A Chat with Uma

On episode 14 of A Chat with Uma, I provide a full recap of my recent trip to England! This recap serves to reflect pivotal experiences and realizations around the state of my overall recovery from decades of debilitation and dysfunction - namely mental and physical illnesses. I speak openly about navigating presence, dissociation, pain, triggers, stress, recovered moments, and everything in between.

I then share at length about my experience of presenting at Breaking Convention and ALL that came from sharing my research and inadvertent OCD advocacy + awareness. Overall, this episode serves as an honest and thorough reflection on the reality + power of persisting in recovery, especially in sharing the life-changing moments that came from the exposure of this trip.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to the episode

(00:04:20): Neuroscience Research Seminar Presentation

On episode 13 of A Chat with Uma, I reflect on my 27th birthday today. Recorded on my actual birthday, I share a live, raw, completely unedited account of everything coming up for me as I turn 27. I speak at length about the awe and gratitude I feel for being here + alive today, and reflect on how being alive for this long felt like a complete impossibility for much of my life. I talk through the rapid transformation of life that has ensued since cancer and all the recovery I have embarked upon, and how wildly different life looks than anything I could've ever expected, on all fronts. I speak candidly about my current state of being, including the full spectrum of emotions that come up with celebrating my birthday and my cancerversary in direct succession. I talk through examples of how meeting life with my authentic self has created so many experiences that I would've never thought to be even remotely possible. I share my experiences of exploring the duality of existence, the complete surprise of how life looks, and the awe of continuing to explore the continuum of experiences that life has to offer. Above all, this episode is a statement of love, gratitude, acceptance, and holding hope for every single beautiful human listening to this episode - especially through the darkest and most impossible moments that you may live through.

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On episode 12 of A Chat with Uma, inspired by my upcoming 4-year cancerversary and all that comes up this time of year - I share my full story + experience of my mental health struggles due to/influenced by my cancer. I discuss the research, conceptualization, and understanding of adverse mental health outcomes for patients with cancer & other life-threatening illnesses - particularly AYAs (adolescent + young adult patients, 15-39). I speak at length about my own experience living with cancer and mental health struggles, candidly sharing the concrete examples of how my OCD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and more intersect with + are exacerbated by my cancer diagnosis. I dispel myths about "cancer victimhood," explaining the reality of cancer survivorship in tangible + accessible terms. I close with reflections about my cancer + mental health experience & my upcoming cancerversary, and provide a call to action + empowerment about sharing our true experiences in community with others - and allowing ourselves the chance to be truly seen + supported.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to the episode, why I'm doing this episode, my upcoming 4-year cancerversary

(00:06:09): Breaking Convention Presentation

On episode 11 of A Chat with Uma, inspired by my upcoming 4-year cancerversary and all that comes up this time of year - I share my full story + experience of living with cancer since I was 22. I talk you through the 6 months of misdiagnosis that led up to my diagnosis the day after my birthday, and I take you through the tumultuous journey of treatment that was shaped by further negligence, misdiagnosis, and mistreatment. I share the consequences of my delayed treatment on my prognosis, and I explain the reality of living with cancer rather than being in remission. I speak at length about the unique struggles of living with cancer as an AYA (adolescent + young adult patient), and I draw awareness to the experience of survivorship beyond treatment that is often completely overlooked by those in an AYA's life. I close with reflections about my experience, and a call to action + empowerment about sharing our true experiences in community with others - and allowing ourselves the chance to be truly seen + supported.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to the episode, why l'm doing this episode, my upcoming 4-year cancerversary, dedication of this episode

(00:09:44): Aspiring Scientists Coalition Presentation with Dr. Ben Rein

On episode 10 of A Chat with Uma, I'm sharing everything about the next chapter of my life, which stems from one of the biggest life decisions I have made to date. I speak at length about the major decision I have made for the next step of my life + career, and narrate through the complexities and interplay of my beliefs, traumatic experiences, pathologies/mental illnesses, and distortions that contributed to my past confusion about my life path. I detail the process of integrating a pivotal psilocybin experience and the insights that provided integral support to my decision-making. I share the details of my next steps, how I got to this path, where exactly I will be going + what I will be doing, and how I will navigate the challenges & difficulties that may arise. I illustrate a tangible example of the illusion of "correct" choices, and share the role of acceptance and self-discovery in making values-driven decisions. This episode ultimately serves to share my raw and honest experience of moving through acceptance, curiosity, finding myself beyond what I "do," breaking through the binaries + limitations of others, and the process of becoming myself.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to the episode

On episode 9 of A Chat with Uma, I provide a high-level overview of the full spectrum of brain science research. This episode serves as a primer to illustrate the spectrum of brain research that exists across psychology, neuroscience, psychiatry, and other related fields. This primer breaks down each level of research, its techniques, and jargon in an intuitive and accessible way, illustrating the advantages and limitations of each research approach and how they come together to comprehensively answer the questions we have about brains, mental/psychiatric illnesses, and consciousness. From observational human studies all the way to molecular analysis, this episode will teach you the basics of how brain research works across the spectrum of scientific study, from human to molecule.

This easily digestible, accessible primer will equip you with the basic knowledge and skillset to begin effectively interacting with brain research that interests you across the full spectrum of fields, including: observational studies, clinical psychology, experimental psychology, cognitive psychology, psychiatry, clinical trials, cognitive neuroscience, neuroimaging, systems neuroscience, cellular neuroscience, molecular neuroscience, human-derived stem cell research, computational neuroscience, and more.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to Brain Research 101 & the spectrum of research

(00:05:46): My scientific background, biases, limitations; Disclosures & disclaimers

Brain Research Spectrum: each includes explanation, techniques, examples, advantages, limitations, + description of experimenters

(00:11:51) Observational research, naturalistic settings & within laboratories (humans)

(00:18:14) Psychology research, psychiatry, clinical trials (humans)

(00:24:48) Cognitive neuroscience, neuroimaging/brain scans (humans)

(00:44:22) Pre-clinical research, neurobiology, animal models

(00:46:45) Systems neuroscience, circuits

(00:51:24) Cellular & molecular neuroscience, therapeutic targets

(00:56:25) Human-derived stem cell models, brain organoids

(00:59:58) Computational neuroscience, computational modeling

(01:02:30) Variability in humans vs. preclinical research, experimenters in pre-clinical research

(01:10:05) Full example of research question + how this question would be functionally answered across each part of the brain research spectrum discussed in this episode

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

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On episode 8 of A Chat with Uma, I share my first "Honesty Hour": a space where I share my raw, unfiltered, uncensored thoughts as I process the reality of life in real time. Honesty Hour episodes serve to create a space for us to allow the messy, confusing, and complex nature of experiencing life to live, rather than just sharing the insights and hindsight that come from sharing at the "other side" of experiencing; Instead, I hope to instead create an equally valuable & supportive space for moving through experiences. I share details about my current experiences around recovery, making crucial future decisions, crippling fear, the uncertainty of my values, the struggles of my bicultural identity, the declining health of my elderly parents, fear about not being able to recover my health, and more. This episode serves to normalize & unite us in accepting the nuance, complexity, and duality of the human condition that we all experience.

Topics Covered + Timestamps:

(00:00:00): Introduction to Honesty Hour, why I'm doing this episode

(00:06:26): The duality of recovery, the fear of making "right" or "wrong" choices

(00:09:50) Toxic gratitude + positivity, how I got to the point of the current life choices I face

(00:32:40): Processing my upcoming life decisions

(00:45:00): Familial obligations & biculturality

(01:01:35): Contending with the state of my mental health

(01:23:00) Glass vs. plastic balls of responsibility

(01:25:54) Final reflections, self-compassion, accepting duality, allowing complexity, embracing uncertainty, and safe space for all of us to process

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

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In the Ketamine Diaries episodes, I share my full journey of clinical ketamine treatments for OCD, PTSD, depression, suicidality, and chronic pain. In this episode (part 2), I share every part of my experience from the very beginning of my ketamine treatments, through all of my stabilization and maintenance treatments thus far, the short and long-term effects, and everything that has led me to my present-day state, post-treatments. I detail every treatment experience from the physical, mental, and emotional perspectives, and speak in detail about the insights, challenges, and integrations that came with each trip. I provide reflections for how the immediate treatment experiences translated to long-term effects (or not). I share the nitty-gritty details of medical decisions I made that influenced the trajectory of my treatments, and explain the rationale behind these decisions from a research-informed standpoint. I finally share the results at this point of ketamine treatments for every diagnosis + symptom that I sought treatment for, and close with disclosing everything that has informed my decisions moving forward with continuing treatments. This episode provides a full, comprehensive, and multidisciplinary account of myself going through weeks of intensive ketamine treatments, and ultimately creates an honest and curious space for anyone thinking about pursuing ketamine treatments to explore their questions and concerns.

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Welcome, exciting life updates, intro to part 2, important disclaimers

(00:05:31) Stabilization Day 1: Treatment setting, medication decisions (benzodiazepines/anxiety meds, nausea meds, pain meds, etc.), trip report, decisions moving forward

(00:17:59) Stabilization Day 2: Medication decisions, trip report, trip insights (read verbatim) - distance between me and my symptoms/fears, virtual therapy

(00:27:15) Stabilization Day 3: Trip report - realizing the suppression of my true self, orchids vs. dandelions, sea turtles; trip insights and integration (read verbatim), virtual therapy

(00:46:32) Stabilization Days 4 & 5: Steep downturn, trip report - suicidality during the entire trip, how I dealt with the horrific experiences that day, trip insights and integration, virtual therapy

(00:52:20) Time between stabilization & maintenance treatments: physical side effects of treatment, integration of trips, challenges, insights, awarenesses

(01:04:10) Maintenance Day 1 & 2: summary of high-dose haze, extreme compounded physical side-effects, full report of integration and recovery

(01:06:05) Everything that informed my decision about moving forward with treatments, reflections about clinic, effects on my chronic pain

(01:09:10) Overall effects on my mental health (OCD, PTSD, depression, suicidality, etc.), lessons and reflections from treatments, where/how I am now, my treatment plans for the future, changes in my life

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Connect with me!

In the Ketamine Diaries episodes, I share my full journey of clinical ketamine treatments for OCD, PTSD, depression, suicidality, and chronic pain. In this episode (part 1), I share every part of my experience from the decision to pursue ketamine treatments to the very beginning of my treatment experiences. I narrate the contexts surrounding my decision to engage in a clinical ketamine treatment protocol, detail the decision-making around the numerous important considerations, share a high-level overview of the research that informed my decision-making, the role of chronic pain in choosing this treatment protocol, and the different diagnoses that would possibly be affected by these treatments. I speak at length about the state of current ketamine clinics and loopholes to be wary of. This episode serves to provide full transparency around the experimental nature of considering clinical treatments for various indications from my various perspectives as a patient, psychonaut, and neuroscientist - and ultimately, this episode creates an honest and curious space for anyone thinking about pursuing ketamine treatments to explore their questions and concerns.

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Welcome, exciting life updates

(00:05:35) Intro to episode, pre-frames, why I'm doing this episode, important disclaimers

(00:10:04) Background, why I began considering ketamine treatments for mental health, hesitations

(00:15:25) Why my chronic pain & dissociation was pivotal in ultimately deciding to pursue ketamine

(00:20:46) The state of ketamine clinics & loopholes amongst the psychedelic renaissance

(00:26:18) My past psychedelic experiences, why I didn't consider self-administration or clinical trials

(00:33:47) Consideration & rationale of various aspects of clinical ketamine treatments:

(00:44:42) The variability and conflicting results of various ketamine studies, and how I considered this in my decisions

(00:47:00) Deciding to move forward, all the considerations in planning treatment schedule

(00:48:27) Ketamine treatments alone vs. ketamine-assisted therapy, subversive tactics used by clinics to claim mental health treatments, my stipulations for customizing treatment for maximum benefit

(00:57:47) The ultimate uncertainty of experimental treatments, making the most informed choices possible amongst conflicting and ever-evolving information, accepting calculated risk

(01:02:50) Conclusions, what's coming in part 2 of the Ketamine Diaries next week, thank you!

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

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In episode 5 of A Chat with Uma, I share my full journey of psychedelic experiences from 2019 to now. I share the contexts surrounding my various decisions to engage in psychedelic experiences, detail the decision-making around my thought processes, provide hindsight awarenesses of crucial contextual information that was missing during some of those experiences, and how I have implemented my awarenesses into my overall decisions around psychedelic use for both treatment and personal exploration purposes. I share the journey of how psychedelic experiences and lived experiences with conditions led me to pursue psychedelic research questions as a neuroscientist and graduate student. This episode continually challenges the stigma of self-disclosure of psychedelic experiences, addressing the harms of suppressing open discussion of experiences from those of varied identities & medical conditions - with an ultimate call-to-action encouraging the amplification of voices to reduce harm and increase targeted & informed research questions. This episode provides my full, uncensored, comprehensive journey with psychedelics, and closes with the implications of my personal AND clinical treatment experiences on my decisions moving forward.

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Welcome, podcast updates, upcoming events

(00:09:25) Intro to episode, pre-frames, why I'm doing this episode, important disclaimers

(00:25:21) 2019: Beginning psychedelic explorations, first experiences with DMT

(00:45:25) Lifechanging DMT experience, metaphorical death

(00:53:57) Direct excerpts read from DMT death experience, hindsight reflections, intersections with abusive therapist

(01:10:05) 2020: Psilocybin experiences, unaddressed OCD effects, microdosing psilocybin

(01:31:49) 2021: OCD relapse, starting proper treatment, break from psychedelics, context built around previous experiences

(01:33:37) Importance of sharing our  experiences for harm reduction & furthering research, how experiences informed my research personally

(01:39:00) 2022: major depressive episode, microdosing psilocybin in a different context

(01:44:17) My first MDMA experience, how it differed from my previous psychedelic experiences

(01:50:00): End of 2022 to beginning of 2023: Overview of clinical ketamine treatments

(01:54:11) Ketamine treatments: what worked, what didn't, facing suicidality, what I ultimately learned, my plan(s) moving forward with psychedelics

(02:01:00) Ending reflections, summary, closing

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Referenced Links:

In part 3 of this episode of A Chat with Uma, I share the third + final (for now!) part of my full + lifelong story with mental health. This part 2 episode serves to share my mental health journey from 23 to 26 (now), when I began working with an unethical and abusive therapist. This episode goes through my experiences with navigating unhealthy therapist dynamics, relentlessly seeking proper treatment for my conditions, the ways treatment has and has not worked, navigating my OCD and PTSD comorbidity, medication decisions, regaining more functionality, going through extensive psychological and cognitive assessments, and where I am now + where I am going.

The diagnoses & conditions discussed include: OCD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, C-PTSD, panic disorder, suicidal ideation, PTSD, bulimia, dermatillomania, trichotillomania, neurodivergence, sensory processing disorder, and non-verbal learning disabilities.

This episode series serves to provide a deeper context into my complex, nuanced, and lifelong journey with mental health, as most of my work as a neuroscientist, researcher, mental health peer specialist, advocate, educator, organizer, and podcaster all comes from this journey. To that end, I give a high-level overview of:

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Intro, preframes, & disclaimers

(00:06:03) 23: Relationship with abusive + unethical therapist

(00:12:30) Going back to school, physical functionality vs. untreated mental illness

(00:20:16) EMDR therapy for PTSD, how it didn't work because of OCD

(00:31:21) Beginning treatment for the cult, religious & spiritual abuse

(00:33:18) How + why I finally left my unethical therapist

(00:43:14) 24: Pandemic waning, OCD relapse, how I learned about + sought proper treatment for the first time

(00:56:31) Beginning proper OCD treatment, PTSD & OCD comorbidity, complications that arose from functionally dynamic relationship

(01:14:00) Medication update + choices

(01:23:48) Beginning with a new OCD therapist, seeking psychological testing

(01:33:13) Depression, microdosing, dissonance between outward circumstances vs. internal suffering, losing hope

(01:39:25) Psychological & cognitive testing, overview of all the results, rationality as a coping skill

(02:01:00) Where I am now, where I'm going, lessons, reflections, take-aways, empowerment, and closing

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Connect with me!

In part 2 of this episode of A Chat with Uma, I share the second part of my full + lifelong story with mental health. This part 2 episode serves to share my mental health journey from 18 to 23, when I began receiving more regular care, yet received many versions of misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment. This episode also provides context around how I received an OCD diagnosis, the mistreatment I experienced, and the beginnings of an unethical and abusive relationship with a therapist at 23.

The diagnoses & conditions discussed include: OCD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, C-PTSD, panic disorder, suicidal ideation, PTSD, bulimia, dermatillomania, trichotillomania, neurodivergence, sensory processing disorder, and non-verbal learning disabilities.

This episode series serves to provide a deeper context into my complex, nuanced, and lifelong journey with mental health, as most of my work as a neuroscientist, researcher, mental health peer specialist, advocate, educator, organizer, and podcaster all comes from this journey. To that end, I give a high-level overview of:

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Intro, reframes, & disclaimers

(00:08:32) ~18: Pre-law, transition to college

(00:16:36) 18-20: College attempt 1, becoming more dysfunctional, OCD & failing classes

(00:22:39) Therapist and psychiatrist experiences in college; 2 years of misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment; Medication issues

(00:32:59) 20-21: Leaving college, starting music school, ineffective therapy, living with my partner, the experience that led me to recognize I may have OCD & seek out treatment

(00:47:45) 21-22: Seeking treatment for OCD, receiving negligent and incorrect treatment, how OCD got worse, therapist red flags, contraindicated OCD treatment, leaving this therapist

(00:54:32) 22-23: Cancer diagnosis, new therapist, PTSD diagnosis, navigating cancer treatment, rock bottom, unethical and abusive therapist relationship, incorrect treatment making OCD worse, not helping PTSD, seeking out EMDR

 (01:05:59) Closing, overview of part 3 coming next Monday!

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Connect with me!

In part 1 of this episode of A Chat with Uma, I share the first part of my full + lifelong story with mental health. This episode serves to provide the context and story for part 1 of my journey - from birth to 18, before I received any level of consistent treatment by medical professionals. The diagnoses & conditions discussed include: OCD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, C-PTSD, panic disorder, suicidal ideation, PTSD, bulimia, dermatillomania, trichotillomania, neurodivergence, sensory processing disorder, and non-verbal learning disabilities. This episode series serves to provide a deeper context into my complex, nuanced, and lifelong journey with mental health, as most of my work as a neuroscientist, researcher, mental health peer specialist, advocate, educator, organizer, and podcaster all comes from this journey. To that end, I give a high-level overview of:

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Introduction

(00:01:00) Purpose of this episode, background, my intentions, and disclaimers

(00:10:00) 0-12: Family background, culture, childhood symptoms

(00:25:30) 12-15: Middle school, (CW) sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, mental institution, joining the cult, starvation, dieting, developing bulimia, high school

(00:48:31) 15-18: High school, medication, numbness, dissociation, therapy attempts

(00:53:00) Reflections: lack of treatment vs. mistreatment, lack of diagnosis vs. misdiagnosis, neglect, abuse, closing out

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Connect with me!

On this inaugural episode of A Chat with Uma, I begin the podcast by sharing my full story: a high-level overview of the overall journey that my life has taken so far, given my extremely non-traditional and rather eventful background. This episode serves as a basis and framework to understand the vantage point and perspective(s) that I'm coming from in this show. My story, told in full for the first time here, will give you insight into the questions I ask, the conversations I have, the topics I explore, and the depth of honesty that I navigate ideas with.

Topics covered in this episode + timestamps:

(00:00:00) Introduction

(00:01:56) Purpose of episode, disclaimers, & pre-frames

(00:09:12) Family background, childhood, mental & physical illness

(00:25:00) Middle school, CW: sexual abuse, mental illness

(00:32:25) Professional singing career

(00:35:00) South Asian & bicultural identity

(00:37:28) Joining a religious cult at 14

(00:43:20) High school, cult, poor grades, debate & law school, mental & physical illness cont.

(00:49:00) College, failing, cult, dropping out, meeting my (now) husband

(01:01:00) Cult hiatus, music school, OCD diagnosis, singer/songwriter career

(01:03:25) Cancer diagnosis, losing my voice, psychedelics, losing my identity

(01:11:20) Going back to school, redeeming myself, getting my degree, psychology to neuroscience, grad school, research

(01:21:15) Leaving the religious cult fully, the cult of spirituality

(01:26:05) Becoming a board-certified Mental Health Peer Specialist

(01:28:50) Becoming an advocate and organizer

(01:31:35) My future, what I'm doing and where I'm going next

(01:36:00) The future of this show, closing of the episode

I cannot wait to connect with you, answer all of your questions, and co-create this with you. Welcome to a Chat with Uma!

Connect with me!