The Flame Within
By Darryl "Coop" Danford
If you are a man you have something that resides within you. It is dimly lit or burning brightly. If it is burning brightly, you can see your way through our female dominated society. If it dimly lit, you’re struggling to find your way and may question why things are the way they are. Five years ago, I was that man and was shown the way to a better life through brotherhood. I am here to help you get that masculine flame burning brightly within you. Enter “The Flame Within”. Follow me as I lead you on your way to a better life.
The Flame WithinJan 17, 2023
00:00
21:45
Outcome independence
A fourteen part series on a masculinity post done by Mark Fitzy someone DM'd me and asked me to cover.
Jan 17, 202321:45
Concessions
You can't just want more for your life. You have to start doing and stop making concessions for things in your life that are important to you.
Nov 22, 202216:52
Friends and Discounts
Giving your friend a discount or a pass on behavior is not being a friend to them but rather depriving them of an opportunity to get better. I expect more from my friends and never want to deprive them of that opportunity. Some may get angry, some may stop talking to you but so long as they get better that's all that really matters. They will realize at some point that you are coming from a place of love and they will be back.
Nov 15, 202219:20
Belief Systems?
What do you believe about yourself and why do you believe it? Let's take a look as to why you believe those things and installing a new belief system.
Nov 08, 202220:56
Putting in reps…
You’re never going to get good at anything unless you do something consistently and make the effort to get good at it.
Oct 12, 202222:11
What’s your rock bottom?
I see things, lots of things that bother me about how men present themselves to the world. The other day this one hit hard and it begged the question, what is this dudes rock bottom? How much lower can he go? Then it begged the question, how many of you are living at rock bottom just getting by? Just making ends meet? The bigger question, what the fuck are you going to do about it?
Jun 26, 202216:34
What to do with uncomfortable
What do you do when you are uncomfortable with your thoughts? Do you isolate, look down at the bottom of a bottle of booze, sit around and hope things get better? They won’t. It’s fine to think through things but it’s better to do it with a clear mind. This brief episode will tell you how.
Jun 23, 202218:06
Don’t lay down
If you believe in who you are and what you do, don’t lay down for anyone else’s beliefs or to societal norms. Do you.
Jun 01, 202219:23
Unbroken
Nobody gets to tell you how to live YOUR life, do not conform to how others want to do it, what they believe or what they believe is possible for you. Only you can limit you.
May 18, 202202:12:57
Do not justify, just do
Anything from diet/nutrition to training and mindset, it’s your journey and while some may question it, you don’t need to explain or justify it.
May 12, 202217:06
Turning the corner
Take a look back every so often and reflect on your success however how small you thin it may be. You are not that man anymore and that’s something to be proud of.
May 04, 202214:21
Wins, losses and lessons
Wins are wins, awesome. Losses are losses, treat them as such. We all lose and shouldn’t sugar coat those losses. They sting, as they should. Don’t make them something they are not. Winning and losing are two distinctly different things, take the lesson from each but don’t leave the feelings of each define how you feel about yourself.
Apr 25, 202214:29
Be realistic
Sharing your goals to others can sometimes had unforeseen responses. I received one of those responses earlier this week and it set my soul on fire. Only you know what’s realistic, only you can figure that out. Don’t let others tell you what’s realistic and what isn’t because they are projecting their own thoughts and expectations on to you. They don’t know you or what burns inside you. In short, fuck them.
Apr 15, 202210:33
Stay the course
Episode 60 - If you want to work toward who you want to become, you have to stay the course. You have to keep going no matter what. No one really cares about your self improvement other than you. Remember that.
Apr 09, 202223:51
Improvement is always about you
Whatever reason you are looking to improve, it’s about you. Walking through your shit or slaying your demons. It’s about you. It’s the way, the path through it and while there is no end to getting better, there’s definitely a beginning.
Mar 30, 202219:05
You are worth it
Whatever the cost, whatever the risk or whatever it takes to get better. You are WORTH the cost to improve.
Mar 22, 202221:05
F*ck what they say…real masculinity is NOT toxic.
I am a real person, flesh and blood. I get sick and at times get really sick like I have been this week. Fuck it. I recorded this episode anyway and decided to share it. We aren’t perfect and this one shows that about me. I mustard up my “toxic masculinity” and recorded anyway.
Mar 19, 202220:24
Houston, there’s a problem….
When things you can’t control changes your plans and how to respond to them.
Mar 09, 202216:57
Get out of your feelz
Winning does not care how you feel about doing what you need to. Be stronger than your feelings and break through being tired, burnt out or anything stopping you from doing what you need to in order to reach your goals.
Mar 06, 202212:53
Putting in hard ass work
Stop being a pussy and being afraid of a little hard work. Want to get better? Put in the work. Want anything out of life? Put in the damn work. Life doesn’t get easier from avoidance of work, it gets harder. It makes your life easier. People look at you differently because they see you differently. You get that look of respect and it’s amazing.
Mar 04, 202213:13
Judgment Free Zones
We live in a society where you are always being judged. ALWAYS. Get used to it. Some complain that “it shouldn’t be that way” but the reality is, that you are. You can succumb to the judgment and let it freeze you or break free from the fear of being judged. How to let that criticism roll off your back or make it work for you
Mar 01, 202219:18
Interview with Fitzy
Men are just men, nothing special about any one of us. Join us as we speak about mindset, self-accountability and how Fitzy changed his life.
Feb 24, 202247:33
Foundational Self Improvement
If you’re improving, tackle the low hanging fruit. Don’t over complicate it, haircuts, fingernail trims, showering and basic grooming. Then keep tackling what you are bringing to the world.
Feb 23, 202217:06
Men need to hear the truth
Sometimes hearing the truth, as a man, can be a kick in the balls. Not enough men are willing to listen to to it or get butt hurt when they hear it. Whether it comes from a friend, spouse, or a child being called on your shit can be difficult to face. Learn to respond to it, assess it and make changes if necessary. It will change your life.
Feb 18, 202222:16
Hitting the curve
When life throws you a curve with difficult times don’t get caught with the bat on your shoulder, learn how to hit it out of the park when they come.
Feb 16, 202217:39
Face your fears
You do this this one step at a time and the more you face your fears the stronger you get. It isn’t that you will no longer be scared BUT you may be able to start laughing in the face of those fears and move forward regardless.
Feb 15, 202201:45:56
Nutritionally speaking
If you’re ever going to improve your physique you need to polish up your nutritional habits. My story.
Feb 02, 202218:32
Men’s mental well being - a consideration
There is more to consider than the higher suicide rates in men then we are currently examining. Improving your life through self awareness, self help, living in abundance, with a mental point of origin and mission may help you get out of that dark spot.
Jan 31, 202219:19
The quiet yearning
You Quietly yearn for things you do not have while fear losing what you do. Go get what you want and leave that fear behind.
Jan 27, 202213:05
Choice is an illusion
If you are starting or are in the midst of a making yourself a better man the choice to do so is merely an illusion and more importantly doing what you need to do to continue down that path is merely an illusion.
Jan 25, 202241:46
The Real Pill
Only one pill you need to take and that is the harsh reality of what it means to be a man. If I ask 20 men what it means to them I may get twenty answers but all can agree that it means becoming the best version of yourself.
Jan 23, 202220:13
When your discipline fails you
None of us are perfect nor should we claim to be. Every so often we get knocked on our ass and we tempted lose the discipline we have carefully crafted for ourselves. Here’s how to get it back.
Jan 20, 202219:47
Cultivating credibility
When you live authentically you build credibility with others, especially those around you. When a part of your life slacks, it has an effect on those around you and who may or may or take advice from you.
Jan 18, 202215:52
Asshole Friends
Asshole friends challenge you, make your life more colorful, bright, believe you and even kick you in the balls once in a while. Those are you real friends, keep those assholes close.
Jan 12, 202211:47
Chase excellence, not acceptance.
We’ve all had those friends, you know the ones, they live in the past and ignore the here and now and their future. These “friends” suck and will be stuck in a life of acceptance. If that’s what you want for yourself, fine but I wanted no part of that shit and now have gents that push me to be my best daily. I put myself in self in a position to be the example and to lead from the front and that’s exactly what I do. What do you want?
Nov 08, 202151:41
Stop acting like a helpless child…
There are few things in life that are guaranteed. Death and taxes are an absolute certainty. And I don’t know much but if your wife is mothering you, she despises you for it. Stop being that guy and step into your own.
Oct 20, 202124:30
Just start doing something
The smallest thing can help you along your way to self improvement and can be a springboard to your success. We all start somewhere and it’s going to be the little wins that lead to bigger win. Success begets success.
Oct 15, 202119:52
You know what right looks like…
In this episode I compare the manliness of my dog to you. He’s instinctual and gives zero fucks of the opinions of the other dogs in the home or in the neighborhood. He isn’t saddled with social conditioning and knows what right looks like. I contend that all me do and should live a little more like Chuck.
Oct 04, 202118:27
Life’s way to damn short
Life is easy to damn short not to be getting the things you want out it. What’s holding you back?
Sep 29, 202118:28
Drinking out of a firehose
You’re going to encounter many different things you could be doing but you need to focus on YOU and nail down what you want to fix.
Sep 29, 202116:47
Keeping your mental edge
Illness and injury are part of the game Your best bet to getting back in the saddle is to pick up where you left off by keeping your mental game strong.
Sep 21, 202116:14
Quitting is for the weak
So long as you are still here it’s still your mother fucking set until you say it isn’t. This is your life and you create your own reality.
Sep 09, 202118:17
Knowing your value
At some point men need to make a decision about being valued, whether that’s at work, in a relationship or at home. Stop settling for being just an ATM, the guy who works Saturdays all the time, or just someone that gets yelled at when shit goes sideways. If you do not like being there, then don’t. Others will value you, I promise.
Jun 22, 202123:58
Death by a thousand cuts
In this episode I talk about making concessions, allowing others to treat you with disrespect and stopping those things from happening to you. Every time you allow these things to happen you are slowly killing you, your self esteem, self confidence and self worth. You have the power to change it.
Jun 17, 202150:25
Just Start f*cking Doing
When you start improving, it hurts and it sucks but you’re motivated. You have to start, sometimes over and over again but your starting point has changed. You start from the experience of your previous attempt. When you get better, your life gets better and those around you get better. You have better friends because your old friends have been left behind and you earn the respect of those now around you. BUT, you have to START doing, over an over if you must. One day at a time and 1% better at a time. Let’s get fucking to it!
Jun 11, 202122:00
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” DP
On the path to self improvement you are going to lose some friends because you’re improving. That’s ok, there’s room for those who are like minded and on the same path. These are your new friends. **To my friends who love and support me. You know who you are and you are the best.
Jun 08, 202123:53
Forgiveness, a gift for yourself
Forgiving your self is an intricate part of moving forward. You must forgive yourself for things you didn’t know, messed up or didn’t do right the first time. It’s ok to mess up or not know something but it isn’t ok to keep doing it. You have an obligation to do better. Forgiving yourself is the first step.
Jun 07, 202119:24
Negative Self Talk
You can use negative self talk constructively by having your “feels” about yourself and then figuring out what the fuck you’re going to do about it. The trick is being specific with it and narrow it down past “I’m a loser”. Ask yourself some follow up questions - how are you a loser? Get specific and then figure out how you’re going to conquer it.
Jun 01, 202123:06
There will be pain
You can feel the pain and suffering of living a life worth remember or the pain of regret later. Life is about choices and the choice is solely yours. — short sidebar on decision making that I think you will enjoy.
May 25, 202119:43
Analysis Parlalysis
Are you froze in fear, feel underserving or just feel overwhelmed with the amount of information in the manosphere or in general? Take a listen on how to solve that puzzle.
May 25, 202119:47