  Tune in to this episode to hear about the barriers, fears, and healthy practices of stillness and keeping your own company.

So What:

Our thoughts, particularly the ones involving self-perception, greatly impact our well-being. This is a time to practice self-compassion that we have spoken about before. Self-compassion means being gentle, kind, and understanding with yourself; accepting that you are not perfect; and understanding that there is potential for learning and growth in every mistake you make ( Kristen Neff, 2003).

Developing the practice of stillness with yourself can be uncomfortable in the early stages. Consider it a renovation project that peels back the layers to create the foundation and environment for a new beautiful space to emerge.

Now What:

Using a practice like the Examen can help us foster and grow the relationship with ourselves.

Therapeutic Tip and Life Coaching tip: We recommend the daily check-in similar to the practice of the Examen. The link to the Daily Check-in is below in the links.

Start the process small with something you enjoy. Combine self-care and the daily check-in with yourself. Use meditation to focus on Scripture of something life-giving to still yourself.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

“When you’re waiting, you’re not doing nothing. You’re doing the most important something there is. You’re allowing your soul to grow up. If you can’t be still and wait, you can’t become what God created you to be.” (Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life’s Sacred Questions)

“Creativity flourishes not in certainty but questions. Growth germinates not in tent-dwelling but upheaval. Yet the seduction is always security rather than venturing, instant knowing rather than deliberate waiting.”

So What?

Waiting isn’t a passive act. It does take intentionality and it takes patience. As long as we don’t numb ourselves and just try to “get through” - the reality is we may need to do some of that to get through Covid, let’s be honest - but there is much reflecting and focusing on our priorities and values that we can do.

What if we focus on our inner growth, rather than just our outward performance or external goals we achieve during this time?

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

Schedule a Daily Inner Life Examen for at least 15 min - review the day and think about how you felt, what you thought, how you reacted throughout the day. What might be underlying your reactions, what triggers, what fears/insecurities? If you’re a Christ-follower, invite Jesus into that examen. This isn’t about problem-solving but just about being present in your inner life.

Life Coaching Tip:

Gillian encourages our listeners to do the above exercise in the therapeutic tip from Dr. Merry, and to listen in to a future podcast on “Keeping Our Own Company”  Waiting often involves periods of just being with ourselves and this will encourage us in the development of waiting well.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

This week’s episode is an intentional departure from our normal format. It is a very personal account from Dr. Merry in response to the tragic shooting of 6 Asian women in Atlanta and the rise of anti-Asian racism and violence.

Research shows that there has been a significant increase of hate crimes against Asian-Canadians since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, with major cities seeing crime rates that are 600 to 700 percent higher than the previous year!

Since the start of the pandemic, hate crimes against Asian-Canadians have been on the rise as documented in a report released by Statistics Canada in July 2020. Furthermore, Asian women report hate incidents at twice the rate of men, and in many cases, women received verbal harassment that reflects the intersection of racism and sexism.

Listen in and hear Dr. Merry’s vulnerable testimony to her experiences of racism as a woman of colour. Resonate with how she describes the feeling of “not enoughness”.

We offer this up to our listeners even though Dr. Merry is in the midst of processing all of this with no resolution, because we want you, as you feel her pain, to feel your own. Not to solve it, shut it down or fix it, but simply to feel it, accept it, and give yourself a lot of grace and self-compassion. Because we all need it. Life hurts and we hurt each other, many times inadvertently.

Our hope is that there can be solidarity in our common humanity and our suffering, and when we realize how much of what we struggle with is driven by that deep feeling of not enoughness.

For those of us who are Jesus followers, we continue to bring our not-enoughness and brokenness to Jesus, and in his perfect love and complete acceptance of us, we find our enoughness. Not in our performance, success, other people’s acceptance of us, but just in who he says we are and how much he loves us.

We are not offering any Therapeutic Tips or Coaching Tips in this episode, but encourage our listeners to be informed of the rising racist acts and language in our communities and world and be open to conversations about how we can be allies and not bystanders. And for those of you who have experienced racism and oppression, allow what gets stirred up in you to be validated and brought to light.

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

Today Merry and Gillian poke a little fun at themselves whilst sharing their stories of “brain fog”.  Do you suffer from this, and you’re finding yourself being self-critical during these moments? Extend some self-compassion and listen in as we walk through the body’s ability to both protect us and navigate times of ongoing stress.

So What?

Dr. Merry walks us through the way the brain reacts to stress and the limbic system and how it prepares us to respond. We hope that this conversation not only provides you some hope but also reminds you of the marvelous way you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” to handle what life can throw at us.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

Making time for these emotions is an act of profound kindness and compassion to ourselves and others. The making of time for the emotions may be the biggest tool to get through this difficult time than trying to structure the stress. So if you, like us, are experiencing brain fog - you are in good company and your body is doing a kind thing by managing your resources. Ask yourself:

Life Coaching tip:

Links:

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What:

In today’s episode, Gillian takes a hard look at what was going on in her life when she was scarfing down cinnamon buns and chips to avoid feeling the powerlessness of her weakness and vulnerability to the ongoing Covid reality.

So What:

In her book “Lies We Tell Ourself - The Psychology of Self Deception”, the author Dr. Courtney Warren encourages us to pay attention to:

Now What:

Review the list below and be truthful to yourself about the blindspot you have.

Enneagram:

1  denying anger with your shortcomings because it is wrong to get angry

2  denying your own needs and neediness/giving to get

3  denying the avoidance of failure

4  denying the ordinariness of your life

5  denying the emptiness especially in the area of relationships

6  denying any rebellion or disobedience coming out of your behavior or thoughts

7  denying any  pain and suffering in your life by running the other way

8  denying yourself any weakness or area of vulnerability

9  denying the avoidance of any  conflict or  disagreement and its cost to you/others

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Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

Self-awareness - why do those 2 words make us say UGH!  In a study led by Tasha Eurich published in the Harvard Business Review, researchers found that only 10 - 15% of participants are self-aware.

Self-awareness seems to have become the latest management buzzword — and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively.

How self-aware are you? We have a link in the links below for you to take. Dr. Merry and Life Coach Gillian both did the test and held the other accountable for their results.

So What?

From the research, it was determined that there are 2 types of self-awareness.

The first, which is internal self-awareness, represents how we see our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others.

The second category, external self-awareness, means understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above. The research shows that people who know how others see them are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others’ perspectives. (Jan 04, 2018 Harvard Business Review)

Now What?

Therapeutic and Life Coaching tips - complete the assessment:

Here is the link to the questionnaire. Remember to send it to a trusted friend for feedback.

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Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.

What?

We have a huge impact on the life we live, how we experience our lives. This of course reiterates the concept of the internal vs external locus of control that we so often talk about.

Many of us know what to do to improve our lives but we fail to move forward. We may know the steps to take to improve our lives, but something within us sabotages us time and time again.  Socrates coined the phrase “the examined life”. Join us today as we discuss how to lead a life of examination and take the knowledge we have and apply it to the life we long to live.

So What?

Dealing with the internal issues – our emotional needs, instincts, fears, insecurities, ego needs, triggers, motivations, and emotional maturity – will exponentially increase our effectiveness in life and lead to greater wholeness and happiness. It’s the inner work we do that leads to the outer fruit we produce. By switching the focus to this inner development rather than only focusing on our outer performance, we are guaranteed to produce the best fruit in our lives.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

Merry walks us through writing our shadow self a letter. Think about your shadow self and how he/she helped you navigate life. The shadow self served an enormous purpose in your life but it is time for the adult-you to take back ownership and control. In your letter, thank your shadow self. Recognize the gift of the shadow self and then tell your shadow self “ it is now time for the adult ( insert your name) to take over so I can show up more and more as my true authentic self.”

Life Coaching Tip:

We are always moving from strength to strength. With that in mind, think back to your broken self your messed up self and what you learned and what you turned around. What good was in that mess or what good came out of it?  This is your life data and it is important to record it so you can reflect and learn from it but also so you can share this gold with others as they journey through life.

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